When You’re Not Loved As Much

I have come across friends who experience this. They feel so devastated when they feel so lacking in love from the person who they love so much. Like the person doesn’t love them as much as they love him/her, they don’t feel appreciated, they feel like they are hung by invisible rope that make them keep hoping that something is going to be better. In most cases, they just keep quiet and feel the sorrow whilst trying to fake a smile and laugh when their heart is suffering inside.

This is my personal opinion. The time will not stop even if anyone ceases to love us, to care for us or to miss us. Everything else will still go on like usual when if our heart in broken. We have all the reasons in the world to keep going – and the only one that stops us is our own self. I know it’s painful inside. It’s not your fault when someone else doesn’t appreciate you or doesn’t see how lovable you are. It’s not your fault when they can’t just see you as good as the person you are. It’s NOT your fault when some people are not grateful enough. It’s Really is NOT your fault!!

I believe that there is someone out there who has that much love that you need. I just don’t understand why you keep torturing yourself. I don’t understand why you keep suffering. I don’t understand why your heart continues to cry even after your tears have dried. I don’t understand why you waste your goodself and life over some soul who is not even made for you.

To all of you people who feel this way…Get up from this sad chapter and start a new fresh chapter. Don’t waste your blessings. Don’t waste your life. Don’t waste yourself. It’s the most pitiful situation that we can punish ourselves with. And guess what, when you’re not loved as much as you love, it’s not even your fault. Move on and see for a better tomorrow :)

How To Help Someone Forget You...

Anything strange? I’m sure at least one time in your life, you would need to do this strange kind of favour – that is helping someone to forget you! Erkss!

Yes..as strange as it is. In what scenario that we need to do something like that? Doesn’t everyone want to be remembered? Why do we need to help someone forget us? Ok..ok.. I have the answer. Sometimes life isn’t so sweet being together. Being in each other’s mind is only a poison to “moving on” with your life. And you need to move on for a greener pasture. This happens a lot when a chemistry ceases to happen.. When the love is gone. When the feelings are fading away. When two persons decide to part ways and find a new life. How is that possible when at least either one is still clinging to the past? How is that possible when the other one keeps bringing up the past memories to stop the other one to move on?

Whether it’s the guy or the girl could be the clingy one. I could easily blame the girls because of their softer nature; so they tend to be clingy. But maybe not always the case. The guys can be clingy too. So it depends on case by case basis, anyone could be the one who NEEDS this help. Yes, the person needs your help in order to… forget you. Yes, forget you.

Have I ever be the one who needed this help? I could say, Yes, I have. Only once. And that’s all I could take. In my case, I don’t actually want to forget the person, though I need to. I was feeling very comfortable living with my past memories. But I was making it harder for the other person to move on. The person needed to forget me to stop getting hurt. It depends on how you look at things, actually. So he needed me to forget him as much as he wanted to forget me. This was what he did.

Answer To NOTHING.

Whether it’s phonecall, SMS, email – Anything for that matter. If you want to make it even easier – Change all the contacts that makes the person easily drop you a “bomb note” with the message, “I have not moved on, so you can’t too.”

Yes, even if he had to do it in pain. In tears. But he had to do it.

If things were working out. No conflicts and heartache would even take place in the first place. So since something untoward has happened, getting haunted by the past gonna hold you in that heartache forever.

If you have found your way, let it be one last kindness. Help your ex to forget you.

Your ex will feel hurt at first…but trust me, he/she will thank you for helping him/her to forget you.

Note: You guys can’t be together, so there’s no point of holding on. There are many fishes in the sea. If you can’t make your decision on moving on, you always gonna be a life jacket for your ex – A jacket that has no life but save the life of others and others only come to get you when they need you. Think about it.

In The Same-Sex World Of Their Own

The scenario of someone attracted to the same sex person is not that unheard anymore. We speak too much of gays and lesbian and homosexuals and what not. I have written about this topic before. I said We shouldn’t blame them. They DON’T want that to happen too if they can do it the normal way. I said that No one would pick to fall in love with someone from the same sex. But now I am not sure if I still agree with that statement. Are you sure that people don’t do it For Fun? Are you sure that the Same-Sex attraction is not to be blamed on genetic or anything natural? Why it becomes like A Trend? Why does it start to sound like Experimental? Or Adventure? Seriously. I think this scenario is worsening.

Are you surprised when I say that the common reason why people who are not born lesbians/gays become one because they fail to have a proper relationship with a partner from the opposite sex?

Is it acceptable to you when those who lose faith in the opposite sex might just turn to the same sex to get the dose of affection and attention? So is Heartache an enough reason to be One Of Them in this same sex sexuality world? It’s definitely easier. I know one girl who had it enough with guys. From being sexually abused when she was a child to failed relationships with different guys. She quit hoping for a better man. She then tries out with some tomboy and simply share bed with the knowledge of the parents since that they thought it was innocent. I know it’s not as innocent as her parents think. This girl is still very young to know her conducts. From the way she talked about becoming a lesbian, I can tell she’s very enlightened to become one and very much into the sexual too. Becoming a lesbian looks like a fun option to her. You go out with a female. You can share bed without your parents questioning so much. You can have fun all you like without the risk of getting pregnant. If you ask her if she is born with the tendency to be romantically involved with the same sex, she has a clear answer. But now SHE CHOOSES to try out same sex relationship because of the heartache. Now you see that if this can happen to her, a similar thing can happen to many girls out there. I just want to let you guys see how this is becoming like a trend. For many reasons, when the girls fail to have a proper relationship with a guy, they make this Same Sex relationship as an option. I have read the same thing from men. When they are frustrated with the opposite gender, they turn to the same gender. Can we just let this thing happen and make this world go berserk?

I’m not here to give the verdict or to try and correct anything. It’s your sexuality, it’s your freedom. If you’re cursed with the tendency to only get attracted with the same sex, maybe there’s not much u can do. But in the case when you make this same sex relationship an experiment or escapade, nobody can tell u otherwise because u have the power to your own life and body. The only thing I’m concerned is when you do it because you lose faith in love. I think it’s such a weak reason to becoming another freak of the same sex world. I think that you’re making your life more complicated that way. If things don’t work out, relax and enjoy your singleness. Why the rush? Love will happen again when it’s time. You people make the rest of them think that this world is short of love and compatible people that you can share proper relationship with. It’s NOT true. My last line would be – If you can have a normal proper life, why choose to have it differently?

It doesn’t have to be more complicated than it already is :) Think about it.

The Demanding Girlfriend

I remember talking to my bestfriend when she was caught in triangle love between two men. One man was a special boyfriend and the other one was an old classmate who always had a crush on her. My friend was in love with her boyfriend, and the other guyfriend was showing a lot of affection to my friend since college years. My friend knew that the guyfriend still put hopes on her.

