The Luck of The Pink Lipstick

If you are my Fb friends, you know I mentioned about a pink lipstick that I bought by mistake. That's the picture of the pink lipstick. Hehe

Actually when I said I bought it by mistake, not because I did not want to buy the lipstick. I just picked the unfamiliar colour because I was in a rush. I tried the testers of a few colours but they were too common so I just picked "something else" from what I have tested. Something that looked less dark, less red and hopefully something that not too visible when I put it on. The reason is because I already have the same kind of lipstick with super red colour. WHOA! It scares me! Hahahaha. I mean, Red is lovely but do you know that Red gets attention easily? I don't really want or need that attention - I mean I am actually almost a makeup-less person (in contrary to some of the photo pieces that I uploaded before, right? LOLS. In person, I'm not a make-up person, full stop). So lipstick is just a little highlight that doesn't make me look like I just got up from sleep or something. It's just a womanly thing to use a lipstick, but of course I will look overgroomed if I put too much colour. UNLESS I am attending an event where it's right to just groom a little more. So, the Red lipstick is too bold to wear daily. The one that I often used has run out so I thought I should buy a new one. So I just randomly picked "something lighter" judging from the label. It turns out that it's THE PINKIEST lipstick ever existed in this whole wide world. Hahahahahaha. It's just too pink, omigosh!

Pink is not a suitable colour for me. But guess what, because I don't want to make a big deal out of it, I decided to just WEAR IT! At least it's not the Red that makes me look like I'm going to a Dracula party or something (LOLS) so I guess this pink won't hurt that much. It will look weird on me though but I TRIED NOT TO CARE. Hahahaha. So I wore it for the first day yesterday. All the time I made a joke out of it. I acknowledged my friends about it before they even said anything. "Okay I know this lipstick is funny but I'm wearing it anywayyyy". Hahahahaha. They didn't get to comment anything about it because I didn't give them the chance, and I didn't want to listen to it! Hahahaha. I can't believe I could just reach that kind of absurdity appearing "funny" like that when I actually disapproved of the colour to begin with. But Lets just do it, I said. My friend did say, Hey, I want that lipstick!! I said, Go Watson la cari sendiri! (Yeah I bought it at Watson, I will not tell the brand. It's already too much details bah!) So I know my friend loves pink lipstick, in fact I thought of giving it to her when I first tried it, but then No, it's not hygienic to share lipstick. She doesn't mind at all but I do. I'm not going to share any possible bacterias with you guys...Hahahahahaha (The same way I don't want to share your bacterias too...LOLS :PP)

So okay, the first day with the funny pink lipstick was done successfully. No major scene caused by it. I remember I was too tired and I slept early last nite. When I woke up I saw a whatsapp from my sister - Your number keluar lah! Hahahaahha. You guys know that I'm really not into lottery but since last year I said why not just play it for fun. But the condition is the lottery shop is really  just a few steps away, then I'll buy it. If I have to sweat, No, I'm not to that level yet. You can't force LUCK like that, I told my sister. LOLS. Last time I went out with my friends, my bestie is  earning a 5-digit income and still buy lottery for fun (black market some more ah! Hahahaha). Selamba ja dia cakap dia kena RM11K (playing that 1 + 1 4D) and then time we duduk2 minum tu, dia check lagi kena lagi RM600. Syok or not? Concept dia is, Kenapa mau bermusuh sama duit? Kasi chance dia datang sama kau! That friend of mine is really into fengshui and she even paid to get some guidance from a famous fengshui master. Luck in lottery is one of the thing being highlighted so she actually just pursued her predicted luck. As for us who don't do all that, how do we know how we gonna welcome money luck to us? That's what I thought, why not just play it for fun.

So you get the answer. I will remember my first lottery winning in 2019 is the day I wear the super pink lipstick. How can I not relate them two? Hahahaha. So my pink lipstick, are you giving me the reason for you to stay? Okay, you'll stay for now. Hehe. 

How Well Can You Know Someone From Their FB Posts?

This woman and her husband, came to my place a few years ago. After a few encounters, at least I remember her husband's politeness. And then the woman and I became FB friends not long after. I could describe this couple as IDEAL, because they were always together, tagging each other's name and with sweet captions on how supportive their partner was. And I already met them both, I could see their closeness and bond. Happy and ideal couple.

Last year, I remember not long after the election, I saw their post again at a Raya open house in July. Standing side by side in the photo just like usual with their hands on each other. Not an unusual view and could anyone spot anything wrong with them just by looking at another set of loving pics and the sweet FB posts?

