"My Guinea Pigs"

If you are not my lover, if you are not my friend, nor my family, and even not an enemy…maybe you’re just my Guinea Pigs.

Ouch! Does that sound like harsh, or what?

Guinea pigs are not referred to an animal here people. Try to google it or maybe you don’t have a choice but read this post till the end. Hehehe :P

One thing that you guys should or already know about me is that I’m using Favouritism. That means I might be hard to get close to but you’ll be surprised when you learn that I do pick certain people (only one at a time) that can get special access to me. They have my phone numbers and they can SMS/call me whenever they like and I would entertain them. I even spend extra hours just to chit chat with them and share about things and they become the main priority at the time being. The thing about this is that I can only have 1 space for 1 person at a time. How do I pick them? Good question. The answer is I’m not so sure myself. I just follow my guts and whoever is in the right place at the right time, the next time they know is “they hit the jackpot” (they referred it that way because they thought I was so reserved that it was impossible to get a step close to me and they finally learnt they were wrong about it). The thing about my Favoritism is unstated and unclear at all. I don’t even know that I would call it Favoritism one day (which is now) and maybe it doesn’t matter what I call it. It’s just a special access.

I’m just a very normal and ordinary person in the real life. Even if I call it Favouritism, it’s still an encounter “above the wind” which I can’t really define. I am a person who likes to study people. Please remember that. Every encounter is a new lesson to me. I will learn something without you knowing. So if you happen to be a person who has just broken up and still badly hurt, and you happen to be that person that I give access to, I become your closest friend most likely you will enjoy my company because of the attention I give you. So what usually screws things up is when the person starts to want more from me, like taking it to the next level. I think they waited quite a while too, like a few months, before they popped that question. I never write openly about WHAT I FEEL towards this. Finally I use this chance to finally enlighten you people with the issue that I never bring forward. I always enjoyed the encounter with them UNTIL they started to sound serious and pushy about getting more serious. They want more than just the access. They want my commitments. What they don’t know about me is that when I make friends with them, I study about their characters and lives and they represent a new sample of human being in my “laboratory”. I study their character in handling women, their preferences in women, their attitudes in works, friendship and stuff like that. Yeah, you read that. I make my observation all the time. Although I never make it official, but I’m always in Alert mode. So you know I might just be a person who talks a lot, which the tiny voice and loud laughter, who never runs of ideas to write…but I STUDY YOU. 

When you start have feelings for me, I feel a bit worried. When you start asking me “Can we be more than friends?” I feel a bit discomfort. I also don’t know why. Maybe I enjoy things the way they are. I like these people too, ya know. I don’t just give them access for nothing. They must have somekind of attractiveness that makes me want to spend time with them. And to your surprise, I did think of taking it further too…BUT…I need a bit longer than that. I need time to connect with them more before I can start talking about sthing more serious. The thing is, the guys are never satisfied for long with what I have offered them. They want more and they want it fast! This is always giving me a headache. I hate it that I can anticipate that the friendship is going to ruin.

So they usually could not wait. They felt that if they stayed longer, they wait would be in vain because I have this attitude of a Mimosa Pudica, that when you make your moves, I tend to be defensive. So at one point they got a bit agitated by the whole thing and create a situation where I could not fit in so we finally have to call it a quit. It’s always about “taking it to the next step” that caused this. I’m just a normal female who have my own evaluation on men. If you take things too fast, don’t blame me for being slow. After everything that men did to women, I have all the right to be cautious. In some cases, it was that close to the next level, and you ruined it. So now when you examine who you are to me, you can’t do it. The damage was done and caused this gap. If you wonder who you are to me…you are definitely not my lover, and you don’t think you are even a friend cos we don’t get to greet like most friends do, and for sure you are not my enemies because I don’t keep enemies…or maybe the most you can tell people that you are my ex-lover (which you are not) I’m sorry if this is a bit rude. I don’t toy with relationships. I never declared a relationship with you. I gave in to your selfishness, even if sometimes I thought that this whole thing was just a show-off and at the other case, just to feed to your manly ego that you can make a collection of girls and 256 is one of them. You must be kidding. After all this is over, No Wonder you even wonder if you even fit to be called a friend by me. Guess what…I have an answer for you. If you’re not all that, maybe you’re just a Guinea Pig for me – A subject of study case of how a man could go silly and went milestone just to prove stupidity and complete the whole cycle as A Loser. You did your job very well. And for that, I have a reason to thank you. To All My Guinea Pigs…I hope after this experience with me, you would care to be remembered and taken more seriously and honourably more than just a Guinea Pig to the girl that you would waste your time and energy for.

NOTE: I don’t want another Guinea Pig… :)