Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Is this a great pick-up line? *giggles. Can you guys come up with a smarter pick-up line next time? I received the same line again and again and the most recent one is earlier this afternoon. Oh come on. Let me tell you guys something. If you want to make friends… You don’t need to plan it. You don’t just come to someone and say, “Can we be friends?” Seriously, I find that kinda…what you call it? Childish? Old-school? Yeah…something like that. I only need 2 guys who say the same thing, and already I can call that “a trend”. The first time I got it, it was on the phone – with a guy I met on a short course. He said this to me, “Buli kita berkawan?” And I was like, What kind of question is that? Hahahaha. I didn’t know what to answer him. It was awkward! *giggles. Why do you have to ask? Let the friendship happen naturally, mutually. If you guys have the chemistry, good things will happen. As simple as that. Look at how many times a friend cheats on you? Look how many times a friend backbite you? Or maybe even steal your lover? Someone you call a friend can do all the evil things to you. When you use the line, “Can we be friends?” – it starts to sound so absurd when you don’t even know the person yet and already you offer a friendship with such formality – and you do all that with the knowledge that some of the friends that you already know for years are the one who hurt you through many different crimes at least one time in your life. You should have known that A FRIEND is more than just a word. It needs trust, commitment, chemistry and a lot of understanding. Things like this, DO TAKE TIME. So don’t come to me and ask me “CAN WE BE FRIENDS?” because I definitely don’t want to hurt you by saying all that long explanation. If you want to make friends, just get along with each other and see where it’s going. That’s all. The rest will take care of its own business. Let it be natural. Try it.
Friday, December 26, 2008
I set up this Christmas a month earlier. A Christmas tree is A MUST to bring the Christmas mood. Like what I told some of my friends, the keyword is LOVELY. Anyway, I don't put much effort in decoration this year. As long as it looks good enough, that's all that matters.
Christmas Mass (Eve)
All the years before, we sometimes came too late that sometimes we got to stand the whole mass. This year, we set the record for being the first one to enter the church yard. We almost thought the church didn’t have a mass because there was NO one there other than us. Than you imagine how early we got there. *giggles. We were so happy because we got to sit where we wanted and the choir was pretty good too. Most importantly, the Father gave a very good sermon that made me think so so deep. Thanks for the sharing, Father. It gave a lot of meaning to my Christmas.
As soon as I got in the car after the mass and turned on my phone, the SMS started to come in. I was like, wow…is this a sms marathon or what? I read each SMS and I didn’t reply right away. I told my sister that I would reply after getting the 15th Christmas wish through SMS. I got confused because there are numbers that I don’t recognise – thanks to my lost phone. They could be an old friend, customer or relatives…who knows? I usually demand to know who the sender of the sms before I reply so I know what to reply. Anyway, if anyone of you who sent me sms and didn’t get a reply, I’m really sorry. I must have lost you from my phonebook! Try sms me again this New Year and don’t forget to include your name, okay? Muahsss…thanks anyway!
This is only the normal fruit cake with fresh cream. I didn’t like it that much because I was more to chocolate. Anyway, thank God we have a cake for Christmas!
After a day at home eating many kinds of foods, we had very less space for another big dinner. It was a big dinner because the foods taste good to our tongue but we really couldn’t take them anymore after a few servings. Luckily “tapau-ing” is very common in the restaurant so they tapau the foods for us. We brought with us 6 tapau with 2 containers of shark fins soup.
This is the kind of gift that someone would give me if the person knows WHAT I LIKE. *Lols. It must be cute and maybe funny too…something that tickles me from inside. This is one of the gifts that I like the most for this Christmas. And the best thing about this is that let it be damn cute and I don’t care how cheap it costs!! I will still love it so so much! *giggles.
Guys…I think I’m getting closer to the MEANINGFUL CHRISTMAS that I always wish for. Honestly speaking, all the Christmas before, I tried so so hard to make the Christmas a happy one, but I always failed. I always ended up feeling so empty and thought that my Christmas was over before it even began.
This year…I discover a few things…
We don’t have to try so so hard to make sure the Christmas is going to be a happy day cos the more you try, the higher your expectation is, and that’s how you get farther from reaching it. You can’t force happiness to appear cos happiness is NOT a material that you can touch or buy. It’s felt by the heart and after all, happiness is a DECISION..
This Christmas, I initially cared so much about the superficial things – clothes, hairdo etc. I did it for me because I wanted to feel good about myself. But I don’t put too much thoughts on them on how they can affect my Christmas. I was really letting loose of myself from the expectation to get the best Christmas. I just went with the flow and enjoy what was in front of me. And I can tell you that, as I am writing this, I have this delight inside my heart. The simple Christmas that I mostly spent watching a few Christmas movies on Hallmark channel, eating the favourite dish that I would cook on normal days, took a short nap and had chats and laughs with my family – YES, you get me. “The little time that shared with the family” is what brought the delight that I almost couldn’t explain. Taking pictures and commenting on each other’s clothes, exchanging jokes and teases, and most importantly, THE TIME THAT YOU GUYS CAN SPEND LAUGHING TOGETHER.
Realising ONCE AGAIN that you have these wonderful people with you is actually the magical moments that can happen anytime IF YOU CARE enough to appreciate their presence in your life. The people who never leave your side even during the hard times when your own bestfriend or lover dumped you for the silliest reason. THEY ARE THE BLESSINGS in our lives.
COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS and you will experience LOVE and if you can do all those, the magic will unfold itself to you and before you know, that HAPPINESS is already happening inside you.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Saturday, December 20, 2008
I was spending half a day yesterday looking for new clothes for Christmas. The search was very tiring because trust me, it’s not easy looking for the right clothes. Sometimes the clothes look so good on the manequeen but after that you come to realize over and over again that... you are NOT that manequeen. *Lols. Yeah...the body of a manequeen, tall, slim, curvy...thanks for reminding me I am far from that. Hahahaahahahahaha
Anyway...as I was fitting the clothes, from one shop to another...it made me thinking, the REAL DEAL for the clothes shops takes place in this little room called THE FITTING ROOM! *Lols. Yeah...it’s the fitting room is where you decide whether or not to take the clothes right to the counter, or send them back to be displayed. So, if the bosses of the clothes shops know the trick, then they better make sure their fitting room is THE BEST PLACE like no others, for the customers to be able their best look fitting any clothes that they are considering of buying.
So you should not be surprised if the mirror in the fitting rooms sometimes make you look slimmer and lovelier than ever. *giggles. The lighting is VERY IMPORTANT! One of the fitting rooms I went in, had this shady light or should I say, Not enough light at all. So I wasn’t too impressed with what I saw in the mirror. The light didn’t shine the blink-blink on the blouse and a fussy customer like me would take that silly reason not to buy a blouse. *Grins. I took a shot of this fitting room that has been nicely decorated – which I think I KNOW WHY! Great minds think alike! *giggles.
So you ladies, have you found the right clothes to wear? I found myself a few clothes anyway. Yeah...with the budget, I think I did quite good. Wish everyone a nice time searching for your Christmas clothes and to you clothes shops operators, never underestimate the power of a fitting room, ok?! *Giggles.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Aha! Do Not Think I am making up stories here. What else you have not heard in today’s world, huh? A Virgin Married Man. The word “Man” make it sounds even more unbelievable, right? But it is true! Cos this person is someone I know. He’s not proud, he’s not happy, but he has to live with it until now. Hey, are you calling him stupid? Wait! Anything, but STUPID okay?
I share this story because it’s interesting and it’s something to ponder upon. Anything weird can happen in this world. How come he’s married and still a virgin? Do you still call him stupid if you learn that he is only keeping his words? Yes, keeping his words – something that a lot of people fail to do. Integrity is another big word for him. Wanna know how the story goes? Here it goes.
He knew this lady back in university. They became close for months before the girl started to stray and hooked up with another guy. One thing led to another, the next thing was…the girl came back to him crying and threatening to take her own life. Why? Because she found out she was pregnant with the new guy’s child. She mentioned that she didn’t know how to face her parents and she was sure they won’t forgive her. So this guy had to say something to comfort the girl, to at least stop her from entertaining stupid thoughts. “I will help you. Let’s settle this matter together.” So they discussed and planned everything. They flew back to their hometown (good thing they both come from the districts not far from each other) and met the girl’s parents. The guy used his diplomacy skill and told the girl’s parents he was responsible for her pregnancy and that he wanted to marry her. The marriage happened soon after. It was a proper marriage taken place at the church and so the marriage was legal even in the eyes of God. So what happens next?
The girl doesn’t want to steal the man’s life also. She asked for a divorce on the first year, but the guy refused because he couldn’t leave her while she was jobless and she has a child to raise, and everyone else thought the child was his own. It’s been 5 years now, exactly how old the kid is. Now the kid is staying with the mom but the guy is staying separately from them. People thought that this is just a normal marital problem where the couple chooses to live separately after disagreement. What they don’t know is that the couple are only married on paper. The guy does his responsibility as a husband by giving money to his wife and kid every month. Now, does he sound happy to you?
Of course he’s not. He’s torn between the marriage agreement and his needs as a man. The fact that he has “lost” his own life by not being a normal man with a normal life is sometimes making him sick and upset. He misses the chance to explore possibilities of experiencing love like other people because he’s tied with a sudden marriage just because of “keeping his words to his friend” and he can’t find the guts to leave them now, especially when the kid is already calling him “daddy”. He has hearts for other women but his hands are tied.
And why does he is still a virgin? Both of them are not talking about the making it real. The girl is ashamed thinking that the guy stays in the marriage out of pity, and the guy thinks that his presence is just a cover up and he’s not actually needed as a real husband. They think that they have no feelings for each other to make the marriage real. To fix it or leave it like that, it's up to them. Wish them all the best!
Moral of the story:
1. Be careful when you make any big decision in your life.
2. When you’re given a second chance to rectify your bad decision, do not make another wrong decision to push yourself further in the mess.
3. Not being able to make decision is also considered another bad decision.
4. Face your problem and don’t sweep it under the carpet.
Welcome to another strange funny habit that I develop recently. I have this very big heart to read a lot and a lot because reading is always my hobby and learning about new stuff is something that I’m up to. What happen now?
