Something Better Than Religion, Anyone?

Before this, I always thought that God lives at the Church. I was given the idea of why we must go to church every Sunday. "To Meet God". That's why, when I missed going to church, the next time I entered it, I said to God, "God, it's nice to see you again!"

But as I get older, I no longer just listen and accept. I want to have the kind of faith from understanding. I want it to be genuine and not just out of fear of other humans who make the rules. Well guys, in the world where religion is the reason why people fight, I want to understand do we have something better than religion? 

What if there's no religion, guys? I hate to see how people fight and kill because of it. We can say that religions teach about good things, that we can't blame religion when their members turn into extremism and hurt people from different religion and use God's name to justify their doing? Is it enough? Look deep inside of you, don't you judge one another because of their difference in faith? Maybe you silently do. Maybe you do! Like, hey, you are dirty because of what you eat. Or do. That's because of religion too, right? We become some judgmental freaks because of our religion. 

Sometimes, I just sit at the church and ponder upon this matter. In these people's heart, they have the love for God. The other part of them, are they really doing this for God, or humans who make the religion? I guess they are wondering too. They just don't want to be judged by the other humans. They want to be seen fulfilling their Sunday routine. But how much does the church attendance actually intensifies their faith? Does the connection with God only happens at the church? These days, religions are not just about God. You know, right? It also involves politics, power, wealth etc. But of course, church is built with Godly intention. Do not think differently of the church. It's the most peaceful place to meditate. That I agree. This isn't against the church.

But God doesn't just present at the church...

I can feel His presence beside me, all the time. Especially when I pray every morning, I have the vision of me, kneeling in front of Him. It's Him. The one that some people think can only be found at the church. My private prayer can't be more sincere than that. I got no one see me. Just in the comfort of my own small space, that connection can take place. It's as real as can be. No distraction. Just you and Him. You speak, He listens.

So when I missed a week or two from my church session, the next time I came, I sat and just smiled when I saw the painting at the church's wall. I didn't say, God, it's nice to see you again! Because I've been seeing Him everyday. I feel that when I don't really stress on religion, I feel more at peace. I feel that I'm finally honest about my faith with God. If you come across this post and start to judge me, you could be an extremism to your religion, and don't forget that your religion IS NOT your God. Remember that religions have brought so much pain in this world because people want to prove they are better than they rest. Enough people, enough!!

Religions teach us that we are better than others, right? No, in the eyes of God, WE ARE EQUAL. Remember that.

A Wedding of Bread and Butter

 

Actually, there are a lot of moderate couples out there who would not mind having just a small ceremony to celebrate their wedding. Usually, their priority is the holy solemnization. It's more important to have it legal in the eyes of God, and everything else is number two. Especially in a much demanding world of today. Everything is expensive. Everything is trend. Everything is about who is better than who. You have to be really "unique" if you are not part of this.

Like this article we could find in Fb. About this couple who only served breads with butter to the wedding guests. It is said that they didn't want to get into debt, so they only spent what they could afford. Bread and Butter. If you ask the question, why can't I be like them? Can I ever be like them? Why should I spend so much when the life after marriage is more important than the ceremony? You should also consider how is the community the couple in the story belongs to. Cos definitely you will take that into your consideration if you have the same idea. It's easy to say that "I don't care what people say, I am the one who will bear all the problems, not them!"

I know a few people, who never even had a wedding ceremony. They only got their civil marriage (which is  sufficient to be authorized as legally married) and then they live their life like a normal married couple. I remember one of them wrote in her blog, she had people talking on her back about the marriage, but she didn't care. She was happy with her marriage and she was already pregnant that time. So, this kind of moderation exists in our community but they are not easy to find. If you ask me, is it possible, yes It Is. It depends on how much and how far you are willing to do it - for the purpose of fulfilling your marriage procedure.

If you ask my personal opinion, I'm sorry if I might upset you. Cos the reality in my community - not that I care that much about what people say, but My Parents do. YES. I figured out that our wedding ceremony is not actually "especially for the two of us who are getting married that day". It's especially for Our Parents. They are the one who receive and answer for us when we are not around. They are the one who deal with their friends and relatives anything about their children. So I find out that, no matter how independent you are to the demand of the society, if you understand that "This isn't really about you". It's from my observation, why parents would fork their own money for your ceremony is because they want to have it done as properly as possible. Anything less than that, even if they don't necessarily get bashed in front of their faces, but they would feel really bad as parents. So our wedding ceremony is one way for us to make them happy. It will make them feel like they have done a good job being our parents, or at least, don't make the lose face in front of their friends and relatives. My parents might not see how much I have and would do for them, but in this one matter, I definitely put them first. Cos we only get married once, right? Our parents would usually have a few items to check in their lifetime. 1. Raising you well 2. Get your religious obligation done (baptism etc) 3.Your Education 4. Your Job After Graduate 5. Your Wedding! After that, they consider that you can take care of your life from there. It's that important to them. 

