To Use And Be Used – More Normal Than What You Would Admit

Di dalam hidup ni, you guys might hate to admit facts that sound like devilish, such as using your own friend or family to get what you want, but the fact is, it is something that we do all the time!!

Maybe it’s too small to be detected or defined – but we humans, we have our daily needs. To get something, to achieve something or just to make our lives better – yup, sometimes we don’t realize that we are using other people to get there. Maybe not exactly like “stepping on their back” and hurt them. That’s the beauty of it. Sometimes they don’t even know that we are using them, because they feel like they also have a share of joy while they are being used by us. In the other hand, we don’t realize that it’s also that often that we are in the place of the person to is being used. So agree or not, our life is full of people using and getting used!!

For example. You just broken up from a long relationship. You feel so devastated by your sudden singleness. You need someone to make up for that empty space. So you meet new people, you might even flirt a bit just to make it even fun. They new friends that you make don’t know that you look for them because you want to kill your loneliness. You spend one day talking with them on YM or SMS or even call, just so you can slow down on your thoughts of your past love. Yes, it appears that you’re exchanging laughs and smiles and thoughts – but actually, you know that it is all in the surface only. Your heart is still bleeding. The moment you stop talking with these new friends, it will continue to bleed profusely. Then, you have to continue getting in touch with people just for the sake of slowing down your aching heart. They new girls that you make friends with, might feel that this is MORE than just a “slowing down hurting process”cos they might enjoy your company so much. They laugh at your jokes and they feel like you’re like a new friend who they have always asked for. But for you, this could end anytime. They are there just because you need their urgent companion. You see that? You’re actually using them for your own good, but they don’t know it because they are having fun too.

Another example. A friend or family asks for your favour. They tell you that, they want to promote your work to other people, but actually they only want to get your favour for free. At the same time, you don’t see that you are being used because you’re busy trying to prove your skill and get recognized for it. You don’t know that the whole idea is started from a friend trying to save cost to get something that is reasonably good – and you are the best option there is. So, again, someone is using someone and someone is getting used by someone. It happens all the time!!

The good news is, sometimes it starts that way, but it eventually leads to something good. Sebab, sepa tau yg akhirnya gara2 kau mau buang boring or sunyi, kau akhirnya betul2 sangkut dengan kawan baru kau tu. Then, you might as well don’t have to tell everything yg u come to her sebab dia ja yang sudi mau mendengar luahan hati kau tu. Memang life macam ni. We have a way of getting what we want, and we use all the “tools” available for us to achieve what we want. It’s a painful fact to agree on, but it’s as normal as drinking water. You don’t even know that it should be given a term because everyone does it!

So…in the journey of using and being used – as long as everybody does something that benefits them, then maybe we can just let it be. Cos the foundation is right from the beginning, no matter if we are using or being used, we all gain something good from it. It all that matters right? :)

"Nothing Comes Free"

I was about to send one of my pcs to the shop. Then I remember that my bro is always the computer genius in the family. I asked my bro if he has the time to reformat my pc, he said okay. I told my bro that, "I will pay you like what I pay the pc shop." He kept quiet. It was actually not a good thing to talk about payment when it comes to families. So I understand why he didn't want to talk about it. So just now, he did all the job to my pc. Just the simplest job that didn't take him even a freaking hour. This is just a piece of cake to him. He even solve the strangest pc problems in the whole family and relatives. In fact, my bro earned a lot of money when he worked as an apprentice at a pc shop during his college years. It was where he got all his knowledge from, considering that he didn't take computer course for his degree. But since he didn't pick that field for his serious career, my uncles usually asked him to do laptop works for them, for free. I'm sure that my bro won't talk about money. It was just improper to ask for payment, right?

But when it comes to me, it's different. I know how to value one's skills and talents. Maybe that's how much I would like people to value mine. Nothing comes free this day. I mean, if you are the one who is offering your hands to others, it's okay to put "Free", but not when you are the one who is asking for other's hands. You have no right to put Free for their service. That's my concept. So after my bro did his job with my pc, I gave him the money which I would exactly pay the pc shop. He didn't want to take it. So I just pushed the money and asked him to take it - letting him know that I don't give you this money because I think you don't have money, but this is because of you serviced my pc and I would still have to pay the same amount should anybody else does it. So, it's very simple. Family is family, but when it comes to something that need someone's professionalism, nothing comes free these days. At least, we be compassionate enough to value people's work. If you think their skills are nothing, you might as well be doing it with your own hands. As long as you need someone else's hands, their skills are never too cheap, not to mention FREE. So, you know what to do. Family or not, nothing comes free :)

The Charming You

You guys pernah terfikir about the quality that most people like about you? I mean, you should at least have the idea, right? Well, just a reason to smile about before you go and start the day :)

As for me…let me think. I think I don’t have much charm to brag about. Hehehe. But if you need a company to listen to you, you will definitely find me a very convenient companion because I am a very good listener. I think that’s all that is good in me. *Lols. Ok ok…let me think. Ahaa… if you are a good listener, you usually might find pleasure listening to my train talk and neverending laughing as long as it doesn’t exceed half and hour. Cos if it’s prolonged, you might want to pinch me to stop. Cos I usually forgot when to stop. Hahahahahahahahaaha. Just kidding.

