I Could Say No

Actually, we have choice. We always have a choice. I am in the position to say No when my customers make a request. 256, can you do this tomorrow? Sometimes, they don't even deserve to ask me that because I don't owe them anything when they pay no upfront payment (most of the time is because I don't ask for it). Sometimes I'm not sure if I could do it on time so I put it on hold by not asking for any deposit, which means they could risk getting an excuse from me for not being able to get the job done. Which means I'm still contemplating and see how my schedule goes.

But my customers, most of them know that I can do all that but they kind of know that I have empathy. I will not let them go in vain. They know I won't send them go that way. Especially when they say Please. Especially when they say "256, I beg you". Like today, I'm tempted to just reject these few tasks because I have many other things to do in my own schedule and taking a new task will just delay me. I said No without much thought. But that desperation gives me the idea that they really don't know who else could do it in that given time. While on my side, I only need to sacrifice a bit of my time, or maybe forcing myself to be in the mood to do it. Tell you what, maybe Empathy is the word. It feels easier when you have that in your heart.

I could say that I felt used when these customers rushed me and they still get my leniency. I usually did it without extra charge. Not because I couldn't ask for it. I Could. But again, Empathy tells me that they have enuff troubles and I lose nothing if I just do it at normal charge. Because I have it all on my fingertips and I know it. It's just either I want to do it or not.

Yesterday, a customer told me about she wanted to help a friend selling some authentic silver tray, and also she wanted to look for a buyer for this piece of land in KB. I was not interested in those. But today I told that to another friend and that friend was interested. I contacted that customer to ask for some details and she sounded so thankful for me that I actually tried and ask around for her. "Semoga murah rezeki kau" she said. I was like, Ops, what did I do? I did nothing lah. I just ask a friend because she might be interested. I don't think I'm doing anyone a favour. It's like an info that should be shared, so why not?

There's a reason behind everything. You are here for a purpose. God doesn't just give you intelligence so you could put it at the corner for display. He wants you to use all your ability for the things that benefit. But I still think the choice to say No is still up to us. Our conscience of right and wrong. Eventhough I will continue to struggle with every choice of whether or not someone deserves me favour, in the end it's still up to me. "256, you can say No," I imagine God says that. "Yes God, but it's okay. I'll do this just this time". And I keep repeating it. Why is it so hard? What did I lose? Pride? Ego? 

Blessings yang besar this year, sometimes I wonder if those little things I've been doing especially when I wanted so much to say No but I still did it anyway, I wonder if those are the reason for these blessings. 

Whatever it is, I'm on my way to not waste them.