"My Life As A Mimosa Pudica"

 

 

To those out there who have tried to get close to me or even tried to know me better and still failed, or those who have been friends with me and still think I was one of the most difficult persons to make friends with, I admitted all that. I was easy to at one point, but the closer you get, the farther I go. Winesimpsons dubbed me as “Semalu” a.k.a Mimosa Pudica because he said I maybe nice to look at, but when one tries to touch me, I tend to be defensive and put the shield all around me. Just like the leaves of Mimosa Pudica that are sensitive to movement. They will close if they sense any movement like touching, blowing, warming or shaking. Thanks Wine for such an understanding for my characters. He’s been appreciating my piece of writings since the early days, and he’s approached me in different ways, and he has eventually spent talking with me on the phone for at least 5 hours. He has reasons why he picked this plant to best describe me. Haha.

So much for my online identity, some people thought this is all plotted. No I don’t have time to make a plot before I do this identity. At this point, my online friends still don’t know who I really am in real life. They saw some of my pictures in Fb at one angle, and never the full pictures. Sometimes I showed the lips and the chin, and sometimes the lips and the cheek, and only whole half side of my face. One of my online friends thought I purposely did it so that they could solve a puzzle. He said he collected all the pieces and solve the jigsaw puzzle of my whole face. I said, Ouch? Did you just make me one subject of CSI? Yeah, you read right. Did you guys have any experience close to this?

I love my internet identity. Although it was totally unplanned, I love how I managed things so far. With some rules that I set from the beginning, I am doing it quite well by far. Now that after two years, I still find myself saying that if I just reveal myself, what gonna happen to 256? It’s strange how I see it, right? I even give myself the option that if my online world and reality gonna combine, it’s the end of Twofivesix[256]. I don’t know why I put this rule. I can still bring my online identity to the real world without losing anything, can’t I? The anonymousness of my blog, my freedom to write without people being prejudice at me – Am I going to risk all those? Some people surely think that I am strange enough to take this approach with my online identity. I don’t care. This is the way I want to do it. As a result, I am so far very pleased with “Twofivesix[256]”. I don’t have to mix it with my reality. I don’t go online just to get extra dose of my reality. But if you ask me does my online world actually matter anything Real to me? The answer is YES. You guys always make my day :) 

Just that, I haven’t found the comfort point where my online and reality could mix into one without this insecurity that I’m gonna lose something that I have since 2 years. Some people thought I was too secretive. The more secretive I am, the more the want to dig my secrets. Speaking of my secrets, like I have been telling some of these close online friends, you’ll be surprised to know that I don’t have a lot of secrets actually. The one who try to dig my details could have more secrets than me. YOU could have more secrets than me. I have a simple life. If you meet me at once, I think that’s it for me. I won’t have secrets to keep with my current life. Try and consider to believe that. Hahaha.

Do you guys have any idea how much Privacy means to me? Did you guys remember the day when my blog went off for more than a week? I tell you guys what happened that time. I accidentally put a post that I typed offline, in a pendrive that I passed to my brother. When he passed me back the pendrive, then only I realized that I have saved there a post and a picture to go with the post that has the address of my blog. I was so panic and I felt so terrible that I just decided to set my blog to Invite Only. I remember it felt so bad with all the assumptions going around in my head that NOW my brother knew my online identity. After more than a week, my loyal readers started complaining that they could not go in. Because of my policy, I didn't know my readers' e-mail to make them able to go in the blog. I just lost the drive to update the blog that time because I knew nobody could go in and read. Finally I got my senses back and RISKed my confidentiality that if my online identity had to leak that way, I accepted it. I told myself that even if my family and my friends gonna find my blog accidentally, I have nothing to be ashamed of. I think they gonna love it anyway *Lols. But it sure would hurt me so much because it would feel like I fail to protect my own online identity. Yes, that's how important it is for me. 

For now, maybe I am still a Mimosa Pudica. And although I am just a Mimosa Pudica, I already feel so appreciated to be among you guys. You guys still take me as part of this online community. You guys still treat me as a friend in Facebook and even in chatroom. I appreciate all that. Thanks guys. 

Last but not least, there are just too many riddles going on about me. Maybe I don’t really make it easy for those who are curious about my personal life. I don’t mean to confuse anybody so don’t confuse yourself or get confused. Maybe things are not as complicated as you think but even if they are, just don’t bother. Time will tell. Hahahahaha. Riddles again, huh.

As for being dubbed as a Mimosa Pudica, yeah, it might suit me in one way. It would be best to describe how far I go to protect my online identity from my real world and my real world from my online identity. Maybe it 's not so much about protecting, but it's just a challenge that I give myself to be able to follow the rules of the game. After two years of being Twofivesix[256] and still keep things under control, such an accomplishment to me. 


Thanks for accepting my way, thanks for understanding and thanks for making me feel so part of you guys. :) 


God bless everyone.