"The Water Bottle"

Earlier this evening, my sister and I got to play this "Spin the wheel" kinda thing, organized by a shopping mall. All you need to do is make a purchase that worth RM50 in a single receipt, and you stand to win something. So we were at the spin counter, registering. I got to spin first, and then my sister. Considering the few results on the wheel, I can say we are quite lucky. We could go home with nothing. But we won something. A water bottle. I picked green and my sister picked blue. 

My sister was so upset. She kept saying that she should have won something better. She spent a lot of money just to be able to spin the wheel. She likes that kind of thrill and especially, a few days before, she saw some people won a lot of interesting stuff. But when it was her turn, she got only a water bottle. The same thing like what I got. 

The difference is, I AM HAPPY. 

I was smiling all the way home. It was such a fruitful day for me. I got to finish my work, went out early to find presents for my lil nephew and managed to find a few worthy stuff, and then I got to eat the meals I was craving since yesterday. And spinning the wheel is like an extra bonus for me. I could not help but be happier!! 

When I saw how upset my sister was, I kept telling her, "Many went home with nothing from spinning the wheel. That water bottle looks like a good one. It's even a BPA-free. It's safer than most of the bottles out there." But my sister kept saying that she was really not lucky because when other people spinned it, they got something nice, and all she got was a water bottle. Hahahaha.

Then I remember something. I didn't tell her how I won my water bottle. I told her, actually, the wheel pointer was exactly in the middle. It was either I won something or nothing. To be honest, the pointer was more to the side of the "no prize", but the assistant who monitored the wheel still told her colleague that I won a prize. I won my water bottle out of someone's kindness. Maybe she thought, she lost nothing from doing a favour. What she did was very kind and I was so thankful. That's how I got my water bottle. 

My sister was surprised to hear that. She got her water bottle by playing fair. In other words, her hand is much luckier than mine. I could pity myself for getting a prize out of mercy, or I could curse my hand for not doing a better job, and the list go on. But I didn't. I saw the good side of everything. Then I said this magic line, "Be grateful in everything." "Bersyukurlah dalam setiap perkara". I can't think of who is more at loss in every situation, other than the people who are hard to please. Who are hard to sense blessings in every little things. Happiness is not a material. You can't buy it. Or touch it. But you are free to feel it. It's an inside job. Gratefulness opens that sense to happiness. Jangan mau rugi dalam bahagia. Syaratnya sangat mudah. Bersyukurlah sentiasa. Orang yang bersyukur akan selalu bahagia :)

twofivesix_256@yahoo.com

Mabuhay, 2016!

Hi guys,

This is my first post of 2016 so I think it's not too late to welcome another year full of hopes. What else? I think I should begin with an apology. I humbly apologize to all my readers who were offended by my last post. I saw a sinking number of my followers since that last post. Did you guys really find it offensive? Or was it a mistake by google or something? 

Somehow, I've always been vocal in this blog. Sometimes I got me concerned if I am being too much with my writing, or should I just continue the way I do it. I decided why not, lets just be this way. I always find balance in my every post though. Sometimes I say it harsh, sometimes I be a little too opinionated, but do you think I have somewhere else to do it? I sound like I'm sure I have offended anyone but again, if you understand what I mean, you won't feel offended. I know that it sounds like I have turned into a distasteful person who complains about lending ears to my friends but nope, that's not really the case. I STILL do that job. I can't run away from it. My friends need my listening ears. Just that I don't do it as much anymore because of time/priority issues. I swear, whenever I have that coffee table talk, automatically I want to hear what people say. That's how I learn from people. I listen to them. 

So what have 2015 prepared you for this year? As far as February, I can say that it's challenging. But challenges are the time to use the wisdom we have collected so far. The way we react or respond to situations, we know we are getting better. We no longer sink in hopelessness as easily as before. Most importantly, we have grown in so many ways. In what way that you have grown?

As for me, In Faith. I see situations with a bit more sense of faith. I just believe that God is there. He is. So things can never be too bad. I hope that you guys have grown in such a way that make you stronger and more able to handle situations in your life. Remember guys, that problems will not end. But we have smart ways to deal with them. They are not always our enemies so it doesn't mean that when we face problems that look so hard to solve, we must be the one to lose. NO. Problems and us, we are not competitors. We don't have to fall if our problems rise. We will rise at par and solve them and thats when we know problems come with rewards. They will pass us the rewards once we solve them. So Game On, guys? Lets do this!

Note: If you notice that I use Tagalog language at the topic, well, I've been learning this language from watching some of my favourite shows. So I might update you guys what brings me into learning this language. If people ask, but Why? I answer, but Why Not? Hahaha. Okay, till next post!

