“Duit Boleh Dicari Tapi…”

I have a little situation just now. I asked a jobless friend to do something for me since everyone else in my department was busy with something. If I were to do it myself, it would take the whole sleepless night for me. The job was simple, but it became tough because of the time constraint. I was being selfish because I did not want to engage in the petty stuff since I have more important thing to do, so I called a friend who needed extra income. I actually paid for the work prior to handling it to her.

She came this morning, and said to me she finished it all in one night. She woke up at 4 AM just to continue with the work. She was concerned about my deadline too. And she even asked her family members to help her out. She came to the office bringing all the work, I noticed that the job that she did in 1 night, was not even half from what we both could do in all the day hours. She must have doubled her intensity, and not to mention that she got lack of sleep and even injury, stress and anything – just to complete the task for me. While she was out to take her lunch, I was thinking again, Have I paid for that hardwork? Of course I remember. I did pay for it already. But the little voice inside me saying that…what I paid was NOTHING compared to what she did. I could never complete the task, I would still be pressured by counting every minutes that pass. I suddenly realize that, yeah, it could be a simple work that anyone could do, but not anyone would do it, especially with the little amount of money. I thought that “I should pay her more.” Maybe the amount that I paid for her was enough for the kind of work but something was not feeling right. She deserved more. 

This is what I did.

When she came back, I took out my wallet and pulled out a few notes and put it on the table near her. She saw it and I noticed she was surprised because she knew I have paid the day before but I pretended I FORGOT that I have paid her. She always know that I am a person who has my mind all over different stuff so I might overlook things – in the worst case scenario I could possibly forgot to pay or even pay double – I mean, Yeah, Thanks that I could make people think that I could be that careless. Hehe. Anyway, she did not say to me that, “Eh 256, I thought you have paid me yesterday?” Of course she didn’t dare to say it because I know she needed the money and yet she knew the effort that she did was beyond any amount, especially when she made it on time. She helped me to make it on time. My evil side told me that I could spend the money on something else. I didn’t have to double pay her since she put such a low value to her energy and time. I mean, from our other conversations, I learned that she didn’t expect to get paid much.

Then my angelic side told me that…Whatever that I have paid her, I could earn it all back. It wasn’t even a lot. The commitment that someone showed, and how I appreciate a friend who did something for me, it was beyond any value. I could underpay her and get away with it, and I officially take advantage from someone who is less fortunate than me. So my angelic side won. I paid with a light heart. She deserved it. Money is just money. It’s NOTHING compared to the good bond between humans; especially friends. If I want to find the right time to be kind and nice, THIS IS THE TIME. I do it to the deserving friend. Like people said, “Duit Boleh Dicari…” Life is just temporary. Money is not our master. If we have a little more than others, we share it. It might not be much, but the little joy that we bring to them, will go a long way. One day we might be the one in need, and we understand that the good conscience in someone in my position now, means A LOT. And that day, you know that you would be saying, “Only God could repay her.” The heaven must be smiling. :))

Would You Lie For Your Friends?

Maybe it’s a question of friendship, integrity and principle – but would you lie for your friends when you can save someone else from trouble? When the truth can help others be more cautious?

Would you lie for your friends just to let them continue doing their bad actions and intentions towards other people you know?

Would you close your eyes on their misconducts?

Would you carry on misleading other people about your friends just because you deny the truth that you know about them because you want to prove how trustworthy you are?

If you can save someone else from a mess by telling the truth about your friends, would you still pick your friendship over saving someone?

Does friendship mean you will be by your friends’ side even when they are committing a crime?

I’m just curious. If you have your answer already, IMAGINE you are the person who can be saved from the mess if only someone speaks the truth about his/her particular friend. Do you still want them to pick friendship rather than saving you?

People backstab each other everyday. Even families, even relatives, and now we are talking about friends. Why people always find the wrong reason to do something? The bad people backstab their friends to see them fall. If people really have to find a reason to backstab their own friends, then maybe they finally find a virtuous reason to do it. I’m not suggesting that you betray your own friends, but if it’s for a good cause, maybe you should think again. :)

Thanks For Being That TeddyBear

I finally downloaded Yahoo Messenger last nite, which happened to be the request of this new IRC friend. I used to receive requests like that but I always ignore them. Maybe I was trying to keep the distance so that I don’t get too close with my IRC friends because that’s my unwritten policy about separating online and offline world. I think it’s just the way I do it but my intention is always good. Finally after more than a year trying to deny the chances to know some IRC friends closer, I finally gave in. I said, Let’s do it!

Maybe some of you who go online and bumped into new friends never actually believe that online friends can really be taken to the real world. I always believe that friendships can form in many different ways and cyberworld is just different in terms of approach but it’s still human beings who are playing the part as the friend. In my situation now, I am SO LUCKY because even after showing my reluctance, some people never stop trying to make friends with me. I FEEL SO SO LUCKY. I might ignore them, avoid them and making it hard for them to know me more, but the fact is that…they are the ones who ARE THERE for me when I’m in need of a friend. I feel so touched thinking that who would have guessed these people saved me from loneliness and sadness. They were the friends who told me no matter how much I have ignored them, they would not give up easily on me. Suddenly I feel like my fate is giving me a slap of reality – I never know they could be the ones who are there for me when I need most of a friend. Yes, it’s not the friends who I spend so much times nourishing friendships with, or the friends who I spent laughter with – instead, they are the friends I ignored and who I won’t pick to share my good moments with.

I could have cried in GRATEFULNESS because there are people who really would appreciate my friendships. And it’s just a painful truth when they may not be on top of my list, and they are there during my times of needs. If you ask me, what should I feel towards the friends who don’t appreciate my friendship? My answer is very simple. I don’t see WHY I should grieve, because now I see who are really worth it to get my friendship. Luckily, I am always appreciating these people’s presence, just that I didn’t give enough way, and now I know I should.

Thanks to all the friends who are there for me when I need them the most. Who never judge me for my wrongdoings, they always find the way to accept and understand, who will forgive me even I cancel a phonecall date in the last minute, who would call me immediately when I SMS that “I want to chit chat with you tonite” and who would stay up until midnite just to accompany me and make sure I go to sleep smiling. These people – they are not even the ones who I give priority to, or the ones I would call and say my first greeting in the morning, or get warm hug and kisses from me. BUT THEY ARE THERE WHEN I NEED THEM. This is among my biggest blessings in life. I want to thank God for giving me these people. Thanks for being patient with me, guys. I am just a normal human who makes mistakes and you guys tell me you won’t judge me for that. Thanks for reminding me that I should be thankful to be myself and I don’t have to be sad just for some ungrateful people who don’t know how to appreciate my presence in their lives.

A Big Warm Hug to you guys…THANKS for being there for me.

IRC & LoneLiness: Anything In Common?

I initiated a topic at the chatroom yesterday by asking them a question

“Why do people who have a good life still spend time on IRC frequent enough?”

I received many feedbacks from them.

One chatter said, “Life is not complete without going online for a day. It’s an addiction.”

Another chatter said, “It’s just a way to skip the normal way of socializing but still “hang out” with the friends.”

Then I repeated the question just to make sure they understand what I meant.

And the other chatter said, “If one goes to IRC, there’s no way that the person has a Life.”

Ouch?

Just want to share with you the interesting answers that I received from private messages from different chatters. They came out with answers like:

1. They want to flirt and having fun

2. They are looking for sexual pleasure (?)

3. They are looking for someone to commit infidelity with

4. They are just fooling around

5. They are taking a break from everyday’s life hassle

The answers like “Looking for real friendship” does sound like too old-school and some agreed that “There’s no way you can find true friendship in the cyberworld.”

I definitely disagree. If you look for one, you’ll find one. Two people with the same intention bump into each other, yes they can bring that friendship to reality. We have many living proofs even in this modern era. No more questions. It’s proven.

I realize that very few people would admit that they go to IRC because of Loneliness. They have their families, they have their friends and some even have spouse and lover, but still there’s an empty space inside them that are yet to be filled. Maybe IRC is just a way for them to see the chance if that empty space could be filled. I don’t know you. You figure out :)

A Fairytale Story-Teller That Never Was

Pernah dengar cerita cinta yang almost like a Fairytale? Wujudka Fairytale di alam reality?

