31-Day Photo Blog Challenge!

Hi peeps. I'm quite unprepared but this will make it more interesting. I will do the challenge anyway. So for those frequent visitors of my blog. I dedicate this to all of you. 

To make it fair for me, I have no rules. LOLS. Ok kidding. The only rule is I upload at least photo everyday, for 31 days for the whole month of May. What interesting is, these photos will not be from googles. They are real photo of things that I take with my own phone. You know I don't really share photos online, right?  Ok lets do this. *Actually at this point I still have nothing in mind. But I still want to do this. Hehe. Okay, laters peeps. 

Dear Quitters...

Quitters are creatures not hard to find. They are everywhere. The similar trait they have is - When things get a bit tougher, THEY QUIT. They quit no matter how hard they started it. They quit no matter how much they want it to work. They quit when they can be strong but still choose to remain weak. So, Dear Quitters, finding another you will not surprise me at all. As you know, it's not really your fault. You are just not passionate enough. I wish you can find something that your passion can grow and nurture so you won't quit  halfway. I wish that you get to see the fruit of your labour. Find something you promise to fight till the end, until you find your pot of gold. Promise me you do that.

"Tukang Buang Harga"

Untuk yang masih blur2 sama istilah Buang Harga ni, dia bermaksud kasi turun price sesuatu produk secara melampau. Iaitu buat price yg "berani mati"= untung ciput pun jadilah (ciput tahap unrealistic). Biasanya si Tukang Buang Harga ni adalah mereka2 yang kunun2nya sudah study pasaran dan menilai kedudukan dorang ketika tu, dan camana untuk dorang masuk dalam pasaran and maybe menguasai pasaran yang ada beberapa pesaing lain. In other words, dorang berazam mau bikin kejutan sama pesaing-pesaing dorang pasal berapa beraninya dorang kasi price begitu. Mungkin sekali imbas macam dorang nampak sangat macam ala-ala strategist gitu, kununnya dorang tau apa dorang buat and "you just wait and see, I'll show you how it is done". Apa pun sia mau nyatakan sia punya disclaimer di sini yang apa yang sia tulis ni bukannya pandangan professional or wat, just my personal opinion berdasarkan pengalaman dan observation sia sendiri.

Buang harga ni actually doesn't need a strategist. Just a simple mind yang mau menjauhi rugi. Takut sales sikit. Teda bikin bayar machine yang mahal. Teda bikin bayar material. Teda bikin bayar pekerja. So, actually dorang bukannya Strategists. It's more kepada Desperados selepas dorang sudah berani kasi labur banyak duit untuk set up business dorang. Mau tanding sama competitors yang ada loyal customers masing2. What they want is kalau buli, biar tu customers semua lari sama dorang. Yang lain tu apa jadi, jadilahhhh. Pandai2 la kamu cari jalan camana mau hidup. Yeah, so ngam ka macam ni lah dalam fikiran si tukang buang harga? Sia tanya sebab sia main teka seja apa dalam fikiran kamu. How I got my opinion? Adalah sebab I am one of the players in my field too. We have our own tukang buang harga too. Jadi bukan juga sia bangun2 ja tidur terus sia menulis berdasarkan mimpi semalam. Hahahaha.

Kamu tau impact buang harga sama pasaran? YOU DESTROY the market punya potential value. What I mean is, kalau dulu market dorang tu potensi dia Level A. Maksudnya produk or service dalam market dorang tu ada market value yang high. People would pay so much to get product or service from your market sebab itulah level yang kena set oleh business operators yang sebelumnya. Thanks to them! Hebatnya orang2 dulu sebab BERJAYA kasi set level yg begitu bagus untuk market dorang. Means sepa2 yang datang selepas dorang, dapat menuai hasil dari kecerdikan dorang dulu. But keuntungan kita adakah kasi rugi dorang? Tidak kan? Kita sama2 untung. Itu adalah kecerdikan pemain market iaitu long term punya impact. Dorang ni la yang betul2 UNDERSTAND apa yang dorang buat.