The newspapers from 3 weeks are still waiting to be read! And tomorrow is already Sunday, another newspaper will add to mountain of newspapers on the floor. *Lols. As what you can see in the picture, those are on my bed. I want to read them before I go to sleep but I always end up asleep only after the first page. Now, when can I find time to read all these delayed newspapers? The news are already stale and old, and I have not even read them yet. Omigawd!!! Hahahahahahahahaha. I Must Read These Newspapers Before The Year Ends, and that is final! Wish me luck. *Lols
Friday, December 12, 2008
Think for a while. People always demand NOTHING BUTH THE TRUTH, right? Don’t be surprised when I tell you that…in certain aspects of our lives, it’s better that we DON’T know the truth. We prefer to stand by what we believe to be true, but what we believe is not necessarily the truth. This thought occurred to me just now. I had a talk with my guyfriend and he made me thinking about the last relationship that I had. The fact that I always have good thoughts about my ex made me blame myself for what happened. Then he raised some sensible issues…about how loyal was he to me when we were still together. For all the years, one thing that I could never question is his loyalty. Come to think about it, it could be that it was only me who thought and believed so – because I could depend on my instinct that he never cheated on me, but HOW SURE WAS I? The truth is still out there, whether or not it’s in my favour. What if, he’s been cheating on me all the way? What if he had wanted to call it a quit long before the breakup? Those could be the TRUTH, ya know. Yes, since this is in my past, can I give it a little leeway? Can I ignore what the TRUTH might be? If the truth is against me, IMAGINE what would I feel, RIGHT NOW. Can I just shut the door of curiosity and end all these question marks? No matter what the truth is, it’s all behind me, right? To know the truth ONLY NOW will still hurt me deeply if it’s something against what I have always believed ever since. So, CAN I JUST IGNORE THE TRUTH, GUYS? CAN I CHOOSE NOT TO KNOW THE TRUTH? Because only this way that I can lay my mind at rest and think that everything is okay since the last time I attended this matter in my head. Can I just carry on thinking that my ex is still one of the most loyal, sexy creature that I have ever known? Can I refuse to know more about his weaknesses? YES I CAN, BECAUSE I DECIDE SO. I won’t make my life harder. Now you understand what I mean, right? If you’re in this situation right now, you know that THE TRUTH DOESN’T COUNT THAT MUCH ANYMORE. I just want to look forward and feel good about this life. What is good will remain good to me, even if it takes me a little bit of lies here and there. I DON’T CARE and for that to happen, maybe I should just be happy for who I am and who I have in my life. If it’s good, then it’s good. I don’t want ANY BITTER TRUTH to change that. ---- Think about it guys *Winks
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Baru2 tu...one of my close friends sms-ed me. “Do me a favour, help find doorgifts for my school annual party. The budget is RM1 each, for 120 people.” I was like...”RM1 ah? Gotta be kidding me.” But kawan punya pasal, I kept my thoughts very2 silent itu masa. So I came out with mcm2 idea la ni sudah. It’s RM 1 my friends, RM 1!! Not RM2 or anything more than that! Hahahahahahahaha.
So when she finally met me during itu Hari Raya Haji punya cuti, she looked at the samples and took some pictures and mms them to her other friend who is also in charge in the party preparation. Adeii...macam2 baa. Mau itu laa, mau ini laa...siap kana komplen lagi itu sample semua...terlampau berhias la, terlampau besar la, “ini ada tag lagi ka?”, “itu card dia mcamana?”, “Ini apa ni, bambu ka, pensel? Kalau pensel kan bagus” Omigawd...Hahahahahahahahahaha... I don’t mind if anybody is cerewet macam tu, cos I am cerewet also. But...tinguk dulu kira kanan before kau mau cerewet lebih2. We are talking about A DAMN RM1 BUDGET HERE, MY FRIEND! Hahahahahahahahahaahahahahahah. Yang bikin ketawanya, sia rasa tu kawan sia pun terlupa ba tu. Dia punya budget Cuma RM1 saja, tapi dia punya analisa seolah2 RM10 satu ba dia punya budget! You gotta be kidding me!! *Lols.
So I said to her...”Macam ni laa...if you want to give candies like itu org kawin, u guys beli itu uncang, stuff some candies. Abis cerita! Kurang lagi dari RM1 tu ging! Now that’s what I call save budget! Berabis sia ketawa ba. “But you tinguk sana dinding sia tu...ada a few uncang berisi gula2 dari beberapa wedding yg my parents attend. Sepa mau makan itu candies? Teda kan! Kamu buat itu party pun sudah untuk makan macam2, lepas tu kasi hadiah pun makanan lagi. Ada lagi ka org mau makan itu gula2?” I know she didn’t agree that much with me, but she had to nod juga cos tidak mau kasi panjang cerita. “Ya, itu gift candy mcm terlampau biasa sudah ba kan...” (“Yeah...now you’re talking”) *Lols. (Anyway, it’s not about terlampau biasa ka inda...Itu budget ba ging!”
Anyway, sebelum mau jadi begitu cerewet, make sure you have the budget ready for a better idea ba. Ini nasihat untuk semua org yang sedang membaca! Cos I’ll be very pissed kalau u ask lebih2, but your budget sangat ciput...kalau buli mau free lagi ba. You guys are going to make me laugh, big big time!” She knows yang kalau they prepare the gift sendiri, terlampau banyak hassles, terlampau banyak energy dan time terbuang. All they want is to spend the SAME RM1 but without having to lose energy and time! Now you get what I mean? There’s no way kau ble dapat gift yang nice dengan budget mcm tu, UNLESS kau buat sendiri! I mean it!
So last2...she asked me to design a calendar la for that doorgift. I said, “None of you guys tau graphic designing ka?” She said, “Tau...but teda masa ba.” (Damn, I hate it when people ask me to design just because “I teda masa”. They should ask me to design because they think I’m the best graphic designer around or something like that ba!!...Hahahahahahahahaha ) So I said...If kamu pandai design, buat sendiri lorrr.” Balik2 “terkena sebiji” tu kawan sia ba tu ari. Hahahaahahahhaa. My advice is simple, if you ask for my favour, please be very very humble, especially when you present to me a budget as low as RM 1! Kawan tu kawan juga, just don’t belittle your friend’s punya ability dengan permintaan terlampau tinggi, tapi budget inda pula pandai kasi tinggi. Kawan or not kawan, this is a lesson for everyone too.
Anyway, ok laaa...be fair. Don’t underestimate the value of RM1. Actually...if you’re creative enough, RM1 is sufficient for a nice and thoughtful doorgift. But if you’re not creative enough to think of something to match the budget, at least you give credit to the people who have that creativity to help you. Fair Enough? *giggles.
Today I had my breakfast outside; something that I do once in a while to; having some quiet peaceful time to enjoy my favourite dish while waiting for the shops to open. Then you know I have lists to buy so that explains why I didn’t go to work straight away. My sister insisted to join me for breakfast because she was so curious why I really love this Mi goreng ayam in this particular eating outlet. I said, It’s delicious!! And she wasn’t satisfied. She wanted to find the reason to say otherwise. Yeah...that’s my sister. *giggles.
