Thursday, December 31, 2009

Make This New Year A Happy One!

My New Year greetings go to ALL my beloved readers.

New Year could just be another day. You want it big? Make it one.

My Serious Goodbye To 2009

2009 is conclusively a BAD year for me as a whole. Although I have sweet memories that happen this year, but luck was always not on my side. And the tests and challenges that I have to survive have tested my strength to the max. I almost lost my drive and energy. My big decisions were proved to be wrong. I was forced to make a U turn for the biggest decisions that I have made from last year.

Do you think it’s easy? I have to recollect my sense and strength – I have to tell myself again that I was just the victim of circumstances. I have done my best but still I ended up regretting a few things. I hate feeling regrets. I know that maybe I was not that smart but at least smart enough to decide. I still failed. 2009 showed it to me that I was STILL FAR from getting there. Sheittttt… *Lols.

Well, I don’t want to write much. I seriously want to leave this year and I don’t want to turn back. I don’t care about New Year resolutions. I don’t care about counting down to the year transition on 12 midnite. I don’t care all that. I just don’t want another bad year. I have ENOUGH of all that. I don’t care about formality. I don’t care about welcoming the New Year with a friendly smile because 2010 doesn’t even recognize a warm smile. Cos by any chance, 2009 could recognize a warm smile, it won’t end up like this…me saying a harsh goodbye and waiting impatiently to leave this year.

Anyway, just to be fair. Maybe it’s true that 2009 showed me my bad decisions. But maybe I don’t know how many new opportunities and good people that I have met this year that actually brings me happiness for the rest of my life. I never know cos maybe 2009 is just the beginning of many wondrous things for me. I don’t know yet.

2009, although it has to be harsh now, but it’s not too late for me to change my label on you. I can imagine that when good things happen to me in 2010, I will have to refer back to you because it’s you that saw how everything started. You know what? Maybe I just have to leave so much space for that “reunion” with you cos who knows, your name might keep playing back as I recall all the things that I don’t know would turn big. Maybe it’s meant to be that you have to be this humble for now, 2009. One thing I can do for you is…I’m not giving up on you yet.

But for now, I need to move on. I need to give you a serious goodbye. Yes, you may come again back in the picture, but please hold something good in your hands when you knock. Until that, I just don’t want to turn back. I have to leave you here.

2010…I don’t know about you. But I speak of you too many times I thought I have already coming to the end of you, but actually, you have not even started yet. I’m glad though. Because maybe I can still decide what I want to do with you. I want to decide that you gonna be a wonderful year for me. I keep my fingers crossed.

Yeah, finally [256] can say it straight to be point. *Lols.

NOTE: Actually I have so much works delayed for my blog, so I have to keep my new posts sweet and simple… (at least for now). Hahaahahahaha :P

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

The Powerful Prayer

Do you guys pray? If yes, do you guys believe that your prayers are heard? If yes, do you believe that the heard prayers will be granted? If yes, do you believe that the prayers will be granted just in time? Ahaa…that’s a series questions for you to think of.

You guys know that I’m doing what I can to be a devout follower of my religion. But I am still a human being. I am just another weak soul on this planet Earth. I could read a lot of religious book, hear a lot of sermons and still be doubtful about many things that I can’t see and touch.

In my whole life, I have the experience when my prayers were not answered in time. I remember those times when I was so mad with everything around me because my life was screwed up just because I could not settle a problem in time. Those times, of course I was younger. I liked to blame just for the sake of having something to blame. I remember being mad at God too because I thought that He did not listen to my prayers. So maybe, those bitter times are more remembered than those good times when miracle happened. I couldn’t name how many of my prayers were answered, but I’m very sure they are quite a few of them.

Remembering the times when the prayers weren’t answered is very hurtful. It makes you feel sick to even pray. Cos when you pray, you put high hopes that it will be granted urgently. So when it doesn’t, you will feel so hurt inside. All your hopes just crushed and turned into dust. You hate that feeling. So the next time when you have a very serious problem that need to be solved as fast as possible, you would think twice, whether or not you should stop for a moment and pray?

Thinking of the times when your important prayers weren’t answered, it is bitter to even start a prayer. You hate to get hurt again if the prayer proved to be unattended. I feel this way to sometimes. I know it’s silly but I do it. Do you know the feeling when you have done everything you can and still things don’t happen the way you expect them to? Like everything is not in your control anymore. You have said some prayers of hope in your heart but nothing happens for months. What would you do?

It happened to me recently. I have been waiting for a problem to settle for months. This caused a lot of other problems that put me in a difficult situation. I have done my effort, but to no avail. I told myself, “[256], you should try and read that Novena prayer” but my heart was so heavy to even do the prayer. I was afraid that I put too much hope in it and still nothing happened. It might affect my faith. I don’t want that to happen. But I BELIEVE that Novena prayer is a Very powerful prayer beside Rosary Prayer. So finally I decided to read that Novena prayer using the prayer book of Novena for the Sacred Heart of Jesus. But again, I was too occupied with my activities, I could not find a quality time for it. I felt guilty because I delayed the prayer again and again. I just whispered silently in my heart that only God could help me with my situation. But I don’t know why I feel like God wanted me to read the prayer because He could send me an answer. I don’t know why I felt that way. So…after delaying it for so long, I finally forced myself to make time for it on the day of Christmas Eve. I woke up that early morning, and said the prayer with such devotion.

Yes, it was on the day of Christmas Eve. I went to work that day like usual. I planned to go back early from work because I wanted to prepare for the Christmas Eve Mass. Who would have guessed, that out of nowhere, I received a surprising visit from a representative who told me that my problem was almost settled? I mean, Yes, exactly what I was praying for during the Novena prayer only a few hours before that. The prayer that I’ve been delaying for months. This problem was bothering me for almost half a year already and who would have guessed that I received the answer on the day I said the Novena prayer? And it was a ridiculous day for a matter like that to happen because it was the day when most people were busy with holidays? But it happened!! My eyes wide opened in disbelief. “God, you answered my prayer, right?”

My infinite gratefulness to God is beyond words. What I was mostly amazed of not because I finally got what I wanted. I was amazed that God proved it to me that Yes, He listens to our prayer. He wants to help us but we are just too selfish to even pause and say a prayer. Well, maybe some of you will have something to say that you still say that your prayers were not answered. Maybe we should examine our ways. Are we too greedy? Do we ask for too much? Do we request something just for our own benefit? One thing that I have read and remember about this is…

God Doesn’t Give What You Think You Want, Instead, He Gives You What He Knows You Need.

Let’s not quit praying. Maybe it’s all God needs from you before he answers your prayer :)

Thank You Lord.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Give Till It Hurts

Janganlah Memberikan Sesuatu Sebagai Hadiah Dari Kelebihan Melainkan Berikanlah Sesuatu Sampai Anda Sendiri Merasa Sakit.

I saw this line from the bulletin for the Christmas Eve mass. When I read it, I thought that it could never happen to me. I mean, Who would want to give something when it causes them pain? As a matter of fact, we would not want to give at all if we can’t afford to give something. So it’s always because We Can Afford to give then only we give. But that line is suggesting that – it’s for the sake of giving – whether or not you can afford it. Iaitu kebesaran hati untuk memberi sesuatu kepada orang lain itu yang lebih penting.

Who would have guessed that I actually felt “that pain” for this Christmas? *giggles.

Buying a gift for our loved ones is not that hard. If you have the money, you can buy anything nice. But sometimes the concerns arise are – 1. Whether or not the gift is expensive enough to make them happy? 2. If Yes, will they actually be happy to receive the gift with the amount money that we spent on it?

But I’m not doing it like what others do. I don’t believe that the more expensive the gift is, the happier they feel when they receive it. I always know that it’s not like that. The best gift that people can get from me is my handwork. If I care enough to sacrifice my time and energy, it’s the best gift that I could give.

So here is the Christmas gift story for this year. Hehehe. I was planning to make a surprise. It’s a specially designed gift for my family members. So because I was so busy with other things, I delayed my plan until the last minute. Since that I could not make the gifts ready by Christmas Eve, believe it or not, I actually went to work on Christmas Day? Ouch! Not that I didn’t respect the holiday, but it was coincident that we only have a special dinner at nite. So I had to cancel going to some Christmas invitations that I received during the day. I had to tell them, “Sorry, I have something urgent to do”. Wasn’t that painful enough? I had to cancel my chance to meet my friends and relatives and eat variety of foods just to prepare the gifts. That’s one pain to count.

And then, the office was actually closed on Christmas Day. Nobody in the whole big building actually turned up. The security guards had told everyone to not come for any purpose because it would cause them extra work to look over the building if the building was opened. But because my equipments are all there, I HAVE to come. So it’s actually another pain to see the face of the security guard in charged when he had to stay there and watch the building since I was there. I spent almost the same hours in my workplace trying to make what I planned. So even my safety was at risk. Anybody would sneak into the building and do something bad. The guard had to be alert of that too just because of me. Did I just do that? I could not believe it myself. It was for the gifts.

Then here’s another thing. I found out that my equipment failed to perform. It was really a last minute malfunction that caused me headache. I had to run to find a shop that can do it for me, but most of the shops were closed. So I found a shop, and I thought I was lucky. Still, I was not lucky enough because the shop couldn’t produce exactly the quality that I expected. The time was running out. I must get everything ready in hours. But I came to the end of my wits. I could not do anything about it. I came back to the office and paused – “What should I do now?”.