My friend was one example of a very demanding girlfriend, I must say. It was actually the first time that I heard a lady speaks of how firmly she wanted to be treated as a special girlfriend. Because the boyfriend was working in Peninsular, my friend was always accompanied by the guyfriend who would do anything to win her heart. I could say that my friend was starting to have “a second thought” especially when the boyfriend didn’t care much about special occasions. The other guy was gradually winning her attention.

I remember hearing her commenting on her situation. I remember feeling a bit suspicious about my friend’s stand. I mean, her boyfriend might not be there all the way, but since he was the boyfriend, she shouldn’t just simply punish him for that. It shouldn’t be an easy excuse for my friend to just change her heart.

“I don’t know what’s with him. Even if he’s far, he must at least send me a flower or maybe fly here to surprise me – Do Anything just as long as he does something to show me that he cares. He Must Keep Me Excited if he wants me to stay. He cannot stop “trying” when he’s already my boyfriend. He must still do something to let me know that I’m special”

Then I thought, “Wow…that’s very demanding!”

My friend said that when she told that to the boyfriend, the boyfriend answered, “Don’t hope for special treatments from me. I’m not good with that.”

Guess what? She wasn’t kidding. She really dumped her boyfriend not long after for the old classmate who could provide her with all the “excitements” that she wanted. Finally she didn’t mind picking “an easy catch” to a big jaws…just as long as the guy is willing to put extra effort to show her that he cares.

Another female friend spoke to me. She was another case. She has boyfriends all over the place. I tell you, I think I should learn from them. *Lols. She told me, she has a condition for every guy who wants to be her boyfriend. “He MUST call or sms me EVERYDAY.” If he misses a day or two with an excuse, I would forgive. But if it reaches one week without call or sms, automatically he’s not my boyfriend anymore.”

Then again, I was, “Ahh? Ouch!”

Oh well, That’s Very Demanding. Hahaahahaha Most of these ladies who are fit to be called A Demanding Girlfriend are usually those who are “the ladies on demand” where at least 2 men are craving for their love. So no wonder they become that demanding right?

Or else…maybe we don’t need to be popular to be demanding. Maybe this is exactly what we should do, don’t you think so?

To the men…don’t you think we, as the most special lady in your life, should demand for a special treatment from you? Don’t you think when you are late you should explain to us why? Don’t you think you should feel guilty when you don’t return our call or reply our sms? Don’t you think you should soft-talk us when there’s something that you want to speak to us, even if it’s the simplest matter of “don’t wear that dress in public”? Don’t you think we deserve more respect, that you can’t simply raise your voice and accuse us doing something we don’t do? I mean, the way you do things to other people, don’t you think we deserve to be treated slightly better? If we sulk or pout, don’t you think you should do something to coax us and make us smile again and tell us that everything is not as bad as we thought? Isn’t being your special girlfriend is an enough reason to demand for all that?

Then after this, hopefully you don’t complain to us why we ask for too much. As a matter of fact, I don’t think we ask for too much. We deserve to be asking it all to begin with. If we can’t even ask to be treated more special than normal, what’s the point of being the most special lady in your life?

Fair enough? *giggles.

Note: Treat Your Girlfriend Good, Ok?

"I Still Love You"

Semalam, ada sorang kawan perempuan sia ni SMS sia. Semalam tu adalah hari pernikahan jejaka idaman dia. Dia sempat lagi ada affair dengan that guy a few months ago. Masing2 ada tunang. So gara2 terikat dengan komitment masing2, byk hati yg mau dijaga, akhirnya dorang terpaksa cuba lepaskan sesama sendiri.

Masing2 sayang menyayangi…spent time together, and then had to let each other go. Ini semua gara2 lelaki tu yg nda cukup satu. Pegi goda tunang orang, sedangkan sendiri pun sudah bertunang. And then…mula la menyalahkan takdir. Well, sometimes memang silap sendiri kan?

So semalam, lelaki tu finally bernikah sama tunang dia yang dia lebih dulu jumpa daripada kawan sia ni. Dorang masih sempat cakap di telefon. Cara dorang ni, seolah-olah yang lelaki tu mau “jalan” sudah. *Lols. You guys sedar that? Kadang2 perkahwinan orang yang kita sayang-but-we-can’t-be-together-with, seolah-olah adalah Noktah. Almost like, A Goodbye, pergi yang nda akan balik2 lagi. Hahahaahahaha. Lucu pula.

So dorang ni sempat juga la bercakap di phone dan mengucapkan “kata2 akhir” sebelum yang si lelaki tu akad nikah. Sia paham apa kawan sia rasa. Dia bagitau sia dia menangis juga sebab teringat balik semua kenangan dorang. Dan yang buat dia tambah sayu, the guy sempat cakap, “I Still Love You.”

Doiii???

Hahaahahahahahaha. Okay [256], don’t be rude. I know the guy, I know the girl. So I know apa cerita dorang ni. Sia ada reason untuk ketawa kalau sia dengar benda2 macam tu keluar dari mulut lelaki tu. Lelaki tu buaya darat gigi tembaga ba guys. Hahahahaahaha. Ayat2 cinta tu semua macam teda ja sama dia. Dia suka2 ja main tabur2 like that…sedangkan perempuan yg dengar tu bukan main lagi sampai nda tidur malam. Sedangkan dia mau nikah sudah pun dia masih lagi cakap benda tu dengan perempuan lain. Ada nilai ka love tu sama dia ni?You guys know apa sia cakap dengan kawan sia?

“Sia pun buli cakap ba macam tu!! Lagi hebat punya pun sia buli cakap. Apa juga, setakat cakap. Budak kici pun buli.” (Hahaahahahahahahahahaha)

Sia geram sebab kawan sia ni nda pandai serik2. Sudah pun dia tau tu lelaki playboy, masih lagi dia nda serik. InilaH kalau hati sudah suka. Memang payah. My question is…

Kalau cinta sayang setakat di mulut, apa juga kan? Kalau kau betul2 cinta, dari awal u fight for it ba. Both pun belum kawin masa jumpa dulu. Semuanya belum terlambat pun. But nothing changed juga. Still juga that guy hanya tau cakap manis ja. Untuk kasi pujuk hati kawan sia tu, dia cakap dia mau buat kawan sia jadi bini number dua. Suka2 ja cakap kan. Sudah2 la drama ni semua.

Apa pun…mungkin sia tidak patut cakap macam tu. Sepa tau dalam hati dorang tu kan? Come to think about it…Marriage ni belum pun ending kepada cerita dorang ni ba. Though sia tidak sokong kecurangan rumah tangga, but it won’t change anything, right? Kalau orang mau curang, dia still akan curang, right? So rasa lucu pula bila dorang cakap macam seolah-olah lelaki tu mau jalan yg nda akan balik2 lagi. Heheheehehe. Seolah-olah itu adalah phonecall yg terakhir. Padahal…lepas tu akad nikah pun dia masih boleh dial number tu perempuan and sambung cerita! Hahahahahahaha.