When a girl came to take our orders, so we order laa...not long after that, we got our drinks. My sister ordered this Tea-c-ping (where she got that name pun I don’t know..hahaha) So, not long after that, another girl sent a drink to our table. My sister said, “No, that’s not what I ordered”. It looked like nescafe to her. So the girl marah2 assuming that her friend took a wrong order. The other one shouted, “That is Tea-c-ping la”. So my sister said, “Oh, that’s mine. Sorry”. Bikin panas jua my sister ni. Hahahahahahaha. I said, “Itu pun sudah kecoh. Lain kali tengok betul2 bah”. So my sister makan dulu la since she took ala-carte punya food.
So tidak lama tu...datang la this one girl send makanan that should have been my dish. But she sent nasi goreng pula. Then I started to give that look because inda pasal2, kecoh lagi ini kedai makan gara2 silap order. “I order mi goreng, kan?” Then it started to piss me off when she tried to berkeras with me yang I actually ordered nasi goreng. But I didn’t layan her, a mistake is a mistake. “No, No, I order mi goreng. Change it, ok?” I geleng kepala lagi sebab I go to that place many times sudah, tidak pernah pula jadi macam tu. If you’re a new worker in a restaurant, at least you should be able to take the order, right? *giggles.
So...after a while. She sent me the right order. When I was taking a tissue to clean my fork and spoon, ngam2 lagi itu budak sedang taruh tu sup sana meja. Haiyaaaa!!! Tumpah ba itu sup. Punyalah clumsy. Clumsy terjumpa clumsy...nah berlakulah mcm2 kejadian!! *Lols.
As I was enjoying my meal, I paused. “Eh, I want to take picture!” My sister heran. “For what?”. “My blog.” “Oh kau ada blog sudah ka? Macam tu Raja Petra ba tu kan. “ (*Lols). “ I said, Ya I have. Eh...no laa...baru mau buat.” Hahahahahahahaahhahaah. Shssss...don’t tell me sister I have a blog already ok? (*Lols)
Anyway...my apology to the gurl yang terpaksa deal with sia punya cerewet...but thanks...I enjoyed my breakfast anyway!
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Familiar with the Hallmark brand for greeting cards? I was one of the fans of this brand. I started getting Hallmark cards when I was 17. I had my adopted brother who gave me A LOT of these cards! And from there, I started to build some kind of taste and preferences for greeting cards. I was one of the silly followers who fell for that stupid idea that the thoughts are bigger when it is a Hallmark card. “When You Care Enough To Send The Very Best” tagline really works on a lot of people that time. Or are there still a lot of them? Anyway, Hallmark inspires me from there. It’s all about impressions, people…Impressions.
My whole life, I received a lot of Hallmark cards. Even the special people in my life fell for the tagline of Hallmark cards. Now you know it’s a successful brand when people start to believe and fall for the tagline. Speaking of successful brand, it comes with a price my, dear friends. Maybe I was just lucky that some of the special friends I once had could actually afford to buy Hallmark cards for me. Well, I was so grateful and happy when I turned at the back at the card and found out it was a Hallmark card. I knew the person spent a bit more just to get the card for me. To receive it, YES! But to give it? Damn, it was painful. *Lols. I am never rich enough my whole life so far to find buying a Hallmark card doesn’t take much from my budget. Gotta be kidding me. It was damn painful to fork out that much for a damn greeting card!! *Lols. Anyway, I have been there when I had to save money just so I could buy a special card for my special ones.
Okay, let me share this funny experience. I have this ex boyfriend who was so much into Hallmark cards. It was a damn pressure for me to save up just to buy him one. *Lols. Yes, he bought me Hallmark cards all the time but he spent A LOT less. That was so so unfair! The fact that Hallmark cards are much cheaper in certain countries and currencies, it was so painful to be a Malaysian, when it comes to buying a Hallmark card!!! Hahahahahahaha. Hey, it’s true. Oh man, I hate that stress. Hallmark cards always made me ended me up broke and penniless!! Hahahahahahahahahaha. A few times, I had to settle for a beautiful but much cheaper, unbranded cards and I had to shut my eyes and ears from getting that funny unhappy expressions from the recipients of the card. But I had to! My budget was tight! I could not let a damn Hallmark card steal my lunches and dinners at school! (Hahahahahahaahhahahahahahaha. Oh man, that was damn funny).
Here are some of the things I remember about Hallmark cards in my life so far. *giggles.
During one Valentine’s many years ago, my bestfriend asked me to print out a card for him to test my computer designing skill, but I changed my mind because my skills was so limited back then since I only started to learn how to use computers. So I offered to make him a hand-made card. The card was packed with decorations from beads to sequins. He was so so shocked to get the card and he told me this – The card was so so beautiful!! You got yourself in a wrong course! You should not be doing science! *Lols. So…as a reward, he gave me this nice nice Hallmark card for Valentine’s. But.he forgot to erase the price at the back right below the barcode!! It costs RM 17.50! It was the most expensive Hallmark card I ever received that time (as far as a forgetful-mind-to-erase-the-price is concerned. *Lols).
During one Valentine’s, I really couldn’t afford to buy a card for my boyfriend that time. He almost sulked because he spent a lot of money to buy gifts for me. So I told him, sorry I forgot. So I ran to Just For You and grabbed a general love card. I saved a little because if I bought a specific card for Valentine’s, it cost much much more! *Lols.
The most expensive Hallmark card that I ever bought cost me RM22.50 and I bought it for my boyfriend. That time, I had more budget for the card because if I am not mistaken, I set the rules that we only needed to exchange the best card and nothing else. Even though I didn’t get myself an extra gift that time, at least I got to save up on the overall spending on gifts! *Lols
The most expensive Hallmark card I received so far…how should I know?! Unless they all forgot to erase the price, then I should have known! *Lols. But judging from the beauty and quality of the cards, the most expensive Hallmark cards must have come from my ever-loving ex boyfriend ßHe’s a great card-picker.