My expectation was too high and must be met. I felt so upset inside. I wanted my family to be happy to receive something special from me after the Christmas dinner. It was gonna be a big surprise that would touch their hearts because they know, the whole year I was always giving the excuse that I was busy and set aside what they asked me to do since I always give my customers the priority of my time. So I wanted to take that time to show them that finally I have time to do what they want. But after all that I did that day, things were not working smoothly for me. I felt so stressed out and upset.

I suddenly remember the line that I took from the church bulletin. “Berikanlah Sesuatu Sampai Anda Sendiri Merasa Sakit.” Maybe it was what I was feeling that time. I pushed my effort to the limit. If I just buy anything to replace that gift, that means I could only give them the second best. I really felt it how my intention of giving got the better of me. I would not settle for the second best.

Finally…though I could not prepare the special gift yet, luckily I have other smaller gifts to give them and told them I have to delay the other gift. Guess what, they did not expect anything and they were still happy even I did not give them anything.

This Christmas, I learnt something very useful about Giving.

When you are very sincere about giving something to people, you would do anything even how hard, even how difficult, just to make it happen. Even if you know people would still be happy without the gift…Even if you know you are still loved the same even if you don’t give them a gift. It’s not about THEM. It’s about YOU. Cos you want to give and then you MUST give.

At the end of the day, I found out something else.

When you give something with all your heart, the most joy happens in the heart of the ones who GIVE, and not the ones who RECEIVE.

Now I understand what it means by The Pleasure Of Giving.

If you give something till it hurts you, it represents that your giving heart is bigger than what could be defined by your wealth. As beautiful as that :)

P/S – I will have a new year gift for my beloved readers :)

Friday, December 25, 2009

The Heart Of Christmas

Morning everyone. I am typing this is the dawn of Christmas. It’s never complete if I just leave the special day without writing down a meaningful thought for it.

Merry Christmas 2009 to all those who are celebrating it. As we know, the church will now will be overflowing with people again, unlike most of the Sundays throughout the year. Some people never turn up to Church unless they have a reason big enough to do so. And guess what, Christmas could be the reason for them to go to church. Even the non church-goers also know that this celebration means a lot to them that they should make time to spend at least an hour following the Christmas mass.

Aha…looks like everyone really waits for this day. But does everyone know WHY Christmas is such an important day?

Yup, let me get this right. Although I have emphasized that A Happier Christmas is by spending it with our loved ones, but actually – that’s still not The Heart of Christmas is all about. Christmas isn’t what most of the younger generation thought it was. Christmas is not Santa Claus, Rudolph the Rednosed Raindeer, Frosty the Snowman, Pine Tree decorated with running lights and miniature hanging deco – and as a matter of fact, Christmas is NOT about big food celebration where you spend your nite drinking till you pass out. That ISN’T what Christmas is all about.

Christmas is actually a VERY religious celebration because it’s celebrating the birthday of Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ came into the world to save men from sins by getting Himself crucified at the cross. The sacrifice and sorrow that Jesus went through on the cross remain a very significant event for the Christians. Without the event on the cross, there might not be a religion called Christian. I belong to the oldest religion, that’s Roman Catholic. So now you know why we make the Sign of Christ to honour and remember how much the tragedy on the cross actually makes a different to the world. So, Christmas date is picked to remember the birth of Jesus. His birth is like the biggest blessing from God. He was sent to the people on this earth, because of God’s Love to the people. Christians believe that He is the Saviour who will save the believers and reward them with eternal life. So, it’s normal when you attend the Christmas mass, usually the priest will remind us what’s the Real Christmas is all about. Suddenly you realize that it’s far strayed from the real objective of Christmas. The whole world is excited about the celebration but not all really know or care why Christmas is even here to begin with.

Christmas has been commercialized that it’s now more about a general celebration where people decorate the house and street, playing Christmas songs, throwing big parties, buying gifts and making surprises. It’s the time where people wait to go home and spend time at home. I believe that some people even thought that Christmas is all about Santa Claus. The world has so much to bank from this celebration alone, because it becomes a time when people spend most of the money they make in the year. They all wait for Christmas to finally be able to do something special. Well, that’s why the Church is feeling upset with this because the world is losing touch with the Real purpose of Christmas. But at the end of the day, is it a bad thing at all? It’s not a bad thing. But please, to all the Christians, let’s not forget that this is the celebration of joy for the birth of Christ. We are all thankful because Christ’s birth is a symbol of love. Yes, let’s rejoice for this magnificent birth. Say the thankful prayers that this celebration brings a lot of meaning to our lives.

So… have I made myself be part of this commercialized Christmas? I have been telling my readers so much about the importance of spending time with loved ones. So, am I trying to make the lost people even lost about real Christmas? Nope. As you can see, maybe it’s easier for me because I am not really a materialistic person. I don’t have the pressure to really get ruled by HOW MUCH materials that I have to measure how rich I am. I keep emphasizing WHO we have in our lives, because that’s the real wealth to me. I think I am doing justice and playing my part well in trying to spread the essence of Christmas celebration. LOVE that is. Cos in today’s world, maybe it’s hard to let them know that Jesus Christ is the reason for this celebration. But when you talk about love, it isn’t SO HARD anymore. Because Love is a universal language everyone can understand.

At the end of the day, I think that even Christ is happy that we learn how to adapt love and let it rule our lives. I bet He’s happier because now we know what’s the essence of this life. It isn’t how big our cars and home are, or how much we can spend at a fancy restaurant for the best foods, or how expensive the gifts we can buy for them. It’s NOT that. It’s MUCH SIMPLER. Even those who don’t have all those could still experience the biggest joy. Maybe the real “correction” is in that. Maybe we should not get too obsessed with materials and money. If we can feel rich just by counting our blessings through our loved ones, maybe we already hit the right key. Maybe Christ would forgive us if we forget for a second why we celebrate Christmas in the first place. Because His teaching still rules our heart – LOVE that is. As a matter of fact, our biggest gift to Christ is when we can practice how to “Love One Another”. He’ll be happy when there’s no vengeance in our hearts. No more hatred and enemies. "Forgiveness" - is a big word. Just with that, I think we can present Christ the best gift. It’s not even about giving Him something. It’s as simple as sharing love among us. Practice Love.

And What Love is, again? Love is not in what your say, love is not even in what you feel. Love is in what YOU DO. When you do something nice to other people, that’s WHAT LOVE is. That’s a very meaningful church sermon that I remember until today. So much that we talk about love, finally that particular Rev. Father put it in the simplest words. So don’t say that you love until you are willing to show it in action.

I want to take this chance to thank the ALMIGHTY LORD for everything that I have. I thank Him because through the years, I have learnt so much about appreciating my loved ones. I might not do enough, but I know I’m getting there. I also want to thank Him because He gives me this heart. I can feel people’s love and affection for me. I can stop and stay thank you because I might be a very weak person, but suddenly my weaknesses don’t matter anymore because my loved ones will still love and accept me regardless who I am. I also want to say my infinite gratefulness because of the opportunities that life gives me to expand my little hands. Lord gives me the way to use my gifts. Lord, I might ask too much from You sometimes. You have been very patient with me. But if I have one thing that makes You happy, please show it to me through Your help and guidance during my times of trouble. And Please…if I deserve only a little blessing, I would want to share it with the people I love. Please use half of my blessing to lighten and ease their troubled heart when they face difficulties cos I don’t want them to be weaker than I am. I hope I don’t ask for too much.

Merry Christmas Everyone. Yes, we all need an excuse to do something nice. If that’s the case, I don’t think Christ will mind if we use Christmas as an excuse to finally show our love to one another. In fact…it’s all that He might ask for as a birthday gift. Happy Birthday Jesus Christ :)

God Bless Everyone.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Should I Wear That Cap Again?

Kemarin…si [256] buat hal. Hahahahaahahahaha. Sia janji with a friend to go KFC, so sia kena keluar ofis kejap. But sia a bit shy dengan my new hair. Hehehehehehe. So sia nampak tu cap yang bergantung, then I pakai la.

Nda pernah2 ba si [256] pakai cap. Tiba2 kemarin pandai pakai cap. Dorang pikir sia saja mau tukar angin mau dekat2 Xmas ni. Padahal manada. Sia punya perasaan sakit jiwa terhadap rambut sia tu terlalu kuat sampaikan sia rasa if orang rasa keganjilan tengok sia pakai cap tu, cuma perkara kecil ja. Heheheheheehehehe. I feel so kejanggalan also ba. Macam kin rimas tul pakai tu cap. *Lols.

Then sia jalan kan, terjumpa tu staff2 yang sedang berbual. Then I smiled la sama dorang. One of them said, “Wahh cantik kamu hari ni.” Then I senyum kambing only. Sia nda peduli apa dorang cakap. Dorang puji ikhlas ka, dorang nda ikhlas ka…sia tul2 nda peduli. Dorang tidak tau…I was trying to cover my hair. Hahahahahahahaha. So anything other than orang cakap pasal my hair, still sounds good to my ears. Or maybe dorang actually puji my hair yang cuba sia tapuk tu. Kita sama2 nda tau. Hehehehehe.

