Kita takut kita dipergunakan. Kita takut orang lain ambil kesempatan. Tapi sedar atau tidak, adakalanya we purposely put ourselves in that situation so that people can benefit from us. I think I know how it feels. Now I also let something like that happens. So I am now experiencing this act with my own body and mind.
I’m purposely being there for this friend of mine because I KNOW he might need a good company. He went through a bitter breakup and he’s struggling to get over it. I come right in time. And I let myself chip in to his life in his longing time. I know that he’s in a fragile state. Someone who just went through a breakup would easily turn to others for support. I came out of nowhere and make myself that support that he might need. I realize that I could be “used” or be taken advantage of – I mean, he might just come to me when he needs someone to share his heavy heart and not more than that. I know about it all along. But I don’t take it hard this time. I make it simple. This time, it’s really purely about helping him to move on. I don’t know why I want to help him. I don’t have anything to gain from this. I barely know him to like him that much, but still, I think I don’t mind lending my shoulder for him to cry on.
I think maybe I do find my own unique way to take a break from being selfish. Maybe I’m bored that I think about myself all the time. It’s all about what I want, what I need, what I like – and it’s all about Me, Myself and I. Maybe because I understand how he feels, I really feel it’s really NOTHING to just cheer him up. I know my gifts. I have this abilities to make people smile, and maybe, make them enjoy my company too. I know that I have those advantages. People have been telling me forever that sometimes they got really addicted talking to me in the early stage of a friendship. Thinking of all those things, I really feel that I’m not even doing anything more. I’m just being myself, and make a little space for this friend so that he feels that he’s not alone.
If people ask me if I have an agenda, the answer is NO. If I have an agenda, I wouldn’t want to do this. I’m better off doing something else. I am NOT doing any evaluation on him. Just an elementary test of chemistry. If we got each other’s tune right, I think my job is easier from there. He doesn’t have to have the qualities of the man that I might like. He doesn’t have to be romantic and melt my heart. He doesn’t have to sweet talk. Hell, I don’t even care if he thinks I’m attractive. It’s strange that I claim very little significance in this. This isn’t about me. It’s about me helping him. I think he needs my help. I don’t care about being classy or sophisticated [256] by impression. I just don’t care. I just want to be my little humble self and at the same time, help a friend.
Any sacrifice? Yes maybe a bit. I did sacrifice my time though. I think that’s how I make the space. But it’s the sacrifice that doesn’t affect me the bad way. My little thought said to me that I could quit this “job” anytime before it’s done, but I said, I’ll stay a little longer. I might leave as soon as he’s okay. I think by then, it’s a done mission. This guy doesn’t know that he needs me. He thinks that his life is better with me, but if I’m not there, he doesn’t think there would be much difference. But I know he’s happier because he has me. Maybe because he doesn’t request for this, he doesn’t know that he should savour that extra happiness.
I don’t know why. But until when that we gonna breath this air just for our heart to function properly and enough for us to see the sunshine tomorrow. Life is more than just us being alive and able to see the day. It’s about doing something good for someone else, in our very limited capacity. He’s just a heart. But if I help him get healed, a heart is a lot. Because I care enough to help. If you don’t care enough, nothing means anything.
Maybe I can continue taking a break from my selfishness. I feel that this gives myself a value that is beyond any definition. I think, I really should take a break from selfishness. Maybe…my friend doesn’t realize that he’s helping me too. Without him, I might never start to take a break from my selfishness right? Then… I should thank him too. :)
God and His Mysterious Plan on us …. Again :)
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