Behind Her Perfect Life

I always talked about this one friend of mine, whom I consider has everything in her life. From career to family, she achieves what the best we can imagine. Although the road was not clear and easy in the beginning, but then she was bold enough to go thru the tough stage in her life. When she had to work at KFC to earn a living in Peninsular, she did that. She lowered her ego as a degree holder. She fell in love with a man and then the man just turned toxic. She went thru emotional breakdown trying to convince herself to leave that man. She came back to Sabah, stronger than ever. And things began to fall in place for her. I always thought she was the most successful among us. These days, she likes to share motivational quotes in FB. And the good things happen in her life. Her job. Her kids. Her marriage. Her family. You can tell how everything is going smoothly in her life. Do I have to add that she lives in a mansion worth more than RM1 million? It belongs to the parents in law but then again, what are the odds of marrying a normal guy, and when the luck strikes, the next thing you are a millionaire's daughter in law. So you imagine how well things are in her life.

Recently she visited me and had breakfast together. She told she "almost died" from a virus infection and was bedridden for a week. I didn't even know that. Then her staff died from accident at work. She was answerable because it was under her division. I mean, she did not share all that on FB. There certainly many more things happening in her life but she did not share on FB. She might experience the worse kind of emotional breakdown trying to cope with everything but what she shares on FB was the most inspiring quotes for others to read. And then she revealed to me that her marriage is not that simple because her husband constantly demonstrates his satisfactions with silent treatment and she has to always make up to him for the smallest things. Since she is so successful in her career, even her husband couldn't catch up. It makes him feel uncomfortable and he dislikes it when she puts work above family time. But she likes the corporate world and the husband is not too happy so she has to let it go. The most shocking thing that she said to me not directly but in between the lines - that she is actually the one who puts foods on the table. Since the husband is working on contract-base. The economy is not so good so sometimes the husband is not earning for the whole year. Despite all the good things she shows on FB, the story behind it is just known to a few. 

I spent years admiring her life (though I'm not envious either because I have different preference) and many times I felt like a potato. I even felt embarrassed and surprised why she still shows much attention to our friendship. She will make time to meet me and talk to me. I silently thought, she doesn't even need me cos she has a almost-perfect life (as seen in social media). After our last hangout, I got a clearer picture. No one's life is perfect. Neither mine, nor her. 

The lesson for me is - all this time, being grateful for my life is exactly the right thing to do. I'm glad the good life of other people doesn't affect me the bad way. It still finds pride in my own simple life. I still enjoy what I do. I just create my own little world - and believe in it. Though I'm humbled, maybe I'm not always right about that. I'm reminded of the individual battle that we have to face. No one is totally "graduated" from life as long as we are still breathing. So you can't really conclude who is successful, who is not. It's not even about that. It's about MAKING THE BEST out of this life that we have. Enough with the comparison. Maybe if we talk long enough, we will find out we are JUST EVEN. But then who cares? If I once felt like a potato, okay, that's just me. But I don't have the right to treat someone else like a potato cos just like my friend, my life might look good at one corner but that's not the whole story. I still struggle. I still feel down. I still feel abandoned sometimes. I still feel lost. I still feel used and taken advantage of. Just like some people who are just potatoes in my eyes. NO, I'm wrong. I'm not more than them. We are just EVEN.

But it's a good thing ain't it? Can we live life better, now that we know no one is more superior than the other. Lets change our outlook now. We deserve to embrace life more positively knowing that we have equal chance to champion our own life. Lets do that. 

The One Not In The Picture

Do you like the limelight? Do you like to be seen and maybe highlighted? Do you like to be popular? Whatever your answer is, sure you have reason behind it.

As for me, I'm more of a behind the scene person. Since I was at school. I remember a few times being the person behind the curtain, and then most of the times, forgotten and not even recognized or given any credit. I never complained because I never asked. Back then I used to be the-less-popular girl next door. But silently I was still the place where my friends go when they need ears. It was a normal scenario for me when someone dragged a chair and sit in front of me and share their problems. I still do that till this day. Heran kan? Hehe.

Sia masih ingat time kami orientasi week Form 4. Kami decided to sing and dance. I was the one who suggested the song That's what friends are for. I provided the tape and the lyrics. For the second song, I also suggested the song Heal The World and provided the lyrics and tape. Someone else suggested the dance moves. Guess what, we won the first place. Our leader got all the compliments. He was the one to go up the stage and received the big hamper. In normal situation, he should at least thank everyone who worked behind the scene. But it was a small matter to me, it just got me wondering if I actually deserved a Thank you for my favour. I remember my friend was in charged in this choir competition. Of all the capable friends she has, she actually asked for my help. 256, come help me, teach them how to sing the song. It was a patriotic song. She even recorded me singing so that she could play it for them to learn the melody. (Ah, I forgot the song, it was probably an English song). Sometimes I wonder how could my friends actually saw any potential in me because I was such a laid back person back then. I never demanded anything more. I never really wanted to step up and be known. I never even showed much of what I have. But still, some people actually acknowledge that I have something that they need. I was not even a good student in secondary school. I lost my "excellency" to culture shock and I became disoriented, lazy and under-achiever. So you understand why I didn't deserve any acknowledgement?

