A Rebound Love – Is that Possible?

I have mentioned this guy quite many times in this blog alone. I always refer him as the man who almost has no flaws in my bare eyes, but I still failed to love him.

He’s the same guy who has my name as his first love. I’m not sure if he’s mine.

He’s the same guy who I thought forced love into my life far before I was ready.

He’s the same guy who I accepted as my boyfriend just because I didn’t want to hurt him.

He’s the same guy who had been a very thoughtful boyfriend to me all the years.

He’s the same guy who broke up with me out of nowhere because he could not stand jealousy just to come back to me 2 weeks after that and the rest was history.

He’s the same guy who gave me a diamond ring and assumed I said yes to his proposal when he saw me wearing that ring.

He’s the same guy who burnt all my stuff and pictures when we finally parted ways and thought it was the most hurting thing he had in his life.

He’s the same guy that I found after a few years later who dated a new girl who has my resemblance. 

Yes, he’s the guy. And he’s also the same guy who dropped me a note on my birthday less than a month ago and talked as if we have never broken up.

The most shocking thing that I learnt earlier today is, this same guy told me he has broken up with his new girlfriend and he wanted to be with me Once Again. I was like, What?? You can’t be serious. 

After everything, this rebound is unthinkable. I’m definitely a different person and I am not so sure about him. If I could not love him that much when he was my boyfriend, I don’t know if that’s possible to try to love him again now that I have become tougher than how I used to be.

This rebound is almost ridiculous. And selfish too. 

He never even asks if I already have someone in my life. 

All I have in mind now is to return the ring. 

So the answer to the topic, gosh I am not sure if I have answered it in this post. 

Go figure. :)

“I Will Never Fall For Ya”

You meet new people, from strangers to new friends—you can tell one thing. “I will never fall in love with this person.” Not necessarily because u think the person is not good enough, but it’s always because you have a certain criteria for your dream guy and decided that the new person doesn’t have it. So how well can u rely on this?

I have come across guys who initially believed that I am way out of the league. At least in my experience so far, whether they might think I talk too much, or I think too much, but they also found that I am intellectually intimidating, that they thought I was a little too smart. It’s individual’s opinion. Maybe it has something to do with their manly ego and stuff. But more than one case so far in my life, the guys actually broke their own word. The same guy who months ago told me that he would never fall in love with me, actually forgot that he said something like that. The next thing I know, he was saying words of love and suggest that we take it another step ahead. In one case, I actually brought up about it and the guy said, “Now it is different. Now I think smart girls are hot.” Or is that just an easy excuse?

So what happen? Are months long enough for you to remember something like that? How on earth that you guys change your mind so fast? I think it happens a lot to the girls too. The guy that she thinks is less favorable becomes the guy that she ends up falling in love with. It sounds a bit funny, isn’t it?

I have a new concept of “attractiveness” between male and female. I believe that you can never answer accurately what kind of person you could fall in love with. Maybe you can easily say that you like girls with long hair and skinny body. But wait a little while and see who you fall in love with. She could be totally the opposite!! I still believe that attractiveness seems to be very much the job of the eyes, but it’s more than that. It’s how connected you feel with the person, and how much joy the person can bring you when she’s around and stuff life that. Suddenly you don’t care if she has long hair or not. Suddenly you can tolerate with her bigger size. Eventually you have to admit that maturity and experience help you to evaluate people beyond their physical values. “There’s something else behind all this criteria thing. It just doesn’t work all the time.”

To me, I also would say something like that to certain guys. Like, I’m very sure this guy or that guy isn’t my type. No way I’ll ever fall in love with him. But at least, my way of evaluating someone is not the same as most people do. I think I am being realistic with my criteria. I won’t say that I won’t fall for the guy just by the way he looks. Nope. I already know that it’s not always about looks. But it’s not always the case for some people. They just randomly say to the person that, “I’m sure I’m going to love you as a friend and not more” just to find out that they forget that said it. So if I were the person who was the target in that case, I would just smile cynically and shake my head. Maybe it’s just how it works. It’s a work of Mr. Cupid that strikes the arrow straight to your heart. By the time you say, No! Don’t! , it’s already too late. You start to feel that tingle and overwhelming feeling that you want so much to tell the person how special he/she is to you. Sometimes the feeling is too much for you to bear.

So before you even say it confidently that You will NEVER fall in love with someone, you should slow down on that thought because that soft feeling is very strange. Sometimes you try so much to avoid it, but you still fail. You would have to surrender to the fact that you can never tell what the future bring :)

The Lurve Bites

Ada sorang customer sia ni selalu datang and lepak tempat keja sia. To describe her a bit – dia ni memang selekeh2 sikit. Owez in her t-shirt and loose pants. She’s happily married dengan her old time lover but nda berapa ngam dengan mentua dia. Ada2 saja yang dicakap oleh mentua dia tu yang buat dia kecil hati. So one day maybe dia overheard perbualan mentua dia yg complen pasal dia so dia ambil keputusan tinggalkan rumah tu kejap dan pulang tempat mama bapa dia. But dia punya kunjungan ke tempat keja sia ni nda pula putus. Mesti dia akan datang beberapa kali dalam seminggu time dia rest. So pada masa yang sama, masa tu dia ni sentiasa mengadu demam yang tidak pandai baik2. Sia heran kenapa dia buli tahan itu demam dan tidak pegi jumpa doctor. Sampaikan sia syorkan dia lagi doktor2 swasta yang memang bagus. Tapi ntah la…nda jua pandai dengar. Tahan juga dia ni demam mcm tu. But dia punya demam ni tidak la teruk sangat sampai bersin2. Cuma nampak muka dia nda bermaya ja.

So selepas lebih kurang 2 minggu…ada beberapa hari dia nda datang tempat sia. Then bila dia datang, muka dia masih pucat. Bertambah teda seri sebab she’s still selekeh as usual. Rambut pun tidak begitu kemas. So as usual, I was about to say something about keadaan dia yang demam dan tidak pandai baik2 tu…so I said, “Sia tinguk kau ni bertambah lagi pucat.” Then masa sia tengok muka dia tu, I saw merah2 di leher dia. Macam bertompok-tompok. Then sia terus cakap, “Uii…now sampai ada merah2 sudah di leher kau oooo” Sebab time tu I thought her fever sudah sampai tahap bengkak2 dan ruam ba. Then ntah why sepantas kilat juga suddenly sia sense something and said “Uh-Ohhh” dan pada masa yang sama jugalah dia bagi sia reaction yang spontan. Dia buat this face yang terkejut and sangat malu and terus kasi naik kolar baju dia tutup tu bekas2 merah. “Omigawdddddd” then sia ketawa berabis. Kenapa la capat betul sia tegur?

Then I asked her, “Wait, mana sudah kau stay ni? Kau balik sudah rumah mentua kau ka?” She answered, “Sudah baa, dua hari sudah,” dengan muka merah sebab malu2. Then I laughed…”PATUTLAAAAH” Hahahaahahahahahahahahha. Nasib la kita ni org dewasa ba sudah kan? Hehehehe.

Then sia stop tu topic di sana cos bagi sia itu hal peribadi dia. Esoknya dia datang lagi. Kali ni lagi la lucu. Dia pakai baju ada kolar, berbutang sampai atas. Sia kelucuan tinguk dia cos sampai gitu sekali dia mau cover tu bekas merah. Dia cerita sama sia yang dia pi complen husband dia pasal tu tanda2 merah. Hahahahaha. “Babi ba husband sia ni buat mcm ni,” dia cakap gitu. Sia yang sudah lali dengan cara dia bercakap rasa kelucuan pula. Berabis sia ketawa. “Adaka kau cakap husband kau mcm tuu…” Then she said, “Buli2 dia nda mengaku dia yang buat.” Hahahahahaaahahha. Bah sukupppp… sia nda mau dengar bedtime story orang.

