The Dangerous Emotion Trap

Sia ingat2 balik perkara yang berlaku hari ni…

I feel good with my work.

I’ve done a lot of good jobs. I’ve used my time wisely. I had some laughing moments exchanging sms. I went to IRC and talked for a bit and had fun. A guy acquaintant came to my place and complimented me something about my looks. I paid for something and the person gave me a discount rate though I didn’t ask for it.

But when I reached home just now… I was feeling down.Baring di katil, still feeling down. Something is bothering me. Kenapa ni ahh? Why feel mcm ni?

Something is NOT right. Sebab kalau ingat2 sepanjang hari ni, it was more on the good things. Something Very Wrong is going inside my mind.Something that is starting to affect me. Kalau sia layan2 ni feeling, sia boleh rasa yg life sia ni worthless. Wow. Just like that?

Suddenly I start to look at the negative elements of my life. I found out that the friends that I treasure – are actually less than I thought they were. Suddenly I feel so worthless- So all this while I’m making friends with people who are not making things better for me? Suddenly I feel like I’m just wasting my time. And suddenly I feel so bad because I let go off the people who wanted to be in my life. And I now imagine how many worthy hearts that I hurt – and then choose to mingle with a group of friends who eventually prove themselves unworthy. Suddenly I feel so bad about my work. I think my work is so slow and I made a lot of wrong decisions. Whoaa…the thoughts were killing me. Gila kan guys? You read it, you pun rasa benda ni crazy. Tapi itu lah yang actually bothering me. Ntah dari mana tu pikiran datang.

Sedarkah kamu bila benda ni berlaku dengan kamu? Life kamu bukan main bagus lagi serba serbinya. Bukankah itu yg kamu mau? But suddenly your own EMOTIONS start to ruin everything dengan berpikir benda yang bukan2. Sedar tidak sedar, ini lah yang berlaku pada kita bila emosi kita mencapai kestabilan, pikiran kita sendiri yang cuba merosakkannya.

I know this very ideal married couple since last year. Life dorang cukup best. They are both good looking people, married for 10 years, dua2 pegawai tinggi, drive kereta mewah, rumah besar – Cuma anak saja yang belum ada. But dorang dibagitau dorang teda masalah dapat anak. Cuma belum rezeki. Sia envy the lady because her handsome and well built husband sayang betul sama dia. Walaupun sudah kawin gitu lama, still her husband treats dia as if dorang baru juga kawin. Sia pun tekejut bila tau dorang sudah 10 tahun kawin – memang blessed. Sepatutnya the lady sudah capai tahap kestabilan emosi dia at this stage. But guess what? Assistant dia datang tempat sia tadi dan cerita yang boss perempuan dia tu baru2 tu menangis2 mengadu sama dia sebab dia rasa life dia betul2 teda makna. Dia rindu sama family dia di Semenanjung dan dia mau tukar kerja pegi sana but husband dia nda suruh. Orang lain menangis2 sebab husband dorang main kayu tiga, tapi dia ni pula, husband ampai2 sana love habis sama dia, dia cari “hal baru” untuk feel bad about life dia. You guys see that? Dia sudah tinggal di Sabah begitu lama, but now baru dia rasa memberontak mau tukar tempat kerja when everything is stable. Out of nowhere ba ni hal. Teda angina teda rebut, kau cari conflict baru dalam life kau.

Ini la yang sia baru saja namakan sebagai Emotions Trap. Sia baru terpikir the best word to describe it sebab this could be the thing that explains WHY hidup manusia tidak pernah senang lama. Mesti ada2 saja yang bikin dorang sedih dan sakit hati. Semua dari kepala sendiri saja. Kalau semalam your hubby tidak pukul u, hari ni pun sama juga, but hari ni u rasa sakit. Why? Nahh…teda sepa pukul kau tapi kau cari reason lain untuk rasa sakit. Sia boleh cakap I go through something like this just now. Things are still the same but suddenly I saw some elements are going against me. T since sia berabis cari reason “what to call this” – then automatik sia slow down sia punya proses “perangkap emosi”. Kalau sia tidak sedar “keganjilan” ni, confirm sia sedang depress ni sekarang.

Heran betul. Bukan element sekeliling kita yang buat kita mcm tu. When the world has stopped hurting you, you find an excuse to hurt yourself. It’s true, guys!! Think about it. Actually, masa sia jumpa my bestfriend hari tu, dia pun sama juga. Dia suddenly mengadu sama sia yang dia betul2 tertekan. Padahal dia sudah dapat kerja yang dia mau, dan dia happy sama family dia. Masa dia sibuk bercakap tu, terus sia pun sibuk menganalisis “Apa kena sama dia ni ah?”. Then lepas dia habis cakap, sia cakap gini. “Begini pula manusia ni kan. Memang habit dorang untuk cari conflict when everything else in place.” Buli2 dia terpikir, “I would love to quit my job and stay di rumah saja.” Padahal selama ni dia yg betul2 tergila-gilakan kerja dia tu, sampai terpikir mau buat company engineering sendiri. Ntah dari mana pikiran dia tu datang, nda pasal2 menjejaskan kualiti hidup dia.

Now sia paham satu perangai luar-sedar manusia ni. The good thing about realizing this is you don’t get carried away with it. Your Life Is How You See Things. Don’t get into the Emotion Trap, guys…If you entertain your stupid unexplained thoughts, you’re actually lured to get in the trap. DON’T go there, guys. You never know what it is going to do to your life.

Say NO to Emotion Trap.