Until now when I'm in the job world, I'm still faceless to most. I've been the person behind some of my sister's works that got her a lot of compliments. I saw my works displayed at the public area without anyone knowing it was my work. On my bro's wedding back then, I was behind the stage decoration (that people thought we paid someone else to do it). Even some of my customers today, they have used my works (yes they paid for them) but none of them actually knew who did all that. Some of them know my name, but they never saw me, didn't know how I look like. So mysterious right? I don't plan that one. That's just how I am. Maybe I'm just comfortable this way. Or maybe I'm used to it.

So it's often the case when you see photos where I should be there. But you don't see me because mostly I was the one who took the photos. Once in a while you will see my photo but that's considered rare because I was the one who usually managed all the photos displayed so I get to decide when I want to appear. Hahahaha. If you ask me, as long as it is my own accord, I permit it to be this way.

But it doesn't mean I'm purposely limiting my encounters with people. I don't. I will still go and meet whoever is necessary. I will answer all questions. I will send my own form and paperwork because I will proudly introduce myself. There are times when I will claim that this is my work, I will even prove, and will not be shy about it. The most satisfactory thing about this is, it doesn't matter if someone else gets the credit for my work. It's more important that I have the ability to do something to make it possible for someone else to want the credit and then be given. It's my personal accomplishment. At the end of the day, it's the works of my two hands, they will still need to come to me if they need it again. Or else they are free to get it from someone else.

Not sure la kalau kita semua begitu. Ada orang yg suka tonjolkan diri and it's not wrong. Sia tidak akan peningkan diri utk fikir kenapa dorang begitu dan sia begini. Sia cuma tau apa sia bikin. Ada juga kawan sia tanya, kalau sia bikin2 vlog kami tapi sia nda penah pun post di FB untuk orang tengok and probably kasi like. Penat2 bikin tu untuk apa lah kalau nda dikasi tinguk urang kan? Sia post vlog2 sia di small group kami yang ada 4 org ja. Mata 3 org kawan sia tu sudah cukup untuk mewakili semua org lain sebab dorang kenal sia, dorang peduli and ambil tahu, and the video is relevant untuk dorang sebab dorang adalah kawan rapat sia. Teda guna sia kasi tinguk sama beribu orang tapi orang tidak peduli dan tu video teda value pun sama dorg. Kalau kawan sia rasa sia rugi2 ja penat, NOT TRUE. Sebab anggap la sia the most selfish person on this earth. Sia bikin benda yang sia suka dan sia happy. Jadi dalam vlog2 sia, kamu akan nampak how sia "balas balik" sia punya "ketiadaan" gara2 selalu jadi orang yg teda dalam gambar or hanya di belakang tabir. Suddenly kau akan nampak muka sia ja bertimbun di sana. Macam sia seolah-olah sangat obsess kepada diri sia sendiri. Hahahahahahha. Sebab sia buli ja cakap, This is my time to show myself. This is me, who often works behind the scene, who sits behind the wall. Di semua gambar2 yang sia tiada, di sini lah semua gambar2 tu. Pelik juga kan? Hahahahhaa. But itulah sia.

Or the alternate reality is, sia tidak expect banyak dari semua benda tu sebab...once sia expect, sia takut org tidak boleh tunaikan. Sepa tau mungkin permintaan sia tidak tercapai oleh orang. Mungkin sia sedar ni, jadi sia protect diri sia daripada become fragile. Jadi jangan terlalu mengharap apa2 daripada sia, cos I might let you down with my expectation. Sepa tau yang sia mungkin akan strangle you and suffocate you with my rules. Sia manusia pelik, biarkan ja sia keja belakang tabir selagi sia mau. LOLS.

Note: Sia penat2 menulis di blog sia ni, sia masih harap kawan2 sia tidak jumpa blog sia. Biarlah dorang tidak baca. Biarlah dorang tidak berpeluang untuk say something nice about my blog. Sia mau tulis ni macam tulis diary ja. Sepa yang kebetulan tau, tau lah. As usual, sia kan si 256 yang memang sudah biasa di belakang tabir. Sia nda akan complen kalau kamurang nda kenal sia. I swear. Hahahahaha.