Cuma sia mau cakap siiikit la pasal gigitan sayang ni kan. Bukan benda baru ba kalau kita ternampak leher tu merah2 sampaikan kita pikir org tu kena penyakit kulit yang tahap kronik. Ada yang sia pernah nampak the whole neck sampai belakang ba ada tu mark. Ish ish ishhh… Ada jua yang time hari pertunangan, tidak cukup dengan apa yang dinampak di mata, kena rakam lagi di gambar. Punya terang2 tu love bite di leher. Kalau mcm kes kawan sia tu, actually benda tu dipahami ba kan. Especially when she’s married and tidak pulang rumah selama 2 minggu, so maybe there’s a reason why it’s called Love bites ba kan? Dan kalau la jadi mcm kes kawan sia tu, dia malu pula dengan mark tu dan end up maki husband dia. Yang lelaki2 tu nda kisah ka kena maki di belakang sebab buat bini/gf kamu butang baju sampai atas? Hahahahahahahaha. Oh well, maybe u guys can find a better spot?

Hahahaahahahahahahaha…just a fun post to share with you guys…. Hehehe. Love bites…I’m yet to see guys with those marks. Hahahaahha.

The Love Guru

Recently, a guyfriend went to ask for my opinion about his love life. And all his problems are not that unfamiliar to me. It’s the same old thing that people have been talking about. And the first one was easy. He came again asking for my opinion on a much harder situation when her ex for 2 years suddenly came back and asking for friendship from him. He asked me Why she did that and How to handle her. Oh man, even that was easy for me. And everytime I gave my answer, he could not object me because my opinion always makes sense. He always ended up saying, “Damn you’re right!” Maybe that’s why he suddenly came up with a new name to refer to me – The Love Guru. Erkss!!!

I smiled to myself thinking that sometimes we are like that. We are so good to give people all the theories that we have learnt, we are so smart to answer all the hardest questions – But when it comes to hands-on, we could be worse than those who are seeking the answers from us. At least it’s true in my case. I suck at handling things with this love thingy. If you ask me many kind of funny questions, more probably I can give you answer that can make u go Wow. But if I have a choice, MAYBE I rather not know the answers to all the questions and I rather not be called a Love Guru. I just want to be a tiny human being who knows just enough to handle her own love life. That’s all.

But this is life. Sometimes you are More on one thing and lack on the other. Sometimes I tend to believe it too much that I think that If I’m good at one thing, I Can’t be good at other things. But this is kinda stupid though. I saw some people who are good in almost everything they do. Why can’t I? Maybe this is just about me restraining myself by thinking that if I’m really good with giving people friend-to-friend counseling, most probably that’s all I’m good in. Maybe I really suck in implementing the ideas myself. Even if this isn’t true, try to save me from this superstition. Save me from the names like Love Guru cos that might make me lose further in my own love dilemma. *Lols. Just kidding. But then, one thing for sure. Thanks for reminding me that the more someone claims that I am somekind of a good counselor, the more I think that I do actually need one too. Hahahaahahahahahahahaha.

I guess that anybody can be the Love Guru to other people’s love life other than his/her own. *giggles

A Fairytale Story-Teller That Never Was

Pernah dengar cerita cinta yang almost like a Fairytale? Wujudka Fairytale di alam reality?

Ada sorang customer-turns-friend yang selalu lepak2 sama sia. Dia ni Nampak sangat average. If orang2 yang judgmental memang akan bagi dia ni not-so-good review sebab her penampilan very sempoi dan quite selekeh actually. Dia ni suka juga cerita macam2. Sometimes her story memang a bit like “too good to be truth” but memang setakat yang sia dapat ingat dan dengar, almost all her stories memang tidak bertindih. So all that while sia memang No Prejudice dengan semua story2 dia, biarpun ada yang terlampau dasyat dia punya 18SG atau 18SX. Yang paling tragis cerita dia sendiri watch sexual harassment di lift yang berlaku kepada sister dia and how her sister was traumatized. Terlampau dramatic pula. Kalau satu kejadian saja, nda apa juga. Tapi terlalu banyak kejadian yang dikira overdose dan betul2 significant untuk diingat.

Actually being a good listener ni pun bukan senang. Sometimes sia pun terpikir juga adakah sia cuma buang masa dengar cerita dongeng dorang or memang some people ni betul2 ada life yang begitu dramatic macam satu storybook yang diolah dengan begitu menarik sekali. From her story, dia tidak juga tinggi diri. Bad experience dia diceritakan dengan begitu baik dan logic sekali. Her love stories pun mcm tu juga. Ada macam2 lelaki yang cuba approach dia and how she ends up dengan her husband now. Tapi memang dlm cerita berkaitan lelaki2 ni la yang bikin dia “kantoi” dengan sia tadi. Sia sudah catch satu point of story dia yang bercangggah. Sia geleng kepala ja. So, is she another compulsive fairytale narrator ka? Like it’s an illness to make up stories dengan orang2 yang tiada kepentingan pun untuk bagi her anything from the made-up fairytales. Can I ask again, WHY? I don’t understand.

Her lovestory was almost a fairytale cos the guy that she didn’t get to marry was like so crazy in love with her. Sampaikan dat guy sudah bawa her pegi ambil gambar kawin di Yes, I Do di Penampang. Dorang ambil pakej RM1999. Semuanya memang logic untuk setakat itu. Dia cakap that studio kasi hadiah dorang kek kawin dua tingkat lagi dan dorang makan berdua saja di tepi pantai. Sia belum pernah dengar ada studio pengantin yang kasi hadiah kek kawin dan terus bagi that kek lepas ambil gambar. And then, masa makan kek tu dat guy almost bawa dia pegi register kawin. Setau sia bukan u senang2 datang and register. But since dia nda mau, so dia kasi kawan sia ni cincin. Cincin Couple yang kalau disambung barulah bentuk Love tu lengkap. But biasanya masing2 simpan yang sebelah tu ba kan? But dia simpan dua2. Memang hairan. So di bahagian yg dia betul2 kantoi is when dia cakap pasal gambar kawin tu. Not fair juga dia simply reka cerita and waste my time dengar ba kan? Maybe her memory is quite good, but mine is better than hers. Dia lupa yang a few months back dia bagitau sia dia teda gambar kawin yang diambil di studio gara2 itu studio Everbest punya cameraman lupa pasang flash, so gambar dorang semua gelap. Dorang siap minta balik duit. I still remember her story time tu sebab I asked her if dorang ada take pic studio for wedding package. So she was trying to tell me yang dorang ada pegi ambil but gambar tu rosak. She didn’t say “We don’t have the budget”. Nevermind. But tadi, bila dia sebut pasal sudah ambil wedding shots tu dengan her old lover yang she didn’t get to marry, she suddenly sambung that cerita yang kununnya masa dia kawin dengan husband dia tu, that cameraman terkejut tengok muka dia datang untuk ambil gambar di studio tu lagi, tapi dengan lelaki yg berbeza. Dia terpaksa bisik2 dengan that cameraman yang lelaki yg lama tu bukan husband dia. And dia sempat lagi suruh dorang kasi masuk gambar dorang yang kena display dalam album sample. Sebelum husband dia tu Nampak. Nahh…sense the mistake?? Ertinya dia just claim yang dorang take pic di Yes I Do juga!! Sedangkan a few months back dia cakap dorang ambil di EverBest yang kununnya gambar dorang rosak. Patutlah sia heran kenapa professional punya photographer boleh lupa pasang light? Kalau pun lupa, mesti nice juga tu cuma lighting effect ja yang berbeza. Rupanya ni semua cerita rekaan saja dari mula lagi . Kalau sudah cakap pasal rekaan, confirm la itu tiang studio pun dia cakap runtuh masa sedang2 ambil gambar. Aduiiii….WHYYYY??

Sia sudah pernah nampak ILLNESS yang macam ni. SIa pernah ada kawan seorang yang Obsessed with STEALING and then since 2 years ago sia ada kenal dengan the single mother yang Obsessed with LYING. Dorang punya obsession ni memang sangat strange. Yang si pencuri tu akan mencuri biarpun dia tidak berada dalam kesempitan. Dan yang menipu tu akan kasi twist cerita biarpun dengan orang2 yang tiada kepentingan pun dalam penipuan tu. And then this one lagi satu Fairytale story-teller yang tidak pun memerlukan impression yang baik dari sia, yang cuma seorang yang dia baru kenal. Whoa… Kalau sia mau tanya, Kenapa obsession yang pelik macam ni boleh wujud? Adakah yang boleh jawab?