My Life As A Listening-Booth-No-More

I know that I've become the listening booth for so many years. All the years, I enjoyed doing it. I thought that it really balanced my talkativeness. I enjoyed listening to people and their situations, especially when they really needed my opinions. The thing is, there are these people who "abuse" the listening booths around them. They see them as...what, a thing instead of a person? Like, "if I have something to say, I say it and you listen". "It's an order!!" And they go tailing you making you feel bad for not doing your "job" this time. Suddenly it's not anymore a friendship thing. They become clingy and want to talk about anything to you, just to have ears, and after that, they just forget about it. Yeah, you heard it right.

Not that I grow to be heartless, but come on, if you become "abusive" like that, you're just lucky that the machines can't walk away. If they could, they would walk out on you too. Some people don't need humans, cos they already made up their mind. They know and think they are smart enough. They already know the answers to all their questions. They don't need your friggin opinions. They only need an entity to be there to listen to their ranting and "no thanks I'm not interested to hear anything from your side". Not only it's a one-sided conversation, it's totally selfish too. Like, "Oops, time's up I have something to do.", when you sacrifice your time for them, you make time for them just for it to go with the wind. Seriously, some people need is not a human listening booth but a coin-operated one. Seriously!

I'm slowly leaving my "part-time" job as a listening booth. Not that I become less caring, but I realize that the less and less deserving I am to give people advice. My own mind is already too cluttered to even give some quality opinions, I can't think for people when I'm dealing with many real life issues myself. I do miss those days when some people came to me and thanked me that they got something good and solved their problems from following my advice and opinion. I miss those days really. But I rather leave them in my good memory than to continue becoming one just for the wrong people to misuse it. 

*Hangs a CLOSED sign at the door.

 

Just let this one listening booth rest. :))

What FREEDOM Is To Me

FREEDOM is such a big word. It's when you do what you feel like, what you feel right. That no matter if people demand you to do and become, you simply do and become what you want, how you want it and it doesn't matter what they say. At first, people might think different of you. They might not approve you or agree with you. But when you keep on exercising that freedom, eventually they'd wish they have done the same thing from the start. Cos you make them see that how you choose to live your life, is you taking charge of the only power you are given, that is only YOU can live YOUR LIFE the best. And NO option is better than that!

To be honest, I never really be-friend-ed with the word FREEDOM to describe it as something that I've been doing for myself. But after all the years becoming this person I am today, I finally found that THIS IS THE WORD I've been putting into practice. The question is not about, What is it that people usually like? Instead, it's a statement of This is what I like.

Remember how many times people bother you about their opinions. Yes I do get affected. I know I can't stop people from criticizing me, but I don't have to know their every disagreement with me. I get pissed off whenever people tell me that my hair is too messy and that I should get a haircut, or my haircolour is just too loud that "Oh, I won't wear that colour for my kind of job", "Oh, why do you wear that?" "Oh, is this your job? Are you sure you are not wasting your degree?""Oh I think you'll look much better that way, than this way". All these will wear you down. Do you know that you can meet 10 people with 10 different opinions of you? They will not stop giving you extra voice, and they can easily make your own voice sink. If you think people's opinion is better than your own, you are still far from Freedom.  

My approach is that, when it comes to my life, I Know Better. That's why I still follow my stubborn unpopular ways of living my life. What I know nobody gets in trouble because of it, that's enough concern I have for them. To the people who have high expectations of me and how my life will turns out, well, they will have to deal with it cos I'm living my way this way, anyway. I've been through that chapter that "Nobody understands what I'm doing and why" and so I have anytime become a subject to their judgment and prejudice. Can you manage to go through this chapter, while still holding your values? Without being shaken? The reward is waiting for you. Cos after you go through that chapter Unshaken and Not ashamed of it, people will finally Get It. When they deal with tough situation trying to determine their life, you can easily be their inspiration. They'd wish they have that courage. It's not easy to claim your Freedom. It's you against the world. But once you found it, you know you accomplish something RARE. Only the most courageous can claim it. FREEDOM is only for the people who take charge of their own life.

I hope you be one and tell your story one day :))

Something Better Than Religion, Anyone?

Before this, I always thought that God lives at the Church. I was given the idea of why we must go to church every Sunday. "To Meet God". That's why, when I missed going to church, the next time I entered it, I said to God, "God, it's nice to see you again!"

But as I get older, I no longer just listen and accept. I want to have the kind of faith from understanding. I want it to be genuine and not just out of fear of other humans who make the rules. Well guys, in the world where religion is the reason why people fight, I want to understand do we have something better than religion? 

