We have been brainwashed since childhood. We have been told how to live. We have been tortured about the society standard. We were "formatted" to follow that direction. How did it feel?
I'm at the stage of my life where I wanted to rebel and get out of that system. It could mean disobedient. It could mean insolence. But I'm done being robotic. I'm done being run by a system. You know what? Deep inside me I long for something. I want to be sincere with myself. It's not fair for everyone or everything else that I associate with, to receive anything less than sincerity. If it's that bad, at least I'm sincere. AT LEAST.
That explains why I stop doing things. It could be one of those that I was formatted to do. I don't think anything deserves my insincere self anymore. I've done so many insincere things in my life. Anything I should be proud about? Those were part of my mistakes. I want to leave it with my past.
So the result of this, though I might look like I change to worse, it's not really the case. But I can't explain to everyone. I just want to do things sincerely from here. This life deserves that side of me. If maturity doesn't give me that, I don't know what else. Lets break this pattern of following the flow that doesn't fit us anymore. We learnt too much to ignore this. So 2020, I guess I will continue with that direction. No regrets. Do it sincerely, or do not do it at all. Fullstop.
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