"Are You Happy Now?"

My bestfriend called me up just now. As usual, she started the conversation. Too much work and then getting into a stupid misunderstanding with our other friend lately. I became the place where she came to, and I could only advise her the best I could. I mean, I didn’t get to deal with the petty things she did because I have avoided the potential cause in the first place. It’s pity because her job is much more demanding than mine and yet she has to deal with toxic people. It’s really energy consuming.

Then suddenly she popped out this question. “I want to ask you, Do you feel happy now? Kau rasa bahagia ka sama life kau sekarang?” Then I went…eemmm.. emmm…”Aiks what kind of question is that? Well…I think I have reasons to be happy with my life now, although it’s not yet the best that I can get. Why?” Then she said, “Because I don’t know what to feel with my life now. There’s just too much things bothering me now.” Looking at her life, she has so much more than I do but she still feels insufficient. If that’s the case, I can’t really help her. She must try to look at the brighter side.

And what intrigues me the most is when someone asked me the question whether or not I’m happy with my life – I was a bit hesitant of what to answer. That it made me thinking that I do know that my life is not the best I could get. I still have elements that are lacking and even how much I want to hide it, it shows simply when someone posed me that question out of nowhere.

Now that I realize all over again that my life is insufficient of a few elements, where can I go from here? At least I know and admit it, right? I come to learn that I’m just an imperfect human being, with an imperfect life… but does that mean I just have to accept this insufficiency – thinking that there’s no way an imperfect human being can have a life so good and pretty much enough for everything?

I just think that it’s very fair. I can’t be there at the top when the fact is I’m still climbing the ladder. It’s meant to be that my life is not THERE yet. Speaking of climbing the ladder, I remember many years ago this thanksgiving party made for me to after my little success. Getting straight As for my exam. Many of them came and shook hands with me, giving me something. Most of them are my relatives. And when it was my Moing’s turn to shake hands with me, she said something quite shocking. “Mudah-mudahan kau macam tu tangga…kau dari bawah dan pelan2 naik atas” Then I was a bit disturbed, because that time I felt like I was already at the top. “Hey, that could not work for me,” I thought. But then, she was right. My grades were plunging. But after it all happened, I ask myself maybe I would never know how tough is it to actually experience how to climb every step of the ladder had I not fell that badly. Sometimes I wonder if life is purposely giving my Moing’s wish a way – that I must start at the bottom before I could be on top. Damn it was painful. Although I have left the painful years of falling and trying to regain my pride but I don’t think the wound will be completely gone. When your pride is hurt the wound is going to stay. Who cares about the freaking wound, right? One day, I want to smile and be thankful that I have once fallen flat on the ground. Maybe not yet. But one day. I’ll make that happen.

Maybe you should ask yourself too, Are You Happy With Your Life Now? :)

Note: Remember, Happiness is A Decision :)

Just When You Thought The Zebra Is Yours…

My sister brought in some bad news last nite. Her workmate’s sister got hit but a car on the zebra. It was a hit and run. She died tragically in the age of 19, not lived even half of the life she would expect to live. It was a sad thing. The last pride that I imagined was on the girl’s mind – The Zebra Is Mine. It could be the thing that caused her death.

I saw it how the pedestrians (pejalan kaki) walked on the zebra. Some of them were so brave and thought the street was theirs. Even when we could see some cars were speeding towards the zebra, they just crossed the street thinking that – “Try and hit me on zebra. This road is made for me.” That is almost ridiculous.

It’s the same with the roundabout. The cars in the roundabout own the roundabout. Other cars from the other junctions have to wait until the road is clear then they can take their turn. I remember being inside the car with some people who can memorize the laws very well. If they saw a car trying to move too soon, the car that is already in the roundabout will do its right. “This roundabout is mine”, you can’t steal my road and I’m going to move forward no matter what. If you hit me, you’ll pay the fine. Again, that is almost ridiculous.

If you are trying to stand for YOUR RIGHT when you’re on the road, I want to remind you guys that the law is written nicely in the book. It’s not there to watch you all the time. It is not there to see when you have to loosen up just to MAKE SURE you can reach the destination ALIVE. F*ck with the laws. Who owns this road, who owns that road and who get fined, who will go to jail – to hell with all that. I’m pissed because I want to tell these people that Your Safety is beyond any laws. It’s your safety first!!!

Even when it’s written in the law that the zebra cross is yours, you shouldn’t just blindly cross the road. You still have to look at the cars speeding, whether or not the drivers will recognize “your name” on the zebra. I saw it how these pedestrians use the zebra. They assume all the cars will stop and give way to them. They are very wrong. The cars with the reckless drivers inside them, won’t let anything delay them. Unless the white crocodiles are watching at the side of the road, they might as well think that Not Even A Stupid Zebra can slow them down. And you have to take into account the “carelessness” of simply being a human beings with juggled chores. The drivers might be on the phone, busy tuning the radio or got his glasses wrecked just before he enters the car – YOU NAME IT! Consider these possibilities that the drivers might not be reckless, but they have their own situation to overlook that “there’s someone is crossing the zebra” or worse still, “Ouch, is there a zebra cross right there?”