Suddenly in October, the wife posted something like, "FINALLY, I'M FREE" I was so so shocked so they just got divorced!! After 13 years of marriage and 3 happy kids. Then the wife started to post bitter things about the marriage and the partner she just ditched from her life. She said all the time she was in a toxic relationship and described her ex husband as a narcissist. She said she was always tired when he was around and when he was not around suddenly she was energetic. Then she mentioned how the guy sucked all the energy around her. Which means, she was not even happy with that man since a long time ago. DARN, darnn...  I tell you I was so so disturbed. How come you guys been posting stuff on FB like you were living in a castle of your dream? Imagine the kind of inspiration and maybe jealousy too caused by your happy posts, towards your friends who thought they were not that lucky? I mean, all those are officially fake? Oh gosh.

This is not new. I've heard my friend said, how the happy couple in FB was all fake when the husband just sent the wife and kid out from the house and the wife had to find her own way to continue living. IMAGINE THAT? Then my friend said, "Bukan main bahagia dorang kalau di FB. Rupanya di luar porak peranda" Oh gosh guys, stop this! I mean I know that none of the couples intend to end up going their own way but Why people, do you feel the pressure to put a fake show on FB that your life is nothing but a bed or roses? Or maybe it was the real happy moments but things change so fast and nothing lasts forever. This is about posting everything in FB. It scares the heck of me.

That's why always have the thought in your head to not Overdo it to the point that it becomes A SHOW to people and they start to see you as some FB celebrity and they will want to know what's now and what's next. You can't control people but you can control yourself. I think the sin that FB does to us is when it starts to put a pressure on us to just put a good cover to what's happening in reality. Just because you saw your friend was happy with her marriage life and family, you want to get even and do your side of story in the same manner. And it becomes a competition of who generates more likes and reactions. When the fact is, real life is just so spontaneous that it happens without plot and happy captions. In the end it's always a better choice to save a bit of your private life to yourself. I don't say this by making myself a good example. No. I'm not good either. I want too much privacy and that makes me boring in social media. I think if you are playing cool and just be original, be real, be human rather than trying to look cool and show only the good things, I think that should be alright.

So back to the title. How well can you know people from their FB posts? Now you know what the answer is. What you see could be just the mask. Speaking of me, I have FB for my online identity only. Despite all the secrets, I still give details and clues in my daily FB posts. Maybe you guys have an idea or imagination based on the little details but do you think any of your assumptions about me is at least true? Here I want to say that NO, you may not know that much about me from the clues. But funny thing is, in real life I'm not hiding. You just don't know which one is me. All the fractions of photos are real ones. The posts of my cookings, the gifts, everything - are real. But I have so many good things that I don't post. I have vacation photos and videos that I really love and if only I could post them for people to see. But in my head is just one question. Why would I post when these people don't necessarily want to see them? Cos our FB friends are mostly people in the network who don't know us. There is only a small number of people Who Care to know. So I only share with these people in  our FB secret group. Rest assured what I post won't be wasted on eyes that don't even bother to see and know. And to all the FB addicts, know something that people who don't post every happy things, can actually be happier than you. Life is still happening to them and they are living it without trying to please people and their expectation. So doesn't matter if your life is boring in FB but in real life you are living every second of it. I rather do that than to be burdened by social media pressure to post only the good things. Oh man,  spare me that. 

Don't rely too much on what you see and read in FB. If you think you want to know something, just see that person outside FB. Oh, I remember my customer. I met him first before I saw his FB. He's really charming in person, soft spoken and gentle but in FB he looks like an older guy who can't even spell correctly. Hahahaha. Seriously, can we trust FB at all? Hahahahaha. OK then, make your own conclusion.

"Bila Kau Rasa Kau Sudah Kuat..."

I'm sure you guys pernah rasa KUAT bila benda2 baik dalam life kau suddenly datang berderet. Mungkin nasib kau masa tu bersinar2. Rezeki melimpah dan duit tu senang ja kau cari dengan usaha yang masih sama. Masa tu kau rasa, So this is my time! Masa tu kau rasa macam berada di puncak. Dan time di puncak ni, kau rasa that's where you belong. FINALLY! So masa ni mengaku atau tidak, mesti kau rasa a bit MEGAH dan KEBAL. Seriously! Kau fikir balik apa feeling kau time kau punya nasib bersinar terang. Bila kau tinguk bawah, kau rasa tu jalanan sudah berlalu. Kau tidak akan pegi ke situ lagi. Best kan God kasi chance kita rasa begitu? Nda juga kamurang heran la kalau sia cakap yang bukan masa kita susah ja satu ujian, masa kita senang pun satu ujian juga! 

Masa tu baru nampak perangai2 baru kita. Suddenly kita lupa orang2 yang ada time kita susah. Padahal orang2 ni bukan pok kesenangan kita pun, tapi dorang tu pun kita nda berapa mau tinguk. Senang cerita, parents kita sendiri bah. Suddenly susah parents kita mau tinguk muka kita atau mau dengar khabar kita sebab masa kita senang ni, maybe kita sibuk layan lifestyle baru, kawan2 baru yg lagi UP dan buli bagi job besar. Pegi melancong pun sendiri2 sebab rasa mau privacy dan family tu menyesakkan dan menyusahkan. I don't say SEMUA kita gini but we could be one of them. Benda common untuk anak2 yang tiba2 dapat durian jatuh ke riba.

