When Your Friend Tells You Who To Date...

I remember getting this call from a goodfriend. She told me that she was concerned that her colleague (which happens to be her best mate) started to date a younger guy. She said she could tell that the guy was playing around and won’t get serious with her. She said she heard about the guy from his friends that he’s a player. But they were just started dating so the colleague was still excited and could not see what’s coming. She said that because of the new relationship, her colleague didn’t have time to hang out with her anymore. It was always the guy that she went to see. I could recall how upset she sounded when she told me all that. I remember that she said, “I know it’s not going to last.” “I know that she will get hurt in the end.” I was like…Hey hey…stop it. Where all this coming from?

I spent some times thinking WHY my friend sounded so upset about her colleague new date. I mean, even if she could foresee the future, but the colleague is a grown-up too. She knows what she’s doing. After knowing that the colleague has just broken up from a relationship, she needed to cheer up. So when a guy came to her, of course she would accept his companion. When we start talking about “that relationship is not going to last” – Well, even Nostradamus predictions are questionable. So don’t tell me you stop someone from dating just because you have a crystal fortune ball that can tell your friend’s future?! Oh Come On!!

This is another symptom of Overprotective-friend, who think that the date is going to steal the friend away. Look guys…if you ever feel this strange force to defend your friend by stopping her from dating – that’s the first signal. That’s irrational. Like you can’t force love, you can’t force your friends to stay at the neighbourhood forever. There are times when they would need to move out and look for a greener pasture. In this case, think again if you’re protecting your friend or maybe just yourself! Friendships that are true and sincere don’t take LOVE as a reason to end. It’s ridiculous to think that way. Maybe it would slow down for a while but trust me, you will always have a place in your friend’s heart. There are times when she would reach out for you instead of her lover/spouse. So stop that possessiveness because if you love your friend, you would be happy to see her happy. And even if in my friend’s case, she knows for sure the guy is a player, but you never know maybe her colleague also wants the relationship to entertain herself and not more than that. I mean, this is really not your business. If she’s going to make a mistake, LET HER! Because this is the process of living. People make mistakes and learn from it. You can’t just appear as the Mahaguru and tell your friend that this person or that person is not good to date. Remember, if you don’t want your friend to fail, trust me she doesn’t want to fail even 10 times more than you so she must take all the necessary measure to protect herself. Moreover, let them handle their own love journey. Don’t stop them just because you think you would lose a good everyday companion cos That’s Selfish.

Yes, I have told you guys that I have friends like that too. I have my guyfriends who told me they didn’t like me making friends with certain people just because they disliked his attitudes and worried that he might not be the right one for me. I would appreciate that from the bottom of my heart. But nobody knows the future. I think your friends also know their capacity as a human being who Take Chances and Risk Failures. It’s not wrong to say your views that you know certain things about the person your friend is dating and you let your friend know because you think it’s important for her to know. But you can’t just blindly accuse and make judgment that this person or that person is bad just because you don’t want to lose your friend to her new date. Trust me you’re just overreacting. Especially when you come to the level where you start to hate and make enemies with whoever your friend dates. Come on guys…

Be rational. Call yourself a good friend when you only want to see her/him happy. And even if you have to lose his/her companion to the new date – Life goes on. You will have your time too. So don’t make this complicated. Just stay in control with your emotions and nobody has to get hurt before anything bad happen. Just keep the peaceful environment…Friendship and Love --- they don’t have to fight for place in one’s heart cos a special place is reserved for each of them :)