You read my previous post you know I had a bad day. "Ordinary people" like me have a bad day triggered by issues that are taken care well by the people who we thought had it all. Job, money, family, materials -- because they are where they are because of how the manage their priorities and small issues don't bother them. At least thats what I thought.
I have a friend that has it all. From marriage, family, work, wealth, fortune - She just has it all. Because she's serious about planning everything, she sets target and she puts all her energy into reaching it. I should envy her but I prefer to take it easy. I don't put too much effort because I always enjoy what I have. I love my small peaceful life. Maybe I have the word "Grateful" a little overdone?
I'm happy for my friend because of her accomplishments. I'm surprised that when she has achieved so much, she has even more targets than I do when I suppose to have more left to achieve. I could just look at her and I would like to count her blessings for her. She almost has a perfect life. Could I be wrong?
Then during lunch today, while waiting for my food, she whatsapped me. She said she was bored. Then I said, YOU actually have the time to feel bored ka? Because she's the kind who is always busy, if it's not work, it's kids and family, and then she also loves outdoor activities. I'm sure she really doesn't have time to feel bored. She said, "Maybe I'm having a midlife crisis". I read about midlife crisis so many years ago but I don't think it's for people like her. Darn, you have everything and yet you say you are having midlife crisis?
Midlife Crisis means a loss of self confidence and feel anxiety or disappointment because they feel they have not achieved as much as they wished when they reach older age. I don't know why my friend is having it. She sounds like she needs some comfort. "Have you ever had depression?" She asked. I said Yeah, during the end of my uni years when I had to repeat a few subjects. I said to her there was a thought of suicidal too, but I never really took it that seriously though cos I knew it was just in my stupid mind. But I cried a lot that time and wanted to run away from home. Still, I did nothing extreme because I still had my conscience clear. I just knew it was going to pass. But it was enough torture to just think about it again. At least, it was understandable because I was in the verge of failures. But her? What kind of anxiety when she has cash, power and materials to just get what she wants. At least I learn something, all that won't spare you from trials and tribulations. If the poor people will complain about money, the rich people will have other things to complain about. But none of us are spared. No amount of money can save you from this, isn't it scary?
So I give it a little thought. Maybe because my life is so ordinary and moderate, that I have more peace in my life. When she has to meet many expectations. She is always a role model for others. She receives compliments daily for being such a good example. While me, I'm just behind my pen name. I don't share all my good times on social media. I don't get compliments or be made a role model. Maybe I left my friends wondering if I actually have a life at all. Then recently, I showed them a few videos of the good times during my recent trips, I guess they were startled that there is actually a life behind social media. That when I don't share, it doesn't mean I have nothing to share. It doesn't mean I don't have a blast or a good time. But not exposing my life to random people actually help me to just maintain my peace. I think popularity and power do bring some kind of excitement at certain height but when you reach the peak, it starts to only deplete. Cos the stress and pressure to please people and be seen as "the winner".
Maybe my friend used to get everything she wants, she begins to see everything as a competition. She told me once, referring to another friend of hers, "She said she's happy but I don't think she's really happy. I think it's just an imaginary world that she sets up to cover up her gloomy life." Why would anyone think that way, it really made me wonder. Can't she just believe that her friend is happy? Maybe that's what made the issue in her life now. That attitude of Competing. Maybe she silently competes with me too, right? Who knows! So this is what someone could be dealing with, just when we thought they had everything!! Do I need to remind us again, that WE ARE OUR BIGGEST ENEMY?
Yeah, that's the right phrase. As I was still dealing with my disappointment from yesterday, I told myself that. "256, rememberrr...Not that person, not this person, whatever that makes you feel this way is YOURSELF." I have long imagined having a conversation with God, the advice that I had in my head which come from God was, "One day I'm going to give you everything you want and the only thing that stops you is YOURSELF. That time you will know who is your biggest enemy. You need to conquer this enemy." I remember that conversation that I created in my head.
WE ARE OUR BIGGEST ENEMY. Can't we stop ourselves from being our biggest obstacle? We sure can, right? Careful where your mind if leading you. Depression, anxiety, midlife crisis - they are all mind game. Bear in mind. Do not get defeated by your own mind. That mind belongs to you. YOU HAVE POWER over it!!
So for my friend, it's now her battle to win, not against anybody else, but against herself. I know she can survive it and I can't wait to just meet and talk about that victory of conquering her biggest enemy. You go, girl!
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