For those who never talk to me live and only chat with me online, usually they will say that I’m a good talker. Maybe because I’m used to write a lot. I seldom run out of topic to write about. Actually, I try to find out why some people find me a good chatfriend, I think it’s because I can express myself very well in writing. Not everyone can express themselves well in writing. I can assure you. Some people can sound very boring with their written language when they are actually very fun as a person. I found quite a few of them. They sound very cold when they are in chatrooms, but as a person, they are as lively as can be. So you know you can never judge a person from the way they express themselves in chatrooms. Not everyone is readable.

To those who talk on the phone with me, usually they say that I sound so cheerful because I laugh all the time. So if you have very limited credit, please think twice before you want to call me because I will spend half of the time to laugh for no reason at all. Hahahahaahahahahahahaahaha. So now you understand why they say their stress is gone when they talk to me? Cos I help them to laugh!! Hahahahahahaha. Erksss…just kidding. :PP

Ok peeps. Just something to cheer us up. It’s quite a stressful Monday morning today. I write this before I enter “the battle” for today. Quite a funny way to “start the engine” right? *Lols.

Have a nice Monday everyone!

And remember, you are Charming in Your Own Way so smile...:)

The Spiritual Me

One of the best episodes I watched on Oprah is about Spiritualism. I like it so much. In fact, I was startled by the fact that what they are talking about, isn’t anything new to me. I don’t know why they make me feel like they just put it in words for me to understand what I’m doing all this while.

The concept is like this. We are more than just our bodies. It’s not our body which has our soul in it, but it’s more like our soul that is wearing our body. So you know, SOUL is an entity that is not physical. If we can learn how to get connected to our spiritual being, we can live life the best way we cannot do in the normal way. We will be more content and happy, and we will see life more interesting and not get carried away with our worldly cares.

How to get connected with your spiritual being? Among them are, you must be in touch with the nature, appreciate the little details that is happening around you, and the ritual is “taking a silent moment” every morning, thinking about nothing at all, before you are ready to face the day. Okay, I am not here to repeat or summarize what they discuss on Oprah. I am here to clarify why I feel like I have something in common with this spiritualism subject.

From my blog, I think you guys can sense that I think a little bit different from most people. I like to see things in different perspective and I tend to exaggerate things that are small to some people. I also think too much. And from my everyday thing, I often become the place where people share their burdens. All this makes me connected to my spiritual being, actually. Or maybe, it’s the other way around. Maybe it’s because I am an individual who is already connected with my spiritual being and so people can easily connect with me. Well, it doesn’t matter what the answer is.

Although I have a few attitudes that make life harder for me – but I never get too carried away with it. I find that there’s something inside me that gives it a balance. Although I know that I am a human of many weaknesses, I always believe that regardless my weaknesses, there’s always the better side of me that people don’t have to know exist. As long as I know it, and that’s enough. For example, if people give bad comment about myself, and yes, they can make me feel very bad. But deep inside of me, I just know that I am never as bad as they said. Although how bad I feel about myself, one side of me just know that I am never that bad. This way, I always can find balance between my negative and positive. You know, too much of something is bad. I can say that it could be the only thing left for myself when I feel like the world is tumbling down. I just know that this world is all there is. Not everything can be seen with bare eyes. So I'm using this to tell myself, no matter how bad people think about me, I know that there's something better inside. I only need to be strong enough to believe that what's really inside me matters more than just the impressions that people can see.

I don't think I can explain this to you guys. You have to search it within yourself and you'll know what I'm talking about. As far as the Spiritual Me is concerned, life is still damn hard. But the trick is, I always have a way to enjoy life. Cos maybe I've known it all this while, that My Soul is running my body, and not my body running my soul. My Soul is always whole. Nothing can hurt it. So...

Remember that. Nothing in this world can be SO Bad. Nothing can hurt who you really are :) You only need to connect to your spiritual being and you will feel whole again. :)

Si Lurus Bendul dan Si Opportunist

Dalam hidup ni, macam2 cabaran. Kalau mau pikir betul cabaran ni semua, boleh tarik nafas buat keluhan yang sangat panjang. Tidak terkata.