My point is… semuanya ada pada hati ba. Daripada apa yang kita tengok berlaku di dunia sekarang ni, pertunangan, perkahwinan, dan semua ikatan2 ni, looks like makeover pula. Semua mekap2 saja. Dalam hati tu lain. Kalau dia kawin berapa puluh kali pun, kalau hati tidak jujur mau cinta pasangan, kejadiannya tetap sama. Maybe we should kurangkan cerita2 ni.

Try to be with the one who you love and loves you, The Most.

Mungkin harap2 kita ble kembalikan the sacredness of wedding vows ni kan. :)

Note: So u heard someone saying “I still love you” to you on his wedding day? Freaking kidding me. Who cares what you say. It’s about what you do. Biar la cinta dia sebesar mana, but look – he’s marrying someone else. So u guys pikir la sendiri. Don’t toy too much with feelings ba. Sudah2 la tu.

Maybe It's Just Destiny...

You guys percaya sama takdir and ketentuan? It means perkara2 yang sudah ditentukan sejak azali. Something yang kita tidak mampu ubah even macamana pun kita wish kita boleh ubah.

It can be tough to understand. Sometimes you’re using your ultimate wisdom to see and calculate that yes, this sure gonna work. Science must work. Reasoning must work. If everything is in place, IT SHOULD WORK! Isn’t that how it works around here? If we have enough reasons for something to happen, plus with the right circumstances, it Must happen right then and there.

Tapi bolehkah kalau sia cakap, semua reasoning dianggap void kalau something memang sudah ditakdirkan? Ada benda2 yang memang kita tidak dapat ubah. Dan sekiranya something like that bump into our lives, dan it’s put in a position that it’s going to hurt us very badly, at least you know that this is what they call Ketentuan. This something is nothing new. This isn’t passed by the aliens from Mars the last nite when they landed secretly in your backyard. This is here even before we were born. So this is not just happen to teach you a lesson that You’ve been bad, this is your punishment. Nope. I believe that if you call that takdir, it doesn’t matter if you have committed your whole life for other people’s welfare, cos if it’s written in your destiny that this gonna happen, it will happen.

I remember when my boyfriend (now my ex) was so nice to me. He was so kind and loyal. His every day was dedicated to me. Like every morning when he woke up, he must talk to me first and before he went to bed, he must also talked to me and then only he considered his day complete. I became The Purpose in his everyday’s life. Everything he did, he always included me. If he talked to his workmates, he talked about me. When he saw a customer coming that has pretty much my resemblance, he thought of me. It was such a devotion. From this devotion alone, you know this guy did his level best to dedicate his life, his heart – for the only girl that he loved. From how he loved his girlfriend, he deserved to get the best respect any girl could ever give to a man. It was almost not found in this age of infidelity. So…does it take a genius to say, that this man deserves many good things in his life – but if life wasn’t generous enough, then at least, this man deserved to get the same affection from his girlfriend, agree?

I, as his girlfriend that time…what was I doing? Knowing that I have a boyfriend like that, don’t you think it’s like an answered prayer? I bet any girl would want to be in my place. He might not be so rich, but he was very good looking, he was very gentle and he was the kind of man who would stop and greet you, or help you with your stuff even if he didn’t know you. In other words, you don’t have to be his girlfriend to know that he’s very courteous and warm. But, it might be too much if we say that he deserved a place in heaven, but can I say that nobody would deny if he at least deserved to be Loved by me, just as much? He has been proving his worth. Not only to me, but to the people around him. So, using all our calculation, humanity virtues and theories of “what you give, you get back” – don’t you think AT LEAST he deserved to be loved that much too by his girlfriend? Yeah, it was like that.

Look at me that time. I wasn’t a bad girl at all. I could say that I was born to be loyal to my man. I never gave myself the option to have wandering eyes. For me, once I gave my word, I will keep it. That’s what I thought. I thought my parents thought me enough how to tell good from bad. And even if I failed as a learner, at least I was not stupid enough to not know that a guy like him was hard to find. Given the circumstances that I wasn’t demanded an extra sweat to love him – I should be in the right position to love him back. I give you guys enough reasoning how and why things should be as what we both planned. To be in love and fight our ways to prove that we were each other’s soulmate.

Yup people. Who would have guessed, even that was NOT good enough to Rewrite the destiny. Nothing is ever good enough to create a new version of destiny that we request. Because as most of us have accepted, Destiny is written before our lives even begin to unfold. So you can kill someone, or you can even kill yourself – to protest why Destiny is written in such a way that hurt you, but there’s nothing we can do about it. Because it’s written in destiny that he and I were not meant to be, suddenly life was giving me the excuse to stray from our mission. Suddenly life had pushed me to another direction so that I could start living that destiny. You thought I was insane to know that I shouldn’t betray my boyfriend? You thought I was heartless? No I wasn’t. But like I always tell you, life has a way to tell us when things are not meant to be.

Before I knew, I was in love with a new guy without the knowledge of the loving boyfriend. You thought I was a bad person? No I wasn’t. You thought I was purposely trying to fall in love with a new guy that has all the better qualities? You are wrong. My good judgment told me that this new guy wasn’t anything near my boyfriend. I could still name in many ways why my boyfriend was better than the new guy, but since this is Destiny, I could strangle or hang myself to near death, but still, you could not make me love my boyfriend back – even after you present to me all the reasoning you can list using your science theory.

My heart was crushed because THIS WASN’T HOW it should be. I knew it too. Something really screwed up because my good judgment told me I should be with my boyfriend, but WHY was I there, experiencing a totally greater experience being in love with a new guy without the knowledge of my boyfriend? So you know, I don’t care what logic you are using, but what I know my body and mind was in the opposite direction of what that logic could be.

So I recalled one nite, when both elements were claiming right over my body, I thought I almost exploded because I could not understand my action. “Why should I be in this situation? I could have been peacefully in love with my boyfriend.” And then I cried so so hard trying to express “My Frustration” because I knew it was not right, but it was still what I thought was the best for me to do. I thought that if I used only my humanly good judgment, I wouldn’t be there. But then I realized. I could only try so hard to do what’s best, but we don’t live totally on our good judgment alone. Sometimes the forces of nature do take part in this and our humanly weaknesses are sometimes just an excuse for some unexplained decision that we take. Destiny is that powerful.

I write all this, just to let you guys realize that when you fought so hard for something that you thought you deserve, and still you were not good enough to get it, this could be the act of Destiny. It’s not because you’re not good enough, it’s not because you have been bad before and karma is getting back at you, and it’s not because of all that…

Please don’t lose your battle if this happens to you. To be fair, something much greater is about to take place in your life, so something less good has to go. Just put it that way. I saw it happened to someone before, so I know if it could be a little too painful, but you’ll be thankful that it happened. Before you know, Destiny is written in way that God knows what’s best for you.

Or at least, that’s what I tell myself. Cos I can choose to grieve, I can choose to blame, I can choose to curse – but what for? Then I just find the magical purpose behind that Destiny. You guys should too.