Daripada sia pening2kan kepala, bagus sia jaga hal tepi kain sia ja. Memang manusia ni betul2 pelik. Kita sebagai orang yang deal dengan dorang ni, kena pandai buat apa yang patut supaya obsession dorang tidak menyusahkan kita cos kalau mau harap kita kasi betul dorang, kita sendiri pun belum tentu lagi terlepas dengan Obsession yang pelik2 macam tu. So senang cakap macam ni sajalah…Masing2 pandai cari bahagia. Jangan sampai menyusahkah orang lain dan disusahkan oleh orang lain cukuplah.

NOTE: Yang Si Fairytale Story Teller tadi ni sebenarnya sudah wasted my time juga but sia halalkan saja lah. Siok juga ba tu macam dengar cerita fairytale sekali sekala kan. Hahahaahahahaahaha.

The Cost Of Her Smile

“I want to eat sweets. Can you buy some for me?” You say, “Sweets? It’s bad for your teeth. It’s too childish. Later la I buy you some Ferrero Rocher but I buy when I have the time to go to the mall. “But I want the sweets, now” she insists. “Alaa..no need la. I’m sure you like the chocolate more. Later la ok?” But the grocery shop that sells sweets is very near from them. How much do the sweets might cost? It’s as cheap as 3 sweets for 20 sen and for that little cost, why do you give so many excuses just because you think you know what is better for her. You never know that the little request is all she asks for. And you never know that your inability to fulfill her smallest request tell her a lot about how much she actually means to you. If you think her request is too small for her to pout if you exchange it with someone bigger, you can be wrong. If you think that she won’t care if you don’t fulfill it as long as you have bigger things in mind, you are wrong. The sweets could be all she wants and yes, because of your reluctance, you could hurt her so badly. Unless she’s really no one to you, maybe you don’t care. What if she’s the person that you care the most?

It’s funny when sometimes we still find excuses for the simplest thing. What can be simpler than a little request from the person that you care so much. Even when the request is too ridiculous or quite laughable, it could mean a lot to the person. It could be as simple as buying sweets, but it could lead to arguments that cause both of you heartache and tears that might put your relationship in jeopardy. Sometime this is what we do subconsciously. The easiest thing become the hardest thing because we think that the person we love must be asking for the universe before she can be happy. Why make life difficult – if she asks for the simplest thing, give her that simplest thing.

At the end of the day, you’ll realize that The Cost Of Her Smile is not about how much, how expensive or how big. It’s the thoughts from you that she can feel from the little things that she asks for. You’ll realize that to feel hurt in the end just because you have hurt someone you love is – Almost Stupid, when it is all caused by your insensitivity that you don’t believe that the little things are actually all it cost to make her smile. :)

The Memorable Valentine’s

This feeling keeps on getting good reviews this time of the year. That feeling called LOVE. It’s Valentine’s Day again, people. Although I don’t believe in celebrating this day anymore, but if it’s the only way you guys can strengthen the love bond between you and the people you love, then Go Ahead… Celebrate it.

I don’t believe in the hype of celebrating Valentine’s Day anymore because I hate to remember how I got too carried away with celebrating the day and forgot why I celebrated it in the first place. So what I do now is trying to get in touch with the REAL purpose of celebrating it. That’s why, I don’t let this day distract me. I still believe anyway that sometimes people need excuse to do something more special for the people they love, so if this day is that excuse, go ahead. Celebrate it. But don’t forget that it’s for the two of you to love each other more. It’s not about expensive gifts and dinners. Get your feet on the ground and realize that the person standing in front of you is WHY you celebrate the day. If the person standing in front of you brings no flowers or chocolates, as long as he is there. That person is the Purpose of your Valentine’s.

I still remember one Valentine’s when I received 2 expensive gifts from 2 different guys. A gold necklace and a gold bracelete. And I hate to remember it because I was so heartless and immature back then to practically keep 2 guys in my life at once. I saw it how I mocked the purpose of Valentine’s. I could preach about how I could only love one guy at a time, and I think I was telling the truth. It’s just that, life put me in a funny situation that I actually fell in the trap of betrayal and not brave enough to settle the matter. I learnt the hard way that Love is also responsibility. If you cease to love your partner, tell the truth. Don’t make someone who loves you cry because of your act of irresponsibility.

Make this day a memorable one, okay :)

Happy Valentine’s Day to all the people that I care and love. Yes, including you my readers :) ♥ ♥ ♥

Is He The One?

The Valentine’s Day is coming up. I know that most of those who are in the courtship are especially very nervous and excited for the day cos this is the time that you guys gonna reveal “more” of your affection for each other.

What IF one clairvoyant comes to you and says, “She/He’s not the one for you. The right one is still out there.” What would you feel? Of course when the emotions are running high, of course you would answer the clairvoyant back, “She has everything I want! She must be the one!” Then it’s the time to ask you…

“How do you know if she’s the one?”

I have been browsing around Oprah’s website lately and I spent some time reading about Soul mates theory. Oh man, I have actually written about The Theory of Soul-Mate long ago and I have published it some time in this blog. So Soulmate theory is nothing new to me. But I’m not here to mend the theory based on other people’s opinion. I just want to highlite One Point that about the idea of our Mr/Miss Right.

We heard A LOT. And then we also ask for A LOT. Oh boy. Come to think about it, some of our requirements are not realistic at all. What we want is not Mr/Miss Right, but Mr/Miss Perfect!! Hahahahahaha. Nevermind. You guys will learn sooner or later that Nobody’s perfect! So maybe this is when you will make use of this One Point that I am going to highlite here.

According to what I read from the website that I can agree with, which I write back using my own words and understanding; - The Right One is the one who can make you progress as a better human being as time goes by. The person doesn’t necessarily be everything you want by the time you meet him, but YOU will lead him and be that best version of human being, and at the same time, he makes you progress as a better human being too.

So she might be hot and beautiful – but she doesn’t make you be a better person in the real sense of human values – it will all be temporary. Having a partner is NOT all about showing off or bragging to your friends that you get the best girl on demand. No. This is more than just superficial. If the person is fun to be with at the time but doesn’t contribute to your self-progression, I think that gonna spell the end for you guys too. Cos if that connection doesn’t exist, both of you are said NOT to be right for each other. At the end of the day, you will understand that relationship is not just meant for a year or two, but it’s for the person to stay beside you through thick and thin, and achieve great things together. Imagine what a boring and meaningless life could be with both of you are not “growing” in many senses cos life changes with time. You need to keep in pace and still be happy with each other.

Yes, maybe I have thought so long before. Though I didn’t have the proper words for it that time, but I just knew that I was holding back TOO MUCH of myself just because I dated the wrong kind of guy. I didn’t ask for someone who have the same interest as me, but at least he appreciates the passions and the talents that I have. And he just supports and let me pursue what I want. If you’re dating someone who’s “holding your breath” – Uh-oh…maybe that’s a red signal over there. Cos the longer you spend with that person, imagine how much you are wasting for yourself. We ain’t gonna live forever. So it’s not too late yet. If you’re in a steady relationship, this definitely is the time to re-examine whether or not your partner is The Right one for you to “till death do us part” with. Hehehe.

Some people who are lucky have found their match and have accomplished great things together. For the rest of us, as long as we are still breathing…the Hunt is on. So whether or not your partner is The One, now you have the clue :)

“Why Are You NOT Jealous?

Uh-oh...this picture might raise suspicion. It's whether the guy is jealous at the guy or the girl (if u know what I mean. *Lols)

Hahaahaahahahaha. It’s funny, right? It’s normal when people ask, “Why are you jealous?” And then when you are not jealous, then people come again and ask, “Why are you NOT jealous?

Omigawddd!! Haahahahaahhahaa. Now, can we ever stop at once and accept the beauty of things? *Lols

This thought just occured to me. If someone claims that he loves me, how come he’s not jealous when I get a bit more attention than what I should deserve? I talked to a guyfriend recently and he asked me, “Do you think it’s silly to feel jealous?” I answered, Hell No. He said, some of his friends thought that jealousy is silly. But I said, only when you become jealous that you know you feel more for the person. If you are hard to get jealous, Uh-Oh, that’s dangerous. You guys might send the wrong signal to your gf that you don’t love and care for her. Or maybe it’s just something in the blood. Some people are just hard to get jealous. Fullstop. Is that so?

