Saturday, July 31, 2010

When Genetics Are To Be Blamed

We know that certain things run in the family. Whether it’s some traits, physical resemblance or even illnesses – it could pass from one generation to the next. It’s the genetic codes that cause this to happen. If the mom has dominant genes, more likely the kids will carry the mom's traits. Isn’t it good to have a good resemblance of our parents? That’s why people do care to know about one’s background before they think about taking it further cos they believe that people from “good breed” will most likely produce infants who carry the same traits.

I thought of writing this topic after a visit from my cousin the other day. I could see that she’s getting bigger in size. As a matter of fact, her siblings are all oversize. She has another 1 sister and 2 brothers. I still remember, her older sister used to speak out loud about her new year resolution – “I want to lose weight and become slim”. She also told how she planned to cut meals and go jogging. Years passed by, she never succeeded. Everytime I saw her, she was never smaller. I thought that maybe she never got to make the effort to slim down. Deep down, I understand how much she wanted to have the body that can fit any clothes. As for the other sister, the cousin who visited my workplace – better news for her. I saw her sizing down quite a lot after her college years. Not considered slim but a perfect shape for someone with her height and frame. Maybe the pressure of living away from family contributed to that. But that was years ago. Now she’s back to the size, just as big as her sister. Their other female cousin (who is not related to me) also went to my office last year. She also told me a story how she was once a “gorilla” who quit eating rice for a year just to look like a female again. How she said it make me feel the exhaustion of trying so hard just to get in shape. How she eats soup instead of other delicious dishes at the restaurant and not to mention going to Slim World and trying all kinds of slimming products that she could afford. And looking at the result, she’s still big and people would expect her to reduce a lot more before she can have the shape other women envy. So my cousin’s visit that time told me that she knew it that the Large genetics run in their family. She gets it from her mom (She is related to me through his dad; who is my dad’s brother) Everyone in her mom’s family are big. She said, “We can never slim down no matter what we do. This is genetic.”

Yes, they envy the ladies with small and slim body. They have done their best. They have cut meals and exercise. But they ended up feeling tired without seeing the result. Even if they see the result, it’s never enough and they go back to their old size really fast and only grow bigger from there. How does it feel when you want something so bad but you’re cursed with your genetic traits that you can never look as good as u ever want for your entire life? What if it’s about physical appearance that influence people’s impression about you, and also the opportunities in life that you deserve to get? How does it feel to want something so much but are too helpless that you can’t do nothing about it?

I also have genetic traits that I would wish to do not have them. But after all the years, I still learn to love what I like and make these traits work for me. I found out that when we see something as a weakness, we have something else that balance it for us. At the end of the day, something that we can’t change in ourselves – they don’t have to be WHAT people look in us. We have other things that make people value us. As for my big cousins, the elder sister is a very compassionate and kind person. The younger sister is a smart and firm person. I totally see their values and I never think their genetic trait come in between that. If they don’t succeed as a beauty pageant, so what? They can succeed as a teacher or as a customer service executive, right? I’m glad my cousins can be open enough to say something about them being oversize and not feel down and accept this as “another creation” by God. You don’t argue but you can make it work for you.

So are you one? Not happy with your genetic traits? Never blame your parents or ancestors. Things happen for a reason, and even if they don’t, you can turn it around. From the spiritual point of view, it’s A SOUL with a body, not A BODY with a soul. So our soul is always whole and nothing can hurt it. If you can make that inner beauty shines regardless your physical appearance, I think you will get a big reward from God cos you solve A Riddle that If you can surpass your appearance resulting from your genetic trait, you’ll be given WISDOM not many people have because except for death, nothing can get u down :) That’s what Self-Value gives to those who love the creation that God made in them :)

Friday, July 30, 2010

Why “It’s Ok” is not okay and “I’m Sorry” is something to be sorry for.

Do you guys believe that the simplest words u use can actually be the reason of constant arguments? The mistake that people do is – just because these words are simple – people thought they could use it to simplify a complicated situation. But you guys are wrong. At least I think so.

It’s Ok – No, maybe it’s not ok. You know why? When there’s a problem that make you guys go haywire, both of u know that SOMETHING is wrong. “It’s Ok” is totally out of place to describe the situation. Especially when you guys have started to have an issue about something, suddenly u say, “It’s Ok” when it’s definitely Not Yet Okay. So actually the impression you’re making is – to just forget everything and pretend it never happens. But that’s not the right thing to do because this phrase can make your partner go nuts because instead of settling the problem, you sweep it under the carpet Unsolved. That means the problem is still there, but you put it a stop because u don’t want to work out on the solution. Don’t be surprised if your partner gets so angry when you use It’s Ok excessively. It’s an escapade. Both of you are still keeping the issue inside and if your partner accepts your It’s Ok, chances are anyone of you could bring up this matter during bad times and this adds up to the new problems that are most likely swept under the carpet too when you keep on resorting to It’s Ok. The worst part is when you are not done with the matter itself – this can be the poison in the relationship in the long run.

I would suggest you to SAY IT when it doesn’t feel right. Your partner would expect you to feel uneasy with any issue raised so trust me maybe it’s just u who think that you gonna silent the storm with your It’s Ok. What you are making is a volcano that is waiting to explode when too much matters are kept inside and delayed for solution. So I suggest that every discomfort must be settled before sleep. Even if you have to keep talking about the matter, at least you guys are satisfied when an agreement has been met about the certain issue. Even if you have to hear your partner mumble longer but at least that’s all that u have to endure on that issue. So the key is…Do not make your problem sleep overnite cos that gonna spell disaster in the long run. It’s Ok is not only until you settle it right to the end!

I’m Sorry – This is a phrase that you can say sorry for because sometimes it DOESN’T work!! I’m Sorry is a very irritating line when you think everything will go back to normal after you say it. It’s not so! For example, you did something that needs explanation but you instead of explaining, you present your "I'm Sorry" just so your partner know that you did something that you are not proud of and hope he/she will just take it and forget everything and start a clean slate again! There is something very wrong with this approach because your partner wants to know WHY you did what you did and you should give explanation and maybe excuses or maybe anything just to let your partner know that you REALLY mean it when you say you're sorry. If you try to explain, it shows that you seriously regret what has happened and you mean well that you will not let it happen again. So I'm Sorry becomes a word that you say out of negligence that you expect your partner to just close the case and accept it as a mistake and never know why and how and what led you to making that mistake. So you know, sometimes when you say I'm sorry, it does more harm than good.

I have a suggestion to the couples who always get into arguments. If you guys love each other, and none of you is playing foul to one another - then tell me what's the need of spending another nite in heartache just because of small matters like your partner has to wait another 30 minutes for you to arrive just because you get stuck in a traffic jam or you have to attend to something more urgent - and simple situations like that can't be so hard to solve. When you finally arrive, you say "I'm Sorry" and your partner say "It's Ok" - both of you are only trying to hide discomfort by thinking that it's just nothing. Your partner would prefer you to say reason why you are late but doesn't say it, instead just saying It's Ok when the thought runs wild that you could be using the time to cheat behind her/him. So when you start to have so many unanswered questions and too many assumptions - small things can lead to big arguments because of so many unsettled matters that could start from the simplest things.

So all this leads to one big fact about a relationship that works - Communication is very important. Say it, listen and get heard. Don't rely too much on It's Ok and I'm Sorry cos it's another heart that you are dealing with. It's the heart of the one you love. Handle it with care :)

Thursday, July 29, 2010

How To Handle Your Lover’s Admirers?

I remember the recent talk with a customer when she said she argued with her boyfriend because she was too jealous that her boyf has many admirers. She became so agitated and started to raise issues that ended them up in arguments. I remember telling her, “Is that his fault that he has admirers?”