Ada sorang customer-turns-friend yang selalu lepak2 sama sia. Dia ni Nampak sangat average. If orang2 yang judgmental memang akan bagi dia ni not-so-good review sebab her penampilan very sempoi dan quite selekeh actually. Dia ni suka juga cerita macam2. Sometimes her story memang a bit like “too good to be truth” but memang setakat yang sia dapat ingat dan dengar, almost all her stories memang tidak bertindih. So all that while sia memang No Prejudice dengan semua story2 dia, biarpun ada yang terlampau dasyat dia punya 18SG atau 18SX. Yang paling tragis cerita dia sendiri watch sexual harassment di lift yang berlaku kepada sister dia and how her sister was traumatized. Terlampau dramatic pula. Kalau satu kejadian saja, nda apa juga. Tapi terlalu banyak kejadian yang dikira overdose dan betul2 significant untuk diingat.

Actually being a good listener ni pun bukan senang. Sometimes sia pun terpikir juga adakah sia cuma buang masa dengar cerita dongeng dorang or memang some people ni betul2 ada life yang begitu dramatic macam satu storybook yang diolah dengan begitu menarik sekali. From her story, dia tidak juga tinggi diri. Bad experience dia diceritakan dengan begitu baik dan logic sekali. Her love stories pun mcm tu juga. Ada macam2 lelaki yang cuba approach dia and how she ends up dengan her husband now. Tapi memang dlm cerita berkaitan lelaki2 ni la yang bikin dia “kantoi” dengan sia tadi. Sia sudah catch satu point of story dia yang bercangggah. Sia geleng kepala ja. So, is she another compulsive fairytale narrator ka? Like it’s an illness to make up stories dengan orang2 yang tiada kepentingan pun untuk bagi her anything from the made-up fairytales. Can I ask again, WHY? I don’t understand.

Her lovestory was almost a fairytale cos the guy that she didn’t get to marry was like so crazy in love with her. Sampaikan dat guy sudah bawa her pegi ambil gambar kawin di Yes, I Do di Penampang. Dorang ambil pakej RM1999. Semuanya memang logic untuk setakat itu. Dia cakap that studio kasi hadiah dorang kek kawin dua tingkat lagi dan dorang makan berdua saja di tepi pantai. Sia belum pernah dengar ada studio pengantin yang kasi hadiah kek kawin dan terus bagi that kek lepas ambil gambar. And then, masa makan kek tu dat guy almost bawa dia pegi register kawin. Setau sia bukan u senang2 datang and register. But since dia nda mau, so dia kasi kawan sia ni cincin. Cincin Couple yang kalau disambung barulah bentuk Love tu lengkap. But biasanya masing2 simpan yang sebelah tu ba kan? But dia simpan dua2. Memang hairan. So di bahagian yg dia betul2 kantoi is when dia cakap pasal gambar kawin tu. Not fair juga dia simply reka cerita and waste my time dengar ba kan? Maybe her memory is quite good, but mine is better than hers. Dia lupa yang a few months back dia bagitau sia dia teda gambar kawin yang diambil di studio gara2 itu studio Everbest punya cameraman lupa pasang flash, so gambar dorang semua gelap. Dorang siap minta balik duit. I still remember her story time tu sebab I asked her if dorang ada take pic studio for wedding package. So she was trying to tell me yang dorang ada pegi ambil but gambar tu rosak. She didn’t say “We don’t have the budget”. Nevermind. But tadi, bila dia sebut pasal sudah ambil wedding shots tu dengan her old lover yang she didn’t get to marry, she suddenly sambung that cerita yang kununnya masa dia kawin dengan husband dia tu, that cameraman terkejut tengok muka dia datang untuk ambil gambar di studio tu lagi, tapi dengan lelaki yg berbeza. Dia terpaksa bisik2 dengan that cameraman yang lelaki yg lama tu bukan husband dia. And dia sempat lagi suruh dorang kasi masuk gambar dorang yang kena display dalam album sample. Sebelum husband dia tu Nampak. Nahh…sense the mistake?? Ertinya dia just claim yang dorang take pic di Yes I Do juga!! Sedangkan a few months back dia cakap dorang ambil di EverBest yang kununnya gambar dorang rosak. Patutlah sia heran kenapa professional punya photographer boleh lupa pasang light? Kalau pun lupa, mesti nice juga tu cuma lighting effect ja yang berbeza. Rupanya ni semua cerita rekaan saja dari mula lagi . Kalau sudah cakap pasal rekaan, confirm la itu tiang studio pun dia cakap runtuh masa sedang2 ambil gambar. Aduiiii….WHYYYY??

Sia sudah pernah nampak ILLNESS yang macam ni. SIa pernah ada kawan seorang yang Obsessed with STEALING and then since 2 years ago sia ada kenal dengan the single mother yang Obsessed with LYING. Dorang punya obsession ni memang sangat strange. Yang si pencuri tu akan mencuri biarpun dia tidak berada dalam kesempitan. Dan yang menipu tu akan kasi twist cerita biarpun dengan orang2 yang tiada kepentingan pun dalam penipuan tu. And then this one lagi satu Fairytale story-teller yang tidak pun memerlukan impression yang baik dari sia, yang cuma seorang yang dia baru kenal. Whoa… Kalau sia mau tanya, Kenapa obsession yang pelik macam ni boleh wujud? Adakah yang boleh jawab?

Daripada sia pening2kan kepala, bagus sia jaga hal tepi kain sia ja. Memang manusia ni betul2 pelik. Kita sebagai orang yang deal dengan dorang ni, kena pandai buat apa yang patut supaya obsession dorang tidak menyusahkan kita cos kalau mau harap kita kasi betul dorang, kita sendiri pun belum tentu lagi terlepas dengan Obsession yang pelik2 macam tu. So senang cakap macam ni sajalah…Masing2 pandai cari bahagia. Jangan sampai menyusahkah orang lain dan disusahkan oleh orang lain cukuplah.

NOTE: Yang Si Fairytale Story Teller tadi ni sebenarnya sudah wasted my time juga but sia halalkan saja lah. Siok juga ba tu macam dengar cerita fairytale sekali sekala kan. Hahahaahahahaahaha.

“That’s Not My Problem”

Ini adalah satu line yang selalu sia dengar when ada dua orang bercakap tentang hal2 yang berkaitan dengan compromise or anything like that. The last time when I heard one person used it to speak to the other person, “Wow..rudenya!” Seolah2 orang yang bercakap tu betul2 tidak berhati perut, tidak mau tolerate even sikit pun. That was what I thought back then. But Not Anymore. Hehehe.

Sekarang ni, bila sendiri sudah rasa macamana hidup di dunia sebenar yang tidak lari daripada keperluan untuk deal dengan orang lain…sedar tidak sedar, kau sendiri pun mungkin akan guna juga that line. Biasalah dalam dunia business or anything, memang hutang sewa ni perkara biasa. Sewa ni memang bikin pening kepala. Silap2 business u turun sikit, semua untung diguna untuk bayar sewa ja. So memang biasalah banyak business tutup pun gara2 nda tahan dengan sewa ofis/kedai. Yesterday, ada sorang kenalan yang menghadapi masalah sama gara2 dapat penyewa yang tidak berhemah. Sia sendiri tidak sangka yang penyewa premis dia tu sebenarnya ada masalah dengan payment sewa bulanan.

So yesterday, kenalan sia ni mula lah buka cerita. Wah…daripada seorang perempuan yang cakap lembut dan baik, rupa-rupanya dia pun bertukar jadi harimau bila sudah berdepan dengan konflik penyewa yang tidak menepati janji. Dia bagitau penyewa dia tu sudah tangguh sewa selama 4 bulan dan asyik cakap mau bayar, tapi tidak juga bayar. Dia sendiri pun sebenarnya menyewa premis tu daripada pemilik sebenar premis tu. So daripada cadangan dia mau mengurangkan beban mau bayar premis tu, dia kasi sewa setengah dan just bahagia dua saja sewa tu tanpa mark up sikit pun. Tapi ini pula jadinya. So dia mau halau pun susah, dia tidak mau halau pun susah. Di sini la sia terpikir – adakah penyewa yang bermasalah tu sebenarnya memang seorang yang tidak jujur sebab dia make money from using the premis, tapi tidak mau bayar sewa. Or memang pun dia memang tidak dapat make that much money yang enough untuk cover sewa dan belanja lain?

Kenalan sia ni pun sebenarnya sudah cukup baik hati. Dia dengar juga masalah penyewa dia tu yang kununnya mau tunggu loan approve dan macam2 lagi. But loan yang dia tunggu tu pun tidak approve, so nda pasal2 hutang yang beribu-ribu tu tidak tau macamana dia mau bayar. So memang bengang habis my kenalan ni. “ If you kena dengan orang lain, memang u kena halau keluar sudah. Ini sudah cukup bagus sia kasi u bisnes sini biarpun 4 bulan belum bayar. If u tidak mampu, u tutup sajalah ini saloon. Banyak lagi orang lain yang mau ini tempat. Kalau sia kasi sewa RM2 ribu pun dorang sanggup punya.” – Ha…that’s among the things yang dia bagitau sia how she talked to penyewa dia yang merupakan someone yang dia kenal quite lama juga. So si penyewa ni pun mula la bagitau problem dia itu ini – memang rumit juga situasi dia. Macam nasib dia nda berapa bagus. Sudah make effort pun sama juga tidak menjadi. So, how should my friend react? Ahaa…read the title again. Mestipun dia akan shout back, “That’s Not My Problem!!!”

