"Bukan Level Kita"

These days kan, sia banyak reject kerja. Sampai kawan2 sia pelik. Sandi juga si 256 ni? Memang susah mau elak apa pandangan orang sama apa yang kita bikin. But we cannot blame them. You know what? Sebab dorang bukan ada di sana bila semua ni bermula. 

Dulu sia pun pernah fikir kawan sia macam tu. Dia lagi senior dari sia. Tapi dia memang memilih kerja. Kalau setakat kerja remeh2 dia ndamau bikin. Sekali imbas macam dia ndamau kalau setakat yang upah murah2. Salahkah untuk dia buat gitu? Pada masa tu sia rasa dia Mengada, Tinggi diri, dan yang sewaktu dengannya. Or dengan perumpamaan yang lebih kasar, "Macam la bagus sangat. Apa lagi kalau yang menilai kita tu lebih berduit dari kita, nampak pula kita reject2 kerja, dorang mesti rasa kita si miskin yang sombong. Hahahahaa. Well, maybe ada betulnya cos kerja kami ni memang bukan bikin kaya pun.

Tapi let me just tell you. Sia sudah pernah rasa jadi beginner. Harga yang sia letak untuk masa dan tenaga sia betul2 serendah yang mungkin. Sia beralah demi mencari pengalaman. Sia rasa diri sia sangat kerdil masa tu. Tapi orang2 ni tidak tau camana sia bermula. Jerih payah sia masa tu, cuma sia ja tau. Sampai ada customer cakap, "Kau caj terlampau murah ni. Kasi up sikit caj kau." Dia pun kesian sama sia tu masa, sebab seolah-olah tenaga dan masa sia teda harga.

So selepas bertahun-tahun dengan progress yang sikit2, sia finally faham kenapa kawan sia yang senior tu cakap "Bukan level kita lagi yang bikin kerja ni". Masa tu sia disagree with him. Sedar nda sedar, sia slowly becomes like him. Sia memilih sudah. But wait, sia memilih ni bukan perkara baru. Sia sudah start bikin ni sejak a few years ago. Customers yang sudah bikin masalah sama sia, sia reject. So you know, duluan lagi sia pilih moral values daripada untung. 

Tapi sekarang, sia tambah kriteria untuk memilih. Iaitu, "Is it worth my time?"

So lets make it simple. I know I've done it so many times. Sia sudah pernah berjaga sampai malam, berwasap sama customers hanya untuk benda yang sepatutnya simple. But semua kesabaran sia, keikhlasan sia, sudah sia curahkan bertahun2 untuk customers2 sia yang sia betul2 hargai. Tapi betul kawan sia bilang, sebab benda tu kita sudah terlampau banyak kali bikin, tiba masanya benda tu dibuat oleh dorang2 yang baru start macam kami dulu. Bukan pasal kami bagus, tapi it's natural to pilih apa yang deserve energy and masa kita yang makin banyak komitment dalam kepala seiring sama umur yg meningkat. 

Macamana pun, sia tetap akan bikin juga kerja2 gitu kalau masa tu mengizinkan. Sia masih tidak jera untuk mudahkan kerja customers2 sia. Cuma kekangan tu sia akur. If you ask me, sia masih mau tu semangat berkobar yang sia ada masa sia mula kerja. But guys, kita semua rasa impact pandemik ni. Biasalah bila rasa lost kejap. Mau rebuild tu semangat dan macam2 lagi "kerja dalaman" yang perlu dibuat iaitu mental dan emosi tu kena recharge biarpun sometimes rasa weak. 

Lets not give up, ok? Get up dari teruskan perjuangan.

“That’s Not My Problem”

Ini adalah satu line yang selalu sia dengar when ada dua orang bercakap tentang hal2 yang berkaitan dengan compromise or anything like that. The last time when I heard one person used it to speak to the other person, “Wow..rudenya!” Seolah2 orang yang bercakap tu betul2 tidak berhati perut, tidak mau tolerate even sikit pun. That was what I thought back then. But Not Anymore. Hehehe.

Sekarang ni, bila sendiri sudah rasa macamana hidup di dunia sebenar yang tidak lari daripada keperluan untuk deal dengan orang lain…sedar tidak sedar, kau sendiri pun mungkin akan guna juga that line. Biasalah dalam dunia business or anything, memang hutang sewa ni perkara biasa. Sewa ni memang bikin pening kepala. Silap2 business u turun sikit, semua untung diguna untuk bayar sewa ja. So memang biasalah banyak business tutup pun gara2 nda tahan dengan sewa ofis/kedai. Yesterday, ada sorang kenalan yang menghadapi masalah sama gara2 dapat penyewa yang tidak berhemah. Sia sendiri tidak sangka yang penyewa premis dia tu sebenarnya ada masalah dengan payment sewa bulanan.

So yesterday, kenalan sia ni mula lah buka cerita. Wah…daripada seorang perempuan yang cakap lembut dan baik, rupa-rupanya dia pun bertukar jadi harimau bila sudah berdepan dengan konflik penyewa yang tidak menepati janji. Dia bagitau penyewa dia tu sudah tangguh sewa selama 4 bulan dan asyik cakap mau bayar, tapi tidak juga bayar. Dia sendiri pun sebenarnya menyewa premis tu daripada pemilik sebenar premis tu. So daripada cadangan dia mau mengurangkan beban mau bayar premis tu, dia kasi sewa setengah dan just bahagia dua saja sewa tu tanpa mark up sikit pun. Tapi ini pula jadinya. So dia mau halau pun susah, dia tidak mau halau pun susah. Di sini la sia terpikir – adakah penyewa yang bermasalah tu sebenarnya memang seorang yang tidak jujur sebab dia make money from using the premis, tapi tidak mau bayar sewa. Or memang pun dia memang tidak dapat make that much money yang enough untuk cover sewa dan belanja lain?

Kenalan sia ni pun sebenarnya sudah cukup baik hati. Dia dengar juga masalah penyewa dia tu yang kununnya mau tunggu loan approve dan macam2 lagi. But loan yang dia tunggu tu pun tidak approve, so nda pasal2 hutang yang beribu-ribu tu tidak tau macamana dia mau bayar. So memang bengang habis my kenalan ni. “ If you kena dengan orang lain, memang u kena halau keluar sudah. Ini sudah cukup bagus sia kasi u bisnes sini biarpun 4 bulan belum bayar. If u tidak mampu, u tutup sajalah ini saloon. Banyak lagi orang lain yang mau ini tempat. Kalau sia kasi sewa RM2 ribu pun dorang sanggup punya.” – Ha…that’s among the things yang dia bagitau sia how she talked to penyewa dia yang merupakan someone yang dia kenal quite lama juga. So si penyewa ni pun mula la bagitau problem dia itu ini – memang rumit juga situasi dia. Macam nasib dia nda berapa bagus. Sudah make effort pun sama juga tidak menjadi. So, how should my friend react? Ahaa…read the title again. Mestipun dia akan shout back, “That’s Not My Problem!!!”

Adakah kenalan sia tu jahat sebab cakap macam tu? Apa lagi bila dia bercakap dengan orang yang lama sudah dia kenal. Mana sudah perginya hati perut dia tu? But sekarang sia paham yang memang pun betul semua orang ada masalah sendiri. Kenalan sia tu cuma tau dia kena pay RM3 ribu satu bulan untuk premis dia tu, dan how untuk kasi maju business dia; which are already very susah and memeningkan. Now u present me your problems pula, yg merupakan addition to my existing problems? Is it the right time to be compassionate towards others when you have done all your best to take care of your own problems? Why can’t others do the same with their own problems?

So actually, it’s not that heartless to say it. I have people who said it to me before and I thought that it was cruel enough. But I think one day I’m going to say the same thing when I deal with difficult people. And more thing that I learn is that – I will NEVER list to others my problems and difficulties that don’t concerned them because They Are Right that It’s Really Not Their Problem. :)

A Parasite Forever?

Ahaa…ini satu scenario yg banyak berlaku di keliling kita. Silap2, u guys pun pernah jadi mangsa or pernah menjadikan orang lain mangsa. Orang lain yg susah payah buat kerja, orang lain pula yang mendapat pujian atas kerja tu. Sounds familiar?

Memang satu perangai manusia yang sukakan pujian dan penghargaan. You can’t blame anyone for that. But sudah tau begitu, pandai2 la cari jalan tengah. Susah juga kalau menceburi bidang yang u sendiri tidak begitu mahir. Maksudnya, u cuma gunakan peluang yang ada dan gunakan akal u untuk maju dalam bidang tu sedangkan orang lain yang bertungkus lumus buat kerja untuk u. You ada duit, orang lain ada kemahiran – dan bila bergabung, jadilah hubungan simbiosis? Dalam ertikata lain, win-win situation. Or is it actually Parasitism?

I know a few people who do that. Dorang run a business yang dorang kurang mahir dan berharap sepenuhnya dengan staff dorang. Contohnya business pembuatan batik. Ada sorang senior ni yang run the business. Dia hire beberapa pekerja. Sia pernah bercakap dengan one of the staff yang jadi “tulang belakang” kepada kenalan sia ni. Daripada gaji RM350, dilonjakkan kepada RM1,000 gara-gara dia berhasrat mau berhenti kerja. Dia cakap, semua kerja dia yang buat. Bengkel dorang tu macam rupa2 bangsal ja. Langsung tidak glemer dan tidak selesa. Tapi di sana lah batik2 tu dilukis. Boss dia jarang2 pijak bengkel tu. Boss dia pijak tempat2 yang orang nampak, contohnya pentas runway di majlis yang dihadiri artis2 terkenal tempatan, dan diperkenalkan sebagai one of the Designers of Batik. Sepa tau, semua ke-glamour-an itu sebenarnya berpunca dari sebuah bengkel buruk dengan pekerja2 yang tension yang merasa diri tiada kehidupan sebab tidak mix dengan orang dan asyik terperap di bengkel siapkan kerja. Apa lagi bila si boss sediakan rumah yang dekat dengan bengkel tu supaya dorang mudah. Lagilah dorang tidak mix dengan orang luar. Hidup dorang cuma di antara rumah dan bengkel itu ja. Bila staff tu bercakap dengan sia, I felt something deep inside her. Dia rasa tertekan dengan kerja dia. Tapi sepa sangka, dia ni la sebenarnya Nafas kepada business boss dia. Bukan senang mau cari orang yang boleh lukis free hand batik dan tidak pula mengomplen bila tiada caruman EPF. She said to me, “She knows nothing about Batik,” which she refers to her boss. I imagine that the girl won’t stay there forever. She will eventually look for a greener pasture. By then, what is going to happen with the business? I bet the boss would not rather think about it. “Nanti2 sajalah pikir.” Sia tidak mau salahkan the boss why dia tidak pandai buat batik tu sendiri, but itu tidak bermakna yang dia tidak setuju bahawa dia akan dilanda kesusahan bila staff dia tu berhenti. Bukan untuk blame sesiapa, tapi terpikir juga…memang susah kalau bergantung pada orang lain. For example, do you guys opt for machine pernafasan kalau kamu mampu bernafas sendiri? Isn’t it good to be able to breathe sendiri? Aha…something like that.