If you ever be in this situation that your lover has other big fans (other than you, of course), do you think it’s gonna be easy to handle it? I am not so sure myself cos I never really be in that lover’s shoes that has to deal with this. But let’s try and examine what would it feel like to be in that position. Especially when it even happens before your eyes that your lover is like “hot cakes”; a girl or a boy on demand. So is that gonna tough or what?

It’s not fair for me to advice but I can give suggestions. I think that what I told my customer was right. . When your lover has admirers, it’s not your lover’s fault. Let me tell ya a story. My own story. I remember this ex of mine who had to deal with this. I don’t know if I should blame him for being too jealous of was it me who should be blamed. I remember having this work deal with a guyfriend and it sure stole some time. I thought it was innocent cos even if we were kidding like good friends do, but to my ex the guy was trying to get my attention. I still remember that ex even had to warn me, “Strictly business, ok?!” Sometimes I thought he went overboard cos he showed it to the guy that he was pissed. I didn’t understand but somehow I thought it was logical that he felt uneasy with the encounter. But I could tell that the other guy didn’t have a hidden agenda. It WAS strictly business. So one day, when my ex just exploded and said something harsh when he couldn’t handle his jealousy. The guy asked me what went wrong with my ex, I told him – It’s normal. He’s just being too concerned like always. Then the guy said this to me. “Why act that way? What matters in the end is not me or anybody, what’s left is still the both of you, right? Why makes things difficult like this? Ask him to get over his jealousy cos it’s not gonna worth it.” He did make some sense don’t you think?

I think that this is a Test of Trust. If you trust your lover, you know your lover well, you can’t make your jealousy kill that instantly. The guy was right about one thing. These people are only temporary. They come and then they go. Their short visit might stir discomforts but remember that they are not gonna stay so don’t be silly to ruin the relationship just because you let your jealousy and suspicion overpower you. This only creates unnecessary heartache when the fact is that your lover is not at least cheating on you. Think about that.

When people say Trust is very important, I didn’t buy it. For me everyone has to earn that trust by proving it. Loving someone doesn’t mean trusting someone. But I make my fair conclusion on this. I finally find a way to agree that Trust is very important. If not, it’s like living with a ticking bomb. It makes u want to get alert all the time and just wait for the alarm that your lover is flirting behind your back. The bitter truth is, there’s no way u can carry on with a relationship if you have Trust issue with your partner. It’s better off that you guys go your own way and settle with someone who can give you that peace of mind. As for the topic above, it’s just an excuse to test your trust. If you can handle your lover’s admirers, you surely can handle many other little excuses that can make you question your lover trustworthiness. To conclude this…Your lover can have many admirers, but what matters is it’s YOU who your lover admire. :)

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

My Sister’s Red Eyes Story

This is not the first time I wrote about this. This story has many lessons to learn. Read on.

I still remember our little cute cousin got infected with that red eye disease that she got from her babysitter. It was pity for such a little kid to get that illness. My sister was very susceptible to red eye disease judging from her many times having to deal with it. She made a short visit to the little cousin that time. Luckily she didn’t get infected. But that was only until she finally “bragged” about it 2 weeks later. She said jokingly, “Wah, she’s so nice she didn’t pass me the red eye.” Guess what? The next day after she said it, she got the red eye!!

Thinking that it was nothing new to her, she thought the disease was under control and not serious. “Ah, it was just a minor diease.” So instead of getting the proper medication, she just bought Cellfood, a liquid that they claimed could repair the cells. She bought the little spray bottle with RM10. After using it for the day, it didn’t show result. That time, I remember that the government servant received bonus for year end. She got a lot of extra money to spend, just that she planned to spend it on new clothes and shoes. When she suddenly got infected with the disease, she didn’t let that stop her from her initial plan to spend the money on. But she was wrong on one thing. Just because she took it lightly, she thought on saving up on treatment, but it didn’t work because she did not buy the proper medication or even go to the clinic. That could be her second mistake.

She found out that the red eye wasn’t getting better, but got worse instead. The disease was spread to both eyes instead of one. She got panicked. So she finally made the visit to the clinic and got the proper medicine. The clinic visit and the medicines cost her RM30. So it was almost triple from the first spending on the treatment. So thinking that she got the proper medication, she thought everything was now under control. I still remember that my mom was so concerned at her situation. My mom said to her that maybe she should watch what she eats. She said that the old belief says that one who gets this disease, SHOULDN’T eat chicken because this will make the disease worse. But since my sister thought she got the proper medication already, she said, “Who cares what the old belief says. I have the medicine from the doctor.” So without listening to my mom, she went to breakfast the next day at a restaurant with her friends, and she ordered a meal that has chicken. She didn’t care or believe what my mom told her. Guess what? Just after she had the meal and went to her car and started driving, suddenly her vision got really blurry. She said she almost could not see the road. She got so panicked and drove to the nearby eye specialist.

I remember reaching home that evening. I saw new medicines on the table. She told me she went to the eyes specialist because she almost could not see the road while she was driving, just after taking the breakfast. I asked her, So how much does it cost now? She didn’t reply. “You guess.” I didn’t have to guess. I saw the bill beside the medicine. It wrote RM390. Then I was like, “Omg! That expensive??!” She said she didn’t have a choice. She was told to do a second review visit to the same specialist to check her eyes back and that would cost her another RM50.

Only then she realized that Her Health is above any other things. She learnt it a bit too late that she didn’t mind not buying new clothes or shoes, just as long as her eyes could get normal again. Her mistakes were all started from the moment she bragged that she didn’t get infected, despite knowing that she was so prone to the disease. Second was when she bought a supplement that was not even considered a medicine – just because she thought she wanted to save up on the cost and that the disease was not serious since she had it more than once before. Third, she didn’t listen to my mom – even if she only needed to cut chicken from her meal, she thought she couldn’t even make that sacrifice. And to top it all…she thought that HEALTH is something that we can compromise on. Like even clothes and shoes are more worth it to spend the money on. Another thing is, we should be as humble as possible and take advice from the experienced people and never feel that we are too good for that. Especially when we only need to make a little sacrifice. We can’t compromise on our HEALTH.

Sometimes the people who are lacking in everything understand the concept better. I remember this one guy who had to leave his job to get treatment for a disease that was detected early. He had to stay out of town for a month without income. I asked him, “What about your job?” He said, “I have to take a month off. This treatment is more important. Cos if I have a lot of money, it would be useless if I’m sick. If I have a lot of money, I would spend it all just so I can be healthy again.” When he said that, I could not agree more. What happened to my sister really made me learn a lot that without our HEALTH, everything else seems to lose its meaning. So if you fall sick, don’t think that any price that you can afford to pay for the treatment is ever too expensive for your health. Nothing is more expensive than your health as long as you’re still alive. Those people who have been severely sick definitely know better. So don’t worry about the money. If you have health, you can make even more money than what you already spent for it. :)

Note: After that, my sister's approach towards handling illnesses has totally changed. That story was definitely an expensive lesson for her.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

My Next Topics To Wait For...

1. My Sister's Red Eyes Story

2. 25 Awkward Questions From 6 Categories I Make For Me To Answer.

Wait up! :)

Friday, July 23, 2010

How Would You Rate Yourself From 1 to 10?