Adakah kenalan sia tu jahat sebab cakap macam tu? Apa lagi bila dia bercakap dengan orang yang lama sudah dia kenal. Mana sudah perginya hati perut dia tu? But sekarang sia paham yang memang pun betul semua orang ada masalah sendiri. Kenalan sia tu cuma tau dia kena pay RM3 ribu satu bulan untuk premis dia tu, dan how untuk kasi maju business dia; which are already very susah and memeningkan. Now u present me your problems pula, yg merupakan addition to my existing problems? Is it the right time to be compassionate towards others when you have done all your best to take care of your own problems? Why can’t others do the same with their own problems?

So actually, it’s not that heartless to say it. I have people who said it to me before and I thought that it was cruel enough. But I think one day I’m going to say the same thing when I deal with difficult people. And more thing that I learn is that – I will NEVER list to others my problems and difficulties that don’t concerned them because They Are Right that It’s Really Not Their Problem. :)

Self-Isolation: You Do Need It

Last Monday, I went to the shopping mall near my bestfriend’s workplace and usually it was one of the rare chances that we grabbed to steal the time to meet and share updates on each other’s life. I didn’t plan to meet her for lunch because she’s always busy so I must be right on lunchtime to catch her. I texted her “What time you go lunch? I’m here now.” A question that I already knew the answer but was just trying my luck if she could sneak and go to lunch earlier. Stumbling with my own mind, “Ah, I don’t think we could make it today.” So I assumed I knew the answer. She didn’t reply. She never replied. Not in hours. Not in days. The 3rd day, then only she called. “I didn’t see your SMS!!! But it was opened! How come I didn’t realize that I opened the SMS and not read anything?”. I tried to explain to her that it was nothing. I knew it that she couldn’t make it because I couldn’t wait until her lunchtime so it makes no difference if she replied or not. I know she’s a very busy person. You never know when she goes outstation and to which district.

The nite before she called, an old friend (a Kelantanese)called me after many years of minding our own business. This friend currently working in KL and we have not met for many years since graduation. She is always remembered as one of our good buddies who shared tears and laughter since matriculation. So we talked all the fun stuff during the phone chat. She almost lost her Kelantan dialect. I could listen very clearly to her words. Unfortunately, she didn’t think the same with me. She begged me to slow on on talking cos she wasn’t familiar with Sabahan dialect anymore. I just carried on talking like she’s just another Sabahan friend. “You call me so you have to adapt to my language”, I thought. Hehehe. So finally she told me the reason she called is because she’s taking a vacation to Sabah this March. She told me about the hotel and others. I asked her if she has informed our other friend (my bestfriend) about it and she said Yes, I have informed her in Facebook. “But she never replied”. Could it be that she’s too busy and her FB account is inactive?” I knew the answer to her question. I always know my bestfriend is Never too busy with Facebook. I’m sure she visits her FB daily. It was when I had a thought about the unreplied SMS the other day. This is more than just her being too busy to not remember opening a text message and not knowing what’s written on it. It’s definitely not for her to overlook the Fb message sent by our Kelantanese friend. “Something is not going on well here,” I thought.

Maybe that explained why I didn’t blow it up. Her not replying a text message is a very small matter. But maybe when she finally came to her senses, then she called me and asked me the questions she should have known the answers to. And when I told her about our Kelantanese friend who called up, she made the sound like it was the first time hearing it. “Oh, she’s coming down?” But when I told her that the other friend has sent her a message in Fb asking her if she can make some time to be the tour guide when they arrive in KK, she said, “Oh ya….belum pula sia ter-reply dia.” So actually she remembered reading the message on Fb but didn’t do anything to reply it yet although it needs an urgent reply.

From her voice, I can sense that this isn’t as simple as she’s too busy. I knew right away that maybe not that she wasn’t thoughtful enough to us, but her little situation made her feel choked to even have the heart to answer the simplest question. I don’t know if I understand how it feels. But one thing for sure, I know that sometimes we need The Space for ourselves that we just want to take a break from anything and just have a quiet time of isolation. Suddenly you don’t want to say anything. Suddenly you don’t want to let people know anything. Suddenly you feel like you just need “nothing” to come in your mind because you just want a peace isolation. Yeah, sometimes life is giving us too much of what we think we can handle. Everything is just sucking your energy away. You need that space to regain yourself and get back all your senses together so people won’t notice the difference before and after the isolation. Yes, maybe I understand it. Maybe we all need that space sometimes. We need to pause and look back to ourselves whether or not we are still in the right track and so we don’t just get carried away with our silly emotion and end up hurting more people unintentionally.

Maybe I myself did that many times already. I just want my own space. Maybe we need the space to really get in touch back with ourselves. Yes, we may do funny things. Suddenly you don’t want to answer the call, you don’t want to talk to people and just mind your own business. But of course, don’t get carried away with that isolation because you need to reconnect back to reality and let the people know that you actually care for them. Maybe you would make many kind of excuses so that they don’t have to understand WHY you do it. But as what you can guess, I think I perfectly understand. That’s why when my bestfriend did that, I don’t make it harder for her. I keep saying, “It’s okay bah. “ She kept saying that she regretted not seeing the SMS because suddenly she felt like she missed the chance to hang out. Guess what? When you deal with something like this…Show them you understand that they might be having that isolation moment cos one day I’m sure you would wish people understand it when you have yours too. :)

"The Lost Sheep"

Everyone made a big mistake once in their lifetime. I believe in that. I once made that mistake too. It’s whether you took a decision that made you pay for the consequences or you’re just not lucky enough.

This new friend of mine worked with a new company for only 2 months but she could have written 2 books of curses for her new boss. Everytime she dropped by she would bring a new story about the boss, each time to add more to the bad reputation of the boss. She discovered every time a new “bad thing” that the boss has been committing. She said that all the workers hate the boss. He is taking advantage by taking workers who have problems with IC so that he could pay them low enough without risking that they would quit. He is technically sucking their blood, according to this friend. My friend who was not having any issues with IC or anything, got to ask for high salary because she could secure new businesses for the boss using her contacts from the old company. The boss initially agreed to pay commission to her sales. But when it was time to pay, he made a lot of excuses. From 10%, she was only given 4% because suddenly the boss changed the policy. My friend was dead furious at him. She also found out later that the customers also hate him. He sold second hand computers at high price and almost all the customers came back swearing at him because most of the pc failed to work or start even only after a few days. Some even asked for cash refund. She also found out that the boss was using someone else’s name on the trading license because he is not a Sabahan. The person whose name he used for the license made a report at the district council to bar the boss from renewing the old license. My friend said that it could be that the boss didn’t obey the verbal agreement between them about paying a sum of money to the person whose named used in the license. Not to mention how the boss’ old business was closed down because he couldn’t survive competitions. The new business he ventures in is also new to him and without my friend, he could barely secure a single customer. She said that when the boss was not in, they were all talking about how immoral he is. That was not even after they learnt that the boss registers a new company every time to run from income tax. My oh my!

Listening to her, it made me thinking, “This man is in BIG MESS!” I found my way to pity him. I mean, all the elements related to him are nothing but negative. The history has it that he quit his job as a government servant because “he couldn’t get the respect from his workmates”. I mean, this man’s life is full of problems. I, as a stranger, shouldn’t judge him. But it made me wondering. I thought that MAYBE the rest about him that my friend didn’t know about is all the good and angelic things. I don’t believe that anyone on this earth can be totally screwed up like that. I mean, it can’t be. Then during her last visit to my place, I asked my friend this question.

“U think adakah orang yang betul2 unfortunate sampaikan dia buat semuanya lurus dan baik saja, but still terima nasib mcm boss kau? Like kena benci oleh staff dan customers, business nda maju dan macam2 lagi. You think adakah orang macam tu?

Sia tanya dia soalan tu sebab MANA TAU yang maybe boss dia tu tidaklah sejahat mana. But dia just MALANG sampaikan semua benda yang dia buat pun tidak menjadi. Dia sudah baik2 pun still juga screwed up. Ada jugakah sampai mcm ni?

