Sunday, August 29, 2010

The Tale Of Two Sisters

We were like inseparable. I remember when we were small, we were so close. We went everywhere together. We slept beside each other and sometimes we even wore the same kind of dress, just with different colours. That was how we were back then. My parents’ way of treating us made us even close. They used the concept that we should never leave the other one behind.

I remember that my sister was so adorable when she was a kid. She used to get so many compliments while I just stood watching she got flattered by people. I remember that she was a very hyper kid too. And also very bright. I remember being in the same class with her for Sunday school, and guess what, she was the teacher’s pet. She scored the best in the class. Ouch, was that my sister? *giggles. So you know that I was not getting any attention near my sister. She was always the winner in everything.

When we started schooling, my sister got to register with the school of my parents’ choice but I didn’t. The school was full when it was my turn to enroll. I was forced to go to a newer school, not even in the list. My sister was still so bright in what she did. I didn’t realize that I always looked up to her as my benchmark. I never be a competitive sister who wanted to beat my sister in anything. I just accepted the fact that she was just good, likable and positive – UNLIKE me. :)

As we grew bigger, I started to feel the changes of attention. At one point, I thought that my sister started to lose all the attention. I started getting the kind of attention that she used to get. My aunts started commenting about me instead of my sister. I remember at once occasion, they were surprised to see me after a long time and started to flatter me and left my sister behind. “Eh your sister is skinny la. Macam kau baru la seksi” or when they saw me smiling, “Wah you got nice teeth o kan.” It made me wonder, Ouch, so it was my turn now?

Maybe it was not about me. Maybe it was about my sister who was gradually slowing down from getting under the limelight. She started to show changes in attitudes and others when she was in secondary school. She often talked about problems with teachers when she said this certain teacher was always trying to make her life hard. I didn’t really know what happened to my dear sister because I was sent away from home for my secondary school. I was not there to see how it all started to change. What I knew was the next time I came home, my sister had changed into a different individual. She was NOT who she used to be. She preferred to be alone and not mix with people as much as she did. She talked so little and prefer to mind her own business. I also developed to be someone else after being away from home most of the time for 5 years. When I finally moved back home, I almost forgot about how close we used to be. I almost forgot that I was the ugly duckling, she was the princess. I almost forgot that she was the smarter one and she was the likable one. I also forgot that I was always tailing my sister and I could not trust myself do or go anywhere if my sister was not around. Yes, I actually forgot all that for a while because of the different personalities that we have developed to be.

During college year, I bumped into her old friend, her bestfriend back in secondary school. We talked a bit and to my surprise, she mentioned to me, “Your sister has changed a great deal. She was not like before.” I was like, “Omg, so you notice that too??” She answered, “Of course I do. Before this, her attitude is LIKE YOU now.” My oh my. She was right. We used to be 2 hyper sisters. We resembled each other except for, She was brighter in everything else I wasn’t.

I also remember at this one occasion. A senior who knew my sister much earlier than she knew me said something to me. “The first time I saw you, I was a bit shocked to see the difference. At one glance I know that you are a person who has a vision.” I remember that line because these people made me realize how different we were from one another. I remember feeling uneasy. If you think I enjoyed being compared to my sister, NO I didn’t. To me, I was used to being behind my sister. It was okay to me if she got all the compliments. But it was different now. At one point, I hoped I could tell the world how my sister used to be. Anything that they could see in me, my sister was once the champion.

Now we are both grown-ups. We have our own career. I’m so happy that my sister gets so much grace from above. Although she was out of the limelight, but she has been doing things for others that made her “the more familiar sister” to most of my relatives. I was the “lost sister” who was seldom there during get-togethers. I’m sure, even in the present, my sister still wins all the credit.

Today, I am sitting here typing all this right now – I can feel that GOD is making it all back to how it used to be. I saw my sister’s changes lately. I saw that she started to get back into the track of how she used to be. I WANT to see my sister like before. I know she used to be a bright kid, and she has a very good life now, but I just want to see her back to her original self. I want to see her as hyper as I am and even if this means I am going to be at number 2 again. I don’t mind. My sister has done a lot of sacrifices for me and the rest of the family. She has a big heart. I know God acknowledged it too and that’s why my sister always has a way to get what she wants. I just want her to be at her maximum personality – Just be that “kid” once again. Be my better sister. I don’t mind if she wins the attention again. I don’t mind losing to my own only sister. I have myself to win my own battle. I have everything else in my life to be victorious. But in this part, she still deserves the number 1 spot. :)

This makes me smile. God and His mysterious ways at work again. Soon, I want us to sit together once again and experience the same feeling that we used to have. Two very close sisters who don’t compete with each other, who support and wish the best for each other and eventually both achieve their own dreams.

This is the BEST outcome I have for the Tale of Two Sisters. Hope we are going there. I KNOW we are heading there :)


Yes, As Egoistic As That

Are you guys familiar with the word EGO? In Google dictionary, I pick the meaning “An overly high opinion of oneself” cos this is the closest to the meaning that we always have in mind when we associate with this word. The question is always Low or High Ego. The problem always arises when one ego is said to be High. So how can I put it in the simplest language? Let me try. Someone with High Ego or Egoistic person related to the person’s approach of keeping things to oneself, Not saying what he feels, Not showing emotions or anything that make people read or see what’s the person’s thinking or feeling. It’s like the Egoistic person uses the high Ego to camouflage the true emotions so that one can appear less affected by something so one can be seen as one strong individual. Erks. I hope I get that right. *giggles.

Ok, lets go to the real purpose of this post. It knocked my senses when I watched clips that my Fb friends shared. I watched a few animations about How the person holds back her feelings not telling the guy that she also likes him and ended up losing him. I mean, what did the clips have anything to do with me to give a kind of impact to my senses? I mean, why the heck the clips made me ask myself,

“Am I an egoistic person?”

Whatever the answer is, I know myself. Years ago I’m sure nobody would associate the word Ego with me. Cos I have 2 humble parents who brought us up the best way possible for us to become “real human” who have the basic good attitudes. What do you think I would feel when someday, someone asked me “Don’t you think you are egoistic?” I’m sure nobody would ask if I showed no potential at all. In this case, the ego I was related to was about my attitudes in handling my encounters with people and not because of my achievements or anything like that. Why I thought that they do have a point? I remember dealing with this one guyfriend who even admits his high ego, but even this guy could not beat me in that arena. I remember we had a little misunderstanding and led into arguments. Gosh. For an egoistic rich braggart like him, it took him less than a week to come back to me and say sorry. I almost refused until he said something so terrible like “256 You’re a bad person if you don’t forgive others!!” Hahahaha. After that experience, he told me, “Oh my, it’s dangerous to argue with you. You won’t take back anything. It’s totally WAR all the way.” Of course I laughed. I never took it seriously . I thought that Nahh, there’s no where. He must be kidding. Not long after that, he teased me with another joke that I thought has something to do with my dignity and pride. I didn’t believe that he didn’t learn his lesson. This time I really declared WAR with him by stopping all kinds of contacts with him. He tried to play it my way but he still failed. I remember that he did many things to get my attention back but HE FAILED pathetically. Hahahahahaha. Omigawd. Is that Ego that I’m wearing on my forehead? *Lols. What am I now? A robotic 256 who is made of wires and steel? My oh my.

