"Are You Happy Now?"

My bestfriend called me up just now. As usual, she started the conversation. Too much work and then getting into a stupid misunderstanding with our other friend lately. I became the place where she came to, and I could only advise her the best I could. I mean, I didn’t get to deal with the petty things she did because I have avoided the potential cause in the first place. It’s pity because her job is much more demanding than mine and yet she has to deal with toxic people. It’s really energy consuming.

Then suddenly she popped out this question. “I want to ask you, Do you feel happy now? Kau rasa bahagia ka sama life kau sekarang?” Then I went…eemmm.. emmm…”Aiks what kind of question is that? Well…I think I have reasons to be happy with my life now, although it’s not yet the best that I can get. Why?” Then she said, “Because I don’t know what to feel with my life now. There’s just too much things bothering me now.” Looking at her life, she has so much more than I do but she still feels insufficient. If that’s the case, I can’t really help her. She must try to look at the brighter side.

And what intrigues me the most is when someone asked me the question whether or not I’m happy with my life – I was a bit hesitant of what to answer. That it made me thinking that I do know that my life is not the best I could get. I still have elements that are lacking and even how much I want to hide it, it shows simply when someone posed me that question out of nowhere.

Now that I realize all over again that my life is insufficient of a few elements, where can I go from here? At least I know and admit it, right? I come to learn that I’m just an imperfect human being, with an imperfect life… but does that mean I just have to accept this insufficiency – thinking that there’s no way an imperfect human being can have a life so good and pretty much enough for everything?

I just think that it’s very fair. I can’t be there at the top when the fact is I’m still climbing the ladder. It’s meant to be that my life is not THERE yet. Speaking of climbing the ladder, I remember many years ago this thanksgiving party made for me to after my little success. Getting straight As for my exam. Many of them came and shook hands with me, giving me something. Most of them are my relatives. And when it was my Moing’s turn to shake hands with me, she said something quite shocking. “Mudah-mudahan kau macam tu tangga…kau dari bawah dan pelan2 naik atas” Then I was a bit disturbed, because that time I felt like I was already at the top. “Hey, that could not work for me,” I thought. But then, she was right. My grades were plunging. But after it all happened, I ask myself maybe I would never know how tough is it to actually experience how to climb every step of the ladder had I not fell that badly. Sometimes I wonder if life is purposely giving my Moing’s wish a way – that I must start at the bottom before I could be on top. Damn it was painful. Although I have left the painful years of falling and trying to regain my pride but I don’t think the wound will be completely gone. When your pride is hurt the wound is going to stay. Who cares about the freaking wound, right? One day, I want to smile and be thankful that I have once fallen flat on the ground. Maybe not yet. But one day. I’ll make that happen.

Maybe you should ask yourself too, Are You Happy With Your Life Now? :)

Note: Remember, Happiness is A Decision :)