My friend said, “Mustahil. Kalau sudah sampai begitu, mesti pun orang itu tidak lurus, berniat jahat dan berhati busuk. Tidak mungkin kalau dia baik, dia akan kena macam tu.”

Maybe she’s right. But wait. Kalau kita tengok di sekeliling kita – ada mereka2 yang sentiasa menemui jalan buntu, like things always don’t work out for them. Memang semua benda nda menjadi. Sia terpikir, adakah dorang ni sudah try berhabis-habisan, dengan niat yang baik dan sudah pray to God, still dorang punya life macam tu? Wujud kah macam ni? Or memang semua orang yang dilanda nasib MALANG yang nda henti2 ni memang ada buat something yang tidak betul dalam hidup dorang yang menyebabkan dorang deserve untuk dapat nasib macam tu?

I have had 2 years of bad luck in my life years ago. I call it 2 years of bad luck cos things were all screwed up masa tu. Apa yang sia try, semua nda jadi. And the people around me were skeptical about myself. Like my situation was “the worst case scenario” that I could ever imagine happened to me. If I could name one time was to be called “My Downfall”, that 2 years must be called “My Worst Downfall”. So sia masih ingat macamana kekuatan mental yang paling penting. Semua orang yang berada di tempat sia masa tu mungkin could not survive the pressure. But when u asked me, Did I not try enough? Was I a bad person? I could answer you NO. But memang ada mistake yang sia buat yang menyebabkan I deserved it. I think that it’s true – kalau sia guna rules yang betul dari mula lagi, Life Can’ t be That Cruel to us. Unless we did something yang sambil lewa atau we took a decision out of selfishness – Yes, then only those decisions could echo back in the form of “bad luck”.

Sia tulis ni sebab it has been in my mind lately. Ada orang2 yang dekat dengan sia pun mungkin sedang melalui hal ni dalam hidup dorang sekarang, iaitu … semua element dalam hidup dorang seolah-olah menentang dorang. What I can say is that…Sia sudah lalui tu semua. I don’t know la kalau macam boss kawan sia tu. Maybe dia memang teruk or what. But untuk mereka2 yang rasa diri tu tidaklah sejahat mana but life is not in good flow for you now, mesti ada something yang u guys buat yang menyebabkan benda tu berlaku. The good news is…Ini semua bukan satu verdict untuk kita. It’s just a warning signal that WE NEED TO CHANGE back to our good ways and FIX the bad luck. Dalam kes boss kawan sia tu, sudah puas ikut jalan bengkang bengkok, then try pula ikut jalan lurus kali ni. Mesti lain sikit experience dia. Sepa tau mungkin baru dia sedar bahawa ikut jalan lurus ni jauh ni sebenarnya sangat tenang dan tidak banyak pening kepala. Come to think about it, I realize it even more now yang ini semua cuma satu proses pembelajaran. Don’t ask why some people have it easier than you. You never know maybe they sacrifice so much more than you have so far, to deserve that easy road. We make mistake and God gives us the way to fix it. I truly believe in that.

Each of us might experience being The Lost Sheep at least one time in our lives. Now that you know that you are not going to be lost forever, don’t you just want to find the way back home? :)

NOTE: You have no idea how many hearts will cry tears of joy just seeing you making your way back home. Don’t wait for the aid when you can start finding the way home now :)

The Big C and The Big D

We are all terrified to hear the Big C. The Big C refers to Cancer. People who are diagnosed with the Big C, is going to face the Big D very soon. That’s what people thought. The Big D stands for Death. The Big C is predicted to be the number one killer of the human race. Sepa sangka…sel2 dalam tubuh yang bekerja untuk kita ini akhirnya ada cara untuk bermusuh sesama sendiri dan memusnahkan “mereka2” yang baik. Dapatkah kita halang sel2 ini daripada merosakkan selebihnya sel2 baik yang bertungkus lumus buat badan kita sihat dan cergas buat aktiviti harian? It’s such a painful truth. Tidak cukup lagikah dengan hal2 di luar yang tidak mampu kita sentuh, melihat “kekotoran” dunia ini yang dipenuhi perjuangan yang sia-sia dan greediness yang menyesatkan. Omigawd….tidak cukup lagika? Bila2 masa kita tidak tau macamana any of this outside element could end our life in a second. Tidak cukup lagi dengan tu semua…rupanya diri kita sendiri pun bila2 saja akan berpaling tadah kan menamatkan riwayat hidup kita dengan tragis sekali.

I am a bit emotional when I write this. Yesterday, one of my goodfriends dropped by at my office and I told her about the bad news about one of our goodfriends. That friend’s husband is recently diagnosed with nose cancer. We all feel sorry for her. She has been the softest person among us but she’s blessed with a good life. Now life is turning its back on her. We get the news from someone else and not from her own mouth. Whether she thinks that it’s not that serious to share it with us, or she is just so affected by it that she rather not let many people know.

So when I told that friend who dropped by yesterday, she gave a different reaction. This friend is nothing new to the big C. She lost her mom from breast cancer years ago. So when I told her about the pitiful situation of our other friend whose husband diagnosed with nose cancer, she said, “It’s not that terrible. He could still recover. You never know.”

Even the Big C is not giving a clear view of HOW close it is to the Big D. According to her, breast cancer could run in her family cos her other aunt is also one sufferer. And surprisingly, her aunt is still alive until today. Her mom first discovered a small lump on the breast which was very early and it was considered only the 1st stage. You hear it so much from the TV that if you detect the disease at the early stage, your chance of recovery is almost 100%. But this is what happened to my friend’s mom. After the cancerous lump was removed, it came again silently after spreading to the chest area after only a few years of relief. And it was when things were not going better for her mom. Finally, her mom called to eternal rest after years of fight. Speaking of the aunt, who was only diagnosed with breast cancer at 4th stage, which my friend would refer her breast as “totally damaged”, which was given only 6 months to survive, is still around after 10 years suffering from it. The damaged breast was not even removed. She only visits the hospital for the monthly procedure. Yes, she is still very much with her normal life. She eats anything like healthy people. So my friend has a reason why she is not so alarmed talking about the Big C, cos the fact is…You Never Know how close you are to the Big D. You might not be that close and still have many years to live. You just never know.

But speaking of not having to deal with the Big C, don’t forget that the Big D is going to happen eventually. Then I told my friend… “Don’t you think these diseases are just excuses so that we don’t just die from sudden death?” Or maybe, it’s not even excuses at all. Actually, we need NO excuses at all. If it’s time, it will happen. The Big D doesn’t need an excuse or a reason. You can just sit there healthily and laughing and your life could be snatched from you in a split second. You never know.

I don’t know what to say. I just hope that we are given enough time to experience this life and to spend enough time with our loved ones and carry out our mission in this world. I just hope that The Big D isn’t so scary to us anymore– knowing that we are blessed so much with such a wonderful chance to be once be alive and that we have no regrets…Cos we have lived our life to the fullest. What are we waiting for, right?

We have so much things to do. We have a life and we must begin appreciating this biggest gift, NOW!! Do we have time to quit hoping because of our troubles? Do we have time to ruin other people’s lives out of jealousy and hatred and greed? Now you know how small these problems are when you think that Everything will come to an end once your have reached the end of your road.

Let’s start LIVING now, guys. We have a lot of jobs to do. :)

Note: The most interesting line that my friend said was, "It all depends on how badly do you want to stay alive. If you quit hoping, you'll lose the fight against anything that is trying to invade your body." Maybe that's the secret why the sick Aunt is still around despite late detection. Ask yourself. How badly do you want to be alive? Suddenly this is a lot more than just a The Big C and the Big D. Don't quit this fight to stay alive. Survive this till our last breathe.

Twofivesix[256] Going Green?

Hahahahaahaha…My oh my, what’s with the topic?

People always know that I’m not easy to get close to. But I think I have changed mode recently.

Recently I think I’m going Green a.k.a Mesra Alam (*Lols) cos I got a step closer to my online friends – maximizing my off-days with chatting with them on IRC and on the phone.(What?? Mesra Alam that has nothing to do with plants? *Lols) Although I don’t pick many names – but I’m sure I picked the most worthy ones. They are all nice guys. Hehehehe.

What makes me laugh so much is their maneuver to dig my details. I mean, after hours talking, maybe I look like I’m kinda generous with my neverending train-talk, but still maybe I think they hope I can be more generous than that. Hehehehehe.

I think last nite was a record-breaking in the history of phonecall-length that I ever received in many years. Hahaahahahahaahaha. I want to thank Wine for the long chat and I know that he tried so hard to stay awake and kept pace with my train-talk that he had to sip for tea and I even heard his mom questioning him about who he talked on the phone with. I’m smitten by the fact that Wine won’t end the conversation and I’m sure he waited hour by hour for me to finally say, Okaylah…I think we should end here, but it never happened. Hahahahaahahahahahahahahaha.

