"Kesian Kan Kita?"

Something yang sia observe dari persekitaran sia, banyak benda yang kita buat sebenarnya bukan kemahuan kita or totally datang dari hati. Kalau lah kita dibagi pilihan tu when no one's there to judge us, 1000 kali kita tolak dan inda mau bikin. Tapi apa yang sebenarnya berlaku, kita heret juga kaki kita bikin benda2 tu semua, every single time. The older we get, it gets more ridiculous doing it, but still we are still bound by the stigma that we must do it because people will watch us and expect us to do it, OR ELSE we will be straight away labelled as bad, insolent and immoral. And we don't want that. Sounds familiar?

That's why la sia terfikir tu phrase, Kesian kan kita? Banyak betul benda2 yang meletakkan kita dalam "keterpaksaan". People are getting less and less sincere. Ok ka bikin something tanpa keikhlasan? This week is the Holy Week for the Catholics. I myself is a Catholic. I used to be a frequent church-goer because that's what my dad taught us since we were kids. But it's a good thing, right? But if you read everything I wrote in this blog, you must have read my latest views about religions. Religion is just a medium. It's not GOD. It's not religion that we should bow to or worship. I'm sure most religion followers out there will not dare to say this because they have been brainwashed to the extent that they will accept everything as told by the church. Because I'm constantly looking for answer, as I sit there at the church, I saw that a lot of people don't want to be there. But they want to be seen that they are there so they still do it. They don't relate or connect to the ritual of the church anymore. Especially when we read from the book or projector everything that we should say. I still remember my friend from who is an Anglican, married to a Catholic and would like to attend Catholic mass but since her husband is not the church-goer type, so it's just easier to also not be a church-goer. Especially when their life is already awesome, they still pray at home and they still practice moral values in their lives. They just leave out the weekly masses because they simply can't connect with it. She told me, "How come Catholic mass is all about reading?" She's right. I got distracted too when the priest reads everything as if he will not know what to say when the book is not there. Don't you think they should at least memorize it all? They have been doing masses for years, they should remember every lines in the mass. But when I said this to another friend, "If you think you don't feel it during the mass, then MAKE yourself feel it." She meant to say, bukan silap itu mass yang bikin kau nda feel, kau sendiri mau make it happen supaya kau feel. 1000 kali sia mau agree with her but this is not new to me tau. I've been attending masses since I was very little. I've been there, I've done that.

When I attend masses, sia suka duduk di sebelah depan. Sebab for me, alang2 kau attend, kau mesti mau give commitment. But I know so many people who rather duduk paling hujung, paling belakang dan kalau buli tidak payah dengar or nampak apa2. Asalkan ada di area church. Kalau sia yang jenis duduk depan ni pun buli ada this kind of argument in my head, what about those yang "asal2 datang" ja tu? Itu lah sia bilang, sia rasa Kesian pula sama kita sebab kita buat something yang we don't put our heart and soul into it. We don't feel it. We don't mean it. And yang paling kesian, kita bikin juga sebab kita mau please mata orang yang judge kita. Kita ndamau kena bising, kena cakap2 dan kena pandang serong oleh orang2 yang rasa dorg lagi bagus dari kita. How I know, sebab sia pernah jadi orang yg judge orang lain juga but then as we mature, we understand many things. I grow to dislike when religions sometimes lose their grip on what they really are. They forgot that religion tu adalah untuk God, bukan untuk manusia yang handle institusi tu. Sampaikan satu part dorang lupa yang dorang sama juga berdosa macam kita, boleh tamak, boleh mata duitan, boleh materialistik, boleh lusty, boleh main politik, boleh menghakimi dan seolah-olah dorang sendiri adalah terkecuali  daripada rules of God. No, sometimes they make the rules and claim it was from God. Nda hazy dan kabur2 ka pandangan kamu when suddenly it's not just about being a good person, banyak lagi peraturan remeh temeh yang agama bikin yang sedia untuk menghukum kita kalau kita nda buat. Oh man, kesiannya kita kan?

God is the only ultimate truth for me. I don't mengagungkan religion yang adalah buatan manusia tapi sia faham dan terima religion is a good medium to God kalau kita practise secara moderate. Tapi kalau kau jadi extreme sama religion kau, jadi lah macam2 kejahatan di dunia ni juga. Kalau begitu kejadian dia, jelaslah religion itu bukan sentiasa betul. Sebab religion la kita bergaduh dan berperang, mengadili dan menghakimi, kita rasa kita bagus dan holy... Doi tulunglahh. We have seen enough, right? Mesti ramai nda berani tulis begini kan? Sebab kamu takut kena kecam. Kamu takut kamu kedapatan yang, Oh, rupanya si polan binti si polan ni nda lah bagus betul pun. Buli persoalkan macam2 pula. Kan sepatutnya kita terima dan jangan banyak tanya? Ya, gitu la budak2 kena ajar. Kau persoalkan ja, kau berdusa sudah tu. Nahhh, ngam ka manusia yang tentukan benda2 macam ni?

Anyway, sia faham juga kita masih dan akan terus terikat dengan hal2 macam ni. Tapi when it comes to religion why not kita kasi JELAS kita punya visi dan misi kita adalah hanya TUHAN dan tiada yang lain. My point is, bila sia tinguk kamu dan kamu tinguk sia, kamu paham betapa Kesiannya kita sebab kita terikat dengan rasa bersalah kita selagi kita nda kasi tinguk orang yg kita pun macam dorang. Kau perlukan satu mental journey untuk betul2 jelas sama benda2 macam ni and not afraid to say it and act it like you mean it. Please don't be one of the extremists out there and berhentilah mengadili dan menghakimi orang lain. Your life is just as messy as mine, and you are just as sinful and I am. Faith shouldn't be made complicated. All glory and honour belongs to Almighty God, ALONE.