That’s why it always pissed me off when people are talking about the law when they could get themselves in a life-threatening situation just because they assume the law is on their side. Life is more important!! Nobody says that hitting the road divider is right by law, but if that’s what you have to do to survive and safe yourself from a getting hit by “a mad cow” got suddenly get crazy on the road, THEN HIT IT!!! When it comes down to the question of life and death, you have to use your eyes, use your judgment… cos I don’t think the law will appreciate you “blaming the other person” when you’re already “at the other world” – if you know what I mean. Life is MORE IMPORTANT than anything else when you’re on the road. And yes, YOU DON’T HAVE TO TAKE another life just because you’re just too ignorant of the law.

As much as I say that Your Life is your number one priority when you are on the road, that’s how much you should NOT sacrifice another life by your carelessness. These people have unlived dreams too, like you and me. Don’t go and give yourself a chance to ruin all the dreams and hopes built around them. There’s something you can do about it, of course!!! PLEASEEE!!!! BE CAREFUL WHEN YOU’RE ON THE ROAD!!!

Don’t make the human race regret to have invented motor vehicles in the first place!!!!

PLEASE PEOPLE~!! Do your part!!!

NOTE: I remember writing a very emotional essay on the topic – The Inventions That You Wish Have Never Been Invented – for my English for Science & Tech paper. My number one invention is motor vehicles. As ridiculous as it is, I just wonder how many lives could still be around without this invention. And guess what… I got an A for that subject. At least spare me some thought, I know what I’m writing about!!

It’s Never Too Late For Anything…

You guys sedar kah hidup kita ni akan sesat kalau terlampau dengar cakap orang? Whoaa…serious! Mulut orang ni betul2 tidak boleh pakai. Sorry to say. I mean, when it comes to being negative, memang mulut orang ni boleh menghancurkan dunia. Now that we have learnt so much from this life, what do you guys think?

If you become me, you know that I don’t spend my freaking time thinking about a lot of things just to agree with the rest. Not that I say I purposely want to think differently, NOPE. The thing is, most of the things are just not working. They are here to ruin us from moving forward!!

There’s a time frame for everything, according to what the popular and common belief people follow. Like, “according to them”…I should get married after graduation, “according to them” I should land a decent job by the age of 25, “according to them” a woman should give birth to the first child before 30, “according to them” if you don’t own your own house and car by 35, your life sucks.” I mean, you can continue with the list. That’s what the popular standard people have on how to define something to meet up the community expectation. If you are not following the trend, you’ll get funny stares and be the talkabout of the town. Ahh? That’s serious ka? *Lols.

Actually, I don’t read enough, I don’t listen enough, I don’t see enough, I don’t experience enough to know Everything. But from the all the “not enough” things I have done, at least I am very certain that all the “according to them” issues – DON’T WORK! These are ancient and outdated!! Seriously!! If you’re still wearing those stupid standards, well, “POOR YOU!!” – GET A FREAKING LIFE, start from now!!!

I might not know so much, but everytime I have the chance to listen and know about other people who BEAT THE ODDS, I usually treasure that moment. When I watch someone speaks on Oprah about how “she feels the best in her life when after reaching 50” – I usually remember. And mind you, the person might not have all the definition of what the description of “according to them” has. They make their own definition and surprisingly, they just ignore “the popular standard” and start a new benchmark, and most importantly, a proven one!!

I remember my sister giving comments about some of the people that I know. She recently found one of my seniors who is still striving to land a job. The lady does everything she could to survive this challenging life. She went to private college on PTPTN loan after a few years working at a supermarket, and now after she has graduated, things don’t unfold very well for her because she still fails to land the job and my sister’s department even is she has an insider to help her out. A lot of my senior her age are already achievers in their own fields, and to make things worse, even her juniors are enjoying much better life than her. Life sucks for her, at least in my sister’s eyes. She keeps saying, “These people might be a product of the best school, but still that doesn’t determine their future. Look at your senior.” Then just now, another guy, who is my colleague back in college, just landed a job at her department and she said, “He’s married for years and only landed a job now? That’s very pity.” You see, listening to comments like that won’t help much. Yes, it’s sound quite late for them to achieve something that most people achieve much earlier in life… SO?? SO WHAT???