I have warned you guys that I am a Hyper talker and it must take really a big heart to stand talking and pretending to enjoy the conversation. *Lols.

Without IRC, I won’t know you guys. So knowing people like you from IRC is among the pleasant things that won’t make me regret all the times that I have spent online. It’s totally worth it.

You guys are all charming in your own way. Definitely worth it for me to go Mesra Alam once in a while. Who knows this can contribute to the betterment of the ozone layer for our mother nature. Hahahaahahahahahahahahahaha. So Twofivesix[256] going Mesra Alam again? I don’t think it’s healthy to do it always. Enough doses of Twofivesix[256] for now, right guys?

*giggles.

Thanks :)

Are You Sure You Are Not Hated For That?

When people ask you What Do You Hate About Other People? whether it’s something in their attitude, their personal hygiene, their appearance, their manners or the way they talk.

I bet you can name A LONG LIST of what you dislike and hate to see in other people.

We can’t help it. We are just born to hate things that don’t meet our preferences. We tend to avoid these people who have the qualities that we dislike.

I generally dislike people who use foul language. I mean, that’s the first impression that you must pass before I can even think of making friends with you. And then, I dislike RUDE people. Rude means the person cannot show some respects for other people. And then I dislike people who have no principles. I hate people who like to suck up just to get something. I hate people who pretend to be good because of a hidden agenda. Whoa, I tell you I can name A LOT MORE!!

I thought of this topic after I had a deal with a lady, who is my mom’s age. She’s very experienced. Being a breadwinner in her family, she sure has a good Survival Strategy. With not so sophisticated office to run her business, still she’s able to lure many thousands into her bank account just by chipping in to government-funded projects and grab as many small opportunities as possible. To me, her experiences are her winning point. To her, I’m just a “toddler next door”. Erks. Maybe, right? Who knows.

This is what the lady did yesterday. I had a negotiation with her. She named a price – even lower than the discount price. It’s A Statement, not A Question of “Can I get this price?”. It’s like – I have to accept that price or argue with her. And IF I decide to argue, don’t you think it will make me look like the bad person because I argue with an older lady (exactly my mom’s age)? In this case, I have to keep my manners in place so that I don’t lose a friend. But if you were in her place, don’t you think you should play your part too? I definitely HATE IT when she takes advantage of her seniority over me. I HATE IT when she takes advantage of the situation that I don’t want to raise conflict. I HATE IT when she knows that [256] is not the type who would lose face over things like this. Yes, I do hate it. It’s painful to even think about it. I don’t care about the money I lost over the deal. It’s just money. But it’s the attitude of –MAKING USE- and –TAKING ADVANTAGE- of other people. I tell you. If you have these attitudes, you gonna make A LOT OF people hate you. Ask yourself ONCE AGAIN, if you have people like that, come to you and make a deal “out of friendship” and squeeze your to your last drop of blood, Tell Me To My Face – Are you sure you are NOT gonna hate it?

I thought of this while I was busy doing something. I ask myself…

“256, Are you sure you ARE NOT like that when you’re in her situation?”

I can say YES to that question. But then, here comes many other questions that I ask myself.

How sure am I that I DON’T HAVE any the attitudes that I hate in other people?

How sure am I that I am NOT HATED over the same qualities that I hate in other people?

See that, people? That’s my point here. I don’t write this post to emphasize about the little deal with the lady. The bigger question is, sometimes we stare too long at other people that we forget that we have our own shortcomings too.

If you can write the LONG LIST of what you hate in other people, make sure you are not hated for the SAME THINGS people can find in that list.

Fair Enough? :)

When The Jokes Are Going Too Far…

Minggu lepas adalah masa yang paling free for me since 2 years ago. Suddenly I don’t have to think about work and other things. I use the time to spend a lot of time online, browsing around the internet – but I mostly spend my time on Facebook. Thanks to my brother Jojon for lending me his account for me to browse around.

You guys sedar ka Facebook ni bagi u guys satu saluran untuk share the fun stuff and updates, get connected and get in touch more with your existing and long lost friends – That one you guys sedar. Apa yang u guys tidak sedar or overlook, is that…oleh kerana everyone is able to see the your friends’ activity, and when dorang comment, everyone can menyampuk and read it. Sedar atau tidak, dalam beberapa hari sia browsing around page Facebook ni, sia sudah nampak macamana perkara yang sepatutnya jadi baik, tapi jadi tidak baik pula. Sepa sangka gara2 “terlalu bergurau” dalam komen2 gambar tu sebenarnya boleh menjejaskan keharmonian rumah tangga? Seriously!!

I saw my ex-schoolmate (secondary school) punya Facebook page. She is married to a guy yang pernah duduk satu kelas dengan sia (time pre-U) so I know both of them. This guy memang category handsome macho. I remember yang I myself was so attracted to his looks. Memang handsome. But then the guy pursued his degree at a different university, it was where he met that ex-schoolmates of ours. Lepas habis study, we heard they got married. So ramai yang rasa the girl was lucky to get this handsome guy. Bukan saja handsome, alim dan jenis goodboy punya. So after many years tidak tau cerita dorang ni, akhirnya nampak dorang di Facebook. So tengok la pictures2 lelaki tu posing macam2. Then semua ni mandak2 yang kenal that guy pun bagi komen macam2. But komen dorang bersifat gurauan yang keterlaluan. Dorang cakap la yang “Dia ni dulu buaya. Dia kasi tinggal ja sia masa sia mengandung” Something like that. My oh my. Does that sound like a joke? Then disambung lagi oleh sumandak yang seterusnya, dan seterusnya – semuanya mengiyakan apa yang the first girl cakap. Dorang rasa seronok pula panjang2kan cerita tu. “Ya, memang dia ni dasar buaya.” Selepas sia baca komen yang bersambung-sambung dan diikuti dengan gelak ketawa, suddenly sia rasa si Isteri sudah jadi mcm tunggul yang “tidak wujud” di situ. Mostly yg bagi komen tu ada juga yang sia kenal, sebab dorang pun ex-schoolmates juga. Mungkin jokes2 mcm tu biasa didengar time masih study. Semua benda dijadikan jokes. Tapi dalam dunia sebenar di mana keruntuhan rumahtangga ni sangat mudah berlaku berbanding dengan ketahanan rumahtangga, rasanya benda2 yang boleh mengganggu emosi rumahtangga tu actually a bit more sensitive. Apa lagi bila si Isteri ni kenal that guy lebih kemudian daripada kami. So apa cerita yang berlaku sebelum dorang kenal, the Isteri tidak begitu tau. So I saw the Isteri komen balik- trying to hide her emotions. Tidakkan la dia mau tulis, “It’s not a joke, guys. Stop it.” Nah, nama pun sudah social networking. Tidak syok pula kalau tiba2 emotional pula. Silap2 u kena kutuk pula the whole networking gara2 bersikap “kurang matang” cos melenting hal2 gurauan. But I understand what the wife feels.

Then 2 days ago, I went to have lunch with my bestfriend. Kami cerita2 la hal Facebook ni. Then I raised the issues about “gurauan” yang keterlaluan. Guess what? Dia terus setuju. Sebab dia pun kena!! So I spent some time visit page yg di mana “gurauan” itu berlaku. Actually ni berlaku di page another friend kami yang memang satu course dengan drg dulu. Kan my bestfriend ni married coursemate dia sendiri, so memang dorang ni semua sia kenal juga. Si mandak sorang ni (pemilik page Facebook tu) memang perempuan yg lawa dan social. Dia ni memang femes dari dulu sebab dia tidak mengenal batas pergaulan. But I think she’s a nice person juga. So sekarang ni dia sudah single balik, so actually she’s waiting to hook up with a new guy. So dia subscribe to this game “Who Loves Me Today” and then the game will give 3 names setiap hari, dan nama tu diambil dari list Friends dia. So untuk beberapa hari, husband my bestfriend ni yang keluar di list tu. So kawan2 lelaki yg nakal2 tu bagi komen la, “Ohh kau ada hati pula sama dia selama ni ah.” Then disambung2 lagi dengan batu api kawan2 yang lain. Dan tiba2 my bestfriend jadi mcm patung yang teda perasaan. Sebab husband dia pun ikut main juga. Dia macam kesukaan pula kena cakap2 mcm tu. Then maybe sebab kepala otak tu terlalu bergurau, actually benda tu sudah jadi keterlaluan. I know my bestfriend. Dia ni tidak boleh tahan sikit pun cemburu. Apa lagi bila keluar semua komen2 mcm tu. Ditambah pula dengan game2 macam tu yg sebenarnya mengganggu emosi. Then akhirnya the next day, nama bestfriend sia tu pula yg masuk list “Who Loves Me Today” then tiba2 pula husband my bestfriend buat komen yg dia kecewa sebab nama dia nda masuk list tu hari tu. Doiii…I know what my friend is feeling!!

