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Friday, January 14, 2011

Did I Just Betray A Friend?



I know this one senior friend 2 years ago. She always failed to tell the truth. The first lie that she told me was about her personal life. When I heard that people badmouthed about her, I backed her up and told them that “I knew better” since that I got the info from her mouth and not from others. Unfortunately, later I found out that people were right and I was wrong. I felt so fooled because the first secret she trusted me with, was all a lie. For that, she has lost my trust. The thing is, I reserve my opinion of her since that I don’t want to make enemies. She always comes to me to share things, asking for my opinion and all the stuff that she doesn’t do to others. I give my share of mind just like I do to all my friends who like to come to me for views.

I have another senior friend, who is also a friend to the other lady. They are both rivals in business. They both have dissatisfaction towards one another but on the surface, they are friends. Both like to come to me to share their problems.

Recently, the first lady (the one who lies a lot) came to me and told me her plan, which she asked me “to keep it as secret” because she wasn’t ready to tell other people about her drastic decision. I nodded and understood. Judging from the lies that she told me in the past, I learnt my lesson. So the “secret” that she told me recently could be just another lie. So when the other lady came to me for a chat, I actually told a little bit of that secret to her, after considering that it might not affect the first lady in a bad way. I was just expressing my disappointment that I have a friend who likes to tell lies and I can’t even tell the difference when she finally speaks the truth. In a way, I felt a little guilt inside me, even if the secret has no values (cos maybe it’s just another lie from her). Yes, but I did feel guilty.

Earlier today, the first lady came again to me and ask for a serious opinion on her decision once again. I found out that she was actually telling the truth about the secret. After listening to her situation, I told her the concerns involved that she should take into account before she finalizes that decision. I told her that she might make the wrong decision and the risks are just too high. Using my advantage, I could help her with my opinions because I have the same experience in the past and managed to handle my situation well. She listened to every word and I actually managed to make her change her decision in just less than one hour after I presented her the pros and cons of her situation. She felt so grateful and told me, “You are the only person that I can come to and give me something useful. I can tell you anything and trust you with secrets. Other people might just spread the story around and they just can’t keep secret. If I come to them they just accept my decision and ask me to follow my guts. But you are different. You have strong points and you don’t just go ahead and let me make a decision that you know could be wrong. I am so thankful to know you.” I paused for a while because I was startled that she actually found my advice useful. She reached out her hand and shook hands with me showing how she appreciated our little counseling session. I felt so guilty inside. So so guilty.

This is about us and our weaknesses. Just because she has been telling lies in the past, I could not punish her the dirty way by treating her secrets as just another lie. Even if the secrets mean nothing to others, but it’s about my integrity and how trustworthy I am. My whole life, people have trusted me so much with their secrets. Even the most embarrassing ones. I didn’t get to know if all of them were telling me the truth or just made up stories to make the conversation interesting. I feel bad inside because I could feel that she really appreciates my help. I felt quite bad inside because I think I have betrayed her. I seldom do this to my friends. I think that I have punished her without her knowing.

Then I come to my senses…

No matter if it’s a lie or not, I should not care as long as people present it to me as a secret. I should not care about anything else because it’s not my business. I must quit to be a private investigator because I must be realistic that I can’t put everything under my control. I save myself from the trouble by respecting my friends and not be the judge of who they are to the rest of the world. What matters if their friendship with me, they trust me and they appreciate me. Everytime a friend tells me that I help them so much, I feel so good inside. I realize that I am many levels down without my friends telling me how much benefit I bring to their life just by using my advantages and knowledge in the right way. This is one value that I have as a human being. By betraying a friend could make me feel like I lost it in a disgraceful way. This is another test of integrity. It’s not about what they ask me to keep, but it’s about how good I keep it. If I betray a friend like this again, I won’t look myself the same way again. I will never repeat this kind of guilt again.

How good of a person I can be when I can’t even be a reliable friend? :)

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