So I claimed this is something new right? Then what about back in college when I didn’t talk to a girl friend for more than a year after she jokingly accused me of something and then said sorry repeatedly till it pissed me off? What about much earlier than that back in secondary school when my friends had to send me orange filled with funny words just to say sorry to me and what about the friend who had to give me pictures of my favourite artists before she could talk again to me? Omigawd! Is that Egoistic? How come I didn’t notice much earlier than this?

Luckily I am watching my steps now. I DON’T WANT to be like that in the parts where I should show emotions but I don’t. Maybe I put too much shield to protect myself from getting improper treatment by others. Maybe I never pretend to be stronger just for people to see, but I do this for myself cos I know if I don’t force myself to be strong, I’m as weak as can be. I have had people stepped on my back, made a fool of myself and even disrespected me – when I was doing it the original way I was taught at home. I was taught to be humble and nice and always respect people. That was what I got. I think that Ego gives me strength against negative elements from other people. But I think I might go overboard sometimes. I must mend my ways.

I don’t want this ego to stop me from telling my loved ones that I do care for them, I do need them and I do love them. I want to say sorry if I fail to show my emotions when actually I am suffering pain inside. I’m sorry that I fail to show that I’m hurt so deeply when it matters to some people to indicate that they do mean something to me. I hope that you guys won’t wait and rely on my sweet words to judge what I feel. If I don’t say what u guys want to hear, don’t make conclusions that I don’t have feelings. If “Actions speak louder than words” can apply on this, I would like you to refer to that cos I can’t fake how I treat you. If you are special, you will know. Just use the heart of your eyes to see this. I will work on this Ego, promise :)

NOTE: You should too. Imagine how much we are losing just because of our ego. Stop losing more than this. :)

Friday, August 27, 2010

Honeymoon OverExposed.

There is this one couple in my other Fb. I know the guy. I see that he has a far better life now. He’s a teacher and he has a beautiful girlfriend. The girl is also very active with Fb. Everyday you could see her writing something for people to read. I could tell that she’s not just pretty but nice too. I felt delighted to see my friend has a good life.

The thing about them and Fb, I think they are a bit too overexposed. When they first got into my Fb, they were still lovers. You could tell how much in love they were that time. The girl always wrote something sweet telling people how much she loved her “hubby”. Even the word “hubby” was still premature because they were not yet married. Well, it’s not wrong to use it but I rather not use it in public excessively. Not to put it negatively, but I think I’m just being rational. “Anything could go wrong”. I think it’s not wrong to make your personal expression of love go public but everything overdone is always not good. Especially when the Fb is surrounded by people from their relatives, friends and even colleagues at work. When your personal life goes public, people would be talking about it everywhere whenever they have the chance. Even at the shop, the work and even at home. Well, there’s a possibility right? Especially when the guy is a teacher, even his students are following the teacher’s private life. Uh-Oh!

Then they got engaged in a short period of time. All the pics of the engagement were put there. It was sweet that they share their moments. Added with day to day words of Love – they became so readable. They would tell if they gonna have dinner together, what they ate for dinner and how much they loved each other. It reminded me back in schooldays when I was drown in emotions of puppy love. I told people, I told everyone. I loved seeing that look in their face. Maybe they felt jealous or “oh gosh she’s lucky”. Something like that. Maybe because I knew how it felt, I learnt my lesson that I thought that it wasn’t so wise to make people know Everything especially when I finally broke up with the guy I used to call my prince charming. I wished I had never told anyone cos the ending was so embarrassing!

In the Fb alone, I could find so many pics of them together. Their vacation to Bali together with their other relatives, almost looked like they had an advance honeymoon. They were in love. What’s wrong with that, right? I kept quiet about my awkward feeling that this couple is actually overexposed. But hey, if it’s for a good reason, trust me I felt happy too.

Then finally the wedding day at the end of July. Now of course everyone expected MORE and more from them. Even before the wedding, we saw the Pre-wedding picture shots taken at a local wedding studio. What they showed people was “hey we could afford the best photography service in town.” I know the guy has been working for years. He must have all the budget ready to meet his expectation for Wedding of the year. I felt such a delight watching this couple. But I still think they were A BIT overexposed. Erks. Okay, maybe not.

So after the wedding day, the pics at the church were published. Not enough with their own, friends and family who took pics also tagged them with their own version of amateur snaps. I don’t know why I lost the thrill of seeing them finally in the wedding ceremony. The pics were good but I felt like watching “just another pics” when wedding supposed to be seen as something extra special. Suddenly I didn’t see the “shine” in their face. Wedding attires look like another dress. I could even say that some of the previous pics looked so much better than that. Suddenly the makeups looked so light and normal. Could it be because they were a bit too overexposed? It didn’t sound fair, right?

Looking at the pics after the wedding blessing, they even had friends and family who got into the bedroom and took their pictures with “intimate” poses. Maybe they suddenly had a taste of how it was to become a celebrity couple whose private life people want to know. They got too excited to share what more they have! They would love to show and share with the world two people madly in love just got married. And married luxuriously too; with the bedroom decorated expensively, as if they made it all ready for it to go out in public too. Well, these were assumptions. But they were not baseless, don’t you think?

“There are times when it’s gonna rain”. Married people know better. When you hear them say that the first 1 year was the honeymoon year out 10 years marriage. You think that’s short? Maybe you have not heard enough. This couple whose romance life went public in Facebook had it LESS than that. Do you believe me? Less than 2 weeks, finally the girl wrote something “harsh” in her status asking people’s opinion about “Can a broken heart go back to normal?” It was a shock to the entire community who associates with both of them in Fb (with friendlist above 1000 people) when a newly-wedded bride finally post something that is far from “love note”. When I read the comments, these people knew something was wrong with them. Then the guy also wrote something on his own status wall that looks like a prayer about asking for God’s guidance to help him through to become a good husband although the going may get tough. Oh man. This “just married” couple goes into the “mud” a bit too early, right?