Then…masa sia jalan tu, tiba2 one of my bros called me. Aiks…heran sia. Rupanya dia ternampak sia dari jauh so dia pikir sia mau join dorang jalan. Duii… sempat2 lagi ba sia kedapatan in that cap. Punya kelucuan sia. Senyum2 ja my bro tinguk penampilan sia yang lain sikit masa tu. Hehehehehehehehe. Mimang dia hairan bin ajaib juga tu ooo. Nda pernah2 pakai cap ni baa… Hahahahaahahahahaha. Sia tahan hati ja. I told them sia nda mau join cos I want to meet my friend di seberang jalan.

Then dari jauh lagi I saw my friend, I made that signal, pointing at my cap and laughed. I know dia hairan, so I awal2 kasitau yang, “I know u hairan” *Lols. “Uiks…tiba2 pakai cap ahh ni hari?” Heheheheehheehehehhehehe.

Then sia cakap. “My hair ba!!!” Dia cakap, “Why your hair?” I said, “Like Alien!!” Hahahaahahahahahahahahahaa

Then sampai di tempat keja sia, kami duduk and I opened the cap. Cuba tinguk betul2 ba my hair, macam alien ka?” Hahahahaahahhahaha. Dia tinguk betul2 and buat that face… “No laa!! Manada oo.” “True bah?” Nahhh…So, apa macam?

Should I wear that cap again? Hehehehehehe.

I don’t need your answer. Cos I WILL wear that cap again. I have to. Hehehehehe. It doesn’t matter if my friend said my hair doesn’t look like alien, but I still feel like that. Hehehehehehehe.

NOTE: “Yang kau pi buat rambut mcm alien tu apa pasal?”Soalan Baguss!!!…sia nda mau jawab tu. Give me that freaking cap!!!! (Hahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahaha) P/S- To all the Christians, Happy Christmas Eve...Don't forget to go sembayang tonite ahh...muahsss all...Wish semua happy2 dan baik2 saja k... :))

"256, Stop Beating Around The Bushes!!"

Erkss!!

Okay! Hahahaahahahaha. I have to write this spontaneously. To all my readers, don’t u just wish that you could just ASK ME what I mean behind every post that I wrote? I mean, if you are the type who expect me to spell out everything, you gonna score bad grade, I tell ya!!

YES!! YOU GOT ME RIGHT! I use too much flowery language (or wuteva you call it *Lols) and some of my readers had to read over and over again just to find out – “Apa ba point si 256 ni ah?” Arrgggh!!! /me pasik pipi kamurang satu2!!!

Hahahahahaahahahahaha.

Dari hari tu, si Ken told me. I read itu post sampai 4 kali, masih tidak tau apa meaning dia. Adoii?? Nokotigog my heart la like this. Hahahahahaahahahahaha. And then, yg lagi kin geram…my post yang kemarin tu pun, dorang cakap adalah berkaitan dengan KERETA!! Sia mau ketawa pun susah, mau marah pun susah…apa2 pun susah!! Hahahahahaahahaha.

But sia mengaku one thing la. Post One Is Better Than Two tu is far from done. Sia betul2 wish I have that time to sit and kupas abis2 tu issue, but sia teda masa. Dan sia nda mau my regulars visit balik2 dan teda benda mau dibaca. Itu pengorbanan sia terhadap kamu tu guys…*Lols. Jan kamurang nda menghargai pengorbanan sia tu ahh…Sampaikan dorang pikir itu post berkaitan dengan kereta – pun tetap sia terima seadanya ba.. Hahahahahahahahahaaha.

Memang silap my language terlalu berbunga. Memang in real life pun, my closefriends cakap sia memang jenis orang yang suka pakai perumpamaan. Mimang paning la kalau orang nda biasa dengan style percakapan sia ni. But if you ask me, Can you just go straight to the point? My answer is – Boleh, I can do that. But bahasa berbunga sia itulah kelebihan sia ba guys, so apa macam? Hehehehehehe. U guys sanggup melihat sia mempersia-siakan kelebihan sia ini kah??? Doiiiiiii jaat kamurang woooooooooooo… Hahahahahahaahahaha. /me pingsan tawa

Apa pun…sia rasa nice juga la cos ada readers sia yang ada peluang untuk mengadu hal ni dengan sia. If not…ibaratnya sia main langgar ja tu dinding tanpa sia sedar ada yang terhimpit di timbunan dinding2 tu kan… (Nahhh…mula lagi. Hahahahahahahahahaha) Yang post “Maybe It’s Just Destiny…” tu pun sebenarnya tergantung. Heehehehehe…Sorry guys…sia ni kadang2 pikir kamurang ni semua asal dari Kryptonite ba. So story yang nda berapa lengkap tu, kamurang pandai2 la lengkapkan sendiri kunu. Rupanya Tidak. Kamu rupanya bukan sodara seipar si Clark Kent. (/me berabis tawa sampai runtuh tu dinding suma)

Bah…I try my best to kurangkan bunga2 dan banyakkan daun-daunannya pula lagi banyak oksigen di keliling kita. Hehehehehe. Thanks ah guys… lurve you all.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

One Is Better Than Two

If you have one car, you know you will take care of it with all your heart. But after that, you have another car, do you still think you will love and care for your first car the same? Aha!! DON’T FREAKING LIE to me with saying Yes cos the answer is definitely No!!

I have asked this to my ex long before and we almost argued because he claimed that Yes, he would love all this cars. Easier said than done. But my point is, whether or not he still loves and care for the first car when he has another one to take care of? Of course, it’s humane to be greedy. My ex claimed he would still love all his cars. Of course he would. Cos having more than one cars actually feeding the greed in having more materials. But the point is, whether or not he still loves every car the same? It’s impossible. Usually he will have one favourite and doesn’t care much about the rest. That is a Wastage of affection, don’t you think?

I tell you why I think so. Because when I have one thing that I like so much, I will not divide my attention. So I can experience the real feeling of giving the best attention and care towards it. When I have another one, which could be better, I couldn’t help but like the new one better. And even if I know I’m losing touch with the first one, I couldn’t help it. I would just give in though there’s a little regret in my heart that “I wish I could love them all the same”. You get my point?

It’s no use to curse why you have to be that way because it’s a human nature, but you can do something so that it won’t steal something from you. To me, I prefer to give everything to one thing and not give anything to the second and after that. Because not only that I can give my one and only, the best I can offer, but I also feel that it’s the best it should be. I can experience and savour it so much because my focus is only on one thing. When I start to have another and then another, that feeling of “sticking to one” is gone. You start to feel disoriented and lose your focus. It’s whether you can still love all of them just so-so, or you would not love any of them at all. It’s because you can’t focus which to love more or less.

Of course it’s good to have more. But in this case where I question about whether or not you can love each of them fair and square, that one I really doubt. So you apply this in other aspect of your life too. Sometimes you become that “one thing”, sometimes you become that “second thing” that steal the attention from the first, and sometimes you become the person who experiences that you can’t never love two things the same.

It applies in anything especially when the “thing” involved is some being who has feelings. When the thing knows how to demand for attention but you fail to give it just because you have other things to divide your attention. Maybe you will understand if you become that Thing that has to suffer from a divided attention just because someone is a little greedy and thinks that he/she can still love 2 things the same.

That's why I said...

Sometimes...

1 is really better than 2 :)

Monday, December 21, 2009

"You've Changed Me"

A few days ago, I had a talk with a guyfriend. Out of nowhere, he brought up this matter. He said to me that, “I think I’ve changed.” And the way he said it, he was happy with the changes. Then I remember asking, “In what way?” He said he couldn’t explain.

Though I was curious to know in what way that he thought he has changed, but it was the least that I thought it has anything to do with me. Until he finally said,

“It’s you that changed me.”

That’s the sweetest part. *giggles.

I don’t know if he knows what I feel when he said something like that. So because I didn’t recall telling him, so I’m telling now.

I associate with people at the level that I’m comfortable with. You can’t say that I try very hard or I don’t try at all – to make a friendship work. It’s always just as much as I’m capable of giving. You want to talk, I talk if I have the time. You want ears, I’ll lend mine. You want to discuss something, I’ll sit down and discuss with you if I can spare some time for it. It’s always about how much we can freely give way to the other person for friendship. So from this, you know that I can’t be trying too hard to be Miss Friendship in someone else’s eyes. I also have my day job, I also need my rest, and I also have my problems to take care of. I can’t dedicate myself to be the best friend my friend could wish for. I can only do so much at my level best. So knowing that I have all that limitation and still someone thinks that I am a lot more than just a passer-by in a friendship, I feel so honoured. I feel like although how hopeless or helpless I feel sometimes, who would have guessed that actually I do matter to some people. If some people could still think of me, miss me or even remembering my little ways – then I ask myself – if people can appreciate me, how far hopeless or helpless that I could become? Suddenly it’s another reason for me to love myself.

Then when it comes to the question when people get inspired by you, to the extent that they think they change to better because of you, imagine how rewarding is that.

It’s after all, what being friends should be right? We make each other a better person. If you can put that as an aim, imagine what world would we make.

