Even how matured I have become, or how much wisdom I have, still I am still subject to anger and grudges. Despite being a person of Peace, a person who talks about positive things most of the time, still, I believe that people can’t use that excuse to step on me. It’s a very simple rule. I say it again, RESPECT is such a big word. If people break this rule, I will then have reason to break that same rule, against them. And also, I believe that if I can’t change people , and they don’t even show some feeling of remorse or guilt, then I rather avoid these people than to get stuck with them and let them poison my mind and my heart by speaking bad words about them. I want to focus on the positive things in my life and let the toxic people stay out of it. This is among the cruelest thing I did in my life. To me, it’s my last resort of not making more intentional sin, which means sins that I can avoid but I still do. By keeping them away, I will not keep anger in my heart. Let them be in the world of their own. If I don’t do they good, at least I won’t do them bad. It’s the best thing for both people, I think.
Knowing that I have that kind of way in handling toxic people in my life,I have already disowned one friend of mine before, who brought really bad influence to me by her social lifestyle and toxic attitudes. Earlier today, I was so close to disown another friend who has been giving so much heartache not just to me but also to anyone else around her for that matter. No one has so far escaped from her. She cheated people’s money and the next time, she just forget about it and pretend innocent. Looks like she’s gonna drag more and more people in her really bad money management, and I thought that she has enough people to bother. I decided to just send her a text message, that I consider anything that she owed me is settled BUT she should never show up in my office again. Yeah, sounds so bad, right? I had to. I wanted her to know that it’s because I am someone she knows, doesn’t give her the right to just take advantage of my kindness. Someone has to give her a lesson. No one has done that so far. They just swallowed and talked behind her back and repeatedly get hurt by her. I have too many things to do. Don’t have time for that.
I was thinking again and again, if the text was proper. That she would understand and won’t get hurt. Something delayed me. And then another, and then another. It gave me time to think harder. When I was finally ready to send, I just sent a very short one instead of a long one, too short to even say my intention. Shortly after that, she appeared at my office door, with a bright jovial face. The moment I saw her, I could see some sincerity in her face. Oh God, I thought I just forgave her right then and there. She came to pay all her debt, which I planned not to ask her to pay so she could stop bothering me. I didn’t care much about the money, it’s the kind of betrayal when I thought she took advantage of her friendship with me. So we talked like usual and when I saw that happy face on her, I WAS SO THANKFUL TO GOD that I did not send her the text message that would definitely spoil her good mood. I would make things more complicated if that happened. Arguments could happen and it gonna lead to more heartache. Yeah, sometimes we are not thinking straight. We still do silly things. We are never too smart for another mistake. While she was talking in front of me like nothing happened, I recalled my morning prayer. Every morning before I leave my room, I will read this prayer, and I sort of memorize the prayer because it’s always relevant to ask for God’s guidance everyday. I speak this particular line in Malay since it’s straight to the point, and I first heard or read this prayer in Malay also. So it goes like this, “Teranginya akal dan fikiran kami supaya kami boleh melihat dan menilai sesuatu perkara dengan betul dan bijaksana, dan membantu kami untuk membuat keputusan yang tepat.” My prayer was answered. I remember that even how angry I was, I still have that little compassion asking me to THINK AGAIN before I send that text message. And that’s how a friendship was saved today. Thank You, Lord.
I hope the journey in the friendship with her gonna be better this time after she told me the most painful experience she had a month ago that really taught her some lesson about her mistake. Although I have dissed a friend, I don’t favour to lose even another one if I can keep them all. May God protect the valuable friendship that we have with one another. Amen.
Picture Of The Day
Back in primary 5, our English teacher told us that our memory is never enough to memorize everything. That's why we need a notebook. I only listen to it now. Hehehe. I need a notebook that I can bring anywhere and just jot down anything instant that cross my mind. I have wasted and lost a lot of good piece of mind because I thought that bring a notebook with you is outdated and tedious. NO, it's not. This book takes little space in my handbag, and so far it already helps alot. *giggles. Oh the numbers are so cool...the are in shiny gold outlines. hehehee.
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