Do you entertain requests like, “You cannot make friends to those people” “You cannot talk to him/her without my concern” - from just anybody?
In reality, “A License” to do something like that is “a MUST” to me. I mean, this is about WHO deserves to get priority in your life. Yes, you read me. WHO. That means, you can’t just treat everyone the same. They need to be “somebody” special or important for them to “demand” anything special from you. Do you use that kind of concept?
As for me, I would love to deny it and make things sound more innocent and simpler for other people, but I think I DO wear that concept of Who Is More Than Who. I think, this is just about knowing to whom your better attention should go to. Of course, family is not in the list. THEY already have that priority from birth. But speaking of other people, you need a certain reason why they can have “that license” to demand your attention more than the rest.
In one way, this could be seen as practising “double standard” which is not a cool idea, but lets not make it sound bad. I have been getting mean remarks from some online acquaintances that, “Twofivesix[256] only make friends with certain people”. In other words, my online character is seen as someone who “pick friends”. That is actually NOT true, my friends. Online or not online, this is just how I do it. I don’t really care about WHO, but it’s more about How comfortable the friendship is. But maybe because it’s the virtual world, I have certain limits to obey because I’m comfortable with that for now. Maybe to some people, it’s hard to get close to me, but to the very few who have “the license”, I can even simply take a snap of myself instantly and mms the picture right away – “This is my new hair!” – So, this is what I call, having the license. It’s just fun to give the few people certain priority like that. I think that with this, the few people know that they have a special place in my heart. It’s so so fulfilling when you find yourself being “that person” who becomes the priority of someone you know. It’s just so rewarding, so I know it is also that rewarding for the few people who get that “license” from me. I Like the word “Special”. Maybe because I also want to be treated that way by certain people. But I am not sure if everyone else use the same concept.
So, a silly issue can come to the surface. What If, someone who you think, doesn’t have that license yet, actually demands so much from you? Yes, I am the type who would need you to show “that license” first before you ask “so much” from me. I mean, I would treat all my friends nicely. If they ask me out for a hangout, I would make time for it if I could. But if I can’t, they know how to accept it and not making me feel like I just did a serious offense by not making myself available. Actually, for quite a while, I have been letting some people making demands on me. For friendship sake, I entertained it. But like I said, I have limits too. I got so suffocated with this “demanding” thing and it would turn me into a “rebel” when I feel like this is starting to press me. Maybe I didn’t watch closely how I have let things go, and at one point I just snapped and saw it’s hitting the limit line already. Then now I have to speak!
“This is too much!”
Then it’s when I start to be a bit defensive. “You don’t just go and demand things from me when you have not gotten the proper license to do that!” Erkss…of course I don’t say it out loud, but when I start to have thoughts like that. It’s a bad sign. This can become a poison to the friendship, don’t you think so? So it’s best to watch the limit so that we don’t demand too much from a friend, to the extent that you are starting to make them feel so uncomfortable. It happens to me a few times so I know it’s not cool. We don’t want to lose friendships that way, do we?
How do you know that you’re crossing the line? You would get funny responses from your friends. Like they start to say No and giving excuses to your requests. Even the simplest ones. That’s just their way of being defensive and trying to redraw the border. I’m sorry if the concept does sound a bit mean. But that’s the way it is. I can’t treat a normal guyfriend like I would do to a special boyfriend, right? If you’re just a normal guyfriend to me, you can’t ask that much attention from me as if you were already my boyfriend, right? Likewise, I also cannot ask too much attention from any of my normal guyfriends. I have to understand that they have their own lives too, so if they can’t make time for me, I should understand. It’s just a natural way of understanding where we stand in someone’s life.
I have friends who told me I am sometimes being too emotionless. They would expect me to feel jealous or at least show some uneasiness when they do something purposely to see my reaction. And in those few cases, I was the last one to laugh. Because when I found out everything was done on the purpose to see how I would react, it usually didn’t work. My answer is very simple. If you’re not my special boyfriend, I don’t need the reason to have those unnecessary reactions. Why? Because for me, that’s how I should react towards a normal friend. So, I do expect that people do the same to me. Until I am your special girlfriend, I don’t expect people to be so demanding towards me. Cos I don’t have much to offer. That’s very honest. If you are my friend, I only have my friendship to offer.
Be careful, sometimes we don’t notice that we are actually demanding too much from our friends. So, the point is to not get carried away with it. I don’t think this is that serious, but at least, you know how much you should expect from a friend and if you are overdoing it, you can always readjust and mend things before it harms the friendship. I can’t stand when someone gets too jealous or too pushy or anything like that – checking me, stalking me and even questioning me what I do, who I go out with…It’s suffocating me ba. I can only give one and only guy the license to demand that much from me. I don’t think you guys can stand something like that too. It’s just too unfair.
Let’s just enjoy the friendship in the most innocent way. A good friendship doesn’t give pressures. I understand that some people are too possessive, that they want extra attentions, but my suggestion is – demand the proper attention from the proper person. While we are still holding on to the word “friendship”, this is the best time to enjoy everything without so much emotional complications. Trust me, all those complications will be the air that you breathe should you guys proceed to the next level after friendship. But before that happens, all this too much demanding “without a proper license” is so premature.
Maybe this post will not tell you anything new. But it might help you to reexamine your ways. This is also a reminder to myself just in case I do something like this to my own friends too. Because I can seriously tell you guys, it doesn’t feel good at all to be in this situation. The act of trying to draw a distance from your friends is not a good thing. I don’t like it. But in some cases, I feel the need to do it because it doesn’t make you feel comfortable anymore.
So, if you can’t help it – maybe you Should try and get “the License” first and earn the ways to demand! *Lols. That’s the only way you’ve got baby! *giggles.
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