I know when you read this post, u might throw strange stares at me. 256, how could you be so busybody about their life? And why it sounds like you are evaluating them? Just let them be la ba!! Erks.. so does that sound like what you have in mind? It’s just my extra Fb account, guys. I don’t use that account to comment or say anything. I just read what people write. What they put in their Fb is their own will. What they write is their own will. When you say something nice, I will feel good. When you say something bad, I will feel bad. When you share pics, I will look and say oh this and that pics look good. This is what happens when you are able to read, hear and see. You will have opinions. Moreover, I know the guy. We sat at the same table for lunch for many times years ago. I have right to give views. Knowing that I am still sane and rational, you bet I have reasons when I say they put their own love life under the limelight. At certain level, man it was freaking sweet. Anybody would envy them. But they kept doing it more and more and more. It becomes excessive. I’m not sure if the guy would be okay to hear one of his student raise hands during class and ask, “Sir, sir sama wife sir gaduh oh semalam kan? Sudah berbaik ka hari ni?” You get my point now?

What happened with the couple after the little argument that got many feedbacks, they tried to do damage control when they realized that they put TOO MANY THINGS in public. They started to feel embarrassed when they could be soo crazy in love for months, and it wasn’t even 2 weeks after marriage they finally had a big argument. I mean, wow… they could have waited a little longer, don’t you think? Erks!

I did not say it’s abnormal. I did not say they didn’t play their part good as married partners. Hell No. Some had it worse, I’m sure. But at least it could remain secret between the couples and they worked it out and settled matters without the WORLD taking part. This is private. This is intimate. You pick which to share and save some for the two of you. The celebrities would kick punch the paparazzis just to run away from limelight. They know it better HOW important privacy is especially when it comes to their romance life.

This is a lesson for everyone out there. In this Fb era, you can appear smart and dumb in a click time. You don’t have to air your dirty linen in public cos NOBODY expects you to UNLESS you make them expect so. So what you share in Fb might affect your life. Yes, Facebook is that influential. If it can make some people go on national tv or even got sued for writing the wrong things, you can anytime put yourself in the list. Now guys… people have done a little mistake. You don’t want to repeat it, do you.

Let’s all take a lesson from this. Make Fb work well for you. The choice is YOURS!!

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Better Left Unsaid

We hear it everywhere that communication is vital. We know that it’s because of communication breakdown that people argue. Arguments that are caused by this can even lead to the breakup and wreckage. Who would deny the importance of communication between 2 people, right? It’s because of communication failure that we often misunderstand. Misunderstanding leads to bigger thing. Still, everything will be going towards destruction. So that we know communication is important, can we handle it from there?

I remember saying the same thing to many of my friends and my customers who come to me for views regarding their problems. I remember listening to each of them and decided that yes, it’s communication again. I emphasized to them to SAY IT, let their partner KNOW!! And guess what? It often worked wonders. From my counseling alone, at least I know a few of them who managed to worked out their problems by mending their communication just by SPEAKING it out and LISTENING to what their partner has to say. Little did I know that all this is ONLY EASY to say yet SO TOUGH to do. NOW I KNOW why this problem is EVERYWHERE and trust me if the solution is that simple, I wouldn’t be the first one who discover and implement it!! I mean, 100% sure on that!! What makes me think that if the solution is so easy, people are keep failing it and still trying to figure out what is the meaning of workable communication? Ouch!!

NOW I KNOW. What makes communication so hard is NOT because people don’t know that they should speak up. Not that they don’t know what to speak about. Not that people don’t give chance to the other to speak and they listen. No No. Everyone knows about all those already. What not everyone knows is that – an effective communication that you learn from books might not be taking into account your own unique circumstances which then create the issue that contribute to communication breakdown.

You know there’s a problem but you don’t want to say it. It’s not as simple as “not wanting to hurt the partner” by being frank but this is about trying to protect yourself too. I’m sure in every relationship there are issues or topics that are best not discussed. Both know that something is not right and they couldn’t force themselves to speak or ask openly because to them it might bring another version of bad atmosphere that would destroy the last remaining pieces in their relationship. They both rather keep quiet and never discuss about it and just resort to , “let time tell,” or “let it unfold in God’s mysterious plan.” Now I know how it feels. Now I know.

So couples who have the same fate know what I’m talking about. They hide if behind every hugs and kisses. They know there’s something wrong but “Shsss…it’s better left unsaid.” Whatever it is, I have something to add. My point is very simple. I keep saying this thing from my previous posts. A Relationship that works is when both people want the relationship with each other in it and they are working for the same destiny. IF you two pass this criteria, I bet you guys can still make it even if you have Taboo issues that better left unsaid. These things are only there to give you the storms and winding roads so you have something to fight against to keep the relationship alive. Something worthy like that needs obstacles so you know the value and hey, it’s time to use your wisdom and strength.

So if you have things that are better left unsaid - maybe you can put a little room for them cos there are times when you wish that you don't know too much about things cos sometimes when you know too much, you have more questions, more doubts and more suspicions. Maybe certain things aren't meant to be complicated. So for this, just leave a leeway for some issues to be kept silent. Just concentrate on the battle at hand.

Stay strong together :)

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Losing What's Lost

What do you feel when suddenly you lose the drive of doing something just because something that has always been there for you, is missing? The thing is, when it was there all the time, you thought that you did everything for your own favour. You thought that this has nothing to do with others. This is about you and what you want to do in your life. But you find out the funny way that something that you thought was less important, was actually your motivator all along. Which one do you choose, Absence makes the heart grow fonder or You only realize how meaningful something is after you lose it? Choose either but to me, this is finally a realization I don’t want to miss. Whether you become that person that is losing or that something that lost by someone. Without this, we might be a step backward in the wisdom of Appreciating every single thing that we have and make sure you won’t feel the same way again next time. You won’t be that hasty again. You won’t be that ignorant again. You won’t be that negligent again.

Gosh… Life is so not making it simple for us, right? *giggles.

So is life gonna just sit there and watch me solve this puzzle? :) Be my guest.

Not Humble Enough

Believe it or not, half of the load in our mind actually comes from our selfishness? Whoa, where did I get this? I just thought of this and I thought it hit home. Really. 

There’s always this bossy mind inside our head that we deserve this and that and the inability of others to comply to that makes us go defensive and make people’s lives harder. If I say that we often do this on purpose, what do you say?

I thought about this while I was handling a major dissatisfaction inside my heart. This caused my heart to ache pretty badly. Then I started looking for an answer – Why does it have to be this way? Why don’t I just cool down and give people their space. They have their own reason too why they have to be this or that, or be there at certain place and act in certain way – they have their freaking reasons and this might not have anything to do with me and my pride or whatever that’s generated from me. 

It’s because we thought we DESERVE something better than what we get, we tend to FIGHT the energy around us and it leaves us feeling grumpy, unsatisfied, angry, restless and Hurt. Gosh…don’t you guys realize that?

What do you think when you find out that YOU ARE the cause of your emotional burden? What will you do when you know that all your need to do is TWIST it back to how it should be and RELEASE yourself from this heaviness that keeps your heart aching?