I honestly hate it when I start to get jealous. Jealousy ties me up to an emotional attachment that sometimes I want to deny so much. Jealousy is like pulling me to a place before I’m even ready to go there. Something like that. I hate it when it comes uninvited. But luckily I’m not the kind who get jealous easily when I saw my friends are looking hotter than me or wear all the fancier things than what I could afford. Maybe because I also don’t dress up or colour my hair just to trigger jealousy in other people. I know some of my friends who get jealous because of stuff like that. I also believe that Jealousy is not your fault. Yes, I accept it that it’s in the blood. You know you shouldn’t feel jealous, but you still feel jealous, and you can’t help it. It’s your nature’s call.

But I do believe anyway that NO ONE is ever so safe from jealousy. Especially when you have a hearty thing going on with someone. You MUST feel jealous to verify that, Yes, there’s something hearty going on. If not, isn’t that strange? I must admit anyway that I’m used to having jealous boyfriends. Not enough with that, I also have had guyfriends who got jealous even when they don’t actually have a hearty thing going on with me. So, if a normal friend can feel that, why doesn’t a “more than normal” friend feel that? Which one do you prefer, ladies? A guy who gets jealous or who doesn’t?

I don’t know. To me, jealousy is not so cool but I need it as a security that he does care for me. Blame it on my former boyfriends cos they create the tradition that – 256, I’m not jealous until I’m in love with you. But is it fair for me to measure one’s affection from jealousy? Hahahaaha. I know it’s silly to ask that. But as funny as it gets, I believe that jealousy is here for a reason too. Maybe it should be put in the right place so it can make 2 close things – closer, and not make 2 close things break apart.

Anything too much is never good. So No Jealousy or Overly Jealous – both spell disaster, agree? Erkss. *giggles.

Purnama Yang Merindu Dan Dirindui…

If I ask you guys one question…entah u guys boleh jawab ka tidak. Do you find yourself to be in the place Who Miss or Who Is Missed? Merindu atau dirindui? Ahaa…Most likely, you guys never find out pun. You guys mana tau berapa ramai orang rindu kamu. Kamu cuma tau berapa ramai yg kamu rindu, itupun bukan kamurang kira juga kan? Hehehehehehe

Well, one thing for sure…Merindu ni sesuatu yang quite memedihkan. Especially merindui sesuatu yang dulunya ada, and then lepas tu tiada. Biarpun ketiadaan itu cuma sementara saja. Tapi asalkan namanya merindu, tetap juga pedih.

The other day, my youngest bro was sent off the airport, taking flight back to where he studies. Memang suddenly the house terasa a bit sunyi. But my bro made it easier for us cos he was not noisy enough to make us miss the noise that he made during the holidays. My sister said that nite, “Sunyi pula o kan?” – Aha…from the sound of her voice, I knew my sister missed my little brother’s presence in the house. Memang biasa macam tu lepas family members leave the house lepas satu holiday yang panjang. Kita miss dengar footsteps dorang turun tangga, or bunyi dorang memasak di dapur, or just bunyi the shower yang menunjukkan dorang sedang taking bath. All the simple things yg they did to make the difference in the house. Suddenly on the first day dorang suddenly tidak spend masa at the house, kita akan rasa sunyi dan seolah-olah something is missing. Kalau mau dilayan sangat perasaan tu, buli juga mengalir air mata ba kan. Hehehe

Then teringat satu kenangan masa kecil. I was very close with my sister when we were small. Like belangkas. Di mana ada dia, di situlah ada sia. Gaya kami pun lebih kurang sama, sama2 hyper. But my sister ni much adorable than me masa kami kecil. Sia teringat, ada sekali tu, she purposely ketuk2 tu kayu di batu and made a sound. She said that she wanted to make the sound so people remember her when she wasn’t around, for example when she pulang kampung, orang akan rindu dia. *Lols. Kici2 lagi sudah pandai saiko oo kan. Hahaahahahaha. Then, satu hari tu, my mom bawa dia and my bro balik kampung. So when sia bangun tidur, I saw a note my sister wrote. Dia letak di tempat tidur dia. Dia cakap “Babaii…sia pulang kampung dulu.” Masa tu sia nangis berabis teringat my sister. Hehehehe. Padahal balik kampung ja ba. Rasa rindu dan rasa kehilangan dan kesunyian tu ba. So not cool la the feeling. Bila tulis balik pun terasa mau keluar juga air mata. Biarpun cuma kenangan masa kecil saja and my sister now berada cuma di sebelah bilik ja. Hehehehehe.

My point is…Oleh kerana kita ni ada perasaan, memang kita nda akan lepas daripada merasa rindu. Dan merasa kepedihan perasaan rindu tu. Kadang2 macam kena hiris nipis2 ja tu hempedu kamurang that. *Lols. The feeling memang tidak best. Tapi, feeling tu menunjukkan yang hati dan jantung kamu berfungsi dengan baik. Hehehehe.

Sia sendiri pun banyak kali miss dengan orang. Sia lagi ni yg si tukang nangis…sikit2 rindu pun mau nangis. Pedih. Memang pedih. Then pasal tu la…sia rasa sia nda mau terlampau sangat layan kerinduan dengan orang. Paling senang adalah build A GAP supaya jangan sampai diri tu menjadi hamba dengan kerinduan. Yes, I know that missing someone is not a bad thing. But gara2 merindu, kerja pun boleh terbengkalai. Asyik melayan rindu. Kerja pun tidak terbuat. I don’t like that. Suddenly I started to see “missing someone” as satu weakness. The more you let yourself miss someone, the weaker you are. Sebab suddenly your emotion is ruled by the person that you miss. Tiba2 orang tu call you, u baru dapat energy you. If dia tidak call you dalam seminggu, silap2 u jadi macam tu sotong kering ba guys. U jadi tidak bermaya. Muka nda berseri. Asyik biut ja muka u guys tu. Hehehehehe. Rupanya dalam hati terasa rindu yang teramat sangat. It’s a weakness, agree?

I have to learn to be a little heartless. Bukan sia nda sayang, but sia memang anggap “kerinduan” tu cuma melemahkan sia. My emosi akan terganggu. My work banyak help me untuk tidak melayan perasaan rindu2 macam tu. Sebab menjadi seorang yang cengeng ni memang mencabar. U kena buat extra work untuk put a shield supaya u are stronger. Sebab once the tears keluar, memang itulah segala-gala kelemahan yang cuba disembunyikan selama ni. It makes me feel as if kematangan tidak memberikan sebarang hasil pada sia kalau sia tidak boleh get in control of my emotion. So untuk tidak terbawa-bawa dengan kerinduan adalah satu petanda yang bagus. Sia anggap bahawa how we handle perkara ni adalah menunjukkan yang kita boleh mengawal perasaan, dan kalau kita boleh kawal perasaan, banyak benda yang kita boleh buat dengan baik. Sebab, hal2 emosi ni yang biasanya yang menjadi gangguan utama kita ba kan.

Apa pun…Rindu merindu ni best juga ba. Cos when you rindu, u sure akan lebih hargai kehadiran orang tu the next time he’s around. Maybe juga dengan perasaan rindu ni, manusia akan lebih menghargai sesama sendiri dan tidak ambil lewa saja masa2 yang dorang spend with each other. And actually Rindu ni sebenarnya mengeratkan lagi ikatan yang ada tu kan. Heheheehehehe. So, sekali sekala menjadi Purnama yang merindu, apa salahnya.

Tapi yang lebih best adalah bila menjadi Purnama yang dirindu. Sebab when ada orang bagitau you that dorang miss you, baru kita tau yg kehadiran kita dalam hidup dorang ni sebenarnya ada kesan juga. If someone tells me that, walaupun sia tidak akan percaya sangat, tapi I feel good inside. Apa lagi kalau orang ingat semua gelak-ketawa kau, lawak jenaka kau –sedangkan kau rasa benda tu semua seimbas lalu ja.

Suka atau tidak, RINDU is satu perasaan yang menghubungkan sesama manusia. Walaupun pedih, tapi sekali sekala layan rindu pun best juga. Tambah kita rindu, tambah kita sayang. Betul ka tidak? So sekali sekala merindu tu apa salahnya kan. Heheheehe. Layan ja laaa…

Note: Kalau rindu sampai nangis2 tu, pandai2 la lap air mata sendiri ah guys… *Lols

The Demanding Girlfriend

I remember talking to my bestfriend when she was caught in triangle love between two men. One man was a special boyfriend and the other one was an old classmate who always had a crush on her. My friend was in love with her boyfriend, and the other guyfriend was showing a lot of affection to my friend since college years. My friend knew that the guyfriend still put hopes on her.

