What?? Are You A Lesbian?!!

I still remember back in college. One of my new roommates ni tomboy ba. Muka bukan main garang. Tidak mau senyum. Sia pun takut ni. But satu kali dia senyum, terus mcm katun ba muka dia. Langsung teda sudah “macho” dia… cos nampak terus keperempuanannya. Hahahaahaha. Okay, dipendekkan cerita. Entah kenapa, I felt so secured when I was with her. I felt protected. The fact that she jalan mcm lelaki, and she didn’t senyum sembarangan like most girls yang control ayu. Hahahahaha. I remember, walking along with her. I got really really manja sometimes by hugging her arm and the most extreme was, I even laid my head on her shoulder when we cerita2 in the dorm. She acted so cool because most of our friends yg perangai mcm sia, akan manja sama dia ni. One day…I learnt my lesson. After I felt so comfortable being her friend and be around her, she said to me, “Now, you’re my girlfriend (makwe). And yang paling bikin malu lagi, dia cakap depan2 yang lain ba yang I was officially her makwe. I was like, “WHAT?? Kau gila ka?” Punya malu sia tu masa. Sebab sudahlah dia tu mcm tomboy, bila dia announce dia ada makwe, lagilah org confirm dia ni “bukan setakat tomboy” pada luaran. And suddenly, that sarcastic smile on her face kan became a view yang sangat2 mengelikan di mata sia. Sia rasa sia menjadi mangsa pula masa tu, sebab selama ini, sia lihat dia sebagai seorang perempuan, dan seolah-olah selama ini, dia actually ada satu “romantic” feeling towards all the friendly touching and stuff. Yikes!! Punyala sia geliii tu masa. Deii mataizz. Terus sejak tu, sia tidak lagi cakap dekat2 sama dia because I was sending her the message, “Do Not Call Me Your Makwe” AGAIN!!!

Actually, this friend of ours already has a steady makwe back in her hometown. We should have known better that THIS THING called “attraction towards the same sex” DOES EXIST. Yes, people. It Does Exist. Are you one of those?

I won’t talk much about this because sudah bertimbun kes2 di seluruh dunia. We know this thing really do exist. This is not about culture, it’s not about lifestyle… IT’S EVERYWHERE. It’s born with you. Sometimes, we tend to accuse yg, bagus2 kita dilahirkan perempuan dan lelaki tu berpasangan, mau juga yang sama jantina. Nowadays, it’s not something unheard of. Same sex marriage even legalized in some countries. It’s something against the religion, I guess? I think everyone have a thousand reasons why Same Sex Relationship is WRONG, but maybe we need only ONE TRUE REASON why we have to ACCEPT it as…what do you call it, A FACT OF LIFE? What If… You are born with it. You find yourself attracted to this person from the same sex and you’re so helpless. Your feelings get stronger and stronger. It’s almost unbearable. You need the person so badly and it’s more than just…A Normal Attraction. It becomes sexual and it becomes more intense than just sexual. Your needs and longing desires come from the most sensitive part of your heart. You want to be with the person and you want the person to be part of your life. Okay, stop there. Now…how do you handle that? Now you can scream, “For Pete’s Sake, I Know This Is Wrong, And I Don’t Ask For This!!! Can You People Understand?!!! I Don’t Ask For This, Okkayyy???!!

In this country, Same Sex Relationship is still considered a TABOO. People still have to hide and you still can get that funny stares if you get brave enough to admit, “I Am Gay” and guess what, mostly it will followed by laughter, Hahahahaha, You Must Be Kidding. But hey, I don’t have to knock on your head to tell you once again, “Something Like This Is As Real As Can Be.”

Di sini, sia bukan mau berdebat ini punya isu. Isu yang mcm gini, kalau mau berdebat pun sama mcm anjing menyalak bukit. There’s Nothing you can say or do that can fix this. This isn’t fixable. You can’t Fix A Fact. You can’t go to a your gay friend and say, “Hey, bagus kau bertobat la. Kau ni buat dusa ja suka sama jantina. Bagus kau insaf la, Bagus2 sudah Tuhan jadikan kita berpasangan, kau gatal pegi suka sama2 lelaki tu, apa pasal? Kau gila sudah ka?” Sia rasa, kau timbak pun kawan kau tu, nda jua kau buli ubah dia punya sexual orientation tu. Sebab daripada apa yang sia pernah baca, dorang ini bukan tiada otak mau berpikir. Dorang mungkin pintar dan hebat dan sangat2 maskulin, and believe me… dengan penerimaan masyarakat sekeliling dan tohmahan buruk orang ke atas dorang, dorang ini sudah CUKUP TERSIKSA. Kamu ada ka satu keburukan yang kamu paling2 tidak suka? Satu keburukan yang buat kamu diejek dan diketawakan? Nah, mesti kamu pernah juga cakap, “Bukan sia yang minta dilahirkan macam ni.” Now, you put yourself in the shoes orang2 yang suka sama jantina, and FEEL IT. It’s something like that, my friends.

Okay, I’m straight. I lurvee guys. At least, I am rest assured that I have nothing to worry about when it comes to my sexual tendency. Sia tidak dapat pikir untuk mereka yang TIDAK senasib dengan sia. One thing I know for sure, To Be Different Is Not Easy. Sia tidak dapat tulung you guys pikir macamana mau handle this stigma yang masyarakat beri pada kamu. Sia cuma ada my little voice untuk share something sama orang lain yang SIAPALAH KITA UNTUK MENGHAKIMI MEREKA dan sebelum kita mau bertindak jadi Tuan Majistret mau menghakimi mereka, bagus lagi kita tinguk diri sendiri yang BELUM TENTU sebaik mana. Jangan la susah2 mau pikir apa mau jadi sama dorang ini sebab Berat Mata Memandang, Berat Lagi Bahu Memikul. Dorang pun manusia juga, ada hati dan perasaan. Jangan la kita menghukum sesama sendiri dengan sesuatu yang dikurniakan dari atas. Sikit pun kita tidak layak untuk tau apa dalam pikiran kita punya Creator to let something like this exist dalam hidup ni.

Kita terima saja each other dengan kebaikan yang ada pada diri dorang, dan kalau dorang ni di kalangan kawan2 kita, jangan pula kita menyisihkan dorang hanya kerana sexual tendency yang berbeza, apa lagi kalau dia tidak pun melanggar batas2 persahabatan. Bottom line, kita cuma mahukan keamanan saja ba. We hope the best for the human race and masing2 la pikir pasal amalan masing2. Siapalah kita untuk menghakimi dorang, apa lagi bila dorang sendiri pun tidak minta untuk dilahirkan begitu. Think about it. :)

Note: Pasal kawan sia tu, sia mulanya kasi batas pergaulan sia sama dia supaya tiada salah paham, and sekejap saja, sia dapat juga anggap dia mcm kawan perempuan yang lain, without prejudice. Sia anggap benda2 yang lepas tu satu gurauan dan sia langsung tidak kasi besar2 perkara tu sebab org pun bukan tiada otak mau pikir. Kau sendiri kena pandai send the right signal yang u have limits that others can’t cross. As simple as that. Jangan jadikan benda ni mcm “kudis” dalam persahabatan yang buli dibuat secara sihat. :)