I remember the conversation I had with kenalan2 perempuan yg lagi berpengalaman daripada sia. Sia ni a totally a beginner compared to them. Actually, sia ni boleh dikatakan “the lost one” iaitu seorang yang sesat dalam field ni. I should be doing another career. Walaupun education sia lagi tinggi sikit dari dorang, tapi dorang ni sudah tau selok belok mau maju. Sia ni apa juga? Si lurus bendul yang bikin panas. Sia geram dengan diri sia sendiri sebab sometimes sia ni tidak tau rebut peluang. Sia hairan, kalau la orang lain yg berada di tempat sia, adakah dorang akan buat macam sia juga? I definitely can be an opportunist yang akan sapu habis semua peluang yang sia ada.

I talked to a lady. Dia ni banyak membuka mata sia tentang how filthy this world is. Dia ni sentiasa dapat business yang besar2. Ada saja project yg dia dapat. Entah dari mana datang. Mau cakap dia ni kenal banyak org, pun tidak juga. Reputation dia ni sudah tercemar pun. Pandai tipu2 sikit. Cakap tidak serupa bikin. So finally when sia spend masa bercakap dengan dia, dia reveal macam2 benda. Pengalaman dia ni membuatkan dia tidak gentar kalau setakat kena gertak or kena marah sikit oleh customers or landlord or any of business partners dia. Sia pun heran daripada dia dapat perisai yang buat dia kalis maki. Mungkin betul dia memang ada pengalaman. Dia cakap sama sia,

“Perempuan kena pandai sikit kalau mau dapat project. Kau pikir senang ka? Kadang2 kau minta sain tu borang pun itu pegawai mau pok bawa kau karaoke dulu. Kalau kau menolak, jangan harap dia mau tinguk borang kau.”

Terus sia terkejut la. “Sampai macam tu terukkah?”

Dia cakap kalau orang sudah pakar dalam ni hal, body language org tu pun kita tau yg dia harap dapat something before he does something for you. Apa lagi kalau yg berkuasa tu adalah lelaki, dan pemohon tu perempuan. Dia memang mau pok something else baru dia bagi kau.

When I asked her about her experiences, she said dia pernah pegi karaoke, nyanyi macam tu urg buduh, setakat mau ambil hati orang yang berkepentingan tu. Sia extend lagi soalan sia kepada part yang sensitive sikit. “Karaoke, that’s all? No hanky panky ka?”

That she said, “Uiii jangan kau. Silap2 memang dorang mau juga tu. But kau kena pandai la. Kalau tidak, memang badan kau pun dia mau tu”

Dalam hati sia cakap, “Kalau sudah ikut pergi karaoke, duduk minum2 lama2, mau kena pandai macamana lagi? Kalau sia mau tunjuk pandai, pegi karaoke pun sia tidak mau.”

Kesimpulannya, “Sepa pandai play this game, dia la yang dapat.”

Sia jadi pening kejap dengar apa dia cakap. Lain lagi yang under the table. Kau mau dia sain, mesti mau bagi “duit kopi”. Sia honestly tidak pandai main bengkang bengkok ni. Told you I’m si lurus bendul yang bikin panas. *Lols. Entah how to start playing it, cos kalau sia sendiri yang mau dirasuah, sia akan rasa terhina. Ketara betul orang pikir sia ni teda prinsip punya orang, sampaikan kena rasuah baru sia mau buat something. Emmmm….

Tapi mungkinkah it’s just me who choose to hide under this shell? Sebelum fikiran sia dikotorkan dengan cerita2 ni semua, sia masih boleh dapat apa yang sia mau dengan jalan lurus. Masa tu, sia manatau dunia ni begitu kotor. The first urusan yang I did, I got it easy and fast. That’s why ada orang hairan. Orang pikir sia pakai bengkang bengkok. Uiks? Tapi I was just lucky for one time maybe? Sebab selepas tu, sia pun mcm yang lain juga. Struggling to get what I want. I feel how hard it is. I feel how terribly hard it is. So kalau I get anything, it’s my own effort. Apa boleh buat kalau sudah memang sia ni si Lurus Bendul yang bikin panas? *Lols.

Tapi dalam kepayahan melalui liku2 hidup ni, kadang2 sia pun tercabar juga. Mungkin kalau kasi bend sikit, mungkin lebih mudah kan? Memang tercabar. Apa lagi kalau ada sifu2 yang memang terer main hanky panky untuk dapatkan sesuatu. Haru biru jadinya kalau mau berguru dengan dorang ni. Apa lagi kalau orang sentiasa bagitau kelebihan seorang perempuan untuk mendapatkan sesuatu. They said, Perempuan ni ada kelebihan. Kelebihan macamana tu ah? Mungkin sebab perempuan ada tarikan. Tapi ini yg membuatkan hidup ni lagi mencabar untuk seorang perempuan. Ada orang yang mau ambil kesempatan. Tapi kalau betul2 mau pikir pasal peluang mau maju, jadilah si Opportunist. Semua peluang dia sambar.

