Sunday, December 2, 2012

The Devil Must Be Laughing

I almost turned my 1st day of December into a destructive day. The time when I am beginning to struggle living in faith, the more I question if I am fit or not to do that. To have all the doubts and funny thoughts – and at the same time, claiming to start living a life of faith. Something is quite not right, don’t you think so?

When I was at the church just now, I started to think all the torturing things that caused discomfort to me. I started to worry, to doubt, to question one’s trustworthiness, all these were messing with my mind that time. Where is my faith, I asked myself. Then I asked another question, if I claim to be living in a life of faith, does that mean I can’t have doubt in people? Especially when people are in an important position, which what they do gonna give impact to me?

For once, when I speak about struggle to live a life of faith or fear, my focus was really about God. About how much I can trust in Him, and His plan. I forgot the part where the devil is very related to this too. Devil is using fear to make us lose faith. And suddenly, I just got shocked by the fact that I could be having one of those times. The devil was whispering and influencing me to have all the issues in my head. So I could keep myself off the track of my faith. So I could doubt and question God if He's really there for me. This would make my faith go shaky. The moment when I lose faith that God is in control, HE MUST BE LAUGHING LIKE HELL!

By the time that this tought crossed my mind about the work of devil, I got really pissed and determined that NO, I won’t let it WIN! I hate the fact that this Devil, an entity that mislead and confuse us, is going to have its victory on me. The more I hate of it, the tighter I hold on to my faith! Just the thought of the devil laughing enough to make me want to do anything to just don’t make it happen!

You guess from where did the realization come from? From my determination to make FAITH as my way of life. Every struggle is just easier with faith. Even in the most difficult situation, the dose of guidance will just arrive in a split second. So guys, a word from me. If you want God in your life, He will make a way. He will make things easier and smoother for you to be with Him. You have to make the crucial decision who to follow. 

So remember this, when things suddenly get confusing, and it hurts your gut, it makes you want to ruin things that you have, and hurt people that you love, THAT IS DEVIL DOING THE JOB!! You give in, devil is having the laugh of a lifetime, DO YOU WANT THAT TO HAPPEN?

Today, I successfully managed to skip the Devil work. At first I had my anger, and it burst out the way that would hurt people if I insist and then something just got into me. I lowered my ego and settled things like an adult. Suddenly I didn’t want to win the argument. I wanted to settle it right then and there. And Viola!! It’s done and A LOVE IS SAVED. Thank you God. This is what FAITH does to us. I see it now. And to Devil, looks like I was the one who have the last laugh! Hahahahaha.

Alleluia!!! Praise be to God!

Saturday, December 1, 2012

The Last Day Of November 2012

Another 1 month to end 2012...

People speak about the end of the world.

Why I have a hunch that next year most of us will still be talking and complaining about the same old daily things we are doing all the years before. Worrying about the small tiny things that bother us forever.

Just that, some might appreciate life more as if it's given the second chance to live, when some just couldn't care less. They breathe as long as they wake up the next morning.

Even if we don't, we still go to the hands that first give us life...

Last but not least....I still do hope we all gonna meet again next year... But in case we don't, the next days are very meaningful. Should live them to the fullest. Must. Compulsory.

Alleluia for the all the gifts, O Lord. I treasure every moment that I'm using this gift to have great moments in my journey :)) Thanks be to God. 

Note: Happy mode on, peeps. Christmas is around the corner. 

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Fear Versus Faith: The Compilation

Some important points that I have compiled regarding this topic.

1. Knowledge about God and faith in God are not the same thing,

2.  Life without faith is a life with fear! If one has no faith in God he is left to live by his own power and strength. While this might carry someone for a while, in the end it is not enough!

3. Faith will guide your life, rather than control it (as fear can).

4.  Faith gives you confidence, fear take it away.



7. Fear will work against you at every opportunity. By giving thought, speech,and action to it, the force of fear will work proficiently. It will work inyou as long as you allow it to; but you can also put a stop to it andits effect to your spirit, soul and body. 

8. Really trusting God is the foundation of faith. Without complete trust and surrender of control, we will never experience the full power and blessings of our amazing God

9.  God keeps his promises and he promises us that he will be there for us. But we have to do our part. We have to TRUST. 

10. Remember that the Creator has so made us that our strength grows out of our struggles, and we are no bigger than the circumstances which we permit to frighten or worry us.

11.  There is no such reality as a “blanket” faith. You must have a definite objective, purpose, or desire before you can enjoy the benefits of applied faith. Faith is guidance from within which will not bring you that which you seek, but it will show you the path by which you may go after that which you desire.

12. Fear is not necessarily always sinful. It can protect us from things that will harm us. It becomes sin when it causes us to disobey God. Fear can keep us from serving God the way we should.


Tuesday, November 27, 2012

How Hard Is It To Ask, To Seek and To Knock?

You want something. You don't see the ways. You don't know how. You don't understand why.

How hard is it TO PRAY?

Winning The Heart You Have Won

To be in a mutual loving relationship is like one wish comes true. Which means you have won the heart of a person whom you love. So does that mean after you won his heart, you should stop there and enjoy the victory?

