Justice For You….

People always say, What you give you get back. People often speak of Karma. I don’t understand why people have to ruin their lives on the things that don’t work out for them. I don’t understand why we keep waiting for the people who don’t even care to come back. I don’t understand why we keep hoping for the love that has gone away and I don’t understand why we torture ourselves too much buy trying to give to those who don’t ask, and ask for things from those who don’t want to give. We need to change from here. Enough is enough. Let’s do ourselves justice. Justice should serve NOW!!

Why should trap our bird pet to stay in the cage when freedom is all it wants? Why do we have to wet our pillows thinking about the love that has gone when there are many worthy people who would appreciate that love? WHY?

Do I need to be on my knees to fight for what I want? To lose the last piece of my pride? To bring down my self value and be a beggar? Didn’t the history see it all already? Do we need more histories to be written that way? Are we people need to be looked like a pity when we keep bringing ourselves down when we can actually bring it up? WHY are we doing it this way??? WHY????

I bet you people also don’t understand. You don’t understand why is it so hard for other people to appreciate good deeds that you do for them. You people don’t understand why the people u love cannot see the value of your sacrifices. You people don’t understand why your heart has to be crushed like that when you give 110% of yourself to make them see how much you care for them. Don’t you guys realize how long we have been living in a world full of injustice?

Despite all that, I’m looking for a solution. I can’t let this happen again. If you guys have the guts to speak about Justice, then be the first one to practice it. If people treat you the way you don’t deserve, Fine…Just give them back the same dose. If people waste your love on them, Fine…then cease to love them. If people lie to you…Fine…Then don’t offer the truth. If people are disloyal to you…Fine, take back your loyalty.

I won’t beg. I won’t try to change anyone. This isn’t in the name of payback but take this as my last piece of love to teach you back How to live a life. If you want so much, you must be willing to give so much. If you want respect, give it first. If you want that love back, EARN IT!! I don’t see why I need to feel guilty when people don’t feel guilty doing it to me in the first place. Call me a robot, call my heart a stone – cos I’ll be more worried about the people who just expect things to unfold nicely for them cos “I sweat my soul out just to have one happy moment. Nobody is going to treat you like a baby. Make that freaking grown-up now and one day you’ll be happy someone told you so. And the next time you know, you’re telling someone the exact thing I’m telling you.

I believe in Justice. I just want justice for myself, as much as justice for the people I love and the people who love me. I just want you to get Justice for You. Make Justice Work for you. Do something good to get something good. As simple as that. :)

Do You Often Say “I’m Bored”?

I often hear my friends said, “Boringnyaaa”…and everytime they said that, I gave them this stare of, “I don’t get it.” I really don’t. Then it occurred to me, Why didn’t I get it? I’m surprised and wondering so much…Why these people keep repeating the same phrase over and over again? I mean, do they really mean it?

I realize something that it has been a long time since I last use the word “Boring” to complain about a dull day or to describe my inability to think of anything worthy to do. Ouch? Anything abnormal? Was it me, or you?

I have times when I just sit there and do nothing, entertaining my disappointment over something. Times like that are considered the worst I could ever think of. Even how bad those times are, I still couldn’t find myself slapping my forehead and running out of breath describing that this is my BORING time. I could not find myself complaining “Aiyooo punya boringggg” cos when there are so many things to do that are waiting for our time to do them, it’s such a violation of time justice to simply complain about feeling bored as if you have run out of things to do. When you actually speak of the How Bored you are at that time, it’s actually you surrendering to time-wasting. And the bad news is, you don’t actually have more time to waste considering all the incomplete and delayed tasks.

I remember recently when I told this friend, “Why are you always complaining about feeling BORED? When you have so many undone works waiting for you at the office or home? And look at you, you are here sitting and do nothing and telling people that you’re bored?” So the next time she came again, when something was about to come out from her mouth, she paused and said, “Oops, I won’t say I’m bored again cos when I say something like that, you would start nagging”. I laughed. Don’t you think you should thank me for that? If you can’t find anything to do or you’re just too lazy to do anything, using the word BORING is not going to help. In fact, you would start spreading that unmotivated spirit of surrendering to a total wastage of time and unutilized forces that could be use to make something big out of your day.

You heard people say that negative phrases that you say unintentionally are going to affect the energy around you. It isn’t going to make things better. I am just thankful I am not one of those who often say the word BORING cos that is not the right word to use if you really bear in mind that your days will never be silent from undone business. So maybe you shouldn’t use that phrase “I’m Bored” too much cos if you can see from other people’s eyes, maybe you would realize how HOPELESS that phrase make you.

256 <-- Cruel…but she has a point, don’t you think? Hehehehe

It Is Going To Be Okay

Hari kemarin was one of those days yang quite teruk for me. I have this attitude that sometimes cannot take No for an answer. When I set a plan for something, and then the people involved didn’t give me the cooperation, I was so devastated. I was sooo devastated that I just stopped doing anything. Just sat there and feeling bad. I didn’t know what to do. I thought for a second that I was losing my mind. It was one of those tough moments to overcome the battle within yourself.

When things don’t fall in place as you expected, then you start to react to it. The kind of reaction you give sometimes gives yourself a hard time. Like what I had yesterday. I could not talk myself down, “Things are going to be okay.” I just wanted to snap and let anxiety wear me down. I felt my world was crushing down on me. I went out from my office grasping for oxygen. It was all messed up in my mind that time. I was going to land myself in complicated situation if people didn’t want to cooperate. And why did I need so much luck? Why do I have to hope that people can just be nice to me and understand my situation? One thing that I overlooked was that I was actually Very Lucky. When I first faced the situation, I was already given solutions. The door of answers was open before my eyes. I didn’t know why I could not see all that during that very difficult moment. I forgot that God has already helped me halfway. He gave me the best option that I could easily approach and the only challenge is for me to make it happen with my own hands and to cope with the little obstacles. The obstacles I had yesterday was when things were not under my control. I have to wait, I have to strive and struggle to get what I want. Sometimes I have to even lower my ego and pride and be seen like a beggar on the street who hopes for people’s sympathy.

Maybe I could stop being the daddy’s little girl who would cry when things don’t go her way. This is reality. I will face difficulties when I want something worthy. Maybe I should remind myself this is where to use my wisdom. Maybe it’s true that the biggest enemy is not the things or the people around you, but it’s YOU yourself. Luckily I didn’t do something silly just to coax myself. I gave myself good treat of meal so that I could slow down on negativity. As a result, the world suddenly looked differently when I gained my composure back. Suddenly the hope was shining again. We Must Survive that Battle within ourselves. If that happens, we can take down anything.

Today, I receive good news. Now it proves that all the negativity from yesterday didn’t mean a thing. I only need to be patient and leave the rest to God :)

So guys…don’t get beaten down by your own self ok? It’s the easiest yet the most difficult battle of them all. The good news is, it’s yourself. How hard can it be? :).

Note: Keep telling yourself that it's going to be okay, cos IT IS going to be okay :)

“Masing-masing Cari Bahagia”

Translation: You Seek For You Own Happiness

I remember watching this series of Sehati Sejiwa on RTM1, a program where the host Misha Omar interviews celebrities husband and wife to share about their marriage life. In this particular series, the guests were Normala Omar and Zulkifli Zain – the veteran actors/actress in local films. What interesting about this particular series, they both looked so happy and opened about their marriage. As they went about the important points in their marriage life, I was surprised to learn that it was not even near a bed of roses. There was even this time when they went into a big tribulation in their marriage when the husband set eyes on another girl. Zul, the husband, spoke openly about what happened.