Now I agree all over again that it’s sometimes through our friends’ eyes that we can see what a worthy human being we are.

I might not see what my problems make me. I might not see what my bitter experiences teach me. I might not see if crying over something does give me something else more than pain and sadness – but finally it’s a friend that would tell me that all those makes me a better Friend…as a reflection that I am now a better person because I have survived the hardship. And surely stronger to survive many more in the future.

Keep changing for the better, my dear friends :)

Christmas Spirit Is Here!

If you have problems with getting the Christmas mood, maybe you should just go and look for it! :)

The Demanding Girlfriend

I remember talking to my bestfriend when she was caught in triangle love between two men. One man was a special boyfriend and the other one was an old classmate who always had a crush on her. My friend was in love with her boyfriend, and the other guyfriend was showing a lot of affection to my friend since college years. My friend knew that the guyfriend still put hopes on her.

My friend was one example of a very demanding girlfriend, I must say. It was actually the first time that I heard a lady speaks of how firmly she wanted to be treated as a special girlfriend. Because the boyfriend was working in Peninsular, my friend was always accompanied by the guyfriend who would do anything to win her heart. I could say that my friend was starting to have “a second thought” especially when the boyfriend didn’t care much about special occasions. The other guy was gradually winning her attention.

I remember hearing her commenting on her situation. I remember feeling a bit suspicious about my friend’s stand. I mean, her boyfriend might not be there all the way, but since he was the boyfriend, she shouldn’t just simply punish him for that. It shouldn’t be an easy excuse for my friend to just change her heart.

“I don’t know what’s with him. Even if he’s far, he must at least send me a flower or maybe fly here to surprise me – Do Anything just as long as he does something to show me that he cares. He Must Keep Me Excited if he wants me to stay. He cannot stop “trying” when he’s already my boyfriend. He must still do something to let me know that I’m special”

Then I thought, “Wow…that’s very demanding!”

My friend said that when she told that to the boyfriend, the boyfriend answered, “Don’t hope for special treatments from me. I’m not good with that.”

Guess what? She wasn’t kidding. She really dumped her boyfriend not long after for the old classmate who could provide her with all the “excitements” that she wanted. Finally she didn’t mind picking “an easy catch” to a big jaws…just as long as the guy is willing to put extra effort to show her that he cares.

Another female friend spoke to me. She was another case. She has boyfriends all over the place. I tell you, I think I should learn from them. *Lols. She told me, she has a condition for every guy who wants to be her boyfriend. “He MUST call or sms me EVERYDAY.” If he misses a day or two with an excuse, I would forgive. But if it reaches one week without call or sms, automatically he’s not my boyfriend anymore.”

Then again, I was, “Ahh? Ouch!”

Oh well, That’s Very Demanding. Hahaahahaha Most of these ladies who are fit to be called A Demanding Girlfriend are usually those who are “the ladies on demand” where at least 2 men are craving for their love. So no wonder they become that demanding right?

Or else…maybe we don’t need to be popular to be demanding. Maybe this is exactly what we should do, don’t you think so?

To the men…don’t you think we, as the most special lady in your life, should demand for a special treatment from you? Don’t you think when you are late you should explain to us why? Don’t you think you should feel guilty when you don’t return our call or reply our sms? Don’t you think you should soft-talk us when there’s something that you want to speak to us, even if it’s the simplest matter of “don’t wear that dress in public”? Don’t you think we deserve more respect, that you can’t simply raise your voice and accuse us doing something we don’t do? I mean, the way you do things to other people, don’t you think we deserve to be treated slightly better? If we sulk or pout, don’t you think you should do something to coax us and make us smile again and tell us that everything is not as bad as we thought? Isn’t being your special girlfriend is an enough reason to demand for all that?

Then after this, hopefully you don’t complain to us why we ask for too much. As a matter of fact, I don’t think we ask for too much. We deserve to be asking it all to begin with. If we can’t even ask to be treated more special than normal, what’s the point of being the most special lady in your life?

Fair enough? *giggles.

Note: Treat Your Girlfriend Good, Ok?

Friday, December 18, 2009

Last Minutes Wonders

You guys have to say farewell to this skin cos I’m going to change it to a new one for Christmas mood. You will see the skin again unless I change my mind. Hehehehe.

The other day my big bro asked me about CALENDAR. I said, “Eh, did I promise to make a calendar kah?” He said, nope I didn’t promise but he remembered my gift from last year. You guys remember the sexy brainy calendar that I put here as a gift to my blog readers? Ahaa…that one. Omigawd, my bro still remember it. Isn’t it sweet? *Lols (And why the heck was I surprised that Ulal remember the calendar packed with hot ladies? Hahahahaahahahahaha)

Okay, I’m going to make a new one. Looks like it’s going to pack with sexy ladies also – unless I change my mind. Hehehehehe. I find out that the improvement for me this year is that I take less time to do something. I don’t engage myself in long hours to produce a good work. I learn that it’s not about how long I take. It’s how accurate I do things at the time. Like I said, people don’t care how long I spend doing something. It’s the result that matters to them.

Anyway, it’s not that simple though. I have to squeeze my brain for an idea that works. I remember when I made a birthday page for my big bro for his birthday last August…I was planning to do the page for weeks, but I couldn’t come up with a point that makes my idea juices flowing. Like I have so many things and they were all not cool enough. And when the day was so near, like the next day, then I had to push myself to write that page. But surprisingly, last minute pressure has its own wonder too. Suddenly I hit all the right “note” and my fingers just danced on the keyboard and put all the pouring ideas into words. And then, I had not enough time to do a nice picture for that page, and I came to the office and start doing something with the picture and then – I came up with a nice trophy for my bro. *giggles. Oh yeah that’s a nice one I’m sure. Hahahahahaahaha.

Look…this is what I’m going to do. Since that it’s hard for my new readers to keep track to my older posts, I will make a new post with the highlights of the BEST POSTS I have made this year. So I will provide a link so you guys can just click and go to that older posts and see which are the posts that give the most affect to me. Well, you guys know that a passionate writer like me usually care more about what matters to me and then I can only hope the best that you guys like the topics that I write. Yeah, sometimes my posts are prolonged and exaggerated too much (like I mention all the not-so-important details) and it gives most of us the headache you don’t appreciate. (Hahahahahaahahahahahaha). But isn’t it great? I mean, I feel great because I practice Full Power as the owner of this blog that I can even talk to the wall and ceiling, and feel great about it. (Hahahaahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahhahaa) Ok, just kidding :PP

So wait until my next update, okay?

Note: I’m facing a problem with my “Christmas mood” this year. I have too much things bothering my mind. Actually, I pity myself because of this. I don’t even prepare anything for Christmas this year. This is a big mental challenge for me to overcome, right? *Sighs. Like it’s anything new right? Wish me luck.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

"Explain That Feeling..."

Feelings are complicated. And Strange too. Sometimes, you can only feel something and not able to put it into words. Or are feelings actually NOT meant to be described by words? I mean, if feelings are meant to be described by words, why not everything we feel can be explained in the best possible meaning using our best vocabulary?

This always happened. Even back in schooldays. There was this boy who I didn’t care so much about. I always knew he was one of my classmates. Not famous enough to be a favourite of any girl that time. But suddenly when someone came to us, telling us that the boy just moved to another school, I was shocked. I felt sad inside. “At least he should have said farewell to the rest,” I thought. I couldn’t explain why would I stop and felt heavy for someone I didn’t even care so much to know about.

I remember, back in college. My room was just beside my friend’s room. A friend whom I didn’t like that much. I knew that she was dating a new guy. Although I could name you many reasons why I didn’t like her as so much, but I felt so down when I saw that her room was dark. I knew that she must be spending time with the new boyfriend, but I didn’t care why she wasn’t there. I just wanted to see the light from her room so that I knew she was there. I just thought that it made me feel a little happier with the knowledge that she was there, doing something in her room. I couldn’t explain that feeling. Strange right?

Let’s say, you and your guyfriend. When you think that just because you guys are just friends, you can’t feel jealous when he’s going out with other girl, you might be wrong. It happens a lot. You can’t see the other person as more than a friend, but yet you still feel jealous when your friend is dating someone else. This becomes normal the longer you live. But when you learn that someone feels jealous, does that mean the person have feelings for you? Aha, that might be the popular belief. But I personally don’t think so. Sometimes we know the boundary of our friendship, and we are clear about it, but still we feel jealous when each of us starts dating. Or do you still believe that this awkward feeling tells you something that “you try to deny that you feel more” for the person? I don’t know. Maybe that’s also not accurate.

I talked to my big brother yesterday. We sensed that even both of us also experienced something like that. We felt a bit of awkward when we learn about each other’s encounter with different girl/guy. Like although we know that we love each other as brother and sister (and we mean it), but why do we feel that way? I remember when I pouted when my bro replied my sms late and he told me he was having a guys-nite-out with his friends. I disliked the feeling. And then when I saw my bro was joking with other girls, I pouted like a little girl. When I asked him about this lady friend of his, and he said he forgot, I pouted again as if I thought he purposely didn’t want to tell me. I still felt that way even though I was currently engaging myself in a courtship with another guy. It’s fair though. My bro also felt the same way. When I was making friends with some new guys, and talked about how sweet a guy was, and how cute he was, and what they did for me, I somehow sensed some uneasiness in him. He admitted it. I asked him, “Why is that? Can you explain that?” He said, “It’s normal.” I asked because want to find reasoning behind this. Then we found the answer. It could be the answer. I suggested, “Could it be because we feel like we are losing each other?” Then he said, “Yes~!! That’s the word. The feeling of losing.” My bro has a perfect happy family and still he feels like something is missing when he learns that I’m dating a new guy, and even though I always let him know that I love him. Strange right?