A relationship is better when you can make it feel "new" all the time, just like when you two are still in the chasing stage. Remember the rapid heart beat all sleep smiling and floating on the cloud 9? Of course after a while., when you two start to get really comfortable with one another, the feeling of "newness" will slowly leave. There will be more visible temptations for you two. At one point, you realize that winning his heart for the first time is not enough. Same goes with him. Just like my bestfriend said, and she was married for 4 years, keeping the relationship exciting is a constant effort. If you stop making effort, it will run downhill. It might be out of sight soon, when you stop trying. 

That's why. Never think that you have done enough for your partner. Always find new ways of showing each other, and renewing the feeling. We have to accept that this is how it works. New people will come, which grab your attention and his attention, especially when the new people are able to give each of you "a new type of thrill" which is gone from your relationship, and it's not even anybody's fault. It's just the natural course that things have to go through.Your role is to constantly making efforts and never forget that apart from love, it's responsibility, it's commitment, it's devotion - even when things feel like fading away a bit, be quick and put more colours. When you remember the fact that each of you is God's mission, people who come, will never stay. Cos you won't let them. Especially when you remember that the one by your side is THE BEST and irreplaceable. Remember the story about "The Most Beautiful Flower"? I posted it in Malay version before. When you found someone you truly like, forget about the rest that you haven't met, and don't worry if they could be better than the one you have now. Cos if you have the mission of getting "The Most Beautiful" you will end up with no one. Those who have been out there hunting for so long, will understand that you can find many wonderful people who you can opt as a lifemate. But not all can give you back the kind of love that you need and make you feel whole. It's time to count your blessing.

One more thing, if you can win again the heart that you have won, go ahead and win it, over and over again. Why waste your time winning the heart of new people when you have found the most deserving person whose heart you want to win? Yes, keep winning each other's heart and be one of the living proof that "This rare kind of love DOES exist". God willing.

Monday, November 26, 2012

Who Wants To Be Skinny?

Most people have issues with weight. It's whether they think they are overweight, or underweight. Then some people have this constant struggle of trying to fix their weight. They will even put the weight scale beside their bed so they can weigh themselves first thing in the morning. Are you one of them? 

I'm Not.

A person like me will eventually have issues with weight, judging from my eating habit and food consumption. I used to be this coffee drinker for so many years. I never really thought it was harmful. Sugar, creamer, milk - they were all innocent to me. Plus, I never exercised for the intention to sweat. I was enjoying my life with the abundance of blessings around me. Little did I know that it was gonna get back to me. Predictable. Another die-hard habit was to drink sweet drinks like carbonated drinks. Cola and Pepsi were my water. I hardly drank plain water for so many years. Not at the amount that's significantly good for my body. So my weight went up the scale, after being skinny for a few years. When I bought my pc, it was the end for my skinny days. With all the other habits, you can imagine.

The thing about being Not skinny, actually some people thought it was better for women to be fleshy. Looking at the models on tv and magazines, some of them looked really good in terms of how well they can fit in any dress and lingerie. They can just walk along the runaway and not having to worry that people will be talking about their cellulite or extra fats on their thighs and stomachs. It's just so easy to like being skinny, just like them. Cos they set the standard that you need to be like them to have the confidence of a runway to appear in public. I remember back then when I was in matriculation, I was in my skinniest version, because of the distance we had to walk from our apartment to the bus stop. And the tight daily food budget too. Not a surprise that I got so skinny. I remember talking many pictures during those era. 

After a while, when my boyf that time (now my ex) saw the older pictures, he commented that I was better off Not Skinny like that. He said that I looked immature. I agreed with him finally cos my height doesn't support such little weight to give balance to my whole appearance. With my body that has more of flesh, although I thought it felt a little revealing when I wore tighter clothes, but I got some nice remarks from people. Some even highlighted and dubbed me as "Sexy". I never really put thoughts on it. So when I think that my weight escalated a bit more, I started to feel alarmed. I wanted to fit my clothes perfectly and not having to squeeze myself into them. So I start to  change my habit, from sugary drinks, to food portions, exercise routine and most importantly, I finally start drinking water. I realize that this is a mission of changing habits. Losing weight is not that hard, but it's about keeping it off for good. If your mission is all about your weight, that means you might have to stop living your life. You'll be avoiding foods you like and you will live in greater stress when you put a lot of constraint to yourself. So in the end, it will only be halfway. After all, you are just a human being. You will feel tired of trying and just QUIT. Oh, don't tell me you don't know this.

So lately I start to feel that I'm shredding pounds. Not even cutting my foods, just sugary drink. I drink as much water, and then having my daily cycling, and sweat a lot. As often as possible. I can fit my nice dresses so well, with my curves more visible. But yet I'm still not skinny. Still a long way to go to be skinny.  When I walk pass where there is a mirror reflection, I will look and examine. I saw the difference. A positive one. I wonder why would I entertain a bit of discontentment of not yet turning really skinny like before, cos I already counted that out. Oh man. I was just confused all this time. It's time to feel happy, now! Cos I already am at the right track. I've changed some unhealthy habits, I practice cautions about my surrounding that could affect my health, I'm feeling as healthy as possible. 