The other day, my sister asked for my help. Her superior asked for her favour for his coming presentation. The thing is, the last time, my sister asked for my help to do the same type of work for her. So after her workmates and superiors saw the work, they liked it. So when there’s a job like that, they just hand it to my sister. So my sister has to ask for my favour again. It’s not exactly a favour. She put a certain price so I would want to do the job. But this time, the timing was bad. I was busy with my new place. My sister gave me 2 days to do it and she assumed that I agreed. Only after less than a day, she called me. “I need the work in 1 hour”. Then I was like, “Whatt???” She said his superior had an urgent call for the presentation. So my sister came to my office and indirectly “forced” me to do the work. That was crazy. You know the likes of [256] gonna snap on something like that. This isn’t Symbiosis. I didn’t have anything to gain from the job and I didn’t want the money, and I didn’t have the freaking time!!! And to be a compassionate sister, the work wasn’t even for her! It was for her superior, who is a more experienced man who should KNOW something how to do the job on his own. Anyway, I did the job anyway and asked my sister to do the double-check since that she was rushing and I had a lot of job to do too. At least, she must spare me My Time after I had sacrificed my time. But my sister was like stuck there and said she couldn’t do it because she was slow on that and she didn’t have much time left. My goodness!!! “Kerja kamu ni macam kerja budak2 saja. Just hope itu budak sekolah rendah tidak tau taip macam ni.” *Lols. Because of their lack of creativity, their work looked like mess. And I had to sit there fixing their work…My goodness!!! You guys are so-called reliable people and don’t even know how to do this?? I was kinda mad because I knew my sister wanted some compliment from her superior for presenting the work, and the superior wanted to get compliments from other people for having a “well-touched-up” work. Everyone seemed to have something to gain but who’s doing the work again? Yess, ME!!! I was so pressured because of this chain of compliment-chasers and nobody would know it’s [256] who did all the job. No thanks for the recognition but PLEASEE, can you guys not be too much of a Parasite? TRY to be good in the skill you want to be recognized for. Equip yourself with the necessary knowledge. You guys can’t just turn someone’s life upside down just because you are too lazy and too dependent on others. If they want my help, they must Follow my time, agree? Do I have to cancel my schedule just because you don’t know how to do your own work properly and I have to sit there and fix all the little mistakes? This is crazeeeyyy!! You can multiply the payment 10 times, I still don’t want jobs like that again. I have the pressure of my existing job and now I have to share the burden of other people’s work too? This is wrong!!! My goodness! At least, you excel in the job you are assigned to do, right? Until when that I could stand in and do the work behind the scene when others get the compliments for it? Don’t you guys want to earn the compliment on your own? I tell you that you gonna land yourself in trouble if you prefer to resort to Parasitism – I’m talking about human beings who have no constraint to do anything they want. It’s only either you want or you don’t want. Or maybe you’re just plain lazy. So do you prefer to be a Parasite forever?

Challenge yourself. Never ever be that dependent as you were last year. I am still doing it too. I rather sweat extra sweats just because I don’t want to drag people in my own mess. Do you have forever to start and be responsible with your own life? It’s time, guys. Start now!!!

Note: You guys jangan heran…my sister used to having me membebel inda tentu and she has to tahan telinga cos the job that I could do for her is more important than my laser-talk. Hahahahaahahahaahahahahahaahahahhaaahahaha :PPPPPPPP

Are You A Big-Hearted Donor?

Do you know how to measure the price of one’s sweat?

I’m not used to “giving price” to one’s sweat, that’s why I always ask, “How much do you ask for if I ask for your favour?” The main reason I ask is so I know how much the person is expecting so that I know how much I’m going to pay. It’s like a fair trade. But there are times when the people you ask for favour from are not bold enough to name the price. They tend to say, “It’s Up To You.” Or “Ikut kau saja”

Doii!! Punyalah sia nda suka bila orang cakap macam tu. I actually prefer it to be professional. I ask for your favour, I should pay a certain price that you think equivalent for the task that you do for me. So lately I needed a lot of work to be done. I needed a lot of people to do tasks for me. It’s even harder when your family members offer to do the job – and usually if you pay them, they will feel embarrassed to accept the money. Of course usually we prefer our family or relatives do the job for us thinking that we could save money because they won’t ask you as much as the what other people would. But if this is what you’re after, you might be wrong cos sometimes you could end up paying more, thinking that you have to be compassionate with your family members. “Jangan terlampau berkira sama sodara sendiri” orang cakap. Hehehe. Well, what do you say?

Tomorrow I’m going to ask for some “helping hands” to move my stuff to my new workplace. So I asked my mom just now, how much should I pay these guys?

My mom said, RM 50 sounds like a good amount. I asked, “Tidak terlampau banyak ka tu?” Cos all they need to do it lift the furniture downstairs, that’s all! Then my mom said, “Kira macam kau tulung2 juga ba dorang tu. Lain kali besar hati dorang mau tulung kalau ada apa2.” Then I was thinking – I thought that RM50 was too big for the task. But the same guys helped me before, I actually gave them RM 100 for helping me to move my stuff into another room and to disconnect the electrical appliances. “Sepa suruh kau kasi banyak sebelum ni,” said my mom. Then I went pening sekejap. For tomorrow, the job is much easier. I thought that it is a large amount for them, and it won’t be so much task for them because lifting the heavy furniture is just nothing to them. But I spare them compassions knowing that it would be a big amount for them and it would mean so much to them because money doesn't come easy. Like my mom always say, “Macam sedekah juga ba tu.” But then, look at me, am I in the position to be a big-hearted donor? Now that I will need to use a lot of money to arrange things since I move to a new workplace, is this the time to be generous? Hahaahahaha.

I agree with my mom that it would mean a lot for the people if I can be a little generous to them. I know that it’s gonna make them happy. I know that God will be happy too. But what I have in my mind is I should be in a very good financial situation before it’s proper for me to “donate”. Erks. But the question is, is it just an excuse? Will there be a time when we have Enough to share a little portion of what we have with others? Or are the people who use this excuse are just plain stingy? Like so kedekut like Haji Bakhil? *Lols

I remember having my brunch at a nearby restaurant. It has been many mornings that I eat there. Biasanya akan ada ni apek tua yang datang dari meja ke meja untuk minta derma. Macam sudah jadi satu jadual untuk dia yang dia akan datang restoren tu setiap jam sebab biasanya dalam tempoh tu memang orang yg duduk di meja tu sudah bertukar. Awal2 tu, memang sia tidak akan bagi. Sebab masa sia mula selalu datang makan di sana, sia sentiasa pikir my problems so memang sia rasa yang sia sendiri pun lebih banyak problem daripada tu apek. *Lols. So maybe kebanyakan orang di sana pun pikir mcm sia cos jarang yg mau bagi. That apek memang sedikit disabled dan dia memang sudah tua. So adakah orang2 di sana memang ada cukup2 duit untuk bayar makanan saja, or dorang rasa tu apek malas berusaha or dorang takut tu apek akan sentiasa minta dengan dorang bila dorang bagi sekali? Ahaa… macam2 sebab.

But until one morning. Hati sia hepi sikit. Sia tengok keliling. Sia cari itu apek. “Mana tu apek ah?” Hahaahahahaha. Then betul2 panjang umur dia. Nda lama tu, dia datang lagi dan mula lah pegi dari satu meja ke satu meja. Yang funnynya, oleh kerana mood sia bagus tu hari, sia memang mau derma sama ni apek. So lucu juga sia rasa cos biarpun dia sedang menuju ke arah meja sia, dari jauh lagi sia ready untuk bagi dia. Itu apek pun takajut tu kali sebab “uii…bersemangat jua ni urg mau kasi derma,” dalam hati tu apek. Hahaahahahahahahahaha.

Pernah juga dulu. Masa sia keluar lepak dengan kawan2 sia. Ada ni org pekak/bisu yang datang and jual that red bean yg ada tulisan, dorang minta RM5 untuk setiap tu. It’s like menderma and get a gift. Tapi ganjil pula kan sebab dorang yg tentukan jumlah derma tu. Heheehe. So masa tu sia terus kasi keluar duit and bagi. Dalam hati sia, “Dapat berkat juga ba tu.” But then, my friends mcm sembunyi expressi terkejut dorang. Maybe dorang pikir yg, ndakkanlah si [256] nda pandai pikir yg dorg tu semua lengkap anggota badan, cuma bisu dan pekak saja. Tapi kejanya cuma minta derma. Tangan dorang buli buat byk keja yang layak untuk dorang digaji. Then…the question is…

Adakah kejadian “memberi derma” tu adalah berpandukan kepada keikhlasan tangan yang memberi atau “kelayakan” orang yg menerima derma tu?