Omigawd…I was laughing good time as I was writing those. I think that, Hallmark should not be a brand for a person like me because I was always tight on money. *Lols.
The moral of the story: It’s all about the thoughts and nothing else. My addiction for Hallmark card is optional. I remember getting a handmade card from a guyfriend for my birthday and it was so so lovely. I always remember the card to be one of my favourite cards of all time. Hallmark or not, I proved you that the thoughts and sincerity are still on top. Want some better tips? Send yourself instead! I’m sure your presence will mean everything to your special one, not even the most expensive Hallmark card can beat it!
Monday, December 8, 2008
Reflect this: Remember the loved ones who have left us.
Christmas is around the corner. I miss that feeling of excitement. I miss that feeling of anticipation. Why…why does it feel so empty this Christmas? I remember for all the years before, when I asked my parents about where to do our Christmas party, and when to do it…I asked it with a lot of delights in my heart. The fact that I am the one who my parents can rely the most when it comes to our family party, I have my own source of delights to be happy to take that responsibility. But why…why does it feel so different this year?
I don’t have to look far for the answer. I know it already. Suddenly my heart is feeling so heavy right now. I now remember clearly what caused my heart jumping with excitement thinking of what to cook for Christmas and how would I decorate our house. My heart was delighted cos I knew someone would be saying something nice about how the house was decorated. I was delighted because I knew someone was going to eat what I cook and at least made me feel good when she ate certain dishes more than the others cos it would be the sign that she loved those foods. It was the feeling that I always had for all the Christmas before this. Although she thought that she was not loved and not cared enough, then explain to me why I’m feeling such a big lost when she was not anymore around to do all that. I promise that she won’t have to say anything good to make me feel happy…just by seeing her cute smiling face walking towards our door was actually the only thing that explained why all of us are feeling so joyful inside.
God showed us the miracle 2 years ago. I still remember my mom came from the hospital telling us that the doctor asked us “to prepare for the worst” that we were going to lose our grandma. My heart skipped a beat. I remember shouting in my heart, “No!!! I’m not ready yet! Anybody is not ready yet to. No, we can’t lose her. ” I remember praying to God in our journey to the hospital.
“God, please don’t take grandma yet. She’s only starting to know You. Please give her time to know You well and experience Your love in her life as a new Christian. We are very sorry for not doing our best to be the people that should care and love her. Please let this be a lesson for everyone especially her own children so that they can do something to make her feel more loved and appreciated. Please give us the time to make up for all our mistakes. We promise to love her more and make her happy. Please have mercy on us Lord. Have pity on us and please give grandma more time to experience the beauty of this life that You give us.” God listened to my prayer. The next day, my grandma was conscious again. It was a miracle. I believe that everyone prayed so much for her recovery. God does listen to our prayers, people.
Were 2 years enough? It should be. We don’t need a damn 2 years to show our love and care for the people we love. We don’t need to wait until the person’s last breathe to tell her that we love her. But God gave us 2 years to make up for all the things we should make up for, like I said in my prayers. God gave a perfect life to my grandma after the incident that nite. She woke up like she never had gotten sick. She laughed and smiled like she had been healthy forever. She even asked my mom, “How was I the nite I passed out?” (She didn’t even remember, people.) And we were almost scared to death of losing her.
Did everybody do their best to make up for things we should have shown our grandma? Like it or not, we have this weakness that we don’t know how much we have until we lost it. We take things for granted until things are gone. God took my grandma for good at the time when we were so busy with our daily things; we didn’t get to say the prayer we said the last time. Why did we have to wait until the critical moment to say the most devoted and meaningful prayer? The last time, my grandma was taken by ambulance while she was unconscious. This time, my grandma requested to be sent to the hospital because she was feeling so restless at home and thought even the hospital bed was a better place for her since that everybody was so busy with their own lives. Did we think that we have forever to make up for our mistakes? God showed to us that He could give us forever, but if He gives forever, we want something much longer than forever. Maybe we are never grateful of we what have. We have to change in this regard, people. WE HAVE TO! Stop right there and PLEASE PLEASE appreciate WHOEVER, WHATEVER that we have in our lives NOW! Don’t wait until we are that close of losing them, cos sometimes we don’t have a second chance like we had when we were losing our grandma for the first time. Even after the second chance, still we were not doing our best to appreciate her. WE COULD HAVE DONE MORE AND MUCH BETTER.
Now we realize it much more that life would never be the same again WITHOUT her. It has been months after she left us, and we get on with our lives anyhow. But now that Christmas is approaching…I really feel her lost. Why I feel like I have no one to show off my new clothes anymore? Why I feel that I don’t feel the hype of dancing together anymore? Because she’s not there to see it all. No more shines from her eyes that tell a thousand things from her little heart – Grandma, I don’t mind if you tell me that you don’t like my loose pants, I don’t mind if you say my make-up doesn’t match my complexion, I don’t mind if you say I put on weight, or my cooking is not that tasty… I really don’t mind. I want you to know that I really really miss you. And Thanks for letting me bake your birthday cake on your big birthday party 2 years ago. Without you insisting me, I’m afraid I won’t have given you anything meaningful your whole life. Thanks For Being My Grandma and now that you’re with God, I know He will take care of you much much better than we could have ever done.
