Give Till It Hurts

Janganlah Memberikan Sesuatu Sebagai Hadiah Dari Kelebihan Melainkan Berikanlah Sesuatu Sampai Anda Sendiri Merasa Sakit.

I saw this line from the bulletin for the Christmas Eve mass. When I read it, I thought that it could never happen to me. I mean, Who would want to give something when it causes them pain? As a matter of fact, we would not want to give at all if we can’t afford to give something. So it’s always because We Can Afford to give then only we give. But that line is suggesting that – it’s for the sake of giving – whether or not you can afford it. Iaitu kebesaran hati untuk memberi sesuatu kepada orang lain itu yang lebih penting.

Who would have guessed that I actually felt “that pain” for this Christmas? *giggles.

Buying a gift for our loved ones is not that hard. If you have the money, you can buy anything nice. But sometimes the concerns arise are – 1. Whether or not the gift is expensive enough to make them happy? 2. If Yes, will they actually be happy to receive the gift with the amount money that we spent on it?

But I’m not doing it like what others do. I don’t believe that the more expensive the gift is, the happier they feel when they receive it. I always know that it’s not like that. The best gift that people can get from me is my handwork. If I care enough to sacrifice my time and energy, it’s the best gift that I could give.

So here is the Christmas gift story for this year. Hehehe. I was planning to make a surprise. It’s a specially designed gift for my family members. So because I was so busy with other things, I delayed my plan until the last minute. Since that I could not make the gifts ready by Christmas Eve, believe it or not, I actually went to work on Christmas Day? Ouch! Not that I didn’t respect the holiday, but it was coincident that we only have a special dinner at nite. So I had to cancel going to some Christmas invitations that I received during the day. I had to tell them, “Sorry, I have something urgent to do”. Wasn’t that painful enough? I had to cancel my chance to meet my friends and relatives and eat variety of foods just to prepare the gifts. That’s one pain to count.

And then, the office was actually closed on Christmas Day. Nobody in the whole big building actually turned up. The security guards had told everyone to not come for any purpose because it would cause them extra work to look over the building if the building was opened. But because my equipments are all there, I HAVE to come. So it’s actually another pain to see the face of the security guard in charged when he had to stay there and watch the building since I was there. I spent almost the same hours in my workplace trying to make what I planned. So even my safety was at risk. Anybody would sneak into the building and do something bad. The guard had to be alert of that too just because of me. Did I just do that? I could not believe it myself. It was for the gifts.

Then here’s another thing. I found out that my equipment failed to perform. It was really a last minute malfunction that caused me headache. I had to run to find a shop that can do it for me, but most of the shops were closed. So I found a shop, and I thought I was lucky. Still, I was not lucky enough because the shop couldn’t produce exactly the quality that I expected. The time was running out. I must get everything ready in hours. But I came to the end of my wits. I could not do anything about it. I came back to the office and paused – “What should I do now?”.

My expectation was too high and must be met. I felt so upset inside. I wanted my family to be happy to receive something special from me after the Christmas dinner. It was gonna be a big surprise that would touch their hearts because they know, the whole year I was always giving the excuse that I was busy and set aside what they asked me to do since I always give my customers the priority of my time. So I wanted to take that time to show them that finally I have time to do what they want. But after all that I did that day, things were not working smoothly for me. I felt so stressed out and upset.

I suddenly remember the line that I took from the church bulletin. “Berikanlah Sesuatu Sampai Anda Sendiri Merasa Sakit.” Maybe it was what I was feeling that time. I pushed my effort to the limit. If I just buy anything to replace that gift, that means I could only give them the second best. I really felt it how my intention of giving got the better of me. I would not settle for the second best.

Finally…though I could not prepare the special gift yet, luckily I have other smaller gifts to give them and told them I have to delay the other gift. Guess what, they did not expect anything and they were still happy even I did not give them anything.

This Christmas, I learnt something very useful about Giving.

When you are very sincere about giving something to people, you would do anything even how hard, even how difficult, just to make it happen. Even if you know people would still be happy without the gift…Even if you know you are still loved the same even if you don’t give them a gift. It’s not about THEM. It’s about YOU. Cos you want to give and then you MUST give.

At the end of the day, I found out something else.

When you give something with all your heart, the most joy happens in the heart of the ones who GIVE, and not the ones who RECEIVE.

Now I understand what it means by The Pleasure Of Giving.

If you give something till it hurts you, it represents that your giving heart is bigger than what could be defined by your wealth. As beautiful as that :)

P/S – I will have a new year gift for my beloved readers :)