Gosh people. It’s that easy. Imagine that. Do we pick our selfishness and present ourselves to pain or do we pick to be a bit humble and be our good selves again. I’m sure you guys miss it as much as I do.

I don’t believe that I choose to be stupid to pay a low price to get my senses back. Yes I’m right. I pick to be humble. :) I bet you would. Too. :)

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Only Destiny...

It takes only a written DESTINY by God to change this. From my end, only miracle can turn this around. I will only listen to God at this point. If He doesn't change the way I feel about this, I take that as a sign that this is what He wants for me. We’ll see :)

If I’m Not This Strong…

If I’m not this strong Anything could have just made me burst in tears. Just like how I was before.

If I’m not this strong, How can I keep walking, When my heart is aching.

If I’m not this strong, How can I overcome, Every obstacle that comes my way.

If I’m not this strong, How can I ever help anyone, Who is weaker than I am.

If I’m not this strong, How can I inspire, Those who don’t have this strength.

If I’m not this strong, How can I even be here today, Making the others believe, That they can be that strong too. :)

Just like this strength, anything good comes from God. Anything bad comes from my own weakness. :)

A Rebound Love – Is that Possible?

I have mentioned this guy quite many times in this blog alone. I always refer him as the man who almost has no flaws in my bare eyes, but I still failed to love him.

He’s the same guy who has my name as his first love. I’m not sure if he’s mine.

He’s the same guy who I thought forced love into my life far before I was ready.

He’s the same guy who I accepted as my boyfriend just because I didn’t want to hurt him.

He’s the same guy who had been a very thoughtful boyfriend to me all the years.

He’s the same guy who broke up with me out of nowhere because he could not stand jealousy just to come back to me 2 weeks after that and the rest was history.

He’s the same guy who gave me a diamond ring and assumed I said yes to his proposal when he saw me wearing that ring.

He’s the same guy who burnt all my stuff and pictures when we finally parted ways and thought it was the most hurting thing he had in his life.
He’s the same guy that I found after a few years later who dated a new girl who has my resemblance. 

Yes, he’s the guy. And he’s also the same guy who dropped me a note on my birthday less than a month ago and talked as if we have never broken up.
The most shocking thing that I learnt earlier today is, this same guy told me he has broken up with his new girlfriend and he wanted to be with me Once Again. I was like, What?? You can’t be serious. 

After everything, this rebound is unthinkable. I’m definitely a different person and I am not so sure about him. If I could not love him that much when he was my boyfriend, I don’t know if that’s possible to try to love him again now that I have become tougher than how I used to be.
This rebound is almost ridiculous. And selfish too. 

He never even asks if I already have someone in my life. 

All I have in mind now is to return the ring. 

So the answer to the topic, gosh I am not sure if I have answered it in this post. 

Go figure. :)

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Bravo! He’s Not Jealous!

Jealousy is irritating if you are the object of jealousy. But if you are the subject who feels the jealousy, it can kill you softly if you entertain to your thoughts and jealousy assumptions. So…do we need jealousy around? Or can we just vote out so that there’ll be No Jealousy in this world? Erks… ok, maybe that’s impossible. But WHAT IF you can eliminate Jealousy, do you want to?

I am not so sure. I’m been both the object and subject of jealousy and I know how it feels. To me, it’s never calm when Jealousy knocks your door. It’s never the same moment as before you let it in. It’s because of jealousy, couples argue and end up in tears. Sometimes it’s too much jealousy that make them broke up. In a question of relationship, Jealousy is A BIG matter. It can be a Break or Make factor in your relationship. Ouch? Break factor, I can understand. But Make factor? How’s that? In case that’s the question you have in mind.

With incidents of jealous partners you can hear everywhere, what about your partner? Is he/she jealous or not? It becomes awkward to hear anybody say No. I mean, after everything that Jealousy did to us, why is it feel so awkward having a relationship without it? I have this one senior friend who has a story to tell. She’s married for 10 years already. They have no kids but adapt a relative to be their only child. She told me her husband is NEVER JEALOUS. Or maybe he’s just good at keeping it to himself. He trusts her to go and do anything she wants. He never questions her. Even when she went out with someguyfriends, she let him know without hearing back objection or protest. That’s her husband. I remember hanging out with this friend for half a day talking about many stuff. She told me “She’s lucky” that she has a husband like that. She feels that she can get her freedom not most married women have. At one point, she feels like This Feels So Right when jealousy in not in the picture. I remember that time I was also close to a guy who was not the jealous type. Anybody in his position would have the right to feel jealous but this guy proved to be among the little group of guys who don’t get jealous easily. Yeah, I did feel awkward.

Back to my friend. Recently we talked again. Her situation is getting funnier. She starts to hangout with someone else’s husband who is also into her. Maybe because she’s so free, she thought that the freedom is TOO MUCH than she can handle. She realizes that at one point, she got a bit out of control. She realized that This is NOT what she wanted. She told me that she finally thought that too much freedom is not right. She was the last to find out that because of No-Jealousy policy, everyone in the family noticed that “her husband doesn’t care for her” at all. She was shocked when one of her in-laws even told her that, “I don’t blame u if you just walk out from this marriage. Your husband doesn’t even care about you.” Suddenly it knocked me too. I mean, I thought No Jealousy is what people want in their relationship? I used to complain having jealous boyfriends in the past. It was jealousy that suffocated me. It was jealousy that made me dress like half-sane person as I might put it. But I’m used to having jealous boyfriends. I could complain about their jealousy but I could not complain about how much they loved me. I think that Jealousy is part of the package that Love has to offer. So when I finally found a guy who never felt jealous but claimed that he loved me, I knew it that there was something wrong. I knew it. When I asked him repeatedly, “Why are you not jealous?” He always told me, “I’m not jealous doesn’t mean that I don’t love you.” I almost believed. So when something went wrong for the silliest reason, I just thought that – I was right all along.

When your guy is not jealous, that’s an indicator that he doesn’t care for you that much. If he doesn’t care for you that much, you can stop asking more serious questions than that. If that theory is not workable, wait until someone brings me the evident. Anything else, you should feel alarmed with your partner Trust you TOO MUCH cos it’s not normal when someone is never doubtful of your steps… Even if how trustworthy you are. This is not about you. Maybe you don’t worth that jealousy, but for you to show your care towards someone, Jealousy could be the first step when you first realize that you care for someone :)

Note: Over jealous is something else. Anything TOO MUCH is not good. So in fair amount, it actually make a relationship complete :)

A Sign From Above, But Which One?

I remember praying to God – I prayed for His guidance to guide me through. There are certain things in my life that I am not certain of doing and which way to choose. I asked for “signs” so that I know that I shouldn’t be doing certain things and what not. It’s a big dilemma actually. I read a very serious prayer for these certain things. So what do I expect now?