Speaking of not being skinny yet, Oh gosh, since when I want to be skinny? I lurve my curves and I decided that they will stay. Skinny? NO PLEASE DON'T. LOLS. Never wear the trend for your body. You'll be surprised that the trend doesn't look best on you. Love and appreciate your body, do your best and then be thankful for your sexiness. You don't have to be skinny to be beautiful. Remember that :))

"A Puzzle Competition"

I remember when I was a kid, I participated in this jigsaw puzzle competition organized by a nearby supermarket. We were put in pair. My partner was this Chinese boy. We never talked a word. So when the puzzle was put on our table, imagine, how could two people worked on the same puzzle? Especially when the other one was too aggressive, and if you tried to be aggressive too, it would make it hard for the other person since you two would be fighting over the puzzle pieces and where to put the next piece. Moreover, it should be a team, right? Before I even got to start doing anything, the Chinese boy actually solved the puzzle!! Then they had a winner! The prize was a car toy, which he deserved to get, but the boy's father told the organizer that the team consisted of 2 kids, so how come there was only 1 gift? So they manage to make another gift for me! Hahahahaha. Err, but I forgot what it was. It was just as big as the toy car, but not a toy car. It was a sweet experience of winning a competition without having to do anything. Just tagging with a smart kid and got a free prize. LOLS.

So...I bring up this story again after deciding to put such topic for this post. I know that currently, I'm having a hard time trying to sort many things out. A few big plans that are still pending, waiting for me to work on them. I just couldn't find the "magic moment" to pull it off. The way I describe it, I feel like I have one foot on, and takes forever to move my other foot to get into doing it! It's really a big challenge to me. Cos these plans are gonna make good changes in my life, and I'm here still waiting for things to fall in place. It doesn't look difficult, but I just get stuck somewhere! Imagine that one of the big plans, I have been talking about it since 2 years ago. I shouldn't wait any longer, should I? So when I told this a very close person, he said that I should pray to God. Maybe the devil is making it hard for me to get going. Well, that makes sense. But deep inside of me, I have another thought.

I think that I have what it takes to just make things happen. I'm equipped with what's necessary to just go on with it. It's just that, something that's holding me back is just a bit of self dilemma, a little fear and a lot of concern that I might fail for the first few times. And the rest of the delays are just works and deadlines that I need to comply, which I couldn't say No to since they are my responsibility. So the main problem now is that...THIS IS JUST PART OF THE PUZZLE. God wants me to sort it out myself. He needs me to have this experience, of going through these challenges, with the knowledge of what kind of reward is waiting for me. Good things don't come easy, agree? So suddenly I recall back the kind of nervous that I had back then during the puzzle competition when I was a kid. It's like, God is the judge, and I'm there, working my ways solving every pieces. The judge can't help me, right? It's not how it works. He will see me making trials and mistakes, and he will let me correct it myself. What I know is when I solve the puzzle, the prize is waiting for me.

Oh man, oh man. Things always have a way to look difficult when they are actually not even hard. NOW I GET IT. The answer is to delay no more and FACE MY FEARS. Any delay is much much worse than having to have repeated trials. Yes, it's about time. Last but not least, this time I'm gonna solve this puzzle myself, alone and I will get the first prize that I rightfully deserve. At last. *grinz.

Forgiveness By A Broken Mirror

What is the real meaning of forgiveness? Is it enough just by hearing someone says, “I Forgive You”? You can be preaching about how important forgiveness is for us to move on, and how to get the forgiveness from God for all our sins, but how sure are you that you yourself can actually do that? What does it mean by forgiveness, actually?

When someone does something that really hurts you, and you get mad, it’s whether you tell the person to his face or you just remain silent. You feel the pain of the person’s actions towards you. Knowing that forgiveness is important, so what you can do is try not to live by the hurt, but try to let it pass, and you think you manage to do it. You don’t keep on thinking about the person’s fault anymore, and you just consider that you have forgiven the person. Of course the person doesn’t know that he has hurt you that much, or maybe he doesn’t even know that he does something wrong, so he never asks for forgiveness. So only you know that the person has done mistake and you must forgive him in order to let go of the grudge. You swear to yourself you don't have hatred for the person anymore. So, is by doing that enough for you to consider you have forgiven the person?

Wait until the person asks a favour from you. What will you do? It’s whether you will avoid, or you will make excuses, or just stay out of contact with the person so you don’t have to deal with him again, or maybe just do the favour. Is it possible to just do a favour after what the person did to you? So what do you call that? Remember, that you have forgiven this person. Just wondering if forgiveness also means that you Forget Everything wrong that they person has done to you and start back from zero. Does it apply to normal human beings like us? Or does that mean you have not yet forgiven a person if you fail to start back from before the incident took place?

Consider that you are a broken mirror after you have been hurt by someone. When you decide to forgive, does that mean you should be back to the whole intact mirror? But in the case of a mirror, it’s not possible. The cracks will always be seen. But we are not mirrors. So I’m just wondering, really wondering what forgiveness really means. I wonder if we only say that we forgive, but we never actually forgive – and is it possible to just be the same way like nothing hurtful ever take place, to finally mean what forgiveness really means. Oh man. It’s time to find out the answer :)

Little Acts Of Evil

When I go to church, there are these 2 older women, selling 3 types of Catholic weekly newpapers. 2 of them cost RM1.50 each, and another one is RM2. They are doing this job for since a few years ago. I never saw people who do the duty of selling at the church entrance more aggressive than them. What I usually saw is people usually just sit or stand there, not even doing any persuasion for others to buy buletins. Well, that’s church area, and not market, of course I won’t expect to see some sellers making noise, asking people to buy. It’s different with these two women.