Maybe this is just about us being humans. As long as we have feelings, we will always have something happening in our heart although we can’t always explain why. Maybe something more is hiding beneath that, or maybe not. Wow…isn’t that complicated? But we have to accept the fact that feelings don’t always necessarily mean hate, love, angry jealous…to mention a few. I think there are empty spaces in between these feelings that we human don’t have the proper words for. So if you can’t explain why you are feeling a certain feeling, just accept it that it’s normal. Maybe it’s true that not everything is meant to be explained with words. It’s just meant to be the inhabitant of our heart. They come and they go. All we do is just let it happen, and if it’s going to do something to us, make sure it’s anything but a bad thing :)

Note: A note to Kennedy, 16th December 2009 – this was your offday. Remember that. It was a sweet offday to remember I hope. *Lols

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Are You A Victim Of Trend?

Have you ever liked a song because it’s a song that your friends play and dance along with when you guys hang out together?

Have you ever learnt a dance just because it’s a dance that they will usually do during a wedding event?

Have you ever gone to watch a movie just because everybody talks about it?

Have you ever bought a Body glove t-shirt with the striking colour that you don’t like just because the winners for a shuffle competition wear it?

Have you ever visited a saloon and get your hair a digital perm and red dye just because you saw a lot of ladies wearing that hairstyle?

And what about that butterfly tattoo on your upper breast? Are you sure you have always wanted a tattoo if it were not because you know some celebrities do that?

What about the pc that you buy? The restaurant that you usually go for lunch? Or the perfume that you wear? And your handphone model? The cosmetic brand that for your makeups?

If it’s always because “someone else” do it/wear it/use it, before you decide to do or wear it, Ahaa…you could be so much of a trend follower. Or should I say, A Victim Of Trend?

Beware…It could be more ridiculous than what you think. You never know if you find yourself pushing your way to a stage where a bunch of performers are playing loud music, you got drown in the crowd but you fought your way to get a comfortable place to stand and enjoy the show and then pushed some smaller people out of the way so that you can get the autograph of the lead singer – as if you were one of the die-hard fans. But actually…it all made me you feel stupid in the end because you didn’t know what the heck got into you – cos you can’t even name a freaking reason why you think the guys are cool enough for you to waste 2 hours, sweating and shouting during the gig. At the end of the day, you realize that you let yourself be part of the frenzy just because other people are doing it too. So, what do you feel now? Is this worth it?

Then…isn’t it scary to find out that what gets you tired all this while is actually because you have been following trends here and there? Isn’t that TireSome?

What’s with this Trend-Victim thing actually? Don’t you guys wonder what’s with human beings that makes some of us really just let themselves be a follower to a trend without really knowing if it actually serves the best of their interest?

Aha…A funny question that I want to ask you. Since that you are reading this in my blog…are you sure that the blog you are reading daily isn’t part of this Trend thing? I mean, just because your friends like a certain blog and think the blog is supercool, then you feel left behind if you don’t join the hype. Because whenever you guys go for a get-together, everyone will talk about the blog. So, you want to have a say too. Then without you knowing, this is actually the reason why you have been following a certain blog that you follow now. Ouch? Funny, isn’t it? Hehehehehe

But a trend like this, that involves reading and broadening your knowledge and info, won’t do you harm. That’s the good thing about being a victim of a Good trend. *Lols.

Another thing…what do you think IF…you are THAT TREND subject itself? Yup, you heard me right. I thought of this last nite. I talked to one of my readers why the heck he seemed to be so fired up to “get access” to me and he said, he likes something that’s hard to get so it’s like just following the rest of the people who have been so curious about my real identity. It’s like – Let’s join this hype of finding out who Twofivesix[256] is. Oh my. Gotta be freaking kidding me.

This is nothing new to me. I have faced this since a year ago, when I started joining the chatroom. This guy was the first one who got my phone number, begged me to mms my picture. He did everything so that he could talk me down to send my picture, so he e-mailed me his. Since that he’s also known and one Unknown figure in the chatroom, he made me feel like it’s an honour for him to give me that advantage. So out of my crazy mind (or maybe not *Lols), I mms-ed him my picture. He told me, “Do you know how much bet I could have won by getting this picture of yours?”

Then I went, “Whattt???”

“If we guys made a bet who got [256]’s picture the first, I could be a few hundreds richer. That’s not included who got your number first.”

This guy actually saw this as “a game” of who’s a better talker? DAMN IT.

Suddenly I felt stupid because I thought these people want to make friends with me sincerely. Or maybe they are sincere but still this catching game is part of the thrill. I mean, I don’t want to learn another online friend I make, make all the efforts to know me, just because – “cos everyone seems to be curious about you. I’m just being part of this little adventure of getting an access to you.”

Don’t you guys ever think what I would feel????

And if I find out something like this, do you think I will give you way so that you could win yourself freaking bet or wager? NO WAY.

I don’t appreciate friendships like that. Earn it.

But anyway…if my blog has ever gained benefit from this Trend-Victim thing, I’d say why not. *giggles. It must take a hell lot of energy and time to follow this blog because of the heavy topics. I KNOW…so I want to say thanks for being sweet. Hehehehe. Maybe, being a trend follower isn’t all bad. But first, watch what trend you are following. Fair enough? :)

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Oh That's Tickling!

“I Do Care For You My Old Ones, But…”

Suddenly isu warga emas di kalangan keluarga kita ni timbul di celah-celah kesibukan orang bercakap pasal macam2 hal dunia yang nda berkesudahan selagi jantung masih berdegup.

Biasalah kita sebagai manusia, kita akan concern pasal how long we gonna live, and how healthy we are as long as we live. Yup…Hayat and Health. Semua orang tau, hidup ni cuma sementara. I remember this one line from Kyle XY, Why are you guys celebrating birthday when it’s actually another year nearer to death? Ouch. Reality bites. But inilah satu fact hidup yang nobody can deny. You can deny that this earth is actually round, but no one can deny that every living thing will eventually die. Walaupun begitu, tiada rules yang cakap bahawa kau hanya akan tinggalkan hidup ni semasa kau sudah tua. Mungkin juga ajal orang masa dia masih kecil or baru lahir, but kepada mereka yang panjang usia ni, what else can we say? Mereka sudah melalui hidup yang panjang, dan sekarang adalah tempoh dorang akan slow down cos energy dorang semakin kurang, keupayaan fizikal dorang pun semakin lemah, begitu juga dengan minda, kebolehan berkomunikasi dan berinteraksi dengan orang…semua ni akan menurun dengan banyaknya.

Siapalah yang tidak sayang dorang ni? Dorang ni mungkin boleh jadi ibu bapa kita, datuk nenek kita or saudara mara kita yang kita sayang. Menjadi warga emas is something that we will go through when we live long enough. Biarpun dorang tua, tapi kita tetap sangat sayang dengan dorang. Kita mau dorang hidup lagi panjang dan kalau buli, sampai kita tua pun kita harap dorang masih lagi hidup dan sihat.

Zaman sekarang, product health and beauty adalah product terlaris, I can say. Sebab manusia mau hidup lama, dan dorang mau preserve their youth, kalau buli, umur 60 , 70 tahun masih lagi cantik dan macho. Dan apa lagi di zaman yg banyak penyakit ni, apa saja jenis ubat yang dikatakan mujarab, semua pun orang mau try. Biar la kikis tu duit di bank. Yang penting kesihatan tu yang paling utama. Okay…then we go into the real issue. Mungkin ada di antara kita yang melalui kesukaran untuk membuat keputusan berkaitan dengan “pengorbanan” yang kita perlu buat untuk warga emas kesayangan kita.

Last nite, I received SMS from a goodfriend. “[256], cuba dulu kau check 1 juta tu ada berapa kosong?” Then sia takajut dengan SMS macam tu daripada kawan sia yang memang kerja dia adalah ajar Maths sama budak2 sekolah. Hahahahahahahaahhaha. Biar betul. Nda payah pikir2 panjang, sia SMS dia balik, “ 1 juta got 7 digits, so got 6 zeros.” Then she said to me, “Mati la sia ni!! Sia kena buat loan sebanyak 1 juta untuk menampung ubat bapa sia. Macamana sia mau buat loan begitu banyak???” Then sia takajut ni ba. Alaalalalaalala. Dia cakap abang2 dan kakak dia yang suruh dia buat tu loan sebab dia ja belum ada tanggungan. Logik kah? Then sia SMS her back. “Uii banyak ba tu. Bagus kau pikir betul2 la.” If personal loan RM100k pun, dia kena pay back more than RM1k permonth. “Betul2 I cannot plan for my own life ohh macam ni,” she said to me. Terus sia sangat simpati dengan my goodfriend tu, sebab everytime jumpa dia, dia mesti cakap orang asyik minta duit dengan dia ja. She said, “Sia sudah pun pikir masak2 ni, tapi memang ubat bapa sia tu mahal. Memang dia minum ubat tu sekarang. Kena bayar cash lagi tu.” Then sia pun timbang2 juga situasi dia, so sia tidak mau suka2 nasihat nda tentu2, then sia cakap la macam ni…

“If your heart is that big, to fund your dad punya medication, wang ringgit tu apa juga ba tu kan?”