I remember when I was 13 years old, during this orientation week, we held one session at a beach and did many activities. Just for the fun of it, we were asked to line up, 1 line for girls and one line for boys. They asked a few questions and asked us to change our position in the line, depending on the questions. For instance, make a line with the person who was born first at the front and born last at the back. So we would ask each other our birthday and made the line. It was a way to break the ice so we could communicate more since we were all freshies in the school. So after a few questions that made us go nuts, one of the guy teacher just cracked up this one more. Make a line with the most beautiful/handsome at the front and the least beautiful at the back!! So the girls were going nuts trying to position themselves. I saw a few who went straight to the front, and the only way that they didn’t end up at the most front was when someone else was braver enough to stand in front of them. Hahahaahhaa. It was funny I tell ya. That time, I recall that I was not that friendly with the other kids. I was feeling a bit lost in the new school because they were all brilliant students; hyper, outspoken and everyone thought they were the best from their old schools. I had all the reason to shy away and just hid myself at the corner. *giggles. So I tell ya what I did. I just straight away went to the back of the line and let the girls settled who was at whose front or back cos if I stood in front of someone, the person behind me would feel that I was belittling her, “Hey, you’re uglier than me, ok?” (*Lols) so I just went ahead and put myself at the back so I didn’t have to make anybody feel bad. Hahahaahaha. So after the time was up, the teachers examined the line. I noticed that they only cared who stood at the front and at the back. They didn’t care those in the middle. So surprisingly, the teacher looked at me and said, “You definitely don’t belong there.” Hahaha. So because of that stupid game, the teacher who gave the condition said to us, Ok!! No one is ugly. You are all pretty!! (Maybe he suddenly realized that it was subjective and there’s no way we could tell where we should stand in the line!)

So…I ask you again. How would you rate yourself from 1 to 10? A friend gave me this idea lately. Suddenly he was talking about rating. He said his rating is 3 out of 10. Hahahaahaha. It was so hilarious to know anyone would rate her/himself any number before 5. I mean, Oh come on…are you sure? Are you just being humble? Referring to the little line-up game at the beach, I think my approach is always the same. We don’t argue who is better than who. Just enough for us to know that we are GOOD as who we are, no matter what people say. Even if I put myself at the back of the line, it doesn’t change anything. If I’m good, I’m still good. If I’m average, I’m still average. It’s the same when we speak about ourselves to other people. We can boast that we are so good, or even give ourselves 10 for the rating, but if people don’t agree to it, the rating means nothing. Rating is when people try to evaluate you or compare you. So for their many different reasons, they would make their own reason why they think you are 1 or 10. You don’t walk around with that 10 rating just because your bestfriend think you are a 10. You can just drop to 1 by your customer who thought you don’t do your job well. That’s how it works for me.

So everyone who comes through my office door, might have a rating in their head that 256 is this or that rating. Some of them think I am great, and some of them think I’m boring. I can’t stop them from thinking what they want. It’s just individual evaluation towards us. But I am still the person I am. If I’m good in writing, I'll still be good and no one can take that away from me unless for some reason, I start to lose passion in writing. Speaking of looks, I used to be like the rest of u too. I asked the question, Am I Good Looking Or Not? Cos the people that we meet always give us different impressions about our looks. But now, I never worry about that anymore. Cos to me, I am still who I am. If people think I’m cute or not, it’s from their eyes and not from me. If one person says I look good, I expect nothing from the other person. Cos to me, what they think about my looks is not my business. They have their own reasons. If I happen to learn they give me a good rating for anything, Yes I will be thankful to God that people think good of me. Even if they don’t say it, how they treat and respect me as another human being is good enough. In fact, that’s all the good rating is good, don’t you think?

So…It doesn’t matter if someone gives you a 3, or a 5 – cos maybe they don’t know you well enough. What matters is YOU give yourself a 10 because you know you work so hard, you are nice to people, you always hope for good things for people, you are never jealous of people’s good luck and you love your loved ones unconditionally. For this reason, You deserve a 10 rating NO MATTER what you neighbor says.

So if you ask me How would I rate myself from 1 to 10… Well, I’m sorry. I’m just too humble to rate myself. But just in case you guys have a rating for me, if you are nice to me, I don’t need to know what that rating is. :)

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

A Paradise That Was Never There

Have you ever been in a bitter breakup that almost make you forget how valuable your own life is? Especially when you were not ready, and out of nowhere your lover just popped out the word that it’s the end for both of you. Initially I want to write a different title for this post. But I rather tell the situation instead of giving you guys the name – you decide what to call this later.

Being a broken-hearted person…You know how difficult the days are. Everything in your life seems to lose their meaning and relevance. Imagine the sudden emptiness that takes place. Suddenly you don’t see the colours anymore. All you see is in black and white. It’s so dull. It’s so painful. It’s almost worse than taking your own life.

For someone to be in this situation, it’s normal that the person needs something to regain back the senses to feel alive again. Sometimes they are so desperate to find something to fill that emptiness. I write this article because I want to speak about this situation that many of the brokenhearted people experience. I want to knock some senses into them that they might experience this, and if they notice something, maybe they can do something before they get even lost in their own sad song. Imagine you are a girl who gets into a life of a man who has just broken up with his longtime girlfriend. You can see his teary eyes even if he pretends to speak about his favourite movie. You can hear the sad crying voice that he hides in his laughter. Yes, he desperately wants to pretend that he’s not sad anymore. You come there as a help, with the hope that you can comfort him and make him forget his grievance. If you are in this girl’s place – you must know that you’re in for a risk that this guy might just take you to fill that emptiness. He is still traumatized by his breakup. It’s like a concussion after got hit really hard on the head. He might forget how to love. He might not even know what he’ s feeling at the time. He can’t find the right word to define anything. What obvious is his heart is empty and he must fill it. The pressure to tell his ex that he has moved on, and the pressure to make an act in front of her ex that he could handle the breakup, yes you can blame it on his manly ego.

The pitiful situations that always happen to them is when they find a substitute fast enough that you thought the breakup must not even pinch him. Suddenly he’s showing a lot of excitement that “I’m in love again”. He wants to tell the world about his new girl. He wants to tell everyone that “I am soo happy to be me because I have her”. If you become the spectator, you would feel so puzzled that his excitement is almost exaggerated. You would like to doubt if that’s even real. You never saw him like that. You almost thought the breakup could be a blessing in disguise to have changed a very sad man into a very happy man.

Yes…you guessed it. This is all just FAKE. He creates a make believe paradise to LIE to himself that he’s stopped mourning over his last breakup. All the manifestation of love that he does to the new girl is all a big fat lie. After faking for quite a while, he would realize soon after that finally the Paradise that he created doesn’t look so beautiful anymore. The emptiness that he thought was filled, suddenly feels even more empty than it used to be. The he would realize how stupid he feels about himself. The new girl is so worthy, but it’s too bad that he’s not ready yet to love again. After he builds hope and dreams with the new girl, yes he invited her to that Paradise where he promised to make her the Queen. But when all this has reach a limit, suddenly reality makes everything looks like a kid’s tale. “That Paradise is never there.” In a short period, he smashed someone else’s dream. He has to say I’m Sorry to his new Queen, he has to break all the fresh promises and present his stupid self to the world once again that since his last breakup, there isn’t anything that called Love that has taken place.

Some Breakups are really not easy, right guys? Pity on them who have to do this just to get over the pain. Imagine if you were in the guy’s place who has this dilemma. And then imagine if you were the new girl who suddenly brought in and end up becoming the victim. I write this so you can identify your situation. Don’t fall in that Love Trap. Don’t make things worse by making another person cry. Never rush love after a breakup. It could be just A Paradise that you build, but it’s not there. It doesn’t exist.

Your pain will subside. It WILL. Just handle it like an adult. If it hurts so much, it takes time to heal. Lying to the world only makes you feel a total loser in the end. Gain back your strength with honour. You don’t have to hurt another innocent heart….cos that Paradise that you built, was a paradise that never there.

Note: I feel the emotional side of this post because I know how it feels to be “the new girl” in that situation, and I swear I never want to be that girl again.

Monday, July 19, 2010

“…I Was Once A Waiter Too.”

Wow…whatta title! Haha. Let me make this short and simple. My friend Vic gave me another quiz not long ago. This is the scenario.

I went to a wedding party at a renown 5-star hotel and a guyfriend introduced me to this drop-dead gorgeous hunk-- who has all the physical details that make every girl drools. Okay, that’s how Vic described to me. Hahaha. The guy seemed to be interested in me and we exchanged numbers. From there, we kept calling each other and even went out for movies and dinners. After 3 months of the good companionship, one day the guy finally confessed to me his feelings. He wanted us to be more than friends. Of course I jumped at it and accepted him right away, considering that we have been spending good times for months and the good chemistry that we have.

