Which One Is Less Hurting?

I recalled one day when my bestfriend called me up. She wanted to ask for my opinion.

She said,

“A friend called me up and asked me, how do I cope with the lost of my dad. Is it still hurting after a year?”… “What I want to ask you is, which one is better, when your loved one fall sick for a long time, you get to visit him on the hospital bed and you are on his side until his last breath, Or when your loved one doesn’t show the sign of any serious sickness until the last minute that he just collapse and admitted to the hospital and gone before he says his last words?"

I went,

“Emmm…Actually the word “better” is not suitable. Nothing is ever “better” in the case involving losing our loved ones. “Less hurting” is more suitable.”

She continued,

“You know, I tried to compare my situation with that friend of mine, because recently her mom just collapse and went coma until her last breath. Before that she was totally healthy. She didn’t get to say final words because she never woke up from the sudden coma. Unlike my dad, we knew he was sick for a long time. He even got to speak about how he wanted his funeral to be done. – If I tried to compare, What For? In the end, it’s still the same. It’s the same kind of Unbearable Pain of losing. It doesn’t matter how it happens. That’s what I think.”

Then I responded,

“Okay, you’re right. But if you ask me, which one is less hurting. Of course your case is less hurting because you guys have enough time to Be Prepared for it, emotionally, spiritually and physically. You can do anything you want to do to cherish the last moments you have. Unlike the other case, there could be much regret because IF ONLY they knew they were gonna lose someone so dear, they could have done things differently. They would appreciate the times together much better than they did. You’re right, the dead will be gone, but it’s about US who are still alive, how to cope with the loss. I think that HOW you lose them helps how we cope with the loss.”

You guys get the idea?

Then I want to bring up the year 2012 which has been said to be the end of the world. Wow…isn’t it “great” that we know when the world is going to end? We know it’s going to end anyway, but to know WHEN it happens is something “very useful”. It’s the same with when you know you are going to live another 1 week, I bet you would do things differently. You won’t waste a freaking minute doing stuff that you usually do “to kill the time” cos the time you are killing now is not reaching to an end. It’s in fact an intriguing idea to KNOW your final time, because you can prepare for it. BUT…but…think about this for a moment. Do you agree when I say that by the time you learn about the final day, you would start to grieve and mourn silently for that coming day? I mean, you WON’T live your days the same anymore. Everything is dedicated to that final day. You will stop living without boundaries, you will forget about your ultimate dreams and all that. All you can do is reaching for what’s reachable. If you can reach only a handful, you would try to be happy with that handful that you can reach.

Emm…that’s sad right?

Suddenly, I want to entertain the other idea. MAYBE it’s just better if WE DON’T KNOW when it’s going to end. Maybe we can still live today as if we gonna live forever. Our emotion, our mental and physical are at the best freedom it can experience. We don’t put constraint. We gonna live thinking that this happiness is going to linger. I believe the feeling is so different. At least we get to ENJOY life until the end of it – without mourning for it before it’s time.

THINK ABOUT IT, my friends.

Whatever it is, it doesn’t matter what we think, cos when the final day comes, it’s going to take its toll anyway. But now, we are still breathing, right? Why worry so much about that final day when it’s gonna come anyway. We should worry more about how to live this life that we surely gonna leave one day.

:)