Yesterday, I had a conversation with a female friend. I was surprised to learn that she has been engaging “very closely” with a guy I also know. This friend of mine is engaged and I have met her fiancé too. The thing is, why that friend still shows and gives time and attention to another guy? The guy works doorsteps away from her and she said that even from their respective workplace, they sms about a lot of things. And it goes on until midnite. The guy knows she’s engaged. The lady’s fiancé also knows that she is sms-ing with a guy who works in the same building. Of course he doesn’t approve it but the lady feels that she’s doing “nothing wrong”. She would rather argue with her fiancé than trying to sooth him by saying “I’ll stop sms-ing him.” The guy said that the only reason why the 2 of them sms-ing each other is because they are attracted to each other and he said, the other guy should know and respect the lady’s status as someone’s fiancée so he should draw a distance. So far, nothing bad happens yet. But I understand what the lady has in mind. She feels that this is totally innocent. And then, I learnt that, she has also gone to movies alone with the other guy. My gawd. Are you sure no feelings whatsoever? This is starting to sound like a denied attachment, my dear friend. People are becoming more liberal these days, I should have known? Hahaha.
I asked her one simple question. WHAT IF your fiancé, does something like you do now? Sms-ing another girl with your knowledge, and when you start to snap, he explains the same thing you have been explaining him, that this is just friendship, don’t you believe me? Guess what her answer was? She went silent. She couldn’t say a damn word. And after the silence, she finally said, “I think I must feel uneasy too.” Then the puzzle is now solved. Don’t blame your fiancé for doubting you because you would feel the same way too if you were in his shoes, and guess what? You are not even in his shoes yet, but already you feel the pressure of trying to guess what it would be like to change place.
But I also understand the sincerity in her voice. She knows where her heart is. Friends are friends and the fiancé is still the guy that she loves. But I refused to make it easy for her though I could use my logic to understand. “Do you sms a lot with your fiancé?” She said Nope. “And why is that?” She answered, “Maybe because we have run out of topics to talk about. We’ve been in a relationship for 3 years and there’s not much to talk about anymore.” So my dear readers, let’s justify. The needs to love and make friends are separable. The one you love might not be the best person to chat with, and vice versa. Wow…it’s almost revolutionary. I always believe that “a partner” is everything you need. Like he’s my lover, he’s also my bestfriend. I don’t want to separate it. It’s unfair. Do I have that much space to divide between 2 guys? Even if I do have that space, why must I divide. They are both guys. Why don’t my guy be both to me? Do we need an alternative so that in case anything bad happens, we won’t be lost and alone? Why make that an option to begin with? Isn’t that selfish? Ahaa…there go the questions like neverending.
With all the heated arguments that caused by her Honesty, I think that she puts herself in a mess. I just popped out this. “Actually, you don’t have to tell him everything. To avoid problems and misunderstanding, don’t have to tell him that you are sms-ing another guy” She explained to me why she should. She wants to avoid any untoward incidents that could happen if she doesn’t tell him. After her explanation, I understood. She did the right thing.
It’s still strange to me though. Her liberalism taught me a good lesson. I wished that I could be like her. Her relationship is not fragile. She herself is not fragile. She can do anything she thinks is right and still can keep what she has. As for me, I realize all over again how hard I had tried and done to keep things mine to remain mine and still lost them – and I wasn’t even that liberal, something that I thought could bring damage to a relationship. The experience of putting a Fullstop to any friendships with “the other guy” had taken my life away. And this lady right here knows how to not lose her life and still keep her love. At least, for now.
Maybe some people are born to do things slightly differently. But an sms affair is just nothing compared to “to whom your heart is beating faster for” – no freaking sms can change that, right? Why, then maybe I should blow this up, right?
As long as you know who you love, that’s good enough.
My other suggestion would be, if you don’t need the fire and can afford to stay away from it, better stay away from it. Because the fire is tame when it’s small, but when it’s big, sometimes it’s too late you even try to put it off. You just get burnt. What do you say? :)
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