One day, I went to work as usual. I worked in a big building where there were many other companies besides mine. I worked as a high rank officer with a salary of RM9K. So at this given day, I went to one of the toilets in the building where I heard a very familiar voice. You guessed it. It was the hunk that I dated almost every nite. I was so shocked to find out that the hunk, wearing a uniform, which tells that he’s one of the cleaners in the building (Okay, blame it on Vic’s hilarious mind Hahahahaha) and I stood there with my eyes wide opened. He looked at me with joy, yes, while holding his cleaning equipments. (*Lols). Then he looked at me lovingly and said, “Dear, remember our date tonite. Be on time okay?” In your logic mind, What would the best face expression that you can give? Hahaahahahahaha. My oh my, I could imagine myself looking as if I just got electrocuted . I mean, What?? The handsome hunk that I went out for a few months is actually a cleaner in the same building where I work? Erks!! Then another guy, which was also a cleaner like him, came and stopped while he was looking at us. “So is that your girlfriend?” Ahaa…that adds salt to the wound, as you would have guessed. Hahahaahhahaa. This is so freaking funny. Vic, I don’t know where u get such practical joke. Okay nevermind. Then the question is,

“Would you still go out with him that nite?”

I paused for a while and answered to him. “YES.” Of course Vic tried to make me regret my answer by reminding me, Omigawd he’s a cleaner and you’re a high rank officer!! Aren’t you ashamed?? So I continued. Of course I would be shocked. But I think I would get back to my rational thinking after a while and Yes, even if I gonna do something cruel, I would still go out that nite. I would use the time to clarify EVERYTHING. Although it was not logic that I didn’t know his job and lying was not an issue in this scenario so nevermind, I just went ahead and entertain such question from Vic. *Lols.

So the issue is – I work as an officer and he works as a cleaner. What would my friends and family say? What about my staff and my bosses? I would be a laughingstock for dating a cleaner. Yes, that’s the general idea that comes to our mind. But I think if I were really in that situation, I won’t get panicked first. Cos Vic told me I earned RM9K from my position so isn’t that a big amount? And the hunk, with his physical qualities – Oh man, it doesn’t take a genius. Yes, he might work as a cleaner for quite sometimes, SO WHAT? I’m not that silly to punish someone for a job experience. I think that even Donald Trump started somewhere and he didn’t just pop out and be the multi-billionaire. So my first mission would be – UPGRADING my guy!! I could change his career with my influence or with the money that I have. I swear I would do that. Do you think I’m silly to dump such a guy just because he was once working as a cleaner? So Vic was surprised with my answer, again. Mine was unlike what most of his female friends’. I gave a totally contradict answer. But I’m sorry. I am way too rational.I could not go wrong with this one.

So the issue next was the reaction of my friends and family, that even after I have turned him into a manager of a newly-formed company, but still his past as a cleaner could still be raised. Imagine during an event , a relative came to me and said, “Is it true that I heard your boyfriend was once a cleaner?” What would I answer? I would answer, “Yes, what’s wrong with that? I WAS ONCE A WAITER TOO” So with that, I could close every mouth that talks in envy. If I have achieved somewhere now, people don’t care if I have once worked as a waiter or even a cleaner or anything, you name it. So I would tell people I was ONCE a jobless too and I started off by working as a waiter and a cashier and even shop assistant and LOOK where I am now.

You see…small issues like this become big when you listen too much from other people’s mouth who still talk even if you are A Wonderwoman or A Superman. It’s their job to talk. If you stop living your life or you let this stop your happiness , Pity on your ladies. If you want to know, I don’t mind dating an SPM leaver. I don’t mind if he failed his Maths paper. I don’t mind if he has a certificate in typing and nothing else. Cos those past certificate you don’t bring with you or post it on your forehead. Trust me people don’t care. If he can present himself well, he has a job and he has positive attitudes in life, YOU CAN KEEP your certificates cos I don’t want to know. I almost argued with my sister a few days ago when she thought I was being funny that I said I didn’t mind dating a guy with only SPM, provided that he has a current job. It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t work as a manager or a director. My oh my, what do you people expect? We don’t bring ranks and positions to the grave my dear friends! You can gather all the men with positions and lets say they are ready to be picked by you – Call yourself lucky if you can find one that you think gonna be a good lifemate to you. The fact is, it’s not easy! So if I find one, but he has not yet achieved anything , I tell you if that stops me from dating him, I would break all barriers and use my advantage and hopefully I do something that makes people happy. Cos to me, I DON’T CARE what people think when I’m happy with who I am, what I have and who I have in my life. That’s all that matters. So to all of the guys out there who are embarrassed with their job…if you have a positive attitude, you can go far. It doesn’t matter if you start as a cleaner. To me your humble heart will make you A Dream Guy to many ladies out there. :)


Love Triangle: My Analysis - PART II

Continuation from Part I.

When I was Girl A in the past, the guy went for Girl B because he didn’t get Commitment and Security from me. Even if he thought I was excellent in other things, still guys do need security. They want to sleep well at nite knowing that the girl will still be his the next day. Not able to commit is giving them a hard time. Too much emotional roller coaster would also put the guy in a fragile mode. He got tired of dealing with jealousy everytime. Maybe when I was still too young to understand, I might just blame the guy for being a player. I thought that he must not change heart especially when I didn’t do anything wrong to deserve that from him. But maturity tells me that when Love comes, it doesn’t mean it will stay. For so many different reasons, Love would fly. So when it happened to me, I did not complain or blame Girl B. I did not tell myself that Girl B is better than me and make myself suffer even more. I told myself that might give him the thrill, but maybe he only wanted simplicity. I accept the fact that everyone wants to settle with the best they can reach and when he picked Girl B doesn’t make me lose points cos there is someone out there who might think I am the best to settle with. Sometimes things are just not meant to be. So it is not that pitiful to be Girl A. Tell yourself that your destiny is someone else and he’s out there. Just let the guy go freely.

When I was as Girl B, usually it was accidental. All started with friendship. Sometimes I didn’t even know that I was actually Girl B. I didn’t know I was interrupting and I didn’t know how far I have caused someone else’s relationship goes shaky. After learning that I was actually the third person in the picture, and if I have the same feeling towards the guy, at one point I just chose to be passive and reevaluate my situation if I should stay or not. Of course we usually care if we become “the bad girl” in this situation. I surely don’t want to be the bad girl. But if you’re interrupting a boyf-girlf relationship, your logic mind tells you that people break up everyday. It’s normal. So when you happen to be the reason why their relationship goes shaky, anything else could be that reason of that shakiness should you not be that reason itself. Just like when I become Girl A, anything could go wrong between me and my guy so we just have to accept it if it runs its course. We understand that lover relationship is still in the process of evaluation whether each other is the best person to walk the aisle with. So when something doesn’t work out, it’s not the end of the world. If the guy is determined that I am the person he wants to be with, and although he feels guilty towards Girl A, he still has to pick one. So if he goes with his feeling, he might pick me and if he is overcome by guilt, he might still carry on with Girl A. So to me, I don’t have a say in that anymore. If the guy picks me, I could not refuse just because I think I’d be cruel to Girl A because when it reaches that extent, things can’t never go back to normal again between them even if I’m willing to sacrifice and leave. So just like you would want to pick the best for yourself, you must understand why people would do the same so why don’t let everyone exercise their right in picking who they want to live with. Stop pointing fingers and blaming whoever in the place of Girl B. Sometimes it doesn't necessarily have to be you. The guy would still look for someone else to be Girl B when he’s not happy with Girl A anymore.