He said that men are like that. Sometimes they just got into affairs without really putting their heart and soul into it. They sort of just go with the flow just to get thrills in life and of course they make mistakes too when their manly natures take over their head and lead to actions that they might regret. He was about to marry that new girl. When his wife found out about that affair, she did not snap at it. She finally found the way to overcome her own emotions and just accepted what life has in store for her. She refused to make the situation worse, and what she did was she decided to accept the girl’s presence. She gave his permission for him to marry her. During the majlis akad nikah, he said that the wife was sitting at the front, making sure that everything was in place. She was the busiest person to arrange things so that everything went smoothly. That was the time when his heart was so touched, and then only he realized There will be NO another woman that can love him like that. He then realized that he already got The Best woman he could afford to have. And so…the wedding didn’t take place. I was called off.

I was amazed at the fact that they both could speak about it openly, how the guy admitted his wandering eyes and how the wife decided to give in to the husband’s intention instead of trying to fight it. They both taught me something about life. Sometimes life throws at us all the things that might not be favourable to us but it’s still up to us how to react and let these affect us in the good way or otherwise. It’s really a lesson to learn how TO CHOOSE not to destroy your own self and life by emotions that might just temporary be there to make things look worse. What is the most important thing is OUR ATTITUDE to face Life because life can sometimes be cruel the decision how badly can it turn our life to be, is STILL UP TO US!

From the way they spoke things…it really shown they have found the real formula HOW TO LIVE. I remember that both of them agree that “we must know how to make ourselves happy”. We must know how to react to circumstances in the way that we can go on with life with a light heart instead of giving up and make our lives go haywire. Yes, the decision to be happy is OUR decision, no matter how bad, how cruel life treats us sometimes.

Now that you know that Your Happiness Is Your Decision, Would You Decide To Be Sad?

Peace Of Mind, Where Are You?

What most of us don’t realize is that what bothers us the most is when we don’t have that peace in our mind. Whether it’s a problem about debts, or court charges that being made on you – all that actually make you feel restless, worried and unhappy. If you have all those troubles and still you can adapt that peaceful feeling, maybe that’s a different story. I realize that it’s the feeling of PEACE that each of us want to have. We want to be able to really give smiles that come naturally and laughter that sounds so carefree that really comes from the heart.

I’ve been there too, people. I have been in serious troubles with certain parties, which can get even serious if I was unlucky. Then I could not even walk properly. The rest of the world was still going in its own pace, like nothing different had happened. Isn’t it good if we can just be like them, regardless what happen in our lives? As much as I think it’s all in the mind, it’s another easier said than done thing. We wish that we could just grab Peace and put it in our mind and suddenly the world looks like a different place. I know how it feels to be totally trapped in anxiety. Suddenly it feels like the organs aren’t working at their 100% anymore. Where can we find that peace?

My sister is currently having a trouble that really disturbs peace in her mind. Luckily it was the Holy Week, she suddenly felt the need to attend all the special masses like never before. She said, It’s the blessing during the mass that you can’t get when you pray alone. I understand the situation she is in. But actually her problem isn’t as serious as she thought but she refused to make it easier for herself. She wants to think for the worse so she won’t have to be shocked if it really happens. The problem is, trying to exaggerate a problem won’t do anybody good. She could not eat or sleep like normal. This really robs PEACE from her mind. I handed her a prayer book Novena Prayer for The Sacred Heart of Jesus, “Read this.” She said, “Does it work or not?” Totally a wrong question to ask. If it’s a prayer, it would be just a piece of poetry if you DON’T believe that it will work. Maybe it’s not the prayer. But it’s because of your FAITH that prayer will bring you closer to a greater power that is IN CONTROL of your situation, then it’s how you get your peace back.

I have actually experimented this myself. More than once. I faced a big problem and everytime the peace was taken away from me, I turned to Prayers with such Faith that this world and everything inside it is only temporary. Our problems are only A Joke to our lifetime but we fail to see it that way. So when I read the Novena prayer with such devotion, my Faith is doing its own magic. I believe that God will help me see the way out by giving me Peace. Yes, do you believe when I say that once that Peace happens, you finally see many options out from your problems?!! No kidding!! After it happens a few times, I almost screamed. I could not believe that simply by surrendering ourselves to God – we could begin to see the ways out. Then I told myself, I WON’T DOUBT anymore. When you can think clearly, suddenly the fogs that cloud the solutions are cleared. The road ahead is easier.

You want Peace of mind? PRAY – finally a 4 letter word that really brings a lot of magic to those who have faith in it. You won’t know it until you try. TRY and See for yourself 

Why Things Aren't The Same Anymore?

At one time in our life, we look 2 steps backward and realized we are already two steps forward. Sometimes it’s just so funny that you’re NOT ready to be 2 steps forward. You ask yourself, “Why things are not the same anymore?”

Then I ask you back. How come you expect things to be the same when you’re already way ahead from before? You make your step everyday and your steps are talking you further and further each day. And yet you still ask, Why the things are not the same anymore? Don’t you get the answer, yet?

It’s meant to be, my dear friends. Just look at a human being itself. I remember about my little baby brother. I saw it from the day he was born. I really saw my little brother as one adorable little baby. He was so cute. I saw him growing up. At one time, I just wished that he would never grow up. It’s because if he grows up, he wouldn’t be that little small kid that I could lift and carry around like I used to. But do I want him to stay as a baby, forever? The answer is No. What I want is for him to grow up and see what kind of human being he becomes. I want to see him achieve his dreams. He’s a human being. It would be silly to expect a human being to stay a baby forever. So it’s the process that you can’t defy. He has to change even if I think he’s adorable enough as a little baby. So as he goes by with the normal process that everyone else goes through, should I still complain why he can’t stay a little baby boy forever? Don’t you think I should start speaking about how well he has progressed as a teenager or what an excellent student he makes now? And looking at where he is and what he has become, can it all be possible if he still stays as a little baby boy?

It’s the same with the changes in life. It doesn’t mean that if things are not the same like a year ago, things are going bad. It’s not so. We need changes to see how better we can progress from here. In a relationship for example. After you understand all this, would you still complain why it’s not the same with months ago? Of course it would never be the same. Now that you guys know each other better and you guys experienced so much more than before - how can you still expect things to be the same? And mind you, not the same doesn’t mean it’s bad. Remember that. Changes mean maturity and betterment. Let’s say the changes really spell something worse. Then too bad, guys. Just face it. It’s a risk you have to take. If changes are leading to destruction – Do not blame it on “changes”, but blame it on why people use “changes” to get to somewhere worse. It’s a choice. It’s a decision and it’s a challenge. But then, never complains about changes because without it, you won’t go anywhere. Being Static when you are meant to be dynamic – is the most unacceptable thing. Almost like dysfunctional or “system failure”.

We Need To Change. Just Change and Reach Somewhere.

Our Job Is Just Simple – Make Sure Those Changes Are The Good Ones. :)

Do You Remember What You Forget?

