Last nite, my bestie wrote to our wasap group, in a very straightforward manner. Guys, just to inform you that I went to get Covid test and the result is Positive. Masa sia baca tu, sia diam ja. Sebab sia mau fikir dulu, is it possible for her to joke around with stuff like that? Suddenly one of my other friends said, Uii, kau cakap betul ka main2 ni? And she said, Betul bah. That moment I knew she was downright serious about it. GARSH. Speechless moment.
The last time I met her was in February. Dia ni always a health-conscious punya urang. Considering dia very family-oriented, dia sangat pentingkan family dia. In fact, masa dia jumpa sia di office sia tu masa, dia actually escape kerja. Untuk elakkan meeting sama orang Korea. Masa tu sudah ada kes Covid di Wuhan and Korea Selatan antara kes yg paling tinggi. So dia sanggup buat gitu untuk elakkan ni penyakit. Of course dia ndamau kasi jangkit anak kecil dia. Masa awal2 MCO tu pun, dia became very worried about everything sampai dia kena anxiety attack after a long time. The way she talked to me pun, macam I could feel dia punya paranoia yang sangat tinggi. Masa tu, dalam keadaan sia sendiri struggling with mounting symptoms of panic attack (cuma masa tu masih belum berapa teruk), I could calm myself and be positive, dan dia pula yang macam pessimist. I said, NO, you are better than that. I'm sure you are hiding your strength somewhere, so I thought.
And then as the months of MCO went by, she became really optimistic as usual. I loved her spirit. Masa di uni years pun, dia sudah ada that kind of enthusiasm mau achieve lebih and lebih dalam life dia. She began to do extreme workout and lost so much weight and became hot momma, she planned to work on a shopping app for her next venture, and how she loved gardening, and at the same time, a boss in her department, and still have time for her kids. She loves to post everything on her Fb so I pretty much know what's going on. So everything in her life macam almost perfect. Again and again sia cakap benda ni cos I really thought so. But again I tell her, I'm thankful for all your achievements, I'm happy for you, but I just don't want the same thing for my life. Gitu sia cakap sama dia. Sebab sia rasa kami mau benda yang berbeza dalam life. Sia suka life yg private, yang inda glamourous, inda sophisticated, inda mewah, and she is the opposite. Tapi bila kami bercakap, we are still two simple friends yang understand each other and appreciate each other's punya kelebihan, despite semua pencapaian dia yg jauh dari sia.
So, imagine. THAT friend actually told us she was C-19 positive. Oh my Lord. But camana sia mau react yang ngam? Considering sia tau yg dia pun ada anxiety attack, dicombine dengan sia, so apa la tu? Does that make anything better? Mimang inda kan? So careful with everything you write to a friend yang dalam kesusahan. Setiap perkataan kau tu akan ada impact! Actually, sia lupa kasitau kamu. I think back in May, masa sia dapat my second wave of panic attack, yang sia rasa mau blackout for the second time but managed to grab hold of my senses before it happened (I tell you, it could be that bad but worry not, read on...). So malam tu when I told her, she did not react cara yang ngam. She became really aggressive with her words. She said, 256, go medical checkup pleaseeee!!! Our health the most important bla bla bla... Kamurang tau apa? Masa sia baca wasap dia, tiba2 I got another attack bahh. Sia rasa mau blackout again. GARSH. Masa tu sia macam mau maki dia ja. Sandi tul situasi sia tu masa, sebab sia punya badan function dengan cara yang defensive. So maybe you get some idea camana panic attack ni berlaku. So okay, Thank God I managed to go thru all that suffering walaupun benda tu ada sikit menjejaskan communication kami lah. Tapi itu bulan 5, sekarang sudah bulan 10. Dia sudah minta sorry sama sia lepas sia explain sama dia camana words dia tu bagi impact yg negative sama emotion sia masa tu. So I forgave her of course. How do you expect people to know kan dalam keadaan menulis membaca tanpa bunyi, tanpa suara dan tanpa melihat each other. THANK GOD again, sia dapat lalui fasa2 tu. Can you imagine the kind of strength yang diperlukan ka? God seja la jawapan sia. Sebab sia teda tu strength.
So berbalik kepada kawan sia ni. I should know better how to arrange my words knowing that how it could impact someone yg sedang dalam kesusahan. Sekarang ni pandemik C-19 ni adalah satu dunia punya kerisauan, but before this, kita tetap rasa kita jauh dari tu virus. Kita selalu fikir, Ah, teda juga ba tu. Nda juga ba tu kita kena. So imagine ah. Orang lain restrict perjalanan dorang sebab takut ni virus. Ada yang berkurung terus dalam rumah, nda pi jalan2, nda pi mana2, sebab itu fear of C-19 is real!! Especially yg ada anak kecil. Sia pula? Kamu tau kan sia mansau dekat keliling Sabah pula. Tulak tu zon merah ja. Tu pun dia merah just before kami berniat mau pi sana. So mesti orang cakap, Si 256 ni nda takut Covid ka? I already answered in my post sebelum2 ni. I mean, sepa nda tekejut kan? Kawan yang serba serbi ikut SOP and sangat risaukan health, akan kena ni virus! Oh Gosh. Again, sia dekat nda pecaya.