Be Strong. And Trust in a greater power up there – He knows what He’s doing. :)

“Ridiculous Years Spent With You…”

Do you believe that the longer the relationship is, the better?

We heard all the ridiculous years people spent being in relationship and in many cases, the partner in crime in that long relationship isn’t the one they walk the aisle with. I think it’s the right question to ask if all the years actually matter to a relationship that works? I mean, 1 year? That’s not long enough baby. You need more than that. 2 years? Aha, that sounds better. But try more. 5 years? Yup…that sounds like you guys are now totally connected to each other. Freaking kidding me. You’ve worked your bump off in the freaking 5 years, to make a relationship work, just to see it all come crushing down. How come? So cut the crap. Sorry to say, maybe you should slow down on the math. Maybe numbers don’t work around here people. What do you say?

People who have walked into a relationship with a big smile and walked out with tears, after spending so many years growing love and affection, understand what I’m talking about. Suddenly the numbers become irrelevant. To hell with 5 years! We are not here to race who can sustain to be in a relationship the longest – cos at the end of the day, if something goes wrong, the years are exactly how long you’ve been stupid. Erkss!!

Maybe there’s a reason why even the church suggests that the period of engagement should be around 1 year and then the couple should get married. From what I read, it’s to ensure that the love doesn’t fade away and logically, both are still so fired up with each other. Anyway, I find the way to agree that the first year of a relationship is actually the most beautiful. If you keep it longer, it will still sweet but not as much. So imagine if you reach to the 4th year, some part of the relationship might already be missing. What??? “After all the ridiculous years spent with you, all I got is a handicapped relationship??” *Lols.

So don’t buy the numbers, people. Do you believe when I say that a 6-month relationship could be more meaningful than a 6-year relationship? If both of you know what you want, and know how to cherish and spend every moment, you can reach the magic of feeling closely connected with each other even if 6 months are considered still early. Nothing is still too early if you know how to do it right, hit it right. If you are in a 6 years relationship, but 3 years spent being away, 2 years spent arguing, and 1 year spent cheating on each other – that’s how ridiculous it can be. All the large numbers don’t represent the time really spent with each other.

Do you hear cases where people spent in a relationship for even 11 years and when they finally got married, they divorced in less than 1 year. Omigawddd!!! Where all the numbers gone, people? So because I learnt from all this, I believe in Quality and not Quantity. I don’t believe that I need time to love and let my partner love me by giving each other years to really find “that kind of connection”. My style of doing it is getting more casual and simpler now. If you can’t connect with me in 1 month, you are off the hook. Real chemistry doesn’t take long to happen. We can’t force chemistry to happen. So if we find this kind of rare chemistry, we should cherish it. You don’t find it all the time, my friends. I tell you, I do my little study case all the time. My new encounter with people and why I treat them more special than the rest – I want to know the reason behind that. I believe that FATE put us in certain position, and others who come along the way might not fit in well. But when we find one who is also put in the position to match correctly with ours, this is when the magic happens. You find out that connection happens so fast. Not just because you guys purposely try to see if things can work from there, but everything about you just accommodate the other person’s needs, without even trying. Yeah, without even trying. You and your life, are just in right position to fit well with the other person. Now when this happens, something good will usually follow.

So people who have learnt the hard way about “years in the relationship is just a number”, don’t usually wait when they already find someone who they can fit it well. They don’t wait until the years do something bad to them. This could be the reason why you hear people who just got hooked up, got married months later and still be happy. Cos they know, to find one person who can accommodate you effortlessly, ISN’T easy. But there’s a wisdom one should wear in order to make this magic works. It must be done with the intention of finding the most ideal one – believing that although magic sparks do happen, both have the responsibility to sustain this magic.

Usually, fast love that fails always blame it on the word “fast”. Because they do it fast, it also leaves fast. That is because some people don’t have rules. You must have rules when you do anything. If it’s entirely on lust and physical, yeah, you can expect it to ruin as fast as it builds. Get the concept right before you proceed. If not, I tell you, it’s not the word “Fast” that you should blame, it’s YOU that you should blame. Because if you don’t get the concept right, you can spend all the ridiculous years with each other and still get the same result. Just that, this time you allow yourself to be stupid longer.

And one more thing. I still believe that we do find people that we like, we admire and we want to be with, but most of the time, they are not made for us. So all the years is like practically “forcing” the fate to make these people fit in to be with us. So can we force the fate? Maybe if we have this wisdom, we won’t have to feel stupid anymore. We won’t have to force the fate. Learn it on first hand if this should be given a go, or not. If not, move on. I surely don’t want to wait years just to accept that he’s not the one for me. Whoaa…that’s so tiring. No thanks. *Sighs.

So maybe you should listen to your heart, once in a while. But first, it must go along with wisdom. Anything without wisdom will cause stupid failure. So when I hear that people broke up from a long relationship, I learn it each time that this isn’t about how long, but how good. So if you find your match, go for it. You don’t need ridiculous years to give you security that he/she’s the right one for you. Just follow where that spark is taking you. It could take you to the love paradise of your dream in no time. I don’t know. You find out. *giggles.

"Kisah Kek Tiramisu"

Ternampak satu kontainer eskrim di esbok, tertulis perisa tiramisu, suddenly teringat this story. Kisah cinta2 zaman dulu kala milik seorang yang dikenali. Sepa sangka gara2 terjumpa ternampak perkataan Tiramisu tu saja pun, boleh terpanggil balik cerita dulu2. Memang unik betul kejadian Tuhan ni kan?

Ini cerita pasal satu couple. Kisah dorang ni sometimes cute, sometimes bikin meradang, sometimes bikin ketawa, dan sometimes mengharukan juga. Macam2 rintangan yang dorang kena tempuhi dari awal lagi. I could tell yang they fought so hard to make that relationship work. Nda disangka pula Tiramisu ni masuk dalam cerita dorang. Cakap pasal kek, mesti berkaitan dengan birthday ni kan? Ya, memang pun.

Perempuan tu cakap…birthday tahun tu adalah birthday yang ke-3 sejak dorang couple. Boyfriend dia ni jenis yang sangat2 loving dan romantic tahap gaban. Memang boyf dia ni one of a kind yang sangat sayang dengan girlf dia and memang seorang yang sangat giving. One of the tradition yg boyf dia set setiap tahun adalah dia MUST call girlfriend dia tepat jam 12 midnite, to be the first person yg ucap dia Happy Birthday. Whether it’s Valentine’s or Anniversary, memang boyf dia akan buat macam tu.