I was having some flashback with Ken about the previous things and we found out that he forgot a lot of things. Ironically, I always name myself as “The forgetful one” because I tend to forget about where I put my stuff and then I even forgot why some names are in my phonebook. But after doing some memory check, actually my memory isn’t bad at all. Maybe I am forgetful about the spontaneous things but I actually remember the moments that even some of the people involved forget about!

After realizing good memories that should be remembered and not exactly remembered by all the people involved in them – makes me thinking that how much Forgetfulness actually takes the Values away from one’s life – by just by forgetting the good moments. Yes!! Forgetfulness actually takes SO MUCH from us, people. Do you realize that?

I remember repeatedly telling Ken that “Rugi oo u tidak ingat” cos I really mean it! Remember all the little magical moments that actually makes you feel the purest of joy –and though they have passed but they continue to live in memories. And Memories only live as long as we still remember them. Imagine how much you are losing if you just forget all of these!

But the painful truth is that – nobody can blame anybody if they don’t remember. Some people are just not good at remembering things and some people are really good with it. I tell you the facts about this. If you fall in either category, you have something to lose and to gain.

The people who remember so much are always tied by the good memories. Sometimes they rely on those memories so much to the extent that it’s hard for them to accept a bitter truth about the present. They tend to be clingy to a relationship that was once a fairytale cos all the good memories are still fresh as if everything just happened yesterday. At this point, it’s advisable that they try to forget the past that is haunting them. So you know sometimes it’s not all bad to forget about certain things. Unfortunately, not everyone is good in forgetting.

On the other hand, you already know what the forgetful people have to lose. Although as if the values of life have been taken away from them by not remembering life’s great details that they have experienced, but at least they are so much easier to move on without having to live with bleeding wounds in their heart. Being strong is becoming much easier because you can always start on a clean slate. Like the saying goes, we must learn to forget the past before we can turn a new leaf.

My conclusion is that – Life is quite fair when it comes to this. Being forgetful or not forgetful is actually making us someone to gain or to lose from it depending on circumstances. So the challenge is we have to live with how we are by knowing how to handle the situations when we might get troubled by it. As for me, I am the type who can remember a lot of things so I already tasted how bitter it is to be bornt this way. I can’t simply forget and move on but the most wonderful thing about this is I can use those memories to Appreciate life and to learn from the little details how to see life as wonderful as it is. But if I come across someone like Ken who tends to forget the details, I won’t complain so much because I know he’s experiencing life’s wonders too, just from the other side. Like the saying goes, “Better to light the candle than to curse the darkness :)”

Did You Ruin Someone’s Day Today?

Do you know that because you’re just too cocky to care about other people, sometimes you end up ruining their good day? And just when you’re wondering why people are acting really strange and sometimes, heartless – maybe you don’t know that it’s you who do it first to them. But only when it hits u back, then only you know it’s going to hurt, Very Badly.

Look before you leap. If you cost someone their good day, most probably they are going to repay you with a slap of reality. If that slap of reality is not going to wake you up from your sleep-walking, it gonna cost you another harsh reality when someone else is going to ruin your day so badly enough to be called a total wreck.

Don’t ruin anybody’s day as much as you don’t want anybody to ruin yours.

"Please Remind Me"

When my days are down, the world seems to crush down on me. I see darkness. I see sadness. I see hopelessness.

Yes, times like that do come occasionally. I’m just a normal human being. Sometimes I do feel very lacking and so insufficient. Sometimes I do feel like I’m the most unfortunate person I know. Sometimes I feel like I’m just another laughingstock to the world. Sometimes I feel like whatever I’m working for is just a-total-loss of time.

During those hard moments, suddenly I feel loneliness despite being inside a big crowd. Sometimes I feel like the most awkward person in the universe. Sometimes I feel like my life is loveless. Sometimes I feel like nobody cares what’s going to happen to me. I don’t even believe that anybody would ever spend a second missing me.

But only those times that all the thoughts come to me. Where were the thoughts come from?

Cos other than those times, I feel that I have the life that I want. I feel that I am surrounded by great people who appreciate me. I feel that I have used all my talents and abilities to make a living. I feel that I have a worthy life that I should have paid for all the regrets and mistakes I had in the past. So just in case the days are down again and all the negativity starts to take over my being, I hope that I have people who can remind me that those thoughts are not real. I am just temporarily blinded by the evil element of my brain. It’s just so funny when something is still the same, but the way we see them differs in a split second. This tells us even more that when we see things as they are, then only they become so. If we know we have a choice of making our life more meaningful, maybe we don’t waste our time and energy grieving over things that are actually blessings in disguise.

This is why I write this to remind myself once again that despite feeling that my life is empty and meaningless during my bad days, I want to declare that at this moment, in my totally sane mind without the influence of hormonal imbalance and evil whispers – I want to remind myself that...

I Love The Life I Am In and all the shortcomings in my life now are caused by my weaknesses and once I manage to overcome them, maybe I can consider myself living my most wondrous dream :)

Please remind me that … Thanks :)

It's Not Always Like What You Think

The Scenario: I was stuffing my pets inside a bag (that isn’t just any bag, it’s my mom’s bag. I only carry specially-treated things inside that bag) and so I captured the moment of stuffing them inside it, trying to get them in so that their other “friends” could fit it too. Some people who stopped and saw me doing it might think that I was technically abusing those pets by the way I forced them to get inside. But little did they (people) know that I did it because I wanted to bring these pets home so that they won’t just left abandoned at the side of my desk at work. So you know I did it because I CARE and I know that they will get the attention they deserve when they are at my room. I’m sorry that it has to look a bit rough from the way I pushed them in. But it’s only after considering that they are not alive and what makes them alive is the memories of how they end up being in my possession. Oh yeah…how spontaneous is that crazy mind of [256]’s. *Lols

Moral of the story: When we need to do something that we think is the best option, the people involved in it might not get it. They might think we are selfish and heartless, ironically, we do it all thinking about nothing else but them. Get in touch with your senses in the right place. If misunderstanding makes it look like hate instead of love, don’t jump into conclusions cos you might not get the real story until you really understand the whole thing.

Miss You Till I Miss You No More

Sometimes some people let us miss them so much at one time. At one time, you feel that you are overpowered by the feeling of longing to have the person around. You are asking all sorts of questions to yourself, Why isn’t the person be around for you? At times, you can’t hold back and just let yourself weep thinking about the person. You miss the good memories, you miss the things that you guys have spent together, and you miss all the fun things. Everything that the person has said that once cheered you up, playing again in your head. How cruel it is for the person to not be around and let you miss him? You are thinking what have you done that causes this distance. Was it anything that you have said or done? Have you done something really wrong to deserve this?

But this feeling might not stay for so long. If the person whom you miss is cheering because he can turn your life upside down just from missing him, he’s not going to be so cheerful any longer than that. Cos this feeling might be gone before you know. Yes, this feeling isn’t here to stay. The next time the person shows up, you forgot about missing him. You could even ask him, “Oh, you’re here.” Emotionless.

It’s good to be missed but make sure the people whom you let miss you, aren’t the people you care. Cos they might decide otherwise if you let them miss you too long. You thought they gonna jump for joy when they hear from you again, but you could be wrong. Suddenly your presence DOESN’T matter anymore. They are used to not having you around. They have learnt to accept your absence. Now that when you think you want to appear again, you have to REGAIN their attention all over again.