Yes, the damage is done. Someone needs to be blame. It’s easy to attack Girl B with, “If the guy can do it to Girl A, he can also do it to you. Just wait for your karma.” If you say this, means that in whatever situation, you think Girl B is always guilty. Wait until you, being that innocent, naïve and all – still finds yourself in Girl B position. The guy picks you and insists to be with you. You don’t have a bad intention. You can’t force the guy to stay with Girl A just because you want to save the situation and be the angel in disguise. Just accept this as a process of looking for a match. Why make too much fuss about it. Bottomline is, a relationship needs 2 and only 2 persons who mutually want the relationship with each other. Whoever has to leave will find a match that share the mutual feeling. Make it that simple.

As for the Guy…whether you’re a real player who can’t lay eyes on one girl only or you’re just a sincere lover who wants to settle with the one you love the most – If you create this Triangle Love, you must NOT keep it that way for a long time. You MUST dissolve this Triangle and make a choice. Cos if you can’t, no matter what your reason is, you’re automatically a greedy womanizer, which I’m sure, you have more than 1 triangle in your life. Creating a Triangle Love is already something unfavorable so something needs to be fixed if you want to prove that you DON’T intend to hurt anybody. Once this triangle is formed, at least someone MUST get hurt.

Like my friends say, sometimes the guys don’t want to make a choice cos they want to keep both. In this case, I would agree to all the bad names the girls have for the guys who are caught in this situation. There is this one case where my friend who was Girl B, got to talk to the Girl A of their own love triangle and found of that the guy was lying to both that he would leave “the other girl”. So they both felt cheated so they both dumped the guy. I would say, Serves You Right to the guy cos he’s enjoying the whole thing and technically fooling both of them. It’s obvious that the guy only wants to make some collection of girls and is not ready for a commitment – How selfish. I salute the 2 girls for making the right move by dumping him.

If you create this Love Triangle, you must be responsible and settle it the good way. This triangle must be dissolved. MUST be dissolved, I repeat. Who gets hurt from this, move on. Who gets a love tie strengthen, keep it that way as long as possible. Avoid more Love Triangle in the future cos next time it could be you who get hurt. :)

One more thing that you men should know about girls...

WE DON’T SHARE OUR MAN. You make your choice and let the other one go. Or if it’s so hard, maybe you can say bye to both. Fair enough. :)

Love Triangle:My Analysis - PART I


Love Triangle is a situation when a normal relationship that should have only 2 persons in it, receives an addition of a 3rd person. The first object is the person at the first point of the angle, which then connects to 2 points at different direction that form another 2 angles and that makes it a 3-angle (Triangle). Since the female population outnumbers the male population, the 2 angles are usually girls. That means, the dilemma is usually between 1 guy and 2 girls. Let me elaborate a bit on characters of each point.
Refer to the picture.
Point 1 (Guy):
He has a special someone, who is Girl A. He lays eyes on a Girl B later on. There are 2 types of category he could belong to.
Type I : He is just the player type. He has Girl A and he still looks for someone else who is as good or more attractive than Girl A so that’s how he drags Girl B in the picture. He wants them both.
Type II: Circumstances put him in a situation where he is closer to Girl B than Girl A. So he finds himself more connected to Girl B but still in an existing relationship with Girl A. He is torn between his own feeling to Girl B and guilt to Girl A.
The Issue: A relationship must only have 2 people. He cannot be greedy by wanting both or by not making decision who he wants to be with. He must know what he wants and who he wants to be with. People say that guys who has to pick between 2 girls are guys with wandering eyes and are womanizers. But logically, everyone wants to settle with the best person they can reach and maybe the Guy is only doing his humanly nature to keep looking for someone better. No matter what, since he has dragged 2 girls in the situation, he will still considered guilty no matter who he picks because he has to hurt the other one.
Point 2 (Girl A)
She is the first girl in the Guy’s life. She could be the girlfriend, the fiancée or the wife of the Guy. She knows she has the right over him. To her, she is the Guy’s commitment and responsibility.
Point 3 (Girl B)
She is the girl that comes latter in the picture. She is considered the Intruder in the relationship. Is she always a bad person when she’s called an Intruder? There are 2 types of Girl B.
Type I: She knows the Guy has someone but she purposely want to try her luck if she can still wins the Guy’s heart. To her, The Best Girl Wins.
Type II: She is not aware that the Guy has someone special already. Even if she does know, she thought it doesn’t concern her. But later on, situations put her in a position where she starts to get connected with the Guy and finally aware that she could be the intruder. She is torn between her feelings for the Guy and guilt towards Girl A.
The Issue: Whatever it is, Girl B is the third person in the relationship. If it’s marriage, it makes it sound even worse. It’s hard to give a good name to the girl in this position. People say that if she’s really nice, she won’t interrupt people’s relationship at all cost. If she goes ahead with the guy, she is considered heartless by building dream over Girl A ‘s tear and then sooner or later, karma will get back to her for doing this.
Now you guys are clear about the roles in the Love Triangle. Most girls out there surely have the experience of becoming Girl A or Girl B. You know how it feels to be the girl whose guy is stolen by someone else, and then you know how it feels to be the girl who steals someone’s guy. I also have experienced both – although not as dramatic as what happened to some of you. People say, Girl A is the Victim and the most pitiful person in this situation. They could be right. Because she must lack in something for the guy to start looking for another. The fact is that, maybe they are wrong too. She could be all that but still the Guy is hunting for a new person. Maybe this isn’t about what’s lacking In Girl A. Sometimes people change with time and surrounding. Mixed with chances and circumstances, anything could just start a spark between the Guy and Girl B, even if Girl A is already everything the Guy would ask for. It’s strange but it happens.
To be continued to Part II

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Stolen Identity: How Scary?

Imagine, when you are doing your everyday thing with your online thing – whether you’re going to chatrooms or even social sites, replying e-mail from your social and work needs – How would you react when you find out that another person out there, is doing all the same thing, but using YOUR identity? Imagine when you are using your nickname as your Fb name and a picture that purposely show only half of you, and you come across someone who is using your REAL name in the Fb, and putting your REAL full picture? IMAGINE!! Isn’t that scary? When you peek into the Info, she got your details accurate from birthday to hometown and even schools. I mean, even you yourself don’t want to share all those details but this impersonator just revealed it to the whole world what and who you are. IMAGINE THAT!! Isn’t that SCARY???

This happened to one of my online friends recently. She asked for my help the other nite to report this by using the button Report/Block This Person that is provided in all Fb page. Fb will need the Fb address of the real identity owner. That’s only something that we can do when something like this happens. But it still doesn’t do much to curb this “Impersonation” by the traitors who have nothing better to do with their time. I tell you, it would be a NITEMARE for me if something like that happens. But as long as online world is concerned, Do I have the potential to become the victim of this?

You guessed it. Mine was low. One of the reasons is because so far I have built quite a strong online identity, some of my online friends back then even think my online identity as Twofivesix[256] is invincible. I never actually thought of this crime of stealing someone else’s identity so when I finally saw it, I have myself to thank that I have been using this online identity to do my social online activities. I never imagined that because of this, I have saved myself from the risk of stolen identity because only very few people know who I am in the real life. Some people are surprised how I do it. I manage to separate both worlds. But I think that’s how it should be. I get less distraction and I am able to take a break from each world by going to the other world. But this maneuver saves me from people who want to mess with my real identity, not that I think anyone would have the reason to do that.

My advice to my friends here is… Your transparency could get back to you in unfriendly ways. Now that you guys have gone halfway being transparent especially telling your real name and everything, at least now you see HOW technology can make it easily for people to give more troubles and headache to you when someone is making a practical joke by creating your alter-ego and speaking things for you. The bad side of this is when this impersonator speaks all the wrong things that actually affect the real you. This can go back to you when other people learn something about you from someone who steal your identity. This can lead to bigger and bigger mess if the person really wants to turn your life upside down. Especially when the person is also in the same circle of people that you mingle with. I don’t want to imagine what is the worst case scenario. All I know is it’s a freaking nitemare. I have seen how my friends jokingly use my nick in the chatroom and start copying my way of expressing myself there. I felt SO FRAGILE cos anything bad that they write could affect people’s impression about me. I remember telling them jokingly, “Please watch what you write when you are borrowing my nick, ok?” Now we are talking about YOUR REAL identity. If you can tell the person “to be nice while you are using my identity”, I don’t think the person would even dare to do that in the first place. These people must have funny intention before they even have the time for this. If only you know who is that traitor among these people who you know.

