The One Who Loves You Or The One Who You Love?

Don’t be surprised that anyone of you could be at this point where making decision is crucial. Usually the decision is to be made when you’re coming to the more serious chapter in your life, when you really have to make a choice. If you still in your hunting season, of course you would go for that person you love. But there will come a time when you really need to decide, when your responsibility and target demand you to make the decision. At the same time, time factor is also the reason why you can’t stay in the hunting season forever. You are not going to be 25 forever. You think about having your own family and you think about who you gonna spend the rest of your life with. What you have in front of you is the person who is in love you you, but you are not in love with him; and the other person is someone you love for a very long time, but only treats you no more than a friend. The question is, where do you go from here? This is when the title of this post becomes the hardest decision in your life.

Here are the issues.

If you pick to be with the person who loves you:

You might worry that you would fail to love the person and you would end up regretting your decision. Then you would ask yourself, you might commit infidelity when you finally get the chance to be with the person that you love. You might  end up asking yourself, “If only I waited a little longer.”

If you pick to be with the person who you love:

It’s pretty much the same issues. You might worry that What if he never gonna love you? He might cheat you and two-time you behind your back because he won’t be happy with you. This will eventually lead to wreckage and heartache. Then you might ask yourself, “If only I don’t force it on him, all this won’t happen.”

These are the common concerns that might occur to you. If you want to know my answer, although it’s a tough decision, I pick no 1. It’s not because it’s a good decision, but I think it’s a better one. Let’s drag real life stories to back up my answer. I’m influenced by the advice shared by more experienced people. I still remember this one senior guy who told me, “Love is not what you people think it is. The love that you ladies are looking for doesn’t exist.” He’s not the only one. My big bro told me that he married his wife not because of love. He didn’t know what love was back then. He was caught up in a responsibility that he had to marry her and now they have a happy family and my bro never regrets his decision. Again, he told me the same thing the senior guy said. Love is something that builds up after all the years living together. 

“You do things together, go places together and you solve problems together. How can you not love someone who you spend years living together with?” The person who would wait by the door and comfort you and listen to your problems and provide your needs. How can you, being a human being, not feel any kind of love for that person? Eventually the feeling of appreciation and gratefulness will take over you and suddenly you realize that your life is incomplete when the person is not around. THIS IS LOVE. It’s not your admiration towards the person’s good looks or talents or skills that gonna make you happy, it’s the COMPATIBILITY to live together in harmony, being able to raise family and have a reasonable good life. The passionate love that we often speak about won’t ensure that.

That’s why I pick No 1 because the second option could end in vain. I could make a guy marry me by making him do some mistake and make him bear responsibility (like some girls I know did) that eventually make him mine. What’s worse is he might love someone else but I have the advantage over him and use all that advantage to eliminate the other lady from his life. Would I be happy if I have a “soul-less” body by my side knowing that I steal his happiness from him? Of course you guys would say to me ,Why don’t you apply “all of the above” to my situation, make him fall in love with me along the way? Yes, I could do all that but the part when I have to “force” him to be in my life is the already a bad start. I have my ego too and it’s such a self pity for me to end up doing something like that when I have someone else who loves me and is willing to come to my life without me having to play dirty trick. At least the sacrifice is for me to make. I can expect something from myself that if I’m humane enough, I must at least know how to appreciate people. I know that I have a heart, I must feel touched by what he does for me if I open my heart.

Remember the story about the Captain? He is another study case. He picked decision no 1 to meet his target age that he must get married after graduation and the girl that he loves is in a relationship with someone else so he married the girl who was there for him. After having 3 kids, he’s still haunted by the love that he has for his old time love. He went to meet psychiatry so he could stop thinking about the old lover but he still failed. I told him this, “You should have waited.” Guess what? It’s just a temporary dilemma cause the fact is he already has a family and the good career, with a good wife that is taking care of his needs. Although he has the rage inside him that he wants to reach out for his love, but that might not last long. Eventually he would realize that if given the choice, he would still pick his wife and family. You know why? Because that’s reality. Only insanity that causes you to pick otherwise. That kind of passionate love isn’t strong enough to make you want to lose what you have. So you know, I learn from other people and their experiences, hence I pick No 1. This is not something new. Many people out there who made it, picked no.1. There are many times when we follow our heart, we fail. Maybe it’s time to follow our rational mind.

All in all…theories are only theories. We learn from people but it’s their lives, not ours. Be reasonable that everything we do is a gamble. It’s whether we gonna make it or not. A little knowledge could help but doesn’t ensure anything. This is what life’s all about. It’s meant to be windy and bumpy. Just like when I write this post, I’m just sharing. You will know what to do when you really have one option on your right hand and one option on your left. Good luck :)