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Last nite, I spent almost half an hour finding for a mug to enjoy my coffee. I felt quite funny because it was only a damn cheap mug, and I was analizing it like a big fat diamond. What I had in mind was I need a mug that could inspire me and make me feel good. *giggles. Guess what? I didn’t get to buy a mug last nite, because none of the mugs on the rack really caught my eyes. They have defects here and there. So here I go again this morning, hunting for a bigger mug for my hot drinks at work. With all the dos and don’ts that I must obey...Finally I settle for this boring mug!! *Lols. As I am writing this, the mug already filled with my brunch hot nescafe. Actually I have a lot of mugs here but I still need a bigger one so that I don’t have to spill my coffee because most of my mugs are small and are meant for the guests who come to visit me at work. Oh well...boring or not...I rather not be too particular about a damn mug! Just as long as it’s big enuff to handle my coffee. Be grateful you fussy twofivesix! Hahahahaha. Have a nice day everyone!
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Who doesn’t love this creature who are made to be a leader, who are made to be a father, a loving romantic boyfriend, a protective brother…Who people, Who? Dalam dunia ni cuma ada perempuan dan lelaki saja (yang selainnya tu dikira minoriti saja). Tiada guna mau musuh2. Sia tulis this posting bukan sebab sia saja2 mau kutuk. Ubah your mentaliti kalau mau maju. This is my pandangan terhadap apa yang berlaku di sekeliling kita. The famous line, “Who wears the pants in the family” – Masih valid ka tu?
Sebagai seorang perempuan, sia ada byk reason untuk adore kaum lelaki. Apa lagi yang hensem2, yang macho2, ditambah lagi dengan gaya yang gentleman, smart, pandai main gitar, pandai menari…wow…mudahnya untuk menyukai kaum lelaki. Bodohnya sia kalau saja2 mau cari pasal sama kaum lelaki ni. Dorang ni sudah diciptakan untuk melengkapi perempuan dan without them, populasi manusia pun tidak akan berkembang ba. Hahahahahahahaha. Ok persoalannya di sini…lelaki ni dilahirkan sebegitu hebat; dan kerana kehebatan itu lah, dorang ni ada tanggungjawab besar di bahu dorang. Bukan saja2 kamurang kana lahir hebat mcm tuu…hanya untuk jadi LOSERS, you understand me??
Apa mau jadi sama lelaki zaman sekarang ni? Of course bukan semua. Tapi golongan yang masih mengekalkan reputasi lelaki ni semakin KURANG. Semakin banyak yang tidak perform dan yang lebih teruk lagi, dorang sikit pun tidak rasa “bersalah” dengan ketiadaan daya maju yang begitu melampau. Erkks…sounds rough. But wait…read until the end.
Berapa banyak kes kamu dengar yang lelaki sekarang ni duduk guyang kaki di rumah, sedangkan bini dorang bertungkus lumus cari duit untuk keluarga? Tidak cukup dengan itu, sudah tau bini tu keluar bekerja, anak kecil di rumah pun tidak mau jaga. Terpaksa lagi hire org gaji untuk jaga itu anak. Dengan alasan, dorang takut tidak mampu jaga tu anak dan oleh sebab itu, paling selamat ambil orang gaji supaya itu anak punya kebajikan terjaga. Ada juga yang masa kawin, semua harap duit ibu bapa…lepas kawin, itu bini lagi tanggung semua. Itu bini biarlah kerja di ladang ayam saja pungut telur, susah macamana pun, still dapat kasi makan anak dan laki dia yg teda kerja lain, pigi moginum saja. Sikit pun tidak malu. Kalau pandai malu kana cakap2 org tu, kira bagus sudah. At least, gara2 takut kana cakap, terus pandai juga keluar cari duit. Ini tidak!!! Sikit pun tidak malu. Mungkin di hati tu ada jua sikit malu, but THEY ARE SO HELPLESS. Dorang rasa dorang sudah stuck dengan situasi dorang yang teda education, teda peluang kerja, dan macam2 lagi alasan la! Oleh itu, dorang face day by day dengan mengikut kepala otak dorang…Malas mau pikir pasal masalah dan tanggungjawab. Cos dorang tau…itu bini dorang tidak akan biarkan dorang mati kebuluran, apa lagi dengan adanya anak. Mau nda mau, itu bini kena jua buat sesuatu supaya hidup dapat diteruskan. Sounds Familiar?
Itu kes rumahtangga. Macam2 style. Pokoknya, semakin banyak lelaki sudah lepas tangan ba. Apa yang lebih mengharukan…I tengok sendiri ini lelaki2, lengkap tubuh badan, tiada cacat, tiada sakit…betapa UNDERutilized nya dorang ini. Betapa sia-sianya semua kurniaan itu sedangkan dorang tiada jiwa seorang fighter. Tidak mau berusaha. Tidak mau pakai otak. Tidak mau susah2. Now you tell me, sudah cukup ka untuk dorang ni dipanggil LOSERS? Not yet? Okay carry on reading.
Setiap manusia ada kelemahan. Tapi sudah tugas kita untuk tau kelemahan kita dan perbaiki. Satu kelemahan yang TIDAK BOLEH diterima, untuk kaum lelaki ni adalah, PENGURUSAN KEWANGAN. Seriously. Jangan pula tuduh sia ni mata duitan. Look at this in a bigger picture. Kenapa perempuan mau lelaki yg berduit? Jangan tanya org lain la, ASK ME. I will answer you right away. Bukan itu DUIT yang kami kejar. Untuk sia, kewangan seorang lelaki itu menggambarkan ACHIEVEMENT dalam hidup. Kalau dia ada simpanan yang kukuh, that means dia sudah capai sesuatu dalam hidup dia. Dia sudah boleh pikir jauh2 untuk capai yang lebih lagi. Tidak kira apa tahap pendidikan dia. Tapi kalau dia ada simpanan dan bijak berbelanja, dia mimang sudah jadi lelaki yg sepatutnya. Tapi apa jadi sama kebanyakan lelaki sekarang?
