Maybe It's Just Destiny...

You guys percaya sama takdir and ketentuan? It means perkara2 yang sudah ditentukan sejak azali. Something yang kita tidak mampu ubah even macamana pun kita wish kita boleh ubah.

It can be tough to understand. Sometimes you’re using your ultimate wisdom to see and calculate that yes, this sure gonna work. Science must work. Reasoning must work. If everything is in place, IT SHOULD WORK! Isn’t that how it works around here? If we have enough reasons for something to happen, plus with the right circumstances, it Must happen right then and there.

Tapi bolehkah kalau sia cakap, semua reasoning dianggap void kalau something memang sudah ditakdirkan? Ada benda2 yang memang kita tidak dapat ubah. Dan sekiranya something like that bump into our lives, dan it’s put in a position that it’s going to hurt us very badly, at least you know that this is what they call Ketentuan. This something is nothing new. This isn’t passed by the aliens from Mars the last nite when they landed secretly in your backyard. This is here even before we were born. So this is not just happen to teach you a lesson that You’ve been bad, this is your punishment. Nope. I believe that if you call that takdir, it doesn’t matter if you have committed your whole life for other people’s welfare, cos if it’s written in your destiny that this gonna happen, it will happen.

I remember when my boyfriend (now my ex) was so nice to me. He was so kind and loyal. His every day was dedicated to me. Like every morning when he woke up, he must talk to me first and before he went to bed, he must also talked to me and then only he considered his day complete. I became The Purpose in his everyday’s life. Everything he did, he always included me. If he talked to his workmates, he talked about me. When he saw a customer coming that has pretty much my resemblance, he thought of me. It was such a devotion. From this devotion alone, you know this guy did his level best to dedicate his life, his heart – for the only girl that he loved. From how he loved his girlfriend, he deserved to get the best respect any girl could ever give to a man. It was almost not found in this age of infidelity. So…does it take a genius to say, that this man deserves many good things in his life – but if life wasn’t generous enough, then at least, this man deserved to get the same affection from his girlfriend, agree?

I, as his girlfriend that time…what was I doing? Knowing that I have a boyfriend like that, don’t you think it’s like an answered prayer? I bet any girl would want to be in my place. He might not be so rich, but he was very good looking, he was very gentle and he was the kind of man who would stop and greet you, or help you with your stuff even if he didn’t know you. In other words, you don’t have to be his girlfriend to know that he’s very courteous and warm. But, it might be too much if we say that he deserved a place in heaven, but can I say that nobody would deny if he at least deserved to be Loved by me, just as much? He has been proving his worth. Not only to me, but to the people around him. So, using all our calculation, humanity virtues and theories of “what you give, you get back” – don’t you think AT LEAST he deserved to be loved that much too by his girlfriend? Yeah, it was like that.

Look at me that time. I wasn’t a bad girl at all. I could say that I was born to be loyal to my man. I never gave myself the option to have wandering eyes. For me, once I gave my word, I will keep it. That’s what I thought. I thought my parents thought me enough how to tell good from bad. And even if I failed as a learner, at least I was not stupid enough to not know that a guy like him was hard to find. Given the circumstances that I wasn’t demanded an extra sweat to love him – I should be in the right position to love him back. I give you guys enough reasoning how and why things should be as what we both planned. To be in love and fight our ways to prove that we were each other’s soulmate.

Yup people. Who would have guessed, even that was NOT good enough to Rewrite the destiny. Nothing is ever good enough to create a new version of destiny that we request. Because as most of us have accepted, Destiny is written before our lives even begin to unfold. So you can kill someone, or you can even kill yourself – to protest why Destiny is written in such a way that hurt you, but there’s nothing we can do about it. Because it’s written in destiny that he and I were not meant to be, suddenly life was giving me the excuse to stray from our mission. Suddenly life had pushed me to another direction so that I could start living that destiny. You thought I was insane to know that I shouldn’t betray my boyfriend? You thought I was heartless? No I wasn’t. But like I always tell you, life has a way to tell us when things are not meant to be.

Before I knew, I was in love with a new guy without the knowledge of the loving boyfriend. You thought I was a bad person? No I wasn’t. You thought I was purposely trying to fall in love with a new guy that has all the better qualities? You are wrong. My good judgment told me that this new guy wasn’t anything near my boyfriend. I could still name in many ways why my boyfriend was better than the new guy, but since this is Destiny, I could strangle or hang myself to near death, but still, you could not make me love my boyfriend back – even after you present to me all the reasoning you can list using your science theory.

My heart was crushed because THIS WASN’T HOW it should be. I knew it too. Something really screwed up because my good judgment told me I should be with my boyfriend, but WHY was I there, experiencing a totally greater experience being in love with a new guy without the knowledge of my boyfriend? So you know, I don’t care what logic you are using, but what I know my body and mind was in the opposite direction of what that logic could be.

So I recalled one nite, when both elements were claiming right over my body, I thought I almost exploded because I could not understand my action. “Why should I be in this situation? I could have been peacefully in love with my boyfriend.” And then I cried so so hard trying to express “My Frustration” because I knew it was not right, but it was still what I thought was the best for me to do. I thought that if I used only my humanly good judgment, I wouldn’t be there. But then I realized. I could only try so hard to do what’s best, but we don’t live totally on our good judgment alone. Sometimes the forces of nature do take part in this and our humanly weaknesses are sometimes just an excuse for some unexplained decision that we take. Destiny is that powerful.

I write all this, just to let you guys realize that when you fought so hard for something that you thought you deserve, and still you were not good enough to get it, this could be the act of Destiny. It’s not because you’re not good enough, it’s not because you have been bad before and karma is getting back at you, and it’s not because of all that…

Please don’t lose your battle if this happens to you. To be fair, something much greater is about to take place in your life, so something less good has to go. Just put it that way. I saw it happened to someone before, so I know if it could be a little too painful, but you’ll be thankful that it happened. Before you know, Destiny is written in way that God knows what’s best for you.

Or at least, that’s what I tell myself. Cos I can choose to grieve, I can choose to blame, I can choose to curse – but what for? Then I just find the magical purpose behind that Destiny. You guys should too.

Be Strong. And Trust in a greater power up there – He knows what He’s doing. :)