T.I.R.E.D

Source: Google images

Kamu pernah ka tiba2 rasa fed up sama benda yang kamu sudah bikin bertahun? Kalau dulu, sia biasa cakap yang kalau kau buli tahan satu tahun, tidak mustahil kau buli tahan 10 tahun lagi. Macam juga peralatan yang kita guna sampai sekarang, benda tu kau guna bertahun-tahun dan masih bagus. Nda pandai rusak2. Kali tinguk, duluan lagi kau fed up guna tu benda daripada dia sendiri rusak. Ndaka sandi tu? Macam ada satu benda ni, sia tunggu2 dia rusak supaya sia ada alasan mau cari yg baru, tapi nda pandai rusak. Tapi still, sia fed-up, sia tired. Sebab sia sudah guna benda tu selama bertahun-tahun. Dia sudah tolong sia kasi siap banyak kerja. Tapi, one day I just realized that I'm tired using it. I want something yg lebih bagus, lebih jimat masa dan tenaga. Then from there buat sia terfikir. Kenapa mesti sia rasa tired? Bukankah sia sangat acknowledge dan appreciate kelebihan benda ni yang sudah tulung sia bikin banyak benda? Kenapa mesti sia rasa tired pula? Nda bikin spoil ka tu? Buli ka sia reverse balik tu feeling tired sia tu? Buli ka sia UNDO dia? Buli ka sia masih suka guna benda tu like I never got tired of it? 

Actually, sia buli dikatakan tegar juga sebab orang lain mungkin lagi awal tired dari sia. Sia ambil masa bertahun-tahun, maybe 7 years oh. Punyalah lama. Tapi that thing still working well. Sia macam teda alasan mau beli baru. Kalau still beli, macam membazir. I don't like membazir dalam sedar. But I'm tired bah.  Adakah sia cuma fulfill prophecy yang Manusia memang nda pernah cukup? Uiii...don't eh. Sia offended kalau kena cakap gitu. You know why? You have any idea meh apa yang sia went thru? So macam nda ngam urg simply throw at me, 256, kau mimang nda tau bersyukur!!! Hoii, banyak cantik cakap sia gitu o kan? LOLS

Tapi bila sia end up rasa tired, baru sia ingat yang sia ada limit juga. Sama macam baju2 sia yang sia pakai pi kerja. Masih bagus2 dan cantik2. Tapi sia nda mau pakai lagi. Sia tired. Sia elak pakai yang tu, pakai yg ni, padahal still looks good macam berapa tahun yg lalu. Maybe sia mau try something new. Sia mau look different biarpun tidak nice macam dulu, but new and different. Kenapa juga manusia jadi begini ah? Sia pun naik heran ni. Bulikah si 256 jan cari pasal? Teruskan kehidupan dan jangan la complain itu ini. Tired lah, fed up la, uii apa masalah oh? Bagus2 begini, cari pasal lagi. Now nda pasal2 sia restless mencari ganti. Sia browse online shopping mau cari alternative. Yang lebih canggih dan lebih bagus dari yang lama. Padahal yg lama tu sentiasa setia di sana, bila2 masa sia perlu, memang dia akan bikin kerja dengan bagus, cuma taking more energy to use it lah. But sia sudah tahan guna dia mau 7 tahun, kenapa nda alang2 kasi cukup 10 tahun baru buang tebiat kan? Hahahahahaha

Ni lah manusia ni. Tapi sia cakap sama diri sia, it's okay 256. Sebab sia pernah nampak kawan2 sia yang TIRED dia lagi serious. Sampai bab2 mau tukar kerja. Tiba2 dia pusing 180 degree. Pasal dia sudah tired bikin bidang tu. Padahal bidang tu kasi dia rezeki berbelas tahun. Sampai dia buli balik kampung cuti 2 minggu tanpa ada income. Sia ndamau jadi macam tu. Sebab I love my job yang tidak seberapa ni. But I love it. Yang jadikan kerja sia hebat adalah Passion sia. Paling susah mau kill tu passion yang authentic punya. Bukan buat2. Bukan paksa2. Jadi sia nampak kawan2 sia TIRED sebab maybe bukan itu passion dorang yg sebenar. Dorang terpaksa bikin tu kerja sebab itu seja yang dorang berpeluang untuk bikin. Jadi dorang sudah cukup tahan dan sabar. Tapi still, akhirnya dorang TIRED juga. Sia terrified tengok orang yang sudah tired ni. Dorang bikin benda pelik yang kau pun not sure dorang sudah fikir masak2 or not. What if, separuh jalan dorang TIRED lagi? Bah, sepa buli jangka masa depan kan? Manusia, you are so pelik.

So at least, sia tired pun terhadap peralatan ja. Palis2 minta dijauhkan. Sia belum mau tired lagi bikin kerja sia. Banyak lagi sia mau bikin. Tapi usia kita kan makin meningkat. Logik juga kita tired dan mau explore possibility tu dengan lebih banyak. Kalau kita nda tired kita akan stuck di situ ja. Mesti mau tired dulu untuk buka adventure baru. Or else we don't have the reason and drive to shift. Betul ka nda?