I told my sister, That’s not how you define success. It doesn’t matter if it’s late or early, what matters is he’s there now. You can’t really go and compare people like that. I can assure my sister something. These people’s lives might look like nothing but disadvantages, but I can assure her that at least there’s ONE THING about their lives that is better than my sister’s or anybody’s, who want to compare. I am sure!! And I don’t have to find out what that is. That’s what I always believe. I believe about the theory of balance. I believe that there’s NO WAY you can know about someone’s life so much to DECIDE that their life is a failure. As long as they are still alive, tomorrow is another day. Tomorrow holds a lot of secrets.

I don’t believe in SPEED, my dear friends. Read my older post with the title, “IS THE RACE IN LIFE ALL ABOUT SPEED?” It’s one of the best articles that I have written that says it all about how I perceive this. It can be a motivation to a lot of people out there who are late developers. To hell with speeds. Unless you are sure you are going to die tomorrow, then maybe you can spend your whole nite crying over the things that you have not achieved. But life is made so beautifully that you don’t know when it’s gonna end, so it’s unfair when you see the end of your life when you’re still alive and kicking. That’s how I see it. There’s no other way to see and do it better. Hope and strive for something better is a need, and do it as if you gonna live forever. Do you have a better choice, my dear friends? Nobody purposely want it to be late, but you have to accept your own progression. There’s a reason for everything. What matters is, you move forward and be someone better. That’s seriously the most important thing. Be Someone Better. Why should I compare my life with the already successful people? They are successful, I’m happy for them, but that doesn’t mean I should grieve about my own life. They might have won some awards for many things, and I only have my little blog, but if this blog means to me as much as the awards mean to them, can you say I’m wrong? No you can’t, because it’s me who is feeling the joy. You have no freaking idea to define how much happiness I have or how meaningful my life is. Your life and mine are two different things. We might have different time for everything but we are both doing all we can to make our lives better everyday. That’s all that matters. We run in our own personal and individual track, okay? It’s not a freaking RACE!! I’m not racing with anyone here, understand?

So my friends…it’s never too late for everything. If you think it’s silly to achieve things a bit latter in life, but wait until you hear someone who comes to you and said “his life sucks because he’s going for the speed earlier in his life.” If only he took his time, he could settle for the best, but now he’s settled with the second best. I will talk about this man in my next post. So…if there something you get from this post, I hope it’s all the good things. :) Good luck!

Will Your Guy Share The Power With You?

Seducing Mr Perfect is the title of a Korean Movie that I watched last nite. This movie has the attraction to glue me to the couch. I changed my plan to write a post to my blog and watched this movie instead. Even though the ending kinda sucks, at least I get something valuable from it.

The lead actor (Mr Perfect) told the lady why she got dumped by her boyfriends. He found out that the lady failed in the game because she did not follow the rule. The rule of this game is Manipulation of Emotions and the lady did and gave too much for her guy without getting back the same. So she lost the power in the relationship and that made the guys dumped her. Reasons? SELF RESPECT. Wow, isn’t that something? I mean, he was right about it. At least, watching the movie made me realize that Self Respect is very important for us ladies. We can’t show that we are always on his service and follow what he wants. I mean, we will lose the game if he’s taking too much control on the relationship. We must spare ourselves something. Although it’s not always the problem why our guy would dump us but in case that is the reason, we should do something about it. It doesn’t matter if this is about relationship or not, but first we MUST have self respect. I define self respect by DIGNITY. You can’t pamper your guy too much, he’ll get tired and bored of it.

The lady said that That’s what she does when she falls in love. She starts to get weak and do everything for the man. I understand what she was saying. She was right. I know how it feels when you love a guy so much, you think of nothing but him, like every second for 24 hours and you become very fragile emotionally. Damn, it’s tiring. I said about this in my post “Cinta, Wah Penatnya.” Our common mistake could be the same with the lady in the movie. We tend to give everything we could. It’s too much that our guy starts to feel sick and stops to appreciate us – and then find a new thrill in a new lady. It all makes sense, right.

So how to do it the right way? Keep the guy excited so that he always have something to wait for. You can’t give him everything that easily, or you’ll lose the power. This is very true. Making him earn what he wants from you could do the trick. Don’t just give willingly. Even if I’m his girlfriend, the power over myself still belongs to me. I can decide if I don’t want him to hug or kiss me, or hold my hands. Maybe guys like it when his girl listen to everything he says, but actually he appreciates it even more if you have a mind of your own and know what you want. But wait, one stupid thing could happen to us ladies. We could be all that tough and exciting at the early stage, but then when our heart starts to melt, we gradually lose it. We tend to listen to him and we stop listening to ourselves anymore. We thought our guy loved it, and he thought he loved it too – but when the tingle suddenly gone, feelings start to fade – then you know – Maybe the guy doesn’t like “THAT MUCH POWER” too. Maybe he wants you to share the power so that the relationship will remain exciting.