Kadang2 di saat rasa kepayahan, memang terpikir juga macamana kalau jadi seorang Opportunist. Bila lagi kan? Memang banyak peluang yang terbuka untuk sia kalau sia mau jadi si Opportunist. Ada beberapa kali boss bangunan tempat kerja sia ni datang and have a chat with me. Siap drop phone number dia lagi, “Just call me if anything”. Suruh I call him by his shortname lagi, dan bukannya as boss and client. Sampai itu security guard pun pegi bising2 bagitau yang lain, “Itu taukeh mau tekel si 256”. I never use the chance to get what I want. The opportunists yang lain sudah pernah jack2 itu boss untuk dapat discount. Itu boss lembut hati, dia bagi juga. I wonder why sia tidak pernah try to be like them just to get what I want. Mungkin juga sia mau save face. Or sia tidak mau my principle terjejas. What’s with principles and stands? Itu semua kena kira lagi kah di zaman sekarang ni?

Paning sia pikir ni benda semua. Sometimes sia rasa sia mau baring di katil dan titun sepuas-puasnya sehari suntuk supaya sia boleh berhenti berpikir kejap. Sometimes, inilah masa2 sukar yang kita akan lalui. Kita akan reexamine kita punya purpose, perjuangan, principles and sia kena redefine kita punya rules. Kadang2 kalau terlampau mengikut garis panduan pun, rasa sesak napas. Ya, macam yg sia rasa sekarang ni lah. Payahnya menjadi si lurus bendul ni kan. Hahahahahahaahahahahaha.

Enuff lah, don’t want to talk more about this. Nanti la kalau sia sudah tumbuh 3 tanduk, nanti I inform you guys ahh… *Lols

/me pingsan ketawa

Muahsss all.

Want To Talk To Me?

Hey all. Finally, I will display an email address where you guys can connect to me other than just through my blog. If this is how we can easily share more of our stories and ideas, I don't mind at all. Thanks my loyal readers. Muahssss :)

twofivesix_256@yahoo.com

Kisah Sebuah Penderitaan

You guys agree with me when I say that Grey’s Anatomy is a very good drama? It’s in fact, one of my favourites. Siapa sangka kerjaya sebagai pakar bedah sebenarnya boleh mendedahkan kita kepada seribu satu macam realiti kehidupan. Pergelutan dengan nyawa yang berjuang untuk hidup, dan how they actually see the lives fly away before their very eyes. Sometimes they even decide when to take the life supporting machine and come with the breaking news for the patient’s family, “Sorry, we already did all we can to save him.”

I take this chance to write about something that I have in mind since ages. Kamu cuba fikir betul2. Banyak orang sakit di luar sana yang menghabiskan masa mendapat rawatan di hospital. Dibedah, dibius, diberi ubat – ada yang terlantar di katil hospital selama berbulan-bulan, bertahun-tahun – selama itulah juga dorang tidak dapat melihat apa yang terjadi di luar sana. Sama ada dorang pikir yg dorang akan kembali kepada kehidupan itu, or adakah dorang hanya berserah dan pasrah sekiranya nafas dorang terhenti bila2 masa?

Sia tengok macam2 movie yang inspire me. How a person yg kena diagnose with a serious disease, given a few options how to treat the disease. But sebelum kena diagnose, orang tu macam orang normal saja. Dia lalui hidup dia dengan suka duka, pergi kerja, jumpa kawan2 dan makan macam2 yang dia suka. Tiba2 bila dia tau dia ada penyakit, semua berubah. Penyakit itu belum pun menyakiti dia. Dia tidak rasa pun yang dia ada penyakit. Tapi dengan kaedah perubatan moden, doktor tu cakap dalam badan dia tu macam2 kerosakan. Kalau dibiarkan, dia mungkin akan hidup kurang dari 1 tahun. Then, what should the person do?

Then when kamu cakap, “Bolehkah biarkan saja?”. Doktor tu akan cakap macam ni. “Kalau dibiarkan, kau hanya ada 3 bulan hidup.” Then org tu tanya, “Tapi kalau dibedah, macamana?” Doktor tu jawab, “Kalau dibedah, kau mungkin akan hidup sekurang-kurangnya 2 tahun.” Tapi kau sudah nampak apa yang dilalui oleh org lain. Apa guna hidup 2 tahun lagi kalau serupa bangkai bernyawa? Suddenly kau tersedar betapa bagusnya hidup 3 bulan yg dipenuhi makna dan keseronokan. Biarlah singkat, tapi ia betul2 kehidupan dalam ertikata yang sebenarnya.