Maybe you wonder why I speak about them with that manner. You will know in a bit. I never feel so much pressured when I try to take a look at the headlines of the newpapers at the church entrance, because these two women will definitely start making noise and pushing you to buy. Oh, doesn’t sound that wrong. They make the people buy the newspapers so people can read what’s inside them and get more knowledge about the happenings and programs and other news related to our religion. So they are actually doing something good. That’s one. Sometimes they even put the newspapers for you, and waiting for your money, assuming that you want to buy those newspapers they prepare for you. That’s another one. Every week, we have this one sheet church buletin, where all the schedules of mass and other announcements are put for us to take note, and sometimes a piece of song sheet too. These two are free. In other churches, they usually just leave it there unattended so that people can help themselves with it. In this particular church that I go to, these two things are put at the same table where these women sell newspapers. I can’t believe that they go to the extent of Only giving the papers to those who buy the newspapers. Or else, they keep them “guarded” so no hands can go and pick one without buying any of the newspapers. I remember years back, when some of us asked for the song sheet from one of the women, she refused to give! She said that a warden will distribute later inside the church. It was a shock to most of us who have been going to this church since we were kids, cos never before that wardens would go through the trouble distributing song sheets when people are already at their seats. Cos the church area is big, and it’s not practical to do that when it’s just easier for everyone to pick one at the church entrance. Imagine that. So a few weeks, I remembered that most of us could not sing along the choir because we didn’t have song sheet. Luckily, the church management managed to fix this thing. Maybe the church received complains about the woman who refused to give the song sheet to those who did not buy the newspapers. Gosh, can you guys imagine something like this can happen in the church area? Almost unbelievable.

Not enough with that, there’s another thing. When you buy the newspapers, for so many times, they don’t even bother to give back the money change! When you buy one newspaper cost RM1.50, it’s whether you give them exactly the amount of you will never get your chance back. Especially those who give RM2. Maybe if you give RM5, you will get back RM 3. They simply overcharge the newspapers! Maybe some people will say that, Oh, nevermind it’s just 50 sen. It’s the church, please be a little generous. The money will still go to the church and consider it a donation. Yeah, I know some of you will think that way. But come on, the way I see it, it’s because you are doing a duty for the church, that you have to be extra righteous in your work. Whatever that you do at the church area, doesn’t make your deeds angelic, Not when you just take people’s money that way. As much as we know we should donate generously, it’s our own hands that take out the money and put it in the basket, Not you slip hands into our pocket and pick the money you think we should donate. Goodness gracious. Why is this happening at the church?

Last Saturday, I saw that a lot of people are holding this card of a special prayer for The Year Of Faith (which starts from October 2012 – October 2013) and looks like they got the card for free. I saw the card at the table where the women sell the newspapers (again!). Knowing what I know about how the women do their duty, I thought that I had to buy the newspaper to get the card. Fine. So I went there and pointed at which newspaper I wanted to buy. One of the women, again, simply pushed two newspapers for me, but I said, No, I only want one. With a funny look, she put the other one back, and gave me the one I wanted. As usual, not only that I didn’t get back my change, she didn’t give me the prayer card. I just shook my head at these women.

Please correct your ways. It’s really not the right place to display such attitudes. Doing things for the church doesn’t always mean that whatever you do is right especially when it’s against the basic human ethics. Please don’t “pollute” the house of God with these little acts of evil. May they receive help from above, so that they can do their duty better next time.

Saturday, November 24, 2012

The AlVian Scandal: Just A Thought

I came up with this name ALVIAN, since the real names of the couple are already all over the internet. If you don’t know about the scandal of Alvin & Vivian yet, feel free to google it. I summarize it anyway. Looks like they are a couple of lovers who are a bit on their eccentric side when it comes to their sexual life. Doing pre-marital sex, is one thing. Maybe it’s normal for most people. What about Sharing and publishing it for other people to enjoy? That definitely landed them in the land of fame. So is it worth it? Plus, they are both Malaysians. Now that’s really a questionable kind of Fame. Maybe this couple have not followed the case of the steward who almost went to jail for the offense of intentionally publishing his sexual clips. Knowing what trouble the man went through just because of a sex video that he initially took for fun, I knew that Alvin & Vivian gonna get into deeper crap.

I have watched the videos and nude photos of them on Gutter. First, I was surprised how open they are. Not only that they never hide their names and their whereabouts, they are making Nudity/Intercourse a very normal thing. Yeah, maybe that’s ART. Most people thought that they were doing this to get famous. Isn’t that a lot ot stake, when you show your own private parts and your bedroom story videos just to have people talking about you? That’s why, I counted that out. “They can’t be that silly”. See, Alvian? I would rather go with the “Appreciation of ART” just so all this can make some sense. But wait, I read one interview with Alvin, he did say that they wanted recognition for their work. Maybe they thought, taking each other’s nude photos for just both of them to see, is somekind of a wastage of art. Seriously, I didn’t get it. Being 23 and still at college, I don’t know if they have done enough thinking of the consequences. Anyway, they did state a point to support their decision of publishing the porny materials, which is

"We don’t see why people who are sexually-active and/or being open about their sex lives should be treated as sinners or criminals. Sex is a natural reproductive process that really doesn’t deserve to have a stigma attached to it. Close-minded people need to get over it," they said.”