Si tukang2 buang harga ni adalah pembunuh legacy orang2 lama yang cerdik tu. Si Tukang buang harga is a short term player. But guys, I don't blame you. Maybe kau masuk cara shortcut. Tidak bekakai dari bawah macam kami. Sia faham kamurang banyak mau bayar. It's DO or DIE. Tapi do you wonder apa jadi sama dorang when dorang buang harga? Confirm kebaboom ka bisnes dorang? Berdasarkan satu study case sia ni, si Tukang buang harga sorang ni actually bermula dengan jinak2 ja. Dorang buang harga tapi dorang duduk diam2. Sepa terjumpa dorang, dapat la harga tu. Tapi dorang masih berkakai selepas 2 tahun. Masih tidak jadi pilihan. Padahal harga sudah buang. Sudahlah untung sikit, customer pun masih nda ramai, jadi apa macam? So selepas 2 tahun, dorang finally tayang taring. Mau keluar dari belenggu buang harga tapi masih tidak jadi top player sebab kurang marketing. Nahhh satu kalii dorang marketing, bukan alang2. Semua jalan2 utama ada advertisement dorang pasal Harga Gila dorang tu. Semua older players terbeliak mata. Uii, sepa tu kasi price gitu? Yang tukang buang harga ni faham ka kenapa kami terkejut?

Kalau kau kira kau punya kos di atas kertas, YES, maybe cuma beberapa sen seja. So kalau kau jual contohnya RM2 pun, banyak sudah bah tuuu. Yeah, gitu la simple dia cara dorang berfikir. Dorang ndamau fikir banyak pasal kos tersembunyi. For them, biar la tu semua sebab teda guna dikaji berabis tapi customer krik2. Bagus lagi kita "gadaikan" apa yang ada asalkan customers datang berpusu-pusu. So akhirnya kau akan dapat penangan juga atas keberanian kau tu, akhirnya kau akan nampak juga customer berbaris. Sioknya kan? Itu yg kau mau! Jadi berhempas pulas la kau dan staff2 kau untuk kasi siap semua order, but then selepas penat2 tu semua, kau kira2 yang kau dapat, rupanya peluh sebaldi, sales banyak tapi lepas kalau tolak sana sini, baru tinggal berapa ah? Ala boleh lah tu. Yang penting staff ada gaji, mesin buli bayar dan sebagainya. Kau peduli apa sama market kau kan??? Bukan kau punya pun tu market kann?? Hahahahaha. Uina, triggered nampaknya dat kemon. Hahahahaha

Gini guys, don't worry. Your pesaings masih buli survive selepas apa yang kamurang bikin. Dorang survive dengan cara masing2. Patah sayap bertongkat paruh, apa yang kau peduli kan? Bukan sodara kau pun kan? LOLS. Kamurang tau ka apa impact sama market yang dulunya Level A ni? Suddenly kau kasi jatuh tu level pegi D, lepas tu customers punya behaviour pun bertukar. Dorang fikir WE ARE CHEAP. Yeah, itu yg sia mau cakap. Customer sudah tidak pandai value nilai kerja kita lagi. KAU FIKIR KITA CHEAP KA? NOOOOO, WE ARE NOT CHEAP. Kau tau ka kamirang pun bersengkang mata sampai kurang tidur untuk bikin kerja kami, walaupun customer kami cuma beberapa kerat seja but WE DO ALL THAT DAMN THING also. But kami punya price setimpal sama commitment kami. Kamurang pula datang2 ja terus buang harga, sekaligus kau perlekehkan nilai kerja kami. Cos customers akan ikut rentak kamu sebab for them itu menguntungkan dorang. But not in a fair way! Sebab suddenly customer tidak nampak desperation kamu. Dorang cuma nampak yang rupanya kerja kami MURAH dan kami overcharge dorang selama ni. And last2, kau sendiri pun UPSET sama diri kamu when you find out, your competitors are still strong dengan price lama. WHY HAVEN'T WE KILL THEM YET? - You possibly have that in your mind.