Speaking of the relationship…dorang ni pun menghadapi cabaran juga bila tempoh hubungan tu semakin meningkat. Biasalah kalau timbul persoalan sama ada perasaan tu masih sama or not. Dalam hubungan ni, biasalah lelaki akan full blast dulu and then slowing down semakin lama usia hubungan tu. Perempuan pula sebaliknya. Semakin lama semakin sayang. But dalam kes hubungan dorang tu, perempuan tu sudah biasa dimanja dengan macam2 acts of love dari boyf dia. Walaupun dorang kena berjauhan, but boyf dia ni betul2 committed dengan his girlf biarpun dia habis banyak duit untuk sentiasa make her felt loved and cared.

But biasalah kalau langit tidak selalu cerah. That girl pun paham juga dengan situasi boyf dia. She paham yang style boyf dia tu hanya akan menyusahkan diri sendiri sebab dia suka tunjukkan kasih sayang dengan guna wang ringgit, sedangkan secara realisticnya dia kena save up for future. So untuk tu, girlf dia ni selalu cakap dengan boyf dia yang dorang jangan bagi2 hadiah lagi. Enough dengan wish ja or just a nice card. So the 3rd year, dorang mulakan dengan tradisi tidak tukar hadiah. But girlf dia pastikan yang dorang masih rasa disayangi biarpun tanpa hadiah.

But girlf dia ni sentiasa concerned perubahan yang dialami oleh boyf dia tu. Dia mula nampak layanan yang tidak sama, tapi boyf dia tetap buat benda2 yang sama like calling her everyday. So girlf dia ni mau jadikan birthday dia tahun tu sebagai PENUNJUK or indicator sama ada boyf dia ni sudah berubah atau tidak. Dia tidak expect banyak pun. Asalkan boyf dia masih amalkan tradisi call masa midnite tu. So the girl cakap dia betul2 berdebar tunggu hari tu. Dia jadikan hari tu sebagai titik penentuan sama ada boyf dia masih sayang dia macam dulu atau tidak.

The day came…so the girl langsung tidak ingatkan the boyf tentang birthday dia tu. Dia mau tengok sama ada boyf dia ingat ka inda. So akhirnya malam tu, tepat jam 11 malam, boyfriend dia tu SMS dia. Dia finally wish Happy Birthday untuk girlf dia tu. Boyf dia cakap dia wish awal2 takut tertidur, nanti terlepas pula. Hepi bukan main lagi that girl. Dia confirm yang boyf dia ingat bday dia. But dia nda puas hati selagi nda sampai jam 12 midnite. And then, mana pernah setakat main SMS wish. Biasanya he akan call. So the girl assumed yang jam 11 tu bukan final. So dia tidak jawab SMS tu. Dia tunggu juga jam 12 tengah malam. Akhirnya jam 12 tengah malam tiba… dan berakhir begitu saja. No phonecall yang dinanti-nantikan itu.

That girl betul2 kecil hati. Sangat2 kecil hati. Dia tidur dengan hati yang merajuk. “He doesn’t love me the same anymore”, itu yg dia pikir. So esoknya, boyf dia call awal2 pagi. The girl tidak angkat. Hati dia betul2 merajuk. Dan yang lebih teruk, the girl actually menangis tengok that phone rang and saw nama boyf dia di screen. Dia mau angkat tapi dia betul2 kecil hati. Dia tidak dapat angkat the phone sebab she knew she wasn’t a good actress untuk hide perasaan dia yang terguris.

The whole day, the boyf asyik ring saja the phone and the girl langsung tidak angkat. The whole day untuk hari tu, iaitu hari jadi dia…dia langsung tidak bercakap dengan boyf dia tu. Sampai begitu sekali dia merajuk. Bukannya pasal tiada hadiah. Bukannya pasal apa2 pun. Dia cuma merajuk kerana panggilan 12 midnite yang dia tidak terima dari boyfriend dia untuk bday dia tu. Actually HANYA kerana itu!

So the second day after the bday, the boyf call2 lagi balik2 sampai the whole day. The girl langsung tidak angkat. Luka dia masih parah. Then berkali-kali la juga dia sms. “Why? Have I done anything wrong to you, dear?” But the girl jawab sekali ja, “It’s not about you, it’s about me. Don’t worry.” The boyf tidak puas hati. Dia call juga balik2. Maybe dia heran why girlf dia jadi mcm tu. Lagipun dorang sudah cakap yang tidak payah tukar hadiah untuk bday tahun tu. Memang dia sangat confuse masa tu.

Akhirnya, pada hari ke-3, esoknya ada delivery sampai di depan. It was satu kotak kek. The cake was bought from Hyatt sebab judging from the printing of the box. The girl terkejut separuh gila tengok kek tu. Pada tahun2 sebelumnya, memang boyf dia tu tidak lepas belikan kek untuk bday dia. So sepa sangka, biarpun dia tidak menharap or menjangkakan sebarang hadiah tahun tu, akhirnya ada juga kek yg datang.

Dia open the box, and saw a big lovely cake. Dia tau kek tu mesti mahal sebab design dia lain dari yg lain. The girl terus nangis dengan begitu hardnya sebab perasaan yang bercampur-campur dalam hati dan pikirannya. Dia nangis sebab sedih sebab dia merajuk dan kecil hati dengan boyf dia sedangkan boyf dia langsung tidak tau kenapa. Dan dia tidak dapat overcome perasaan tu biarpun puncanya adalah hanya kerana boyf dia wish dia guna SMS, 1 jam lebih awal dari yang dia expect. Dia potong kek tu dan dia makan main telan2 saja tanpa peduli kek tu sedap ka tidak. Perisa kek tu “weird” untuk dia sebab tu bukan kek yg dia biasa makan. And this time, dia paksa diri makan the cake, biarpun dia rasa kek tu tidak sedap. Yang dia tau, boyf dia susah2 beli kek tu untuk dihantar pada dia, sedangkan boyf dia berada beribu batu jauhnya. Imagine kesusahan yg dilalui oleh boyf dia hanya untuk make sure a cake akan dihantar ke tempat girlf dia tu secepat mungkin. Ternyata boyf dia pikir dia merajuk sebab tiada hadiah untuk bday dia tahun tu, so kek itu adalah untuk memujuk dia dan buat dia smile again. Sayu juga hati that girl bila pikir yang boyf dia anggap mcm tu. Sedangkan dia tidak pedulikan hal2 material. Dia cuma mau attention yg dia pernah dapat dari boyf dia tu.

Masa dia telan kek Tiramisu tu, dia tidak tau how to describe feeling dia. Dia dapat rasa boyf dia masih sayang dengan dia, tapi dia tidak deny yang boyf dia tidak layan dia sebaik dulu, sebab perkara PALING SIMPLE pun dia tidak larat mau buat, iaitu stay up sampai jam 12 malam untuk call and wish dia, seperti tahun2 sebelumnya. Dia tau feeling yang dia alami tu actually sangat silly. But that feeling of “not loved as much” yang betul2 dia tidak dapat overcome semudah tu. Biarpun boyf dia cuba deny dengan bagi dia kek tiramisu tu, dia tidak dapat sembunyikan kebenaran bahawa “it’s never the same” like before.