What if there's no religion, guys? I hate to see how people fight and kill because of it. We can say that religions teach about good things, that we can't blame religion when their members turn into extremism and hurt people from different religion and use God's name to justify their doing? Is it enough? Look deep inside of you, don't you judge one another because of their difference in faith? Maybe you silently do. Maybe you do! Like, hey, you are dirty because of what you eat. Or do. That's because of religion too, right? We become some judgmental freaks because of our religion. 

Sometimes, I just sit at the church and ponder upon this matter. In these people's heart, they have the love for God. The other part of them, are they really doing this for God, or humans who make the religion? I guess they are wondering too. They just don't want to be judged by the other humans. They want to be seen fulfilling their Sunday routine. But how much does the church attendance actually intensifies their faith? Does the connection with God only happens at the church? These days, religions are not just about God. You know, right? It also involves politics, power, wealth etc. But of course, church is built with Godly intention. Do not think differently of the church. It's the most peaceful place to meditate. That I agree. This isn't against the church.

But God doesn't just present at the church...

I can feel His presence beside me, all the time. Especially when I pray every morning, I have the vision of me, kneeling in front of Him. It's Him. The one that some people think can only be found at the church. My private prayer can't be more sincere than that. I got no one see me. Just in the comfort of my own small space, that connection can take place. It's as real as can be. No distraction. Just you and Him. You speak, He listens.

So when I missed a week or two from my church session, the next time I came, I sat and just smiled when I saw the painting at the church's wall. I didn't say, God, it's nice to see you again! Because I've been seeing Him everyday. I feel that when I don't really stress on religion, I feel more at peace. I feel that I'm finally honest about my faith with God. If you come across this post and start to judge me, you could be an extremism to your religion, and don't forget that your religion IS NOT your God. Remember that religions have brought so much pain in this world because people want to prove they are better than they rest. Enough people, enough!!

Religions teach us that we are better than others, right? No, in the eyes of God, WE ARE EQUAL. Remember that.

A Wedding of Bread and Butter

 

Actually, there are a lot of moderate couples out there who would not mind having just a small ceremony to celebrate their wedding. Usually, their priority is the holy solemnization. It's more important to have it legal in the eyes of God, and everything else is number two. Especially in a much demanding world of today. Everything is expensive. Everything is trend. Everything is about who is better than who. You have to be really "unique" if you are not part of this.

Like this article we could find in Fb. About this couple who only served breads with butter to the wedding guests. It is said that they didn't want to get into debt, so they only spent what they could afford. Bread and Butter. If you ask the question, why can't I be like them? Can I ever be like them? Why should I spend so much when the life after marriage is more important than the ceremony? You should also consider how is the community the couple in the story belongs to. Cos definitely you will take that into your consideration if you have the same idea. It's easy to say that "I don't care what people say, I am the one who will bear all the problems, not them!"

I know a few people, who never even had a wedding ceremony. They only got their civil marriage (which is  sufficient to be authorized as legally married) and then they live their life like a normal married couple. I remember one of them wrote in her blog, she had people talking on her back about the marriage, but she didn't care. She was happy with her marriage and she was already pregnant that time. So, this kind of moderation exists in our community but they are not easy to find. If you ask me, is it possible, yes It Is. It depends on how much and how far you are willing to do it - for the purpose of fulfilling your marriage procedure.

If you ask my personal opinion, I'm sorry if I might upset you. Cos the reality in my community - not that I care that much about what people say, but My Parents do. YES. I figured out that our wedding ceremony is not actually "especially for the two of us who are getting married that day". It's especially for Our Parents. They are the one who receive and answer for us when we are not around. They are the one who deal with their friends and relatives anything about their children. So I find out that, no matter how independent you are to the demand of the society, if you understand that "This isn't really about you". It's from my observation, why parents would fork their own money for your ceremony is because they want to have it done as properly as possible. Anything less than that, even if they don't necessarily get bashed in front of their faces, but they would feel really bad as parents. So our wedding ceremony is one way for us to make them happy. It will make them feel like they have done a good job being our parents, or at least, don't make the lose face in front of their friends and relatives. My parents might not see how much I have and would do for them, but in this one matter, I definitely put them first. Cos we only get married once, right? Our parents would usually have a few items to check in their lifetime. 1. Raising you well 2. Get your religious obligation done (baptism etc) 3.Your Education 4. Your Job After Graduate 5. Your Wedding! After that, they consider that you can take care of your life from there. It's that important to them. 