In case you ask, yes I have experienced losing grip of my power in a relationship. My strong points that made my guy loved me in the first place were weakening subconsciously. Maybe the lady in the movie said it right. Sometimes we ladies get weak when we fall in love. Honestly, I hate it why it has to be that way. Now I understand why it’s so hard for some people to fall in love, maybe because they know that it will go out of hand if the love is taking over. I hate to be weak like that. I hate it when whatever that comes out from my man’s mouth affect my whole mood and emotions. I hate it! I hate it seriously!!! *Lols.

Ladies, falling in love is so much fun but we must be truly ready to play our part. Learn from our past mistakes. I mean, why do we have to choose, right? We sure can have both. I mean, I HOPE we can have both. *giggles. So you men, Thumbs Up for power sharing, Ok? Hehehehehe

:P

Note: I don’t give you a choice. It’s a statement actually. *Lols.

Do I Have To Be Superwoman To Save The Day?

The Answer is NO!!

Lets take a break from all the sins and crimes and evils and whatever you call it. I want to promote to you guys one good thing that we can do within our capacity as a small and humble human being. 

I think about this matter long before and now I’m ready to write about it. It’s becoming very clear to me now. 

You guys recall one time when you get yourself into and argument with someone. Think of one moment. Maybe you got mad at the office boy who delivered the letter late. Or you screamed at the coffee boy who spilled the coffee on your shirt. Just think of one incident when people stepped on your tail and you just burst in anger. Ahaa…get one now? 

IMAGINE… in that same situation, if only you had not reacted that way, what could have happened? The office boy might not go out from your office with very saddened and bad feelings, and the coffee boy won’t receive a insulting remark from his superior and maybe risk his job. You see that now? If only you had reacted the opposite, YOU ACTUALLY SAVE A SOUL from a bad day. 

Aha, another best example. My newest haircut. You guys know I love my long and thick hair. I needed a haircut because it was turning dull to me. So I only needed it to be styled so it could look lively again. The experienced hairstylist tried to tell me, If she cut only little pieces here and there, it won’t be much of a difference. She could be right. I paid a good price for the service, the hairstyle must come out to worth the charge. But I kept saying that I want my hair to still be thick and long. So when she was done, my hair was totally different. I lost that long thick hair to a shorter stylish one. It isn’t a bad haircut at all, but it was a big painful to lose that much hair. People were starting to recognise me for my hair, and then I just lost that “signature” in a short visit to a saloon. Considering that I repeatedly told the lady that “I still want my hair to be thick and long,” But she actually went beyond that request. So after she was done, I looked at my hair, I had the reason to be upset because the long hair was gone, but then I got a new style. The lady looked so worried that I got upset that she cut so much. I saw her face from the mirror. I know she’s a senior hairstylist and she knew what she was doing. My most predictable reaction was – “I’ve told you to not cut too much, right? Look at what you have done to my hair! I’ve told you I want my hair to still be long and thick, right?” Ahaaa…If I were to say something, I would say that. But instead, I told her, “I like it.” and forget about the pieces of hair that was gone. She made the effort, and I saw it that she really worked into it so… “I WON’T SPOIL HER DAY” by telling her, you cut so much of my hair!!! I even smiled to her to say that I was satisfied with her work and left. I know she was worried because she could notice that I’m one fussy customer. To finally get a reaction like that was really a relief. I actually saved her from a bad day. 

Actually, I did it many times already. I remember a few kids were playing at the front of my workplace and they mistakenly kicked something that hit my window glass and broke it into pieces. The kids ran in fear. But because I was busy talking to my customers, I just let that happened. Someone helped me to the get phone number of the parents of the kid who caused that so I could ask for compensation. I said, Thanks to the person but then I threw the phone number away. I said, “It’s okay. I won’t make anybody’s day worse because of a broken windowpane.” They were so surprised that I was cool with that. They knew that 256 is anything but a laid back person. Hahahahahaahhahaha. So you know, it takes a great compassion to be able to react that way just so we could all keep the peaceful atmosphere. 

You and I could do many things like that in the future. Save someone from trouble, save someone from tears --- yes, it could be as simple as having a little compassion inside you. You guys know that I can be very vocal and grumpy, but I managed to pull it off so that I could save people from getting a bad day. Everytime I do it, it feels good inside. I know that it’s not always me and me that needs to get listened. People make mistakes and they do deserve the chance to learn from them without a bitter experience. The better reason is, whenever I make someone’s day bad, I also have a bad day. So you know, if you have to be selfish even in this matter, yes, saving someone from a bad day also means that you are saving yourself from a bad day. So if we can avoid anger outburst, heated arguments, then let’s avoid them. A little compassion goes a long way :)

Again, do I need to have superpower of a Superwoman to save the day? I definitely don’t. And same goes with you. So, are we ready to save the day today? *grinz.