So kek Tiramisu tu la menjadi saksi kepada pergolakan perasaan seorang perempuan yang masih bercongak sama ada boyf dia tu masih sayang dia seperti dulu atau tidak. Dia cuma kasi tinggal a small slice untuk bagi dengan orang lain, yg selebihnya dia main telan ja sampailah kek tu akhirnya habis dalam masa beberapa hari selepas tu. Dia mau pretend yg the kek akan change something, but deep inside she knew, it didn’t. Dia kasi puas hati dia dengan makan sebanyak mungkin untuk show her appreciation to the boyfriend, and show to him yang she loved him so so much hinggakan dia susah mau accept kelukaan yg biarpun sekecil mana.

Lepas seminggu, barulah that girl ready sambut call boyf dia tu. "Did you like the cake?" The girl said, "Okay2 juga la. Strange oh rasa dia." "It's a Tiramisu my dear." She answered, "Oh okay. Nevermind. Biarpun the taste strange, I eat juga sampai habis." Lebih kurang macam tu la perbualan dorang. Masing2 simpan soalan yang tidak terjawab. The guy never brought up the question why the girl tidak angkat the phone for 1 week. The girl never explained. They just carried on sebaik yg mungkin, biarpun perkara tu sebenarnya mengubah banyak perkara.

Kek tiramisu itu adalah simboliknya adalah satu “perjuangan” cinta yang masih ingin diteruskan oleh pasangan ni, biarpun elemen2 luar yang dicipta oleh macam2 dugaan masa dan jarak yang menyebabkan kedua-dua dorang ni mencari2 sama ada hubungan dorang tu masih sama, atau pun bertambah kuat, ataupun sebaliknya. Ini yg mungkin dilalui oleh ramai pasangan bercinta di luar sana.

We try to hide the defects of our relationship by giving something meaningful to the person we love, thinking that we can use it to deny that things are not exactly the same again. One thing that we all should know is that… materials are something that we can see and buy using money, but the real thing happens here (/me points at where the heart is) so when love fades or gone, it’s not by a freaking diamond can change the fact, let alone a Tiramisu cake. But at least they tried and fought for it :)] After all said and done, Finally the couple separated anyway. With tears and bleeding heart. But then the Tiramisu cake will always remain in good memory to mark the very last attempt for them to save their relationship from running its course. To fight and lose is only the second best after fighting and win. :)

When Your Ex Comes Back To Claim Her Rights…

This is what she did.

First, she caused the breakup. She said she didn’t love him anymore. She has totally no feelings left for him. She crushed her guy’s heart into little pieces, she made him cry a river of tears and then, when the guy was trying hard to move on, she just didn’t want to let that happen! She still calls up the guy, asking for favour, asking for a nite hangout – claiming it to be the last time they go out together and at the end of the date, she told him that she still loved him. And then the guy said he doesn’t love her anymore, she cried helplessly in front of him. Omigawd, what did she want?

He still recalled her high voice screaming at him when she first announced the breakup. She said do not call me, do not sms me – cos we have broken up! Now, not long after that, she is doing all the above. Leaving the wounded-hearted innocent boyfriend wondering, What Did This Girl Want from me?

As bitter as it is to admit, I did something like that too before. I came back to my ex’s life just to “CLAIM MY RIGHT” to get his attention whenever I wanted it. I thought that just because I was his first love, I could always remain the number one. Surprisingly, I did it NOT because I wanted my ex back. I did it just for the thrill of knowing if he still loved me. I did it just to feed to my selfishness and ego, and maybe self-esteem too. Especially because he has a new girlfriend now, I thought that she could never beat me, especially because it was me who caused the breakup. I wanted to test my ex just for the fun of it. I was glad that my ex actually entertained me and would sneak to talk to me behind his new girlfriend. After learning that I still got my ex’s attention, I was satisfied with the finding, but that’s all. If he wants to go back together, I definitely say no. So you men out there, IF your ex does something like this, MAYBE she has something very similar in her head. DO NOT jeopardize your current relationship or good life just because of an EX who comes back to claim her right. Cos she might just come to shake things but it’s NOT like what you think. She might want you at the time being just because she’s feeling lonely, and she won’t want you anymore as soon as the loneliness is gone.

She thought that she has rights over you just because she is your ex and she becomes your ex because she dumped you. Girls like this always think that you men are only pretending to move on, when she is actually very much in your heart and mind. That’s why she’s using the advantage to “make use” of you. The worst-case scenario, she might think that you’re on her fingertips. She can have you back whenever she wants to. All she need to do is snap her fingers, and you’re back in her palms.

So what happens when the girls are only day-dreaming about this RIGHTS as an ex-girlfriend? What if the the ex-boyfriend rejects her and claims NO-REHOOK-UP against her even after all the attempts? Ahaaa…she won’t believe it right away. She would still do something to make him show that she’s still the queen. The best weapon—TEARS!!! Yes, the girls would cry if that’s the only last thing to touch his heart. Usually, men will feel touched, but is that enough?

Of course it’s not enough. From my guyfriends’ experiences, they would refuse to hook-up back with the ex who comes back to claim her rights. He might still love her but MEN AND THEIR EGO, do I need to explain more? I don’t think many men are that stupid to fall for this trap. If she did love him, there would be no breakup to begin with. You can think clearly with your sane mind. So if you get confused why your ex is suddenly so clingy, now you know what to think. She’s thrilled to claim her rights back. The rights that she thought she still has, as your ex.

So girls, what if you get rejected by the man whose heart you broke? The answer is very simple. You are only his EX. When you become his ex for whatever reason, your rights on him are NULLIFIED. In other words, you don’t have a freaking right over that guy anymore. Leave your freaking ex-boyfriend alone because you only mess things up with that “claiming” thing. You don’t have a right to claim, you understand me? There are many fishes in the sea, go catch one! And leave that old piranha with the new mate. *Lols

Although I did something like this before, I realized halfway that it won’t do us any good. Get a freaking life and wish all the best to your ex-boyfriend. Go hunt another jaw, you ladies!

Hahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Kidding. Note: Girls, my point is – Don’t embarrass yourself . Move on. :)

Taking A Break From Selfishness

You guys sedar ka something? Walaupun kita mengaku yg kita ni selfish, tapi sebenarnya kita tidak la se-selfish mana. Memang la adat manusia ni ada perasaan. Memang kita akan ada cara untuk tunjukkan our compassion towards others.

Kita takut kita dipergunakan. Kita takut orang lain ambil kesempatan. Tapi sedar atau tidak, adakalanya we purposely put ourselves in that situation so that people can benefit from us. I think I know how it feels. Now I also let something like that happens. So I am now experiencing this act with my own body and mind.