Mudah-mudahan sia akan tired sama phobia sia. Sia akan tired sama kecengengan sia. Sia akan tired sama sikap penyemak sia. Hehe. Banyak benda yang sia layak untuk tired. Maybe I just allow myself to be tired. But rest assured sia akan consult myself once again, fikir bagus2, if this is the kind of Tired yg membawa kebaikan. Ya, ngam. I'd do that.

Will You Be Chosen?

Ada beberapa kali sia terfikir ni scenario. KALAULAH kamurang satu group hanya ada satu boat ja untuk selamatkan diri dan beberapa orang terpaksa ditinggalkan, adakah KAU AKAN DIPILIH? In other words, adakah kau "berharga" di mata kawan2 kau? Kalau Ya, what do you think will be their reasons?

Kamu pernah terfikir kah kewujudan kamu di dunia ni adakah membawa kebaikan sama kawan2 di sekeliling kamu? Adaka kamu diperlukan? Kalau kamu tanya, apa yang menentukan value seseorang tu, well, you have your own answers. Sia terfikir juga benda dalam group trip kami, bila dorang plan2 mau pegi, dorang consider berapa orang muat satu kereta, and ada nama2 yang terpaksa dibuang sebab nda cukup space. Then sia imagine, "Kalau sia tarik diri, ok kah?" "Adakah they will beg for me to go with them?" "But if yes, for what reasons?" Or manalah tau dalam diam2 kawan2 sia tu bawa sia hanya untuk jaga hati sia ja, when actually dorang prefer sia nda pigi. Bah, sepa la yang tau kan? Sia pernah juga try2 kasitau dorang yg sia tidak pegi on certain condition, contohnya dorang cakap mau pi tinguk binatang, or pi tempat yg main air, sia inda berapa minat so sia cakap, Kamu seja pigi. Then my friend ubah plan dorang supaya sia mau pegi. So most likely plan yang ikut permintaan sia yang akan menjadi.

Sedih juga kan, dalam pada kita mencari dan mengenal yg baik2 pasal diri kita, actually di mata orang lain, teda beza pun kalau kita teda. In fact, banyak benda dirahsiakan dari kita sebab tidak penting pun untuk kita tau. Sepa juga mau gitu bah kan? 

Secara generalnya, value kita adalah berkaitan dengan impact yang kita bagi sama orang keliling kita. HOW USEFUL ARE YOU? So it's always about skill yang kau ada, talent yang kau ada, and the potential that you gonna use them for the benefits of other people.

Me as a person, I'm a hands-on person juga. Sia suka buat sendiri banyak benda2 tu sebab itu ja cara kerja kau akan berjalan lancar. Kalau kau sentiasa harap orang lain bikin, tunggu orang lain sampai dorang free, then imagine la berapa banyak masa kau terbuang. Thats why sia belajar banyak skill yg sia perlu dalam life ni. Sia belajar masak makanan kesukaan sia, sia belajar menjahit, sia belajar repair sendiri peralatan yang sia guna, sampaikan kalau setakat tukul menukul dan menggergaji, sia akan bikin sendiri. So last2, sia terfikir juga, adakah semua ni menjadikan sia berguna kepada orang keliling sia? Sia pernah terfikir, kalau lahhh kawan2 sia pilih sia as one of the last people yg naik boat tu, adakah dorang tidak menyesal? Buli kah sia guna apa yang sia ada ni untuk help kami survive? Pelik2 juga soalan dalam kepala sia ni. Hehe.

Maybe my point is, Jangan kita waste pemberian Tuhan sama kita. Selagi kita buli kasi up kita punya skills, kita bikin lah. Banyak benda yang kita buli bikin untuk buang masa, tapi biar berpada. Kalau malar beralasan, semua benda malas, semua benda teda semangat, then camana la tu? Cari something yg bikin mau ALIVE and mau terus develop. Find a new hobby yg mengembangkan kemahiran dan minat kau. I know people yang tidak berinisiatif. They just lack of interests dalam life ni. Semua benda malas. Semua benda bosan. Sia rasa rugiii betul ooo macam tu. Kadang2 sia rasa sia ni ter-over juga. Hyper yang memenatkan orang lain yg memandang. But then ada kebaikan yang dia bagi sama sia. Cos I'm also hyper kalau ada benda yang sia mau pursue. Kamu akan nampak sia punya semangat dan kesungguhan walaupun tidak semuanya sia akan capai and buat sampai habis. Tapi sia nda stop sana. Sia akan cari lagi benda baru cos sia yakin, akan ada satu benda yang akan finally meant to be for me. Something like that lah. 

But still, kita bukan manusia sempurna. Sia ada fobia dan fright yang sia belum boleh atasi. Pelik betul sebab orang lain rasa fobia sia tu benda kacang bagi dorang. Dan ada benda2 lain yg sia berjaya buat yang adalah susah dan mustahil untuk dorang buat. It's ridiculous kan? But sia terfikir juga, KALAULAH sia manusia yang tiada kelemahan itu, what would I be? Si Manusia Sempurna? Kelemahan sia menjadikan sia bergantung sama orang. Tapi kalau sia tidak perlukan orang lain, mungkin teda sepa mau jadi kawan sia, dan sia pun akan jauh dari family sia sebab sia buli handle semua benda sendiri. Kita faham juga la kenapa God jadikan kita macam ni. But camana pun, sia terfikir juga possibility yang sia akan conquer sia punya fobia dan sebaliknya jadi hebat dalam bidang tu. Will God permit that?