Earlier today was a very terrible day for me. Something was bothering my mind so severely. My mind was fed with too much negative thoughts that I thought I might burst in flame. I realize that my mind was not working the normal way. My stress level was high and I expected something like that since I’m having my PMS. I almost thought “this could be the sign” that I must back out before things get too late. That’s how I see it. On my way home, I mocked, I laughed and even ridiculed myself after everything that happened. I thought that I have made a laughable mistake. I suddenly decided to take my emotions as the signal that I must back out. Simultaneously, I have all the plans ready. What I should do next and all that stuff. Damn was I that determined. I was almost sure that this MUST be right.

Then suddenly, when I reached home, something happened. My broadband connection was down. This has something to do with what I planned to do. Never before since I first use it. So because of that, I got to nap with my heavy heart. I don’t know why I thought that this could also be a signal. I should not proceed with my evil plan. Gosh! When I got up from the nap, my head was lighter. I was not so upset anymore. I remember calling the helpline about the broadband earlier before that and I was told that it gonna be fixed by 10 PM. I got up from nap only about 9 something and the broadband was already back on. I could take that as a green light that I was at the right track for not thinking nonsense. It was only giving me a time to think it over and to not do anything that I might regret. I was so delighted because suddenly things went that way. I didn’t get to carry on my little mission because of the small interruption. I don’t know WHICH from these are the signs from above?

The first sign told me something negative. And then something stopped it. What do I expect? Did I expect that signs from God must come easily and easily seen? What if God gives me more mental tests for me to overcome and then that’s how I get the answer? Gosh this is funny. I was right about it. Why did I think that if God really answers my prayer, should He unfold things easily for me to see? Would He make it clear that I shouldn’t take certain decision, or would He make it another puzzle for me to solve? Now in front of me are a few signs that I could take as a Yes or No answer. After the prayer session, I realize that many things seem to be visible. I felt a little more, I saw a little more and I took into heart a little bit more. I see that I could pray for signals and signs for Guidance but God knows I have that wisdom to find out the answer. He provides me a way and I must walk the way on my own.

God, you’re something! *giggles.

Guide me more Lord. Help me to get back in track in case I take the wrong step. :)

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Who Started The Tango?

Do you guys realize that when you learn about a relationship involving anybody you know, the first question that most of you ask is, “Who started it?”.

If you have issues with the newly formed relationship, for some reason, you would feel relieved when the girl started it. You thought there must be something wrong with a relationship when the girl started it. Guys should be doing the job. Oh, think again. Or are you ladies just try to feel good when a guy you fancy is now with a relationship with a girl, who actually started approaching the guy first instead of the guy approaching her first?

Ladies, this is ancient. Or call yourself absurd if you want. Tell you what, I am wearing ancient thinking too so there’s nothing is so new about “looking at things from how it used to be.” I know that the old folks make us believe that the guy should be looking out for his mate and not otherwise. But back then, the guys went to work, the ladies stayed at home taking care of kids and households. Yeah, it was BACK THEN. Now the ladies go to work, as much as the guys and Guess what, more and more guys are staying at home and look after kids and households! So looking at this transition alone, suddenly you still feel like The Power belongs to men and only they can make decisions. Say that again. Freaking kidding me.

It took me a while to finally adapt to this actually. I remember watching this episode of “Apa2 Aje” on TV3, hosted by Sheila Rusly and Syamsul Ghau2. Sheila told her experience with her husband Jinggo. She said that she was the one who approached Jinggo. You know what was her reason? She said “Because I deserve the best guy.” She DECIDED who was best for her instead of men decide that she could be the best for them. The way she said, I saw “self-empowering” in her, that she thought she was THAT WORTHY that she should decide who she wanted to be with. Oh my, I was a bit startled listening to her. If I were a bit more immature that I was that time, I must have said something like, “I have never seen anyone speak so high of herself. Shame on her!” The way she said it, as if she thought she was that good. Oh man. Luckily I was that matured to digest it the right way and finally, Viola! I agreed with her!!

Guys should take note too. I notice sometimes guys would blame it on the girls. “Actually, she started it first.” I mean, when he tells you about his relationship that had just failed or even maybe his current girlfriend… he might just say to you that “She was the one who started it.” I tell you ladies, when a guy says this to you, give him “that stare”, especially when he is still very much in a relationship with the girl or he just broke up and still mourning over his breakup – cos you might be dealing with A COWARD and to me, only A COWARD speaks that way towards a girl who is his girlfriend or was his girlfriend. Tell you what, I won’t ask that question anymore. You know why? It’s because WHO FREAKING CARE who started it? IT TAKES TWO TO TANGO, RIGHT? RIGHT??

Aha…so a guy who tells people that it was his girlfriend who started the approach first, as if he wanted to give the impression that “OH MAN, I’M THAT HOT” and euwww she was all over me. Look, if that girl is so nothing, how could a Hot Man like you is in a relationship with her? Shame on you. It doesn’t matter if she approaches first because there’ll be NO TANGO DANCE if she dances alone. Moreover, trust me some guys are so passive and a non-mover, they actually wait for girls to approach them first. I know a few. Even my own uncle used to belong to this type. Luckily he met a pretty bold Chinese lady who would not mind making the first step and look at them, they have 3 kids now. Could u take from my uncle, “Oh she started it first. It was a pity.” Dammit…if any guy wants to speak this way, speak before u even think about wanting to go to the next level with her, Let Alone walking the aisle with her and make her bear your children!! Haiyooo…! (*Lols)

So the bold ladies out there who KNOW what they want – who go out and hunt their favourite guy…I’d say, Go for it. I don’t say that it’s right or wrong…but you know better. When you find someone so good to be your match, I think you ladies are smart enough to know that you don’t have forever to wait for him to make that step first. We have come this far, many steps ahead than what the old generation used to be – Now we are talking about the most important thing in life – that is to have a good life with someone who is right for you. Now that you are smart enough to know, I don’t see what should stop you. It’s just that, we are female, we are still female no matter what. We have face to save and we don’t force someone “to dance Tango” with us. If the guy gives the green light, ok, that’s good, go ahead. But if not, say Bye cos “Oh man, you’re so hot. Any guy would want to dance Tango with you.” *giggles. I mean, I find that boldness appealing! Hehehe.