Sex as a natural reproductive process, yes right. But please also consider that, it’s highly suggested that only Adults, who are aware of their action, and who are assumed to have knowledge on the purpose of sex; are fit to have sexual intercourse – in the real idea of sex being the process of reproductive. But too bad, you and I know, sex is not just that. Sex has become a subject of crime when it’s done without the consent of the partner, and when 2 couples who are unmarried have it “illegally”, which then cause a lot of trouble for them when an unplanned pregnancy happens which will lead to baby dumping and abortion. Not to mention, unsafe sex can also spread STD and fatal disease like Aids. So with all the social problems involving sex, it becomes a bit unthoughtful to simply highlight SEX in an innocent manner, just to defend your acts as nothing but Honest and Harmless. You’ ve born in this society since day 1, don’t make it sound like you are shocked to see the feedbacks. Guess what, if you two have really thought about the consequences, you wouldn’t be taking down your blog for damage control. I bet only now you guys realize that you are not the only one who have to deal with the aftermath. You have your parents and siblings who go to work/school and mix with people everyday, who have to deal with people who watch your piece of ART. At least have some thoughts for your old folks who have reputation to keep. 

For me, although I never mention about your respect for a religion, which it’s never brought up which religion are you belong to, but it’s even more misleading for other people to think that just because you two are not Muslims, sex outside marriage is legalized and permitted. You can adapt the westerner way, but that doesn’t make you Westerners. Even Westerners are embarrassed when their private sexual collection leak to public. But you are not. You are still bound with the law of the country you belong to. And whatever your personal belief is about your right as human being, to have and follow a certain religion would help a lot in the your decision making – especially how to live in a community so that we all can remain in peace and harmony. Making sex private doesn’t make you less open-minded. Making sex private doesn’t make you ancient and less fun, or less creative. Unless it’s okay for you to possibly make it as the first video that your toddlers watch in the future, then maybe we believe that you are THAT OPEN-MINDED and that your kids will accept this idea too in their early age. If not, then now you understand the concern of the parents out there. 23 is not that young to start thinking like an adult, who have responsibility. You could still be around for another 60 years to receive the bad impact from this scandal. Are you sure you are still proud of what you have done?

Last but not least, my personal opinion on this scandal is – I dislike it when you guys make SEX look like something really casual, just like going to a party and get drunk and go home. Where it’s all just fun, and no commitment, no responsibilty, and Nothing Special. Some people still believe that sex should be something really special and sacred, to reflect being “the reproductive process” as what you highlited. That people have to vow commitment to live together, recognized by law and religion, before they can do it, in love and affection. And this scandal kills the idea of what suppose to be the most exciting thing about Sex. After all said and done. I’m sure it’s agreed by many that Sex should still remain Private and Confidential. :)

Thursday, November 22, 2012

That's Love In Action :)

I'm sure  that everyday when we wake up and about to start the day, what we have in mind is our daily mission. To do something to improve ourselves, our lives and feel good about it. We always put ourselves first. We hope to go to bed that night with a good feeling of having to accomplish something.

Same with me. I have things to do. Although sometimes I do chip in a few not so useful things in my schedule, but consider it as "take-a-break" activities, that might somehow help to make me feel better although not directly contributing to my work progress.

Today, I went home thinking about some work to settle, so that I'll be more relaxed tomorrow. So I managed to go home early and thought of skipping the kitchen work, especially when my dad has already prepared some nice foods for dinner. So I thought I could really go on with  my plan, to have a quick dinner and go upstairs and finish work. Then I saw my sister-in-law and my little baby nephew. I saw them, I felt like I missed them. They two are a perfect addition to my family. They visit our home every Thursday and Friday every week. I remember that my sister in law has been asking me for my choc cake recipe which I baked a week before. She has this fondness in choc cake, same with me. Just that, taking care of my nephew, she might not have the time. So she asked me again just now, "Did you use some milk making the choc cake?" Out of nowhere, she mentioned about the choc cake. Oh, I forgot I haven't given her the recipe. Then she and my nephew had to leave earlier because they have other plan of shopping with her elder sister. After they left, I was a bit upset. I thought I missed something. I wonder what was that.

Suddenly I felt so concerned about something. Then my thinking bulb lighted up. "I think I'm gonna bake!" I changed my schedule just like that. Although I know that I was gonna get all worn out and exhausted if I decide to bake, but my thoughts for my sister in law was bigger than all the works that I wanted to do. I wanted to pass some slices for my brother to bring home and give to his wife to eat. Of course my little nephew could eat a bit too. I was so determined that I must bake! Yeah, I was exhausted when I finished everything. I had no more energy to do my work. All I have in mind is to rest. What about my work?