Tapi boleh kah, kita teruskan menghargai hari2 yang mendatang ni. Hargai kehidupan dan kesempatan untuk kita bikin benda2 bagus dalam life ni. Walaupun kamurang mungkin dilahirnya ada sifat selfish and narcissist macam sia, but it doesn't mean kita tidak buli keluar dari kepompong tu. Kalau kita tau kita perlukan orang lain, we can also be available for them. Tidak semestinya kita jadi si selfish selama-lamanya. Tidak semestinya kita tidak boleh ubah bila akal kita memberi kita kesedaran tu kan? So buli ka kita jadi manusia yang "akan dipilih naik boat?" Hahahaha. Kalau kau sendiri rasa kau tidak layak dipilih naik boat, maybe there's something we can do about it. Cos like some people say, tujuan kita hidup dalam life ni adalah to be a help for others. So simboliknya, sebaiknya kita jadilah orang yang layak untuk dibawa naik boat tu. Tapi sia harap the boat is enuff for everyone lah. Kalau nda, buli bah kali bikin dua trip kan? Hahahahaha.

Ok guys, good luck for the next week. Thanks for dropping by. See you again next post.

"Hanya Cantik Di Gambar"

Recently we had a day trip to 2 new places we never been before. Like I told you before, there are two groups of friends. They are considered "enemies" and have not talked for months. They are M and R. So when it comes to our ladies-day-out trips, they always have different plan. The only one same thing about them both is, ME. I can just join any of them.  So the recent trip was with M.

The destinations for the recent trip was new to R too. R can't make any new trip because of some difficulties so R could only hear about M's plan from me. But R made such a commentary that, "Inda cantik tu tempat." Eh, bagus tulis melayu kan. Hahahaha. So si R ni buat comment gitu sedangkan dia pun belum pernah pegi sana. The place is new so there's no way she knows better than me, considering dia tidak gitu peka sama social media punya updates. And kamurang tau kan sia si tukang gambar yg kaki sekaki kakinya. Hahahahaa. Trip2 yang before, setiap kali balik dari trip with M, si R pun nampak tu gambar2 sia. Mesti dia puji macam2. 

So baru2 tu, si R akhirnya menjejakkan kaki ke one of the places yang dia tinguk di gambar2 sia yg dulu. Selepas semua puji-pujian dia dulu, buli2 dia cakap, "Inda cantik o tu tempat". Then sia tekejut juga la, you know why? Cos kami yang pegi tempat tu pun took a while untuk move on because we were so happy when we where there. Memories yang awesome masa tu. Suddenly bila dia cakap gitu, seolah-olah dia nda pecaya or kami setakat exaggerate. So masa dia cakap tu, bila dia nampak muka sia berubah, dia cakap la, "Dalam gambar kau tu nampak cantik, tapi bila tinguk tempat tu betul2 tidak pun cantik." Sia siap backup lagi cakap yg mungkin sebab dia teda masuk pun. Actually, memang dia teda masuk pun!! Dia punya alasan adalah sebab dari luar pun Tidak cantik dan tidak berbaloi bayar. Tapi from her story, actually dia pi sana pun sebab scandal dia bawa dan dia expect tu lelaki bayar semua, and that guy pula macam alang2, cos semua benda dia mau jimat dan berkira. Hahahahaa. Kenapa juga dia sonsog betul mau pi makan angin kalau budget tidak ngam? Unfair oh kan? If you can't afford the entrance fee, inda payah kasi buruk tu tempat seolah-olah kami kanak2 riang yang buat ceta dongeng. Sia rasa offended sikit lah. But hal kici, sia kasi limpas. Hehe.

So yang pasal trip paling baru ni, actually dia try untuk stopped me from going but she couldn't. Memang dia geram tu sebab macam si M yang menang kali ni. Since sia bukan pegi sama group dia, dia pi kastau kawan2 kami yg "tu tempat baru tidak cantik" even before kami pegi. Dan plan si M ni pula balik2 cancel, sebab kesibukan kerja dan lain2. Last2 sia bikin satu plan baru and then just in 2 days, jalan terus. Sampaikan si R terkejut. Even time kami jalan tu pun, dia masih pi kasitau orang2 yang tempat kami pigi tu nda cantik pun! Ya ampun, apa la kena sama kawan sia satu ikur tu. LOLS. Gara2 dia cakap gitu, ada juga yang tarik diri. Cos dorang pecaya cakap si R tu or maybe just untuk jaga hati si R yang mimang lain sikit tebiat dia. 