I’m purposely being there for this friend of mine because I KNOW he might need a good company. He went through a bitter breakup and he’s struggling to get over it. I come right in time. And I let myself chip in to his life in his longing time. I know that he’s in a fragile state. Someone who just went through a breakup would easily turn to others for support. I came out of nowhere and make myself that support that he might need. I realize that I could be “used” or be taken advantage of – I mean, he might just come to me when he needs someone to share his heavy heart and not more than that. I know about it all along. But I don’t take it hard this time. I make it simple. This time, it’s really purely about helping him to move on. I don’t know why I want to help him. I don’t have anything to gain from this. I barely know him to like him that much, but still, I think I don’t mind lending my shoulder for him to cry on.

I think maybe I do find my own unique way to take a break from being selfish. Maybe I’m bored that I think about myself all the time. It’s all about what I want, what I need, what I like – and it’s all about Me, Myself and I. Maybe because I understand how he feels, I really feel it’s really NOTHING to just cheer him up. I know my gifts. I have this abilities to make people smile, and maybe, make them enjoy my company too. I know that I have those advantages. People have been telling me forever that sometimes they got really addicted talking to me in the early stage of a friendship. Thinking of all those things, I really feel that I’m not even doing anything more. I’m just being myself, and make a little space for this friend so that he feels that he’s not alone.

If people ask me if I have an agenda, the answer is NO. If I have an agenda, I wouldn’t want to do this. I’m better off doing something else. I am NOT doing any evaluation on him. Just an elementary test of chemistry. If we got each other’s tune right, I think my job is easier from there. He doesn’t have to have the qualities of the man that I might like. He doesn’t have to be romantic and melt my heart. He doesn’t have to sweet talk. Hell, I don’t even care if he thinks I’m attractive. It’s strange that I claim very little significance in this. This isn’t about me. It’s about me helping him. I think he needs my help. I don’t care about being classy or sophisticated [256] by impression. I just don’t care. I just want to be my little humble self and at the same time, help a friend.

Any sacrifice? Yes maybe a bit. I did sacrifice my time though. I think that’s how I make the space. But it’s the sacrifice that doesn’t affect me the bad way. My little thought said to me that I could quit this “job” anytime before it’s done, but I said, I’ll stay a little longer. I might leave as soon as he’s okay. I think by then, it’s a done mission. This guy doesn’t know that he needs me. He thinks that his life is better with me, but if I’m not there, he doesn’t think there would be much difference. But I know he’s happier because he has me. Maybe because he doesn’t request for this, he doesn’t know that he should savour that extra happiness.

I don’t know why. But until when that we gonna breath this air just for our heart to function properly and enough for us to see the sunshine tomorrow. Life is more than just us being alive and able to see the day. It’s about doing something good for someone else, in our very limited capacity. He’s just a heart. But if I help him get healed, a heart is a lot. Because I care enough to help. If you don’t care enough, nothing means anything.

Maybe I can continue taking a break from my selfishness. I feel that this gives myself a value that is beyond any definition. I think, I really should take a break from selfishness. Maybe…my friend doesn’t realize that he’s helping me too. Without him, I might never start to take a break from my selfishness right? Then… I should thank him too. :)

God and His Mysterious Plan on us …. Again :)

Break-Ups: Why Did It Hurt So Much?

Breaking updoes sound like a sad thing – something is broken, and that “something” is your heart. It becomes really cliché to me now because I think we have not gotten hold of the real reason why did it hurt so much after a breakup. Maybe if we know WHY exactly we felt deeply hurt, maybe we can tackle it. Maybe all this is just an exaggeration. I don’t know yet. Let’s find out. 

Why did we feel so deeply hurt? Was it because… 

1.You feel like you don’t have someone special who loves you anymore? 

2.You still miss him but you have no right of missing him? 

3.The good memories are slicing your flesh inch by inch? 

4.You hate to think that he’s going to hold another girl, the same arms that once held you? 

5.You gave all your love to him but you thought you didn’t deserve this break up? 

6.You felt like you’ve been used all this time? 

7.You felt like you have just received the biggest rejection by someone you once loved? 

OR… 

Do you still love him???? 

I don’t know what your answer is. I just want to tell you guys that maybe I’ve been through something like that too. It doesn’t matter what my answer to it back then, cos the ENDING is the same. It’s Pathetic. 

After it was all over, though it was pretty tough at first, but I got through it. The worst thing about grieving over a breakup is the feeling of stupidity in the end. WHY did I cry for someone like that? Seriously. After I mix with more people, see more of this life, you’ll know what I’m talking about. I regretted my time crying over one person who wasn’t worth it. I mean, if he’s worth it to begin with, that relationship should have worked even how bumpy the road is. There are many many more wonderful people I can meet outside HIS world. Look at you, you are THAT worthy. You can get anyone better and you deserve someone better. 

I’m sorry if a freaking breakup make me a selfish person. I’m sorry if a freaking breakup make me invincible. I’m sorry if a freaking breakup make me heartless. I’m sorry if a freaking breakup makes it hard for me to fall in love again. See that? Break ups can result a NEW you. Cos I believe, this new version of you after a breakup, is not exchangeable with anything else. Whatever comes from you next is going to be a smart thing because to me, breakups only make us a better person. 

Maybe breaking up isn’t as much hell as we thought all this while.
*giggles.

Does The Truth Always Count?

Think for a while. People always demand NOTHING BUTH THE TRUTH, right? Don’t be surprised when I tell you that…in certain aspects of our lives, it’s better that we DON’T know the truth. We prefer to stand by what we believe to be true, but what we believe is not necessarily the truth. This thought occurred to me just now. I had a talk with my guyfriend and he made me thinking about the last relationship that I had. The fact that I always have good thoughts about my ex made me blame myself for what happened. Then he raised some sensible issues…about how loyal was he to me when we were still together. For all the years, one thing that I could never question is his loyalty. Come to think about it, it could be that it was only me who thought and believed so – because I could depend on my instinct that he never cheated on me, but HOW SURE WAS I? The truth is still out there, whether or not it’s in my favour. What if, he’s been cheating on me all the way? What if he had wanted to call it a quit long before the breakup? Those could be the TRUTH, ya know. Yes, since this is in my past, can I give it a little leeway? Can I ignore what the TRUTH might be? If the truth is against me, IMAGINE what would I feel, RIGHT NOW. Can I just shut the door of curiosity and end all these question marks? No matter what the truth is, it’s all behind me, right? To know the truth ONLY NOW will still hurt me deeply if it’s something against what I have always believed ever since. So, CAN I JUST IGNORE THE TRUTH, GUYS? CAN I CHOOSE NOT TO KNOW THE TRUTH? Because only this way that I can lay my mind at rest and think that everything is okay since the last time I attended this matter in my head. Can I just carry on thinking that my ex is still one of the most loyal, sexy creature that I have ever known? Can I refuse to know more about his weaknesses? YES I CAN, BECAUSE I DECIDE SO. I won’t make my life harder. Now you understand what I mean, right? If you’re in this situation right now, you know that THE TRUTH DOESN’T COUNT THAT MUCH ANYMORE. I just want to look forward and feel good about this life. What is good will remain good to me, even if it takes me a little bit of lies here and there. I DON’T CARE and for that to happen, maybe I should just be happy for who I am and who I have in my life. If it’s good, then it’s good. I don’t want ANY BITTER TRUTH to change that. ---- Think about it guys *Winks

It Hurts So Badly...Trust Me

After I read posting from a friend’s blog (Dingobee) about breakups a few days ago, I think that I should give my share of views. Hey, people break up all the time. I can tell that there are a lot more hearts out there, got broken and fell into pieces, as we speak. Imagine that. This is NOT something abnormal, my dear friends. You have not experienced your heart broken yet? Aha…get ready. It could be your turn next. Not scaring anybody. But this is reality. It’s VERY normal for people who HAVE HEARTS. So you have a heart? 