This topic datang time chat2 sama kawan tadi pasal perangai adik beradik yg berduit. Selalunya time kita berkakai, kais pagi makan pagi, masa tu banyak niat2 murni dalam kepala kita. Kalau yg Muslim, mau hantar parents pi Umrah contohnya. Sekalinya bila sudah senang, duluan dia jalan dulu pi Umrah, parents yang tua tu melambai ja. Hehe. So yg masih berkakai dan berniat murni tu, CONFIRM ka bila kamu senang kamu akan bikin niat murni tu? Sebab LAIN tau feeling dia bila ada di atas tu. Kau rasa kau Undefeated sudah bah. Kau rasa kau punya life akan senang begitu sampai ke akhirnya. You can guess what I'm gonna write next.

Which is NO, Life kamu tidak akan sentiasa di puncak. Kamu akan hilang kekuatan dan kekebalan tu. CONFIRM. Sangat CONFIRM. Kitaran hidup manusia biasa memang macam ni. In my own context, I'm experiencing that AGAIN and not that I've never experienced that before. Not that I'm shocked. This is not even a punishment. THIS IS A CYCLE that you can't defy. Yang bestnya, masa susah tu lesson dia paling awesome. Awesome gila eh! Jadi masa kau senang, feeling dia lain kalau kau master semua lesson hidup susah tu. Kemegahan kau tu berpada-pada dan bersyukur macamana kita kena belanja makan time kita pokai dan kelaparan. Something like that. Tapi tu feeling MEGAH can be so overwhelming that kau akan berisiko untuk LUPA DIRI juga kalau dibiar. Hahaha.

So okay, about me. Last time sia rasa berada di bawah, I couldn't handle it. I thought I was gonna get drowned. So I dealt with it through the hard way, like putting myself in emotional agony. You know kan perangai si 256 macamana? Sometimes sia emo berlebihan, tapi GOD is good. Dia selalu lift sia balik dengan cepat. The only reason why sia tidak tumbang, is because I seek for wisdom from God. Itu seja la formula sia. Kalau sia cari wisdom dalam kepala otak sia sendiri memang nda akan jumpa. So kita kena faham cycle life ni. Life kau masa di atas, dia akan turun juga. So time kau di atas tu kau REMIND YOURSELF that this is not gonna be long. Tidak salah kau menikmati kesenangan hidup kau time kau di atas, but BE MODERATE dan kasi dorang rasa kesenangan kau especially these people yang sentiasa ada masa kau tiada apa2. Could be some kind of test from God how we deal with fortune BUT still, kalau kau bikin dengan excellent pun kau still akan turun bawah juga cuma kau boleh terus maintain your goodness ways. Tidak payah la meroyan sebab life masa di bawah ni pun ada kebagusan dia. Suddenly kau ingat asal usul kau yang kau pandai lupa sikit2. Dan merasa balik berjalan di tanah, tidak terbang tidak terapung. Garsh, for me itu satu pleasure kehidupan. Merasa kesusahan di masa senang, jadi bila kau susah balik, that is just a piece of cake! 

So apa mau bikin time di bawah? Kau kena RELAX! That is not your first time pun, yg kau meroyan kenapa? Hahahaha. Apa lagi kalau kau sudah matang, macam kena tampar angin seja tu. Kalau setakat hilang beberapa job, at least kita pernah rasa camana jadi gula yg dihurungi semut. One good news yang sudah terbukti, benda yang hilang dari kita tu akan kena ganti oleh something greater. Seriously! Don't tell me you don't know this. Mau berapa kali ulang sudah ni. Cos this is THE TRUTH. Just bersedia ja untuk terima benda2 yang much greater tu. Kalau kau nda sedia, mungkin kau akan terlepas dan mungkin kau tidak akan nampak pun sebab kau tutup mata hati kau tu. Kau mau meh jadi rugi gitu? Kesusahan tu ada reward dia. Jangan tolak and be prepared to receive it!

Kesimpulannya di sini, kitaran hidup ni kita kena sedar. Masa kita di atas, atau di bawah, be well aware that Life is doing its thing. Tapi masa kau di atas tu kau berbakti la sebanyak mungkin sebab kau ada kesenangan tu. Dan jangan la riak atau sombong sangat cos sepa yang bikin gitu usually jatuh dia ada sandi sikit berbanding sama yg besederhana dan sedar diri. LOLS. Tinguk ja sia, time2 sia di bawah ni sia ok ja dan mencari keceriaan di setiap hari. Blessing yang kecil2 tu dia nda akan lepas pandang sebab kenapa? Sebab itu lesson masa hidup susah yang sia nda akan lupakan. Ilmu tu mujarab sebab camana pun sia down, blessing2 ni akan kasi bangun sia cepat. Senang cerita, that's God's work. Sama ada kau pecaya atau tidak ja. But still kita kena lalui cycle ni dengan baik. Good luck to us. Baik2 sikit masa di atas tu ahh...Nanti jatuh jangan sampai tertiarap terus. Jatuh pun biar ada style ok? Hahahahahaa

Note: I have a question to my frequent readers. Do you prefer that I write in full English or you don't mind that I write using Sabahan Malay like this? You can let me know at the comment box or mail me at twofivesix_256@yahoo.com

256, Are You Still The Same Person?