Bagi sia, biarpun sia tau org tu sangat susah dan layak menerima derma, tapi kalau sia sendiri pun rasa diri sia sendiri pun tidak berkemampuan untuk bagi apa2, still I don’t give. Tapi kalau rasa diri berkemampuan, biarpun orang tu bukannya susah sangat, tetap ringan juga tangan memberi. Pokoknya, memang bagus dapat share something dengan orang dan buat dorang senyum. Kalau rezeki kita murah, inilah masanya bila kita tidak payah berkira berapa yang kita mampu bagi dengan orang sebab kita nda tau bahawa apa yang kita bagi tu mungkin dapat menyelamatkan satu nyawa atau menyebabkan kebahagiaan dan kegembiraan. Mungkin kita tidak tau pun yang ada orang bersyukur dalam doa dorang “for sending me an angel” dan angel itu adalah kamu. Pikir punya pikir, like my mom said…itu harta bukan bawa pigi dunia sebelah. Kalau mampu, share2 la dengan mereka yang kurang bernasib baik :) Sepa tau, esok lusa, masa kamu pula :)

Note: Mudah-mudahan Tuhan kasi banyak rezeki boleh share2 dengan orang yg baik hati...and hopefully dorang get inspired by it and dorang pun akan share2 juga dengan orang lain bila dorang senang nanti :)

Will You Miss Me After Three Christmas & Two Valentine’s?

Do you have any idea how many lives you touch as you go by with your days?

How many faces smiled because of the sound of your laughter?

How many hearts were delighted just to have your company around?

I bet you have no idea. I bet you wouldn’t care so much, or even if you do care, You wouldn’t know how much difference you make just by being there in a certain crowd of people.

“[256], this place will never be the same again without you.”

Something in their eyes that shouted at me,

“[256], Don’t Leave”

It made me realized that my presence did mean something to these people. I never really took my effort to connect with them, nor did I ever try to be accepted – cos that’s not part of my agenda. It’s logic however, that nothing is perfect. I might have hurt some heart along the way. I might piss some people off along the way. And I might make them gossiping or swearing at me behind my back. But…when I finally decided to leave this place…it all doesn’t matter anymore. Cos today I learn that...

After 3 Christmas and 2 Valentine’s, when I thought that I had enough, now they realized that it doesn’t matter if there are bad memories all the time I was here, cos what they know for sure is…It’s kinda painful to see me go.

Yes, I’m going to leave this place.

My phone kept ringing for days, “256, Where Are You Moving To?” “256, you’re not here anymore. Where Are You Now ?” “256, don’t forget to let me know when you’re are settled with the new place” or the most I can hear is… “256, WHY do you have to leave?”

I was startled at the fact that until something is coming to the end, then only all the worthwhile things are coming to the surface.

3 Christmas and 2 Valentine’s – they are behind me but because of them, I gain these people’s affections and friendships. This move will only make us closer. Trust me :)

Yes, after 3 Christmas and 2 Valentine’s … finally I’m leaving :)

Do You Know Your Value?

I listened to a guyfriend arguing with someone on the phone. "He shouldn't say something bad about my work in front of my customers" The tune was rather harsh to come out from his mouth. I could feel the tension and anger. The next day I got to ask him, What's with the phonecall yesterday? Were you arguing with someone or what?

He told me that a friend complained about his work in front of his customers. The customers felt bad about it because they "had a second thought" whether or not this guyfriend really gave them the best service that they expected. But after hearing opinion from someone who is also in the same field (photography, that is), the customers told this guyfriend what the other person said. The guyfriend felt so upset that someone belittled him, looked down on him and his capability.

I told him a very useful knowledge that I learn from a motivational book.

"If you build your self-esteem on other people's approval, then it only take ONE bad comment and already you're down. But if you build your self esteem on yourself; that you believe in your strength regardless what people think about it, then people can say 100 bad things about you and you will still standing strong."

Ask yourself, do you need other people's good comment to think that you ARE really good in something?

You must understand, that Life is an Art – it's subjective. I can come to you and say that your hair sucks, but the other person says your hair is gorgeous. And have another 10 persons- you will be fed with different comments from different perspective. Some might say that your hair is too thick for your face, or long hair doesn't suit you – hell, people stop at nothing. You look at the mirror and ask yourself what do you think? Maybe it all that matters in the end. WHAT YOU FEEL about yourself.

The other day, a good guyfriend dropped by at my workplace. He used to be my bestfriend; the friend I discussed a lot of issues with. One thing about this guy, he's quite particular about things. The first encounter that we had years ago was that he thought I was someone to look up to. He admired many things about me. He officially admitted that he was really a fan of mine. I was flattered because he wasn't so generous with compliments. He likes to analyze people and criticize. That's him. So it's normal that when we occasionally meet, he always notices changes in me. He would complain if I gain weight, or when he saw pimples on my face, or if my hair is messy – he would say it straight. I hated it. I hated it when he comes and he always try to find something to complain about. The recent visit to my workplace was a bit different. He was happy to see me. And I was starting to talk like a train – trying to tell him many things about my plans. He smiled – I thought that he must miss my train-talk. The talk that can go on and on speaking of ideas and motivations that you don't always hear. He smiled. Despite knowing that he's a very judgmental person, I cared very little. I know that he might complain about my new haircolour that looked so striking, or maybe he complained about my shirt. But neither did I care about. Yes, maybe I gained some weight from the last time that we met, he complained about it. "[256], do you actually find pleasure in putting more weight, or what?" Hahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahhaah. Dammit. He pointed at the pictures that I put on the wall. "Look at those pics. If you maintain those weight like in the pictures, I think it's much better." I just laughed at him. I don't know why his opinions don't matter anymore. I mean, I DON'T CARE!!

Maybe I always have it in me. When people say something bad about myself, it made me feel down, but…I have to say sorry to them because still it doesn't change what I feel about myself. I don't know what's wrong with me. Even if people's bad comments can make me cry or sad, but still I DON'T buy them. I know deep inside that I am "something else". If they say I'm bad, I always know that I'm not that bad. If they say I'm good, I also know that maybe I'm not that good. But I know in the areas where I'm good in, yes I am good. And I don't ask people about that. I come a long way to realize my strength. You can't come to me and say something bad to me and make everything collapse in a second. No, no. You can't do that.

So maybe this is what the motivational books means about Building your self-esteem on yourself instead of on other people's approval. I think I'm a little bit there, if not completely there. So what my guyfriend thought about me gaining a little weight (for example) – is so so little to bring me down. It's just WEIGHT, people. Do you know MY VALUE as a human being? It's not on weight. I can keep gain a little or lose a little, but MY VALUE as human being is not affected. I can still feel very valuable because I still have the capabilities that I appreciate having. All these physical things are just a pinch of salt of who you are. But if you're handicapped inside, you can wear the fanciest gown, wear the most expensive make-ups and still it doesn't change your real value as your human being. That's why I don't worry so much what people say about my physical or anything they can see. If they say something bad, I just know that I'm better than that. If they say something really good, Uh-oh…Maybe I'm not that good yet but thanks, maybe one day I can be that good. Value is not what's physical. Someone can like you because he think you have a cute face, you have a nice body and all – but if that's all that you have, it's like an EMPTY can. And all those physicals are not there to stay. We need to have something else to put our value on. Now, don't you feel silly that you always care so much to be called beautiful, sexy, hot and all the bla bla bla – those values are vulnerable. They are not even a value at all. They are just – Add-ons.

I can't tell you what your value is – that's your job to find out :)

Stepping On Someone...Anyone?

Since 2 years ago, I put this as my mission. I won’t trouble anyone on my way to my dreams. Tell me I’m greedy. But I just want to claim the victory alone. Yeah, but semua org akan dapat kesenangan. Sia dapat what I want, and dorang pula tidak perlu disusahkan dalam proses itu. I mean, apalah guna membina satu istana di atas peluh orang lain? That’s the point. Sia cabar diri sia sampai ke tahap itu supaya JANGAN sampai orang lain yg susah gara2 sia mau capai impian sia. Kalau nda, teda guna sia pegi sekolah bertahun-tahun. Apa yang sia dapat? At least tunjukkan la yang kau memang sudah jadi orang yang betul2 orang. Ada otak mau pikir.

I still remember about a year ago, ada this office mau buka dekat dengan tempat kerja sia. The guy yang in-charged ni bukan main lagi – lukis pelan renovation, pakai software canggih2 and then bila start talking with me – dia jack2 dia punya boss yang kununnya ambil business bukan alang2. Semua paling kurang pun puluh2 ribu. Ok fine, good for them. Tapi satu kali dia mau call boss dia, dia tanya, “Eh, teda kredit o, buli pinjam telefon kau? Please la, penting ni. Kejap ja” Tekejut sia kejap. Cakap sampai ke negeri China sudah jauhnya, tapi rupanya mau call boss dia pun kena pinjam my phone. But ndapa, maybe dia mau jimat masa. Hehehe. And then, pelan yang canggih2 tu, bawa laptop canggih depan2 sia…Kasi tinguk how itu software boleh buat 3d punya renovation plan. Lepas tu, “Ala, sia mau print ba ni tapi teda printer kami. Boleh kau tulung print?” Benda2 kecil begitu sia tidak patut berkira la ba kan, but sia rasa “geli hati” sebab “something is not right” but I didn’t know what it was. Tidak apa, sia tell myself yang apa salahnya tolong menolong, lagipun dorang gonna be my neighbour juga. And then masa perabot sampai, that office masih renovation, teda tempat simpan tu perabot semua. That guy masuk my place and ukur…”I think macam muat tu perabot semua kami simpan sini sementara.” Sia tinguk ja that guy dengan no emotion. Dengan tiba2 sia rasa dia sudah menamakan diri dia sebagai sia punya rakan kongsi or anyone yang ada hak ke atas tempat kerja sia tu. Sia tidak tau mau ketawa ka, mau maki dia ka, or mau halau dia keluar. (Hahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahaha) I mean, sia betul2 tidak tau how to react sama ni stranger yang sia baru kenal beberapa hari itupun pasal dia yang selalu pegi menyibuk minta macam2. Sia cuma boleh geleng kepala ja tinguk. Dengan umur yang jauh lebih senior dari sia – sia nampak dia macam budak kecil yang belum berapa kenal dunia sebenar. Tapi ndapa. Sia tidak judge dia begitu cepat. I don’t think a guy that senior boleh jadi begitu naïve dan tidak pakai akal. And then, tidak cukup dengan tu, contractor yang buat kerja di ofis dorang tu, tidak ada kerusi. Then, “[256], buli pinjam kerusi extra kau? Kasi ja berapa yang kau ada.” (/me tahan geli hati). Ok, fine, sia kasi jugalah. And then tidak pandai kasi balik. Pun sia tidak complain. Banyak lagi benda lain sia mau buat selain daripada mau jaga itu kerusi. Tidak cukup dengan tu, hari2 mesti datang my place, untuk tengok – “Apa lagi sia buli pinjam dari kau ni ah?”

(HAHHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA)

Bila benda tu sudah keterlaluan, barulah sia terpikir. “This is TOO MUCH!!!!” Masa tu I think I have the right to be angry. Dulu masa tempat keja sia ni masih kosong dan baru mau move in, sepa berani cakap yang sia pernah susahkan dorang? Biarpun barang kecil2 mcm screwdriver or paku – semakin kecil semakin la sia mampu untuk beli sendiri. Even tukul, or whatever yang sia perlu – Jangan harap sia ada masa pegi tanya orang lagi sama ada dorang ada atau tidak tu alat. If you want telefon line, you pegi Telekom and register. If you want fax, buy a fax machine. Does it take a genius? Kita ni bukan di asrama or di sekolah lagi – semua benda u berharap sama orang sebelah katil or sebelah locker you. Cabaran dunia ni terlalu banyak – but kecil2 mcm tu pun u tidak boleh handle, apa lagi u boleh handle?

Ini yang sia rasa lucu dengan sikap segelintir manusia yang mau capai Utopia dengan memijak belakang orang lain. This isn’t about “Oh, kamu ni ambil masa sia ja, sikit2 mau minta tulung” or “Kamu nda buli beli sendiri ka tu benda. Murah ja ba tu” It isn’t about that. This is about ATTITUDE yg suka bergantung dan menyusahkan orang. If orang ada attitude begini, kalau dia buli suruh kamu tuang tu air minum pegi mulut dia, dia akan suruh!!! People like this find pleasure in being dependent dengan orang lain. Dorang tidak mau susah lebih sikit, or tidak mau usaha lebih sikit – kalau ada yang boleh disusahkan dulu, susahkah orang tu dulu, kalau betul2 tidak dapat, barulah TERPAKSA susahkan diri sendiri. Tapi impian mau jadi company yang berprestij. Sepa sangka, even pensel pemadam pun pinjam sebelah ofis. ATTITUDE ini betul2 tidak ngam. Sampaikan sia dekat2 mau teriak that guy, “Alang2 sudah kamu pinjam semua dan buat mcm rumah sendiri, are you sure you don’t want my job ka?” (HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA)

Sia cakap ni bukan suka2. Sia pun pernah kena cuci telinga cos sia pun pernah jadi mcm dorang dulu. “[256], u tidak boleh terlalu bergantung. Ini cuma cabaran kecil saja pun u tidak boleh handle? Ada betimbun lagi cabaran di luar sana.” Masa tu sia betul2 tertampar, but still sia tidak paham. NOW I understand sebab sia sudah sahut cabaran tu supaya jangan sampai ada orang yang berani lecture sia begitu lagi. Cukup satu kali malu. Bila u simpan impian mau jadi businessman yang berjaya, u mesti berani invest ba kan? U ada RM10 tapi mau make itu jadi RM1 million ka – dengan – “Alaa, apa2 hal semua buli minta pinjam ba tu sepa2 yang ada”. Doiii…sampai bila juga kamu mau mcm tu? Berpada-pada la ba sikit. Sia tidak kisah kalau ada satu kali u guys take advantage of my kindness, tapi sia kesian sama u guys in the long run kalau u tidak ubah. Cos sia cuma susah sekali saja kerana kamu, tapi kamu akan susah sampailah kamu sedar dan berubah!!

I know, in my situation sekarang, I have friends yang TRYING to use me untuk memudahkan diri sendiri. They do it courteously la juga…tidak mau terlalu ketara. But U THINK I’M STUPID ka? Kalau kawan2 lama sia or my relatives or family members tu lain cerita. We have “blood issues” with them, kita jangan terlalu berkira. But ini orang2 yang baru kenal sikit, sudah pikir “How to use her to get what I want?” Haa, u guys nampak my face smiling sweetly 24 jam u think u can step on me? Sometimes I enjoy it yang people judge us on first impression. Nampak sia ni nice sikit, mulalah naik minyak. Again – if you tidak ubah your approach…you won’t get there. Cos sooner or later people will get so sick and tired of being your stepping stone. It’s obvious that you guys belum nampak reality kehidupan ni. Orang lain teda masa mau rely on orang lain. Kalau buli buat tu bangunan KLCC dengan tangan sendiri, dorang sanggup buat. Cos orang yg ada mission teda masa mau tunggu orang lain untuk provide semua benda untuk kesenangan dorang. Sebab kalau bergantung dengan orang, itu orang terajun paya pun u pun terpaksa ikut sebab terlampau malas dan tidak mau berusaha. Ask yourself, Sampai bila???

"Special Treatment"

You guys tau kah antara sedar atau tidak, kita ni sebenarnya sentiasa mengamalkan double standards? Kununnya kita ni sangatlah mengecam tindakan boss kita yang "pilih bulu" dengan bagi layan istimewa untuk workmates kamu yang tertentu, sedangkan sebenarnya mungkinkah perkara ni satu tindakan luar sedar yang each of us buat?

Sia terpikir topic ni after a lady who worked next door my office greeted me dengan bunyi yang sangat sopan sekali. Time kerja, I could hear her voice from my office. Dia ni mulut mcm loose canon sikit. Tidak tapis2 bahasa. Daripada "Kenapa juga kau pigang2 punggung sia ni, kau pikir masih virgin ka ni?" sampailah kepada, "Rimas sia tinguk muka kau ni tau." Haa, benda2 tu yang sia dengar keluar daripada mulut dia. Memang laser abis. Tapi laser dia ni kadang2 melucukan. Orang2 sekeliling dia kadang2 jadikan mulut laser dia tu sebagai hiburan. Kadang2 sia pun ketawa juga dengar percakapan dia tu. Hehehehehe.

Sia ni tidaklah boleh dilabelkan sebagai Friendly sama orang2 keliling sia, apa lagi kalau setakat main limpas2 saja. I always mind my own business so bila sia tau perangai thatl ady macam tu, sia lagilah don't want to have anything to do with her. I don't like orang mulut laser yang suka sakitkan hati orang. Mulut laser main sindir2 macam sia selalu buat tu (lain ceritalah…) *Lols. But that lady always treats me differently. Bila dia datang and tanya2 sia tentang hal tertentu, dia sangat rational dan tidak cakap nda tentu2. Macam dia jaga betul percakapan dia. Sampaikan sia pun tinguk dia lain macam, "Dia ni ok ka?" Hahahahaahahahahaha. Well, thankful juga la cos I don't have to deal with mulut laser yang tidak bertempat.

I still remember dulu time college years. Ada sorang budak ni, which was one of my ex- schoolmates from secondary school. Dalam banyak2 geng budak samseng, dia ni antara yang "digeruni" oleh kawan2 baru sia, sebab biarpun dia tu kecil, tapi brutal sikit. Memang terkenal dengan kesamsengan dia yang suka break the rules. Padahal muka bukan main kiut lagi. Mungkin the fact yang dia ni anak orang kaya, yang menyebabkan dia ada satu gaya yang menunjukkan her so-called status. Dia ni pernah satu bilik dengan sia dulu, but tidak lama. Cos she got expelled from school cos masalah disiplin. Memang tidak percaya. "Jahat betulkah dia?" Sia masih ingat, sia ni selalu pasang my small radio biarpun masa tidur. Then masa sleeptime to, my other roommates bercakap, "Buli kamu tulung diam ka? Sia mau tidur ni." She said to them. Sia pun kasi palan my radio (tapi tatap don't want to turn it off ba kan…hahaahahaha) Then she said, "[256], bukan kau. Sia cakap sama dorang ja tu. Kau pasang la tu radio." Yup, she said that. Mesti my other roommates pun heran. But I never really thought about it. That was during secondary school.

Time our first year in college, after my new friends kenal dia ni sebagai satu figure yang "dorang mau elak kalau boleh" (*Lols), then one day, kami just duduk2 masa petang time riadah. Geng2 dia ni datang la join kami. Bagi sia ok ja, but my other friends start rasa nda selesa. She sat beside me and we started talking macam biasa. Sepa sangka, kawan2 sia yg lain terasa gerun tinguk kami bercakap. Cos they thought sia akan kena maki or what oleh that girl. After we talked, my bestfriend came to me and said, "Wow, dia cakap bagus2 o sama kau kan?" Then I said, "Aiks, jadi mau cakap macamana lagi?" Then she said that she thought that girl akan brutal sama semua orang. Rupanya tidak. Well, mungkin ini tindakan refleks or what?

Macam juga dalam family. Ada yang your mom or dad akan treat lebih special dari yang lain. Sama juga dengan adik beradik. Ada yang dorang akan lebihkan daripada yang lain. Persoalan yg timbul adalah…Kenapa kita treat orang tertentu lebih baik daripada yang lain? Dalam kes yang sia pernah lalui, sia tidak pun mempunyai kepentingan dalam hidup orang2 tu. Like my friend yang brutal tu, she gains nothing from treating me nicely. I wasn't in her league at all and she always knows that. Or is there something about how we bring ourselves that we get special treatments from certain people?

I think memang we have this intuition how we evaluate people, and how we think they deserve to be treated. Maybe kita pun tidak tau yang our mind process the evaluation like that. Biarpun sia ni banyak cakap and suka buat joke nda tentu2, tapi my bestfriend yang selalu kena "Gete oo ni perempuan" oleh sorang lagi kawan baik kami yang owez lepak together. Sampaikan lain sudah muka bestfriend sia tu. Sedangkan me and my bestfriend pun lebih kurang juga tahap kegilaannya. *Lols. Kadang2 sia pun tersedar juga. Tapi ada juga people who treat me a little worse than they treat others. So I think penilaian orang ni tidak sama. So what we can do from here is…if we want to get other people's respect, maybe the key is only one. Respect them and treat them the best and when they get it, they will appreciate it by returning the same respect. If we still don't get the treatment we think we deserve, then there's very little we can do. Bottomline is, asal kita jangan saja2 mau jahat dengan orang lain pun cukup sudah tu.