The One With The Toughest Heart

Tough Heart is the English term I use for Keras Hati. If there’s a competition to see whose heart is the toughest, who will win? *grinz.

Keras hati is one of my distinct characters. I am a very Keras Hati punya orang. It’s just so perfect to describe me. But it’s only in certain situations. I don’t PICK to be Keras Hati. It’s in my blood.

If you argue with me, giving me a hard time just because of your silly attitude, I will not fight back like idiots. I will get rid of you. You betray me once, I will eliminate you from my life forever. That’s what I do. This is how I always react from before. I don’t want to create enemies but if some people are toxic, I will not war with them, instead, I will erase their names forever. And if you embarrass me for any reason, and you cause me shame, you will join the league. And how my Keras Hati is doing its job here? That decision is final. I have done it for a few times already so I know I pass the test that, Yes 256, you’re irritatingly keras hati.

Back in college, this friend of mine was so well-known for being a biggest loose-canon. Whatever comes out from her mouth always hurt other people. She never got a taste to deal with me but she always caught my other friends with her mouth. But eventually, she got into an event of small misunderstanding – she accused me of something – which was a very small thing, very very small thing. It was almost a joke. But maybe because it was timely for someone to get back to her face for using her mouth for the wrong purpose, so I just give back the most irritating attitude. She said “Sorry” to me many times, but because I was a Keras hati punya orang, I hate to give my forgiveness that easily. You have to earn it and learn your lesson never to simply say anything with your stupid mouth. So, because I was so keras hati, then she declared “war” with me. She thought that after accusing someone, and turned in into a joke, and then said sorry – she thought that she did the right thing. N.O. I had enough with her mouth. She had been annoying my other friends since day one, so she gonna get the lesson from me. So she declared war with me because I did not want to forgive her. To hell with forgiveness that comes in the mouth only. You are NOT gonna get it from me. She wanted me to say, “Okay, I forgive you.” But I never did. So she pulled a long face – demonstrating her dissatisfaction. FINE, YOU THINK I CARE? Hahahahaahahahahahaha.

I bet she thought, “256 must come to be and say sorry when we are not even talking like before.” She was wrong. You guys imagine…being in the same room and class with me, bumping shoulders once in a while, but I never turned my face on her. Who was the first one giving attitudes, again? She thought she wanted to declare war with me right? Ahaa…watch before you step. You started the fire and pretended you were not there. Excuseeee mee!!! Yes, people would call her a very keras hati punya orang, because it shows. People could see it that she was kinda tough. Just because 256 was a bit of a laugher, and softer, she thought she could easily beat me down in that. I might be soft and sweet to some of my friends, but that’s not all.

And guess what? It went on for months, until we moved to the second year and I was still “that tough”. She got TIRED of it!!!! Hahahahahahahahahahahaha. So finally she did a few efforts to clear the air with me and yes…It worked. Actually, there is an antidote for my Keras Hati but I won’t reveal it. If you know this antidote, you can overpower me. *giggles. So, she hit it right and yeah…she got me. I finally talked to her again. But should she prolong it for years… BRING IT TO ME!! And one more, she never gets The Sorry she asked for, until now. Hehehehe

I’ve been in little arguments with my other friends too, and most of them didn’t wait that long. They knew they were guilty so they made some effort to make up, like sending me orange with some drawing on it and some funny words to tickle me. They got me. I could not hold my laughter. So, it’s just lucky that these friends made the effort. If you try to beat me in Whose Heart Is The Toughest, I won’t say I’ll win, but most definitely I will.

Actually, let me share with you. Being someone with a tough heart is not fun. I have reasons for that. It’s how I shield myself from the toxic people. I must have something to protect myself. If people do wrong to me, I must not just swallow. Letting people throw attitudes at me and sponge them in would only make me a weaker person. Mind you, sometimes arguments caused by me. That one this different. I will say sorry to you, do whatever so that you can forgive me. So I don’t use my tough heart in the wrong place. If I’m guilty, I will admit it right away.

Tough Heart – is a shield to protect myself. Yup, I say it again. In the current time, I also use it to avoid people from taking advantage of me. You have no freaking idea how much I do just to protect myself. If I can’t even protect myself, how can I be that strong to make my friends and family feel protected and secured with my presence? I am already a naturally weak person. If I don’t have a strong character, I will not have a weapon to face this challenging life. The weak will fall.

I will admit anyway that I hurt some hearts because of this attitude. For goodness sake, I want to stop hurting people with it. I’m still curious if there’s really someone who could tame this side of me. He MUST be tougher than me. *grinz. Ok, we are done with this topic. Case closed. *Lols

Muahsss everyone!