Something that maybe we don’t think much of. We thought that people who miss us will always miss us and waiting for us. The fact is, they know if you’re worth-missing. If you make yourself absence out of selfishness, they will soon find out about it. When you make yourself occupied just for indulgence without thinking about the people who want your presence, they will know it. That’s why before you do anything like that, make sure you don’t get yourself hurt in the end. Cos missing someone can be painful. That’s why we want only miss those who care if we miss them or not. And if you care, you won’t let them miss you for that long :)

If someone cease to miss you, now you know…

…Bukan Yang Cantik

I overheard perbualan dua orang salesgirls yang sedang berdiri sambil tunggu customer. Maybe di kedai baju tu. I don't remember sebab benda ni berlaku berminggu yang lalu. Sorang tu yang kenampakan sibuk bercakap dan sorang tu lagi dengar. And ngam2 time sia limpas tu…sia dengar this part,

"Semua ada yang cakap mau yang jujur la, setia la, macam2 la, tapi teda satu pun yang cakap dorang mau yang cantik."

Masa tu, I couldn't help but smile sebab I think the girl yang bercakap tu baru baca dari satu magazine or dengar dari radio tentang "Apa ciri2 idaman yang ada pada perempuan yang dicari oleh lelaki." Believe it or not, I was once in the girl's shoes too. That time I was still wondering apa yang dicari oleh seorang lelaki pada seorang perempuan. Cos dalam macam2 reason tu, satu benda yang the girls CONFIRM yang lelaki akan cari. Iaitu that girl mesti CANTIK.

But the more you read or hear, memang betul JARANG yang terang2 cakap mau yang cantik. Like that one is cliché already. Dorang start sudah cakap pasal quality lain such as understanding la, pandai hormat orang tua la…macam2 la. Semakin banyak membaca dan mendengar, lama2 bila tiba2 terjumpa a guy asyik bercakap pasal kualiti fizikal – Sia mau yang cantik, yang seksi and bla bla bla…suddenly u tengok dia lain2. You rasa yang this guy betul2 immature and belum kenal dunia.

I mean, generally, when we grow up, we tend to judge everything from the physical. Cos itulah satu language yang "tidak payah orang ajar". As long as u have eyes yang healthy, you see something and then get the impression from it. If apa yang u nampak tu something nice, you akan suka. So as we grow up, that very basic thing actually terbawa-bawa. Mata kita ni memang suka tengok yang nice2 only. Tapi sebenarnya – MUNGKIN juga yang "apa yang sedap dilihat oleh mata" kita ni sebenarnya terhenti di sana saja. Sebab impression yang lahir dari pandangan tu cuma Itu Kulit Buku ba guys. Hehehehehe. Itu isi buku belum tau lagi.

Dan mungkin juga lah lelaki2 yang tidak meletakkan kecantikan seorang perempuan tu sebagai criteria yang dicari pada gadis idaman dorang tu sebenarnya sudah PERNAH KENA sebiji sebab pernah mengejar2 si cantik dan akhirnya find out bahawa oleh kerana terlalu obsess dengan kecantikan dia tu saja, akhirnya he learnt a lesson. Sebab finally dia sedar yang setakat cantik dan sedap mata memandang tu saja nda ke mana pun. Satu kali u find out perangai dia teruk, baru u sedar yang apalah ada pada wajah yang cantik. That's why la, from experience dorang sendiri or experience kawan2 dorang, maybe dorang pun find the middle way bahawa bagus cari dulu kualiti itu dan it's a bonus if she's pretty. Another quality yang I think the guy SURE paling suka antara kualiti2 lain yang maybe dorang pun nda sedar – dorang mau perempuan yang SAYANG dengan dorang. Kalau tu perempuan serba-serbinya bagus, tapi dia tidak pun tengok ke arah you, sama juga you akan terus mencari perempuan yang buat you rasa like "the real man" yang tengok u as someone yang boleh protect dia, and orang yang dia boleh harap dan akan rindu you when you jauh and worry if you sakit. Masa ni baru u tau yang "Babai sajalah" dengan kecantikan itu semua. Banyak benda lain lagi yang jauh lebih penting dan berbaloi dalam mencari pasangan yang sesuai untuk spend life sampai hujung nyawa.

So untuk golongan2 perempuan yang diwakili oleh salesgirl yang sia terlimpas tu ari…now kamu jangan heran lain kenapa perempuan2 yang kamu nampak as Si Plain Jane tu pula yang "jauh lebih laku" daripada kamu yang kununnya Si Cantik Manis yang semua akan tinguk bila u limpas. So don't worry so much la about cantik or tidak cantik, sebab tu semua di mata kamu ja. Lelaki yang bakal jadi pasangan kamu tu ada mata dia sendiri. Bukan pun dia minta pinjam mata kamu. Hehehehe. So jangan decide for him sebab dia sendiri yang akan decide if you're "pretty" or not. Dan IF he thinks that you're pretty and you tidak setuju sebab you tinguk di cermin you tidak juga macam tu Snow White, then now you know apa yang dia maksudkan itu adalah you have the BEAUTY yang dia cari, dan beauty yang dia cari tu bukan sama definition sama yang si beauty pageant. So if you ask me, of all the qualities yang ada sama kita, I think itu "Cantik" akan ditaruh di pisuk2 so inda apa la kalau inda menang tu Unduk Ngadau ba… Ingat tuu…dorang mau cari yang baik, yang bersopan santun, yang pandai masak, yang bijak…all of that…dan Bukan Yang Cantik ba…*giggles.

Self-Isolation: You Do Need It

Last Monday, I went to the shopping mall near my bestfriend’s workplace and usually it was one of the rare chances that we grabbed to steal the time to meet and share updates on each other’s life. I didn’t plan to meet her for lunch because she’s always busy so I must be right on lunchtime to catch her. I texted her “What time you go lunch? I’m here now.” A question that I already knew the answer but was just trying my luck if she could sneak and go to lunch earlier. Stumbling with my own mind, “Ah, I don’t think we could make it today.” So I assumed I knew the answer. She didn’t reply. She never replied. Not in hours. Not in days. The 3rd day, then only she called. “I didn’t see your SMS!!! But it was opened! How come I didn’t realize that I opened the SMS and not read anything?”. I tried to explain to her that it was nothing. I knew it that she couldn’t make it because I couldn’t wait until her lunchtime so it makes no difference if she replied or not. I know she’s a very busy person. You never know when she goes outstation and to which district.

The nite before she called, an old friend (a Kelantanese)called me after many years of minding our own business. This friend currently working in KL and we have not met for many years since graduation. She is always remembered as one of our good buddies who shared tears and laughter since matriculation. So we talked all the fun stuff during the phone chat. She almost lost her Kelantan dialect. I could listen very clearly to her words. Unfortunately, she didn’t think the same with me. She begged me to slow on on talking cos she wasn’t familiar with Sabahan dialect anymore. I just carried on talking like she’s just another Sabahan friend. “You call me so you have to adapt to my language”, I thought. Hehehe. So finally she told me the reason she called is because she’s taking a vacation to Sabah this March. She told me about the hotel and others. I asked her if she has informed our other friend (my bestfriend) about it and she said Yes, I have informed her in Facebook. “But she never replied”. Could it be that she’s too busy and her FB account is inactive?” I knew the answer to her question. I always know my bestfriend is Never too busy with Facebook. I’m sure she visits her FB daily. It was when I had a thought about the unreplied SMS the other day. This is more than just her being too busy to not remember opening a text message and not knowing what’s written on it. It’s definitely not for her to overlook the Fb message sent by our Kelantanese friend. “Something is not going on well here,” I thought.