My friend was one example of a very demanding girlfriend, I must say. It was actually the first time that I heard a lady speaks of how firmly she wanted to be treated as a special girlfriend. Because the boyfriend was working in Peninsular, my friend was always accompanied by the guyfriend who would do anything to win her heart. I could say that my friend was starting to have “a second thought” especially when the boyfriend didn’t care much about special occasions. The other guy was gradually winning her attention.

I remember hearing her commenting on her situation. I remember feeling a bit suspicious about my friend’s stand. I mean, her boyfriend might not be there all the way, but since he was the boyfriend, she shouldn’t just simply punish him for that. It shouldn’t be an easy excuse for my friend to just change her heart.

“I don’t know what’s with him. Even if he’s far, he must at least send me a flower or maybe fly here to surprise me – Do Anything just as long as he does something to show me that he cares. He Must Keep Me Excited if he wants me to stay. He cannot stop “trying” when he’s already my boyfriend. He must still do something to let me know that I’m special”

Then I thought, “Wow…that’s very demanding!”

My friend said that when she told that to the boyfriend, the boyfriend answered, “Don’t hope for special treatments from me. I’m not good with that.”

Guess what? She wasn’t kidding. She really dumped her boyfriend not long after for the old classmate who could provide her with all the “excitements” that she wanted. Finally she didn’t mind picking “an easy catch” to a big jaws…just as long as the guy is willing to put extra effort to show her that he cares.

Another female friend spoke to me. She was another case. She has boyfriends all over the place. I tell you, I think I should learn from them. *Lols. She told me, she has a condition for every guy who wants to be her boyfriend. “He MUST call or sms me EVERYDAY.” If he misses a day or two with an excuse, I would forgive. But if it reaches one week without call or sms, automatically he’s not my boyfriend anymore.”

Then again, I was, “Ahh? Ouch!”

Oh well, That’s Very Demanding. Hahaahahaha Most of these ladies who are fit to be called A Demanding Girlfriend are usually those who are “the ladies on demand” where at least 2 men are craving for their love. So no wonder they become that demanding right?

Or else…maybe we don’t need to be popular to be demanding. Maybe this is exactly what we should do, don’t you think so?

To the men…don’t you think we, as the most special lady in your life, should demand for a special treatment from you? Don’t you think when you are late you should explain to us why? Don’t you think you should feel guilty when you don’t return our call or reply our sms? Don’t you think you should soft-talk us when there’s something that you want to speak to us, even if it’s the simplest matter of “don’t wear that dress in public”? Don’t you think we deserve more respect, that you can’t simply raise your voice and accuse us doing something we don’t do? I mean, the way you do things to other people, don’t you think we deserve to be treated slightly better? If we sulk or pout, don’t you think you should do something to coax us and make us smile again and tell us that everything is not as bad as we thought? Isn’t being your special girlfriend is an enough reason to demand for all that?

Then after this, hopefully you don’t complain to us why we ask for too much. As a matter of fact, I don’t think we ask for too much. We deserve to be asking it all to begin with. If we can’t even ask to be treated more special than normal, what’s the point of being the most special lady in your life?

Fair enough? *giggles.

Note: Treat Your Girlfriend Good, Ok?

"I Still Love You"

Semalam, ada sorang kawan perempuan sia ni SMS sia. Semalam tu adalah hari pernikahan jejaka idaman dia. Dia sempat lagi ada affair dengan that guy a few months ago. Masing2 ada tunang. So gara2 terikat dengan komitment masing2, byk hati yg mau dijaga, akhirnya dorang terpaksa cuba lepaskan sesama sendiri.

Masing2 sayang menyayangi…spent time together, and then had to let each other go. Ini semua gara2 lelaki tu yg nda cukup satu. Pegi goda tunang orang, sedangkan sendiri pun sudah bertunang. And then…mula la menyalahkan takdir. Well, sometimes memang silap sendiri kan?

So semalam, lelaki tu finally bernikah sama tunang dia yang dia lebih dulu jumpa daripada kawan sia ni. Dorang masih sempat cakap di telefon. Cara dorang ni, seolah-olah yang lelaki tu mau “jalan” sudah. *Lols. You guys sedar that? Kadang2 perkahwinan orang yang kita sayang-but-we-can’t-be-together-with, seolah-olah adalah Noktah. Almost like, A Goodbye, pergi yang nda akan balik2 lagi. Hahahaahahaha. Lucu pula.

So dorang ni sempat juga la bercakap di phone dan mengucapkan “kata2 akhir” sebelum yang si lelaki tu akad nikah. Sia paham apa kawan sia rasa. Dia bagitau sia dia menangis juga sebab teringat balik semua kenangan dorang. Dan yang buat dia tambah sayu, the guy sempat cakap, “I Still Love You.”

Doiii???

Hahaahahahahahaha. Okay [256], don’t be rude. I know the guy, I know the girl. So I know apa cerita dorang ni. Sia ada reason untuk ketawa kalau sia dengar benda2 macam tu keluar dari mulut lelaki tu. Lelaki tu buaya darat gigi tembaga ba guys. Hahahahaahaha. Ayat2 cinta tu semua macam teda ja sama dia. Dia suka2 ja main tabur2 like that…sedangkan perempuan yg dengar tu bukan main lagi sampai nda tidur malam. Sedangkan dia mau nikah sudah pun dia masih lagi cakap benda tu dengan perempuan lain. Ada nilai ka love tu sama dia ni?You guys know apa sia cakap dengan kawan sia?

“Sia pun buli cakap ba macam tu!! Lagi hebat punya pun sia buli cakap. Apa juga, setakat cakap. Budak kici pun buli.” (Hahaahahahahahahahahaha)

Sia geram sebab kawan sia ni nda pandai serik2. Sudah pun dia tau tu lelaki playboy, masih lagi dia nda serik. InilaH kalau hati sudah suka. Memang payah. My question is…

Kalau cinta sayang setakat di mulut, apa juga kan? Kalau kau betul2 cinta, dari awal u fight for it ba. Both pun belum kawin masa jumpa dulu. Semuanya belum terlambat pun. But nothing changed juga. Still juga that guy hanya tau cakap manis ja. Untuk kasi pujuk hati kawan sia tu, dia cakap dia mau buat kawan sia jadi bini number dua. Suka2 ja cakap kan. Sudah2 la drama ni semua.

Apa pun…mungkin sia tidak patut cakap macam tu. Sepa tau dalam hati dorang tu kan? Come to think about it…Marriage ni belum pun ending kepada cerita dorang ni ba. Though sia tidak sokong kecurangan rumah tangga, but it won’t change anything, right? Kalau orang mau curang, dia still akan curang, right? So rasa lucu pula bila dorang cakap macam seolah-olah lelaki tu mau jalan yg nda akan balik2 lagi. Heheheehehe. Seolah-olah itu adalah phonecall yg terakhir. Padahal…lepas tu akad nikah pun dia masih boleh dial number tu perempuan and sambung cerita! Hahahahahahaha.

My point is… semuanya ada pada hati ba. Daripada apa yang kita tengok berlaku di dunia sekarang ni, pertunangan, perkahwinan, dan semua ikatan2 ni, looks like makeover pula. Semua mekap2 saja. Dalam hati tu lain. Kalau dia kawin berapa puluh kali pun, kalau hati tidak jujur mau cinta pasangan, kejadiannya tetap sama. Maybe we should kurangkan cerita2 ni.

Try to be with the one who you love and loves you, The Most.

Mungkin harap2 kita ble kembalikan the sacredness of wedding vows ni kan. :)

Note: So u heard someone saying “I still love you” to you on his wedding day? Freaking kidding me. Who cares what you say. It’s about what you do. Biar la cinta dia sebesar mana, but look – he’s marrying someone else. So u guys pikir la sendiri. Don’t toy too much with feelings ba. Sudah2 la tu.

Maybe It's Just Destiny...

