“Never Properly Married”

This thought crossed my mind. I remember having talks with my chatfriends about marriage. How much you should have to afford a wedding so on and so forth. Most of the guys got really discouraged when they realized that the wedding cost them everything that they won’t even get to see in their saving account. I mean, those who get married in their 20’s, mostly are paid by their parents. If you want to pay your own wedding, maybe it will take years down the road. Oh man, we are talking about the ceremony here people. Do you know that the ceremony is NOT part of the marriage life at all? I mean, the marriage life begins AFTER the ceremony. What? You spent that much for what? If you can tell me that the big ceremony will secure you at least 10 years of happy marriage – At least u can spend all your saving and loan money to freaking make that big event of wedding of the year with a big light heart!

Just my radical mind, so forgive me. We speak badly about the western culture. If you recall Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are Never Married and they already have 3 kids together. They are seen everywhere together. Both still active in acting and still making big money. The kids sure have nothing to worry in terms on inheritance. People call them Mr and Mrs Pitt even though they never have this so-called ceremony that pronounces them legally married to each other. Why I think that they live the BETTER definition of marriage compared to majority of the married couple out there? For your information, I do know that to have a marriage blessed is part of our responsibility as the followers of our religion. But try to look at this beyond belief, religion and culture. Let’s talk about The Essence of marriage. What Is That Freaking Essence?! To Be Happy Together, agree or not?

This life is full of Unnecessary Things. The big wedding ceremonies for example – do you know how many lovers don’t get to marry yet because they cannot afford the ceremony? How many loving couples have to end their relationship because they refuse to change their religion? (Note: There are countries that allow different religions marriage but not here). I mean, isn’t it good that we can just concentrate on what really counts in making marriages work? The marriage life alone is already Very Tough. You have to deal with trust, loyalty, responsibility etc. Can we just simply focus on what gonna count in real marriage instead of entertaining to too much formalities that humans create just to complicate matters? Do you guys know that because of formalities, Marriage could be as Unreal as can be. People get married for the wrong reasons and I’m not trying to be prejudice here, but what do you expect from this? People who thought they have found their soul mate, also ended their marriage in vain. Ouuuch!!

The reality of marriage today is NOT necessarily about 2 people being in love – Suddenly it becomes a ritual that “every adult should go through” or even paper signing (sthing like signing Memorandum of agreement) that, or maybe “we need grandchildren so you much find someone to marry!” or maybe “Uh-oh, age is catching up, I must get married now” and all the likes. I think that it’s drifted too far from the real purpose. And then some people start talking about the skyrocketing divorce statistic, they start asking question, “What’s wrong with today’s marriage? Why can’t they last forever like the ones of our parents and ancestors? Don’t you guys think we are bothered too much by formalities that we forgot that marriage is for 2 people to share and life and Be Happy together?

I have this one friend with a Very rare case. She was engaged to her boyfriend 4-5 years ago. But since both don’t have a decent job, they delayed their wedding for another and another year. In fact, they have registered at the church to book for their wedding mass but, believe it or not, they cancelled it in the last minute because they decided they could not have the proper complete ceremony. And guess what, they did it for at least 3 times so the church kept canceling their names in the last minute. Last year, finally they were determined to get married and make it happened this time. The girl sewed her own wedding gowns, at least 3 altogether. They had it all planned. The wedding must take place that year. Now after months later, the ceremony never took place. The last excuse that the girl gave was their house needed a lot of repair because it was getting really old and they planned to do the ceremony there. The villagers were talking of course. But they got tired because there was nothing they could do when the couple faced so many problems to hold the proper ceremony. Anyway, they finally did civil marriage because it was simpler and less hassle. Now I look at my friend – she’s very happy. She refers to the guy as “my husband” though I know the marriage was not yet “legal” since it has not yet blessed in church and there is no wedding ceremony that takes place. I used to ask her about the wedding blessing but now I never ask again. I think that eventhough she’s not “properly” married in terms of formalities, but her heart knows she is properly married because she’s happy with her man and they are seen like a romantic couple who are always there for each other. I never hear that she complains about her man, unlike the others who got married properly. As a matter of fact, most of them have marriage problems and some are in the verge of breaking up. Then these people show me that something is wrong with how we handle marriage nowadays.

To complete each other. To be there for each other. To share joy and pain. To accept and never judge each other. To stay by each other’s side till death do them part. If they can meet all those, even if you are “Never Married” in other people’s eyes, I would happily say that these people are those who are indeed “Properly Married” cos they Found Back the truest meaning of Marriage :)