Dorang prefer guna itu istilah “Biar Papa Asal Bergaya”. Betul2 bikin malu. Sudah tau baru masuk kerja, tiada simpanan, simpan sampai 2, 3 perempuan, pegi pula ambil kereta Waja yang installment buli bayar ka tidak? “Ah, nanti la hujung bulan pikir!”. Hari2 call girlfriend, bawa makan, jalan sana, jalan sini…baru minggu pertama, sudah pokai. Masa kerja, terpaksa minta belanja kawan2. Kalau teda mau belanja, pinjam pula duit dorang, “nanti gaji bayar.” Kalau sudah tiap bulan pinjam sampai RM500, dapat bayar Cuma RM200, kumpul punya kumpul baki dia…lama2, GAJI pun negatif woo!! I bet, banyak kamu dengar kes mcm ni!!
Dalam berkawan pun…lelaki zaman sekarang ni pun lain sudah. Kalau dulu, dorang rasa, cukup la kalau tu perempuan lawa, kiut, bersopan, dorang mau pok sudah. Zaman sekarang ni…kriteria tambahan seorang perempuan idaman, ADA DUIT! Gila punya kerja. Sikit pun tidak malu. Kalau lelaki itu berduit, semestinya dia nda kisah ba if itu perempuan teda duit kan? Melainkan itu lelaki jenis yang manggas dan pokai saja, baru la dorang akan pok perempuan yg berduit dan biasanya perempuan berduit ni adalah org yang lebih berkerjaya dari dorang. Satu perkara yg paling2 bikin malu adalah lelaki yg MEMINJAM duit kawan perempuan dorang. Bukan adik atau kakak, ataupun bini…cuma kawan biasa saja pun pun sudah pinjam2 duit perempuan. Mimang I am old-fashioned when it comes to this. Sebab sia pandang kaum lelaki ni kaum yang dilahirkan untuk jadi ketua ba. Jadi bila sudah jadi macam ni…sia rasa benda tu sangat memalukan.
Maybe I myself have guyfriends yang mcm tu. Sekarang ni, sia pun terpaksa jua tengok apa tujuan seorang lelaki tu berkawan sama sia. Adakah sebab dia pikir sia ni boleh memberikan kepentingan material sama dia or whatsoever. I really feel that you guys should STOP right there and start to mend that damn ego that has been awfully broken. You guys tidak malu ka? Malu la sikit geng! Guna la itu tangan, kaki dan tubuh badan yang sihat untuk tingkatkan diri. Yang paling penting sekali, guna itu KEPALA OTAK kamurang tu untuk maju. Malu sikit sama perempuan. Jangan kami pula yang penat2 kerja dan kamu pula yang tukang kira berapa income yg kami boleh dapat dari usaha kami sendiri. Bikin malu lelaki saja. Think about it and Do Something!
Thursday, December 4, 2008
After I read posting from a friend’s blog (Dingobee) about breakups a few days ago, I think that I should give my share of views. Hey, people break up all the time. I can tell that there are a lot more hearts out there, got broken and fell into pieces, as we speak. Imagine that. This is NOT something abnormal, my dear friends. You have not experienced your heart broken yet? Aha…get ready. It could be your turn next. Not scaring anybody. But this is reality. It’s VERY normal for people who HAVE HEARTS. So you have a heart?
I am still considered lucky. At least I don’t have the experience of seeing my boyf cheating on me and at the same time, fathered a baby with another woman. That is very2 hurting my dear friend, Dingobee. Something that I have learnt from you, women do have strength that can carry the weight of the world on their shoulders. I always say it but I am not sure if I have that strength when it comes to collecting the pieces of my broken heart. It sure is painful but you survived it and I am more than happy to take your experience as my inspiration. I should always tell myself that if she can do it, why can’t I?
I am feeling generous today to share m
y experience with you. I am given by God, a very fragile heart. My friend, Dingobee…would you say you have a fragile heart too? I tell you my friends, to have been given a heart so fragile, is A very TOUGH thing. Other than the fact that I know I should be thankful for every cell of being I am, I have a lot of things to feel sorry for when it comes to this. This fragile heart might not stand too much of anything this life has to offer – it can break into pieces so so easily. Can I collect the pieces and make my heart whole again? You tell me, my friends.
Do we have to do all that to let go off the pain? In my case, I don’t have a choice. I just followed what my body felt like doing. And even after the painful nite, I was still finding myself crying even at work. My tears just built up at the corner of my eyes and I would wipe them before I ended up embarrassing myself. Woww…isn’t that something? It’s beyond our control. Do you think I want to go through something like that, Once Again? No, right? I would be crazy if I say that I enjoy it.
My mom loves to grow this one plant that some people refer as the Fengshui plant. The plant consists of all long green leaves and nothing else. I used to see this plant around the house because my mom loves the plant. She even ties red ribbons on them. *giggles. Another thing about the plant is that, it is easy to keep. When any of the leaves got dried and turns brown, you can simply pluck out the dried leaves without affecting the rest. The leaves can grow taller and taller that some them even reached the ceiling of our home.
I remember a few years back. The location was in our old house. The plants were put at the balcony. My first brother was the one who saw it first. Never in our lives that far that we saw the leafy plants actually produces flower!! Really. I actually took the picture of the plant before anything happened to it! We called our parents and told them about it, and they asked us to CUT OFF THE FLOWER!! I think, my brother did just that and brought the flower back to the other home where my parents were at that time.
That nite, I remember having a conversation with my sister. Yes, about the flower! The argument was: SHOULD OR SHOULD NOT THE FLOWER BEING CUT OFF FROM THE PLANT?