What kind of question is that? LOLS. Of course it's still me. When I checked back, yeah, maybe you guys thought I was disappearing especially when I posted only 2 posts in the whole 2018. Actually, at one point of my life, I really forgot I have this blog. 2018 was such an awesome year, maybe I was busy living it but I want to prove that I can still have an awesome year when I connect back with the things that I have left out and the people that are still around. It's been a time of reconnecting. I miss a lot of people in my life, I want to just be around and appreciate everything!

Turning another and another year older is just ---Magical. I unlock things that I could never possibly do before that. Hey people, life is just so amazing ooh. I don't know which stage you are right now. In case you are sad and brokenhearted, please hang in there. Tanya la sama orang2 yang sudah lalui that phase and di mana dorang sekarang. Ask them how they feel now. Of course some of us takes longer to heal, tapi promise me one thing, that you will continue your life macamana pun. Wake up another day and continue. Sebab banyak benda2 awesome yg menunggu kamu. Losers yang break your heart tu pun struggling dengan issue2 personal dorang sendiri, maybe selain kau simpan dendam kesumat sama dorang, kau try juga untuk KESIAN sama dorang sebab sebenarnya bukan senang juga berada dalam situasi macam tu. Senang cerita, kita ni ada role masing2. Hari ni orang yg jadi heartbreaker, esok lusa kau pula. One day kita just tengok balik and faham yang life ni perlu macam tu. Kita ni manusia ja, formula hidup ni teda sepa pegang. Senang cerita, jangan susah2 fikir. Kau cari bahagia di setiap hari. Cari la camana pun tapi kerja kau mesti mau cari titik2 bahagia yg bertapuk di sana sini. So kerja manusia adalah mencari bahagia. YA, READ THAT AGAIN.

Kamu tau kan God ni bagus? Dan dia sayang bah kita semua. Dia akan kasi jumpa kau benda2 yang kau cari. Kau minta tulung, dia akan tulung. Masalahnya kau PERCAYA ka yang God ada di setiap langkah kau? Remember the poem Footprints kan? Read it and understand. Mungkin sebab sia percaya sama Kerja Tuhan. I imagine Him say, 256, I could stop you before but I just let you go through this because I will exchange it with greater Wisdom. This has to happen so everyone will learn something valuable. Trust me 256, you can do it. Nahhh, macam gitu la conversation sia sama God. Tell me how can you lose when God is right beside you? You can't lose.

So guys, here we are again. I'm so glad to be back. Yes I'm still the 256 yang dulu tu. I don't know kamu sepa but thanks for still kasi kawan sia di blog sia ni. Kamu layan seja la apa yg sia tulis ni biarpun kadang2 bikin panas dan bikin sakit hati. Hahahaha. Sia kena buktikan yg sia masih si 256 yg dulu jadi ndalah sia mau bersopan santun sangat depan kamurang k. LOLS.

Thank you, guys :)

Note: Just that sia nda rajin sudah mau edit gambar sebab dia melambatkan sia untuk post. Jadi kita kasi simple ni kerja, makanya sia pi link terus gambar di google. Kasi chance la sia jadi pemalas sikit k...hahahaha

"Gambar Yang Terlalu Jujur"

Hahahahaha. I'm laughing already. Yesterday I was spending a day out with my buddies. All kaki selfie. That is our quest to collect memories. Especially when these friends of mine are from the workplace. I never imagined I could actually hang out with them. Ok back to the topic.

Ni lah bah gara2 smartphone yang terlampau canggih, macam2 outcome gambar yg kita ambil. Tempat yang sama, orang yg sama, tapi kenapa muka kita berbeza dari yang diambil dengan camera kita dan orang lain? So time kamirang duduk2 minum coffee, kami check balik tu gambar2, ada phone kawan kami yang category latest dan canggih, gambar kami macam pakai makeup and colour dia terover-over. Muka pun jadi halus yang tidak original dan tidak direlakan. Hahahaha. So, best ka macam tu? I personally tidak suka gambar yg auto-touch-up ni. Dia pukul rata semua gambar. I know it's the default setting of the camera bah tu. Kita boleh ubah juga tapi sepa la bah yang mau bother sangat sampai pening2 kepala.  So kita biasanya akan guna ja apa yang ada.