So the question of - what if I can't afford it? Well, here's the challenge. You need to be really smart with your money. If you have little budget, you need to be Even smarter. Try to do things yourself. Don't rely too much on second party to handle things for you. Get hands-on to your wedding details. This might not be the option for everyone cos I know a lot of people who won't do these kind of things. It's alright if you have more budget but if you don't, just this one time, try to make your dream wedding within your budget. Somehow, I agree with the principle of not getting into debt, or if you have to, make it a manageable debt. Don't OverDo it cos it will be a waste. A small, intimate, nicely planned wedding, with the close friends and relatives - is enough as long as everyone will have a good time. All the best on your preparation! :)

 

There's Nothing In This World That I Own

It's such an inspiring thing told by a customer, who is in her 50s. She is definitely someone who knows what she's saying. She has 10 children and lost her loving husband to a sudden death. She becomes my customer shortly after that when she and her daughter had to find ways to earn money themselves. A few years later, I could see changes in her. Her life is slowly paying off. Her kids are most grown-ups and she can spend her time doing what she likes, instead of working hard like before. So as we were sharing about some failed relationships of the people we know, then she told me this magic advice.

"Actually, what makes breakup more painful is because we think we OWN the person. That the person is unrightfully taken from us, hence it's unjust and we become so deeply hurt. We refuse to let go because we think it's our right to cling to the person who belongs to us. The truth is, there's  nothing in this life that we actually own. Nothing at all. Anything and be taken from us anytime, and it's not our job to stop it or holding on to things that leaves us. We never own it in the first place. Whether we lose it to another person, or to death. Whichever, it's the fact that we should accept that despite all things that don't last, we own nothing of them."

If you ask me, Yes, I have no doubt that her understanding of life - that we never own anything - helps her go through the toughest times in her life. I see myself totally the opposite. Sometimes I hold on too tight to things that any slight changes can affect and hurt me. She really inspires me since that day.

Today, I am facing a problem that is quite tough. My heart is filled with anger towards the people who caused me this problem. I wanted to shout at them and say all the bad words so they know how mad I am. I'm starting to feel hurt again because the losses that I have to bear because of it. But then suddenly the words come to my mind. What makes me so mad? It's definitely materials. Do I own anything in this life? No, I don't. Everything I have now, is from God. He let me have these things for a while. If I'm so mad that I'm gonna lose money, even those money are not mine. It's God that allows money to reach my hand to use on my materials need. So what is there to worry? God can let money come to my hand and they are not even mine. I should use the money to do my responsibility, to settle matters and not for me to keep like they are mine. I mean, "it's the possessiveness" that makes me think that "It's mine, so you shouldn't have it" makes it really hard actually. So when I think about it that God owns all that, and He will supply my needs if I rely on Him, what is there to worry? I can pass all that I have just so things can run smoothly, so that other people will get what they deserve and I get to fulfill my purpose in the society. It makes me feel so calm. It's funny how when things are hard, we think of many words to say to God. Suddenly we have reason to say longer prayers. Maybe it's really why God gives us hardship once in a while, He wants us to speak more to Him. He loves us telling Him about stuff. He loves to help. He's just so loving, isn't He. Goodness, God, you are awesome. Thanks for giving me such a realization before I sink myself in pain. Thank You, sweet Jesus :)    

Before You Run Out Of Mercy...

I saw that a lot of people use Fb as a way to bring into public, their dissatisfaction towards certain people or individual. To them, this is the best way to let others know so that others can avoid it from happening to them, or just seeking for some "extra support" so they have a bunch of people bashing that person who has done them wrong. 

I can do that too if I want to. I have at least 2 such experiences before. I can simply make noise and bring their name up so others won't come to them; so that they won't get cheat more people. At least, the reason is strong enough considering the amount of money involved. But I saw that a lot of people, bring up some names that are not guilty enough to get that public embarrassment. If you buy nasi lemak and you think the sambal is too salty, do you think it's enough reason to bring that nasi lemak seller to be the next talk of the town? It's too much, right. Considering that you can anytime make small mistakes like that but the difference is, People Forgive You. 