She told me, ada a few times when they argued about something, she saw her husband senyum2 depan Facebook time baca and write comment, She told me that sight hurt her. Seolah-olah that Facebook lagi best daripada anak bini sendiri. So sepa sangka ada pula side effect social networking yang beri kebebasan kepada kawan2 untuk tulis komen. Kita bukan boleh control tangan orang. Silap2 kejadian lampau yang memalukan pun dorang tulis sana, dengan alasan “Cuma bergurau” tapi akhirnya, memalukan dan menyakitkan hati kawan.

So ini cuma satu contoh saja. Ada bermacam cara yang akan membuatkan GURAUAN kita tu jadi punca kesakitan orang lain. So bergurau tu biar berpada-pada. Bila sampai topik sensitive, slow down sikit. Tidak rugi juga kalau kamu miss satu gurauan daripada kamu risk satu persahabatan. Sebab, if orang buat gitu dengan kamu pun belum tentu kamu dapat handle. So if social networking site macam Facebook tu actually mengeratkan dengan kawan2, biarkan dia jadi begitu saja. Jangan pula sampai social sites mcm tu pun buatkan laki bini gaduh. Ini bukan soal emotional atau tidak. Kita perlu watch our jokes first – then baru kita mau cerita sama ada orang itu terlalu emotional atau tidak. The purpose or gurauan is to make people laugh. Bukan untuk menimbulkan syak wasangka yang tidak patut. Nahh…think before you joke. Jangan kena batang hidung sendiri baru mau sedar. Hehehehe.

Sekian, terima kasih.

NOTE: Orang yang menulis ini sebenarnya TIADA akaun Facebook so boooo sikit sama dia. (Hahahahaahahahahah jaat!!! :PPP)

“The Gifted Writers”

Do you think that A Good Writer is something gifted? Can one attend classes and still able to be a good writer? I mean, is it a gifted talent or something can you can learn and then adapt – then get famous for it?

Last nite I came across Facebook pages of my old schoolmates and seniors. I found a few influential names and then got access to the pages of the rest of them in their friendlists. I was so delighted to see that these people are still around, and some of them really make it big in their careers.

The most interesting part is when I found out that my A-list ex-schoolmates (they are The Smarties, high achievers list) are still very much with the same group of friends. I mean, some of them used to be the A-list students back then, but it wasn’t final yet. Each of them go their own way, some landed average jobs that might not be sophisticated enough to brag about. But it doesn’t matter at all. Most importantly is that, I never really get the chance to assess HOW they could land themselves as the A-list students back then. Yeah, I wasn’t in that list. *giggles. I found out that most of them have blogs!!! Some of them are not only smart, but hot and beautiful, and still think that blogging is their cup of coffee. To my surprise, I recalled that those who have blogs were all bright English students since secondary school. Maybe it was coincidence. I wasn’t even sitting at the same class with them because their standard was higher than average students. So…let’s talk about their blogs.

To my surprise, even if they are all good in English, and they write their blogs in English, I could still feel the passion and the emotion of their writings…BUT…some are not good enough for me to want to read what I have missed. I’m surprised that even with a very good range of vocabulary, and I’m sure they have been very familiar with creative English much earlier than I am. I found one that made me want to read EVERYTHING. I could not stop because her writing is just sooo good. Compared to the rest of them, this friend referred herself as “The Ugly Friend” because she’s really the average look among the rest of the A-List students. But look at her writing skill! I’m so impressed! The fact that I know this lady, I bumped into her when I went shopping to the hypermall where she’s working, I remember turning my head to her and shouted her name with my jovial tune, and she smiled back, “Long time no see!!!” she said. Yes people, this is the owner of the blog that I found last nite. Her blog is very plain-looking to compared to mine, but wait until you read—I’m sure you could go WOW too. I smiled that I just discovered A Talent, by accident. Cos even if I have time to talk to any of them, I won’t be asking about their Facebook account or anything, let alone, “Do you have a blog?”. So, I’m delighted that I found their pieces this way.

I mean, I see that my friends and their blogs are also belong to a blog networking that they create. “Do I want to be part of that networking?” I have this thought that I wanted these ex-schoolmates know that I have a blog too and they might find something they like. Or at least, my little thought said that I want that lady to read my blog and see if she likes it. Cos honestly, I have my own taste in reading too. And I can tell if I enjoy reading something or not. As much as I think I enjoy reading the friend’s blog, I hate to admit that I also enjoy reading my own writing. But I don’t want to sound like I’m so full of myself. No no. I could read my posts over and over again and end up smiling. Cos like it wasn’t me who wrote them all. Something else is giving me the force to write something and that’s why I read my own writings as if they weren’t mine.

I came across at least 5 blogs from the people I know and I found out that – writing is a talent that HAS TO BE gifted. Although I know that none of them really tries so hard to produce a good blog but neither do we. I’m sure the lady with the superb blog also doesn’t try so hard to make her blog that good, but it’s just so good. Eventhough I can list many blogs with good template and presentation, and hers are definitely not in the list cos it’s as PLAIN as can be. It’s just black and no graphics, no nothing. Her writing skill is THAT DAMN good that I thought I came across the best blog that can make me fall in love in minutes. The pleasure of reading, the emotions, the dilemma, the rambling minds – she described it all in the simplest words and YES, it’s like watching a well-directed movie. Remember what I said about a Good Author? A good author to me is the one who can make me create a movie in my mind and as I read line by line as the movie progresses. Do you want to stop watching? Of course you don’t. That’s the sign that you come across a good movie. And wait, but we are not talking about movies here. We are talking about good blogs. Can that be enough to tell you that Writing is something gifted.

Isn’t it a waste if we fail to see how gifted we are? And even if we know, we fail to use it, it’s the same like not knowing it at all. I tell you people something. Life isn’t easy for me. I’ve been through hardships and survived emotional aches mostly due to my nature and life challenges. I’ve come a long way and still have something strong to hold on to. I have reasons why I see life a bit more differently. I have reasons why I tend to exaggerate the small details and I have reasons why I tell you that the pleasure of knowing and using the talents gifted to you by our Creator is Indescribable.

She might not be pretty and hot, but she found her strength and she uses it. And then, I also realize something else. Maybe it’s not really about the writing skills. It’s the SENSES that makes you see life in such a way that make you have thousands of interesting approach to write it down. You see your surroundings like an unfolding art that can be further appreciated if you write it down and share it with people. I found out that, A Good Writing is translated from the mind. You must first have it “created so beautifully” in your mind then the little writing skill can make you form all the words needed. My oh my – Thank God for this.

Reading a good writing is almost magical.

Yes, I decided Good Writers are Gifted. :)

Why To Get Something Means To Lose Something…

I ask this question WHY? WHY do I have to lose something just because I decide to take something into my life?

This is so NOT fair. Why 2 elements have to fight for a space when you prepare two very comfortable spaces for both of them. This isn’t about life being unfair. This is how STRANGE human beings can be by trying to create conflicts that shouldn’t be there.

I remember when I first hooked up with my ex years ago. I didn’t know how much this affected the people around him until his friends came to me and said that “he has changed a great deal”. He didn’t have time to answer them, or even have the little space to say Hello – like they didn’t exist at all. I remember a female friend, who knew him earlier than I did, and she was considered a close friend to my ex before I came – she told me she felt so upset because of his changes. “Like I wasn’t there at all,” she said. I didn’t understand WHY my ex was treating his friends like that. Was it because of me? I didn’t intend that my presence would change anything good. It shouldn’t be that way. I never actually told my ex who he should make friends with. In fact, it was him who did that to me. But if you ask me, I’d say, I don’t want him to lose his friends just because he was taking me into his life. Why Humans do something like this? We don’t have to!!! Trust me, friends will always have a special place that can’t be replaced by the our families and or lover. It’s the same with our families. Do you want to lose a brother or a sister just because you hook up with a new person? That’s not how it works, people.

Love is such a broad thing. If it has length, it must have a great length. If it has distance, it must be at least thousands of miles. We have definition for each kind of love that we have for everyone that we have in our lives. Yes, we are able to do it. If you have to freaking choose whether or not to keep your brother or sister just because you are marrying someone, How Stupid is that. They can’t take each other’s place in your life so remind them that they don’t have to fight for a spot. They don’t have to leave your life just because you have a new person coming in to your life. Please do not create unnecessary heartache cos this one is really caused by no one but you!!