So the question of - what if I can't afford it? Well, here's the challenge. You need to be really smart with your money. If you have little budget, you need to be Even smarter. Try to do things yourself. Don't rely too much on second party to handle things for you. Get hands-on to your wedding details. This might not be the option for everyone cos I know a lot of people who won't do these kind of things. It's alright if you have more budget but if you don't, just this one time, try to make your dream wedding within your budget. Somehow, I agree with the principle of not getting into debt, or if you have to, make it a manageable debt. Don't OverDo it cos it will be a waste. A small, intimate, nicely planned wedding, with the close friends and relatives - is enough as long as everyone will have a good time. All the best on your preparation! :)

 

There's Nothing In This World That I Own

It's such an inspiring thing told by a customer, who is in her 50s. She is definitely someone who knows what she's saying. She has 10 children and lost her loving husband to a sudden death. She becomes my customer shortly after that when she and her daughter had to find ways to earn money themselves. A few years later, I could see changes in her. Her life is slowly paying off. Her kids are most grown-ups and she can spend her time doing what she likes, instead of working hard like before. So as we were sharing about some failed relationships of the people we know, then she told me this magic advice.

"Actually, what makes breakup more painful is because we think we OWN the person. That the person is unrightfully taken from us, hence it's unjust and we become so deeply hurt. We refuse to let go because we think it's our right to cling to the person who belongs to us. The truth is, there's  nothing in this life that we actually own. Nothing at all. Anything and be taken from us anytime, and it's not our job to stop it or holding on to things that leaves us. We never own it in the first place. Whether we lose it to another person, or to death. Whichever, it's the fact that we should accept that despite all things that don't last, we own nothing of them."

If you ask me, Yes, I have no doubt that her understanding of life - that we never own anything - helps her go through the toughest times in her life. I see myself totally the opposite. Sometimes I hold on too tight to things that any slight changes can affect and hurt me. She really inspires me since that day.

Today, I am facing a problem that is quite tough. My heart is filled with anger towards the people who caused me this problem. I wanted to shout at them and say all the bad words so they know how mad I am. I'm starting to feel hurt again because the losses that I have to bear because of it. But then suddenly the words come to my mind. What makes me so mad? It's definitely materials. Do I own anything in this life? No, I don't. Everything I have now, is from God. He let me have these things for a while. If I'm so mad that I'm gonna lose money, even those money are not mine. It's God that allows money to reach my hand to use on my materials need. So what is there to worry? God can let money come to my hand and they are not even mine. I should use the money to do my responsibility, to settle matters and not for me to keep like they are mine. I mean, "it's the possessiveness" that makes me think that "It's mine, so you shouldn't have it" makes it really hard actually. So when I think about it that God owns all that, and He will supply my needs if I rely on Him, what is there to worry? I can pass all that I have just so things can run smoothly, so that other people will get what they deserve and I get to fulfill my purpose in the society. It makes me feel so calm. It's funny how when things are hard, we think of many words to say to God. Suddenly we have reason to say longer prayers. Maybe it's really why God gives us hardship once in a while, He wants us to speak more to Him. He loves us telling Him about stuff. He loves to help. He's just so loving, isn't He. Goodness, God, you are awesome. Thanks for giving me such a realization before I sink myself in pain. Thank You, sweet Jesus :)    

Before You Run Out Of Mercy...

I saw that a lot of people use Fb as a way to bring into public, their dissatisfaction towards certain people or individual. To them, this is the best way to let others know so that others can avoid it from happening to them, or just seeking for some "extra support" so they have a bunch of people bashing that person who has done them wrong. 

I can do that too if I want to. I have at least 2 such experiences before. I can simply make noise and bring their name up so others won't come to them; so that they won't get cheat more people. At least, the reason is strong enough considering the amount of money involved. But I saw that a lot of people, bring up some names that are not guilty enough to get that public embarrassment. If you buy nasi lemak and you think the sambal is too salty, do you think it's enough reason to bring that nasi lemak seller to be the next talk of the town? It's too much, right. Considering that you can anytime make small mistakes like that but the difference is, People Forgive You. 

A lot of people commit bigger crime out there and even that, sometimes you let them go because you know the world is round and what they give, they get back, and plus, sometimes you have to give them the benefit of the doubt, cos maybe you don't know the whole story, that they are actually innocent. You can be right, but what if you are wrong. Consider humanity if you are running out of mercy.

Stay On Top, Or Fall

I remember this line from drama I watched. That it's hard to be on top, cos all you can do is either you stay on top, or go down. Competitions are everywhere. It really depends on how much you can handle the possibility of...not being the best. Cos there is always someone who is better than you who will come along. People who keep getting better at a faster pace, they too, will eventually overtake you. So, can you handle this?