A lot of people commit bigger crime out there and even that, sometimes you let them go because you know the world is round and what they give, they get back, and plus, sometimes you have to give them the benefit of the doubt, cos maybe you don't know the whole story, that they are actually innocent. You can be right, but what if you are wrong. Consider humanity if you are running out of mercy.

Stay On Top, Or Fall

I remember this line from drama I watched. That it's hard to be on top, cos all you can do is either you stay on top, or go down. Competitions are everywhere. It really depends on how much you can handle the possibility of...not being the best. Cos there is always someone who is better than you who will come along. People who keep getting better at a faster pace, they too, will eventually overtake you. So, can you handle this?

Well, I have my take on that. I've been a winner before, and then I also been a loser who fell flat on my face. I know that pain of losing victory, I know the pain of slowly becoming irrelevant, so if you ask me how am I gonna handle competitions in my life today? Should I lose, it's nothing new to me. I've learnt to live with just enough. I've learnt to be average. Cos it's not that bad, actually. Competitions are just about - how many approve that you are better than others. What will happen when nobody approves that you are doing well. Will your life turn upside down? No. Your life will remain that way, still as happy as you decide to live it.

Sometimes you just have to shake that "winner image" off your mind. Competition is good, yes, but if you hate losing, just do it like me. Keep your winner points with you no matter how good others are. 

You are equally good in your own way. I don't tell you this but this is The Fact. The rest of the world might not have to know that, as long as the few ones who know you well, do. So don't worry about competitions, just do your best and project yourself as the happiest human being in your own life. Trust me, that's all that matters :))

Sabah Quake 5.6.15 - A Tragedy, A Mystery

Today is 9th June. Just 4 days ago Sabah was hit by this medium earthquake that was traumatic enough for the Sabahans. As you guys know, we used to believe that our country was safe from all kinds of severe natural disasters. We never had to worry. Now all that became a history.

I still remember, on Friday morning, at 7.15, I was sitting at the sofa. My usual routine before going out from the house. Usually I used that time to say my morning prayer. All of a sudden I felt the sofa starting to shake, the kind of movement that I thought caused by some wild animal below the sofa, or maybe the sofa was breaking down before my eyes. It was so unthinkable. I got panic and I quickly stood up and went to the door nearby. I held on the grill for support, in case anything happened. I looked at the sofa and tried to examine why did it move. Then before I could do anything, I actually felt the ground moving too! Oh goodness! It was so fast and I could feel that I was "surrendering" anytime - in case something really massive was going to happen. A voice screaming in my head telling me that This Isn't Real. This never happened before and No, it was not happening. WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT!! If I could see myself in a cctv, I must have my eyes wide opened, in total shock. After it ended, I was breathing hard, relieved that it has ended before something worse happened. If you ask me, Yes that was very traumatic.With some news of hearing trumpet from the sky and some other signs of apocalypse, I almost thought, THAT'S IT! IT'S HAPPENING NOW!!

From there, every day feels really long. With all the news coming in about victims who perished, about the landmark might Mount Kinabalu that was in bad shape after the earthquake. In fact, all the victims are the ones who were at the mountain that time. We have lost some innocent lives, including the mountain guides who touched the hearts of Malaysians, after their contribution being acknowledged all over the world. They are indeed the real heroes on this tragedy. Barehandedly they went and save as many lives, and 4 of these heroes have fallen in their rescuing mission. I cried so hard watching and reading about their sacrifices. 

Plus, many of the native Sabahans believe that this tragedy was caused by some incident that happened days before that. A group of tourists did something really offensive when they decided to go naked on top of Mount Kinabalu, despite being warned by the guides. The Sabahans believe that Mount Kinabalu is a sacred place where all the souls rest. Our ancestors believe in this for centuries and we accept that as part of the legacy of our people. Many of you who have climbed this mountain, should know about some dos and don'ts when you are at the mountain. You cannot do or speak foul, do not take anything but photographs, do not leave anything but footprints. Ask around and hear for yourself that it's better off people obey the rules of this place. They believe that we might offend the souls or the keeper of the mountain, known as Aki Nabalu and something bad will happen. In the midst of building anger at what the tourists did, suddenly this earthquake took place. I know what most of you think, that there's no way these souls are higher than God. If you ask me, I rather not argue about this. I have this thing called #Respect. I have long accepted the fact that I am not that smart to be able to understand everything. What I don't know or don't understand, doesn't mean they don't exist.

