To you, he is number 1. To him you are number 2. Smells anything fishy with the figure?
I’m writing about another bitter fact that we women are facing these days. My study case is a friend who came to me earlier today and asked me, “What should I do?”
She was divorced by her husband less than a month ago. She’s still in pain, not knowing her fault. What I could see is that she has been getting so many attentions from her associates being in the field she is in. Maybe out of jealousy and insecurity, knowing that the other guys can provide her needs better, he let her go. What her husband didn’t know is that her husband has always been her number 1.
Now that she’s a divorcee, a new life is in front of her. She is in dilemma because she is approached by 2 guys at once. I understand her situation that she needs someone in her life, and she needs to lift her spirit back after the marriage breakdown. She needs emotional support, as well as material. So getting approached by 2 men at once; left her thinking… “Who should I pick?”
I tried to do some thinking for her. I examined her situations and came up with a few points for her to consider. The first guy A was her long time boyfriend, who shockingly got married to another girl on short notice. After 15 years, he came back and told her that he always has heart for her. Now that she is single again, what do you think? Of course he is doing all he can to be the man for her. The problem is, he’s still married to the his wife, with 4 kids. The marriage is doing good. So? Where can the lady fit in his life? The second guy B is a new friend who shows a lot of interest in her. This guy is also married, but separated from the wife for almost a year and they have grown up kids. Still, the marriage is still legal and there’s no decision that he plans to divorce the wife. So, what kind of security that my friend has if she picks this guy?
My friend likes the guy A because of their history of being lovers. The thing is she doesn’t want to hurt the man’s wife, whom she also knows, and what about the kids who are still growing. She really can’t be selfish even if the man can afford to have another wife and it’s legal for their religion to have more than 1 wife. It’s always the issue that WE DON’T LIKE TO SHARE so what makes she think that the wife wouldn’t mind sharing her husband? And what about her? Doesn’t she feel hurt when she occasionally has to be alone because the husband is with the other wife?
As for the second guy B, she would consider him because he is separated from the wife. The thing is, there were cases in the past where ladies who are in this situation still failed to get the guy for “herself only” because after a while, the guy decided to reunite back with the wife they separated with. So until there’s a proper divorce, any lady that comes after the wife is still Number 2.
My friend dilemma is that, whoever she picks, she’s still No. 2. Speaking of Guys and His Woman No. 2, let me tell you. Not just 2, but just put 10 ladies who want him, he would welcome them all with open arms. This is GUYS and their nature. If the guys are married, trust me they will still eye for “spare parts” whether it’s legal or not. The most important decision is on the ladies. As long as you want the guys, they would want you back!!! Even if they have to break the most sacred law, they would break it because YOU WANT THEM. So you don’t have to be superpretty to be getting guys doing wrong thing because of you. All you need is TO WANT THEM and they will want you. Especially when the men are married, they feel even more pleased to still have women going after them. Yes, they love their wives and kids, but you become their “leisure”. If they are not at home, they will flirt and have fun with the willing ladies. If you ask for more, guess what, No 2 will usually remain as No 2. There are cases where Number 2 overtakes Number 1 but chances are, there are reasons why No. 1 are No. 1 to begin with. Like my friend’s case with guy A, the guy has left her once for another lady when he got married to that other lady. Now that he’s eyeing to make her his wife, what makes you think he’s gonna dump the lady that he has long decided to be his No. 1?
It’s very pitiful to see my friend in her situation. I can see that her heart is heavy. I realize that we women are always in this situation where we fight for the love of the man that we want. The question is, men seldom do that. They usually have their options wide open for as many ladies as possible, and they have a backup plan when things don’t work out with you. They won’t waste so much time and energy on one girl only. They see who would want them enough to go to the next stage with them. It’s the women who always make the sacrifices. It’s painful to be No. 2 because you know you are not No.1 but No.1 is also in pain knowing that she’s not the only one he has. I associated with a few married men who used ALMOST the same sentence when they comment about having a woman No.2. They said, “I could marry that lady, just as long as she doesn’t mind to be No.2”. That means, you adjust yourself if you want to be in his life. If you don’t want, fine, he still has his No. 1.
I beg to be wrong in this – that every man has woman No. 2, at least in his mind. After a series of talking and interviews with my guyfriends who have womanizer reputation, I summarize that men have the nature of having women around them because they want to have a place to go in case something goes wrong with the woman on their side. Do you men, in that kind of ego, admit that you guys are born with “a large space” of insecurity? It’s so easy to make you guys feel unwanted, uncared for, unloved and the list goes on. Yes, to the extent of putting your woman behind this, cos what matters to you is you will always have someone to hug and kiss, even if she’s not your No.1, just to keep your manly ego intact. Thinking that without having to carry your natural duty as a man, you become “dismantled” and useless.
I would like to take this chance to tell you guys that if you think that because of love, 2 women can live happily under one roof, sharing the same man – WAKE UP from this dream. No way in hell. The only reason why you guys hear the cases of women live happily sharing one husband is because some women have made every bit of sacrifices that she’s capable of making, and she sure had cried all the tears she could afford to cry. As a matter of fact, the MOST painful thing for women in a relationship is when their guys have another woman. It’s the MOST painful thing for us. We could tolerate that you are being jobless, you are an alcoholic, you are a smoker etc but when you can just kill us with the pain that you are doing all the things you do to us, with another woman who doesn’t even have rights on you.
If I can make a wish at this moment, I wish that ALL OF YOU MEN, in your next sleep, dream to be a woman who is in the situation of your woman with her dilemmas which are caused by you. I bet you would get up with tears in your eyes. No woman is happy to be No 2 so if you have No.1 already, stop looking and go appreciate her. Show us some values, men. Show us. BE FAITHFUL to your woman.
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