As for me, of course I prefer the conventional way. But if I show it a little more than him, it’s okay. Maybe it’s just in the characters where the girl is more expressive and outspoken. The guy could be feeling more for her but he’s just the laid back type who doesn’t show. We are grown-ups. We try everything that might work and see if it could work. No matter who starts it, it’s still for the benefit of two people who decide to try it out together. Still, nothing is sure even if both have decided to “do the Tango”. So, it’s a wrong focus to begin with. If both of you FIND each other starting from the first step that she decided to make, You should thank her. :)

So now, do you mind to start “a battle”? It’s not about who starts it, it’s about who wins it… :)


Saturday, August 7, 2010

“A Friend Who Stole Another Friend’s Friend”

I remember this situation back in secondary school. For an elite school, I was considered “a plain kid” cos I didn’t have much to offer to get popularity. I saw the famous kids even had their own group. Whether they were top achievers or just daughters of somebody rich or influential. But to recall this incident back, I wasn’t sure if any of these kids had an experience like mine. Read on.

I remember when I was 14, I used to have a close friend that lasted for certain seasons. Close friend I define as someone you are seen together with most of the time. Going everywhere together; to the class, to the dining hall…almost inseparable. During schooldays, I had a few of them who I called this friend. Everyone in the school did too. It’s a normal thing when one close friend only lasted for a while. The person in that close friend’s place kept changing for many reasons. One of them could be chemistry – or just time and commitment. You usually give that place to someone who can offer you the most as a friend.

So I remember having this one girl as my close friend. I remember she was a very smart student and I was just average. She was very helpful and I thought she adapted to my attitudes very well. Being in the same class, it was so easy for us because our schedule was the same. After a while, another of our friend started to get close to me too. Maybe because that friend found out I was very chatty and a good listener, she easily got glued to me and she started to follow me around and she seemed to spend more time with me rather than the first friend. I didn’t really feel things were changing because I thought I was going with the flow. I thought if things were to change, everybody sort of understood cos that’s how it normally worked. Only a few stay with a close friend for a very long time. Everyone was always finding someone better at the time to share their interest and spent time doing things together.

I remember one evening… I was sitting at a bench with the new friend. The old friend passed us by and she sat there for a while but she kept quiet while the new friend and I kept chatting and giggling. I remember the old friend stared at me. I didn’t know what she was thinking. But one thing for sure, I remember that I didn’t see any gap. For me, all of us were friends. It just happened that I was sitting and chatting with the new friend, cos to me the next time, I could be doing the same with the old friend. I didn’t give this thing much thought. The new friend had to leave for a while and what left was me and the old friend. She said this to me…

“I see that you’re not happy with her.”

I said, “Why did say that?”

She answered, “I could see it from your smile. Like you were just entertaining to her and pretending to enjoy her company.”

Then I said, “Really? No la….”

At a situation latter than that, the new friend said to me. She told me the old friend said something to her when they bumped into each other while I was not around. She said, “You stole 256 from me. If it weren’t for you, we could still be so close like before.” I was so shocked to hear that. I almost thought she was kidding. I never thought that 2 friends would argue over me. I mean, I was just that plain little girl who was lazy and not so active in sports and I was a back-bencher who didn’t like attention and most of the famous kids there never got to even hear my voice because I was quite silent when I mixed with larger crowd. But who would have guessed that the very few people who got to be close to me, actually fought for my attention and friendship. Although I did not like the heat that was going on between them, but deep inside I felt so appreciated. At least I remember I might not be rich and famous, but I was a worthy friend that one would not want to lose.

This didn’t happen once. It happened again between other friends – always leaving me clueless, What have I done? Why I still feel so innocent? Was I heartless to not know that I have hurt a friend just by making friends with another friend?

Thinking about that old memory, I remember feeling almost the same way again for quite a few times in my life as a grown up. Actually, maybe I had the idea right. Nobody steals anybody for somebody. Why create the issues revolving “Who steals Who? Who should be with whom?… Why?? I think since I was a kid, I already know the answer. Why should we pick one from two friends when the three of us can sit together happily and talk about all the nice things and laugh and giggle together?

So I decided… I was never heartless towards my friends. What I know is Friendship is to be shared. Nobody makes a new friend just to make the old friend feels abandoned. No, it’s not right. I make a new friend, so now we have another in this circle. You make new friend, and that’s another one to the circle. The more the merrier. Nobody steals anybody. We all deserve to be here. We all deserve to share with bond called Friendship. Together we make this big circle. Go make this circle work guys... :)

Thursday, August 5, 2010

No, It Doesn’t Have To Be Sophisticated

I can’t call myself Perfectionist because in majority of the matters, I am not that perfectionist. I am quite acceptable and reasonable in many things. But I must admit that I used to have different outlook in love life. I had the idea that Love must be something perfect. Two people live in a perfect paradise. Couples share happiness and all the good things, and nothing else. Through the years, I learnt from other experienced people that my idea of a perfect love doesn’t exist. It’s only fairytale. Okay, I’m done with that lesson.

Or maybe I’m not really done yet. Why am I still surprised when I see people who are so undemanding in love? I don’t know why I still need time to accept that Love is not about luxury, or beauty, or anything near perfection. Maybe there’s something need to be corrected with my mindset. Whoa, now you’re talking 256. Hahahaha. I’m thankful that as simple as watching others – it knocks me over and over again on the head. I saw thesepeople parading their love in the simplest ways possible, without having so much to rely on physical impressions. Yes, that’s the word. Physical Impressions.

I saw this couple who came as customers. The guy looks so much younger than the lady. He is so much younger indeed. He looks like he just finished his SPM and the lady is clearly much senior than him. I stole a sight of them – deciding if the guy was her younger brother or maybe her son. But after I saw the wedding pictures, I know they are a newly wedded couple. I saw how they talked to each other. I saw the love in their eyes. As they walked together, I could imagine that people must be whispering if they start to hold hands and stuff. From the physical impressions, it’s nothing like what would satisfy your eyes. Especially with the visible age gap, some people might even skip a giggle or two. But then Who Cares? The guy doesn’t care about that. The lady doesn’t care about that. They have gone extra miles to be with each other and now they are married. Tell me again that this is NOTHING about physical impressions. Okay, u tell me that after you tell yourself.

Then I saw another teenage couple. They are also my customers. There’s nothing much about them really. I saw couples who are both lovely, a handsome guy with a pretty girl – a perfect match. Or maybe a pretty girl with a less handsome guy, but rich. Something like that. But this couple presents nothing for people to see. They are as ordinary as can be. I saw their pictures together…sitting at an isolated stairs, and they self-took the pictures together with many different poses. I even saw some kissing poses. Kisses of love – not lusty at all. Then I looked at the girl as she was talking to the guy in front of me, My gosh, they are so in love. They are so average and yet they don’t judge each other. The guy is overweight and a little bit sluggish and messy with too much silver accessories and the girl is just the innocent looking who doesn’t even groom a bit to impress. I often see them around, walking together. The smile on the girl’s face – I know she’s so happy. I said to myself, My Oh My…

Then I saw this friend’s wedding pictures. I used to think that this couple has so much to offer in terms of physical impressions. Both are goodlooking and likable. But what I see in the wedding pictures, I was so touched by the moderation. The place was decorated in a very average way, without showing their wealth. Although they can afford much better than that, they both picked to do it moderately. But not until I saw their faces that time. It was like they were having the ceremony on the most beautiful place – the most genuine shine of delight shown in their faces. They made me see that it’s not the ceremony, it’s not even about other people, it’s about The Two Of Them and the union that they are celebrating. I felt so touched inside. How humble and yet they stood in pride because of their LOVE for each other.