So si 256 punya phone camera ni pula lain cerita. Phone sia ni memang la kesayangan sia sebab dia humble, dia diam2 tapi dia buat banyak magic yang menyebabkan sia yg kena puji. Hehe. Dia ada limitation dia but sia tau apa kelebihan dia juga so sia pandai2 la maksimakan. Sia kan tukang gambar dlm family sia, and then memang kaki selfie sekaki-kakinya. Hehe. Guess what, why I love my camera phone so much sebab kalau dibandingkan sama phone yg canggih2, phone sia ni kategori JUJUR. Kalau mangut, mangutlah. Kalau cumil, cumillah. So sia kena pandai main angle dan lighting supaya produce gambar yg ok. Itu lah seja a bit of skill to partner with my humble camera phone. But I love kejujuran tu camera dia sebab You know that's you.

So time kami send2 gambar pi group, suddenly my friend comment, Uiii 256, telampau jujur ni gambar tauuu. She was referring to a picture yg memang dia posing inda berapa kena so nampak kemontelannya di situ. Hahahahaha. But as if dia mengaku itu lah yg sebenar-benarnya diri dia so in a way dia geram sama tu camera sia sebab capture Kejujuran itu bah. LOLS. Ya ampun gemuknya saya...she said. Punyalah berabis sia ketawa. In fact, she was the one who gave me the idea to use the word "Jujur". Actually dia sakit ati sama Kejujuran gambar tu bah. Hehehe

Bukan human gitu meh? Kejujuran tu something yg semua org expect and demand, tapi sebenarnya bukan semua benda yang jujur tu kita dapat accept. Sometimes it's better kalau kita jujur bertempat. Bukan semestinya orang mau tau perkara yang betul, they rather you keep a bit and only give them what they can deal with. Depends lah. Kalau la kejujuran tu tidak membawa kebaikan, maybe you can consider keeping it to yourself. Cos in this life pun, sia tidak always expect to know everything. Ada benda yang sia prefer kau keep sendiri, biar la sia tidak tau asalkan yang di depan sia ni adalah something yg real. Tidak juga boleh semua benda kau mau tapuk kan. Biarlah yg paling penting, paling crucial tu yang kau jujur. Yang sipi2 tu biarlah. Banyak lagi benda best2 dalam life ni yg kita mau lalui. So nda payah juga jadi gambar yg terlalu jujur lah. Cover2 juga sikit untuk kebahagian semua orang. Hehehe

Am I or Am I Not...Beautiful?

Don't tell me you never wonder how good looking you are in the eyes of the beholders. Hahahaha. This post is generally about us wondering about whether or not people look at us the same way we look at the good-looking people that we saw.

I had this one dreaming attitude - I mean, usually what I think is usually what will appear in my dream and usually it's in my favour. (Usually, not all, not everytime). I remember going to sleep wondering "What am I ahh? Am I or am I not beautiful bah sebenarnyaaaa? Hahahahaha. Actually it's embarrassing to write about it but nevermind, it happened long time ago. So that nite I dreamt of my English teacher from secondary school, Yeah, her, of all the people in this universe. LOLS. She actually told me, Haiyaa, you are pretty bahh. Confirm ni, you ARE PRETTY. And then I woke up. Oh Shit. It was not even real pula. Hahahahaha. I wanted to laugh so much cos it was just another dream that was biased. Exactly like the one before when I was wondering what mark would I get for my project presentation back in third year Uni because my friends applauded me, they told me "I think you really gotta get an A for that" because my topic was outside the niche of my course. So that nite I dreamt that my Maths teacher told me, "You get an A! Congrats" and then I woke up. OH SHIT. I got my hope high like the Everest. Deep inside I knew the possibility of not impressing my lecturers because I was doing "my own greatness" but not in the scope of the subject. Yeah, like the usual 256 rebellious ways. Hahahaha. Here comes the verdict. I actually got a C+ for it. Yeah. My dream was cheating on me. Hahahaha. So back to the topic, you think I was gonna trust my dream again kah? Hahahaha.

Okay guys. Here's my point. What made me write this because I realize something that I have a friend who always talk about her physical bad points. She will always remind people that she's short, that she's chubby, that she is getting older and never fails to blame aging for everything that starts to go wrong with her body. And not just that, she does the same evaluation on people. I overheard her conversation with her brother, who asked her opinion whether or not he should go to a casting of this modelling project. She called her right away and said, "Di sana ada cermin ka? Cermin la muka tu sikit. Layak ka inda. Jangan buang masa pegi benda2 begitu bila tau sama juga nda kena terima." She actually said that in the same annoying manner she often uses when she talks to her little brother.  Actually her brother has the potential that's why he was offered. Right there I knew she officially punishes everyone for the things she could criticize about their looks. That's just the way she is. Then I realize something else... THAT I'M NOT LIKE HER.