"My work can wait." These people must come first, I thought. Then I felt kind of strange thinking that I'm being more thoughtful to my loved ones, for so many times this year. That I put myself below them. I was always the selfish one before. I thought that if I could not do big things enuff for them to recognize, it's better not to do it at all. Maybe I have changed my mind. Any chance that it's possible to do something, I'd do it! Even if it's only in the form of cancelling my plan to finish office work, and bake instead - just so my sister in law can eat a chocolate cake tonite.

It's not much, but I feel delighted. She won't have to thank me for anything, she won't even have to know that I actually decided to bake; thinking that she was craving for some choc cake. She doesn't have to know that I have to double my work tomorrow just because I decided to bake the cake. I still want to do it, because I realize that happiness is not always about others doing things for us, but also when we do things for others - and especially when there's a little sacrifice involved, we know that only those with a heart so big will be able to do it for others.

That's Love In Action. :)

The Land Of The Psychopaths or Just Weirdos?

Everyone is with a mental issue. Would we admit that? We all get weird at times. As weird as can be. When we are weird, not everyone can understand us. And sometimes, we don't even know that we are being weird. Some people even think that we are weird the whole time. Whose mental issue is that? You or the person?

Oh, is this too Subjective to ask?

Who is considered normal? Do you really know those people whom you consider normal? Or maybe it's just a matter of time that you find out the weirdness out of them.

Weirdness. Some people call that mental. It's some kind of unusual mental activity, which then translated to peculiar behaviour. When they talk too much, or when they talk too less. They are just weird in their own way, aren't they?

What if we are all suffering some kind of mental disorder? Yeah, we could be normal most of the time, but we have moments of "we are less than ourselves". How many of us actually care enough to go for checkup and see if this possibility is true. Are we all living in denial, maybe? That we know something is not right, but we go ahead pretending to be a bunch of normal  people, without mental issue. But how sure are we?

Remember about certain fright that we have. Our phobias. Our traumas. Some memories that we avoid, which affect us in a certain way. Some scenes that we avoid to watch, and some occurrences that bring impact to our emotion, while they don't to others. What if we are not much difference from those from at the mental hospital. Are we the more severe case? Cos at least they are getting treated according to the kind of weirdness. At least they should be put in control. What about those who are still at large? Mixing around with people without knowing they are suffering worse than those. These people sure bring troubles to others. Cos their weirdness, they can make others' lives go haywire. Unfulfilled expectation. Expectation from thinking that everyone is normal, just like you. And how normal are you? And how sure are you about that?

Whoa, what is this! Hahahahaha. There are just too many questions that we can ask, and it's okay not to answer them. Some people don't even bother. Of course. Why complicate life, right? In many occasions, I'm seen  as this homo-sapien who just think too much. That could make me a weirdo too, right? Yeah, I'm officially thinking too much. Can I just stop this thinking? Maybe you call it strange, but I saw it as advantages. My weirdness might just make up 90% of my attraction. Or how to we count the percentage? LOLS. I think I'm torturing you guys now by reading all these neverending questionnaires. Can I just close this post and then go to sleep. Lead life as a normal person. Who cares to find out if we have hit the Weirdo button level.

Maybe we are all weirdos. Uniquely weird. Some people call it mental, or just original. Who cares, again? If nobody cares, then just close this book and mingle around wearing the label I'm Normal. Even if we aren't, not everyone is a doctor to find that out. LOLS. So we can just go ahead and be like this, enjoy life to the fullest the way we know, weird or not, mental or not. We are just too smart. We shouldn't think too much. Fullstop.


The Secrets That You Know And You Don't Know

If you can read this, means you know the secrets.

This blog, its address, and everything inside it.

The nick that I use...

The facebook account that I use with this nick.

They are all secrets.

 But not to you.

Just like some of the details that you don't know about my life on the other side.

My real name, my job, my location, everything.

They are not secrets to my family, to my friends, to my relatives.

But they are secrets to you.

Which secrets are more secret than the other?

The one that you are reading right now. 

Cos many at least know a part of my real name, but those who know my real name don't know even some part of my nick. 

Even if they know, they don't know that the nick belongs to me.

These secrets are not even secrets anymore, actually.

Just that, the people from both worlds don't know about the details from the other world they don't belong to.

These secrets never hurt anybody, that's why they continue being this way, for not sure, how long.

How long are they gonna stay a secret, it's still a secret to me.

When will the both worlds finally mix and join, also still a secret to me.

But surely, my world is gonna get different, less discrete -  but could be more fun with a lot more other possibilities.


When will I be ready for that, unfortunately, is still a secret to me too. 

For the time being, lets just enjoy knowing the secrets that others don't know, and just enjoy the curiosity of not knowing the secrets that others know. 

Fair enuff...*giggles

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

A Phone Call Of Gratitude

I remember attending a wedding of a relative last Saturday. A wedding that my parents labelled as “MUST GO” and weeks before that, I had a small argument with my mom just because of that wedding. That was how much my parents disallowed us to make excuses to not attend. Even when I told my mom that I would not mind going if I was not busy with work, she would still nagging to  make sure that I must come. Actually, the groom was my third cousin whom I barely met and talked to. His mom, was my dad’s cousin. And the mom never missed attending any of our events. That alone, was a big reason to attend this wedding. 