Well, I have my take on that. I've been a winner before, and then I also been a loser who fell flat on my face. I know that pain of losing victory, I know the pain of slowly becoming irrelevant, so if you ask me how am I gonna handle competitions in my life today? Should I lose, it's nothing new to me. I've learnt to live with just enough. I've learnt to be average. Cos it's not that bad, actually. Competitions are just about - how many approve that you are better than others. What will happen when nobody approves that you are doing well. Will your life turn upside down? No. Your life will remain that way, still as happy as you decide to live it.

Sometimes you just have to shake that "winner image" off your mind. Competition is good, yes, but if you hate losing, just do it like me. Keep your winner points with you no matter how good others are. 

You are equally good in your own way. I don't tell you this but this is The Fact. The rest of the world might not have to know that, as long as the few ones who know you well, do. So don't worry about competitions, just do your best and project yourself as the happiest human being in your own life. Trust me, that's all that matters :))

Sabah Quake 5.6.15 - A Tragedy, A Mystery

Today is 9th June. Just 4 days ago Sabah was hit by this medium earthquake that was traumatic enough for the Sabahans. As you guys know, we used to believe that our country was safe from all kinds of severe natural disasters. We never had to worry. Now all that became a history.

I still remember, on Friday morning, at 7.15, I was sitting at the sofa. My usual routine before going out from the house. Usually I used that time to say my morning prayer. All of a sudden I felt the sofa starting to shake, the kind of movement that I thought caused by some wild animal below the sofa, or maybe the sofa was breaking down before my eyes. It was so unthinkable. I got panic and I quickly stood up and went to the door nearby. I held on the grill for support, in case anything happened. I looked at the sofa and tried to examine why did it move. Then before I could do anything, I actually felt the ground moving too! Oh goodness! It was so fast and I could feel that I was "surrendering" anytime - in case something really massive was going to happen. A voice screaming in my head telling me that This Isn't Real. This never happened before and No, it was not happening. WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT!! If I could see myself in a cctv, I must have my eyes wide opened, in total shock. After it ended, I was breathing hard, relieved that it has ended before something worse happened. If you ask me, Yes that was very traumatic.With some news of hearing trumpet from the sky and some other signs of apocalypse, I almost thought, THAT'S IT! IT'S HAPPENING NOW!!

From there, every day feels really long. With all the news coming in about victims who perished, about the landmark might Mount Kinabalu that was in bad shape after the earthquake. In fact, all the victims are the ones who were at the mountain that time. We have lost some innocent lives, including the mountain guides who touched the hearts of Malaysians, after their contribution being acknowledged all over the world. They are indeed the real heroes on this tragedy. Barehandedly they went and save as many lives, and 4 of these heroes have fallen in their rescuing mission. I cried so hard watching and reading about their sacrifices. 

Plus, many of the native Sabahans believe that this tragedy was caused by some incident that happened days before that. A group of tourists did something really offensive when they decided to go naked on top of Mount Kinabalu, despite being warned by the guides. The Sabahans believe that Mount Kinabalu is a sacred place where all the souls rest. Our ancestors believe in this for centuries and we accept that as part of the legacy of our people. Many of you who have climbed this mountain, should know about some dos and don'ts when you are at the mountain. You cannot do or speak foul, do not take anything but photographs, do not leave anything but footprints. Ask around and hear for yourself that it's better off people obey the rules of this place. They believe that we might offend the souls or the keeper of the mountain, known as Aki Nabalu and something bad will happen. In the midst of building anger at what the tourists did, suddenly this earthquake took place. I know what most of you think, that there's no way these souls are higher than God. If you ask me, I rather not argue about this. I have this thing called #Respect. I have long accepted the fact that I am not that smart to be able to understand everything. What I don't know or don't understand, doesn't mean they don't exist.

For now, I pray that there's no more disaster like this. It's heartbreaking. I really thankful that I have God to rely on, or else I'd be like really lost in uncertainties. I'd feel hopeless about live cos I might be clueless about my direction if it's really the end of the world. As you can see the header of this blog, I have made it in remembrance of tragedy. We are still in mourning. Sabahans from all walks of life are grieving together with their loved ones. Especially for the deceased mountain guides namely Robby, Valerian, Ricky and Joseph, you guys have no idea how proud we are with you for putting others's lives before your own. Thank you for making others see the warriors in our people. Rest in peace in the eternal life that is promised by our Saviour. You guys will always live in our memory. Condolences to the climbers who did not survive the ordeal. We do not always understand why God permits something to happen but we just have to trust in His will.

Stay Strong, Sabahans.