So akhirnya the recent trip itu berlaku dengan jayanya. This time sia betul2 prepared. I made a complete vlog about the trip. Most of them have not watched it. Even R has not watched it. Selepas kami balik, dia langsung tidak mau tanya pasal "tempat yang inda cantik tu". LOLS. So today, sia cakap sama closefriend si R about the trip, kebetulan sia berwasap sama dia tanya pasal another place I plan to go. Buli2 dia tanya, "Jadi tempat yg kamu baru pigi tu, ok juga ka?" Soalan prejudice yang sudah assume tu tempat teruk, and sukur2 ja kami buli tahan sama kebidaan tu tempat. HAHAHAHAHHA. Then sia cut itu clip 5 minit lebih kepada 1 minit, send to her sebagai teaser ja. Pun sudah dia tekejut ah. Dia cakap, Cantik pula tu tempat kan? Sia malas mau claim lebih2. I said, Mimang nice bahh. Even the best things about the places are not in the 1 minute punya clip. But my guess is that, when R saw that video, mesti dia cakap, "Alaaa, cantik pun di gambar ja. Macam juga yang tempat sebelum tu" (yang dia inda masuk pun gara2 tu lelaki nda sanggup sponsor dia...Hahahha)

So pause kejap pasal tu. Sia mau cakap pasal Apa yang membuatkan satu trip tu successful bagi kamu? Yang semua orang selamat pegi dan balik? Or semua orang happy? Actually recent trip tu tidak berapa okay mood dia semasa kejadian. Sebab geng yang ikut tu a bit tidak sama tune dengan kami tapi still okay juga. So masa tu kami a bit upset sebab tidak sama macam trip before yang semua satu kepala and banyak moment gembira. So berapa cantik pun tempat tu, kalau kamu pegi dengan orang yang tidak ngam, experience kamu pun tidak la sebagus mana. Kalau tempat yg simple2 pun, kalau kamu pegi dengan org2 yang happening, trust me, dia menambahkan keindahan dan value tu tempat. Maybe sama juga dengan tempat makan. Sometimes rasa dan presentation makanan tu bukan segala-galanya yang menentukan experience kau makan di sana. Mau tengok juga sama sepa kau makan, sepa yang makan di keliling kau, pemandangan di sekeliling kau dan sebagainya. So speaking of pegi makan angin, jangan heran kenapa dua org buli cakap benda yang berbeza pasal tempat yang sama. Mungkin bukan salah tempat tu pun!

So berbalik kepada cerita tadi. One thing yang sia faham pasal sesuatu event adalah - ketidaksempurnaan tu akhirnya akan lupus di angin lalu. Ingatan kita ni bukannya bagus betul. Yang tinggal adalah rekod2 kenangan yang boleh kita simpan macam gambar dan video. Jadi camana pun, berusahalah untuk capture the moment sebab bila kau lupa2 sudah benda yang bikin hilang mood, akhirnya hanya tinggal yang indah seja.  Selepas 4 hari berlalu, sia officially has a new impression about the trip. I can safely say it's another awesome trip. Sampai kami nda sabar mau bikin another trip. Lets make new and new memories!!!

So about the title, Hanya cantik di gambar, it's only as good as you allow it to be. Kalau sampai sana seja limit kau menilai sesuatu, begitulah verdict dia. Sia hanya buli cakap experience orang tu yang sucky sebenarnya. Tidak boleh blame dia. Sebab experience sia dalam trip2 kami setakat ni, usually kau akan lebih appreciate kalau kau keluar duit kau sendiri. Kalau kau harap kena sponsor, kena spend, or terlalu berjimat or berkira pun akan effect experience kau, termasuklah orang lain yg pegi dengan kau. So kesimpulannya. Setiap apa yang cantik di gambar tu hanya akan boleh secantik itu sekiranya benda yang betul2 tu adalah memang ada kecantikan tu. Cuma kau mau kena main angle, focus, , tapi kau nda buli ubah juga dari A ke Z, paling2 pun kau ubah A ke A+ ja. Lebih kurang macam cerita Cermin Cantik tu di post sebelum2 ni.  Ingat lagi? Hehe

Note: Gunung Kinabalu tetap adalah Gunung Kinabalu walaupun kau main angle, main focus, main lighting. Dia tidak juga akan jadi Gunung Everest. Ngam ka tidak? Hehehe

How God Answers Prayers

My friend visited me many times, just to spend some time while looking for a new job. Entah kenapa tiba2 sia buli datang idea mau suruh dia tulung sia kemas my rack. That work is quite simple but sia tidak terbikin, sebab banyak lagi benda yg sia mau bikin di atas meja. So I used that excuse so that she could follow us to this daytrip pegi jalan2 tukar angin because I said I would sponsor her in exchange for that favour.