I mean, if you are in the position of the Host, where one special person makes his way to the door just because he saw someone else coming in from the other door, don’t you think you would be surprised enough to ask, “Why are you leaving?” Then the person said, “I think I need to give space for those who just came in.” Then you know what I would answer? “You don’t need to leave. There’s an ample space for everyone. OK?” What if the person insists? “Sorry 256, I really think I should leave.” I would scream, “No, Don’t Leave! I mean it.” What do you feel? You think I’m kidding? Do you think I can’t be a good Host for every guest? Do you think I can’t help but give a better treatment for those who just came? No, you are wrong. I mean it when I say that. And if you think I’m happy that you think you are being courteous enough to volunteer leave the house to give space –you are wrong!! If you still insist to leave because of that, I will burst in tears in front of the other guest. That’s HOW SAD I feel inside. When I say Don’t Leave, I freaking mean it!!!

If you are in the position of either of the Guests…now you know what the Host is feeling. Don’t be stupid by making the decision for the host that you should leave. No. You are wrong. This world might be filthy and all, but there are people who really appreciate all the special people in their lives. So the line “To Get Something Means To Lose Something” is not true until you make it true. You’ll know how hurtful it can be when you become the Host itself. There’s enough space for everyone, so please stay :)

Will You Miss Me After Three Christmas & Two Valentine’s?

Do you have any idea how many lives you touch as you go by with your days?

How many faces smiled because of the sound of your laughter?

How many hearts were delighted just to have your company around?

I bet you have no idea. I bet you wouldn’t care so much, or even if you do care, You wouldn’t know how much difference you make just by being there in a certain crowd of people.

“[256], this place will never be the same again without you.”

Something in their eyes that shouted at me,

“[256], Don’t Leave”

It made me realized that my presence did mean something to these people. I never really took my effort to connect with them, nor did I ever try to be accepted – cos that’s not part of my agenda. It’s logic however, that nothing is perfect. I might have hurt some heart along the way. I might piss some people off along the way. And I might make them gossiping or swearing at me behind my back. But…when I finally decided to leave this place…it all doesn’t matter anymore. Cos today I learn that...

After 3 Christmas and 2 Valentine’s, when I thought that I had enough, now they realized that it doesn’t matter if there are bad memories all the time I was here, cos what they know for sure is…It’s kinda painful to see me go.

Yes, I’m going to leave this place.

My phone kept ringing for days, “256, Where Are You Moving To?” “256, you’re not here anymore. Where Are You Now ?” “256, don’t forget to let me know when you’re are settled with the new place” or the most I can hear is… “256, WHY do you have to leave?”

I was startled at the fact that until something is coming to the end, then only all the worthwhile things are coming to the surface.

3 Christmas and 2 Valentine’s – they are behind me but because of them, I gain these people’s affections and friendships. This move will only make us closer. Trust me :)

Yes, after 3 Christmas and 2 Valentine’s … finally I’m leaving :)

Stepping On Someone...Anyone?

Since 2 years ago, I put this as my mission. I won’t trouble anyone on my way to my dreams. Tell me I’m greedy. But I just want to claim the victory alone. Yeah, but semua org akan dapat kesenangan. Sia dapat what I want, and dorang pula tidak perlu disusahkan dalam proses itu. I mean, apalah guna membina satu istana di atas peluh orang lain? That’s the point. Sia cabar diri sia sampai ke tahap itu supaya JANGAN sampai orang lain yg susah gara2 sia mau capai impian sia. Kalau nda, teda guna sia pegi sekolah bertahun-tahun. Apa yang sia dapat? At least tunjukkan la yang kau memang sudah jadi orang yang betul2 orang. Ada otak mau pikir.

I still remember about a year ago, ada this office mau buka dekat dengan tempat kerja sia. The guy yang in-charged ni bukan main lagi – lukis pelan renovation, pakai software canggih2 and then bila start talking with me – dia jack2 dia punya boss yang kununnya ambil business bukan alang2. Semua paling kurang pun puluh2 ribu. Ok fine, good for them. Tapi satu kali dia mau call boss dia, dia tanya, “Eh, teda kredit o, buli pinjam telefon kau? Please la, penting ni. Kejap ja” Tekejut sia kejap. Cakap sampai ke negeri China sudah jauhnya, tapi rupanya mau call boss dia pun kena pinjam my phone. But ndapa, maybe dia mau jimat masa. Hehehe. And then, pelan yang canggih2 tu, bawa laptop canggih depan2 sia…Kasi tinguk how itu software boleh buat 3d punya renovation plan. Lepas tu, “Ala, sia mau print ba ni tapi teda printer kami. Boleh kau tulung print?” Benda2 kecil begitu sia tidak patut berkira la ba kan, but sia rasa “geli hati” sebab “something is not right” but I didn’t know what it was. Tidak apa, sia tell myself yang apa salahnya tolong menolong, lagipun dorang gonna be my neighbour juga. And then masa perabot sampai, that office masih renovation, teda tempat simpan tu perabot semua. That guy masuk my place and ukur…”I think macam muat tu perabot semua kami simpan sini sementara.” Sia tinguk ja that guy dengan no emotion. Dengan tiba2 sia rasa dia sudah menamakan diri dia sebagai sia punya rakan kongsi or anyone yang ada hak ke atas tempat kerja sia tu. Sia tidak tau mau ketawa ka, mau maki dia ka, or mau halau dia keluar. (Hahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahaha) I mean, sia betul2 tidak tau how to react sama ni stranger yang sia baru kenal beberapa hari itupun pasal dia yang selalu pegi menyibuk minta macam2. Sia cuma boleh geleng kepala ja tinguk. Dengan umur yang jauh lebih senior dari sia – sia nampak dia macam budak kecil yang belum berapa kenal dunia sebenar. Tapi ndapa. Sia tidak judge dia begitu cepat. I don’t think a guy that senior boleh jadi begitu naïve dan tidak pakai akal. And then, tidak cukup dengan tu, contractor yang buat kerja di ofis dorang tu, tidak ada kerusi. Then, “[256], buli pinjam kerusi extra kau? Kasi ja berapa yang kau ada.” (/me tahan geli hati). Ok, fine, sia kasi jugalah. And then tidak pandai kasi balik. Pun sia tidak complain. Banyak lagi benda lain sia mau buat selain daripada mau jaga itu kerusi. Tidak cukup dengan tu, hari2 mesti datang my place, untuk tengok – “Apa lagi sia buli pinjam dari kau ni ah?”

(HAHHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA)

Bila benda tu sudah keterlaluan, barulah sia terpikir. “This is TOO MUCH!!!!” Masa tu I think I have the right to be angry. Dulu masa tempat keja sia ni masih kosong dan baru mau move in, sepa berani cakap yang sia pernah susahkan dorang? Biarpun barang kecil2 mcm screwdriver or paku – semakin kecil semakin la sia mampu untuk beli sendiri. Even tukul, or whatever yang sia perlu – Jangan harap sia ada masa pegi tanya orang lagi sama ada dorang ada atau tidak tu alat. If you want telefon line, you pegi Telekom and register. If you want fax, buy a fax machine. Does it take a genius? Kita ni bukan di asrama or di sekolah lagi – semua benda u berharap sama orang sebelah katil or sebelah locker you. Cabaran dunia ni terlalu banyak – but kecil2 mcm tu pun u tidak boleh handle, apa lagi u boleh handle?