 
I am still considered lucky. At least I don’t have the experience of seeing my boyf cheating on me and at the same time, fathered a baby with another woman. That is very2 hurting my dear friend, Dingobee. Something that I have learnt from you, women do have strength that can carry the weight of the world on their shoulders. I always say it but I am not sure if I have that strength when it comes to collecting the pieces of my broken heart. It sure is painful but you survived it and I am more than happy to take your experience as my inspiration. I should always tell myself that if she can do it, why can’t I?

 
I am feeling generous today to share m
y experience with you. I am given by God, a very fragile heart. My friend, Dingobee…would you say you have a fragile heart too? I tell you my friends, to have been given a heart so fragile, is A very TOUGH thing. Other than the fact that I know I should be thankful for every cell of being I am, I have a lot of things to feel sorry for when it comes to this. This fragile heart might not stand too much of anything this life has to offer – it can break into pieces so so easily. Can I collect the pieces and make my heart whole again? You tell me, my friends.

I still feel the heat from the tremendous sadness that I had months ago. I had never felt so so hurt…and still, it has not come close to the pain you once had, Dingobee. It was so funny that I thought I was over the person. Almost a year I have been lying to myself that I was over him. I even tried to hook up with a few other guys who tried to get my attention. I thought I was over him. I even wrote a posting to my first blog for the world to read, that I was finally OVER him. Boy, was I wrong. I couldn’t be wrong about it because my heart was bleeding like crazy by the time I learnt something about the man I once loved. The man that I have hurt so so badly and the man who might not have the accurate idea that he actually had really won my heart, like never before. I walked like a zombie. I didn’t know what was happening around me. I reached my room and I turned on the song “WHEN YOU’RE GONE” by Avril Lavigne, and that was when my tears started to pour like crazy. I pressed my chest where my heart is, and I felt it bled. Oh it was so painful. I put my face on my pillow so that I could cry and cry without having to worry that I would skip a tiny sound from my crying. I wanted so so much to scream and let go as I cried, but I couldn’t let the world know how much I was hurting inside. I couldn’t let the world know that I was so so weak. I didn’t remember if I said his name repeatedly. I didn’t remember if I said I’m sorry. I didn’t remember that after all my tears, it was still the best thing to happen for both of us. But I think, it was logical that I cried out, “Oh God, help me God…it’s hurting me so badly. Help me God…I can’t stand this pain…” because I remember taking a 7-inch cross from my drawer and hugged it. I needed a strength that I was sure I didn’t have. I poured out my tears until I had no more tears to cry as I was hugging the cross. Now, do you feel like crying too?

 

Do we have to do all that to let go off the pain? In my case, I don’t have a choice. I just followed what my body felt like doing. And even after the painful nite, I was still finding myself crying even at work. My tears just built up at the corner of my eyes and I would wipe them before I ended up embarrassing myself. Woww…isn’t that something? It’s beyond our control. Do you think I want to go through something like that, Once Again? No, right? I would be crazy if I say that I enjoy it.

Look at me now. It was only months ago and now I feel like I have left it years ago. Life can throw anything at you, my friends. It’s How You Take It. Yeah, you don’t have a choice, so just take it all. But watch where you’re moving my friends. Don’t call it a quit yet. I don’t have that strength but yet, I survived it. Why can’t you? I tell you, YOU DON’T WANT TO BE ME, just by knowing how fragile I am. But here I am today. I can smile, I can laugh and I am feeling more powerful than ever. It’s MEANT to be that way, my friends. Some special people will drop by at your life, some shorter, some longer…but each of them will leave a mark in your life. How you cope with it will remain a priceless experience to you. If you have to cover your face on your pillow and hug a cross to sleep just so you can survive the painful now, Go Ahead and Do It. Survive The Pain. What matters is…who you are tomorrow and the days after. 

You want to do it my way? Try this. I never make enemies with the person I once loved. I might get hurt so badly, but he might not know it at all. I will always remember him for all the loving person he is. That doesn’t hurt at all, my friend. Remember that you can choose what to bring with you on your way to your old days. Make sure to store all the great things life taught you. You will need those to your dying breath. Breakups or your moments of glory…they will all be your treasure one day. Trust Me. :) 

SEDUCING YOUR EX BACK TO YOUR LAP

First, seducing your ex? Are you out of your mind? *LoL. But hey, Just In Case...just in case you find yourself in such a pitiful position that you think you have to cling to your ex for survival?? Omigawd! Not that I want it to sound terribly pathetic anymore than it already is... My advice would be... 

1. Is your brain doing well? If Yes...think for a second. How on earth your Ex is an X (instead of a Y or any other letter, you name it!!) If your Ex is That Good to begin with, he might be any other letter but an X to you (you get what I mean? Ok great.) My point is...is it worth it to even start thinking about seducing your ex back??? 

2. Get a mirror, as fast as you can. Look at the person in the mirror. Look at how charming that person could be. Yes, that person is YOU. If you’re not great to begin with, Your Ex wouldn’t...at one time of his life...courting you as if you were the only lady alive. So if your Ex’s eyes went wrong for any other reasons, it’s his problem, not Yours. Trust me, you only get more beautiful Everyday. It’s his eyes, my dear...Not yourself...that has something wrong going on. You’re That Worthy ladies...that worthy. So You deserve a better guy! 

3. Get Even! Women are generally weak physically but hey, we are VERY STRONG inside. We are born to be humble that men could never measure our strength by just looking at us and our femininity. For some reasons your ex has already become your Ex so Never lose track of how he deserves to be a former boyfriend. Just because he made sacrifices to you in the past, or went on his knees, singing lullabyes to you...Forget them all!! He doesn’t appreciate doing all those things anymore...so just shout THANK YOU to the past and smash those memories outside the window and shut it tight! *Bingo! 

If all the above don’t work for you and you still want to go ahead with your mission...Oh well...then give it a shot. I actually believe in Gurl Powerz. If your ex is still the air that your breath...I suggest that you cling to “it”. The only reason why I second to this is because I believe that smart women know what they want and smart women will do ANYTHING TO GET WHAT THEY WANT. So Good Luck!