Love is not something that you need to show off to people so that people can say something good to your ears. It’s not even seeing the look of awe in other people. No No. It’s not about other people. It’s about You and your Lover. It’s about the Love that both of you share. People can talk, people can tease, just let them. The magic is not happening between u two and other people, but between the two of you. Only you two know what please you. Only you two are touched by that magic so if they can’t see or feel it, it’s okay. Cos it’s your time. Go and work out that Love. You guys found the real meaning of unconditional love. I envy you guys.

Thanks for this lesson :)

“I Shall Now Punish You For Your Past”

Have you guys come across old friends after many years of not knowing their whereabouts? Yes, they could be the ugly duckling in the classroom, the smelly kid who seldom took bath, the dumbest of them all who always got the last place, or the kid whose face full of acne. Usually you remember people from past with a certain characteristic that made them unique. The right or the wrong reasons, at least you remembered them.

If you agree with me, we developed at different pace. Some were excellent at school and then slowing down. Some are the opposite. But back then, we used to be kids who were only starting to learn how to live. We didn’t know what’s best and what’s proper. Depending on the lesson that our parents taught at home, we started off so innocently. Some of us were the nasty kids who were hated by everyone. It’s funny that we remember people with the last memories we have with them. The last time, he was a gangster at school, so what do you expect from him when you meet him 10 years later? So u thought a little thug at school must now become the most wanted criminal?

I write this post because this is the reality. If you notice during a class reunion, only a few would show up. Not enough with that, sometimes when u guys bump into each other, one of you might pretend to not recognizing the other person. You guys know why? One of the reasons is because, it could be that the last memories they have with you are not a pleasant ones. The last time, you were someone you were not proud of. For a lot of reasons, you started to be so humble for that chapter in your life. And logically, some people would remember you for that poor chapter. After many years later, maybe they are not sure if they want to recall back all the unpleasant memories so they just pretend to never know you. If they don’t, you might bring up all the funny things in front of other people that gonna embarrassed them. Gosh…you guys do that? Ask yourself again, you guys DO THAT?

I used to have this one guyfriend who was poorly affected by his schoolday image. He was this rich kid who once thought he owned the world because his dad was so freaking rich. He was was hated by everyone in the school. Nobody wanted to be his friend. Maybe because of the mistake that he did, he still stepped on the kids’ toes thinking that he was so powerful because he has money. Being helpless and less-sensitive, he finally got himself in a beating incident where he got beaten so profusely by the other kids who had enough of him. He got so traumatic by that incident and he quit school without finishing his secondary school. Maybe his dad’s wealth makes that possible. After that he joined martial arts to gain back his self esteem and to protect himself from incidents like that. He took years and years to learn all that just to build up himself again. Over the years, maybe he learnt so much why the kids didn’t like him. After many years later, he became someone else. He now knows to respect people who deserve it. He earns people’s respect from the new man that he becomes.

After years living with peace, he mixes with new people, have new friends and all. Suddenly his pastime is catching up. I, as one of his new good female friends, didn’t know about his past. Out of nowhere, the person who used to know him bumped into me and started saying things about him. More and more of his pastimes were exposed. When I relayed the things to him, he became so disturbed and embarrassed. He said “There’s something so bad happened to me before. I won’t tell you no matter what you say.” Suddenly he became so vulnerable and like he totally lost that power and drive. The incident must still be haunting him. I didn’t understand. Until soon after, I heard from more and more people that one of the schoolmates leaked the embarrassing incident that he got beaten up badly and had to quit school. I felt so pity on him because He was Punished for his past. I told these people this, “Hey stop it. Whatever you guys speak about the person, I don’t buy it. You are talking about 10 years ago. Are you guys that great already? You guys never make mistakes?” Is it fair? Do you want anything like that to happen to your younger brother or sister? Or maybe one day, your kids? My goodness people. Don’t you guys see that?

If you try to influence people to start punishing someone because “he was a bad kid” 10 years ago – tell you what, your act of Framing this person today – I hope someone would punish u back 10 years later. STOP it, you hear me?? Get a life! Let people start a clean slate. People make mistakes. People learn from mistakes. Whatever that people feel about someone, let it be because of their own evaluation on who the person is at the present and you don’t bring up what’s past cos trust me you were once that dumb kid who knew nothing until you learnt something from school. You are in no position to punish others. Especially in most cases, the person didn’t even do anything wrong to you. You were just the spectator and now you become the executer. Whatta pathetic loser that makes you!!

As much as you would want to be given a second chance to be a better person, you first MUST give that chance to others. Come on you guys…Life is short. Let people have their equal space on this Earth. If anybody were to punish anyone on this planet, definitely not you, but if you still do it, I think you deserve to get punished by someone else too later in your life. Whether you like it or not, let you decide about it later. Fair enough.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

About The Other People & Their Mouths

My dear readers, not that I think you guys don’t know. But let me remind you guys again about The Other People; they can be your neighbours, your acquaintances, your relatives, your co-workers – as long as they know something about you and your life. I know that we are bothered so much about “What people say” and guess what, I did the right thing by identifying Who These people are again.

Most of them are those who are not even related to you close enough to make them understand why you do what you did. These people won’t even feel sad when something bad happens to you. They won’t get affected even a bit. Every decision that they make in their lives, they never think about you or care what you feel. Even if it might affect you the bad way, they won’t care. So ask yourself again if the words that come out from these people’s mouths are what you should listen, and are their hearts that you should please. I think these are the right questions to ask regarding The Other People. I mean, I think we spend too much time for them. Not so sure if they spend that much time on we. Chances are, they don’t. Why should they? We are just among “The other people” in their lives.

I talked to the experienced people. When we went into the subject of “What people gonna say about this” and they said to me straight away – “Don’t talk about people who are not related to you. Even your family, your relatives will never stop talking and questioning you for every single thing that you do in your life. They gonna put you in a difficult situation that you have a second thought about what you want. Now, what can you expect from The other people who are not even related to you? Those who are in the position to have jealousy issue that you gonna do it better than them?” How Right is that!