To Be The Second Best...

What do you feel when you find out that you’re only the second choice to your lover/spouse now? I mean, if he could pick the best, he would want someone else to be in your place. But since that he couldn’t get the first choice, he settles for the second choice, and that’s you. Ouch!!! What do you say?

Looking at the negative side of this, it’s bad enough to be Anything but the number 1. I remember my cousin, who was raised in the village. The schools in the small villages are usually backward and insufficient in all aspects, including the number of students. If I get number 1 in my class, I could be proud because I have another 40-50 students below me. I remember that when my uncle asked this cousin of mine, “Dapat nombor berapa exam kali ni?” She answered, “Number 2.” But then my uncle would continue, “Yes, you get number 2, but there’s only 2 students in the class. That still means you’re the last.”

(Hahahaahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahaha)

Okay, that’s just a little joke but it was true story. Taking that as an example, you understand now that it could sound “not so bad” to get Number 2, cos that’s 1st runner man! But if there’s only two persons there, you are actually The Last, and could be “The reject”!! Ouch!! That hurts!!

I remember meeting back one of my ex-boyfs a few years ago, after separating for quite a while. I remember that it was not a really good “goodbye” – he was actually mad at me because he thought I was changed. After we finally get to speak back, we spoke of what happened, and he said he was so hurt and depressed when he lost me without words. He actually BURNT all my pictures and others. *Lols. Then I have the guts to ask, “What? You actually burnt all my pictures?” He said, “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking straight. I was deeply hurt.” Okay, I know it wasn’t easy for him and it was my fault. But luckily, he was through that ordeal. Now he’s with a new girl, I’m so happy for him. His new girl has my resemblance actually. Her body, her hair, her smile – like she and I belong to the same category. I couldn’t help but ask him, “Do you pick this girl because she reminds you of me?” Yeah, it was a selfish question to ask because the girl should have her own advantages of winning my ex’s heart. But I was just teasing my ex “to test” him. *Lols. He never answers me. It could be a very sensitive question, right? I said Hi to the new girlfriend and she sounds very smart and nice. I had the evil mind of asking her some questions to find out if my ex treats her as good as he used to treat me? You guys know why I wanted to know? Because whether or not I have anything to gain from this, I still want to know if “I am the number 1” (*Lols). You nastyyy nastyyy 256. Hahahahaahahahaha. Even if I get nothing from all that, it’s still a good feeling to know that I am always number one for him. *giggles. Above all that, that’s just the pleasure to know that I could actually still be his number one even if he’s seeing the number 2 now.

Hey, you guys know what? This is all silly. WHO CARES if you’re number 1 or number 2. Taking my ex as an example, let’s say he still thinks I’m the number one pick for him, but it doesn’t make a freaking difference. He could not make it with me. If he could, we won’t be separated for the weakest reason. He might like the feeling and treasure the memories he has with me, but in reality, the number 2 is the one within his reach. The number 2 is giving him less problems and pressures, and his life is better because he settles with the second best. So which one matters?

But the insecurity for being the second best is that, you feel like you could lose him anytime IF the number one is within his reach. I don’t know what the new girl feels about her boyfriend meeting the first gf back – but in our case, she has the security because she’s closer to him in distance. So if you find yourself in this situation, don’t make things worse. Let them be lah. To hell with being the best or the second best. If it’s not working out, it’s not working out. But I can understand the dilemma of being the second best. Especially when your lover is not over and done with his first choice yet. It would be very difficult to handle it if you take this that seriously. Just because you’re only the second best, don’t make your relationship only the second best to what you could ever make it be.

Anyway, if we have the choice, all of us don’t want to be the second best. But what if we already find ourselves as the second best? Lets do this. Hey, isn’t second is that close to first? Isn’t that sound pretty easy to take over the top place? Yeah, remember you’re second, and not third, fourth or fifth, so you’re actually the BEST to replace the number one so…*Grinz… You know what to do… (*Evil grinz)

Hahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

Happy Sunday all!!

"Easier Said Than Done": My View

Thanks to Ezra for asking my opinion and for warning me not to answer it in the comment box. *Lols.

What this life does is throwing at us EVERYTHING it has. All the goods and bads. It’s like balls threw at you. You can choose which to catch and let the rest go. Being lack in knowledge is not an issue, my dear friend. Do you agree if I say that almost all the misconducts that we are doing are totally within our consciousness? We are totally aware of almost all the mistakes to learn new things everyday. We are big enough to tell right from wrong. Then why we are still doing it? That’s your question, right?.

Before that, let’s remind ourselves of The Curse of the human race..