I have people complimenting my looks in different way, and I have people telling me that no, I'm not that pretty but I have a very attractive smile. Then I remember even people I didn't like, telling me out of the blue, 256, you're so pretty. But just don't take the word raw. People compliment us for different reasons the same reasons they don't. Maybe we are pretty because of our dresses or makeups or grooming, and enough for someone to compliment us. Or we do something good that makes people feel good about us, they will say the nicest compliment. Maybe they think we are kind. Maybe they appreciate our hospitality. Our understanding. Our maturity and maybe there's just something about us that makes them feel good. Suddenly the sight of us is just a "pretty" conclusion. 

As for me, this is me. These people can come and go with their opinions and I don't necessarily want to know. I prefer them to keep it to themselves cos we rather not be misled by any insincere compliments. Hehe. To be honest, with my talkativeness and what not, I seriously think some people will come to like me or dislike me. You already know that too, right? Looking just at our face and physical is just so plain NOTHING to even take anything seriously. There's really so so sooo much about a person that YOU MUST learn and take time to appreciate. For example, if you are in the position to value some of my skills, some of the things I'm good at,  how I am a good-listener as well as a talker (erkss), appreciate my philosophy, appreciate the way I think, the effort that I do and how I gain some of my inner strength considering my fragile nature, ALL THAT --- if you can see the values of myself in these aspects, then my physical CAN'T DO a thing to you anymore. You just have to like me a bit despite how I look. It doesn't matter la bah if she's not the beauty pageant material ka or what, then you'll go about saying something good just because you saw my values. Trust me not everyone agree that Catriona Gray is drop-dead beautiful, but heck, she's the new Miss Universe oh, lagi mau argue ka? Hahahahahha. Still, some people will disagree juga. You get my point?

I hate to come to the same phrase Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder, damn everyone knows that bah. If you understand the person's value, it's inside her physical, whatever her physical is - is not that important sudah. Cos memang there's always a way to conclude that the person is beautiful. And about my friend, don't do what she does. That's not a winnable battle. Your physical attributes make you, You. Just accept yours as well as others' unique creation.

So in case your are still wondering if you are or you are not beautiful, Wonder No More! :))

256, "The Attorney"

*giggles. Attorney is a peguam bela, right. No, that's far from my profession. But it becomes a jolokan yg my friend gives me because of this attitude of mine. I'll let you know in a bit.

Okay, this is what it is. As what attorney means roughly, someone who defends the accused. That's what I do. At first I didn't realize I've been doing this. Until another and another person came up with the same commentary about HOW I DEFEND PEOPLE yang jadi subject dalam cerita orang lain, especially when the person yg jadi subject tu tiada di situ. YES, I DO THIS.

I remember when my dad was mumbling about something related to my sis-in-law, which I thought caused by some misunderstanding. Before I said anything, my dad knew I was gonna defend her. "Kau mimang selalu backup dia. Macam la semua benda dia bikin tu betul." Okay, that's one. And then another scenario at work, again, the same sentence by a different person , "Mesti kau mau backup dia ni kan?" referring to another person yg tiada dalam di sana. EXACTLY. I back up people who can't do it themselves because they are not there. 

Selama ni, sia selalu fikir diri sia buli tahan juga a Negative thinker. I always think of the other possibility What If things didn't turn out the way we plan. Sia sentiasa consider itu option yang we could have failed but I don't necessarily let that stop me from doing something. Tapi sia akan point out Apa akan jadi Sekiranya A tidak terjadi. So I could be a kill-joy juga actually. Until someday my only sis-in-law talked to my mom about "every family has that positive person" and she directly said I am the positive person in the family. Masa tu it made me think. Positive ka pula sia ni? Ini contohnya.

Contohnya dorang sedang discuss about someone and benda jahat yang dia buat, and usually when orang lain sibuk condemn orang tu, muncul lah sia sebagai Penyelamat. Hahahaha. Sia akan bikin kerja ni tanpa dirancang. Biasanya berlaku sekiranya:

1. Sia rasa no one there yang betul2 pasti apa yang dorg cakap pasal si tertuduh

2. Sia rasa orang terlalu cepat menghakimi si tertuduh dan dorang cuma having fun bashing orang tu sedangkan penilaian dorg tidak cukup bukti dan dorang tidak kisah about it. For them as long as there's a topik of bashing someone, it just feels fun to do it

3. Sia rasa org tu Mungkin betul bikin jahat seperti yg orang cakap, tapi dia ada sebab lain di sebalik perbuatan dia yang kami semua tidak tau

So biasanya, cara sia Defend si tertuduh adalah membentangkan hujah2 possibility kenapa si tertuduh membuat sesuatu kejahatan tu. Yang usually piss my friends off, adalah dorang mau sia tidak fikir banyak dan bersubahat secara membabi buta, sokong dorang dan tolong bash sama2 supaya dorang feel good especially when orang tu is someone they don't like. But sia selalunya tidak jadi Pak Turut dalam acara mem-bashing secara berjemaah ni. Sebab sia rasa IT'S UNFAIR dan kalau pun mau bashing, sia mau dorang pertimbangkan juga beberapa perkara yang sia bangkitkan supaya dorang jangan terlampau pasti pasal verdict dorang tu cos THEY COULD BE WRONG once they know the truth. Which means sia bukan mau jadi angel di antara dorang, sia mau dorang bergossip tu biar kena pada tempatnya. Maksudnya, setakat apa yg kita pasti dia bikin, boleh lah kita cakap. Jangan bikin sambungan cerita dongeng yg kasi sedap cerita, cos sia rasa kita orang dewasa, perlu ada unsur2 kematangan sikit. Hahahaha. Wow do I start to sound annoying ka? Mimang Dasar ATTORNEY betul si 256 tu kan! Kin PANASSS. Hahahaha