You guys percaya sama takdir and ketentuan? It means perkara2 yang sudah ditentukan sejak azali. Something yang kita tidak mampu ubah even macamana pun kita wish kita boleh ubah.

It can be tough to understand. Sometimes you’re using your ultimate wisdom to see and calculate that yes, this sure gonna work. Science must work. Reasoning must work. If everything is in place, IT SHOULD WORK! Isn’t that how it works around here? If we have enough reasons for something to happen, plus with the right circumstances, it Must happen right then and there.

Tapi bolehkah kalau sia cakap, semua reasoning dianggap void kalau something memang sudah ditakdirkan? Ada benda2 yang memang kita tidak dapat ubah. Dan sekiranya something like that bump into our lives, dan it’s put in a position that it’s going to hurt us very badly, at least you know that this is what they call Ketentuan. This something is nothing new. This isn’t passed by the aliens from Mars the last nite when they landed secretly in your backyard. This is here even before we were born. So this is not just happen to teach you a lesson that You’ve been bad, this is your punishment. Nope. I believe that if you call that takdir, it doesn’t matter if you have committed your whole life for other people’s welfare, cos if it’s written in your destiny that this gonna happen, it will happen.

I remember when my boyfriend (now my ex) was so nice to me. He was so kind and loyal. His every day was dedicated to me. Like every morning when he woke up, he must talk to me first and before he went to bed, he must also talked to me and then only he considered his day complete. I became The Purpose in his everyday’s life. Everything he did, he always included me. If he talked to his workmates, he talked about me. When he saw a customer coming that has pretty much my resemblance, he thought of me. It was such a devotion. From this devotion alone, you know this guy did his level best to dedicate his life, his heart – for the only girl that he loved. From how he loved his girlfriend, he deserved to get the best respect any girl could ever give to a man. It was almost not found in this age of infidelity. So…does it take a genius to say, that this man deserves many good things in his life – but if life wasn’t generous enough, then at least, this man deserved to get the same affection from his girlfriend, agree?

I, as his girlfriend that time…what was I doing? Knowing that I have a boyfriend like that, don’t you think it’s like an answered prayer? I bet any girl would want to be in my place. He might not be so rich, but he was very good looking, he was very gentle and he was the kind of man who would stop and greet you, or help you with your stuff even if he didn’t know you. In other words, you don’t have to be his girlfriend to know that he’s very courteous and warm. But, it might be too much if we say that he deserved a place in heaven, but can I say that nobody would deny if he at least deserved to be Loved by me, just as much? He has been proving his worth. Not only to me, but to the people around him. So, using all our calculation, humanity virtues and theories of “what you give, you get back” – don’t you think AT LEAST he deserved to be loved that much too by his girlfriend? Yeah, it was like that.

Look at me that time. I wasn’t a bad girl at all. I could say that I was born to be loyal to my man. I never gave myself the option to have wandering eyes. For me, once I gave my word, I will keep it. That’s what I thought. I thought my parents thought me enough how to tell good from bad. And even if I failed as a learner, at least I was not stupid enough to not know that a guy like him was hard to find. Given the circumstances that I wasn’t demanded an extra sweat to love him – I should be in the right position to love him back. I give you guys enough reasoning how and why things should be as what we both planned. To be in love and fight our ways to prove that we were each other’s soulmate.

Yup people. Who would have guessed, even that was NOT good enough to Rewrite the destiny. Nothing is ever good enough to create a new version of destiny that we request. Because as most of us have accepted, Destiny is written before our lives even begin to unfold. So you can kill someone, or you can even kill yourself – to protest why Destiny is written in such a way that hurt you, but there’s nothing we can do about it. Because it’s written in destiny that he and I were not meant to be, suddenly life was giving me the excuse to stray from our mission. Suddenly life had pushed me to another direction so that I could start living that destiny. You thought I was insane to know that I shouldn’t betray my boyfriend? You thought I was heartless? No I wasn’t. But like I always tell you, life has a way to tell us when things are not meant to be.

Before I knew, I was in love with a new guy without the knowledge of the loving boyfriend. You thought I was a bad person? No I wasn’t. You thought I was purposely trying to fall in love with a new guy that has all the better qualities? You are wrong. My good judgment told me that this new guy wasn’t anything near my boyfriend. I could still name in many ways why my boyfriend was better than the new guy, but since this is Destiny, I could strangle or hang myself to near death, but still, you could not make me love my boyfriend back – even after you present to me all the reasoning you can list using your science theory.

My heart was crushed because THIS WASN’T HOW it should be. I knew it too. Something really screwed up because my good judgment told me I should be with my boyfriend, but WHY was I there, experiencing a totally greater experience being in love with a new guy without the knowledge of my boyfriend? So you know, I don’t care what logic you are using, but what I know my body and mind was in the opposite direction of what that logic could be.

So I recalled one nite, when both elements were claiming right over my body, I thought I almost exploded because I could not understand my action. “Why should I be in this situation? I could have been peacefully in love with my boyfriend.” And then I cried so so hard trying to express “My Frustration” because I knew it was not right, but it was still what I thought was the best for me to do. I thought that if I used only my humanly good judgment, I wouldn’t be there. But then I realized. I could only try so hard to do what’s best, but we don’t live totally on our good judgment alone. Sometimes the forces of nature do take part in this and our humanly weaknesses are sometimes just an excuse for some unexplained decision that we take. Destiny is that powerful.

I write all this, just to let you guys realize that when you fought so hard for something that you thought you deserve, and still you were not good enough to get it, this could be the act of Destiny. It’s not because you’re not good enough, it’s not because you have been bad before and karma is getting back at you, and it’s not because of all that…

Please don’t lose your battle if this happens to you. To be fair, something much greater is about to take place in your life, so something less good has to go. Just put it that way. I saw it happened to someone before, so I know if it could be a little too painful, but you’ll be thankful that it happened. Before you know, Destiny is written in way that God knows what’s best for you.

Or at least, that’s what I tell myself. Cos I can choose to grieve, I can choose to blame, I can choose to curse – but what for? Then I just find the magical purpose behind that Destiny. You guys should too.

Be Strong. And Trust in a greater power up there – He knows what He’s doing. :)

“Ridiculous Years Spent With You…”

Do you believe that the longer the relationship is, the better?

We heard all the ridiculous years people spent being in relationship and in many cases, the partner in crime in that long relationship isn’t the one they walk the aisle with. I think it’s the right question to ask if all the years actually matter to a relationship that works? I mean, 1 year? That’s not long enough baby. You need more than that. 2 years? Aha, that sounds better. But try more. 5 years? Yup…that sounds like you guys are now totally connected to each other. Freaking kidding me. You’ve worked your bump off in the freaking 5 years, to make a relationship work, just to see it all come crushing down. How come? So cut the crap. Sorry to say, maybe you should slow down on the math. Maybe numbers don’t work around here people. What do you say?

People who have walked into a relationship with a big smile and walked out with tears, after spending so many years growing love and affection, understand what I’m talking about. Suddenly the numbers become irrelevant. To hell with 5 years! We are not here to race who can sustain to be in a relationship the longest – cos at the end of the day, if something goes wrong, the years are exactly how long you’ve been stupid. Erkss!!

Maybe there’s a reason why even the church suggests that the period of engagement should be around 1 year and then the couple should get married. From what I read, it’s to ensure that the love doesn’t fade away and logically, both are still so fired up with each other. Anyway, I find the way to agree that the first year of a relationship is actually the most beautiful. If you keep it longer, it will still sweet but not as much. So imagine if you reach to the 4th year, some part of the relationship might already be missing. What??? “After all the ridiculous years spent with you, all I got is a handicapped relationship??” *Lols.

So don’t buy the numbers, people. Do you believe when I say that a 6-month relationship could be more meaningful than a 6-year relationship? If both of you know what you want, and know how to cherish and spend every moment, you can reach the magic of feeling closely connected with each other even if 6 months are considered still early. Nothing is still too early if you know how to do it right, hit it right. If you are in a 6 years relationship, but 3 years spent being away, 2 years spent arguing, and 1 year spent cheating on each other – that’s how ridiculous it can be. All the large numbers don’t represent the time really spent with each other.

