"What Have I Done?"

I came to IRC in August last year and have been chatting quite frequently. Everything looked normal to me. I didn’t expect to get a welcome from anyone since that nobody knew me. I came as a new chatter, and I came with a good intention. I want to have a laughing good time and yeah... I might be flirting A LOT. That was how I was when I first came. I flirt a lot in the channel, because the way I see it, flirting is a good joke that can make people excited and then join. That’s the idea. It’s to have a fun conversation where the chatters can laugh together and practise their writing creativity. It’s predictable that public channel flirting is actually for the fun of it. If you understand, you won’t simnply judge people by the way they chat in public channel. Anyway, I must admit that sometimes my jokes went out of hand. The flowing conversation sometimes got a little too nasty. *Lols. I mean, I got warned by one of the ops during this one public channel chat because of that. Hahaahahaha. I mean, if it wasn’t a “good” stuff enough to be called nasty, I don’t think I’ll get warned. Hahahaha. Okay, I apologize because she was right that maybe the minors couldn’t take that kind of conversation. I mean, it wasn’t that bad, ok? I just used a bit of creativity to answer some smart chatter who was having fun too. Okay...now, what did that make me?

A few days ago, someone finally told me something I didn’t know about the reaction of some chatters when I first came. I didn’t ask about who those chatters are but I think it’s doesn’t matter that much. They gave some kind of reactions –

“Who is that woman? Why all of a sudden she is getting all the attention? Who is she?”

And it even caused misunderstanding between some people and maybe some arguments among them too which I didn’t ask in detail. But hey, I mean, so this thing actually happened behind my back? I have no freaking idea whatsoever. I asked the person, “Why only tell this to me now?” The person said, “Because the conflicts are between other people”. “But my name was in there, right? What have I done to make people argued?” – yeah, as usual. The curious 256 never stops asking questions.

Is it because of the flirting that I hurt some heart? I mean, I used to flirt with everyone because I didn’t know them and they didn’t know me. It’s totally innocent to me. If they responded, then the conversation could get longer. Hey, this is IRC right? People come to chat and have fun. You can’t blame people in IRC just because they CHAT!! *Lols. Hey wait, I didn’t just flirt. I recall many sensible chats that I had with the other chatters, sharing ideas and opinions and they were indeed fruitful.

Maybe if I knew I was going to hurt any heart by flirting with some people who are taken or booked or anything for that matter – maybe I know who I should avoid. Or, maybe I would still do it because I fail to feel guilty until now – because my intention is just for everyone to have fun. I NEVER misunderstand those who flirt with me. In public chats, it’s just about getting the conversation going. If you type and someone else answers, then we have a conversation. That’s the point. And the benefit of this, the silent chatters who prefer to watch other people chat would have something to watch and read and maybe a reason to laugh too. It always goes back to the intention, my dear friends.

Speaking of “the attention” that they said I get, I don’t think so. I think that it’s something normal when you write so much, then people have more to read from you, then people would remember your nick. It happens to everyone. I am just a talkative chatter. People have the chances to reply something to me back and it gets me going on and on and on. I’m sure that if I join the channel and keep quiet, no one would even care to type my nick. So, what kind of special attention that a humble chatter like me can get?

What kind of “a threat” can someone like me bring to the people who are around much longer and frequent than I am? My gosh. You people got me so so curious!!

Yesterday, a chatter came to me and said something about me being “mean” and “cunning” – yeah, you guessed it. It could be the flirting thing. Oh man, I thought that I have toned down my flirting thing especially after I released this blog. Considering that the chatter is newer than me (maybe?) so I don’t know how he could come up with that. Of course I was curious so I asked, In what way can I be mean here? So it’s the flirting thing. He said that some guys might not get it that I am only playing around. Some of them might think I was serious. Maybe it was such an eyesore that I just keep playing around with different nicks at different times. Although he justified it and said he understood that I did it to entertain myself, but the other guys might not know. In other words, I might be playing with some hearts. Oh man, are you sure I did something like that? I don’t think so!!

Those who got a step closer to me, know and understand my way of doing it. If you think I’m playing with some hearts, prove it to me! If some guys come to me and say all the sweet stuff – especially in private channel, it’s not me who said what they were saying, right? It’s them! And if you think that my way of chatting in the channel makes the guys go crazy and want to dig more about me – that is so unfair to me. Why? Because I have no control over other people’s emotions. If they feel good or bad about me, it’s by their own will. Right? One more thing, let’s say my light banter “started the fire” – and some people misunderstood, it should have led somewhere by now, right? I mean, if it was in my bad intention that something like that happened, I should get even excited and prolong the game by letting them got carried away with that misunderstanding, right? But what have I done so far? I only have my little humble blog for people to stay connected to me when I’m not available in IRC. So how far can that misunderstand go? You can untwist this misunderstanding by the way that I ‘m not that approachable. People have ALL the reasons in the world to just “let go” someone like me, Oh, she’s so sombong la, she’s not approachable la, she’s so arrogant la, apa2 saja laa, but how much of a attention-getter that I can be when I am that damn unapproachable?

Okay, even if I really get that much attention they said I get (which I don’t), I think it’s just a small “nothing” for people to make a fuss about it. I don’t like it when I get blamed for something I’m not responsible in. I actually got a bit stressed out about this yesterday and luckily my dear big brother was around to hear me out. I asked him, “Why this thing happens to me ah?” He knew that I started to sound sad. I don’t like to feel stressed out. I have been doing all I can to protect myself from all the elements that could disturb my emotions. When I said I don’t like stress, I mean it. I was starting to feel bad about this whole thing. Though I have a very good feeling about almost everyone in the channel, but I come to learn the possibility that some people don’t feel the same way towards me. And knowing my own intention to be around here, I think that this is just too much to blame on me. I even said to my bro, “I think I could retire IRC la this way...” He said, “If you want to retire because it makes you happy, I can’t stop you. But it’s SAD you do it because of some nonsense that come from the people who don’t know you.” I want to say thanks to my bro to always have something good to say to me and sooth my raging emotions. *giggles.

So, I want to say apologize if I did cause arguments and misunderstanding between some people – although I believe that most of these people should have known by now that 256 is not a bad person after all. If I break some hearts, I’m sorry. If I’m unapproachable and it pissed some people off, I’m sorry. There are a number of people who have access to me so it’s not my intention to play the mysterious character in IRC. Like you, I only want to have fun, take a break from everyday’s stress from work ... and yes, I do appreciate friendships. It’s just that, I’m not comfortable with overexposing myself with new people who I don’t know much about. I hope this blog is a bridge between us and I really do appreciate you, my readers. (Yeah, you must be my reader to be reading this line now. *Lols).

So, I hope this post will help to clear the air, a little bit la, in case I’m asking too much.

Thanks guyss :)