I have said this many times in this blog alone. I have started to notice the effect of The Other People when at one point in my life, I realized that after listening too much and trying to do something that make them close their mouths, I still felt like my chase was in vain. I didn’t know why I was at a certain position, doing what I was doing. I realized that everything that I did just because I put These other people under my consideration, was just Not Me. It was pathetic to feel such emptiness after doing so much. Then I learnt to listen to my own heart because I was seeking so badly for a MEANING and I refused to feel that emptiness again. I just got up and started doing things my way and put these Other People a level down the list of my priority. After a while, I thought that it worked quite well, so I put them another and another level down. Suddenly it feels so right. I never feel so powerful when I can just practice my freedom to make decision totally on my own conscience and never care what people say.

It’s a lie if I tell you that I have absolutely stopped hearing their mouths talking. It’s a lie if I tell you it won’t discourage me a bit when they say something bad about my life. It’s a lie if I tell you they totally have no power over me anymore. But one thing I am sure of, if they are really As powerful as they were in my life, I won’t be where I am today, feeling this way towards my life and myself. It’s because I have taken very courageous move to step out of the cage and be as independent as possible in order to really live the meaning of “It’s My Life” and not “The Other People’s Lives”.

My advise would be – You can’t let these people run your life anymore. Enuff is enuff. You’re a human, it’s normal to get affected by other people but there must be a visible line that marks all you can take from them. They can make u see things u don’t see, but they also make you don’t see things u should see. Take what’s good they can offer you and NEVER EVER let them stop you from doing what you think is right. I tell you guys that I did exactly that. At one point in my life, I made a decision that nobody agreed. Everyone questioned me and thought I must have lost my mind. I have God to thank because I was persistent enough to cover my ears and close my eyes from their protests because I told myself IT’S NOW OR NEVER. You gotta do something big in your life because It’s YOUR Life, whether they like it or not. The painful part is when no matter what you do, there are always mouths that talk and predict things for you. So I accept it as “their job” so I just let them do their job when I carry on with my life mission. At one point, I was right that these people stopped talking and just accepted things as they are. Or the rest might still be talking endlessly but the hell I care. What I care now is I have the life that I want and I’m happy. If they never care about me when they do anything in their lives, Why should I care about them?

The best part is seeing them shut their freaking mouths when they have said it all and you never cared and you still did your thing and went your own way and you managed to do it all successfully. It’s Very Rewarding, Trust me. Not because you can get back to them, it’s because you can finally HEAR your own voice and Follow your instinct – which are among the hardest things to do by majority of the people. U dare enough to do it your own way? Start it now. Let them talk. You have bigger mission. Best of Luck :)

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

“Never Properly Married”

This thought crossed my mind. I remember having talks with my chatfriends about marriage. How much you should have to afford a wedding so on and so forth. Most of the guys got really discouraged when they realized that the wedding cost them everything that they won’t even get to see in their saving account. I mean, those who get married in their 20’s, mostly are paid by their parents. If you want to pay your own wedding, maybe it will take years down the road. Oh man, we are talking about the ceremony here people. Do you know that the ceremony is NOT part of the marriage life at all? I mean, the marriage life begins AFTER the ceremony. What? You spent that much for what? If you can tell me that the big ceremony will secure you at least 10 years of happy marriage – At least u can spend all your saving and loan money to freaking make that big event of wedding of the year with a big light heart!

Just my radical mind, so forgive me. We speak badly about the western culture. If you recall Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are Never Married and they already have 3 kids together. They are seen everywhere together. Both still active in acting and still making big money. The kids sure have nothing to worry in terms on inheritance. People call them Mr and Mrs Pitt even though they never have this so-called ceremony that pronounces them legally married to each other. Why I think that they live the BETTER definition of marriage compared to majority of the married couple out there? For your information, I do know that to have a marriage blessed is part of our responsibility as the followers of our religion. But try to look at this beyond belief, religion and culture. Let’s talk about The Essence of marriage. What Is That Freaking Essence?! To Be Happy Together, agree or not?

This life is full of Unnecessary Things. The big wedding ceremonies for example – do you know how many lovers don’t get to marry yet because they cannot afford the ceremony? How many loving couples have to end their relationship because they refuse to change their religion? (Note: There are countries that allow different religions marriage but not here). I mean, isn’t it good that we can just concentrate on what really counts in making marriages work? The marriage life alone is already Very Tough. You have to deal with trust, loyalty, responsibility etc. Can we just simply focus on what gonna count in real marriage instead of entertaining to too much formalities that humans create just to complicate matters? Do you guys know that because of formalities, Marriage could be as Unreal as can be. People get married for the wrong reasons and I’m not trying to be prejudice here, but what do you expect from this? People who thought they have found their soul mate, also ended their marriage in vain. Ouuuch!!

The reality of marriage today is NOT necessarily about 2 people being in love – Suddenly it becomes a ritual that “every adult should go through” or even paper signing (sthing like signing Memorandum of agreement) that, or maybe “we need grandchildren so you much find someone to marry!” or maybe “Uh-oh, age is catching up, I must get married now” and all the likes. I think that it’s drifted too far from the real purpose. And then some people start talking about the skyrocketing divorce statistic, they start asking question, “What’s wrong with today’s marriage? Why can’t they last forever like the ones of our parents and ancestors? Don’t you guys think we are bothered too much by formalities that we forgot that marriage is for 2 people to share and life and Be Happy together?

I have this one friend with a Very rare case. She was engaged to her boyfriend 4-5 years ago. But since both don’t have a decent job, they delayed their wedding for another and another year. In fact, they have registered at the church to book for their wedding mass but, believe it or not, they cancelled it in the last minute because they decided they could not have the proper complete ceremony. And guess what, they did it for at least 3 times so the church kept canceling their names in the last minute. Last year, finally they were determined to get married and make it happened this time. The girl sewed her own wedding gowns, at least 3 altogether. They had it all planned. The wedding must take place that year. Now after months later, the ceremony never took place. The last excuse that the girl gave was their house needed a lot of repair because it was getting really old and they planned to do the ceremony there. The villagers were talking of course. But they got tired because there was nothing they could do when the couple faced so many problems to hold the proper ceremony. Anyway, they finally did civil marriage because it was simpler and less hassle. Now I look at my friend – she’s very happy. She refers to the guy as “my husband” though I know the marriage was not yet “legal” since it has not yet blessed in church and there is no wedding ceremony that takes place. I used to ask her about the wedding blessing but now I never ask again. I think that eventhough she’s not “properly” married in terms of formalities, but her heart knows she is properly married because she’s happy with her man and they are seen like a romantic couple who are always there for each other. I never hear that she complains about her man, unlike the others who got married properly. As a matter of fact, most of them have marriage problems and some are in the verge of breaking up. Then these people show me that something is wrong with how we handle marriage nowadays.

To complete each other. To be there for each other. To share joy and pain. To accept and never judge each other. To stay by each other’s side till death do them part. If they can meet all those, even if you are “Never Married” in other people’s eyes, I would happily say that these people are those who are indeed “Properly Married” cos they Found Back the truest meaning of Marriage :)


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