Actually, ramai yang telah menggunakan pendekatan itu. They decide yang dorang akan teruskan hidup macam biasa dan tidak perlu berduka tentang penyakit dorang. Sampaikan orang2 keliling pun tidak tau. Bila tiba masanya, dorang pergi secara tiba2. Terdetik di hati orang2 keliling dia, kenapa la dia tidak bagitau yg dia sakit? Kenapa dia tidak pergi jalani rawatan?

Actually, mendapatkan rawatan ni memang undeniably cara yang terbaik.untuk FIGHT. Fight untuk mendapatkan peluang hidup yg lebih lama. Tapi nothing is sure. Apa yang sure adalah once kau dapat rawatan, kau akan buang berbulan-bulan atau tahun untuk even pulih dari rawatan tu. Sedangkan kita tau, masa berbulan-bulan tu boleh jadi macam2 benda. Banyak benda kita miss. Dan sekiranya kau refuse untuk jalani rawatan, kau tidak akan lalui benda tu semua. Kau akan save masa di katil bedah. Masa tu kau boleh guna sebaik-baiknya untuk enjoy hidup kau. Orang mungkin cakap kau sudah give up untuk cuba rawat penyakit kau. But looking at it the other way, sebenarnya kau cuma mau jadi realistic. Dalam kes penyakit itu tidak boleh diubati, seolah-olah kamu hanya akan menghabiskan semua duit kamu untuk memanjangkan hayat kamu selama mungkin. Tapi entah kenapa terdetik di hati sia…”HAYAT” yang kamu dapat panjangkan dengan perbelanjaan yang di luar kemampuan kamu tu sebenarnya bukan hayat dalam ertikata sebenarnya. Kamu terlantar lemah di hospital, tidak boleh cakap, tidak boleh makan minum, tidak boleh buka mata dan tengok tv dan dengar cerita orang yg visit kamu – boleh dikatakan, hayat yang kamu perjuangkan itu adalah tidak bermakna. Imagine la ahli keluarga kamu sampai gadai harta untuk dapatkan duit untuk rawatan – hanya untuk kamu ada terus terlantar di katil tu. Kamu tau kamu akan “pergi” juga. Dan gara2 itu, ahli keluarga kamu dikelilingi hutang dan hidup dorang semakin susah, sedangkan dorang masih mempunyai tempoh yang panjang untuk hidup. Sanggupkah kita tengok dorang susah?

My point is…when we look at this in a bigger picture, memang pedih reality kehidupan yang perlu dihadapi oleh sesetengah orang. Entah kenapa sia rasa sedikit kesal bila tau orang yang masih ada begitu banyak mission dalam dunia ni, dan akhirnya diagnosed with a disease, dan then mendapatkan rawatan yang begitu menyeksakan – seolah-olah hidupnya sudah terhenti ketika rawatan tu bermula. Satu kerugian pada dunia ini dan masyarakat. Jadi bila kita dengar celebrity2 yang pergi secara tiba2 tanpa diketahui umum tentang penyakit dorang, sia rasa dorang sudah maksimakan hayat dorang. Hidup ini terlalu indah dan masa kita terlalu singkat. Mungkin juga dorang pikir yang dorang tiada masa untuk melayan penderitaan tu. Hidup ini harus dinikmati selagi boleh bernafas. Esok lusa, kalau ajal datang, tiada apa yang boleh menghentikan. Endingnya tetap sama. Kematian. Tapi sia nampak yang rawatan2 ni adakalanya ridiculous. Menghentikan hidup sebelum masanya. Sedangkan sebelum masuk hospital, semuanya baik2 saja. Gara2 mau dapatkan rawatan, jadi macam bangkai bernyawa. Sia kesal kenapa perlu jadi macam tu. Seolah-olah option untuk tidak mendapat rawatan tu adalah lebih baik, sebab sekurang-kurangnya kita tidak buang masa dengan mengerang kesakitan dan terlantar di hospital. Ahli keluarga kita tidak perlu bergolok gadai. Sebab, endingnya tetap sama…We all gonna die, anyway.

I’m just sharing the little voice from deep within. Terdetik sedikit kekesalan. I don’t know if anything can make this better. Apa la yang sia tau kan? Pengetahuan begitu terbatas. Banyak benda yang sia tidak paham. Just that, in the simplest language, I just feel that adakalanya life ni memang kejam. And the bad news is, there’s nothing we can do about it. Sedih kan guys?

Sia cuma mau pray something ja. Sia harap sepa2 yang hati dia baik, buat amalan yang baik, sia pray yang dorang akan dapat balasan yang baik. Janganlah biar life ini terlalu kejam. Life, janganlah kau terlalu kejam dengan kami. Banyak lagi orang jahat di luar sana, jangan pula orang yang baik2 yang terpaksa menderita. *Sighs.