When that day finally came, I got a little busy. I was a bit troubled by the thought that I need to make a few hours free just to attend the wedding. I was so troubled. That time, I juggled a few important things. Work was on top of the list. Also, my motivation to go was my sister. She spoiled the mood a bit when she said she won’t be going because she had stuff to do.  I almost just did what the old me used to do, “Don’t bother to trouble yourself”. One difficulty is enough for me to just cancel any plan of attending anything. Anyway, after thinking so much, in the midst of juggling my mind, I remembered something. I said a little prayer so that I could get the best decision ever. Out of nowhere, my vision was just cleared. Wow. Prayers do work wonders.

Suddenly, I thought I was free. All my customers came early so I had no more appointment to cancel. If I didn’t attend the wedding, I would be too free for a few hours. And thinking about how important our attendence was to my parents, then I was just – OKAY LETS GO!! 

Then I paused, O ya, what should I bring as a gift?

It was really a last minute gift I picked from the rack. It was nicely decorated and personalized. I didn’t think much about it. I know it’s nice, and if I’m lucky, they gonna like it, I thought. So I attended the wedding. I remember shaking the couple’s hands at the entrance. I asked the groom, “Do you know me?” He was a bit confused at first, until I mentioned my dad’s name. “Oh, you’re my cousin!” It was only that time that I actually knew he was my third cousin. Hahaha. 

So 4 days after the wedding, I received a call from my dad this morning. He said that the particular just married cousin asked for my phone number. I said, Oh okay. So I thought he only wanted to keep the number for future reference. Less than half an hour after that, my phone rang. A guy on the phone. It was him! I was shocked cos he started with a very big thank you for “such a lovely gift”. I went, “Errr…What?” I never thought that a groom would ever call a guest days after the wedding just to thank for a gift. Hahaha. He also mentioned that he apologized that he didn’t get to meet and thank me personally during the wedding cos he was tied with the program. I laughed and said, Of course! Don’t worry! You were the groom!! And that’s your wedding! Hahahahaha. So after that, he kept saying thank you, and I kept saying, You’re Welcome. Hehehehe. It’s nice, right :)

I came home, and I asked my bro if the cousin called him too. He said no. Looked like he really called to personally thank about the gift. Maybe they really love the gift, right. Well, I feel so warm and grateful inside. The little things that really make the day counts. Suddenly I feel a jolt of – good feeling inside. I feel that what I’ve b been doing all this time – Is totally Worth It. Thanks to Him for this blessing.

Sometimes what you have to do is just Do what you like, Be Yourself, cos it’s the only way to do things with pure sincerity and not really going after appreciation or reward from others.  And go ahead with your life. Good things will bounce back. They sure will. :)

Monday, November 19, 2012

Subang Jaya Apparition: Beyond That Window

First, my readers should already know that I am a Catholic. I was also a Science student for so many years. So I have been using logical analytical thinking and reasoning for as long as I can recall. In Science, everything has its own explanation. Why something happened the way it did. Trying to incorporate my worldly knowledge with my religion, I tried. At one point, I paused and said, Should I? 

Not everything can be explained with Science. If Science can talk, she must declare her approval that the world is full of wonders, beyond human intelligence. Maybe we have not reached there yet, or maybe, simply because There Is No explanation. It keeps life interesting and mysterious that way, agree?

About the said apparition of Mother Mary on the window pane on the 7th floor of Sime Darby Hospital at Subang Jaya, I'm sure you read enough.In this Islamic country where people are from different religions and backgrounds, don't tell me you are surprised to see some really nasty comments from the non-believers. I can go on and and on reading more of the mockeries these people throw indirectly to my religion because of this windowpane phenomenon (Oh, some of them claimed it to be an accidental image caused by fraction and climate etc). 

Let me just go straight to my piece of thought on this. I wouldn't be one of those who will go extremely expressive about the said apparition on the windowpane, or any kind of apparitions I have studied in the past. Being a Catholic who is doing logic thinking, and at the same time a very curious person, I cannot help but to just keep my sight Opened to all types of possibilities. I can't turn my back on proofs, but then I definitely won't shut down miracles just in the name of Science. Leading a life that is much led by faith, with a very strong understanding about human behaviour on their acceptance of the things they don't believe, I just can't help but readily anticipate this. 

If you ask me if I believe that it is the apparition of Mother Mary? I'd answer, "Does it matter?" 

Before that, let me brief you about sthing. Without faith , I could not imagine what would my life be today. Surviving trials isn't easy at all. With all the elements that you can touch and see, there will come a time when nothing else works. Hardship only brings me back to the fact that I need to walk in Faith. This faith gives me hope when things just meet a dead end. And for countless of times, that faith has helped me, people. Science can't explain that, can it? I'm sorry if you are one of them who only believe what you can touch and see with your own eyes, maybe Faith is not for you. But if you don't agree, I understand. Just like when I don't necessarily agree in everything that people say they believe. It's acceptable. So this Faith that I'm talking about, IS ALIVE. It's living in me. Even if there is No apparition on that 7th floor window, My Faith says It's Okay. Cos my faith starts long time ago. And it doesn't starts with apparitions. You get that? Ok good.