You like something like this to happen to you? You don’t? Good. Don’t do it to others. Get a freaking life and if you claim to have one, go get a freaking better thing to do with your time.

NOTE: I remember back then when a well-known chatter started messaging people in the chatroom by telling them that “I have slept with ***** last nite”; who was also another well-known chatter that time. Everyone was in shocked but didn’t tell until the real nick owner came online and was asked directly about that in public. “Hey, +++ said he slept with you that nite, true ka? Nda sangka o kau perempuan mcm ni.” The girl looked really silly trying to deny it and she gained a bad name just like that. Until the guy whose nick was stolen came and messaging everyone that someone stole his nick (with slightly a different spelling) and slowly cleaned his name and the girl‘s. I tell you, this can go serious. Don’t mess with people’s identity or you wait for your karma. Fair enough?

Friday, July 16, 2010

Urang Kita Punya Style

I still remember a few years ago when my first brother was hired by a Singaporean contractor. He asked my brother to look for other potential workers and my brother kept suggesting some of the people he knows. The Singaporean boss said, “The local people have this certain attitude. The typical ones can never be excellent workers.” Cruel you said?

Today I totally agree with him. The typical local people have this attitude of “Cakap tidak serupa bikin”. They want to achieve the moon and stars but they don’t even dare to step on the sand. Oh come on!! You guys imagine la. Cakap berapi-api. Kalau buli sampai Utopia lagi. Macamana mau business kalau mcm tu? Orang mau bagi dia business, telefon pun tidak mau angkat. Punyalahhhh… aduiii aduii… camana tu geng? If you claim to be professional, tapi telefon pun tidak mau jawab. Camana kalau org ada buat urgent order? Sudah la macam tu…itu order janji 3 hari…kali tinguk 1 minggu pun belum ada. Haiyoooo…ini baru laaa… Bila orang sms, tidak mau balas. Bila tanya satu soalan pasal product, pukul 3 tanya, malam baru jawab. Selamba ja cakap, “Sorry, sia tengok wayang tadi.” Doiiiiiiii??

Sudah tau perangai macam tu, ada peluang ja mesti promote2 macam2 lagi jenis service and product yang lain. Seolah-olah semua di hujung jari saja. Tidak pandai sedar lagi yang diri tidak efficient and tidak mampu untuk handle tu benda semua. I was so pissed dengan perangai macam ni. Doiii…camana la mau maju ba kan??

Mau tidak mau..sia pun cermin diri sendiri. Sia rasa sia sendiri pun buat benda tu semua. No wonder la kita orang local ni susah sikit mau maju. Slow mcm siput. Terlampau banyak alasan. Hal2 kecil pun jadi sebab why we delay things and tunggu esok saja. Sikit2 hal, mesti cakap…Alah sorry lupa. Alaa belum lagi buat. Alaaa…buli ka esok? Sia rasa ini la akibat terlampau manja. Pendatang tanpa izin pula yang maju di tempat kita. U guys jangan complen, u guys jangan mengeluh. Daripada dorang la kita tau yang kita ni sudah “naik lemak” sebab tidak mau susah sikit. Semua mau yang bagus2 saja, yang senang2 saja, yang percuma saja. The reality is, kasi enjoy the show saja la tengok orang lain maju.

Macam dorang sudah tau dorang boleh earn extra money dengan buat extra kerja...kasi korban satu jam masa tidur -- Pun tidak mau buat juga. Pasal hal2 kecil saja pun kasi waste tu peluang untuk earn more. Time management pun teruk dan always tidak menepati kata. Maybe inilah dia style urg kita yang menyebabkan kita ni selalu dianggap suam2 kuku saja dalam benda2 yang kita buat sehari2. Cos memang pun betul. Bila kita cakap kita cakap plan kita mau itu ini, macam semuanya kita sanggup buat. Tapi lebih sudu dari kuah. Daripada satu urusniaga kecil pun u ble tau macamana perangai org tu kalau handle. Kalau dia cakap Isnin, mesti Isnin. Bukannya bagi alasan yang paling remeh di dunia mcm, "Sorry la lambat. Sia pi tinguk wayang kemarin." Tukk koii...

This is not a punishment. Something could change. If we don't change today, don't hope for the moon and sky, when we can't even walk properly! This has to change!!

Now!! *Sighs.

If we don't, this is the label that we gonna pass to our next generation. Do you want? You don't, right? Re-label Urang kita to something that we can be proud of. Those before us failed to do it. It's our turn now. Lets do it. Change the attitude. Change the mentality :)

Good Friends Don't Come Often

I always say that Friendship is so undemanding. I always preach that friendship has less constraint and it makes you simply be yourself without having to hold your breath. That’s what I said back then. Now I have to rethink again if I am making sense or not.

It appears to be that everything that we do, it has impacts on our friends. You never know when you gonna hurt them. I never think of myself as someone who always take good care of my friends’ feelings. As a matter of fact, I think I am very selfish enough. I do what I want for myself, and then only I care to look around for, “Anybody got hurt or not? Are they my friends?” Well, I don’t know what u call that. But when my friends get hurt, I DO CARE. I do care which part of my doing that hurt them. I DO CARE. I want to know when I should say sorry and make up for something that I don’t intentionally do.

I don’t have a lot of friends. Even in online and even offline world. Eventhough they are few, but they are the few selected ones. I am not picky but I have a way of knowing if I can connect with certain people or not. If yes, then something could happen from there. I have always been this way. Even as a grown up now, I feel that my friends are even more vulnerable to my actions. I can do something small and I could lose a friend the next day. I can sense that it’s so easy to hurt them. I don’t know what else to do. Sometimes I’m stuck here, wondering: What has gone wrong now? Sometimes our friends are affected by the smallest decision. I’m wondering so much. I think that in everyday conversation, there’s always a heart that get hurt.

Maybe they are just being concerned about us. They are concerned they we might make mistakes. Maybe they care for us that much. They don’t want us to get hurt and they see that we are taking the wrong path. Maybe they are just following their guts and do their part as a friend. But WHY does a friend has to get hurt so much? It doesn’t have to be that way. We try to feel the happiness instead of looking for pain beneath our friend’s happiness. Yes, of course our friends could be making mistakes. But everyone makes mistakes. If you think your friend Is making a mistake, tell your concerns. Don’t ruin the friendship just because you keep things for yourself. Protect this friendship. Goodfriends are those who are able to talk anything, not only happy news, but also their concerns, their problems – cos conversation makes friendship alive. When you start keeping something, you gonna put in line the friendship guys. Don’t do that. Preserve the good things. It’s hard to find for real friends…Once we found some… Keep them. We might not find their replacement in this busy world full of jealousy and backstabbing.

Keep the friendship alive guys… Please. Lets go back to the conventional friendship. No judging. No demanding. Just happy people who hang out sharing a sincere bond. :)

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

“Sorry, Saya Tiada Masa.”

This is a story about how my Prof taught me a lifetime valuable lesson.

Time is always an issue in life. Oh that’s too fast, that is too slow , this thing has to submit tomorrow, oh that thing can wait another few days, oh we are late or what! We come too early! – Those are the everyday things that we often speak. It’s always about time. Who could have guessed, after struggling with bad time management despite being a student who “was paid” to study – I finally got “a slap of reality” from my Prof. I set the record straight during 30 years in his teaching experience that he finally found a student who gave the excuse, “Sorry I don’t have time.” Yes!!! That silly!!