She agreed to do the job but she didn't want to follow the trip. After a while, I realized she needed the money for something more important. She usually used Grab to my place but that day, she said the Grab never showed up so she had to walk when I know that she never walked even that short distance since Grab is around. Maybe she was desperate that time. It's obvious that the opportunity came to her when she most needed it. I asked her to do 2 things in 2 different days and paid her after the work done. Then baru sia terfikir, what if dia betul2 perlukan duit masa tu? Maybe she prayed for solution and God sent me to help her. How He did it? By making me feel the need to get a help for something and then by planting in my mind that she's the best person for the work. And she accepted because it was right in time.

Kalau sia mau kasi jadi cerita, maybe ini la purpose kita di dunia ni. To be there for one another and sometimes we don't plan it, but God puts us in the situation to solve someone's problem, at the same time, answering that person's prayers. Macam yang sia selalu baca orang Islam tulis pasal rezeki, iaitu di dalam rezeki kita, ada rezeki orang lain. Macam tadi, sia rasa sakit hati sikit sebab sia kena charge RM10 extra tanpa kena bagitau awal gara2 dorang kena process order sia cepat ikut yg sia mau. I did that many times and they never charged me. Tiba2 charge gitu sia rasa a bit terkilan. But then RM10 bah kan? Sometimes manusia ni memang gini. Tu amount tidak cukup pun utk bikin bayar makanan sia selalu, tiba2  bila sia terkena lebih bayar RM10, sakit hati pula. Why not sia ringankan hati dan anggap ja sia belanja kawan makan. Layak ka RM10 jadi sebab sia sakit hati dan berdendam? Or senang cerita, itu adalah rezeki orang lain yang ada di tangan sia so ini caranya untuk sia bagi pada org tu.

Then sia teringat macamana sia balik2 kena spend. Sama ada orang bagi sia makanan, or org bayarkan makanan sia walaupun sia nda mau org buat gitu or tidak menharapkan langsung. But org just ringan hati untuk buat gitu, mungkin dorg mau bersedekah untuk dapat pahala. Which means favour tu dorg bikin bukan untuk si penerima but lebih kepada untuk diri dorang sendiri. But then kita rasa blessed, dan rasa rezeki kita dimurahkan. You sense that kitaran? Inilah indahnya kehidupan manusia. But antara banyak2 kitaran proses kehidupan ni, be in the right one. Kitaran yang melibatkan tolong menolong, belanja membelanja, memberi dengan ringan hati dan semua lah benda2 baik. Cos if kau mula bikin benda yg sebaliknya, kau bikin kitaran untuk tu pula. Which means kau bikin jahat sama org, dan akan berbalik sama kau. Susah sangat meh mau pilih yang bagus?

Kalau gini la yang kita percaya, nda apa kalau sometimes terpaksa bayar lebih.  Belajar ringankan hati dan percaya kerja Tuhan sedang takes place. Nah kan, bila sia tulis sampai di sini, baru tenang hati sia. Dan curious juga kita kan macamana la God akan jadikan kita instrument untuk dia menunaikan permintaan orang lain kan? And begitu juga orang lain yg akan dia jadikan instrument untuk jawab doa2 kita. Indah betul kan.

Kamu nda rasa best yang kita semua terlibat dalam kerja baik Tuhan? Besttt kan? :))))

SI DEGIL

Because 7 is a fav number to many. And what more to those who are born in July! We will not treat 7 the same cos we belong to 7! Hahahaha. So not that I can't move on, but July has ended by one day for today is 1st of August 2019.

I want to tell you guys something. All my life as an adult, I started off with no clear direction. I just follow my passion, and never stop. So bila kau finally tau apa yang kau mau dalam life, dia jadi satu impian. Tapi entah kalau tercapai ka nda. Kita punya impian tu seolah-olah "just kidding" sebab lebih dari 50% diri kau macam ragu yang kau buli capai. Ya la, kita berdoa hari2. Sampai one day maybe kita bosan berdoa benda yang sama so kita just diamkan ja dan pendam. Tapi adalah beberapa kerat si Degil yang tahan tukul dan susah mau quit. Di tulak sampai ke hujung tanduk sudah, masih berkeras, masih buli senyum biarpun sometimes tu tawar. Urang pun naik kesian. Hahahahaha. Adakah kamu satu daripada si Degil tu?