For now, I pray that there's no more disaster like this. It's heartbreaking. I really thankful that I have God to rely on, or else I'd be like really lost in uncertainties. I'd feel hopeless about live cos I might be clueless about my direction if it's really the end of the world. As you can see the header of this blog, I have made it in remembrance of tragedy. We are still in mourning. Sabahans from all walks of life are grieving together with their loved ones. Especially for the deceased mountain guides namely Robby, Valerian, Ricky and Joseph, you guys have no idea how proud we are with you for putting others's lives before your own. Thank you for making others see the warriors in our people. Rest in peace in the eternal life that is promised by our Saviour. You guys will always live in our memory. Condolences to the climbers who did not survive the ordeal. We do not always understand why God permits something to happen but we just have to trust in His will.

Stay Strong, Sabahans.

Hello, I Am Imperfectionist, and You?

Of all the time I thought I was a perfectionist, it turns out that I am totally the opposite? Hahaha. Ask me how I find out! 

I saw that the world is getting more competitive everyday. People find competition in almost every aspect of life. A perfectionist should be part of that, right. Cos it should be easier to win when you have it all set at a good level. But apparently I have less desire to compete. Maybe I hate losing, but who doesn't? I guess there's something else. I just quit getting approval. Having a perfectionist mental but far from being perfect, is already a torture. Aging makes me realize more and more that - I want to happily be ME!

It's not possible if I keep competing. What if what's good for them is not what I want. What if I don't care if I'm prettier or sexier, or smarter. Then why should I try so hard? Competing means I am trying to be at someone's level, when I don't necessarily desire it. I have figured out what are the things that I want. At the same time, I will have to live with a few facts that I am always imperfect no matter how hard I try. Not everyone will like me, or accept me, no matter what I do, or no matter how good I can become.

Me and all my imperfections, what should I do with them? Should I beat them and get rid of them? Maybe I could do something about it. But it ain't free. It gonna cost me a lot of fun and comfort from my life and you tell me I'm doing it all for other people? No Way. That's why, I have decided to just be an Imperfectionist instead!!! I am gonna make peace with my imperfection, not because I can't improve, but I have decided, I will never gonna impress people, their way. I'm not gonna do what they like, not gonna dress how they want me to, I'm not gonna get their affection by some angelic acts that I never have to begin with!! 

You know what the fun part of this? I want to keep the fakers away. I don't want to conspire with the wrong people to manipulate virtues just to be in my life - just for me to find out that they are not worth it. I only want the right people to be here. The people who will accept me just this way, without me having to show my best yet. Call that some lessons I get from life. So have you decided something similar? Time to figure it out! :))

Does KARMA care?

Karma. We hear this word a little too often sometimes. Well, does the Bible mention anything about Karma? I don't think so. In fact, I first hear this word, related to Hindu. But this word has been accepted by others from different religion too, as a general word to refer to the cycle of - What goes around comes around - or What you give, you get back. 

In my case, it happened before that Karma happened on me immediately after I did something bad. Maybe it was coincidence but I just knew it was karma because what happened to me was kinda related to what I did. If I laughed at people for something that they wore, then I was laughed at shortly after that. Right away I knew that it was Karma. Or at least I thought so. I didn't know the word Karma was back then. I just knew that if I did something wrong, I must be punished. Sound a bit scary there.

What about now? After so many years living this life. Have I stopped believing? Nope. It's not the word, but it's the Cycle. Like it or not, I still prefer to believe it. Cos it is like a -police- that will fine me if I ever do bad. Does it mean that I never do anything bad now? Wrong. I still sin everyday, but At Least, I don't sin out of cruelty. If I make someone sad, it's not my intention. It's just my weakness that disallow me to become kinder or more polite just like what people expect. Who is the executor of Karma? Is it God? Probably right? But I always bear in mind that God has so much love for us, I rather say that it's the system that God creates to give us lesson so that we learn and be nicer. 

This year alone, I associate with people - who made me wonder if they know Karma. Do they hear anything about it, at least? Seriously, I doubt they do. Cos they wouldn't dare to do what they did - like running away with someone's money and never complete the deal. I did my best to - think positive - till the end. Till they completely destroyed the doubt and made sure that they actually did it fully consent and with intention. I still could not believe that anyone, who live to an adult age, can still act like that. Call me a child. I seriously can't believe. I officially have not seen much of the world, right?

Somehow, I move on and look ahead. I have a little concern. In fact, I'm kind worried that Karma gets to them in the way they have to deal twice the trouble they caused me. I'm afraid they couldn't handle it. I don't wish for anything bad to happen to these people, at the same time I also don't want them to think it's okay to do it. I only hope that God will send them some lesson, but may they not suffer - only learn. The question to ask is - Does Karma care what the victim thinks? What if Karma doesn't then it will continue to torture these people until they regret. 