Cos eventually you need to understand something that customers yang sudah faham sama value kerja kami, dorang tidak peduli pasal price. Price yg bagus adalah untuk appreciation atas dedication kami kasi siap task. Yang buang harga gila2 ni usually ada impact yg indirect contohnya they have to deal with terlampau banyak customers gara2 murah and dorang definitely teda masa mau kasi kau layanan VIP. Sedangkan ada customers yang mau VIP treatment tu. They mau words dorang kena dengar, dorang mau attention kau. And si polan yang buang harga ni nda dapat kasi ni sebab dorang kena bubut deadlines yang banyak. But wait guys, bila tambah tolak bahagi darab, si tukang buang harga kena cari 5 customers untuk keuntungan yang sama dengan 1 customer kami. It doesn't mean that WE WIN. It only means that our work is more worth it. And rest assured kualiti kerja kami definitely is better judging from commitment yg kami dapat kasi untuk setiap customer and kami tidak rasa rugi bagi commitment tu sebab berbaloi dengan price. What about you? Mesti kamu rasa mau marah sama customers yang cerewet. Mesti kamu cakap, "Sudahlah kasi harga murah, mau cerewet lagi." So last2 kau sendiri sakit hati. Kerja siapa juga kan? Kau tinguk lah di cermin, itu la jawapan dia.

So kawan2 sekalian, do you guys get the idea? Ini bukannya just about "Hey, timbang rasa la sikit sama customers. Ingat semua customer ni kaya ka mau bayar mahal2?" But contohnya handbag. Kalau handbag tu kos dia RM10 ja tapi dia jual kau RM100, kau akan beli kalau kau mau dan perlu tu handbag. So in the end, your money is all your right how to spend it. Kerja kami, cost tidak boleh dikira di atas kertas semata-mata. Kami perah otak dan tolong kamu fikir while kamu boleh rest and tidur cukup2. Means, kalau one day kami decide tidak mau bikin kerja kamu, itu adalah decision kami. Selagi kami larat untuk layan karenah kamu, we have a deal but one day maybe we think we have enuff with you and akan reject walau berapa pun duit kau ampai di meja. You get that percaturan? Kami bukan jual barang pasang siap. Setiap benda yang jadi adalah a result of dedication, passion dan sincerity mau buat yg sebaiknya. Now that you know what involves, kamu setuju ka sama tukang2 buang harga ni? If ditakdirkan dorang close business di tengah jalan, imagine legacy yang dorang kasi waris untuk the incoming business players. Buli kah kami simply angkat balik pegi Level A bila kamu tarik diri nanti?  

Go figure. 

Photo credit from Google images

No-Flirting-At-Work Policy

So if you read my FB post today, I wrote something about passing my customers to my colleague. I think of the main reason why I did that was, their task is always urgent. Sometimes they caught me in the middle of a work and I had to stop just to do theirs. Sometimes I allowed this but sometimes it was just so disturbing. Second is Payment. The big boss is a busy man. It is always his workers who deal directly with me but the payment will be made later by the boss. I dislike the act of reminding someone of the due payment when it's not even a big amount. But it can't go for free. Until now there is still remaining balance that the boss has yet to settle. I can't keep on reminding him again but if I let it go, which I could, I rather not do any future work from them anymore. So remind me this is the main reason why I pass them to my colleague.