God, Have Mercy On Us.

Ouch! I Did Not Just Miss That!

A few days ago, it was like an answered prayer. Out of nowhere, there was this business opportunity that was so irresistible. And although I thought that I didn’t fit enough to get the business, but this marketing officer for the company insisted that I tried. It was almost informal conversation the way he asked me to provide him all the prices and quotations. I wanted to tell him that I didn’t specialize in this field involved although I could manage to do it. He kept pushing and pushing me to provide all the details so that he could forward it to his boss. It was kinda funny but I complied anyway. The only thing that I had in mind was – this guy was purposely trying to help me, or what? I mean, I never talked to him, or met him directly, and I never tried promoted anything to him, and suddenly, he was “pushing” a good business deal to me and asked me to make myself fit to get it done. I get the idea that this guy knows me.

Unfortunately, I know I couldn’t come up with the best prices. The reason for this is because it wasn’t my main field so I didn’t have all the equipments that can give me the edge of cutting cost – and offer such a low price. I definitely would lose this project. Almost sure. But I still did all the procedure because I didn’t want to look ungrateful having someone to help me. I thought he was helping me although I didn’t know why.

So this morning, this guy finally called me. “256, your price is way TOO high.” (Hahahaahahahaahahahahahahahahahaha) I almost laughed. I mean, it was predictable. I knew it that the companies who concentrated on this field would definitely give much cheaper price. I knew it but I couldn’t help it because my production cost is already more expensive than the price they offered. So the guy asked me, “How come?” I mean, he sounded a bit upset because I just made myself lose this project after what he did to help me. Logically, in business, it’s all about money. Even if you want to keep a good relation with certain party, money still wins. It’s silly to pay more. And “More” in this case is almost 6 times more expensive. Gotta be kidding me.

So again, he’s being polite to me. Although I didn’t know him, he made it sound as if he was guilty if I lost the project. So he called just to let me know and maybe he would wished I could adjust my price, but I COULDN’T. “There’s no way I can give you that cheap. It’s ridiculous. Even the cost is more than that.” So I made it easier for him by saying, “You guys just go for the best price, ok?” And that, I made myself clear that I didn’t mind to lose the project. It’s all business here, nothing personal. I am being very rational that the best price wins. I mean, he doesn’t have to feel sorry because it wasn’t me who come to him and beg. He came to me first and asked me to try, so I tried. I wasn’t qualified enough, so I lost. As simple as that.

Why should I feel bad? Suddenly I feel like I lack in fighting spirit. I mean, why does it feel okay to miss a chance like that? It’s not a small job. Is anything wrong with me? Have I lost the fire to achieve something good? Ok, stop it!!! Hahahahahahahahaha. My justification is that – chances can come in many ways. In this case, I don’t purposely try to miss it. It’s just not in my capacity. I’m sure, there are things I can qualify more than any competitors out there, and this chance is not one of them. This is how I look at it. I shouldn’t feel bad at all, and I shouldn’t feel bad for NOT feeling bad :) The right chances will come at the right time, at the right hands. When those right hands are mine, I’m sure the rest of the competitors will react the same way as I did for this one :)

A Cute Love Story

2 hari lalu, I received a visit from this couple yg bakal kawin next month. Dorang ni dua2 pun kuat ketawa. Terjumpa lagi dengan sia yg kuat ketawa, so kerja kami ketawa ja. Hahahahahahaha. Rupanya ada cerita kiut tentang love story dorang ni.

Dorang ni jumpa di MIRC!!! Hahahahaahhaah. Omigawd!! All started in #Sabah. I tell you, kamu tidak tau berapa ramai couple yg actually start kenal dari Mirc and then the next thing you know, they are tying the knot. These people mungkin kawan2 chat kamu. Sepa sangka chat2 biasa pun akan menemukan jodoh dorang, kan? Okay, it doesn’t sounds so new ba kan? Wait until you hear this.

Dorang start chatting di #Sabah. Chatting secara random. Sempat tukar e-mail address before terpisah. Perempuan tu stop chatting sebab dia kena sambung school di sekolah asrama, so hubungan dorang stop di sana. Then, bila dia check mail, ada rupanya mail dari lelaki ni. So akhirnya dorang tukar gambar dan phone. Tapi here comes the cutest part. Pada masa tu, perempuan tu seorang yang sangat gemuk sehingga ke tahap obese, berat dia melebihi 100kg. Masa tu, muka dia langsung tidak cantik. Muka dia banyak jerawat, leher dia tenggelam sebab terlampau gemuk, dan kulit dia kotor dan hitam. Dia memang malu dengan muka dia masa tu. Tapi at the same time, dia mau teruskan berkawan dengan lelaki tu. So you guys know apa dia buat? Dia pegi save gambar Unduk Ngadau dari website, and crop bahagian muka ja, and kasi blur2 sikit gambar tu, dan bagi dengan lelaki tu, kununnya itu adalah pic dia!!! Hahahahahahahahahaha. Duii giaa. And then lelaki tu pun cakap dengan dia, “Buli tahan juga muka kau ni ah”. Hahahaha. Perempuan tu pun diam2 ja menipu. Kalau dia bagi dengan lelaki tu muka sebenar dia, mana lelaki tu mau kawan dengan dia. Itu anggapan dia masa tu.