Pejam celik sampai sudah kita ke bulan 8, tahun 2019. Walaupun dalam 10 tahun tu, 9 tahun kau di sana2 ja. Teda progress. Kemajuan macam siput. Ada tapi slow gila. Tapi kau kan si Degil. Kau redah ja semua tu. Impian kau makin samar sebab masa2 kau susah, rasa lagi jauh impian tu. Ala, biar la. Kalau ada, ada juga tu. Sia pun banyak impian kecil dan besar. Sia pun ndatau mana satu yg sia dapat capai sebab ELEMEN LUCK tu sia sangat perlu. Mau harap tangan kecil sia 2 ketul ni memang nda mampu. Ok la, sia pun mau try2 juga mau multiply duit. Cuba tikam nombor for fun, anggap macam main fun fair. Beli 1 nombor ja. Kalau ada, adalah. But then kau sedar ka, dalam pada kau cuba untuk memaksimakan keuntungan kau bila kau rasa itu ja jalan di luar kebiasaan, actually YOU JUST NEVER KNOW. Kalau Tuhan cakap, gunung tu belah dua supaya kau buli jalan di tengah, semua tu akan terjadi. Kau pun ndatau tiba2 di tahun ke 10, baru ada kemajuan dalam life kau. Buli ja kau cakap, What did I do to deserve this? Sebab kau rasa kau tidak layak. Tapi kau silap. Sebab bukan semua orang tu DEGIL macam kau. KEDEGILAN kau tu takes you to One Place.

That One place yang tidak akan sempat dijumpai oleh mereka2 yang tidak degil. The Place of Awesome possibilities - Possibility yang impossible pun ada, umpamanya kau tinguk tu rainbow, kau tau kau tidak boleh jalan atas rainbow tu, Tiba2 satu hari you just walk on it. Sebab KUASA TUHAN. Like I said kalau dia cakap tu gunung belah dua untuk kasi kau jalan di tengah, benda tu buli terjadi!! So 10 tahun tu kejap ka lama? LAMA kan? Urang mau quit ni tidak payah pun 10 bulan. 10 hari, 10 jam, even 10 minit pun dia buli quit. So cerita dorang berakhir di situ. 

Tapi nda senang jadi si DEGIL ni. Hari ni dia nangis, hati dia hancur, dia buli bangun balik macam warrior. Memang dasar DEGIL la bahh. Bukan kuat sangat pun emosi dorang ni. Dorang give up juga tapi dorang nda quit. Kedegilan tu bah yg bikin panas. Give up kunun pas tu ada lagi batang hidup ndatau malu dorang tu di sana. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Kesian actually kalau kau tukang tinguk dari jauh kisah si DEGIL tu. Kana caci, kana hina, sebab manusia kan suka mengadili. Teruk sikit terus kena ketawa. Urang yg meninguk pun naik kesian sama si Degil. Macam semua usaha dorang sia2  dan teda hasil selama 10 tahun tu. Buli dikatakan teda la bah harapan! Hahahahaaha. Sia ketawa ni sebab sia rasa sia sudah rasa ba tu pedih semua. Kalau sia cakap sia ni one of si Degil, kamu pecaya ka?

Amazing bah life ni tau! Definitely tidak sentiasa indah. Tapi si Degil boleh happy dalam kesusahan hidup. Pelik tul la dorang ni. Hahahahaha. Syukur la kan? Syukurrr yang tidak terhingga. Mungkin pernah rasa susah tu yg sentiasa ingat daratan. Walaupun kadang2 almost rasa terapung tapi inda lama. Balik juga berpijak di bumi. Kalau la sia ni betul2 one of si Degil, sia mau cakap yang BERBALOI betul jadi si Degil ni. Tapi pedih dan sakit. Banyak scars. No wonder la nda semua buli jadi si Degil. Nobody simply buli nasihat sesiapa untuk JADILAH SI DEGIL! Sebab I don't think semua mau jadi gini. Sebab kami nda glamourous. Kami very moderate, very average, in fact we have nothing yg indah di mata orang. Tapi kami BELIEVE IN SOMETHING. We believe in passion dan mission kami as individual. Soooo...kalau la kami ada satu impian, jenjeres tu sebab kami kan di DEGIL. Silap2 kami buli tercapai bah impian kami tu! Hahahahaah. Mungkin pasal kesungguhan tu, God berbelas kasihan. Bahhh 10 tahun sudah kau begini kan, ok ini reward kau, da blang si God.

Aii, susah mau kasi faham urang. Tapi mungkin sia try to say, Don't stop believing in a better tomorrow. Kalau nda, KAU RUGI BESARRRR. RUGGGGIIIIIIII BETULLLL. Kan God cakap, I will answer your prayers in My Time, not yours. Ada 5 bulan lagi untuk kita create awesomeness tahun ni. Percaya kepada benda2 baik, perkara2 baik. The Universe will conspire. Cakap banyak teda guna kann. Come we do our best. Make memories. Make life worthwhile!!

Note: Sia start ada alergik August last year. Sia sudah telan banyak pil anti-histamin untuk counter sia punya alergi. Kesian betul. Dulu sia kena makan pil sekali sehari, and then pegi ke sekali dalam dua hari, and berbulan2 macam tu. Tapi si Degil kan, redah jaa. Baru sia sedar sudah  dekat 2 minggu sia tidak sentuh tu pil. Jadi seperti biasalah si Degil rasa blessed betul. Pasal selalu rasa Blessed tu mungkin kunci kepada Kedegilan tu. Don't you think? Hahahahaha