Tapi jangan heran. Pernah juga sia skip jadi attorney. When my friend notified me, "Eh, nda pula kau membela kali ni ah?" when sia bulat2 menyokong makian dorang terhadap satu tertuduh ni. I forgot who and why, but I think masa tu sia sudah tau crime tu manusia memang dia buat. So, I don't do my Attorney job untuk kes2 begitu ya. Hahahahahaa

So apa macam ni perangai, ok ka nda? Sia rasa menjadi si Attorney dalam setiap gossip tu menjadikan sia membawa Aura rasional dalam sesuatu group tu. Kalau sia ada, at least dorang tau gossip-time kami ada watcher yang akan mengawal sejauh mana teruknya dorang mau membawang. They know I will disagree on certain things kalau dorang terlampau membash. They know sia bukan Pak Turut yang akan buat2 buduh asalkan semua happy. 

Tapi sia kena buat something, iaitu mau jadi Attorney pun, Jangan OVER. Hahahahaha. Kena tengok tempat juga dan especially kalau sama senior2, nanti org pissed and nampak macam sia tunjuk tambirang bah. Cos bukan sia nda pernah dengar orang cakap "si 256 ni kalau bercakap, macam dia ja betul" Yeah yeah I know some of you think that way but I know juga yang sia Tidak sentiasa betul. Kalau sia terover, means it's just Manusia bukan sempurna. Ah, bestkan kasi end ayat begitu. Suddenly you can't argue anymore. Hahahahaha.

Ok, the end. Thanks sama orang2 yang visit hari2 pegi check post2 sia yg lama2. Sia tau bah, cuma sia inda tau kamurang sepa. Adaka kamu kawan Fb sia atau just blog readers sia yang sia nda kenal. Ndapa, one day maybe we'll find out...Hehe

You Can't Force Chemistry, Neither Can You Deny

Do you think it's impossible to feel attracted to someone who is already taken? In other word, it's forbidden attraction. But it's human nature to break rules. We just love the thrill of it. Or maybe, it's simpler than that. Chemistry is not something you can force to exist, the same way you can't deny when it does. But do you like the idea? I don't think it's cool cos it can lead to emotional disturbance. What if it gets far. What if you start to expect something more. Then it leads you to getting hurt trying to cope with it. Not cool, right? As I experiment daily encounters with people, I understand how attractions can happen. Some people just click right away. They understand each other and they enjoy each other's company. And that doesn't happen all the time. Just a number of them. Or maybe just one in many. So don't say chemistry is normal. What uncool is when people find each other when they are already taken and made them think why don't they meet sooner than that? But this is very normal and you don't necessarily have to take it seriously. Maybe these little attractions are just there to add spark to your life and make you understand life and appreciate your loved one even more! Whatever you do, lets just enjoy the chemistry that comes along but always know where you stand. Don't let the chemistry destroy the science of your commitment and responsibility. Jangan main api masa dia masi kecil, sebab kalau dia besar susah tu genggg. Hahahaha

Given Only When Not Asked

Ada perangai manusia yang sedikit pelik. When orang minta something daripada kita, sometimes kita reluctant mau bagi. In fact, awalnya kita ada keinginan mau kasi, terus hilang keinginan tu gara2 orang tu beriya-iya meminta daripada kita. Want some example? 

I still remember dulu I have this friend, he called me almost everyday. Maybe from there, terbuilt la closeness tu. That time I was still studying at the uni. So, he made the effort untuk pegi bagi sia a few gifts, left it at the guard house. So maybe he thought he should get something from me too. But since the gifts were not my requests, sia nda rasa sia hutang dia apa2. But I remember dia berabis kasi ingat sia birthday dia. He said I must give him something. I hated it when he kept asking. Sebab if I give him present untuk birthday dia, seolah-olah sia dengar arahan dia dan sia cuma ikut arahan. I hate that. Sebab sia nda pernah minta dia macam tu. Maybe sia ada request minta burn dia cd but dat time he was the one yg berabis offer mau kasi. So memang sia tidak pernah put dia in the position yg meluat sebab kena minta2. Hahaha.