But jangan silap. Getting someone's respect doesn't mean that you let them step on your back. Itu lain cerita. I've been there too. Silap2…pasal sia sudah lalui tu semua la then only I learnt how to earn people's respect dengan cara yang betul. Actually, I didn't try so hard juga. Tapi if Special treatment ni berpihak kepada diri kita, it's actually a boost kepada self-esteem kita. Baru kita sedar yang dalam kita sibuk mengutuk diri sendiri, orang lain pun tidak kutuk kita seteruk tu. So maybe we can use that untuk lebih menghargai diri sendiri. Yes, memang ngam advice tu untuk diri sia sendiri. Sia rasa sia pun belum cukup sayang diri sendiri lagi ni. Hehehehe. Well, baguslah if orang lain ble help me make me see myself more worthy kan :) Memang menarik betul bonding sesama manusia ni kan guys...

Hope we have everything to gain from it! :)

Dare To Die!!!

Wahh…semenjak dua menjak ni…sia asyik bercakap tentang perkara2 yang motivate me. Ruginya kalau sia nda tulis benda ni kan. So here I am!

Hari tu…ada customer sia yang sempat borak with me. She’s my senior. Orangnya sempoi saja, tapi poket dia penuh. Dressing ala kadar. She runs a tourism agency with her hubby. Dia ni lah mama angkat kepada The Lucky Baby yang sia pernah cerita di post tahun lalu. Baru2 ni dorang satu family terbang pegi Hong Kong dan bercuti di sana hampir 1 bulan tanpa risau dengan business dorang. Dorang balik2 ja Sabah, sibuk buat persiapan bday that lucky baby yang ke 1 tahun. Bila sia tengok persiapan dia untuk majlis bercukur anak tunggal kesayangan dia tu – baju budak tu saja pun mau dekat RM1k, then sia tumpang tekejut saja la dengan big-spending dorang tu. Dalam hati sia… “Ini la ni kalau sudah lahir2 ja terus kaya.” Dekat setahun lebih sia beranggapan macam tu, until la sia akhirnya bercakap dengan dia dengan lebih detail.

Dia cerita dengan sia yang perjalanan untuk sampai ke tahap hidup senang yang boleh pegi holiday ni bukan cerita senang. Company tu dorang mula daripada Zero. And then, dorang pernah melalui kejatuhan yang kaw2 punya…sampaikan semua staff berhenti, bank call2 untuk tanya pasal installment kereta yang tertunggak. “Bunuh diri ja nda,” dia cakap. Bukan calang2 punya kejatuhan. And then, customer pun datang hentam dorang. Ada lagi accident yang berlaku yang menyebabkan reputasi company dorang bertambah teruk.

Masa dia sibuk bercakap, I was startled. Pandai2 ja sia assume yang dia ni kaya dari lahir. Kalau betullah apa yang dia cakap tu, dia sebenarnya sudah rasa macamana jadi susah. Dia bagitau pelaburan2 yang dorang sudah buat, ada yang tidak menjadi dan membawa kerugian. They took the RISK. Risk yang dorang ambil tu bukan alang2 punya. Sama ada kau terus hidup atau kau gulung tikar. Itu saja ending dia. But, sepa sangka, pasal dorang berani la dorang sampai ke tahap hari ni.

Then sia menyampuk, “Mesti mau berani mati ba kan?” sambil2 bergurau. She agreed with it right away. “Yess…betul. MESTI MAU BERANI MATI.” Uishh… serius ja bunyi dia tu ba. Hehehehe. Pikir buli hidup balikkah kalau sudah mati? Alaalalalala… Hehehehe.

Itu cuma kata kiasan saja. It’s about TAKING A HIGH RISK in order to move forward. Kalau sentiasa play it safe, sebenarnya teda apa juga yang kita dapat. Cuma “SAFE” itu saja lah reward dia, but SAFE only for the time being. Sama juga Safe yang tidak bekesudahan akhirnya tidak ke mana2. What For? That’s why la dengan bangganya dia nasihat sia supaya BERANI buat keputusan besar dalam hidup sia. Jangan asyik takut rugi, takut gagal… susah mau maju. Kalau jatuh tidak apa, asalkan bangkit semula.

Sia angguk paham. “Yes, Dare To Die, kan.”

Then she continued, “Dare To Die but YOU MUST LIVE.”

Then I paused for a while and say, YES!! Dare to die but Don’t Die, but Live!

Maksudnya, bila kita mau capai sesuatu, kadangkala risk yang diambil tu terlalu besar tetapi yang kita kejar tu pun sangat berbaloi. So, adakah kita akan terus memilih untuk tidak mencuba gara2 takut gagal dan rugi? You guys sedar kah yang Life ini memang adalah untuk kita sentiasa capai sesuatu dengan mengatasi kepayahan yang wujud di depan kita? Kenapa jua we make it sound as if benda ni “something new?” Kan memang inilah DEFINISI kehidupan? Jadi apa yang ada di depan sia ni adalah just a normal journey. If I freak out dengan hal2 mcm ni, memang I’m a loser before the battle is even begin. I’m alive and I’m healthy, apa lagi excuse sia nda mau take on this challenge kan?

Apa pun, I still ask myself, Do I Dare? Tapi thinking of that, memang betul2 interesting if sia just redah saja ni semua. Bila lagi kan?

Ingat tu… Dare TO Die --- But You Must Live!!

Unanswered SMS. Why?

I have this habit recently. Last Christmas, when the SMS started to come in wishing Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, I didn't feel like replying them. Strange enuff. I remember years ago being the person who was so excited composing a nice SMS so I could forward to all my friends. I remember that my intention was very good. I really wanted to wish them something nice for the special season. I remember that some of my goodfriends didn't reply. Ouch? What, they couldn't be that rude, right?

Who would have guessed that I finally become something like them. I didn't feel like replying all the SMS. Yes, I did reply, but only from 1 or 2 most closest people to me. I was trying to find the reason why I didn't feel like typing a reply just to say thanks and return them the same warm wishes. I mean, there's no way [256] could be that rude and heartless. But why I felt like I didn't do much wrong with not replying their SMS?

If you guys notice, most of the SMS people send on Christmas and New Year seasons are Forwarded SMS. Those SMS don't even have the name of the receiver or sender in it. They are simply being forwarded. I have this funny feeling that people received the SMS and thought of "sharing" it with others and simply forwarded it to all the people on the list where I happened to be in. They might be thinking that, hey why not share this, who knows they want to share it with someone else. Hahaahahahaahaha.

So, maybe because I thought so, I didn't care much about replying. Unless I know that I'm special to the people who sent me greeting, then I'll reply. I would appreciate it if the greeting to have my name as a receiver and the name of the sender. So I can feel that this SMS is meant for me. I mean, if I were right about them just forwarding the SMS without much thought, they would not care if they didn't receive a reply. Well, I know that's kinda rude. But it could make some sense. Now you see how time changes you, right? You tend to see things differently from the way you used to look at them.

But if you ask me, Yes, I am in good terms with the people even if I don't reply their SMS. Something funny happened yesterday. Who would have guessed that some people thought that I was having grudge against them for not replying? Hahaahahahahahaaha. It was among the funniest thoughts that could occur to me. If you guys know what's inside my mind, I have far more important things that are bothering my mind. I didn't have time to have, what do you call that again? A Grudge? (hehehehe) against anyone for the smallest matter. Let's say, if a customer didn't call me for months, do you think it's enough for me to feel bad about the person? Hell NO! Why should I? I have a lot of other things to think about. I don't keep myself busy why a customer doesn't call me back after so long? I mean, if A Boyfriend, yes I would be wondering why, but a customer? Since when that a customer is assigned to have that responsibility to report him/herself in? Hahaahahahahahahhaa. Funny right?

I have one customer like this. She can't handle it if I don't pick up her call or answer her SMS. The last time when she rang and I didn't pick up, it was only 1 call that I missed. And already she thought I was purposely not picking up her call. So she called using the office phone and then only I picked up. She thought that her theory was almost right because I suddenly picked up when an unknown office number appeared on the screen. Hahaahahahaha. The truth is, I didn't hear the sound of the phone ringing and I only saw the miscall record. I was too busy doing my things at the office. Did she think that all I did was sit there and look at the phone screen and let it ring when a person I dislike rang the phone? Oh come onnn!!! Hahahaahahhaa

It happened again during the New Year. She forwarded me a Merry Christmas wish, I replied it late. But still, I replied. Because I knew she always likes to make theories on whyI didn't reply. *giggles. And then, for the New Year, she SMS me on the afternoon of 1st January, which was a little too late for normal New Year greeting, but I didn't get to reply her. So a day after, which was yesterday, she came to my office without telling me first. "Ouch? Why did you inform me you are coming?" Can you guys believe that she wanted to come just to "make peace" with me? Hahahahaahahahahaha.

She did it again. After having long talks with me about the fun things, she finally handed me a box of chocolate when she was about to leave. I was funny because I knew it was about the Unanswered SMS. I forgot to tell you guys the other day when I didn't pick up her call and only picked up when she used an unknown office number, she actually came to my workplace, less than an hour and gave me pastries. I felt so funny inside. Heheheehehehehehehehehe.

I understand that she is so nice and she wants to keep good relationship with the people that she's comfortable with. She is one nice lady. But if she continues being this way, it will only do her more harm than good. If I do a study case on this, I am one example that if she thought that simply by an Unaswered call or SMS means that the person is having grudge against you, It's NOT always true.

From this, I finally understand to always take it easy on WHY sometimes people don't answer my SMS. Even my bestfriend, sometimes she only answers me a day after I sent an SMS. Sometimes she doesn't answer at all. I understand because she is very busy. I know because I finally know how it feels to be as busy as her. You open an SMS and you smile but you thought you want to reply it after you deal with something more urgent, but what happens is, you forgot to get back to the SMS. Or even a miscall.