My stand: NO
My sister’s stand: YES
I remember that I shouted at my sister. NO! We should leave it there! My sister shouted otherwise. We had almost an hour of exchanging debates. *lols
The flower comes from the plant. It’s VERY RARE and it’s a moment we should appreciate. After all the amazement, should they just cut the flower off and keep it elsewhere? The old belief says that this will bring good luck to the owner. But I kept on saying...from the point of view of the plant, it’s NOT GOOD! Because the plant is also a living thing. If you cut it when it’s still fresh and blooming, it’s like killing it! The aim is to let the MAGIC lives longer. That’s my point. Why kill it!!! Let it stay where it belongs! If it gets dried, then maybe we can cut it and keep it by then. But why cut it when the magic is still happening? Let the flower reign there as long as it can! We don’t know if the flower can grow bigger or change colour. Am I correct?
My sister’s stand is actually more popular. She said that since it’s rare, we should cut it off immediately and keep it in a special place. That’s how it can bring good luck to the owner, depending on one’s belief. We don’t have to let it stay there and saw it die like it’s just like some ordinary flower. Since it’s special, treat it special.
Oh well…by cutting it off?? Gotta be kidding me!!!! Hahahahahahahahhahaha.
Now you see that people have different ways of seeing things. I actually find some logics behind my sister’s stand. After all said and done, my parents actually agreed with my sister; because even before we had the debate, the flower was already cut off and given to my parents. Since that we were not staying in the house where the plant was for at least a few days after, it was actually the best thing to do so that we could bring the flower with us to the other home. But seriously, speaking of this in general, I would love to see the flower grow and I would only cut it off once it gets dried. I hate to kill something that meant to live, you get me? So I don’t simply talk empty. Popular or not popular, I speak for a reason. I don’t care to be different, but hey…if I do just that, I actually let a lucky flower lives longer, right? Even the lucky flower would nod at me for fighting for its right! *Lols.
Why I call it Lucky Flower? Because that’s how I want to believe it. My whole family also refer it as the lucky flower but they didn’t put much thought into it like I did. I put my whole energy to believing that the flower is lucky…and YES…something good happened to me that year. Of course it was only coincidence. But like I told you, sometimes I choose to be superstitious. The lucky flower gave me hope that something great gonna come my way that year, and finally it became true. It’s all how we see things, right? Maybe because of the little hope that I got from the lucky flower, I worked harder and I made more effort, and that’s why I achieved something great. At least, the lucky flower did a little wonder on motivating me. There’s nothing wrong, right? After all, we know that everything that we achieve, it’s all God’s work. I love it how He does it. Love it :)
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
I have not been blogging for a few days because I was occupied. I had outside activities that needed much energy and attention. At the same time, this one customer also showed me the best of the dark side of this world *Lols.
I tell you… I am amazed at myself right now. I am sitting here right now, typing this.. AS IF NO TERRIBLE THING HAD HAPPENED TO ME, at all. The incident of me almost arguing with my customer really could have stolen a lot of my positive energy. The fact that I am sometimes hard on the outside, I am actually very soft inside. I should have broken down in tears. I should have screamed and smashed things on the wall. I should have done all that to express how hard was I feeling inside. I wanted to curse and swear that particular customer who made my life so so hard. Yes, it’s me again. Am I blowing it up again? No I’m not.
Okay, actually I have settled the thing with the customer earlier today. So, I should close the case and STOP mumbling about it. I must give myself a lot of credit because as I was fighting my emotional dilemma trying to keep cool, my hands were doing their job very well so that I could be on my way to SHUT HER MOUTH. I kept telling my assistant…I DO ALL THIS NOT BECAUSE I SIMPLY WANT TO TAKE ALL THE BLAME. IT’S JUST THAT I WANT TO GET HER OUT OF THE PICTURE AND NEVER LET ME SEE HER FACE AGAIN. I want her out of my gawddamn business as seriously as that.
Ok enuff. A few interesting things that I rather speak about. During the outside activity that was held for a few days, I had to run here and there to settle matters at hand so I left it to my assistants to do some work for me during the exhibition. I was only there on the last day. By the time I was taking seat there at the booth, people started to drop by and asked a lot of things. It actually surprised my assistants. I heard them saying that THAT THING DIDN’T HAPPEN TO THEM. People just passed by and they didn’t seem to have a lot of questions to ask. And that caught me by surprise. I mean, Hey, did you guys do your job or what?
You guys believe that they actually blamed it on my AURA? *Lols. You girls don’t simply go sucking up your leader like that. Hahahahahahahahaha. Both of my assistants are prettier than me so what’s the problem? The next time you guys blame it on the AURA again, maybe you guys should go get your own aura therapy. *Lols.
Aha, speaking of AURA. As I was doing things at the booth, there was this middle aged man passing by. He stopped in front of me and looked at me for a while. What do you expect me to do? Of course I smiled as usual. Then he started saying funny things to me. He started predicting my characters. He said that –
1. I take too much time to make decisions. (DAMN!)
2. I am never satisfied if I work under other people. (DAMN…TRUE!)
3. I get bored easily and I like to change from one work to another. (TRUE, but not a complete sentence.)
4. I am a person who put work on top. If I were to pick between eating and working, I rather work and not eat. (I WISH! *Lols)
Then…he got so excited. He asked me to sign on a paper. I did and he did some more predictions.
1. I am good with handling money. (Again, I Wish!)
2. I am sometimes a rebellious person. (YES, THANK YOU! Hahahahahaha)
3. I am a person with a lot of thoughts and sometimes I find it hard to focus. (Very True!)
4. I am a person who cannot handle too much pressure. (Omg...how did he know??)
4. I’m sure he said more but I forgot the rest! *Lols.
He said that he was a professional. He has a company that does the service that help get the good energy flowing for the person and also for the business. Again he said, he gave me the prediction for free…BECAUSE I SMILED AT HIM.
I was like…Oh well…a smile goes a long way. *giggles.
It was the only small incident that I don’t mind to remember from yesterday. It was hectic, it was hot…and please…no more difficult customer in the future. That’s Final!