Do you hear cases where people spent in a relationship for even 11 years and when they finally got married, they divorced in less than 1 year. Omigawddd!!! Where all the numbers gone, people? So because I learnt from all this, I believe in Quality and not Quantity. I don’t believe that I need time to love and let my partner love me by giving each other years to really find “that kind of connection”. My style of doing it is getting more casual and simpler now. If you can’t connect with me in 1 month, you are off the hook. Real chemistry doesn’t take long to happen. We can’t force chemistry to happen. So if we find this kind of rare chemistry, we should cherish it. You don’t find it all the time, my friends. I tell you, I do my little study case all the time. My new encounter with people and why I treat them more special than the rest – I want to know the reason behind that. I believe that FATE put us in certain position, and others who come along the way might not fit in well. But when we find one who is also put in the position to match correctly with ours, this is when the magic happens. You find out that connection happens so fast. Not just because you guys purposely try to see if things can work from there, but everything about you just accommodate the other person’s needs, without even trying. Yeah, without even trying. You and your life, are just in right position to fit well with the other person. Now when this happens, something good will usually follow.

So people who have learnt the hard way about “years in the relationship is just a number”, don’t usually wait when they already find someone who they can fit it well. They don’t wait until the years do something bad to them. This could be the reason why you hear people who just got hooked up, got married months later and still be happy. Cos they know, to find one person who can accommodate you effortlessly, ISN’T easy. But there’s a wisdom one should wear in order to make this magic works. It must be done with the intention of finding the most ideal one – believing that although magic sparks do happen, both have the responsibility to sustain this magic.

Usually, fast love that fails always blame it on the word “fast”. Because they do it fast, it also leaves fast. That is because some people don’t have rules. You must have rules when you do anything. If it’s entirely on lust and physical, yeah, you can expect it to ruin as fast as it builds. Get the concept right before you proceed. If not, I tell you, it’s not the word “Fast” that you should blame, it’s YOU that you should blame. Because if you don’t get the concept right, you can spend all the ridiculous years with each other and still get the same result. Just that, this time you allow yourself to be stupid longer.

And one more thing. I still believe that we do find people that we like, we admire and we want to be with, but most of the time, they are not made for us. So all the years is like practically “forcing” the fate to make these people fit in to be with us. So can we force the fate? Maybe if we have this wisdom, we won’t have to feel stupid anymore. We won’t have to force the fate. Learn it on first hand if this should be given a go, or not. If not, move on. I surely don’t want to wait years just to accept that he’s not the one for me. Whoaa…that’s so tiring. No thanks. *Sighs.

So maybe you should listen to your heart, once in a while. But first, it must go along with wisdom. Anything without wisdom will cause stupid failure. So when I hear that people broke up from a long relationship, I learn it each time that this isn’t about how long, but how good. So if you find your match, go for it. You don’t need ridiculous years to give you security that he/she’s the right one for you. Just follow where that spark is taking you. It could take you to the love paradise of your dream in no time. I don’t know. You find out. *giggles.

"Kisah Kek Tiramisu"

Ternampak satu kontainer eskrim di esbok, tertulis perisa tiramisu, suddenly teringat this story. Kisah cinta2 zaman dulu kala milik seorang yang dikenali. Sepa sangka gara2 terjumpa ternampak perkataan Tiramisu tu saja pun, boleh terpanggil balik cerita dulu2. Memang unik betul kejadian Tuhan ni kan?

Ini cerita pasal satu couple. Kisah dorang ni sometimes cute, sometimes bikin meradang, sometimes bikin ketawa, dan sometimes mengharukan juga. Macam2 rintangan yang dorang kena tempuhi dari awal lagi. I could tell yang they fought so hard to make that relationship work. Nda disangka pula Tiramisu ni masuk dalam cerita dorang. Cakap pasal kek, mesti berkaitan dengan birthday ni kan? Ya, memang pun.

Perempuan tu cakap…birthday tahun tu adalah birthday yang ke-3 sejak dorang couple. Boyfriend dia ni jenis yang sangat2 loving dan romantic tahap gaban. Memang boyf dia ni one of a kind yang sangat sayang dengan girlf dia and memang seorang yang sangat giving. One of the tradition yg boyf dia set setiap tahun adalah dia MUST call girlfriend dia tepat jam 12 midnite, to be the first person yg ucap dia Happy Birthday. Whether it’s Valentine’s or Anniversary, memang boyf dia akan buat macam tu.

Speaking of the relationship…dorang ni pun menghadapi cabaran juga bila tempoh hubungan tu semakin meningkat. Biasalah kalau timbul persoalan sama ada perasaan tu masih sama or not. Dalam hubungan ni, biasalah lelaki akan full blast dulu and then slowing down semakin lama usia hubungan tu. Perempuan pula sebaliknya. Semakin lama semakin sayang. But dalam kes hubungan dorang tu, perempuan tu sudah biasa dimanja dengan macam2 acts of love dari boyf dia. Walaupun dorang kena berjauhan, but boyf dia ni betul2 committed dengan his girlf biarpun dia habis banyak duit untuk sentiasa make her felt loved and cared.

But biasalah kalau langit tidak selalu cerah. That girl pun paham juga dengan situasi boyf dia. She paham yang style boyf dia tu hanya akan menyusahkan diri sendiri sebab dia suka tunjukkan kasih sayang dengan guna wang ringgit, sedangkan secara realisticnya dia kena save up for future. So untuk tu, girlf dia ni selalu cakap dengan boyf dia yang dorang jangan bagi2 hadiah lagi. Enough dengan wish ja or just a nice card. So the 3rd year, dorang mulakan dengan tradisi tidak tukar hadiah. But girlf dia pastikan yang dorang masih rasa disayangi biarpun tanpa hadiah.

But girlf dia ni sentiasa concerned perubahan yang dialami oleh boyf dia tu. Dia mula nampak layanan yang tidak sama, tapi boyf dia tetap buat benda2 yang sama like calling her everyday. So girlf dia ni mau jadikan birthday dia tahun tu sebagai PENUNJUK or indicator sama ada boyf dia ni sudah berubah atau tidak. Dia tidak expect banyak pun. Asalkan boyf dia masih amalkan tradisi call masa midnite tu. So the girl cakap dia betul2 berdebar tunggu hari tu. Dia jadikan hari tu sebagai titik penentuan sama ada boyf dia masih sayang dia macam dulu atau tidak.

The day came…so the girl langsung tidak ingatkan the boyf tentang birthday dia tu. Dia mau tengok sama ada boyf dia ingat ka inda. So akhirnya malam tu, tepat jam 11 malam, boyfriend dia tu SMS dia. Dia finally wish Happy Birthday untuk girlf dia tu. Boyf dia cakap dia wish awal2 takut tertidur, nanti terlepas pula. Hepi bukan main lagi that girl. Dia confirm yang boyf dia ingat bday dia. But dia nda puas hati selagi nda sampai jam 12 midnite. And then, mana pernah setakat main SMS wish. Biasanya he akan call. So the girl assumed yang jam 11 tu bukan final. So dia tidak jawab SMS tu. Dia tunggu juga jam 12 tengah malam. Akhirnya jam 12 tengah malam tiba… dan berakhir begitu saja. No phonecall yang dinanti-nantikan itu.

That girl betul2 kecil hati. Sangat2 kecil hati. Dia tidur dengan hati yang merajuk. “He doesn’t love me the same anymore”, itu yg dia pikir. So esoknya, boyf dia call awal2 pagi. The girl tidak angkat. Hati dia betul2 merajuk. Dan yang lebih teruk, the girl actually menangis tengok that phone rang and saw nama boyf dia di screen. Dia mau angkat tapi dia betul2 kecil hati. Dia tidak dapat angkat the phone sebab she knew she wasn’t a good actress untuk hide perasaan dia yang terguris.

The whole day, the boyf asyik ring saja the phone and the girl langsung tidak angkat. The whole day untuk hari tu, iaitu hari jadi dia…dia langsung tidak bercakap dengan boyf dia tu. Sampai begitu sekali dia merajuk. Bukannya pasal tiada hadiah. Bukannya pasal apa2 pun. Dia cuma merajuk kerana panggilan 12 midnite yang dia tidak terima dari boyfriend dia untuk bday dia tu. Actually HANYA kerana itu!