Well, it's 2010 now. Sometimes we have to change our ways and the way we look at things to make this life less complicated. If we want to get mad because someone forgot to reply the SMS, before we know, our lives in 2010 would be full of worries, anxiety, suspicion, hard feelings and so on. I mean, at least, keep the small things small. We have better things to do. We just forgive them if they forgot, don't jump into conclusions especially when you don't do anything wrong. People will appreciate you even if you are not an angel. And that doesn't change even if they forget to answer your SMS or return your call. Maybe they are just too busy. Loosen up people. It's time for more serious matters okay? :)

Muahsss... *giggles

Last Minutes Wonders

You guys have to say farewell to this skin cos I’m going to change it to a new one for Christmas mood. You will see the skin again unless I change my mind. Hehehehe.

The other day my big bro asked me about CALENDAR. I said, “Eh, did I promise to make a calendar kah?” He said, nope I didn’t promise but he remembered my gift from last year. You guys remember the sexy brainy calendar that I put here as a gift to my blog readers? Ahaa…that one. Omigawd, my bro still remember it. Isn’t it sweet? *Lols (And why the heck was I surprised that Ulal remember the calendar packed with hot ladies? Hahahahaahahahahaha)

Okay, I’m going to make a new one. Looks like it’s going to pack with sexy ladies also – unless I change my mind. Hehehehehe. I find out that the improvement for me this year is that I take less time to do something. I don’t engage myself in long hours to produce a good work. I learn that it’s not about how long I take. It’s how accurate I do things at the time. Like I said, people don’t care how long I spend doing something. It’s the result that matters to them.

Anyway, it’s not that simple though. I have to squeeze my brain for an idea that works. I remember when I made a birthday page for my big bro for his birthday last August…I was planning to do the page for weeks, but I couldn’t come up with a point that makes my idea juices flowing. Like I have so many things and they were all not cool enough. And when the day was so near, like the next day, then I had to push myself to write that page. But surprisingly, last minute pressure has its own wonder too. Suddenly I hit all the right “note” and my fingers just danced on the keyboard and put all the pouring ideas into words. And then, I had not enough time to do a nice picture for that page, and I came to the office and start doing something with the picture and then – I came up with a nice trophy for my bro. *giggles. Oh yeah that’s a nice one I’m sure. Hahahahahaahaha.

Look…this is what I’m going to do. Since that it’s hard for my new readers to keep track to my older posts, I will make a new post with the highlights of the BEST POSTS I have made this year. So I will provide a link so you guys can just click and go to that older posts and see which are the posts that give the most affect to me. Well, you guys know that a passionate writer like me usually care more about what matters to me and then I can only hope the best that you guys like the topics that I write. Yeah, sometimes my posts are prolonged and exaggerated too much (like I mention all the not-so-important details) and it gives most of us the headache you don’t appreciate. (Hahahahahaahahahahahaha). But isn’t it great? I mean, I feel great because I practice Full Power as the owner of this blog that I can even talk to the wall and ceiling, and feel great about it. (Hahahaahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahhahaa) Ok, just kidding :PP

So wait until my next update, okay?

Note: I’m facing a problem with my “Christmas mood” this year. I have too much things bothering my mind. Actually, I pity myself because of this. I don’t even prepare anything for Christmas this year. This is a big mental challenge for me to overcome, right? *Sighs. Like it’s anything new right? Wish me luck.

“Don’t Steal My Ideas, He said”

Are you in the field that you got scared people steal your ideas? Actually, it’s not just about ideas, but also other things like machines and equipments that help you to make money.

Sia ada sorang kawan ni yang mengadu dengan sia hari tu. Since he has a photo studio, so asset dia is his camera, printer, backdrops and other things yang berkaitan dengan how to he makes his products better than competitors. Sia faham apa dia rasa bila competitors dia datang and tanya, “What printer you use?”

Just because he was freaked out that they know about his printer, dia sanggup angkut2 printer dia pulang rumah. I mean, mimang inilah yang kita buat untuk dapatkan ketenangan fikiran. Nanti kalau org tau, silap2 dorang tiru pula kan? Nanti kalau org tau dia pakai printer apa, for sure dorang pun boleh hasilkan result yg sama. Itu yang dia takut. Nasib baik printer dia tu portable. Macamana pun kalau printer dia tu besar yang perlu dua, tiga orang angkat sekali? Hehehehehee.

And then, dia cakap pasal camera dia pula. Printer dia boleh tapuk, tapi macamana dengan camera? Memang dia tidak dapat tapuk, sebab tu yang dia guna untuk ambil gambar. But then dia cakap, “I’m not worried people see my camera. Cos what they see is only my camera. They won’t know perkara2 details yang I set with my camera to produce pictures yang bagus.”

Ahaa…finally!!! That’s what I was about to tell him. Hal2 equipment ni, apa juga. Dia boleh beli benda yang sama. Tapi percaya atau tidak, belum tentu dia akan hasilkan product yang sama bagusnya. Dia buli curi idea tu, but still result tidak sama bah. Dulu sia pun pernah jadi macam dia. Sia worry mau bagitau orang apa barang yang sia guna untuk produce my work. For example, when they saw my graphics…they asked me, Eh [256], apa kau guna untuk buat ni graphics semua?” Dulu sia pun ragu2 mau bagitau. Tapi sekarang tidak lagi. Tapi sia bagitau juga. Dorang pikir sia main2, sebab sia list at least 3 software. *Lols. Ui, ketara abis la si [256] ni nda mau kastau. Hehehehe.

Actually, apa la ba juga kalau setakat mau kasitau orang apa yang kita guna untuk buat certain work. Sebab benda2 tu semua memerlukan skill. And then, dia kena ada citarasa yang ngam dengan kerja yang mau dihasilkan. And then, kerja2 yang memerlukan creativity ni bukan senang ba. Bukan u can simply main tiru2 orang.and then buat another duplicate of the work.

I went to satu computer course on a tough multimedia subject. Kami kena ajar guna satu software untuk buat animation. Semua yang dia ajar ikut tutorial ja. Macamana mau kasi gerak object A ke B. Itu ja yang dia ajar kami. How to buat the movement cantik dan kemas, itu dia tidak mampu ajar kami. Sebab ini adalah manipulation of the software only. If you know the basic of how to use the timeframe, you can buat macam2 benda. Asal you tau basic ja. I bet yang tukang ajar kami tu pun tidak la tau sangat macamana mau buat. Dia cuma ajar ikut teori saja. Then, bila kami check kerja kawan kami sorang ni, dengan teori begitu pun dia sudah mampu buat satu animation katun berjalan dengan smooth sekali. Memang mengagumkan. Imagine, satu kelas tu diajar benda yang sama, tapi bukan semua dapat buat animation. Ada yang langsung nda tau apa benda. So, if you pikir betul2, it’s the same out there. Kita punya talent, kemahiran, kecepatan minda ni tidak sama. Idea pun tidak sama. Kalau orang curi idea kita, apa kau mau risau? “Kilang” penghasilan idea tu masih bekerja dengan baik ba, iaitu otak kamu, diri kamu!

Ada orang suka menyanyi, tapi bila dia menyanyi, langsung tidak ngam tune. Padahal kalau orang tanya dia, dia dengan berapi-api cakap yang dia minat menyanyi. It’s sometimes like that. Sometimes minat kita tidak selari dengan kebolehan kita. So memang kamu akan excel dengan bagusnya kalau kamu berkebolehan dalam bidang yang kamu minat. So kalau kamu berbakat dalam bidang yg kamu minat, lagilah susah untuk orang beat kamu. Sebab bukan semua org berada field yang ngam dengan kebolehan dorang. So…berbalik kepada persoalan di atas… No need la to freak out berlebih-lebihan takut orang curi your idea, sebab perjalanan masih jauh lagi untuk meniru keja kamu. Sia yakin hasil tangan kita memang berbeza. Unless dorang ciplak your work bulat2 and tulis signature there. Even if that happens pun, benda tu semua sementara ja ba. Orang yg buli tiru kerja kita ni bukan senang mau jumpa. Itupun kalau dia teda kehidupan untuk dihidupi, then maybe dia akan ada banyak masa untuk truly imitate hasil kerja kita.

Sia teringat satu masa dulu. I did a work for an organization. It’s mostly about designs. Tapi my work is to modify the whole thing. So everything sia buat dari scratch. Teda yang sia main ambil dari kerja orang. Since that I have a little bit of skill for that, sia pun buat la. Then dorang plan mau assign someone else to do the maintenance just in case of any update or changes, but mimang I cannot commit my time for that. So dorang hired someone else to take care of that. So…sia sure dorang hire a person yg bukan alang2. But then, sia pun tekejut dorang masih datang tempat sia tanya, “[256], mana kau dapat itu material untuk your design hari tu?” Sia tepikir kejap la. Baru sia ingat, since that sia buat semua dari scratch, memang ada payah sikit kalau someone else mau modify. Tapi dorang insist juga untuk guna apa yg ada. Jadi, the next time sia tinguk tu benda kan, sia senyum geli hati bila nampak “kecacatan” yang dibuat oleh orang baru tu bila dia cuba modify my original work. But sia nampak juga kehandalan itu orang sebab I knew “he tried his best”. *Lols. Kalau tu benda bukan keja sia, maybe sia nda akan sedar. Di sana la sia terpikir something. Kerja orang lain ni, biarpun camana pun u bagus, tetap akan cacat if you tried to make it looks like yours.

And pernah juga I was concerned – if anybody use any of my work and claim sama urg yang tu kerja dorang – apa perasaan sia? Well, if orang dapat outcome yg bagus, mungkin dorang akan diminta produce something like that, but for sure, dorang tidak akan dapat buat. Maybe I still win cos even berapa banyak hasil kerja sia kana ciplak or kena curi, tapi selagi sia masih hidup, sia akan boleh produce lagi banyak benda mcm tu, dan mungkin lebih baik lagi. Tapi palis2 la if something goes wrong with blogspot and tiba2 my post yang sudah 300 lebih ni hilang. Sia rasa sia akan paning selama 1 bulan, sia akan merajuk sama ni blogspot selama 1 tahun dan sia akan mogok tidak mau blogging lagi at least 10 tahun – dan mungkin ada maju sikit tu business panadol actifast tu masa. Hahahahahahahahaha. Kidding!! Touchwood…palis2!!!!