Maybe that explained why I didn’t blow it up. Her not replying a text message is a very small matter. But maybe when she finally came to her senses, then she called me and asked me the questions she should have known the answers to. And when I told her about our Kelantanese friend who called up, she made the sound like it was the first time hearing it. “Oh, she’s coming down?” But when I told her that the other friend has sent her a message in Fb asking her if she can make some time to be the tour guide when they arrive in KK, she said, “Oh ya….belum pula sia ter-reply dia.” So actually she remembered reading the message on Fb but didn’t do anything to reply it yet although it needs an urgent reply.

From her voice, I can sense that this isn’t as simple as she’s too busy. I knew right away that maybe not that she wasn’t thoughtful enough to us, but her little situation made her feel choked to even have the heart to answer the simplest question. I don’t know if I understand how it feels. But one thing for sure, I know that sometimes we need The Space for ourselves that we just want to take a break from anything and just have a quiet time of isolation. Suddenly you don’t want to say anything. Suddenly you don’t want to let people know anything. Suddenly you feel like you just need “nothing” to come in your mind because you just want a peace isolation. Yeah, sometimes life is giving us too much of what we think we can handle. Everything is just sucking your energy away. You need that space to regain yourself and get back all your senses together so people won’t notice the difference before and after the isolation. Yes, maybe I understand it. Maybe we all need that space sometimes. We need to pause and look back to ourselves whether or not we are still in the right track and so we don’t just get carried away with our silly emotion and end up hurting more people unintentionally.

Maybe I myself did that many times already. I just want my own space. Maybe we need the space to really get in touch back with ourselves. Yes, we may do funny things. Suddenly you don’t want to answer the call, you don’t want to talk to people and just mind your own business. But of course, don’t get carried away with that isolation because you need to reconnect back to reality and let the people know that you actually care for them. Maybe you would make many kind of excuses so that they don’t have to understand WHY you do it. But as what you can guess, I think I perfectly understand. That’s why when my bestfriend did that, I don’t make it harder for her. I keep saying, “It’s okay bah. “ She kept saying that she regretted not seeing the SMS because suddenly she felt like she missed the chance to hang out. Guess what? When you deal with something like this…Show them you understand that they might be having that isolation moment cos one day I’m sure you would wish people understand it when you have yours too. :)

I Am Sometimes A Fox...

Why To Get Something Means To Lose Something…

I ask this question WHY? WHY do I have to lose something just because I decide to take something into my life?

This is so NOT fair. Why 2 elements have to fight for a space when you prepare two very comfortable spaces for both of them. This isn’t about life being unfair. This is how STRANGE human beings can be by trying to create conflicts that shouldn’t be there.

I remember when I first hooked up with my ex years ago. I didn’t know how much this affected the people around him until his friends came to me and said that “he has changed a great deal”. He didn’t have time to answer them, or even have the little space to say Hello – like they didn’t exist at all. I remember a female friend, who knew him earlier than I did, and she was considered a close friend to my ex before I came – she told me she felt so upset because of his changes. “Like I wasn’t there at all,” she said. I didn’t understand WHY my ex was treating his friends like that. Was it because of me? I didn’t intend that my presence would change anything good. It shouldn’t be that way. I never actually told my ex who he should make friends with. In fact, it was him who did that to me. But if you ask me, I’d say, I don’t want him to lose his friends just because he was taking me into his life. Why Humans do something like this? We don’t have to!!! Trust me, friends will always have a special place that can’t be replaced by the our families and or lover. It’s the same with our families. Do you want to lose a brother or a sister just because you hook up with a new person? That’s not how it works, people.

Love is such a broad thing. If it has length, it must have a great length. If it has distance, it must be at least thousands of miles. We have definition for each kind of love that we have for everyone that we have in our lives. Yes, we are able to do it. If you have to freaking choose whether or not to keep your brother or sister just because you are marrying someone, How Stupid is that. They can’t take each other’s place in your life so remind them that they don’t have to fight for a spot. They don’t have to leave your life just because you have a new person coming in to your life. Please do not create unnecessary heartache cos this one is really caused by no one but you!!

I mean, if you are in the position of the Host, where one special person makes his way to the door just because he saw someone else coming in from the other door, don’t you think you would be surprised enough to ask, “Why are you leaving?” Then the person said, “I think I need to give space for those who just came in.” Then you know what I would answer? “You don’t need to leave. There’s an ample space for everyone. OK?” What if the person insists? “Sorry 256, I really think I should leave.” I would scream, “No, Don’t Leave! I mean it.” What do you feel? You think I’m kidding? Do you think I can’t be a good Host for every guest? Do you think I can’t help but give a better treatment for those who just came? No, you are wrong. I mean it when I say that. And if you think I’m happy that you think you are being courteous enough to volunteer leave the house to give space –you are wrong!! If you still insist to leave because of that, I will burst in tears in front of the other guest. That’s HOW SAD I feel inside. When I say Don’t Leave, I freaking mean it!!!

If you are in the position of either of the Guests…now you know what the Host is feeling. Don’t be stupid by making the decision for the host that you should leave. No. You are wrong. This world might be filthy and all, but there are people who really appreciate all the special people in their lives. So the line “To Get Something Means To Lose Something” is not true until you make it true. You’ll know how hurtful it can be when you become the Host itself. There’s enough space for everyone, so please stay :)

Does Your Name Define You?

Hi peeps. Sorry for the delay. I’ve been very busy fixing something with my workplace. Still ongoing, but I need to steal some time to write this. Ok, let’s go.

Today is the first of February, we are only 2 weeks away from Chinese New Year. 2 days ago, in the middle of my busy work, I received a text message from Mark, asking me – “Have I told you the meaning of your nick in Chinese?” Then I said, “Oh, you haven’t. Let me know what it is.” Then he sms me this.

2 = Senang 5 = Tidak 6 = Datang

Then he added, "but that’s a Chinese belief, not ours, right? Just be positive". *Lols

Hehehehehehehe. Well, I am thankful that a friend is willing to find out the meaning of my nick in Chinese despite not being Chinese. But it’s just a translation, right? Oh well, that’s so thoughtful. Do I buy meanings and predictions? I’m just too tired to answer. Because all these things become like a joke to me now.

THE MEANING behind your name doesn’t DEFINE you.

Your parents can name you the holiest name, but it’s just a name that people use to call you and doesn’t make create your characters. Maybe it could help psychologically, but not more. You go ask anyone who live a bad lifestyle and maybe you’ll be surprised to learn that his real name means “Sacredness”. Oh well, now, can that name change anything? Heheheheehe

So this is what I told Mark. If anything like that does work – Trust me, I should already be a millionaire by now. I have heard a lot of “nice meanings” behind whatever that people have the meaning for. It’s almost the same with prediction, but at least prediction is something that people do “with effort”. Meaning is something less serious than that. It’s like they simply refer to a dictionary and “punish” you if you have a name that doesn’t mean good. Hahaha…No No, it doesn’t work that way.