I still remember it was one Very Tough paper. I took it during a short semester that only a few students took the same paper so the lecturer gave the full attention to the students. So what happened to me was, I was getting myself busy with my hobby with computer work. Mind you, I was not sent to school doing computers or graphics. The Prof doesn’t have to know what I like doing. He doesn’t have to care. Cos what he should know, he was in charged of a tough subject that I must score to graduate. But maybe I was in the jinx of my bad years, I just got too excited with my extra work. I was hired to do something by an organization that could earn me money and then I could show my skills. Chances like that don’t come always. So I was so occupied with my other work WHILE I should be doing my schoolwork. When the Prof asked me to come, I said, “Sorry Prof, I had to finish my work first. This is a paid work. I must meet the deadline.” Goshh 256, were you crazy or what? I said that to a Prof, who was trying to help me to graduate, and I gave the superstupid excuse that “Sorry, I don’t have time for that.” I cancelled a few class sessions maybe because I had long decided that my heart was NOT in my course anymore. But did the Prof has to know? Nope he didn’t have to. To hell with what I think. What the Prof knew was to give me a grade. If the grade was bad, I might land in trouble. The Prof has the power to do this. But yet I didn’t care. I totally lost it, don’t u guys think? Ok save it! Hahahaahaha.

I got warned before by my the senior friends that in higher learning institute- it’s not like primary/secondary school where you are evaluated totally from the final exam paper. In college or university, the lecturers have full power on your grade. You can be nice to your lecturer and expect to get A. I totally broke that rule. I wasn’t nice to my Prof. I threw bad attitudes in my studies and I gave the worst excuses to skip classes – I was officially the SuperBad 256 wearing a Devil mask in my Prof’s eyes. The peak of the story, I went to the final exam trying to make up for all the skip classes. I thought I was going to pull it off and earned at least a PASS remark for that subject. I didn’t know what the Prof did to my paper. Maybe he didn’t even look at it. Maybe he threw it away. I don’t know. What I know is, he gave me a FAIL for that paper. At once chance when we bumped into each other, he told me, “You said you don’t have time. So I don’t have time to check your paper.” Then I was soo sooo devastated by my Prof’s evil maneuver to get back to me. “No he could not do this to me!!!!”, If I were to scream out loud. It was crazy and it was driving me nuts.

So I had to retake the paper. I had to meet the Prof again but this time- I never skipped one session. I had to meet him without anguish in my eyes, although I hated him so much. But I went through with it until the course was done. But hear how it all ended up. On my graduation day, while I was walking on the stage to receive my mock transcript, my eyes ran towards the bunch of lecturers who sat not far from there and my eyes stuck at my Prof, who was looking at me that time – With A Smile. I smiled back quickly and went ahead and took my certificate. I decided that the smile and the stare from my Prof was the Most Meaningful that I could recall that time. That was the smile coming from a person who made me paid for my mistakes – who would NOT let me graduate until I learnt the most valuable lessons in my life. Something inside me said to me that, “If he let me pass the paper, I would become a graduate who is intellectually handicapped. I won’t know how to respect my time and people’s time. I won’t know how to make full use of my capability given the limitations. I won’t know how to take things seriously and professionally cos in the reality of job world, your personal matter has nothing to do with your job. Oh man, he taught me a lot. And from cursing and swearing him – I finally swallowed my own words and decided that he’s the face I owe something to should I reach somewhere, someday.

After I graduated, I became a changed person. I took a few extra courses in different organizations and I got good remarks from other people because I am serious and focused, I respect people’s time and I appreciate every knowledge that the tutors teach. Maybe it was out of trauma or phobia – but this one is really helping me to build Who I Am today. Yes I was embarrassed. I was ashamed. But still, Thanks is the best word to my Prof for the lifetime lesson. :)


Tuesday, July 13, 2010

How Silence Helped Me…

Yesterday was very trying for me. I don’t like surprises. When it’s not a good one, I always give a foul reaction. Foul reactions only give rooms for regrets. I hate regrets. I don’t want to regret anything. Not anymore.

The news I received gave me mixed reaction. I was too shocked at first, I didn’t even know what to answer back, even if it was the form of text messages. I just paused there and my brain was defining that “Oh No, this is a bad time,” so that’s when something sharp coming from inside. It’s a kind of pain, I’m sure. But a little voice in me said, “Hey hey, this is too early. We don’t know yet the right reaction towards this.” The little voice could be right. I was too shocked. I didn’t know how to react towards it, and what kind of emotions should involve. “This pain is premature. No, not yet.”

But the pain was tearing my heart apart because I gave in to my weaknesses by running my assumptions at a very high speed. From just the little news, I made up the beginning and ending of the story that happened so spontaneously inside my mind that I almost forgot that I MADE THIS ALL UP. The assumptions were like almost a composition of a complete book. “No, no, something is wrong. I can’t build this pain over assumptions. I can’t be this stupid.”

I needed the silence. Only in silence I could really be fair to my judgment without getting influenced by so many different elements that come from my brain. When I’m in silence, I can be rational again. I can focus. It’s not a fun journey. At one point the sharp pain kept tearing the flesh and forced my eyes to become watery. I couldn’t explain why so many things were struggling inside me. It wasn’t an easy emotional journey. I should just let it out if I had to. Oh God it was so not easy. Surprisingly, if I had to cry a tear, a tear was all I need. This is the little journey. When you have to be sad and upset, just let it run its course. Don’t fight it. If u had to wet your pillow, then do it. But if you can hold it, hold. You have so many things to do during that silence. You tend to see things more clearly and the more your thoughts run, the more possibilities that come to your head. Suddenly your view is so broad. Instead of seeing things in 2 dimensions, it becomes 3. You guys know one thing? It’s during the silence when Wisdom actually takes the empty space. Trust me. Suddenly I didn’t feel like crying anymore. Suddenly I began to see reasoning and was not too obsessed with my assumptions. Suddenly I remember the saying that goes like 99% of what makes us worry – is NOT true. So just imagine how much energy is wasted. It’s all Over Nothing.

So when I woke up this early morning, my heart was light. My lips could form a smile. Suddenly the pain was gone. Suddenly I wanted to laugh at how I was the day before. Finally I could talk again, but this time I talked with senses. If only I allow myself to talk the day before, I could have said many stupid things over my false judgment. I could hurt people and I could end up hurting myself. I could end up feeling stupid and the list goes on. They would go straight to my Regrets list. I have Silence to thank because if gives me the space I need to really digest the details of my situation and make wisdom helped me to generate the right kind of response.

I finally settle the matter really well. Everyone is happy and no one has to spend another nite crying. You don’t have to rush things when u are not sure how to react. Just allow silence in for the interval and you’ll be surprised How Wise you could become after that Silence. Silence has helped once, I sure will need its help again. Try it :)

How Does It Feel Like…

I have a few questions in my mind throughout the day.

How does it feel like loving someone and not thinking about that someone when you’re with someone else?

How does it feel to spend all the fun nites together and not remembering anything about those times when you are not lonely?

How does it feel like having someone’s name on your lips every hour and simply chew it like it’s never even there?

How does it feel like to know how much someone cares for you for all the days before and just simply forget it in one day?

How does it feel like when you say all the nice words and for all the days and suddenly throw that stranger look at the person in one day?

I ask because I really don’t know how it feels like.

I wish I could never do it to anyone I care. Ever.

Cos I think it could hurt so much...

I wonder would be inside the heart of anybody who dares to do that to someone they care.

That's why I ask those questions.

Maybe I don't need answers. I just tell myself that I

I would Never Ever do that to someone I care.

I can promise that.

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Mani The Parakeet Vs Paul The Octopus. Are You Serious?

