How Silence Helped Me…

Yesterday was very trying for me. I don’t like surprises. When it’s not a good one, I always give a foul reaction. Foul reactions only give rooms for regrets. I hate regrets. I don’t want to regret anything. Not anymore.

The news I received gave me mixed reaction. I was too shocked at first, I didn’t even know what to answer back, even if it was the form of text messages. I just paused there and my brain was defining that “Oh No, this is a bad time,” so that’s when something sharp coming from inside. It’s a kind of pain, I’m sure. But a little voice in me said, “Hey hey, this is too early. We don’t know yet the right reaction towards this.” The little voice could be right. I was too shocked. I didn’t know how to react towards it, and what kind of emotions should involve. “This pain is premature. No, not yet.”

But the pain was tearing my heart apart because I gave in to my weaknesses by running my assumptions at a very high speed. From just the little news, I made up the beginning and ending of the story that happened so spontaneously inside my mind that I almost forgot that I MADE THIS ALL UP. The assumptions were like almost a composition of a complete book. “No, no, something is wrong. I can’t build this pain over assumptions. I can’t be this stupid.”

I needed the silence. Only in silence I could really be fair to my judgment without getting influenced by so many different elements that come from my brain. When I’m in silence, I can be rational again. I can focus. It’s not a fun journey. At one point the sharp pain kept tearing the flesh and forced my eyes to become watery. I couldn’t explain why so many things were struggling inside me. It wasn’t an easy emotional journey. I should just let it out if I had to. Oh God it was so not easy. Surprisingly, if I had to cry a tear, a tear was all I need. This is the little journey. When you have to be sad and upset, just let it run its course. Don’t fight it. If u had to wet your pillow, then do it. But if you can hold it, hold. You have so many things to do during that silence. You tend to see things more clearly and the more your thoughts run, the more possibilities that come to your head. Suddenly your view is so broad. Instead of seeing things in 2 dimensions, it becomes 3. You guys know one thing? It’s during the silence when Wisdom actually takes the empty space. Trust me. Suddenly I didn’t feel like crying anymore. Suddenly I began to see reasoning and was not too obsessed with my assumptions. Suddenly I remember the saying that goes like 99% of what makes us worry – is NOT true. So just imagine how much energy is wasted. It’s all Over Nothing.

So when I woke up this early morning, my heart was light. My lips could form a smile. Suddenly the pain was gone. Suddenly I wanted to laugh at how I was the day before. Finally I could talk again, but this time I talked with senses. If only I allow myself to talk the day before, I could have said many stupid things over my false judgment. I could hurt people and I could end up hurting myself. I could end up feeling stupid and the list goes on. They would go straight to my Regrets list. I have Silence to thank because if gives me the space I need to really digest the details of my situation and make wisdom helped me to generate the right kind of response.

I finally settle the matter really well. Everyone is happy and no one has to spend another nite crying. You don’t have to rush things when u are not sure how to react. Just allow silence in for the interval and you’ll be surprised How Wise you could become after that Silence. Silence has helped once, I sure will need its help again. Try it :)