This is what I told Mark to end the little conversation. If that’s the Chinese meaning for me nick, I take it as a challenge to prove otherwise. It’s your own hands that make things happen. Trust me if my life is miserable, it’s almost a little to nothing that it has anything to do with my nick/name. It’s must be because I am incompetent, lazy, greedy and others.

If only it’s as simple as putting a name with a good meaning can make you LIVE that meaning. IF ONLY people, IF ONLY. Unfortunately, it’s NOT so. :)

"You Must Have A Bad Day"

You guys sedarkah about something about this life? Tidak kisah la you sudah buat sebaik mungkin, sudah buat planning and serba sistematik, disiplin yang sangat tinggi – boleh dikatakan u did your part dengan baik sekali – still…Tidak mungkin hari2 you hanya akan lucky, happy dan penuh dengan senyum dan gelak ketawa saja.

Biarpun you baik, peramah, suka tolong orang, suka bersedekah or jenis yang happy go lucky, TRUST ME, ada masanya yang YOU MUST HAVE A BAD DAY. Sia pernah do my little study on this. Masa sia happy with my life – sia experience every moment and tanya pada diri sia – How on earth, that life gonna punish me with a bad day after this?

The answer is this. Masa kita sedang happy2 dengan life kita, MESTI ada satu ruang dalam hidup kita yang muat2 untuk sekurang-kurangnya satu masalah. Dan masalah ini la yang akan menjadikan hidup kita ni bertukar mood. Daripada ketawa2 gembira, now start sudah dahi berkerut. Pening, sakit kepala dan tidak menentu. Sedar nda sedar – hati kita risau, resah dan sedih. "My life sucks" Aha…then kalau mau dikaji, Kenapa juga masalah ni buat hidup kita teruk? How? Teruk sangatkah masalah ni? Kenapa time kita happy, seolah-olah masalah tu tidak wujud? Kenapa mesti masalah tu datang dan mengubah kegembiraan dalam hati kita?

Then I made another and another study on this. I mean, my little study is analyzing life sia sendiri. Sia mau tau apa yang sebenarnya terjadi pada ups and downs hidup kita. Sia lalui that bad day hari ni. Fikiran bercelaru sebab ada tujuan yang belum terlaksana. Fikir pasal deadline yang sia kena settle semua benda. Imagine la sia cuma ada less than one week untuk settle something yang has to be good for the rest of the year. Memang sounds like something impossible. Mau pikir pasal budget lagi. Mau pikir pasal orang2 yang terlibat lagi. And at the same time, mau pikir pasal jaga air muka sendiri dan mau settle ni benda sendiri. Nah…apa tidak my head almost jam. Sampai SMS pun sia tidak terlayan. Lepas tu, datang lagi sorang kawan ni yang kerjanya asyik meminta something ja tidak habis2. Ada2 saja yang dimintanya, and though benda2 tu semua make money, she's asking everything for free. Lagilah sia tension orang ambil kesempatan atas kebaikan sia. Whoaaa…Today is officially a bad day!!! Jalan pun macam zombie ja ni. Mau cari satu idea yg buat hati senang - How to settle this problem???!!! Yes, itulah yang ada dalam kepala sia tadi bila sampai rumah. Dekat mau termenangis pun ada oo. Like so stuck in this problem. Haiyaa!!!

Well, itu yang sia rasa tadi. Imagine la diri kamu dalam situasi masalah kamu sendiri. Actually ini yg terjadi. Our mind ni juga punya kerja yang kasi pusing sana, pusing sini. Telampau pintar punya kepala otak. Lama2 pandai makan tuan. Hehehe. Sebab, it's all a mind game ja ba ni. Kalau teruk di fikiran kita, teruklah juga jadinya. Jadi apa yang akan tolong kita? Hear it from me. That's why kita mesti ada faith sama a greater power. Kita tau yang someone is taking care of us. Kita mesti percaya that our prayer is heard. Element2 luaran ni la yang actually give us extra strength to Think Outside The Box. Sebab time sia dera diri sia cari2 solution, belok sana belok sini, Akhirnya…sia boleh terpikir satu penyelesaian kepada masalah sia, tapi penyelesaian ni betul2 lari daripada yang pernah sia pikir sebelum tu. Wow…buli juga macam ni ah?

Rupanya INIlah dia penangan masalah kita tu. Kalau kita dikalahkan oleh masalah kita, bukan sebab Takdir, tapi kita yang tidak mau berjuang cari penyelesaian. Dalam kes sia tadi, ini melibatkan hal serius so sia paksa diri untuk squeeze that solution yang terbaik untuk diambil. Sebab selagi sia tidak jumpa something yang gives me that relief, memang sia akan terus terperangkap dalam kemurungan ini. I need to find the way out!!

So when I finally hit it – sia smiled and cakap pada diri sia – “Begini pula rasanya bila kita akhirnya dapat cari satu titik di mana kesusahan kita tidak akan menjatuhkah kita. Sebab Memang Betul, akan sentiasa ada cara untuk menyelesaikan masalah tu. Bodohlah kita kalau dikalahkan oleh masalah, sebab kerja masalah tu cuma untuk kasi asam garam dalam hidup, kasi sia pengalaman dan bagi lebih banyak exercise minda – to test us, How good you are now. Dia cuma kuis2 sikit pun, sudah kita melatah dan overreact. Imagine lah problems tu pandai cakap, mesti dia pun tekejut. Ouch, I didn’t mean to make you lose hope in your life. Imagine that? Tu masalah pun buli nangis o tengok kita jadi nda tentu arah gara2 dia cuma main gurau senda ja. So the point is… Guys, apa yang kita mau takut? Kita ada kehidupan. Kita ada kewarasan. Kita ada anggota badan yang cukup. Kita ada kekuatan. Kita ada kelebihan. Masalah ni apa la juga berbanding dengan apa yg kita ada. Jadi…masih mau give up? Answer that to yourself.

And bothered about a bad day? Kenapa mesti kita melatah pasal satu hari yang malang dan tidak menceriakan. Hari begini akan datang sekali sekala. Cuma sekali sekala. The rest of it, you can always choose to have A Good Day :) Apa buli buat sudah peraturan hidup tidak mau kita asyik tersenyum – sebab apa thrillnya hidup kalau asyik ketawa saja kan. Ada masa kita down, then guess what…pasal Bad Day yang datang sekali sekala ni la…kita lagi tau menghargai the next Good Day yang kita akan tempuhi. And hopefully that time, jangan lupa daratan. Hargai Good Day itu, cos somehow, someday, You Must Have A Bad Day again :)

But The Friendster Said So!!

Ini lah kalau sudah wujud macam2 method untuk buat networking. Social sites macam Friendster and Facebook – memang menarik. Schoolmates lama2 pun you boleh track. The last time I browse Friendster memang cukup interesting. All my seniors pun sia dapat track balik. Cuma since I don't have the account, I just browse and tumpang tengok saja without link to their page. Cukup untuk sia tau update dorang and dapat tengok pictures yang dorang put public. Sudah sangat2 interesting for me. Since I don't have an account, dorang tidak dapat tau yang sia ada visit page dorang. So you never know berapa orang yg visit your page and actually read what you wrote and see the picturesthat you put there. You never know how much they are BUYING what they see and read!!! Hahahahaha.