The World Cup this year is very interesting. Who would have guessed that the older the game is, the more superstitious it gets? Hahaha. I mean, who am I to speak of this. I haven’t watched a single match on tv and only watched people’s behavior chanting over their favourite team and then smashed the door when they lost the bet. Hahahaa. It’s fun. But speaking of being Superstitious…I can’t help but hear about the popularity of the Modern Era Oracles that get high profile media coverage. I mean, WHAT? They aren’t human? Freaking kidding me! Hahahahahaha. If I ask you to guess which animal can be so close to being a clairvoyant – Maybe you would guess that it could be a dog? a cat? A bird? Okay a bird is possible because some birds can chirp and even talk. So here comes Mani The Parakeet (a type of small parrot) owned by an Indian restaurant owner in Singapore It picks the winner using its beak where it would pick the rolled paper which has the name of the team. So far, Mani has made correct predictions for the 4 quarter finals successfully. And guess what, out of nowhere…the competitor of the bird, which is two times more famous than the bird is…What? An Octopus? Okay, I gave that reaction too. Hahaha. Isn’t it cute? Need no introduction, it’s Paul The Octopus. I learnt about it sooner than I learnt about Iker Casillas so you know this must not be just any octopus. *giggles. Paul the Octopus is not new in the profession. It has been predicting for Germany football team even before the World Cup (2008 European Championship). Its predictions are correct 11 from 12 matches. But for matches that include Germany for this World Cup, Paul is a sharp shooter. It predicted wins and losses of Germany team, correctly.

As a layman who only watches and listens from afar, I see all this as something so explosively interesting and rather Hilarious! Hahaha. These animals even earn a portion in the primetime news on tv, recording them picking the winner. For the final prediction, they both agreed on Germany will win the third place and there’s only 1 game left. If they both are flawless oracles so far (at least for the World Cup 2010), one of them will go down since each of them has different pick for the final winner. Mani goes for Holland and Paul goes for Spain! Omigawd…are they ready to lose reputation cos surely one of them is wrong. Wait…wait…don’t you think they are soo smart?! Why I think that this is the best thing to happen? Yes! I tell you why.

These animals have seen the obsessiona on their so-called powers and how they influenced people into believing their random choice to be something that is coming from their special ability to predict. Some people earn a lot of money from this. Yes, if they are smart enough to predict the future, they must be smart enough to fool people!! So there isn’t a better time to fool people than to give opposite prediction so the thrill of the game will still be there – cos we ARE talking about the final match here! Imagine if both animals are giving the same prediction, it can turn out to be a handicapped game because the other team who is predicted to lose would lose a bit of drive to fight. Now tell me what can be better than this? The oracles have spoken and they are giving both teams the reason to fight until the final whistle blow! Thanks to them for not killing the thrill prematurely. Hehehe. You guys are so smart! *Lols

At the end of the same… I translate this as a message for everyone. This is what we have been doing. We want to know the future. We want to know the destiny and if you call this destiny, you know there’s nothing u can do that can change it. So are you sure u want to know it before time? Are you sure you want to waste your time and energy to find out what is going to happen tomorrow when it’s still going to happen anyway? I have written about this a few times before. In this frenzy of trying to find out the future – some people could answer me back, At least we can be prepared and do something to lessen the damage. It’s good. But speaking of footballs…most of the fans are only spectators. We don’t step at the field and are not even there to chant them live. Yes, it’s their legs that kick the ball. It’s too bad that what you say won’t have anything to do with how they kick the ball around and how they finally shoot it to the goal. So you guess it…I don’t believe in predictions. It’s what’s real, what’s factual that can contribute to reality. You can take these animals’ prediction just for the fun of it but in reality, people who only care to look for the clairvoyant to see their future have wasted so much time to live the presence with Hope of the uncertainties that the cloudy days are not gonna stay forever. My opinion is, if God wants us to know our future, He might not create us in the first place cos Life has no points when you start it knowing how it’s going to end. So u can do it for fun, but never waste your time on predictions cos you’re losing your minutes to make bad predictions turn into a REALITY that you choose to make for yourself. And Guess what…besides all predictions, ONLY REALITY that matters. :)

Note: Whoever wins the World Cup, the prediction doesn’t make you win. It’s your skill and sweat that do.

Friday, July 9, 2010

So That’s How We Hurt Them

Actually ada benda2 yang kita buat totally di luar sedar. Sometimes we just go by with the day, thinking that we want to be happy. We want to do good things and make the best of what we have and get as much benefit from what the day can give us. Sepa sangka, dengan niat yang mcm tu…apa yang kita buat actually hurt the heart of the people we care so much. Rupanya macam ni pula kan? Kita pikir when orang yang kita sayang hurt kita, dorang mestilah sangat jahat dan ada niat untuk buat mcm tu. Kita punya rasa sakit tu sangat mendalam dan menyusuk di dalam seolah-olah orang tu la yang paling teruk sekali masa tu. Rasa diri disakiti, dikhianati dan suddenly u feel diri sangat terpinggir dan tidak dihargai. Ini la yang kita rasa bila hati kita disakiti. Teruknya perasaan itu kan? Tapi I beg u guys pikir sejenak apa rasanya jadi di tempat org yang menyakiti tu. Adakah memang betul org tu teruk dan berniat jahat?

Just now I feel how bad it is to be in the place of the person who hurts. Suddenly sia rasa so unfair sebab why on earth I could end up hurting someone sedangkan I have no bad intention at all? So macam ni pula it all happened. Kita tidak akan sedar apa yang kita buat tu akan mengguris hati orang yang close dengan kita. Semakin dorang close, semakin hurt la dorang akan rasa. That one we know already. But now when u become the person who gets hurt, please remember that you loved ones can’t be that heartless. You can’t let anger consume u and let it destroy all the good things in a blink of eyes. Cos it’s not worth it. I repeat, it’s NOT worth it. Give them the chance to explain and make up for it. Cos I tell you guys…when u accidentally become the person who hurts, you know that you DESERVE that chance you explain yourself. And you’ll be surprised that when all you have inside is nothing but the good things, you actually made your loved ones suffer excruciating pain that is mainly caused by the bond itself. The more u love the person, the easier to get hurt by the person. This is a fact.

So when something like this happen, DON’T keep it inside or sweep it under the carpet. Don’t entertain silly thoughts that you are just betrayed by someone you love so much. This is how life is playing with our emotions. This is how life is teaching us things – it would witness us hurt each other because of a small misunderstanding, and it would just see how we gonna react from there. If we are not strong enough, we would confront each other and explain, say sorry and make up. Make the other person know that the last thing on your mind is to hurt someone so dear. Guys…we can’t DESTROY another good thing from this earth. We have seen so much people who are unlucky that they can’t even learn how wonderful to love and be loved, not to mention to experience the wonders of the good bonds between two people. We have seen people are struggling with their lives to survive wars and violence. What we have now is almost the closest thing to heaven, guys. When we are given abundant of gifts to enjoy, when we are given love and care and most importantly we are given the people who can share all those with us….ASK YOURSELF again if it’s worth it to lose it all over one unsolved misunderstanding. ASK YOURSELF if you think your loved ones would want to hurt you after all the things you’ve gone through. ASK YOURSELF WHY they don’t deserve another chance to explain themselves and make up for it. If we have this realization, we will know how to handle it should a hurting scene happen without intention.

We won’t lose the good things this way, guys. Tell yourself that whenever there’s a devilish whisper asking you guys to stop loving each other – This is the time to practice wisdom. You know there’s nothing that is stronger than the union between 2 people when it’s built on sincerity and trust. Stop getting hurt for the wrong reason. We don’t have so much time for that. KISS AND MAKE UP. It makes all the difference in the world and u are not gonna regret it even a bit.

Never go to bed with unsettled discomfort…especially not when you have to endure your whole nite getting hurt by someone you love when you can spend it to love instead. :)

Monday, July 5, 2010

The Quick Remedy

I have 7 of them around my arm, my back shoulder and neck... I want so much to miss and laugh at this picture. But first, this pain has to go.


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