We Are Human Beings. We have animal desires and our human nature will follow the demand of the meat even if we have to lose our good name and reputation and ways of righteousness. .

And then, still we are so smart to backup our misconducts with….

“Hey we are not angels, We have needs, okay?” And with that excuse, we can just go ahead and break the freaking rules. “We can always repent once we feel enough of all this, right?” Aha, this is another line that is going to make you sleep well in sins. *Lols. .

This is just the common knowledge in what we do daily. We all make something wrong everyday. And most of the time, we are totally aware of it. If you are blessed with a little bit more senses, and the ability to express yourself in writing, you will become like me. I can preach what I like here, with the common knowledge of what's right what's wrong. But yes friend, this doesn't make me an angel either. I do agree with you that it's always so easy to say or write something, advice people something good, when I myself might not be that capable of doing what I preach. Yes, that's very predictable. But that’s not the freaking verdict yet. .

But one thing I can assure you, my readers. Even with the curse of being a human being, we are given the most powerful power that, If you don’t do it, you won’t be doing it. Yes, the power to make decision and do according to what we decide. Life can throw at you anything, man. I have done my little research in this matter too. I have a friend who initially, the most innocent girl than I could ever be, and then after a few years, she could find herself sleeping beside an unknown man after a alcohol party at a local niteclub. You thought she was there by accident and bad luck? It was one decision that she made before she could even end up there. As a result, she was feeling totally stupid and she almost felt like committing suicide. See? This is a consequence of when she decides to give in to alcohol and go out late in a place like that, drinking with some unknown strangers. You see that? .

Yes, we make mistakes. That’s another thing. And yet another thing is, how do you react towards the pieces life is throwing at you? If I want to be bad, I sure can. How many times do you say No to bad influences, that’s as much time you actually have the chance to become bad. As what you ask, Why people still do it though they know it’s wrong? You answer that for yourself cos you know better, man :). Some people do bad things FOR FUN, and some do it because they are just mean and bad, and the rest, they just want to live and experience life the best they know how. .

And as for me, yes, it’s easier to say and write, but what about doing it, right? Okay, should I give in to temptations in the future, all I can say is that, I have a clear conscience about how to live life. At least I always cling to it. But temptations will come to me one by one, and who knows what the future brings, right? The best I can do is be wise in making my decisions – because everything will come from a single decision. If I still do something wrong, let me be totally aware of the consequences and should be brave enough to face it. Cos that’s life all about. It’s A BATTLE. Your Life is your responsibility. Life is all about choices and making the best decision. .

You want to be bad? Be Good? The good news is, it’s all up to you. You have everything to gain and lose from your own deeds. We can’t be the jury, my friend. The most I can do is promote what I feel right since that I have this blog now. No matter what we do, do it in pride. Berani jadi jahat, berani tanggung “hukuman” kerana kejahatan tu. And if you really want to get rid of bad karma, terpaksa berkorban untuk jadi baik – lepaskan byk kenikmatan dunia, so you know…everything has the price to pay :)

Cerewet Sikit?

Haha…this is just a little story to share. Ada this customer ba…punyalah bikin sakit jiwa. Like she said all the wrong words ba. You guys imagine la…contohnya mcm ni. Example la sia pegi ambil ni benda penat2 ba dari bawah. And then bila sampai di atas, dia cakap, “Oh sorry, bukan yg itu.” Then sia cakap, “Then mana satu?” Dia cakap, “Emm…mana sudah tu ahh. Sia pun nda sure.” Punyalah sakit jiwa sia dengar org cakap mcm tu. Then sia main hantam2 ja la teka. “Sia rasa mesti you mean yg this one kan?” Then she said, “Yeah, that’s the one.” So sia sudah kasi balik tu benda yang dia reject dan ambil yg dia mau. So that one ok sudah lah. Then she said, “But I want another one.” Then I said, “Oh okay. Which one?” Balik2 dia describe, “Yang tadi punya tu.” So sia ni pun heran la. Until she said, “Yang mula2 tadi tu.” – Iaitu benda pertama yang dia actually reject. So hanya kerana dia punya gaya mcm tu, ertinya sia kena ulang alik buang masa sia hanya kerana dia punya “absent-mindedness” tu. Then bila dia nampak sia a bit pissed, dia cakap mcm ni…

“Alaaa, sorry la ahh…sia ni memang macam ni… CEREWET SIKIT.”

Then dekat sia mau tercekik ba dengar dia cakap Cerewet Sikit. *Lols. Bukan sebab sia rasa dia tu actually “cerewet banyak” tapi word cerewet tu is NOT even the best word to describe her ba. Sudah la sia pissed, dia cakap lagi word inda tentu2 yang bertambah buat sia sakit jiwa. *Lols.