What do you guys expect me to say? Sia tidak buli cakap sama dia yang bagus lagi dia simpan tu duit dia dan bina hidup dia, daripada dia hutang macam tu hanya untuk bayar ubat bapa dia. Apapun, sia tetap percaya, byk lagi ubat yang mampu dibeli yang boleh ubat macam2 penyakit. That's why sia rasa biarpun kita sayang dengan warga emas kita tu, kita mesti juga pakai otak. Kena realistic juga. Jangan sampai sendiri yang susah nda bertempat. Tapi macam kejam pula kan? Mentang2 la bapa dia sudah tua, then anak2 pun cakap, “Alaa…ubat macamana pun, sama juga ba tu. Tiada juga orang yg buli hidup sampai bila2.” Emmm…Reality bites.

Macam juga kes adik beradik saudara sia ni. Mom dorang ni memang tua sudah. Teda penyakit kronik, cuma sebab sudah tua, so asyik terlantar di katil and wheelchair. Dia tidak mau makan nasi or anything. Just air. Jadi memang dia jadi sangat kurus. So bila baru2 tu ada orang jual dorang ubat harga beribu-ribu – yang kununnya boleh kasi sihat apa juga jenis kesakitan pada badan, one of them ni suggest yg dorang beli ubat tu untuk mom dorang yang sudah tua tu. But yang suggest ni pun bukan mau keluar duit, dia tukang cakap ja. Yang dia harap keluar duit tu adalah abang dorang. So si abang ni mengeluhlah… “Bukan sia tidak mau beli ni ubat2 semua…tapi si mama tu sudah memang sakit tua ba. Apa ubat pun bukan buli kasi bagus dia.” Betul juga. Kadang2 kita pun serba salah orang tuduh kita ni kedekut or berkira duit, tapi kalau cakap pasal product ni, sampai tahun depan pun tidak habis cerita. Tapi ubat tu tidak akan buat mama dorang tu muda balik dan dapat balik semua hormon dan tenaga dia yang buatkan hidup dia betul2 sihat balik. Keadaan dia sekarang adalah berpunca daripada “lumrah kejadian manusia” yang akan menjadi tua selepas muda. Jadi no freaking medicine can reverse that, true or not?

If kamu dalam situasi tu, adakah kamu akan tetap berhabis wang ringgit untuk buat hati kamu tenang dan selesa bahawa “at least I’ve done everything I can” dan dengan tu, u tidak akan menyesal if warga emas tu akhirnya meninggalkan kamu. Or should we just be realistic about the reality of life that every living thing will die? So dalam keadaan hidup kita yang perlu bercongak dengan kewangan masa depan sendiri yang masih samar2, and at the same time sayang dengan warga emas yang berada di bawah tanggungjawab kita, kita cuma buat apa yang logic, spend at certain amount yang reasonable – and leave the rest to God?

I don’t know. Cakap pasal ni saja pun rasa begitu payah kan? Seolah2 ditelan mati emak, diluah mati bapa. Maybe masing2 punya kes, situasi dan penilaian kan? Mungkin betul ada kejadian alam yang kita tidak boleh stop, but maybe lagi ngam if kita tukar focus kita kepada perkara yang berada di dalam kemampuan kita. Iaitu…focus kita bukan kita mau hidup selamanya…Tapi kita mau mampu untuk jadi sebahagia mungkin selagi kita masih ada kehidupan ini. Maybe we should concentrate more on a happier life, rather than macamana make sure kita masih hidup umur 100 tahun. Come to think about it…most rational people don’t want to live that long :) They just want a happier and meaningful life. :)

Lord, bless our old ones.

“Don’t Steal My Ideas, He said”

Are you in the field that you got scared people steal your ideas? Actually, it’s not just about ideas, but also other things like machines and equipments that help you to make money.

Sia ada sorang kawan ni yang mengadu dengan sia hari tu. Since he has a photo studio, so asset dia is his camera, printer, backdrops and other things yang berkaitan dengan how to he makes his products better than competitors. Sia faham apa dia rasa bila competitors dia datang and tanya, “What printer you use?”

Just because he was freaked out that they know about his printer, dia sanggup angkut2 printer dia pulang rumah. I mean, mimang inilah yang kita buat untuk dapatkan ketenangan fikiran. Nanti kalau org tau, silap2 dorang tiru pula kan? Nanti kalau org tau dia pakai printer apa, for sure dorang pun boleh hasilkan result yg sama. Itu yang dia takut. Nasib baik printer dia tu portable. Macamana pun kalau printer dia tu besar yang perlu dua, tiga orang angkat sekali? Hehehehehee.

And then, dia cakap pasal camera dia pula. Printer dia boleh tapuk, tapi macamana dengan camera? Memang dia tidak dapat tapuk, sebab tu yang dia guna untuk ambil gambar. But then dia cakap, “I’m not worried people see my camera. Cos what they see is only my camera. They won’t know perkara2 details yang I set with my camera to produce pictures yang bagus.”

Ahaa…finally!!! That’s what I was about to tell him. Hal2 equipment ni, apa juga. Dia boleh beli benda yang sama. Tapi percaya atau tidak, belum tentu dia akan hasilkan product yang sama bagusnya. Dia buli curi idea tu, but still result tidak sama bah. Dulu sia pun pernah jadi macam dia. Sia worry mau bagitau orang apa barang yang sia guna untuk produce my work. For example, when they saw my graphics…they asked me, Eh [256], apa kau guna untuk buat ni graphics semua?” Dulu sia pun ragu2 mau bagitau. Tapi sekarang tidak lagi. Tapi sia bagitau juga. Dorang pikir sia main2, sebab sia list at least 3 software. *Lols. Ui, ketara abis la si [256] ni nda mau kastau. Hehehehe.

Actually, apa la ba juga kalau setakat mau kasitau orang apa yang kita guna untuk buat certain work. Sebab benda2 tu semua memerlukan skill. And then, dia kena ada citarasa yang ngam dengan kerja yang mau dihasilkan. And then, kerja2 yang memerlukan creativity ni bukan senang ba. Bukan u can simply main tiru2 orang.and then buat another duplicate of the work.

I went to satu computer course on a tough multimedia subject. Kami kena ajar guna satu software untuk buat animation. Semua yang dia ajar ikut tutorial ja. Macamana mau kasi gerak object A ke B. Itu ja yang dia ajar kami. How to buat the movement cantik dan kemas, itu dia tidak mampu ajar kami. Sebab ini adalah manipulation of the software only. If you know the basic of how to use the timeframe, you can buat macam2 benda. Asal you tau basic ja. I bet yang tukang ajar kami tu pun tidak la tau sangat macamana mau buat. Dia cuma ajar ikut teori saja. Then, bila kami check kerja kawan kami sorang ni, dengan teori begitu pun dia sudah mampu buat satu animation katun berjalan dengan smooth sekali. Memang mengagumkan. Imagine, satu kelas tu diajar benda yang sama, tapi bukan semua dapat buat animation. Ada yang langsung nda tau apa benda. So, if you pikir betul2, it’s the same out there. Kita punya talent, kemahiran, kecepatan minda ni tidak sama. Idea pun tidak sama. Kalau orang curi idea kita, apa kau mau risau? “Kilang” penghasilan idea tu masih bekerja dengan baik ba, iaitu otak kamu, diri kamu!

Ada orang suka menyanyi, tapi bila dia menyanyi, langsung tidak ngam tune. Padahal kalau orang tanya dia, dia dengan berapi-api cakap yang dia minat menyanyi. It’s sometimes like that. Sometimes minat kita tidak selari dengan kebolehan kita. So memang kamu akan excel dengan bagusnya kalau kamu berkebolehan dalam bidang yang kamu minat. So kalau kamu berbakat dalam bidang yg kamu minat, lagilah susah untuk orang beat kamu. Sebab bukan semua org berada field yang ngam dengan kebolehan dorang. So…berbalik kepada persoalan di atas… No need la to freak out berlebih-lebihan takut orang curi your idea, sebab perjalanan masih jauh lagi untuk meniru keja kamu. Sia yakin hasil tangan kita memang berbeza. Unless dorang ciplak your work bulat2 and tulis signature there. Even if that happens pun, benda tu semua sementara ja ba. Orang yg buli tiru kerja kita ni bukan senang mau jumpa. Itupun kalau dia teda kehidupan untuk dihidupi, then maybe dia akan ada banyak masa untuk truly imitate hasil kerja kita.