If you asked me, do I believe in holy apparitions like the one at Sime Darby Hospital? (which led some "rational people" to accuse the believers to be walking in Blind Faith). I know some of you might see it as a total stupidity for these believers to gather there and pray together, as if the apparition is now a form of God, (like some people would interpret it). What can I say. There are just many things we won't understand when we don't share the same belief. Now that you know this, what expectation can you have for yourself to Understand what it means to them? I'm sure these believers won't expect that you understand. They don't gather there FOR A SHOW. They don't pray together for you to see. They do it because of the feeling of touched and profound - their Faith has lightened. It's really a personal touching experience between them and God. For a non-believer, it's just too easy to jump into conclusion saying that "Oh, look, they are worshiping a window pane because of the image there. Stupidity has no limit".

Religion is more like the way of life. In a language everyone can understand, they practice kindness towards one another. One way to know that your Faith has truly led your way of life, is from what you do, and what you say. Someone who is with good faith definitely "don't speak ill of others" that way. You make me bring up the word RESPECT, once again. If you fail to explain why the apparition means so much to them, at least your can rely on the wisdom of silence, accepting the facts that if you don't understand it from Level 0, don't expect to understand any level higher than that. 

 IT'S ABOUT FAITH. When your faith is alive in you, you will be able to see what your faith can show you. And it has little relation to any kind of apparitions that have been happening all around the world. Because these are only "extras" and "bonuses" for their devotion. They are walking in Faith every single day from the day they know God. From what I can see, the apparitions usually bring a very good impact on the believers. So if the apparitions are doing wonders on their faith, WHY NOT. But if any of these apparitions proved to be false or fake, still, The Faith Are Real. The truth remain Unchanged. God is still the ultimate Truth up there. No apparitions can change that. Last but not least, for those who have not experienced such "miraculous moments", you need a Faith Fix. When you finally have one, you WILL finally understand :)

"The Unpardonable Sin"

This is just sharing an info that I'm sure some of you (Christians) don't know yet. As a Christian and a Catholic, Forgiveness is a big word. Even in the prayer that Jesus Himself taught us, "Forgive us our trespasses and we forgive those who trespassed against us". And we also have this important Sacrament of Confession. Also about forgiveness. It's vital To Forgive before your own sins can be forgiven when you ask for forgiveness from God. In order to repent, not just to regret and make amend, but first, we must first Forgive people who have wronged us. So, when you repent and ask for forgiveness, you'll be forgiven as long as you confess your sins. So isn't it natural to think that "All sins are forgivable"?

I only learnt about this last nite. There is an Exception. "The Unpardonable Sin". Of course you will ask, what is it? Ladies and gents, it's in the Bible.

Mark 3:22-30 states,
"And the scribes who came down from Jerusalem said, 'He has Beelzebub,' and, 'By the ruler of the demons He casts out demons.' …'Assuredly, I [Jesus] say to you, all sins will be forgiven the sons of men, and whatever blasphemies they may utter; but he who blasphemes against the Holy Spirit never has forgiveness, but is subject to eternal condemnation;' because they said, 'He has an unclean spirit'

In Matthew 12:31-32, Jesus says to the Pharisees,

 "Therefore I say to you, every sin and blasphemy will be forgiven men, but the blasphemy against the Spirit will not be forgiven men. Anyone who speaks a word against the Son of Man, it will be forgiven him; but whoever speaks against the Holy Spirit, it will not be forgiven him, either in this age or in the age to come"

To those fellow Christians who are still curious, let me do a little explanation.  After doing some reading, the understanding of the verses is about Rejecting and Not acknowledging the Holy Spirit after what they have learnt and after what miracles they have seen with their own eyes. With the given wisdom to see the truth, they still think it's a work of some evil. Logically speaking, when a human turns a deaf ears or close the opened eyes, there's no way for him get a revelation about the word of God. And this applies that when you continually violate God's law without the slightest remorse, it's considered the worst kind of sin. In easier words to understand, if you claim to  be Christians, you can't at the same time reject the Holy Spirit who has began to work in you since the day you were baptized, and will continue doing so until the next arrival of Christ.

But then...

If one's conscience is bothering him to the point that he feels he is too guilty for God to forgive, he has the assurance of God's Word that forgiveness is possible. The very fact that he is bothered by his sinfulness shows that the Holy Spirit has not abandoned him nor has God given him over to a depraved mind.

 "Seek the Lord while He may be found; call upon Him while He is near. Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts; and let him return to the Lord, and He will have compassion on him; and to our God, for He will abundantly pardon" (Isaiah 55:6).

As long as you COME BACK and REPENT, The Lord will accept with opened arms.


Sunday, November 18, 2012

We Aren't Strangers

To mood swing, to sadness, to loneliness, to challenges, to fright of height, to failures, to trauma, to paranoia, to jealousy, to losses, to grudges, to pain...


Don't act like we never met before. Not only that we have met, but maybe countless of times too. So don't look at me like you just met a stranger, cos we both are not. 

Last  but not least...

Do you mind to get your facts right? Don't act like thugs when you see me again. Don't even look like supermighty. Don't throw me that stare.

Don't look like I Have Never Survived you.

Good if you understand. 

And Oh, one more . We'll bump again but remember my name. I have beaten you up for many times.. The difference now is, I'm just getting stronger. Watch your steps!! :)))))

Hahahahahaha :x


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