Apa pun…kalau boleh buat sendiri, buat la sendiri. Jan buat someone else tidak tidur malam pikir periuk nasi dorang kana curi oleh orang yg mau shortcut. Nanti sia2 you punya kepala otak nda kana guna. The feeling bila u achieve something because of your own sweat…is Very different and indescribable. You should try it :)

"One Of The Girls, Please..."

Peristiwa ni betul2 menggeramkan, plus melucukan juga. Sia attend satu course at a local hotel, on a business subject. Peserta dia mostly young entrepreneurs yang otak gila2. And the Fasilitator is a Phd Holder so we called him Dr.

Entah kenapa why I think masa tu, he macam sengaja mau kenakan sia. You guys dengar ah. Macam ni ceritanya.

Kami kena kasi bagi2 dalam group. There were at least 6 groups, satu group dalam 6-7 orang. Masa ni, sia betul2 tension dengan group sia. Sebab mostly idea dorang nda boleh pakai. Suka pikir main2 and tidak begitu serious. Totally tidak satu kepala dengan sia. Sia nda suka main2 dalam course mcm tu. Apa pun, masa ni memang nyata kelemahan sia NOT being a good team player. So when sia satu group dengan org2 macam tu, sia kasi biar ja dorang dan tidak membantah langsung. If sia paksa dorang ambil idea sia, dorang tuduh sia bossy pula kan? Betul la orang cakap, si 256 ni kann…kin panass baa. Sia ingat my good guyfriend told me, “Satu perangai kau ni, kau tidak mau dengar sikit pun “idea bodoh” orang ba. At least kau dengar juga manatau buli pakai. Ini tidak, kau reject bulat2.” Okay, thanks. Betul laituuu!! Hahahahahaha :P

Sepanjang masa course 3 hari tu, kami buat quite many presentation. Dia tidak tentukan sepa yang buat presentation, but mostly group leader. Sampailah ke presentation yg terakhir pada hari ke-3. Kami group yang second last untuk present. Groups yang sudah present kebanyakannya dibuat oleh group leader. So sampai turn group sia, then our leader ni keluar lah pi depan. You know apa that Dr cakap?

“Kenapa kau ja keluar ni? Kasi orang lain pula.”

Then apa lagi, kami pun tulak2 la sesama sendiri. Sia confirm tidak mau keluar sebab groupwork kami tu tidak mewakili idea sia langsung. But entah kenapa, my instinct told me yang I was the target. Masa tu, sia rasa the Dr betul2 unfair. Dia tidak complain langsung masa group lain present. And then, one of the guys in my group, sudah ready mau ganti untuk present, you know what? Dia still tidak mau!!! Omigawdddddddd! Clearly yang this was not just about kununnya my group leader ja yang balik2 keluar. Another guy yang offer mau present pun dia reject ba!! Doiii!!

“Sia mau one of the girls yang keluar present.” Gitu ba Dr tu cakap.

Ha, masa tu, peserta lain, especially the guys yang kuat kacau tu, chanting my name ba. Padahal bukan sia kanal pun most of them. Sampai riuh itu room. Sakitnya jiwa sia masa tu. Tu Dr betul2 mau cari pasal ka apa ooo?? (/me buat muka garang versi pokemon. *Lols) Then sia cakap sama tu Dr, “So unfair oo macam ni. The other groups semua group leader yang buat. Teda kena complen pun!” Sambil sia kasi tunjuk muka nda puas ati sia versi pokemon juga. (Hahahahahahahaha)…Paduli diaa…sia geram sudah. Tu Dr selamba ja dengar sia marah2. Dia cakap…

“Ndapa. Sia dahulukan group satu lagi present dulu sementara kamu decide which girl yang mau keluar present untuk group kamu.”

See that?? Sampai gitu sekali o kan?? Dia memang mau cari pasal ba kan??? Betul ka tidak?? Hahahahahaahahahahhaa. Doiii dogooooo.

Kami jadi group yang terakhir present cos group yang satu lagi tu disuruh present awal. Still group leader dorang yang buat!!! Sepa nda panas!! Sikit pun dia nda berkira masa group lain present. So lepas ja group tu habis present, haaa…mula lagi kami surung2 tu paper. Hahahaahahaha. Ada 4 orang female dalam group sia tu. Tapi nama sia juga dorang teriak2. Sia nda suka o macam tu. Sia betul2 merajuk abis-abisan sudah tu, sebab sia rasa tu Dr cari pasal. Apa lagi my group members pun cakap, Go la baa [256]…kau ja harapan kami ni.” Then sia cakap sama my group, sia nda kisah keluar present kalau tu kerja sia punya. Mana adil dorang buat idea gila2 and then tiba2 sia pula kena present. Sia tidak akan responsible sama kerja orang lain ba. If you asked me kenapa sia tidak berkeras untuk dorang guna my idea? Sebab dorang semua mostly punya style pikir lebih kurang ja ba. I only let the majority win la.

“Sia betul2 merajuk ni oo kalau kamu paksa sia keluar”

Masa tu sia betul2 tertekan ba sebab yg lain sorak2 nama sia. Dorang pikir ini concert ka apa woo. *Lols. Terus group sia terdiam and nda paksa sia lagi sebab sia punya muka merajuk abis sudah ni baaa… Kalau sia nangis sana baru kamurang nda tau. (/me pingsan tawa). So last2, one of the girls keluar la juga…mimang ngam dia yang keluar, cos itu kerja guna idea dia. So if sia yang present idea dia, sia rasa mcm pokemon yg pakai bateri. Hahahahahahahaha. Sia nda mau look stupid depan tu dengan cakap idea2 yang bukan sia punya. So akhirnya tu Dr tidak boleh bantah sebab memang pun yg keluar tu adalah perempuan juga. Padan muka tu Dr. Hahahaahahahahahahahhahaha :PP. Memang betul2 tu Dr dianggap “tiada idung” kalau dia berani bantah tu my group member tu keluar. HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA.

Actually, ada kejadian yang berlaku sebelum tu yang menyebabkan sia rasa memang dia purposely trying to kasi kena me. Dia sudah buat hal sama sia pada hari sebelumnya. Masa sia tanya soalan sama dia masa tea break, dan dia sudah pun jawab masa tu. Suddenly lepas tea break tu, dia pegi announce “Ada kawan kamu tanya soalan yg menarik tadi.” Then sepatutnya dia carry on kasitau apa soalan sia dan jawapannya kan? Ini tidak. Sia pun tekejut dia tiba2 jalan pegi meja sia dan kasi tu microphone. Dia suruh sia ulang balik semua soalan sia tu!! Alalalaaaa…Macam dia nda puas hati ba kalau org nda dengar suara doremon sia tu. Eiiiiiiiii…Geramnya I!! (/me berabis ketawa sampai pecah cermin) Hahahahahahahaha.

After all said and done…Actually sia paham juga ba reason why dia buat gitu. Dia ada niat yang bagus ba tu. Cos sia duduk paling depan, pay attention dengan lecture dia, dan sia slalu tanya soalan2 yang buat dia cakap, “Soalan yg bagus!” So I think dia rasa sia terlampau banyak idea ba tu, so sayang pula kalau nda kasi chance sia keluar and share. Then jadilah hal2 macam tu pula. Hehehehe. Tapi quite memalukan sia ba tu. Sampaikan sia balik bilik dengan muka merajuk dan marah2.

Kesimpulan cerita ini adalah: Perangai kebudak-budakan kita ni rupanya tidak hilang. Cuma betapuk ja. Hehehehehe. Sekian terima kasih.

/me capat2 lari packing barang sebelum kana umban sesuatu (Hahahahaahahahahhahahahahahahahahahaha)

Memory Disturbance?

I sms-ed my cousin in panic. Tiba2 I teringat about one work yang I delayed. I totally forgot about the details of the work. Omigawddd~!! I felt so bad towards my cousin masa tu, cos the work was brought in by her. Then I sms-ed her, Do you still have the details of the work? I LOST THEM ALL!! My cousin ni yang maybe sedang dalam kelas, sms me back. “Sia pun lupa ohh.” Alalaalalalalalaa… Parah ni!!!

Then I was afraid my cousin would think that I’m inefficient, so I sms-ed her back. “Nanti sia try find the paper la. Hopefully masih ada sini.” Hopefully it would make her feel good. Then not long after that, she sms-ed to me… “As long as I remember, semua sudah siap. Tiada lagi yang kena delay.” Then terbesar mata sia kejap. “AIKS??”

Daripada satu kekusutan yang baru mula mengambil tempat dalam kepala otak sia ni, suddenly satu kejutan. Rupanya memang betul kerja2 tu semua sudah sia kasi siap long before. Satu rasa kelegaan yang tidak boleh digambarkan. Tapi why my head felt so heavy as if banyak benda yang sia belum siap??

Sudah berapa lama sia torture kepala otak sia ni? Looks like some of the burden are only virtual and not real at all. Dalam pada sia cuba meet expectation diri sendiri, sepa sangka yang sebahagian bebanan dalam kepala sia ni sebenarnya “isn’t there at all”. Ouch?!

Then it made me think that actually sia ni terlampau underestimate my own efficiency. Maybe because I am quite perfectionist. But not too much la. Luckily, my customers mostly LESS perfectionist than me, jadi dorang boleh tolerate with a little bit defects here and there. But kadang2 my work memang teruk juga. Anyway, ada my loyal customers yang rely on me because they know I am perfectionist. Dorang tau sia sanggup dera diri sia sendiri untuk produce something, dan tidak buat something sambil lewa saja – they know I always put too hard on myself. They just let me get drown in my own expectation when they just tap from the good outcome.