Ini yang sia rasa lucu dengan sikap segelintir manusia yang mau capai Utopia dengan memijak belakang orang lain. This isn’t about “Oh, kamu ni ambil masa sia ja, sikit2 mau minta tulung” or “Kamu nda buli beli sendiri ka tu benda. Murah ja ba tu” It isn’t about that. This is about ATTITUDE yg suka bergantung dan menyusahkan orang. If orang ada attitude begini, kalau dia buli suruh kamu tuang tu air minum pegi mulut dia, dia akan suruh!!! People like this find pleasure in being dependent dengan orang lain. Dorang tidak mau susah lebih sikit, or tidak mau usaha lebih sikit – kalau ada yang boleh disusahkan dulu, susahkah orang tu dulu, kalau betul2 tidak dapat, barulah TERPAKSA susahkan diri sendiri. Tapi impian mau jadi company yang berprestij. Sepa sangka, even pensel pemadam pun pinjam sebelah ofis. ATTITUDE ini betul2 tidak ngam. Sampaikan sia dekat2 mau teriak that guy, “Alang2 sudah kamu pinjam semua dan buat mcm rumah sendiri, are you sure you don’t want my job ka?” (HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA)

Sia cakap ni bukan suka2. Sia pun pernah kena cuci telinga cos sia pun pernah jadi mcm dorang dulu. “[256], u tidak boleh terlalu bergantung. Ini cuma cabaran kecil saja pun u tidak boleh handle? Ada betimbun lagi cabaran di luar sana.” Masa tu sia betul2 tertampar, but still sia tidak paham. NOW I understand sebab sia sudah sahut cabaran tu supaya jangan sampai ada orang yang berani lecture sia begitu lagi. Cukup satu kali malu. Bila u simpan impian mau jadi businessman yang berjaya, u mesti berani invest ba kan? U ada RM10 tapi mau make itu jadi RM1 million ka – dengan – “Alaa, apa2 hal semua buli minta pinjam ba tu sepa2 yang ada”. Doiii…sampai bila juga kamu mau mcm tu? Berpada-pada la ba sikit. Sia tidak kisah kalau ada satu kali u guys take advantage of my kindness, tapi sia kesian sama u guys in the long run kalau u tidak ubah. Cos sia cuma susah sekali saja kerana kamu, tapi kamu akan susah sampailah kamu sedar dan berubah!!

I know, in my situation sekarang, I have friends yang TRYING to use me untuk memudahkan diri sendiri. They do it courteously la juga…tidak mau terlalu ketara. But U THINK I’M STUPID ka? Kalau kawan2 lama sia or my relatives or family members tu lain cerita. We have “blood issues” with them, kita jangan terlalu berkira. But ini orang2 yang baru kenal sikit, sudah pikir “How to use her to get what I want?” Haa, u guys nampak my face smiling sweetly 24 jam u think u can step on me? Sometimes I enjoy it yang people judge us on first impression. Nampak sia ni nice sikit, mulalah naik minyak. Again – if you tidak ubah your approach…you won’t get there. Cos sooner or later people will get so sick and tired of being your stepping stone. It’s obvious that you guys belum nampak reality kehidupan ni. Orang lain teda masa mau rely on orang lain. Kalau buli buat tu bangunan KLCC dengan tangan sendiri, dorang sanggup buat. Cos orang yg ada mission teda masa mau tunggu orang lain untuk provide semua benda untuk kesenangan dorang. Sebab kalau bergantung dengan orang, itu orang terajun paya pun u pun terpaksa ikut sebab terlampau malas dan tidak mau berusaha. Ask yourself, Sampai bila???

Part II: Online Identity: WHY?

Continuation from Part I

And then, not long after that, someone else smashed me in public channel – the least that I expect this figure was also tired of seeing my secrecy? And said, At least you let me know your job ba. Why do you have to pretend? (That it not to mention that he said I shouldn't be too cunning and playful) – Suddenly something knocked me, I almost burst out laughing – I’m Under WHAT LAW that I must tell you my job? And Why people are sometimes TOO UPSET when certain people are not generous about their personal details? I mean, ASK YOURSELF “WHY” are you upset in the first place. If you are one of my relatives or the person that I walk the aisle with, you HAVE the right to be upset why you still don’t know my job or my last 4-digit IC number. But we are talking about the Freaking CYBER so called –virtual world here, people. Think again if it’s even right to react how you have reacted towards these anonymous figures.

And I should mention this earlier that, on Dec 2008, I received another phonecall coming from a person I know from virtual world, who was the first one who got access to me. Maybe he got too excited to show off to other chatters that he got what other chatters don't, so he said this “[256], We are going to go out.” I said, “What do you mean?” He said, “I’m going to Expose you, and also me for the chatters to see.” Then I said, “Why do you have to include me? I’m not part of you guys.” He said, “Yes [256], you’re one of us!” Then I said, “I’m not giving my permission. What, do you think this is a political association or something? We are just an IRC community here. Which law from which planet are you using? Enuff! If you want to expose yourself, go ahead. Don’t decide for other people.” I hate it when someone is using my friendship to show others that he's the hero. And then blackmail me something like "You make one wrong move, I'm going to expose you." Sheittt laaa! (Hahahahaha :PPP. Okay, I said that while I'm using pokemon mask. *Lols)

Suddenly this cyberworld is making another stress-demon for me. WHY? A recent chat that I had with a chatter who first knows me from my blog – said to me. “I’m not hiding [256]. It’s you who are hiding.” I don’t know why I feel that it’s not quite right. I said to him, Geez, why people think I’m hiding? Look, I had enough of this. Do you guys realize something?

It’s because of your freaking expectation that makes it look like I’m hiding. Do you see that??? Only when you expect TOO MUCH from me that you think I’m hiding. Only when you expect to KNOW EVERYTHING about me that you think I’m being secretive. It’s your right to feel “Oh, I wish she could open up more about herself” but you have no right to smash me that you want to know This Much and I only offer you That Much. I mean, you and your rights – me and my rights. Or is it only you who have rights?

Why people make it look like I’m doing something wrong because I’m using my freaking online identity? As far as I know, some people enjoy chatting with me, some people enjoy my blog, EVEN IF they only know me by my nick. Cos now you realize that in this virtual world, WHAT I can offer and share with you guys in the boundary of virtual world (that if, If I go offline, I’m back to reality) is ALL and THE BEST that this virtual world can give to us. We are here to have fun and rest from our reality stress. You don’t have to CARE or GET HURT why that stupid [256] is not sharing people her house address? Damn, care about your spouse or your in laws or your brother or your mistress or ANYONE you want – but don’t bother and spend sleepless nite BLAMING and CURSING me – damn that girl…At least she tell me her last name!!! I think she should go to hell for using such an irritating online identity!! Ouch, you guys didn't just curse at me, did you? (*Lols)

Come on…I’m trying to correct something. This isn’t just about me. I’m taking myself as an example only cos I think I have received the side impact of using online identity. As a matter of fact, I’m sorry to say that I am NOT that anonymous actually. Stop this hype as if I am a mystery to be discovered. Some people know my name and they have confirmed that whoever behind this nick [256] does exist. Don’t you guys feel guilty making me feel like I’m a cyber criminal? I am a real human too, ya know. I don’t have time to recreate another long list of DETAILS to mislead the people I know from cyberworld. You’ll be surprised that when you finally know me, you’ll realize that I hide very little about myself. Especially after I release this blog. I tell my real experience and the experiences of the people I know.

So if you come to me and complain, Why that chatter is telling others that her gender is a male? Look…If the person makes you believe that she’s a male and THAT’S IT, please stick to your day job, take care for your family or what to cook for dinner – don’t spend a freaking time worrying WHY? WHY? WHY? did she lie about her gender. *Lols. Unless you’re a girl and you fall in love with “her” after believing that she’s a male, cos she sounds so masculine and caring during the chat sessions, promises you the world – and makes you write down your dream on a paper that “I’m going to marry this guy and 1 year from now, we are going to have kids” …Aha, that’s when you should feel alarmed. Because the person is using her online identity to HURT and FOOL someone and stop someone’s life clock from ticking normally…Oh yeah, that one is different. I hope we have Cybercops to arrest her – Please don’t lie about your gender next time – maybe put behind virtual bars? or got hanged using virtual gallow?. Ahaa…ridiculous right? Maybe you people just have to be extra careful before you FALL for lies coming from this freedom that the unlimited virtual world offers us. Cos sorry to say – this is the risk that you face when you decide to be here.

On the contrary, if an online identity brings you NOTHING but smiles and laughters, why EXPECT more? If that online identity doesn’t disturb your life, why do you still feel disturbed? You get what I mean? And if you tell me, Can you expect anything from virtual world to switch to your reality? YES YOU CAN!! I mean, don’t forget that a cartoon character like Pikachu can’t be doing all the typing for this blog right? It has to be a real human, right? So behind an online identity, there is still a human being. So yes, anything reality can start from the virtual world. I believe that A LOT of people here have honesty to offer. They also won’t stop a virtual connection or chemistry from going to reality, but they don’t expect too much or they don’t force things to happen. Just let it happen on its own. One thing leads to another and if this is DESTINED, yes, we will thank this virtual world for letting us meet. But if you ask me, are Online Identity users are playing tricks, bluffs and lies? NO. This isn’t about which virtues they use, this is about HOW safe and comfortable they want to appear in this unpredictable world of internet.

Just RESPECT how they do it, people.

Especially when they don’t disturb your life.

Isn't life short enough to have time to stop having more and more fun because of small matters like this? So you know the answer. Respect each other and this world is going to be a much better place for us. :)

Online Identity or not, the person behind that Nick has a heart too. Remember that :)