When a single wrong move from my dancing fingers screwed up the system, I called the pc-guy to fix it and I happily did my last effort of saving those files into my various memory cards and pendrives – Just to find out that the viruses have destroyed the contains of the folders I thought I have saved. I hold my breath for a few seconds, thinking how MUCH I HAVE LOST in this prank some stupid viruses done on my pc.
I tried to deny that I was feeling A SHARP PAIN from somewhere inside me. To LOSE my treasure is THAT PAINFUL. Those are my treasure. It’s what keeps the things that I can’t remember. I always leave it to my pc to keep them for me. Now don’t dare to ask me what I feel to lose part of my priceless treasure.
Or was it just me overreacting?
I have this habit of “keeping things” – thinking that even if I don’t need them now, I might need them someday. It’s always like that. A person like me is so clingy when it comes to things in my life. Like a pair of shoes that are beautiful but not comfortable to wear, I would let it stay in my sight as long as possible because I might use it someday. That’s how my thinking works when it comes to my belongings. I don’t throw away my stuff until they are totally broken and not usable in any way. Now you understand why I also have problems with messiness, misplacing my stuff and all – it’s simply because I keep almost everything, thinking that I would need it one day. With this habit, you can imagine how I would feel when my treasure is taken away from me just like that.
Actually, this habit is giving me too many troubles already. I must understand that I can’t keep things forever. And I can’t keep everything. I must follow this flow of taking things in before it’s time to let them go, without having to suffer the feelings of losing them. This is one thing that I can admit to you guys, a habit that I should change to move on. Or, was I right about it? Or was it just a way for me to feel better after losing many stuff from my pc recently?
Actually, looking at the other side of this, this habit is giving me a lot of goodness too. Because when I said to you guys that “I might need them someday”…I was right for MANY TIMES already. It was because I didn’t throw things, they became useful for me eventually. I recall many times that I said, Thank God I Know How To Keep My Things!
But now, it’s not the time to mumble about this. The damage is already done. What are those that I lost? My works? My records of ideas? My pictures? My friends’ pictures? The answer is this. I remember that I said I MUST KEEP all my writings because they are my original writings and it’s a sin to forget something good that I’ve done in life. I know the process of writing something is NOT that simple – you have to be in the right mood at the perfect time where your ideas are pouring- and your body is not weak to sit there and write for at least an hour. My every writing becomes my treasure. I don’t want to lose ANYTHING that I ever produced in my whole life. Even if it’s not so good, or maybe childish, as long as it’s MINE, it’s my treasure. My original works are among my biggest treasure in this life. But this requirement that I put is giving me too much work. I become worried if I’m at the risk of losing anything. Worries are only consuming my energy – and eventually giving me stress. So you see how this thing goes a long way. Is it actually worth it? My rationale mind tells me that…why worry if you lose your LOVE LETTERS, when the person who writes it to you is STILL ON YOUR SIDE? That’s a perfect line that I created just to talk myself down. It’s the same thing with my piece of work. If something really has to take them from me, why should I worry? I’M STILL HERE producing more and more. My brain is still working well and is only getting better from here. My biggest asset is MYSELF indeed. I’m the one who does the works. As long as I’m still VERY alive to worry, I should also be Very Alive to make more great jobs. I’m the walking asset and treasure that I have. Yeahh…that’s the kind of words that you use just to stop a little kid from crying so loud. *Lols. Just kidding. I actually mean it.
It’s like I should do a meditation just to tell myself, “Just Let It Go” thinking that it’s the best thing to do. I should not let this consume my energy because I should be aware of the REAL ASSET is still very much in action, and that is myself. Yes Twofivesix[256], just let it go. Just let it go.
“What are those that I just lost, again?” <--- My mind thinking out loud.
Good question. I can’t miss what I can’t remember, right?
Twofivesix[256], Just Let It Go :)
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