And dalam masa berkawan dari jarak jauh tu, perempuan tu sedang melalui saat2 yang sukar bergelut dengan penerimaan kawan2 sekolah baru dia terhadap diri dia yang sangat gemuk. Perempuan tu cakap, satu perkara yang dia tidak akan lupa. Iaitu semasa pendaftaran pelajar baru. Dia masuk ruang pendaftaran tu, ada sorang budak lelaki cakap dengan dia, “Helo, salah tempat lah. Sini bukan zoo.” Diikut dengan gelak ketawa. Memang cukup mencabar hidup menjadi si gemuk yang hodoh, pada masa tu. So si perempuan ni bercadang untuk kuruskan badan sebab dia mesti jadi macam Unduk Ngadau dalam gambar tu sebelum dia jumpa dengan lelaki tu nanti. So, keazaman dia terlalu kuat. Dia tidak makan nasi selama 2 tahun dan jogging setiap pagi. Motivasi dia adalah kekasih dia yg belum dia jumpa tu. Dia ambil macam2 teh dan supplement. Sampaikan dia pernah pegi Slim World lagi untuk tolong dia kurus. Akhirnya, daripada berat 100 lebih kg, dia turun ke 68 kg. So imagine perubahan pada diri dia. Selepas dia turun berat badan tu, automatik kulit dia jadi cantik. Dia pun heran macamana kulit dia boleh jadi cerah dan halus. Bila sia tengok kulit dia, sia pun nda pecaya kalau dia cakap dulu dia tu hitam dan banyak jerawat. Sebab kulit dia cukup cantik dan halus. Memang amazing. Lemak2 yg dibuang tu mungkin membawa toksik keluar dari badan dia.

So akhirnya, selepas dua tahun, dorang berjumpa. Memang perempuan tu tetap tidak sama dengan Unduk Ngadau dalam gambar yang dia bagi tu. Lelaki tu ketawa dan cakap, “Ohhh kau tipu pula ahhh” but dorang masing2 ketawa tersipu-sipu. Lelaki tu sebenarnya tidak sempat tengok perempuan tu gemuk berlebihan. Dia cuma dapat tengok di gambar ja. Versi yang dia nampak tu adalah versi perempuan tu yg cantik. Tidak hairanlah hati si lelaki tu tetap terpaut, walaupun dia tipu dia selama 2 tahun dengan gambar Unduk Ngadau. Sia tanya lelaki tu, “Did you feel upset the first time seeing her?” He answered, “Langsung tidak. Semuanya ok saja.” Dia cakap yang dia memang suka dengan cara perempuan tu tanpa mengira muka dia. But sia rasa, biarpun dia tipu gambar tu, dia sebenarnya sangat honest tentang lain2 hal. Tidak hairanlah kalau hati lelaki tu tersentuh.

So bila menjelang perkahwinan dorang, dorang get to meet a stranger like me, and keluar semua cerita lama – sia rasa KAGUM dengan perempuan tu. Walaupun dia pernah jadi si gemuk yg hodoh, dia pernah tipu lelaki tu dengan kirim gambar yang salah, dan dia pernah diejek seolah-olah seekor gorila, dia mengaku boleh habiskan 5 pot nasi seorang diri saja, dan semua orang tidak percaya yg dia ada harapan untuk kurus, tapi dia punya keinginan tu sangat kuat. Masa dia bercakap, sia nampak satu strongwill yang sudah lalui macam2 onak dan duri dan still standing strong. Walaupun sekarang ni berat dia dalam 70kg lebih, dia rasa happy dan dia masih try untuk fight genetic dia yang memang keturunan badan besar. Jadi bila sia cerita dengan dia my little story of gaining weight and susah mau cari baju, suddenly it sounded too old school. Dia jauh lagi teruk daripada gaining weight and trying to lose it. For her, the extra weight is a curse to her from birth. So bukan senang untuk melawan faktor genetic. Suddenly sia rasa bersyukur dengan diri sia sebab sia complain macam2, tapi sebenarnya sia tetap lebih bernasih baik daripada dia.

