Do you like the limelight? Do you like to be seen and maybe highlighted? Do you like to be popular? Whatever your answer is, sure you have reason behind it.
As for me, I'm more of a behind the scene person. Since I was at school. I remember a few times being the person behind the curtain, and then most of the times, forgotten and not even recognized or given any credit. I never complained because I never asked. Back then I used to be the-less-popular girl next door. But silently I was still the place where my friends go when they need ears. It was a normal scenario for me when someone dragged a chair and sit in front of me and share their problems. I still do that till this day. Heran kan? Hehe.
Sia masih ingat time kami orientasi week Form 4. Kami decided to sing and dance. I was the one who suggested the song That's what friends are for. I provided the tape and the lyrics. For the second song, I also suggested the song Heal The World and provided the lyrics and tape. Someone else suggested the dance moves. Guess what, we won the first place. Our leader got all the compliments. He was the one to go up the stage and received the big hamper. In normal situation, he should at least thank everyone who worked behind the scene. But it was a small matter to me, it just got me wondering if I actually deserved a Thank you for my favour. I remember my friend was in charged in this choir competition. Of all the capable friends she has, she actually asked for my help. 256, come help me, teach them how to sing the song. It was a patriotic song. She even recorded me singing so that she could play it for them to learn the melody. (Ah, I forgot the song, it was probably an English song). Sometimes I wonder how could my friends actually saw any potential in me because I was such a laid back person back then. I never demanded anything more. I never really wanted to step up and be known. I never even showed much of what I have. But still, some people actually acknowledge that I have something that they need. I was not even a good student in secondary school. I lost my "excellency" to culture shock and I became disoriented, lazy and under-achiever. So you understand why I didn't deserve any acknowledgement?
Until now when I'm in the job world, I'm still faceless to most. I've been the person behind some of my sister's works that got her a lot of compliments. I saw my works displayed at the public area without anyone knowing it was my work. On my bro's wedding back then, I was behind the stage decoration (that people thought we paid someone else to do it). Even some of my customers today, they have used my works (yes they paid for them) but none of them actually knew who did all that. Some of them know my name, but they never saw me, didn't know how I look like. So mysterious right? I don't plan that one. That's just how I am. Maybe I'm just comfortable this way. Or maybe I'm used to it.
So it's often the case when you see photos where I should be there. But you don't see me because mostly I was the one who took the photos. Once in a while you will see my photo but that's considered rare because I was the one who usually managed all the photos displayed so I get to decide when I want to appear. Hahahaha. If you ask me, as long as it is my own accord, I permit it to be this way.
But it doesn't mean I'm purposely limiting my encounters with people. I don't. I will still go and meet whoever is necessary. I will answer all questions. I will send my own form and paperwork because I will proudly introduce myself. There are times when I will claim that this is my work, I will even prove, and will not be shy about it. The most satisfactory thing about this is, it doesn't matter if someone else gets the credit for my work. It's more important that I have the ability to do something to make it possible for someone else to want the credit and then be given. It's my personal accomplishment. At the end of the day, it's the works of my two hands, they will still need to come to me if they need it again. Or else they are free to get it from someone else.
Not sure la kalau kita semua begitu. Ada orang yg suka tonjolkan diri and it's not wrong. Sia tidak akan peningkan diri utk fikir kenapa dorang begitu dan sia begini. Sia cuma tau apa sia bikin. Ada juga kawan sia tanya, kalau sia bikin2 vlog kami tapi sia nda penah pun post di FB untuk orang tengok and probably kasi like. Penat2 bikin tu untuk apa lah kalau nda dikasi tinguk urang kan? Sia post vlog2 sia di small group kami yang ada 4 org ja. Mata 3 org kawan sia tu sudah cukup untuk mewakili semua org lain sebab dorang kenal sia, dorang peduli and ambil tahu, and the video is relevant untuk dorang sebab dorang adalah kawan rapat sia. Teda guna sia kasi tinguk sama beribu orang tapi orang tidak peduli dan tu video teda value pun sama dorg. Kalau kawan sia rasa sia rugi2 ja penat, NOT TRUE. Sebab anggap la sia the most selfish person on this earth. Sia bikin benda yang sia suka dan sia happy. Jadi dalam vlog2 sia, kamu akan nampak how sia "balas balik" sia punya "ketiadaan" gara2 selalu jadi orang yg teda dalam gambar or hanya di belakang tabir. Suddenly kau akan nampak muka sia ja bertimbun di sana. Macam sia seolah-olah sangat obsess kepada diri sia sendiri. Hahahahahahha. Sebab sia buli ja cakap, This is my time to show myself. This is me, who often works behind the scene, who sits behind the wall. Di semua gambar2 yang sia tiada, di sini lah semua gambar2 tu. Pelik juga kan? Hahahahhaa. But itulah sia.
Or the alternate reality is, sia tidak expect banyak dari semua benda tu sebab...once sia expect, sia takut org tidak boleh tunaikan. Sepa tau mungkin permintaan sia tidak tercapai oleh orang. Mungkin sia sedar ni, jadi sia protect diri sia daripada become fragile. Jadi jangan terlalu mengharap apa2 daripada sia, cos I might let you down with my expectation. Sepa tau yang sia mungkin akan strangle you and suffocate you with my rules. Sia manusia pelik, biarkan ja sia keja belakang tabir selagi sia mau. LOLS.
Note: Sia penat2 menulis di blog sia ni, sia masih harap kawan2 sia tidak jumpa blog sia. Biarlah dorang tidak baca. Biarlah dorang tidak berpeluang untuk say something nice about my blog. Sia mau tulis ni macam tulis diary ja. Sepa yang kebetulan tau, tau lah. As usual, sia kan si 256 yang memang sudah biasa di belakang tabir. Sia nda akan complen kalau kamurang nda kenal sia. I swear. Hahahahaha.
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