Sia teringat satu masa dulu. I did a work for an organization. It’s mostly about designs. Tapi my work is to modify the whole thing. So everything sia buat dari scratch. Teda yang sia main ambil dari kerja orang. Since that I have a little bit of skill for that, sia pun buat la. Then dorang plan mau assign someone else to do the maintenance just in case of any update or changes, but mimang I cannot commit my time for that. So dorang hired someone else to take care of that. So…sia sure dorang hire a person yg bukan alang2. But then, sia pun tekejut dorang masih datang tempat sia tanya, “[256], mana kau dapat itu material untuk your design hari tu?” Sia tepikir kejap la. Baru sia ingat, since that sia buat semua dari scratch, memang ada payah sikit kalau someone else mau modify. Tapi dorang insist juga untuk guna apa yg ada. Jadi, the next time sia tinguk tu benda kan, sia senyum geli hati bila nampak “kecacatan” yang dibuat oleh orang baru tu bila dia cuba modify my original work. But sia nampak juga kehandalan itu orang sebab I knew “he tried his best”. *Lols. Kalau tu benda bukan keja sia, maybe sia nda akan sedar. Di sana la sia terpikir something. Kerja orang lain ni, biarpun camana pun u bagus, tetap akan cacat if you tried to make it looks like yours.

And pernah juga I was concerned – if anybody use any of my work and claim sama urg yang tu kerja dorang – apa perasaan sia? Well, if orang dapat outcome yg bagus, mungkin dorang akan diminta produce something like that, but for sure, dorang tidak akan dapat buat. Maybe I still win cos even berapa banyak hasil kerja sia kana ciplak or kena curi, tapi selagi sia masih hidup, sia akan boleh produce lagi banyak benda mcm tu, dan mungkin lebih baik lagi. Tapi palis2 la if something goes wrong with blogspot and tiba2 my post yang sudah 300 lebih ni hilang. Sia rasa sia akan paning selama 1 bulan, sia akan merajuk sama ni blogspot selama 1 tahun dan sia akan mogok tidak mau blogging lagi at least 10 tahun – dan mungkin ada maju sikit tu business panadol actifast tu masa. Hahahahahahahahaha. Kidding!! Touchwood…palis2!!!!

Apa pun…kalau boleh buat sendiri, buat la sendiri. Jan buat someone else tidak tidur malam pikir periuk nasi dorang kana curi oleh orang yg mau shortcut. Nanti sia2 you punya kepala otak nda kana guna. The feeling bila u achieve something because of your own sweat…is Very different and indescribable. You should try it :)

Monday, December 14, 2009

"I Still Love You"

Semalam, ada sorang kawan perempuan sia ni SMS sia. Semalam tu adalah hari pernikahan jejaka idaman dia. Dia sempat lagi ada affair dengan that guy a few months ago. Masing2 ada tunang. So gara2 terikat dengan komitment masing2, byk hati yg mau dijaga, akhirnya dorang terpaksa cuba lepaskan sesama sendiri.

Masing2 sayang menyayangi…spent time together, and then had to let each other go. Ini semua gara2 lelaki tu yg nda cukup satu. Pegi goda tunang orang, sedangkan sendiri pun sudah bertunang. And then…mula la menyalahkan takdir. Well, sometimes memang silap sendiri kan?

So semalam, lelaki tu finally bernikah sama tunang dia yang dia lebih dulu jumpa daripada kawan sia ni. Dorang masih sempat cakap di telefon. Cara dorang ni, seolah-olah yang lelaki tu mau “jalan” sudah. *Lols. You guys sedar that? Kadang2 perkahwinan orang yang kita sayang-but-we-can’t-be-together-with, seolah-olah adalah Noktah. Almost like, A Goodbye, pergi yang nda akan balik2 lagi. Hahahaahahaha. Lucu pula.

So dorang ni sempat juga la bercakap di phone dan mengucapkan “kata2 akhir” sebelum yang si lelaki tu akad nikah. Sia paham apa kawan sia rasa. Dia bagitau sia dia menangis juga sebab teringat balik semua kenangan dorang. Dan yang buat dia tambah sayu, the guy sempat cakap, “I Still Love You.”

Doiii???

Hahaahahahahahaha. Okay [256], don’t be rude. I know the guy, I know the girl. So I know apa cerita dorang ni. Sia ada reason untuk ketawa kalau sia dengar benda2 macam tu keluar dari mulut lelaki tu. Lelaki tu buaya darat gigi tembaga ba guys. Hahahahaahaha. Ayat2 cinta tu semua macam teda ja sama dia. Dia suka2 ja main tabur2 like that…sedangkan perempuan yg dengar tu bukan main lagi sampai nda tidur malam. Sedangkan dia mau nikah sudah pun dia masih lagi cakap benda tu dengan perempuan lain. Ada nilai ka love tu sama dia ni?You guys know apa sia cakap dengan kawan sia?

“Sia pun buli cakap ba macam tu!! Lagi hebat punya pun sia buli cakap. Apa juga, setakat cakap. Budak kici pun buli.” (Hahaahahahahahahahahaha)

Sia geram sebab kawan sia ni nda pandai serik2. Sudah pun dia tau tu lelaki playboy, masih lagi dia nda serik. InilaH kalau hati sudah suka. Memang payah. My question is…

Kalau cinta sayang setakat di mulut, apa juga kan? Kalau kau betul2 cinta, dari awal u fight for it ba. Both pun belum kawin masa jumpa dulu. Semuanya belum terlambat pun. But nothing changed juga. Still juga that guy hanya tau cakap manis ja. Untuk kasi pujuk hati kawan sia tu, dia cakap dia mau buat kawan sia jadi bini number dua. Suka2 ja cakap kan. Sudah2 la drama ni semua.

Apa pun…mungkin sia tidak patut cakap macam tu. Sepa tau dalam hati dorang tu kan? Come to think about it…Marriage ni belum pun ending kepada cerita dorang ni ba. Though sia tidak sokong kecurangan rumah tangga, but it won’t change anything, right? Kalau orang mau curang, dia still akan curang, right? So rasa lucu pula bila dorang cakap macam seolah-olah lelaki tu mau jalan yg nda akan balik2 lagi. Heheheehehe. Seolah-olah itu adalah phonecall yg terakhir. Padahal…lepas tu akad nikah pun dia masih boleh dial number tu perempuan and sambung cerita! Hahahahahahaha.

My point is… semuanya ada pada hati ba. Daripada apa yang kita tengok berlaku di dunia sekarang ni, pertunangan, perkahwinan, dan semua ikatan2 ni, looks like makeover pula. Semua mekap2 saja. Dalam hati tu lain. Kalau dia kawin berapa puluh kali pun, kalau hati tidak jujur mau cinta pasangan, kejadiannya tetap sama. Maybe we should kurangkan cerita2 ni.

Try to be with the one who you love and loves you, The Most.

Mungkin harap2 kita ble kembalikan the sacredness of wedding vows ni kan. :)

Note: So u heard someone saying “I still love you” to you on his wedding day? Freaking kidding me. Who cares what you say. It’s about what you do. Biar la cinta dia sebesar mana, but look – he’s marrying someone else. So u guys pikir la sendiri. Don’t toy too much with feelings ba. Sudah2 la tu.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Maybe It's Just Destiny...

You guys percaya sama takdir and ketentuan? It means perkara2 yang sudah ditentukan sejak azali. Something yang kita tidak mampu ubah even macamana pun kita wish kita boleh ubah.

It can be tough to understand. Sometimes you’re using your ultimate wisdom to see and calculate that yes, this sure gonna work. Science must work. Reasoning must work. If everything is in place, IT SHOULD WORK! Isn’t that how it works around here? If we have enough reasons for something to happen, plus with the right circumstances, it Must happen right then and there.

Tapi bolehkah kalau sia cakap, semua reasoning dianggap void kalau something memang sudah ditakdirkan? Ada benda2 yang memang kita tidak dapat ubah. Dan sekiranya something like that bump into our lives, dan it’s put in a position that it’s going to hurt us very badly, at least you know that this is what they call Ketentuan. This something is nothing new. This isn’t passed by the aliens from Mars the last nite when they landed secretly in your backyard. This is here even before we were born. So this is not just happen to teach you a lesson that You’ve been bad, this is your punishment. Nope. I believe that if you call that takdir, it doesn’t matter if you have committed your whole life for other people’s welfare, cos if it’s written in your destiny that this gonna happen, it will happen.

I remember when my boyfriend (now my ex) was so nice to me. He was so kind and loyal. His every day was dedicated to me. Like every morning when he woke up, he must talk to me first and before he went to bed, he must also talked to me and then only he considered his day complete. I became The Purpose in his everyday’s life. Everything he did, he always included me. If he talked to his workmates, he talked about me. When he saw a customer coming that has pretty much my resemblance, he thought of me. It was such a devotion. From this devotion alone, you know this guy did his level best to dedicate his life, his heart – for the only girl that he loved. From how he loved his girlfriend, he deserved to get the best respect any girl could ever give to a man. It was almost not found in this age of infidelity. So…does it take a genius to say, that this man deserves many good things in his life – but if life wasn’t generous enough, then at least, this man deserved to get the same affection from his girlfriend, agree?