Dia cerita juga satu peristiwa lucu macamana masa dia masih malu2 dengan lelaki tu time dorang baru jumpa, dia bawa lelaki tu makan di rumah. Masa tu dorang makan ramai2 di lantai. Then masa dia baru mau duduk bersila, seluar dia terkuyak di bahagian paha, dengan sound efek yang betul2 live and alive. Dekat pingsan kakak dia ketawa dari dapur. Masa dia cerita dengan sia tu, lelaki tu pun ikut ketawa ja mengenang masa2 lalu.

Tapi tengoklah sekarang. Dorang pasangan yg bahagia. Pasangan yang comel dan tidak banyak stress. Ini lagi sorang yang inspire me tentang kehidupan. Life ni bagi macam2 benda dengan kita, tapi kalau kita positif, memang outcome dia something like apa yg perempuan tu dapat. Biar la kalau dia masih berat 70 lebih kg, yang penting hati dia happy. Dia berusaha capai impian, dan ada diantaranya sudah berada di genggaman dia. Sia yakin perempuan ni akan pergi jauh. Sia rasa diri sia cuma beginner ja compared to her. And sebagai couple, sia yakin asas hubungan dorang yg macam tu akan menjadikan dorang lebih menghargai sesama sendiri sebab dorang pun menggunakan pendekatan yg betul untuk mencintai…iaitu cinta itu terletak di hati dan bukannya di mata.

Another cute story I’m thankful to learn about.

I want to be in one of those cute stories. Is it in the process of making? Hopefully. *giggles.

The Cashless Experience

Heya peeps. Ya guys know something? I have this habit of not bringing too much cash inside my wallet. It’s just my routine. In fact, I never actually check how much I have left. I usually will check at the time I need the cash. Then it’s a normal view to see me stumbling on my wallet trying to find for a “hidden treasure” inside it. Like, Hey, where’s the freaking 20 cents I need to put in the water machine? Hahahahahahahahahahhaha.

This is one funny habit that I have. I am so negligent when it comes to how much I have in my wallet. I usually will go to a shop, and look for what I want to buy, and put it at the counter, and only I check on my cash. Ouch! Is there any teller machine around here? I saw the expression on the faces of the cashiers. I thought they might think it was absurd to see something like that. How come someone could be so “careless” about how much cash she’s bringing. Yeahhh, I know it’s funny. I find it funny too. And sometimes, tiring. And sometimes, EMBARRASSING!!!! Hahahahahahahahahahahaha.

The “life jacket” for this habit is – I should at least put some effort on making rough calculation on the things that I take to the counter. At least, if I bring little cash, then make sure the things I buy are within the budget. But I proved that I didn’t even use that “life jacket” to save me from trouble. Hehehehe.

Last Saturday, this habit nailed right on my head. Served me right. Hahahahahaha. I took some groceries to the counter, knowing that I had little cash in my wallet. I was sure those things gonna fit my budget. Actually, I didn’t worry a little because I knew there is a teller machine just outside the supermarket. I knew it. But I was too lazy to stop and took some money before I went in and shopped. I thought that I might not need more money. Hahahahahahahaha. So after the cashier punched in the things, I saw the amount, it was just slightly off the budget. It was less than RM2 off the budget. It was so stupid. Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha. With people queuing behind me, I told the cashier, “Ouch! Can you wait?” Then I walked quickly to teller machine. I came back with a smile. I was a bit embarrassed because I made the rest wait. But I managed to control my composure, so nobody actually threw that irritated look at me.

This thing became a habit to me. I don’t know why. I only need to know that the teller machine is around at the shopping mall that I go to, then everything will be safe. This habit gets really creepy sometimes. Sometimes it left me sweating thinking that I might not have a freaking dime at all at the minute I want to use it. Hahahahahhahahahaahaha. With this kind of absent-mindedness, I don’t think it’s impossible. Luckily, the teller machine is everywhere. This is actually the reason why I don’t bother taking cash with me. Yeah, for someone who is using cash all the time, this habit is becoming very hilarious, I must say!

But this habit saved me from greater loss. When my handbag was stolen before, I didn’t have to grieve more that I did. I lost very few cash – all I needed was my new bankcard and I could handle the rest of the difficulties the stupid thief caused me. Maybe I feel so comfortable that the bank keeps my money. But it’s certainly is not the reason why I should go shopping cashless, right? 256, don’t say I don’t warn you. I certainly don’t want you to tell the cashier this, “Can you guys please apply for a teller machine to be located outside this shop?” The last time I said that, they cashier almost choked with laughter. She thought I was kidding. *Lols. Yeahh, okayy okayyyyyyy… I TRY NOT to do it again. Don't let the bed bug bite you twice, is it? Hahahahahahahahahah. Have fun all!