It Hurts So Badly...Trust Me

After I read posting from a friend’s blog (Dingobee) about breakups a few days ago, I think that I should give my share of views. Hey, people break up all the time. I can tell that there are a lot more hearts out there, got broken and fell into pieces, as we speak. Imagine that. This is NOT something abnormal, my dear friends. You have not experienced your heart broken yet? Aha…get ready. It could be your turn next. Not scaring anybody. But this is reality. It’s VERY normal for people who HAVE HEARTS. So you have a heart? 

 
I am still considered lucky. At least I don’t have the experience of seeing my boyf cheating on me and at the same time, fathered a baby with another woman. That is very2 hurting my dear friend, Dingobee. Something that I have learnt from you, women do have strength that can carry the weight of the world on their shoulders. I always say it but I am not sure if I have that strength when it comes to collecting the pieces of my broken heart. It sure is painful but you survived it and I am more than happy to take your experience as my inspiration. I should always tell myself that if she can do it, why can’t I?

 
I am feeling generous today to share m
y experience with you. I am given by God, a very fragile heart. My friend, Dingobee…would you say you have a fragile heart too? I tell you my friends, to have been given a heart so fragile, is A very TOUGH thing. Other than the fact that I know I should be thankful for every cell of being I am, I have a lot of things to feel sorry for when it comes to this. This fragile heart might not stand too much of anything this life has to offer – it can break into pieces so so easily. Can I collect the pieces and make my heart whole again? You tell me, my friends.

I still feel the heat from the tremendous sadness that I had months ago. I had never felt so so hurt…and still, it has not come close to the pain you once had, Dingobee. It was so funny that I thought I was over the person. Almost a year I have been lying to myself that I was over him. I even tried to hook up with a few other guys who tried to get my attention. I thought I was over him. I even wrote a posting to my first blog for the world to read, that I was finally OVER him. Boy, was I wrong. I couldn’t be wrong about it because my heart was bleeding like crazy by the time I learnt something about the man I once loved. The man that I have hurt so so badly and the man who might not have the accurate idea that he actually had really won my heart, like never before. I walked like a zombie. I didn’t know what was happening around me. I reached my room and I turned on the song “WHEN YOU’RE GONE” by Avril Lavigne, and that was when my tears started to pour like crazy. I pressed my chest where my heart is, and I felt it bled. Oh it was so painful. I put my face on my pillow so that I could cry and cry without having to worry that I would skip a tiny sound from my crying. I wanted so so much to scream and let go as I cried, but I couldn’t let the world know how much I was hurting inside. I couldn’t let the world know that I was so so weak. I didn’t remember if I said his name repeatedly. I didn’t remember if I said I’m sorry. I didn’t remember that after all my tears, it was still the best thing to happen for both of us. But I think, it was logical that I cried out, “Oh God, help me God…it’s hurting me so badly. Help me God…I can’t stand this pain…” because I remember taking a 7-inch cross from my drawer and hugged it. I needed a strength that I was sure I didn’t have. I poured out my tears until I had no more tears to cry as I was hugging the cross. Now, do you feel like crying too?

 

Do we have to do all that to let go off the pain? In my case, I don’t have a choice. I just followed what my body felt like doing. And even after the painful nite, I was still finding myself crying even at work. My tears just built up at the corner of my eyes and I would wipe them before I ended up embarrassing myself. Woww…isn’t that something? It’s beyond our control. Do you think I want to go through something like that, Once Again? No, right? I would be crazy if I say that I enjoy it.

Look at me now. It was only months ago and now I feel like I have left it years ago. Life can throw anything at you, my friends. It’s How You Take It. Yeah, you don’t have a choice, so just take it all. But watch where you’re moving my friends. Don’t call it a quit yet. I don’t have that strength but yet, I survived it. Why can’t you? I tell you, YOU DON’T WANT TO BE ME, just by knowing how fragile I am. But here I am today. I can smile, I can laugh and I am feeling more powerful than ever. It’s MEANT to be that way, my friends. Some special people will drop by at your life, some shorter, some longer…but each of them will leave a mark in your life. How you cope with it will remain a priceless experience to you. If you have to cover your face on your pillow and hug a cross to sleep just so you can survive the painful now, Go Ahead and Do It. Survive The Pain. What matters is…who you are tomorrow and the days after. 

You want to do it my way? Try this. I never make enemies with the person I once loved. I might get hurt so badly, but he might not know it at all. I will always remember him for all the loving person he is. That doesn’t hurt at all, my friend. Remember that you can choose what to bring with you on your way to your old days. Make sure to store all the great things life taught you. You will need those to your dying breath. Breakups or your moments of glory…they will all be your treasure one day. Trust Me. :)