"I'm Stress-Free He Said?"

From this blog alone, you know that I always become the place where people come and share their problems and grief. In other words, I share their burden and lighten their stress, just by lending my ears and give my views. Some of my friends even said that I’m almost like a Stress Therapist. It’s nothing to brag about because that’s what they said. Surprisingly, I don’t hear that only from one person. I keep hearing even the new friends say that to me, even my customers and strangers who only meet me for the first time. First, I thought that remark is rather irritating. Especially after they took much of my time when I have other things to do. I think that it’s just to say “sorry” for taking much of my time. But at one point, I think they might have a point. But does that mean I’m a stress-free person?

I think that my burden is always heavier because I like to think “overtime”. I like to think what people think doesn’t worth thinking. I often worry about the issues that are almost invisible. So you guys just imagine something bad happen to me, I could easily been totally crushed and wrecked, and sunk, and drown…whatever you want to call it.

Anything but Stress-Free, agree?

So when someone told me that he thought I am a very stress-free person, I was startled. He said that the people that he meets often speak about stress, and even passing their stress to other people. I’m different because when I talk, I talk like I have a mind free from stress like everything is going smoothly in my life. He said, he’s surprised that whenever he called me, suddenly all his stress was gone, and his brain is charging rapidly. He even asked me, “256, don’t you have stress ka? How come you always sound cheerful and happy? You’re very different!”

Unfortunately, I know myself better. I said to him, “I do have stress. But I don’t feel the needs to share with you about my stress. I don’t think it’s even an option. What for? And it doesn’t mean that when I don’t talk about stress, I don’t have stress, okay?”

I write about this because today is a very stressful day for me. It’s so stressful that I feel very weak to even walk properly. The kind of burden in my heart now is almost indescribable. It’s so so heavy and I feel like crying. I imagine that if someone else in my place, she might handle this easily than me. I told you guys I am very weak. It’s so bad. I always become the shoulder to cry on when people have problems. But is this the price to be me? I don’t have that shoulder that I can really feel comfortable to cry on. Even to the closest person I know, I’m just not used to share my burden.

I sms-ed my big bro and said something funny. He is very busy for this festive season so we don’t usually talk and joke like the normal days. But still, I sms him because I want to find a reason to smile. I could not let him know that I was not feeling good. Instead, I told him about the cute things that happened this morning when I felt like one hot lady – when a few different guys were whistling and greeting me when I walked by. Hahahahahaahahahahahahaha. I remember when the car passed me by, the guy slowed down and honked me and waved at me. Hahahahahahahahaha. I was not bragging about the “funny attention” I got this morning, I thought it was so funny. So I used that incident to SMS my big bro so that I could cheer him up too just in case he was also feeling down. I told my bro – Laling I feel so cute laa this morning…*Lols. And I said, “I think I wear a bit more sexy laa…I think that’s why the guys are going nuts. Hahahahahaahahahahahahhaha. I knew it that this could make my big bro smile. And he replied me with a very happy laughing SMS. It cheered me up a lot. But he didn’t know I was having a bad day. That’s how I hide my grieving heart. People don’t have to know I’m feeling bad inside. Why should they know that I’m breaking inside? It’s so much nicer to spread laughter than tears.

Percaya atau tidak, bila sia diuji dengan masalah2 macam ni, blog sia ni seolah-olah mau ketawakan sia. Blog sia bilang sama sia, “Nahhh, kau ingat balik apa kau tulis tu. Mana sudah peginya positive thinker tu?” Tapi masa kita susah, memang susah sikit mau jadi positive. Sia cuma cakap sama God, “Lord, please don’t make that look baa…I know la this is just a worldly game and look at me, sikit2 pun sudah mau nangis. Sedangkan ini semua cuma mainan dunia ja. Apa yang lagi besar dari kuasa Tuhan kan? Bila pikir betul2, kita boleh end up rasa diri ni terlampau naïve dan tidak tau apa2. Sia rasa blog sia ni macam satu tamparan sama sia bila sia diuji. Sebab blog sia ni tempat sia tulis semua pikiran2 sia yang rasional. Bila sia jadi nda rasional, macam blog sia ni keluar lidah pula sama sia. Hahahahahahaha.

Well guys…I am feeling a bit better now. Masa sia sedang tulis ni, actually sia paused kejap sebab I get a call. Itu call betul2 macam satu answered prayer yg berkaitan sama stress sia ni. Wow…baru juga kita cakap pasal kuasa Tuhan. Sia pernah buat this little game with God, I said, If this is to test how mighty is my Lord, that when I face a big problem, I will not worry. I will put all my faith in him. And see how He actually handles it for me. What I can do is to act in my capacity to look for solution but the rest will still depend on him. Guess what? After sia buat beberapa test tu, sia sentiasa dapat kembali senyum selepas satu siri pressure and stress yang melampau-lampau. Berkali-kali sia amazed dengan kebesaran Tuhan. Tapi berkali-kali jugalah kita akan lupa balik. Kalau teda masalah yang datang, entah2 kita akan terus lupa. Tu la dorang cakap, masalah tu akan bawa kita dekat dengan Tuhan.

Sia cuma remind myself satu benda. Macamana teruk pun masalah sia, apa yang sia mau havoc sangat? Family sia sihat, sia sihat, kawan2 sia sihat, ada orang2 yang sayang sia, then apa lagi sia mau? What could be that bad ba kan? Semua problem di dunia ni temporary saja ba. God cuma mau kasi rasa kita asam garam hidup ja, and dia mau kita gembira bila kita berjaya melaluinya. Dia cuit2 sikit pun kita sudah lintang pukang. Dia mau tinguk camana kita handle ba tu. God cuma kasi sia sikit ja sebab dia tau sia lemah that :) Manatau kamurang pun stress sekarang ni, harap2 terubat juga hati kamu tu bila baca apa sia tulis ni ok guys…yang di atas tu sedang senyum2 tinguk kita tu. Kamurang nda malu ka antuk kepala di dinding? *Lols. Nahh…jan buat yg bukan2 ah. Have faith in Him. Jan banyak tanya. Kau buat dulu baru kau tau apa sia maksudkan. :)