Reflect this: Remember the loved ones who have left us.
Christmas is around the corner. I miss that feeling of excitement. I miss that feeling of anticipation. Why…why does it feel so empty this Christmas? I remember for all the years before, when I asked my parents about where to do our Christmas party, and when to do it…I asked it with a lot of delights in my heart. The fact that I am the one who my parents can rely the most when it comes to our family party, I have my own source of delights to be happy to take that responsibility. But why…why does it feel so different this year?
I don’t have to look far for the answer. I know it already. Suddenly my heart is feeling so heavy right now. I now remember clearly what caused my heart jumping with excitement thinking of what to cook for Christmas and how would I decorate our house. My heart was delighted cos I knew someone would be saying something nice about how the house was decorated. I was delighted because I knew someone was going to eat what I cook and at least made me feel good when she ate certain dishes more than the others cos it would be the sign that she loved those foods. It was the feeling that I always had for all the Christmas before this. Although she thought that she was not loved and not cared enough, then explain to me why I’m feeling such a big lost when she was not anymore around to do all that. I promise that she won’t have to say anything good to make me feel happy…just by seeing her cute smiling face walking towards our door was actually the only thing that explained why all of us are feeling so joyful inside.
God showed us the miracle 2 years ago. I still remember my mom came from the hospital telling us that the doctor asked us “to prepare for the worst” that we were going to lose our grandma. My heart skipped a beat. I remember shouting in my heart, “No!!! I’m not ready yet! Anybody is not ready yet to. No, we can’t lose her. ” I remember praying to God in our journey to the hospital.
“God, please don’t take grandma yet. She’s only starting to know You. Please give her time to know You well and experience Your love in her life as a new Christian. We are very sorry for not doing our best to be the people that should care and love her. Please let this be a lesson for everyone especially her own children so that they can do something to make her feel more loved and appreciated. Please give us the time to make up for all our mistakes. We promise to love her more and make her happy. Please have mercy on us Lord. Have pity on us and please give grandma more time to experience the beauty of this life that You give us.” God listened to my prayer. The next day, my grandma was conscious again. It was a miracle. I believe that everyone prayed so much for her recovery. God does listen to our prayers, people.
Were 2 years enough? It should be. We don’t need a damn 2 years to show our love and care for the people we love. We don’t need to wait until the person’s last breathe to tell her that we love her. But God gave us 2 years to make up for all the things we should make up for, like I said in my prayers. God gave a perfect life to my grandma after the incident that nite. She woke up like she never had gotten sick. She laughed and smiled like she had been healthy forever. She even asked my mom, “How was I the nite I passed out?” (She didn’t even remember, people.) And we were almost scared to death of losing her.
Did everybody do their best to make up for things we should have shown our grandma? Like it or not, we have this weakness that we don’t know how much we have until we lost it. We take things for granted until things are gone. God took my grandma for good at the time when we were so busy with our daily things; we didn’t get to say the prayer we said the last time. Why did we have to wait until the critical moment to say the most devoted and meaningful prayer? The last time, my grandma was taken by ambulance while she was unconscious. This time, my grandma requested to be sent to the hospital because she was feeling so restless at home and thought even the hospital bed was a better place for her since that everybody was so busy with their own lives. Did we think that we have forever to make up for our mistakes? God showed to us that He could give us forever, but if He gives forever, we want something much longer than forever. Maybe we are never grateful of we what have. We have to change in this regard, people. WE HAVE TO! Stop right there and PLEASE PLEASE appreciate WHOEVER, WHATEVER that we have in our lives NOW! Don’t wait until we are that close of losing them, cos sometimes we don’t have a second chance like we had when we were losing our grandma for the first time. Even after the second chance, still we were not doing our best to appreciate her. WE COULD HAVE DONE MORE AND MUCH BETTER.
Now we realize it much more that life would never be the same again WITHOUT her. It has been months after she left us, and we get on with our lives anyhow. But now that Christmas is approaching…I really feel her lost. Why I feel like I have no one to show off my new clothes anymore? Why I feel that I don’t feel the hype of dancing together anymore? Because she’s not there to see it all. No more shines from her eyes that tell a thousand things from her little heart – Grandma, I don’t mind if you tell me that you don’t like my loose pants, I don’t mind if you say my make-up doesn’t match my complexion, I don’t mind if you say I put on weight, or my cooking is not that tasty… I really don’t mind. I want you to know that I really really miss you. And Thanks for letting me bake your birthday cake on your big birthday party 2 years ago. Without you insisting me, I’m afraid I won’t have given you anything meaningful your whole life. Thanks For Being My Grandma and now that you’re with God, I know He will take care of you much much better than we could have ever done.
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