Cerita ni pasal sorang kawan rapat sia juga. Dia ni pun a busy person. Time cuti baru dapat lepak2. Tapi dalam dia busy2 tu, dia pun actually berminat mau tau perkembangan kawan2 kami yg lain – biarpun kawan tu kami nda la biasa sangat, tapi berminat juga mau tau apa cerita terbaru. But dia pun mcm sia juga. Most of our other friends yang we tiada contact number dorang, we just rely on what we see on page Friendster dorang. We particularly talked about this female friend, who got married to another friend juga. But their relationship happened after graduation so we saw their wedding pictures pun dari website juga. "Ohh so betul la si anu ni sudah kawin sama si anu." Something like that. Sempat juga kami tengok her Friendster page from my office.

The next time we met and lepak makan2, she said to me, "Ui, si anu tu sudah divorce ka apa o?" Then I said, "What?? Betul ba ni?" Then she said, "Cuba kau tinguk tu Friendster dia, teda sudah tu pic kawin dia semua. Semua pic dia sorang ja. And then, dia tulis status dia "Single". Then sia pun tekejut la. Baru jua kawin then cerai. Nda best pula dengar. But source dia tu cuma the Friendster page ba. Buli pecaya ka?

Then kawan sia ni actually sudah start percaya the rumour yang dia create sendiri JUST BY looking at the Friendster page. I don't know berapa ramai kawan yang dia sudah cakap benda tu yang kununnya that female friend is divorced. Or at least, maybe dia tanya that question to them, "Dorang sudah ceraikah?"

Until one day that we keluar lepak again, this time ada my bestfriend ikut. Husband kepada perempuan yang dikhuatiri sudah divorce tu (according to her Friendster page – "Single" status) adalah sepupu jauh dengan my bestfriend. So again my other friend ni brought up the matter. "Dorang sudah cerai kah tu?" Then my bestfriend terus mencelah. "Ui gila ka cerai. Urang ada anak satu sudah woo." Tebesar terus mata kami. Punyalahh. All this while kami almost thought dia sudah cerai sedangkan rupanya semakin bahagia. Sampat lagi sia tinguk my other friend tu and said, "Nah tu la…jan kau pecaya sangat tu Friendster. Ntah apa2 yang dorang simpan sana. Bukan betul pun." Hahahaahahahahahaha.

Pernah juga dulu masa tu I made friend with this guy from IRC. Memang suka gurau2 with him and flirt2 sikit juga masa tu. But we never really be serious about our personal details. I remember yang he pernah kurik2 juga if I already have someone or not. And the way he said things, as if he doesn't have anyone yet. He told me about a bitter breakup yang masih buat dia serik. I heard gossips from other chatters yang this guy already has a girlfriend. But hairan juga. Time kami chat, he never shows any sign yang any girl matters anything to him. So I visited his Friendster page, I saw that he put his status "In a relationship." I told my big bro. "How come he didn't tell me he has a girlfriend already oh? Teruk o like that." My big bro learnt that I saw it from the Friendster page. "Jangan la pecaya tu Friendster tu." I said, "But why he put like that if tidak betul?" Then si Jojon cakap, "Cuba kau pi tinguk Friendster sia. Lagi dasyat. Bukan buli pecaya sangat ba tu Friendster tu" Hahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Pandai tul dia memujuk litol sista dia kan. Mimang ba itu ulal tu. *Lols.

But I come to learn that memang betul the guy is in a relationship, biarpun sampai sekarang he never actually mengaku with me. Bukan sebab sia percaya sangat tu Friendster, but memang ada source lain yang lagi kukuh. Kalau setakat dengan Friendster, with a click saja pun you boleh mislead orang. So Choose NOT to get misled by Friendster la if dalam hal2 relationship ni. Sebab KALAU LAH relationship itu semudah "click!" sekali ja, lain cerita lah.

Smbg sikit cerita yang awal2 tadi. Then my bestfriend told us about beberapa couple yang dia kenal. These real life couples ARE NOT that friendly dalam Facebook dorang. Di facebook they look like enemies, tapi di luar sebenarnya dorang mcm belangkas. I mean, the point is – Adakah you will tell everything about your life in these social sites that you're taking part in? Or do you have the time to update everything, what's going on with your life? I think most people do this page because they want to be in the circle of networking and learn about other people, when they don't usually offer that much about themselves. They still want only the people who know them in person to know the real story about them. But untuk yang belum berapa paham how it works, nahh, jadilah macam2 assumption itu ini – Lagi bagus mcm ni saja la…Apa2 hal macam ni, just take it easy. The truth is the truth. Not even a freaking Friendster/Facebook page can change it. Not with a single click, No No. Hehehehe. So? Just take it easy with these social sites. Want to know the truth, just get it straight from the owner of the body. Fair enough. Hehe

NOTE: I do believe anyway that some people are transparent enough about themselves and their lives in these social sites. It doesn't matter how you guys do it, as long as everyone is having fun, and everyone is doing it for a good intention. Yeah, thanks for reminding me that I don't have any account on those sites. Thank you. Hahahahaahahahahahahahahahaha.

"Special Treatment"

You guys tau kah antara sedar atau tidak, kita ni sebenarnya sentiasa mengamalkan double standards? Kununnya kita ni sangatlah mengecam tindakan boss kita yang "pilih bulu" dengan bagi layan istimewa untuk workmates kamu yang tertentu, sedangkan sebenarnya mungkinkah perkara ni satu tindakan luar sedar yang each of us buat?

Sia terpikir topic ni after a lady who worked next door my office greeted me dengan bunyi yang sangat sopan sekali. Time kerja, I could hear her voice from my office. Dia ni mulut mcm loose canon sikit. Tidak tapis2 bahasa. Daripada "Kenapa juga kau pigang2 punggung sia ni, kau pikir masih virgin ka ni?" sampailah kepada, "Rimas sia tinguk muka kau ni tau." Haa, benda2 tu yang sia dengar keluar daripada mulut dia. Memang laser abis. Tapi laser dia ni kadang2 melucukan. Orang2 sekeliling dia kadang2 jadikan mulut laser dia tu sebagai hiburan. Kadang2 sia pun ketawa juga dengar percakapan dia tu. Hehehehehe.

Sia ni tidaklah boleh dilabelkan sebagai Friendly sama orang2 keliling sia, apa lagi kalau setakat main limpas2 saja. I always mind my own business so bila sia tau perangai thatl ady macam tu, sia lagilah don't want to have anything to do with her. I don't like orang mulut laser yang suka sakitkan hati orang. Mulut laser main sindir2 macam sia selalu buat tu (lain ceritalah…) *Lols. But that lady always treats me differently. Bila dia datang and tanya2 sia tentang hal tertentu, dia sangat rational dan tidak cakap nda tentu2. Macam dia jaga betul percakapan dia. Sampaikan sia pun tinguk dia lain macam, "Dia ni ok ka?" Hahahahaahahahahaha. Well, thankful juga la cos I don't have to deal with mulut laser yang tidak bertempat.