You guys know apa sia cakap dalam hati? “Itu namanya bukan CEREWET, itu namanya lambat pikap slow gila wogok, you know you want something but you don’t even know what you want. Aiyooooo…gila la sia kalau jumpa hari2 sama org mcm tu.”

Hahahaahahahahahaha. Just entertaining that nagging side of me. I can’t help it guys. Especially when you mention the word “Cerewet”, sebab all my life, itu word memang selalu kena guna untuk describe me. Sia sendiri rasa sia ni cerewet dan cerewet ni kadang2 membuat sia rasa sesak nafas. Hahahahaahahahahahahahahaha. One thing for sure, I never let the new people know yang sia ni cerewet. Sedar nda sedar, dorang tau sendiri pasal tu. That obvious ka? Hahahaha. The thing is, you’ll be surprised yang bukan semua perkara sia cerewet. Kadang2 sia pun main hantam saja ( iaitu macam kamu jua ba…Hahahaahahahahah /me capat2 tapuk) *Lols.

Happy Saturday everyone! Welcome to the month of August!

"The Price To Pay"

Yesterday, in the middle of working, I received an sms which says

“My mom came all the way from kampung and come to my workplace, and she SLAPPED my face in front of everyone. It hurt very badly.”

It was from a lady friend. I have mentioned about this girl a number of time in my blog.

I was quite shocked. She got my attention immediately. I replied.

“What??? Omigawd, that sounds very bad. What happened?”

She replied,

“I went out with A last nite and I slept at their house. So I did not come back to my place last nite. Maybe it was my sister who told my mom.”

Then it all made sense.

A single lady sleeping at a single’s (and engaged) man. What do you expect?

It was not the first time she stayed at the guy’s rented house. It always happens because when they come back from watching late nite movies, it was already too late for her to come back to her own place for safety sake. She feels safer if she just stays overnite at the guy’s house (only if his housemate is not around) because she can use the housemate’s room. That’s what I’M TOLD for all the time. I always believe her because if she tell lies to me, it was NOT my body who is on the line. It was hers. I made to believe that they might be very close, but they never go “there” yet.

This girl siblings have the reputation of "committing the offense", from the elder sister who got pregnant before marriage, and then the youngest sister who is staying together with the boyfriend. She is the only one left with the unruined reputation. They trust in her that she can take care of her youngest sister when they both decided to go to work at town. But what she does it she's covering for her youngest sister's pre-marital encounter, with the condition that she also covers for her.

So, being the place where the girl always come to, to share about her life updates, then suddenly I feel quite bad when things start to turn the table on her. Now that her parents know that she has “fishy nite activities”, suddenly I feel like I’m the partner in crime, because I never tell her directly that she’s doing something “not quite right”. Even if she doesn’t do anything “like what you guys think” with the guy, it’s just not nice to stay in one house, alone with a guy. If I were in her shoes, I know what would I be thinking. I would be thinking about my parents at home. What would happen to my parents if something happens to me just because I decide to stay overnite at a guyfriend’s home? Or maybe, let’s not drag the parents in. Even trying to be selfish enough, how about my own good name and reputation?

As a friend who knows everything from the start, receiving the news of “she got the slap of a lifetime from her own mom in front of her workmates” suddenly I felt like I have FAILED my duty as a friend. I always give myself the excuse not to advice her because I think she’s very smart for a girl her age – but maybe because she’s so smart, she has a way of making “wrong things – right”. Maybe because I KNOW the feeling when I try to share with someone about something, and then the person use the chance to lecture me back. That’s why I never use the chance to advice her. In the other hand, I also believe that EVERYONE actually makes stupid mistake that gonna teach us big time lessons. I’m just letting things taking their toll on her because eventually she gonna learn to step on her toes back – that maybe Good things don’t last, but Bad things are not gonna survive that long either.

Something that I learn from her story is…sometimes we just got dragged in doing something fun although we know it’s wrong. We know that one day this thing is going to go up to the surface, but rather not think about it because the moments at hand are more important. And we also keep our fingers crossed that “this moment could last” without disturbance. Actually, my friend is NOT that unfortunate. She’s giving herself too much approval she doesn’t deserve. IF ONLY she managed to balance it out with a little bit of brain, she could not go that far in breaking the rules. YOU CAN’T HAVE IT ALL. You want to get some fun, give away a little, if that’s what you need to be able to enjoy it longer. So? That Slap is a price that she paid for what she did. And it’s not just a freaking slap, it’s a SLAP of “a lost of trust” from her own mom.

NOTE: Yes I know that I sound like putting all the blame on the lady alone. This is because I believe, in a situation involving one lady and one guy, many things can be avoided if the lady knows how to speak for herself. I don’t have to remind you again that guys won’t have the time to think for yourself because their manly needs always are more important to them than you are.