Saturday, December 13, 2014

"Not That I Didn't Try"

I've been observing this one personality - been following his updates and stuff. From the way he behaves in his Ig, I can tell that he is not the friendly type. He pick friends and he can't pretend to be in good terms with everyone he knows. So I read that he's said to be boasty, arrogant and doesn't mix with people. Work wise, he's very talented. But outside set, how much can a person act to be someone he isn't? 

I somehow relate to his situation - the part where "not that I don't try, but I'm born like this."  I've been in the situation where I constantly try to be what I think people like me to become. It was damn tiring. It felt good to be liked for that. But how far can I go becoming that person? I can't. I got tired and let it be. Maybe I just understand myself better, and I learn to accept my nature. Being called sombong is nothing new to me, but I just know, it's because we don't have the chance to know each other in a comforting manner. Maybe our roads don't cross, maybe we just never bump and have quality talks. I'm glad that the community where I work, they don't spend too much time judging. They have reached an understanding that, if I behave in a way - I might have something going on, and whatever I do, if anyone get hurt, they know I don't mean it. My ignorance can sometimes be a bit rude, but they know I am not a bad person. Maybe that's good enough for me. I still can't expect them to talk only good things about me, just as long as they know I don't bother their live with my problems. They can rest assured I won't disturb their privacy, and I'm much into my own things that I don't even have that space to badmouth about them. So these people, have accepted me this way. If you think I don't want to be better than this, I do. Who doesn't want to be called all the good names? But it feels better to just be this way, despite the fact that you won't be that likable. That's why some people just insist to do it their way, and lose many friends. That's why, I stop hoping too much that everyone will like me, but at least, if one day they can accept me, understand me, and still find a way to respect me, I hope I will have the chance to personally thank them for that. 

So when you meet someone who is not friendly and hard to approach, remember that deep inside them, they do wish they can be everything you expect, and I'm sure they tried it before and they decided they rather just be themselves. Yeah :)


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