I still remember dulu time college years. Ada sorang budak ni, which was one of my ex- schoolmates from secondary school. Dalam banyak2 geng budak samseng, dia ni antara yang "digeruni" oleh kawan2 baru sia, sebab biarpun dia tu kecil, tapi brutal sikit. Memang terkenal dengan kesamsengan dia yang suka break the rules. Padahal muka bukan main kiut lagi. Mungkin the fact yang dia ni anak orang kaya, yang menyebabkan dia ada satu gaya yang menunjukkan her so-called status. Dia ni pernah satu bilik dengan sia dulu, but tidak lama. Cos she got expelled from school cos masalah disiplin. Memang tidak percaya. "Jahat betulkah dia?" Sia masih ingat, sia ni selalu pasang my small radio biarpun masa tidur. Then masa sleeptime to, my other roommates bercakap, "Buli kamu tulung diam ka? Sia mau tidur ni." She said to them. Sia pun kasi palan my radio (tapi tatap don't want to turn it off ba kan…hahaahahaha) Then she said, "[256], bukan kau. Sia cakap sama dorang ja tu. Kau pasang la tu radio." Yup, she said that. Mesti my other roommates pun heran. But I never really thought about it. That was during secondary school.

Time our first year in college, after my new friends kenal dia ni sebagai satu figure yang "dorang mau elak kalau boleh" (*Lols), then one day, kami just duduk2 masa petang time riadah. Geng2 dia ni datang la join kami. Bagi sia ok ja, but my other friends start rasa nda selesa. She sat beside me and we started talking macam biasa. Sepa sangka, kawan2 sia yg lain terasa gerun tinguk kami bercakap. Cos they thought sia akan kena maki or what oleh that girl. After we talked, my bestfriend came to me and said, "Wow, dia cakap bagus2 o sama kau kan?" Then I said, "Aiks, jadi mau cakap macamana lagi?" Then she said that she thought that girl akan brutal sama semua orang. Rupanya tidak. Well, mungkin ini tindakan refleks or what?

Macam juga dalam family. Ada yang your mom or dad akan treat lebih special dari yang lain. Sama juga dengan adik beradik. Ada yang dorang akan lebihkan daripada yang lain. Persoalan yg timbul adalah…Kenapa kita treat orang tertentu lebih baik daripada yang lain? Dalam kes yang sia pernah lalui, sia tidak pun mempunyai kepentingan dalam hidup orang2 tu. Like my friend yang brutal tu, she gains nothing from treating me nicely. I wasn't in her league at all and she always knows that. Or is there something about how we bring ourselves that we get special treatments from certain people?

I think memang we have this intuition how we evaluate people, and how we think they deserve to be treated. Maybe kita pun tidak tau yang our mind process the evaluation like that. Biarpun sia ni banyak cakap and suka buat joke nda tentu2, tapi my bestfriend yang selalu kena "Gete oo ni perempuan" oleh sorang lagi kawan baik kami yang owez lepak together. Sampaikan lain sudah muka bestfriend sia tu. Sedangkan me and my bestfriend pun lebih kurang juga tahap kegilaannya. *Lols. Kadang2 sia pun tersedar juga. Tapi ada juga people who treat me a little worse than they treat others. So I think penilaian orang ni tidak sama. So what we can do from here is…if we want to get other people's respect, maybe the key is only one. Respect them and treat them the best and when they get it, they will appreciate it by returning the same respect. If we still don't get the treatment we think we deserve, then there's very little we can do. Bottomline is, asal kita jangan saja2 mau jahat dengan orang lain pun cukup sudah tu.

But jangan silap. Getting someone's respect doesn't mean that you let them step on your back. Itu lain cerita. I've been there too. Silap2…pasal sia sudah lalui tu semua la then only I learnt how to earn people's respect dengan cara yang betul. Actually, I didn't try so hard juga. Tapi if Special treatment ni berpihak kepada diri kita, it's actually a boost kepada self-esteem kita. Baru kita sedar yang dalam kita sibuk mengutuk diri sendiri, orang lain pun tidak kutuk kita seteruk tu. So maybe we can use that untuk lebih menghargai diri sendiri. Yes, memang ngam advice tu untuk diri sia sendiri. Sia rasa sia pun belum cukup sayang diri sendiri lagi ni. Hehehehe. Well, baguslah if orang lain ble help me make me see myself more worthy kan :) Memang menarik betul bonding sesama manusia ni kan guys...

Hope we have everything to gain from it! :)

I’m Here, Peeps!!!

Hi All!!!!! Anybody missed me? I thinkkk so!!! Hahaahahahahaha. Thanks for still dropping by even when I was away. Actually I was not away at all. I have problems with my connection and I could not find another way to still be able to update my blog because my wordload was too much for the past 2 days.

Another Virus is here!!! And this is really a poison to a blogger like me. Because I always write something using Word and save it in .doc format. And guess what, I don’t know since when that this problem is around. All the Words document changed into .exe and I almost lost the latest posts that I have written and not yet posted. DAMN!!!

Nevermind…those freaking virus can do anything it wants, Don’t forget that the I am still alive and I can still write so much and even more than what any virus can handle…I mean, I’m sure they will find the cure in no time. Hehe. So I won’t let this SMALL? problem disturb me cos I have bigger things in mind.

Actually, so banyak kerja belum finish and then I know that for this blog alone pun ada kerja yang belum siap. Erksss…Memang pressured la juga. I don’t even have time for myself oh lately. Yesterday I was planning to go shopping, but I was only done with my work (and had to called it a day even with so many unfinished works), kelam kabut lagi mau pulang…Doiiiii…sesak nafas sia ba guys. And then, pantang dapat landing di bed, mesti nap berjam-jam – So different with before when I used to have insomnia, nasib baik Milo is my sleeping pill. Sangat berbeza oo. Maybe now I’m too tired or what? Maybe la kan. Actually penat2 ni pun best juga. Cos baru u tahu menilai masa tidur u and use it sebaik-baiknya. Sleeptime is very important ba. Masa tu la activity dalaman badan kita berlaku. But my issue is, I think I still sleep too much. Sayang pula bila terbangun and sedar yang u spent hours sleeping sedangkan kalau u buat kerja, banyak sudah yang siap. Am I officially a Workaholic?

I certainly don’t want to admit that but memang betul my commitment is always my work. Best juga macam ni. You feel like you’re useful ba kan? Hehehehe. Anyway, my aim is – I want to get better returns sebab then only it’s fair for me. Kepuasan tu kepuasan juga, but if I can get more, of course I want more. Well, I’m just as greedy as you guys baa…Yup, you’re not alone! Hahahaahahahahahahahah :PP

Okay, I have to leave you guys here. I just write this note to say Hi to all and… I miss you guys TOO!! (Thanks for missing me! Heheheehe )

NOTE: Dalam kehidupan sehari-hari tu, biasalah kalau ada tegigit lidah, tersalah cakap, tersilap paham…itu semua Lumrah. Jadi pandai2 kita ja camana mau handle. Kalau kita mau jadikan benda tu racun dalam hidup kita, kita juga yang susah kan? So kalau benda2 ni terjadi…pandai2 la cari jalan supaya kita akan terus gembira. Hidup bukannya lama ba. Sayang menyayang la sesama kita supaya hidup lagi ceria dan diberkati :)

Ok guys…I think I can use the time for a little shopping after this. Sudah2 la sia mendera diri sia ni kan. Time for some rewards! Muahsss all.