Guess what, I didn't give him anything on his bday. Just wish ja. Sebab we were just friends and I didn't have any intention untuk over dari tu so sia position-kan diri sia sebagai kawan yang tidak patut rasa tertekan or terikat. So bday dia berlalu begitu ja but sia ada juga la wish dia. Looks like dia tidak juga merajuk. Dia masih kawan sama sia juga. Or maybe sia ja insensitive sebab sia ndatau yg mungkin dia kecil hati. So akhirnya time Christmas, masa tu dia langsung teda cakap apa2 pasal minta gift. Sia buli pula pegi kasi beli dia satu frame Christmas and made the effort untuk send sama dia. Masa tu mungkin dia rasa limpas sudah mood dia untuk harap apa2 dari sia, or maybe masa tu kami punya friendship sudah tidak begitu rancak macam bulan2 sebelumnya. So masa tu dia thank sia pun dengan cool ja tanpa rasa excited. Ya la sebab maybe dia sudah tangkap sia punya style yg tidak selesa kalau dia terlampau beriya-iya. Or maybe dia sudah tawar hati dengan friendship tu. Anything could be it. So is it familiar to you?

Kepelikan ni berlaku juga sehari-hari. Sedar nda sedar, di masa ada orang yg mau attention kita, kita paling reluctant. But at the same time, kita bagi attention kita sama yang tidak begitu menghargai. If you ask me, how does it feel like to give something to someone who doesn't ask? Actually it's not about the person who doesn't ask. It's about you who want to give. Kita berada di situasi yang kita mau memberi sama orang yg ditakdirnya tidak begitu menghargai  atau mengharapkan pemberian kita, sedangkan ada org yang akan sangat happy kalau dorang yg dapat, but sayangnya we don't feel like giving it to that person, apa lagi kalau kita tau yg org tu beriya-iya, dan sangat mengharap. Kita boleh batalkan niat tu untuk membagi. Peliklah manusia ni.

So, does it mean we should stop meminta-minta, sedangkan kita mau betul orang tu bagi kita something? So bila lah kita akan dapat kalau nda meminta? Hahahaha. Kalau mau tunggu org tu bagi kita sendiri, silap2 nda merasa la kita kan? Hehehe. So conclusion dia begini ja. Teda choice sudah! Biar la kita nda dapat apa yg kita mau daripada orang tu asalkan jangan dia tidak mau kasi kita gara2 meluat kena minta2. Hahaha. It means, biar ja la! Jangan la meminta dan cuba la dengan cara lain supaya orang tu terbuka hati mau bagi dengan ikhlas. Itu seja caranya supaya dua2 happy. Kalau orang tu nda juga bagi, anggap seja la bukan rezeki. Beginilah resminya kehidupan. Bila orang minta kita susah mau kasi, tapi bila kita kasi sama org yg nda meminta, org tu nda hargai. Mungkin kita kena hadap ja benda ni sampailah satu masa yg memberi dan menerima, suka sama suka. Fair right? Mungkin rare tapi itu still adalah yang terbaik! Ini lah antara kepelikan manusia yg  kita terpaksa hadap. Hehe

This Is Maturity

I've experienced quite a lot in all the years doing my job now. At one time, I thought I've conquered everything. I know what to answer, I know how to react, I know how to do my job efficiently on short notice. The worst experience with customer was partly my fault so I took the full blame. That was the last time I remember. Everything else between that was within my control. Until today.

This customer is just...*something*. She took the time to come and review the final work. She sat there for around half an hour looking at the review. She said many No to me before, Change this, Change that, she definitely knew what she wanted. Half an hour is long enough for her to say anything similar. But instead, she sat there nodding all the time. Nodding is a sign of approval. In fact she said her approval very clearly that there's no way I could have misunderstood it. Until everything was done today and she was showing protest with her loud voice. Ouch, Seriously? As it was happening, I saw it as "a new experience I have to see". That I have not seen enough. Someone so ridiculous and out of this world. People like her do exist. 

With that loud voice as if I did not know how to do my work, I wanted to just answer her back cos I could highlight her mistake and legally make her responsible for the result. BUT I DID NOT. In fact, the moment it was happening, I already know what I needed to do. Let her have her way and quickly let this pass. It doesn't matter if she was wrong. It doesn't even matter if I lose some money. NOTHING like that matters. I have in my mind a lot of good things, something like that just doesn't add up. My happy thoughts, my gratefulness, my blessings, my everything, wow, they are just way way greater than one silly customer. Sorry for calling her silly but she will have a hard time if she behaves that way. I right away pass her to someone else, she was reluctant but she could see my resistance of not wanting to continue the deal with her. Her bitter nature is good for experience and someone else needs to deal with her. She needs that experience herself to learn more about herself. Lets take the lesson and leave.

Wow, so this is what maturity feels like. Anything that doesn't vibe, anything that doesn't sync, doesn't suit, doesn't match, let it pass. They are on their own journey too and why should we stop each other? None of us are perfectly right. We don't need to prove that. Stop denying. Stop defying. Everything flows to its own course and direction. We should only focus on what's awesome in this life. Everything else, just let it go :))