I, as his girlfriend that time…what was I doing? Knowing that I have a boyfriend like that, don’t you think it’s like an answered prayer? I bet any girl would want to be in my place. He might not be so rich, but he was very good looking, he was very gentle and he was the kind of man who would stop and greet you, or help you with your stuff even if he didn’t know you. In other words, you don’t have to be his girlfriend to know that he’s very courteous and warm. But, it might be too much if we say that he deserved a place in heaven, but can I say that nobody would deny if he at least deserved to be Loved by me, just as much? He has been proving his worth. Not only to me, but to the people around him. So, using all our calculation, humanity virtues and theories of “what you give, you get back” – don’t you think AT LEAST he deserved to be loved that much too by his girlfriend? Yeah, it was like that.

Look at me that time. I wasn’t a bad girl at all. I could say that I was born to be loyal to my man. I never gave myself the option to have wandering eyes. For me, once I gave my word, I will keep it. That’s what I thought. I thought my parents thought me enough how to tell good from bad. And even if I failed as a learner, at least I was not stupid enough to not know that a guy like him was hard to find. Given the circumstances that I wasn’t demanded an extra sweat to love him – I should be in the right position to love him back. I give you guys enough reasoning how and why things should be as what we both planned. To be in love and fight our ways to prove that we were each other’s soulmate.

Yup people. Who would have guessed, even that was NOT good enough to Rewrite the destiny. Nothing is ever good enough to create a new version of destiny that we request. Because as most of us have accepted, Destiny is written before our lives even begin to unfold. So you can kill someone, or you can even kill yourself – to protest why Destiny is written in such a way that hurt you, but there’s nothing we can do about it. Because it’s written in destiny that he and I were not meant to be, suddenly life was giving me the excuse to stray from our mission. Suddenly life had pushed me to another direction so that I could start living that destiny. You thought I was insane to know that I shouldn’t betray my boyfriend? You thought I was heartless? No I wasn’t. But like I always tell you, life has a way to tell us when things are not meant to be.

Before I knew, I was in love with a new guy without the knowledge of the loving boyfriend. You thought I was a bad person? No I wasn’t. You thought I was purposely trying to fall in love with a new guy that has all the better qualities? You are wrong. My good judgment told me that this new guy wasn’t anything near my boyfriend. I could still name in many ways why my boyfriend was better than the new guy, but since this is Destiny, I could strangle or hang myself to near death, but still, you could not make me love my boyfriend back – even after you present to me all the reasoning you can list using your science theory.

My heart was crushed because THIS WASN’T HOW it should be. I knew it too. Something really screwed up because my good judgment told me I should be with my boyfriend, but WHY was I there, experiencing a totally greater experience being in love with a new guy without the knowledge of my boyfriend? So you know, I don’t care what logic you are using, but what I know my body and mind was in the opposite direction of what that logic could be.

So I recalled one nite, when both elements were claiming right over my body, I thought I almost exploded because I could not understand my action. “Why should I be in this situation? I could have been peacefully in love with my boyfriend.” And then I cried so so hard trying to express “My Frustration” because I knew it was not right, but it was still what I thought was the best for me to do. I thought that if I used only my humanly good judgment, I wouldn’t be there. But then I realized. I could only try so hard to do what’s best, but we don’t live totally on our good judgment alone. Sometimes the forces of nature do take part in this and our humanly weaknesses are sometimes just an excuse for some unexplained decision that we take. Destiny is that powerful.

I write all this, just to let you guys realize that when you fought so hard for something that you thought you deserve, and still you were not good enough to get it, this could be the act of Destiny. It’s not because you’re not good enough, it’s not because you have been bad before and karma is getting back at you, and it’s not because of all that…

Please don’t lose your battle if this happens to you. To be fair, something much greater is about to take place in your life, so something less good has to go. Just put it that way. I saw it happened to someone before, so I know if it could be a little too painful, but you’ll be thankful that it happened. Before you know, Destiny is written in way that God knows what’s best for you.

Or at least, that’s what I tell myself. Cos I can choose to grieve, I can choose to blame, I can choose to curse – but what for? Then I just find the magical purpose behind that Destiny. You guys should too.

Be Strong. And Trust in a greater power up there – He knows what He’s doing. :)

Saturday, December 12, 2009

The Lucky Catching Game!!!

This is the interesting result of my, what do you call that, inaccessibility? Hahahaha

Yesterday, I logged in to IRC, my usual schedule. Usually, I log in to IRC just in the middle of updating my blog or surfing for some materials. It’s very seldom that I log in to IRC just for the sake of chatting. That’s why you guys often see me left the room in a hurry.

Yesterday was VERY INTERESTING. The chatters who know me, know that I only join one channel and I don’t go online all the time— So it’s TOUGH to catch me. Especially when you don’t join the channel that I join! I usually online at different times, and then I leave before you come. Yes, if you have the intention to catch me when you also have your dayjob to do, it is INDEED tough to catch me. Actually, since I posted the post The Value Of A Man –which I could consider among the most controversial posts so far – I received feedbacks from various sources. I remember, among them were IRC memos from the chatters I never knew. I was skeptical when I saw new nicks because these nicks never chatted with me. I didn’t know if they were some regular chatters in different nicks. I should be skeptical for many different reasons. Some chatters have used funny ways to dig something from me. So I was not so generous with answering memos from people I don’t know.

Luckily, yesterday I finally joined as Twofivesix[256], my main nick…which is something that I don’t usually do. I always joined as [brb] or [256] .Suddenly, before I even join the channel, I got a Ping from a chatter with the nick that memo-ed me before. And out of nowhere, he got into my private message even before I got to click a channel to join…It’s like…Wowww… It’s like as fast as a lightning and thunder. Hahahahahahahaha. I was like, How The Heck??

He told me that he has 6th and 7th sense – the 6th sense is to take yesterday as offday, and the 7th sense is to wake up early because [256] would go online by 9.34 AM so he needed to get ready early to catch me. Hahahahaahahahahahahahaha. And finally, he caught me – Now that’s lucky or what?? Hehehehehe. (Yeah, nice theory on the 6th and 7th sense – with 2 extras from normal people, are you really blessed or just greedy? Hahahahahahahaha :P)

1) He never chatted with me or saw me around because he doesn’t join the only channel I join.

2) He only learnt about my nick and blog from another friend, who is also a blogger/chatter who never chatted with me. (Thanks Wilder :))

3) This guy is So So So Hyper!! My fingers finally found a match! Hahahahahaha. Chatting with him, making me “the silent [256]” because I barely got my chance to type. He typed so fast and he posed so many questions I didn’t know which to answer first!!! Hahahahahahaha. I had to say, Hold on..Stop those fingers!!! Let me speak!!! Hahahahahaahahahahahahahahhahahahahaha.

4) He surely used all his flesh and bones to squeeze details from me. He asked all the questions other chatters were shy to ask me. I almost screamed, “You’re lazy! Others would wait by my blog to find something new about me and you are here asking these info for free!!” Hahahahahahahahaha. Erkss… Okay, I might not say that exactly. :PP He said, “No, you’re lokek!!!” Why, thank you!!!

This chatter makes me laugh so so hard because he was so funny. But one interesting thing from all this is – even how inaccessible I am, people could find the way to catch me, using very limited resources. That’s why I think it’s so funny. I remember the other chatter (also my blog reader and a chatter friend) who e-mailed told me that he has to wait 6 days to get my reply to his first email. And now, this chatter who caught me yesterday, who used memo to talk to me, said to me, he has to wait 1 week for my next reply to his memo. And he said I was mean because the last memo he sent, didn’t get a reply. All this made me laugh so so hard. The funny thing is, these guys actually use A LOT of numbers. I mean, they actually do the counting!! That’s so sweet!! Hahahahaha

What are you guys trying to tell me? Am I that hard to catch? Whatever it is, it’s not done purposely, okay? Hehehehehehe…I feel that all the efforts are sooo soo sweettttt. I mean it. I mean, I have readers who follow my blog everyday, and click my blog a few times a day to see updates, you guys think I don’t know? Hahahahaha. I put an invisible visitor tracker in this blog, so the first thing that I checked was the hit counter. I can know which blog you guys come from, what’s your browser, how long you stay and your returning visit. I appreciate it so much, when chatter like Wines, he actually remembers the lines that I used in this blog. He sometimes used it in his Away/Leave message, and nobody knows it except him and I, because I know it was taken from my blog.

I don’t know what else to say!! I can say that I am surrounded by the coolest people around here. Thanks for accepting me a friend, a blogger , and thanks for accepting me to be part of this community, despite my inaccessibility. When I went into Facebook (using my big bro’s account) and saw the other chatters were joking and laughing, commenting pictures, I felt so LEFT OUT. But still, when I join the chatroom, most of them still treat me so nicely as if I were there all the way. Thanks ahh guys… (Please note that when I use “guys”, it means both girls and guys – it’s just the way people call everyone in general…please take note ya…hehehe). Sia yang kecil dan tidak dikenali ni pun, ada juga ruang di kalangan u guys. Thanks so so much…muahss muahss muahss muahss… hehehehe.

I appreciate it…from the bottom of my heart. :)

Thanks :)

NOTE: Don’t do the catching game too often, you guys are going to give me a heart attack. *Lols. You want to talk to me, you have my blog, you have my e-mail, you have my memo – and you don’t have to appear as lightning and thunder again or steal someone else’s senses to give you another 2 extra senses. Hahahahahaahahahahahahahaahahaha, Oh myy…I lurveee ya people. Muahssss.

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