Haiyaa…I don’t know laa…yang penting sekarang I want to finish my kerja first. Harap2 teda lagi jadi macam hal kemarin tu. Totally a redundant memory disturbance or what? Hehehehehehe. Woww…overload ka kepala sia ni ah? Not really ba kan? Hehehehehehe.

I still remember baru2 tu, my phone rang. I saw the name keluar di skrin. For example, the name comes out is Suzana. You guys know apa sia buat? Sia tengok ja tu skrin and biar tu phone ring sementara sia juggle my mind, “Suzana mana satu lagi ni ahh?” Then terus berbaris tu nama orang2 yang sia kenal yang bernama Suzana. Ada yang Suzana yang sia kena daripada short course. Ada Suzana yang sia kenal dari sekolah rendah. And then siap teringat lagi Suzana dalam lirik lagu tu ba. Alalaalalalalalala… Mana satu punya Suzana niii???? (/me pingsan ketawa) Then dia call again, sia tekan ja and kept quiet sebab sia masih juggling my memory. Takut2 silap orang ba. Dia cakap, “Hello, 256 ka ni?” Then I said, “Emmmm…Yes.” (Tapi sangat2 pelan sebab sia mau delay that conversation sampai la sia ingat or cam suara dia. Suara dia pun sia nda cam ba!! Adoii!! “Suzana ba niii” dia cakap. Dalam hati sia cakap, “Yeah I know you’re Suzana cos my phone has your name. The question is, Suzana MANA SATU!!!!???” (Hahahaahahahahahahaha) Then dia start cakap tujuan dia call sia, but sia terpaksa juga stop dia. “Wait wait…emmm…Suzana mana satu ni ahh?” Alaalalalaalala….jatuh my waterface. Palupa punya 256…Satu kali dia kastau sia the last time dia visit my workplace, baru laaa sia ingat. Patutlaaaa… Nama dia ni bukan pun Suzana baa. Nama dia sangat jauh daripada Suzana, tapi sia ingat tu dia cakap, semua orang panggil dia Suzana termasuk family dia so jarang2 dia pakai nama betul. So dia suruh sia tulis Suzana dalam phone sia tu. Hehehehehehehe. Aiks, macam ni pun adakah?

Let me make some memory test. “256, what’s your real name?” “When is your birthdate?” “What is your gender?” Hahahaahahahahahahahahahahaha. Okay! Luckily I still remember all those things. Hehehehehe. Ntah laaa…sia pun nyaris lupa nama sia ni. Sia cuma ingat sia ni si Twofivesix[256] jaa….Abis laaa guyssss…nama sendiri pun sampai telupa niii. Hahahaahahahahahahahahahaha.

Kiddingggg :PPPPPPPPP

Muahsss everyone. Happy Saturday.

Be The Person Of Your Word

Morning everyone. Pagi2 lagi sudah berceloteh. Hehehehe. I want to sembang2 with you guys before I start my work today. This is about “Keeping your word”, iaitu tepati janji. Or tidak semestinya janji. At least when you say something, it’s virtuous to keep your word. In other words, Cakap serupa bikin.

Actually, I always claim that I take promises seriously tapi setakat claim saja pun teda guna. Sia sedar kelemahan diri sia sendiri especially when I deal with my customers. I tend to say OK sama semua benda. I said I could finish it at certain date, tapi bila that date sampai, actually sia belum siap pun. And I simply said, Ala, sorry. Belum siap lagi. I feel bad actually. Pada mulanya sia selalu cari excuse bahawa sia tidak patut dipersalahkan sebab sia ada reason why sia delay those works. Sia selalu refuse to care if my customers tersinggung atau tidak dengan sikap sia tu yang tidak menepati kata. Suddenly I felt tired of finding excuses. Sia start sedar yang my perangai yg suka delay kerja, suka melambatkan-lambatkan kerja – actually ini bukan hanya menyakitkan hati customer sia, tapi membawa banyak kerugian kepada diri sia sendiri. So it’s a lesson to learn. Sia tidak boleh bagi alasan yang sia terlampau sibuk. Sibuk pasal apa lagi kan? Mestipun sibuk pasal customer. But then sama juga my customers aren’t too happy. Jadi, apa lagi yang sia boleh buat dengan baik kalau kerja sia pun sia perform macam tu saja? Memang teruk.:P

Then sia try to analyze myself pula dari segi di luar bidang kerja. In my social life – adakah I’m a person of my word? Sia selalu pikir yang sia ni among those yang confirm boleh percaya punya. You can tell me all your secrets and I won’t leak. In other words, memang sia adalah orang yang boleh harap. Kunun-kununnya la kan. Hehehehehe. Tapi actually…sedar nda sedar, still I suck juga dalam hal ni. Ada masa yang sia akan ketepikan hal tu and share with someone else about it. Macamana pun, I think that it’s not right to begin with. Kadang2 sia terlupa juga bahawa sia tidak mau ada 2 pihak bergaduh gara2 I leak something that I shouldn’t. Kadang2 sia terlupa bahawa sia kena pikirkan orang lain yg terjejas kalau sia cakap something yang sia tidak patut cakap. Mungkin apa yang sia sudah terbuat tanpa sengaja tu tidaklah teruk sangat, tapi it’s a bad start. Sia tidak mau jadi macam orang2 yang tidak boleh dipercayai. Bagus juga la sia sedar sebelum sia memasukkan diri sia dalam kategori itu tanpa sia sedar. Sia tidak mau jadi just another person who doesn’t walk the talk.

Dalam kesibukan hidup ni, yang kadang2 di luar kawalan kita, memang inilah benda2 yang kita boleh buat. Sedar nda sedar, kita sudah tersasar dari tabiat yang mengamalkan nilai2 murni tu. Hehehe. So today sia berazam untuk mend my ways and hari ni sia akan force myself buat semua kerja2 yg sia delay. Tiada yang lebih baik daripada memulakan satu hasrat murni through making my customers happy first. Sia mau tinguk if kalau sia atasi kelemahan sia ni, berapa kali ganda keuntungan yang sia boleh dapat. Sebab one thing for sure, sia ni terlalu berlembut dengan diri sia sendiri. Now, the challenge is I must finish all the works, so that the new batch of work boleh take over. Kalau tidak, sampai bila2 la sia stuck with kerja2 ni semua. Silly kan?

And one more thing, I will watch my words more carefully now. I must only say apa yang sia mampu tepati. Kalau tidak, bagus cakap terus terang. Sia tidak mau buat orang berharap. Sia rasa sia sudah puas buat benda tu selama ni. Kalau masih nda serik2, bagus sia pi terjun laut la kan guys? *Lols.

Challenge yourself today. If you say you want to meet a friend at 5 PM, you MUST be there at 5 PM. I tell you, bukan senang u mau dapat kepercayaan your friend once you’ve lost it. Banyak benda yang u akan rugi. Not to mention dalam hal kerja u. We tidak sedar yang orang sengaja mau uji kita if kita ni jenis orang yg tepati janji atau tidak. Apa pun, teda kerugian pun if we be the person of our word. Walaupun kerja u bagus, tapi your words tidak boleh pakai, u boleh lose a job tau. Your customer mungkin lari kepada your competitor yang tidaklah sebagus mana. Tapi at least words yang keluar dari mulut dorang tu adalah words yang boleh percaya. Nah…u want ka like that?

My answer is, I don’t want to be like that. So that’s why sia insaf sudah start hari ni.*Lols See what I can do today. Sia mesti siapkan semua kerja tertangguh hari ni walaupun sia terpaksa stay up sampai pagi? (Boleh pecaya ka tu ahh? Erkssss…!!!) Hahahahahahahahaha. Let’s do our best to keep our word to others. That's today's challenge okay. *giggles.

Does It Need To Be Sincere?

I have this funny feeling earlier today. This customer of mine was showing a lot of interest to do me a favour. She wanted to do free marketing for me, in line with her next special event. I mean, considering that she has her own stuff to take care of, I couldn’t help but be skeptical about her idea. I mean, what is it all about actually? What could she gain from this?

While I was continuing my work, my fingers were moving fast, but my mind was even faster. I was trying to find the reason WHY she has that in mind, and how could this possibly benefit her? Actually, I could save my time thinking, IF I can just assume that maybe SHE’S JUST BEING SINCERE. I recall that my relationship with her is more than just business. She has shared with me even her private life. I mean, this could easily be the reason why she wants to help out without gaining anything.

This crazy mind of mine still refuse to accept this as pure SINCERITY. I thought that human beings can be nice, but they are never too nice without hidden agenda. I don’t know. I’m worried a bit because I am actually still naïve. I don’t know much about this life and the evil things people can do. I’m still learning. I hate how my mind is polluted with the bad things going around me. I hate to refuse believing that pure good things still exist.

I mean, EVEN IF…Yes, she has a hidden agenda, but it’s clear that I am going to benefit from this, anyway. I can just tap from this opportunity and gain as much as I can, without making it difficult. I can just rest my mind and go with the flow. Hey, she’s trying to help me, why the fuss? Even if she has her own agenda, So What? It doesn’t mean that she has to bring me down in order to gain something from helping me. I mean, Helping Me!? Sounds like I have A LOT to gain. Suddenly I’m wondering why I start this topic in the first place. Isn’t it silly?

At the end of the day, if everyone gains something, Does it matter if this is sincere or not? Try this. What if people are being sincere all the way, but everybody gets nothing but just the soft nice feeling of appreciation that, “Yeah, she’s sincere. How noble.” So why does I make it sound like a “world issue” whether or not she’s sincere about helping me?

I don’t know. And I don’t want to think more about this. This is messing with my brain. Maybe I can choose to be silent and just enjoy the show. I only need to know my steps, if I have a hunch that something is going wrong, then I do something to not get dragged too far in it. Other than that, maybe I don’t have to care that much, whether or not people are sincere towards me. Maybe it doesn’t matter if it’s sincere or not. Cos one thing for sure, people will only do something if it brings something good to them.

But, whether or not it’s sincere…ERKS…

Suddenly I notice that Sincere Or Not --- is not even a right question to ask.

Note: LesS Is More --- Think Less, Gain More. Keep it Simple. End of story.