Yes or no, can we please Not victimize people with the evil of our flesh? If it's so hard, at least think of KARMA. "Do not do to others what you do not others to do to you". Lets start fresh today. Lets clean the karma with good deeds. Lets clean the karma with making up for our mistakes. On the way, we surely make God happy. Amen to that. :))

Why Must I Fear?

Hello guys! I miss you guys too. Pardon me for being away from blogging for quite a while. I'm always around but I often missed the chance to blog. Here I am again!

The question is, Why Must I Fear? They say, Fear is the absence of Faith. But what about those who actually have faith, and know exactly what they believe, in one divine God, that is. So, does that mean these so-call faithfuls can't or shouldn't have fear? Or by having fear, is their faith not real?

Let me get this straight. The older I get, the more fears I have. Not to mention the existing ones. Fear of heights, and now I think I'm starting to get phobias - because the more we know about this world, the more fragile we are. I start to miss the younger days when I did not have the knowledge about so much filth of this world. The world is just more than just uncertainties, it's just out of this galaxy kind of uncertainties. I wish I could pick which part of the world I want to know and remember. The crimes that people do, greed, inhumane, insanity, I am not sure anymore if there's really anything that can reverse all that. But then, don't we have God? Yes we have. Is God enough? Yes, He is. But why do we still fear? I think I have the answer.

My faith is one thing. I believe in God. I believe that He listens, He protects, He gives mercy and He guides. He does all that, and He will not abandon the believers. But I also believe that God gives us power to decide what to do with our lives. Remember the times when we did so many mistakes and they happened anyway? Despite getting guidance from God, we still very much listen to our flesh instead of our spirit. Or even if we try so hard to get guided by our good conscience, things can still go wrong. God certainly let things happen as a consequences from our decision. And He certainly will let us make the mistakes, no matter how many times - as long as we decide to still make that mistake. So you understand where Fears have place around Faith? The fear that we still got it wrong, whether we are led by our desire or God just purposely wants us to learn. That's why, despite my faith, my fears are still around. As a matter of fact, my fears are bothering me everyday. I wish they could just go away. I still believe that I am lacking in the kind of faith that really can make all the fears go away. Lets just put it that way for now.

Somehow, it's just worse without the presence of Faith. I accept this as a learning process. Looking at the brighter side of it, I must have my battles to keep growing. Once I can overcome this, I will know why God allows them to be in my life for now. It's with them that I will watch my steps closely, that I will never feel safe without God's protection. In fact, my fears make me rely on Him much more than before. Guys, if you face the same thing, pick that road with God in it. We'll be safe anyway...:))

And That's What Maturity Is...

I come across positive people in my life, a lot of them, that I often only hear words of encouragements, compliments, good feedbacks- despite my not so perfect self, despite my not so perfect works, they managed to highlight only the good things in my memory. 

I seldom come across customers who give me a hard time. The last time was years ago. Heated argument, which caused by my mistake, but approved by her - and then I ended up to be the person who had to pay. Maybe we do need bitter experiences, or really tough customers to really come clean with our acts. Imagine that, years after that, which is recently, I have another heated argument with a customer, which is all about the same mistake that I did years ago. Many times that I did this mistake but it was always tolerated and forgiven. Not this time. This time I really have to face the music. 

Considering the losses that I have to bear, and the attitude of trying to find someone to share the blame with, no matter how rational I am, but the customer actually highlighted that - as someone who is sitting in my chair, I could Not make a single mistake. Not someone with my kind of experience. So I tried to resist taking the blame, until...I had to come to a silent moment seeking for God's assistance. I only asked for peace to have the wisdom to see the solution, and the puzzle was shortlived. I got my answer immediately. 

Suddenly I don't care about the losses anymore. I said I only wanted to fix this, get this over and done with, I said that no matter if I feel that I was "bullied" and "victimized" trying to bear all the cost without seeking a bit of responsibility from anyone who have led me to that mistake, I step up and champion that mistake by taking all the responsibility. 

I am naturally stubborn and hard-headed. As long as I can find reason winning, I don't think I deserve losing. So being me, if I have to go against that, I am tempted to just hate the person who puts me in that trouble, but instead of doing that, God let me see that this person is just another human who is trying to do something right. Then I'm reminded that humans are all kind to begin with. We just don't know them enough to love them. So I give my customer the benefit of the doubt and reward myself the peace. Yes, I am going to handle this right. For this Lenten season, I feel it's so timely to do the right thing, instead of being right. 

Thank you Lord for always being there for me :)