So sia acted cool ja with my words. Sia tidak buli terlampau terkejut or terlampau overreact cos it could trigger discomfort sama dia. Nda payah kau kasi ingat dia Ala, apa macam la anak2 kau tu, apa macam la mentua kau tu...NO! Jangan gitu. Kami tau tu benda semua duluan pi dalam kepala dia, duluan dia fikir and deal with emotionally and mentally, baru dia finally wasap kami di group and broke the news. Paling2 pun sia tanya, Kau rasa kau dapat masa mengundi ka? But she said mungkin dari ofis. Sia rasa cara dia menjawab kami pun dia sudah digest reality. Dia bukan masih in denial. So paling2 pun, sia kasi remind dia...
You know kan percentage untuk sembuh adalah sangat HIGH? Don't worry, kau ikut seja semua procedure tu. Semuanya akan OK.
So kawan2 yang lain pun semua kasi kata2 semangat. Sia selang seli sama gurauan. Uii, cepat la keluar, kita mau bikin Before and After kita punya gambar group profile tu. Hahahaha. Sia sempat cakap, apa2 hal kau update lah sini. Kau mau kawan membawang ka, kau wasap ja biar lah subuh2. Kami ada sini juga ni, sia cakap. Dia ada roomate juga, nasib baik. Ada juga kawan dia cerita. Dia wasap kami situasi tempat tinggal dia, and facility lain. Macam baru2 masuk kolej pula rupa dia tu. Cuma kali ni, dia ada anak2 dan laki yang rindu dia. Ada anak kecil yang belum 2 tahun. Sia rasa mesti pun dia akan homesick juga tu tapi considering dia pun selalu outstation, sia rasa dia akan OK. OK bukan pasal dia memang strong, tapi dia teda choice. DIA MESTI strong. Nangis mesti dalam hati ja.
Kalau diikutkan hati, sikit2 kita nangis sudah kalau terasa lemah. TAPI being strong is not a choice, it's a must kan sia bilang tu. Kadang2 kau kena bercakap macam la kau ada spirit si Joan of Arc, sebenarnya dalam hati kau mungkin kau meraung kesedihan. Sia nda buli show yang sia sedih and simpati sama dia. Sia ndamau dia rasa kami feel sorry for her sebab sepa2 pun buli kena tu benda. Sia mau dia rasa benda tu BIASA and it could happen to anyone. Suddenly sia teringat balik masa orientasi first year kami. Masa tu kami kena suruh collect signature seniors, and kami di antara yang try main tipu2, tapi tiba2 yg kena panggil nama tu dia pula sampai kena naik pentas dan kena cop pelajar yg kasi palsu sain seniors. Kami terselamat. Masa tu dia punyalah nangis and maki2 masa dia pi bilik sia. Macam dia marah yang kami yg buyuk, dia pula kena kasi malu. Entah kenapa sia terbayang situasi tu balik. Mungkin sebab dalam tempoh pandemik ni, sia banyak berjalan. Dorang pula berkurung di rumah. Tapi dia pula yang kena. Entah la kalau ada sikit rasa terkilan dalam hati dia walaupun dia tau juga nda dapat dia salahkan sepa2. Kita semua sudah buat yg terbaik kan?
So untuk kawan sia tu, I'm sure dengan experience dia, kami nda akan rasa benda ni terlalu teruk kalau lah terpaksa melalui benda yang sama. Nampak sangat oo God pilih yang paling kuat antara kami untuk kasi pengajaran sama yang lain. Sebab God tau dia mampu. God tau dia ada perisai yang cukup. God tau dia well-equip sama kemampuan mental dan fizikal dia. Oh Gosh. Sepa la mau lawan Tuhan punya kepintaran kan?
So my friend, capat2 la kau recover. Kita kupi2 before the year ends ah. Dalam banyak benda yang sia taip tadi di wasap group kami, satu ja yang sia truly mean tanpa tapuk sikit punn (yang lain tu sia tapis2 lagi) iaitu sia PERCAYA yang kita semua mampu untuk menangani ni pandemik, zon merah akan bertukar hijau, semua pesakit akan discharge and back to normal life. This time it's better than normal. It's extraordinary life for people yang sudah kena lalui Strength upgrade bila kena lalui cabaran macam ni. I HAVE FAITH in this. No Doubt.
So guys, stay vigilant. Kalau boleh, extra vigilant now. Jangan terlampau kebal. Biarlah pakai mask dalam keta. Jan kasi can tu Covid dapat rumah baru. Ok, we can do that right?
To my friend, get well soon. God bless you.
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