Today is 7 April 2011. Am I still the same as who I was exactly one year ago? How do I know for sure? I’ve been thinking of this for quite a while. Despite the fact that I always admit that my childishness will always be a part of me, would I actually admit that I’m growing up with time? It’s hard NOT to grow up with time. It’s hard.
If I were to face the same ordeal, would I handle it the same way just like one year ago? Maybe not. Maybe that’s how I know that I have matured. Though I might find the same situation as annoying as before, but I just react differently. I don’t snap easily and I am more reserve with my expressive responses. I hold my anger better than ever and I don’t simply speak words I would regret. This is a wisdom I don’t know I have until I deal with critical situations that need me to react spontaneously. This is a beauty. Another work of God.
I saw some younger people and put them in my little study case. I could see how I shake my head seeing how they handle things with their lives daily. How they speak all the wrong things that will backfire them. How they react emotionally and throwing tantrums all at the wrong place. Yeah. It should remind me of myself when I was as young as them. I should remember the time when someone picked up a fight with me, I would let people know how pissed and angry I was. I fought till the end that made sure I won’t skip a point in letting them now how Right I thought I was and how wrong I thought they were. It was so tiring to want to prove a point and that feels like a neverending struggle. In the end, you end up looking silly and even if you win, it might not be a fair game.
Being as rebellious as I am now, I don’t think being more matured takes that away. I just express myself in a slightly different way, though still rebelliously. I still make the unpopular decisions and I’m still not so much of a follower. Just that, there are stupidities that I won’t learn until I become older. There were things that I thought was smart, but appear to be not so smart.
I saw some talented people whom I know could get so far but they are lacking in simple things that simply slow them down in their own battle. They get discouraged so easily and get distracted by little games of feelings. I mean, whatta waste. They could not see potentials in them and even if they do, they don’t seem to think that it’s a big deal. In other words, their control for emotions is very weak. In some worse case scenario, some could even end up wasting all their good values over wrong judgment and greed just to prove a useless point over an ego. When I see them, I might not exactly be where they are now before, but it reminds me back in the days where I often wanted to win the wrong struggles just because of peer pressure while trying to deal with my own bad nature. I also remember how easily hurt I got when I received criticism or when I got teased over something. I wasn’t sure if I was good or not so I always depended on people’s opinion. I was still curious if they thought I looked good enough, or presented myself good enough – that I needed their approval before I could approve my own opinion about myself. Those were the days when I was crawling to even find myself. Yeah, I was younger and should I blame myself for not being smart enough? Maybe not.
Today, people could shower me with flattering and even criticism, be it over my attitudes, my looks or my work. They could go ahead and do it. Just that I can’t promise when I would snap the same way. I can’t promise I be as stupid as before. I can’t promise that your approval for my good values are taken so seriously. This is bcos being older gives me a wisdom that I don’t get from all the books I read. I finally see and accept who I am with all my goods and bads and this is without the presence of other people’s opinions.
For the younger people, I am sorry if you don’t have that abilities yet. I’m sorry if you still have to present your stupidest acts or speak all the embarrassing lines to defend yourself. I’m sorry if people could make you cry and lock yourself in the room just because someone throws you a comment that makes you feel like an ugly duckling. I’m sorry that you don’t know your potential as much as others could see. I’m sorry that you buy lies. I’m sorry that you often get caught in wrong infatuation and I’m sorry you can’t even judge it right if someone is sincere or just a sucker-up. Forgive yourself for being younger. It’s not time to be so smart yet. Your time will come.
Survive the ordeals and welcome to the world of maturity. :)