So the second day after the bday, the boyf call2 lagi balik2 sampai the whole day. The girl langsung tidak angkat. Luka dia masih parah. Then berkali-kali la juga dia sms. “Why? Have I done anything wrong to you, dear?” But the girl jawab sekali ja, “It’s not about you, it’s about me. Don’t worry.” The boyf tidak puas hati. Dia call juga balik2. Maybe dia heran why girlf dia jadi mcm tu. Lagipun dorang sudah cakap yang tidak payah tukar hadiah untuk bday tahun tu. Memang dia sangat confuse masa tu.

Akhirnya, pada hari ke-3, esoknya ada delivery sampai di depan. It was satu kotak kek. The cake was bought from Hyatt sebab judging from the printing of the box. The girl terkejut separuh gila tengok kek tu. Pada tahun2 sebelumnya, memang boyf dia tu tidak lepas belikan kek untuk bday dia. So sepa sangka, biarpun dia tidak menharap or menjangkakan sebarang hadiah tahun tu, akhirnya ada juga kek yg datang.

Dia open the box, and saw a big lovely cake. Dia tau kek tu mesti mahal sebab design dia lain dari yg lain. The girl terus nangis dengan begitu hardnya sebab perasaan yang bercampur-campur dalam hati dan pikirannya. Dia nangis sebab sedih sebab dia merajuk dan kecil hati dengan boyf dia sedangkan boyf dia langsung tidak tau kenapa. Dan dia tidak dapat overcome perasaan tu biarpun puncanya adalah hanya kerana boyf dia wish dia guna SMS, 1 jam lebih awal dari yang dia expect. Dia potong kek tu dan dia makan main telan2 saja tanpa peduli kek tu sedap ka tidak. Perisa kek tu “weird” untuk dia sebab tu bukan kek yg dia biasa makan. And this time, dia paksa diri makan the cake, biarpun dia rasa kek tu tidak sedap. Yang dia tau, boyf dia susah2 beli kek tu untuk dihantar pada dia, sedangkan boyf dia berada beribu batu jauhnya. Imagine kesusahan yg dilalui oleh boyf dia hanya untuk make sure a cake akan dihantar ke tempat girlf dia tu secepat mungkin. Ternyata boyf dia pikir dia merajuk sebab tiada hadiah untuk bday dia tahun tu, so kek itu adalah untuk memujuk dia dan buat dia smile again. Sayu juga hati that girl bila pikir yang boyf dia anggap mcm tu. Sedangkan dia tidak pedulikan hal2 material. Dia cuma mau attention yg dia pernah dapat dari boyf dia tu.

Masa dia telan kek Tiramisu tu, dia tidak tau how to describe feeling dia. Dia dapat rasa boyf dia masih sayang dengan dia, tapi dia tidak deny yang boyf dia tidak layan dia sebaik dulu, sebab perkara PALING SIMPLE pun dia tidak larat mau buat, iaitu stay up sampai jam 12 malam untuk call and wish dia, seperti tahun2 sebelumnya. Dia tau feeling yang dia alami tu actually sangat silly. But that feeling of “not loved as much” yang betul2 dia tidak dapat overcome semudah tu. Biarpun boyf dia cuba deny dengan bagi dia kek tiramisu tu, dia tidak dapat sembunyikan kebenaran bahawa “it’s never the same” like before.

So kek Tiramisu tu la menjadi saksi kepada pergolakan perasaan seorang perempuan yang masih bercongak sama ada boyf dia tu masih sayang dia seperti dulu atau tidak. Dia cuma kasi tinggal a small slice untuk bagi dengan orang lain, yg selebihnya dia main telan ja sampailah kek tu akhirnya habis dalam masa beberapa hari selepas tu. Dia mau pretend yg the kek akan change something, but deep inside she knew, it didn’t. Dia kasi puas hati dia dengan makan sebanyak mungkin untuk show her appreciation to the boyfriend, and show to him yang she loved him so so much hinggakan dia susah mau accept kelukaan yg biarpun sekecil mana.

Lepas seminggu, barulah that girl ready sambut call boyf dia tu. "Did you like the cake?" The girl said, "Okay2 juga la. Strange oh rasa dia." "It's a Tiramisu my dear." She answered, "Oh okay. Nevermind. Biarpun the taste strange, I eat juga sampai habis." Lebih kurang macam tu la perbualan dorang. Masing2 simpan soalan yang tidak terjawab. The guy never brought up the question why the girl tidak angkat the phone for 1 week. The girl never explained. They just carried on sebaik yg mungkin, biarpun perkara tu sebenarnya mengubah banyak perkara.

Kek tiramisu itu adalah simboliknya adalah satu “perjuangan” cinta yang masih ingin diteruskan oleh pasangan ni, biarpun elemen2 luar yang dicipta oleh macam2 dugaan masa dan jarak yang menyebabkan kedua-dua dorang ni mencari2 sama ada hubungan dorang tu masih sama, atau pun bertambah kuat, ataupun sebaliknya. Ini yg mungkin dilalui oleh ramai pasangan bercinta di luar sana.

We try to hide the defects of our relationship by giving something meaningful to the person we love, thinking that we can use it to deny that things are not exactly the same again. One thing that we all should know is that… materials are something that we can see and buy using money, but the real thing happens here (/me points at where the heart is) so when love fades or gone, it’s not by a freaking diamond can change the fact, let alone a Tiramisu cake. But at least they tried and fought for it :)] After all said and done, Finally the couple separated anyway. With tears and bleeding heart. But then the Tiramisu cake will always remain in good memory to mark the very last attempt for them to save their relationship from running its course. To fight and lose is only the second best after fighting and win. :)

The Art Of Falling In Love

We all know that people say love is blind. But don’t you think that it’s you who make it blind?

Recently, I had a chat with a friend. He told me about his very short love encounter. It was very brief, like it’s over before it was even started. I asked him about the girl. He didn’t even know her age, and he only saw one pic of her. Oh my…how can you already fall in love? It appears that I know about the girl, much better than him. Even though the girl was just an acquaintant that I had short chat with a few times. My Oh My. Why make it sound like “Falling in love” is that easy?

To me, it’s a degradation of Love. It’s not even falling in love. It’s just entertaining funny thought of, “hey let’s just try it out. This looks like fun from here.” No! You guys can’t do that. Know the person well before you even think about falling in love. I mean, I can’t stop you guys but at least I remind you before you do another silly thing that you would feel embarrassed to remember, or worse yet…add another into you Regrets List. Do you want that to happen?

Anyway, I find that much more convenient than putting it too hard on yourself. That could be even worse. I mean, when you are so particular about things before you want to fall in love, chances are you might never fall in love. That’s even pity!! Hahahaahahahaha.

But my point is…at least Love for the right reasons. As funny as it is, do you guys believe that, one of the reasons that I haven’t told you why I pick this nick Twofivesix[256] as my online identity is because I don’t want anyone to fall in love with me just because of my freaking nick!!! (Hahahaahahahahahahahahaha). True. It’s funny here in the virtual world. People fall in love Blindly. I certainly don’t want to be part of this funny stories anymore. If I use a very cute and girly nick, people will build impression around it. People would think, hey this lady must be as cute as the nick, so on and so forth. And suddenly starts to feel that tingle inside them, as if they have already fallen for me (YeaHH…suddenly they dream of my cute nick smiling and giggling—Oh my, I’m in love with her!!)

HAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Stop it!!!

My point is, virtual or reality, love is still love. Crush is still crush. If you want to just have fun, it’s okay. You do your way. But don’t break a heart, don’t make someone cry – just because you love for the wrong reason. I mean, do this for yourself. Practice good judgment. I won’t let myself have a crush on someone just because of a cute nick, as much as I don’t think anybody would fall for a nick like [256]?? Haahahahahaahahhahaaha. Come on guys. Know your friend a little better, build good chemistry and maybe something can come from there. At least, give a value to “falling in love”.

Well, who am I to speak. I don’t know much about it too. Maybe the rest of you know better

It’s been a while since the last time I fell in love. Sometimes I wish that falling in love is that easy. But again…Love for the right reasons okay?

Ok good. That’s a lesson for today. Hehehehe

Note: My expected post is still pending. I’m just writing this very short and quick one. I need to finish some work today and tomorrow, only then I will have time to sit and spend quality time to write about a more heavy topic. See ya guys around. Muahssss