Secondly, I might joke and talk a lot at work, but I DON'T FLIRT. Maybe some of my customers misunderstand my friendliness, or maybe flirting is just their way of being friendly to any female. I hate the idea that I flirt with my customers, NO, I don't do that. It always started from sugary words, and then the next thing is they start to get more conversation in whatsapp outside work scope. I DON'T DO THAT TOO. I really want to be straightforward and professional with work. So when one of the guys under this same boss, starts to flirt and not even his boss dares to do that to me, I just do it my way. I only answer his text when it's about work. He should get the message clear by now but he just doesn't. When he doesn't get any response in whatsapp, once in a while he takes the chance to meet me, making these tasks as an excuse. So everytime he meets me, he will start to throw all kinds of flattery words to me, which he knows I couldn't just ignore him because it's not like he said something bad. That's his way of being friendly. I bet he does that to every ladies he meets. So it's really harmless banter to him. But it made me uncomfortable especially because I know he's a married man and he has a very possessive wife. Mind you, his wife went to my place once (looking unhappy that time) I didn't know why, but maybe she wanted to tell everyone that the guy has a wife and that's her. LOLS. I'm so glad that this No-Flirting-At-Work policy is really a wise move by me cos I don't give anyone the reason to accuse that I'm taking work deal out of the context. Garsh, why do I even have to write this? LOLS.

When he knew that I didn't want to do their tasks anymore, he realized that I was avoiding them. He said, "Kau mimang nda mau jumpa kami lagi bah kan? Jahat o kau" Hahahahaha. He would have said "me" instead of "them" but he wasn't alone that time. Even his friend noticed he was a little bit too flirty around me. Like he would comment everything from my hair, my smile, my face, OMIGAWD. That was so awkward. In fact he said something about taking home one of my photos at the wall. It left his friend jaw-dropped too because the joke sounded a bit overboard. It was all just a joke to him but he could be mistaken as if he was so obsessed with me. Hahahahahaha. Actually the guy is quite charming. He has this certain criteria that usually gets my attention but that's all. At least seeing him trying to flirt so much is still bearable because I don't hate it but I Don't like it either.

Who doesn't flirt or doesn't know how to flirt? Everybody knows how. If you know me from the chatroom, I'm a big flirt in there. LOLS. I flirt till your nose bleed (ok just kidding) but that's just me in the chatroom. In reality I'm really the opposite. And never ever in work environment. I wonder if he realizes that his harmless flirting contributes to the reason why I want to limit my encounter with him, though that's not the main reason. I have done the same thing to other customers before who creates problem somewhere and I just don't want to deal with them. I rather concentrate on customers who are easy to deal with.

Guys, seriously, can we all just follow this No-Flirting-At-Work policy? We have enough issues with our work, we can make mistake and make losses. Why not just stick to work, progress and profit? Yeah lets do that. Go flirt somewhere else, not at work. And to my customers, go flirt with somebody else, not me. LOLS

31-Day Blog Challenge Next?

I think I should do something more to make up for all the time I was not around in this babyblog of mine. I think I'm gonna make a 31-day blog challenge for the month of May. Which means, I'm gonna write one post EVERYDAY for 31 days.

Yay or Nay? I still have a few days to change my mind about it. Hehe. Ok laters peeps.

The Messy Mind Kind of Dream

I don't take my dreams seriously. Cos they are usually the result of my messy mind. That's why they never make sense. But then I'm not a dream person. I seldom dream. Then when I dream, I dream nonsense dream. Darn. LOLS

I just had my late afternoon nap (my routine on Sunday) and I had this dream. I went to a place with a senior friend, I called her kakak. She always lepak at my place so it looked like just another lunch session with her. But the place is so unfamiliar. It was quite a big restaurant building with kampung interior. We sat at the table when a lady in hijab came to take our order. The kakak ordered something but I did not because I was not interested with the menu. So the lady said, you can also order something else inside. Then I came into the other room closer to the kitchen and saw foods I like, I only remember rendang daging. She said, you can also take the foods here if you want, instead of ordering a new menu. I thought, yeah why not. The next thing I was at the table nearby with some food served, I also couldn't remember. Not sure why I did not join si kakak outside. The next thing I remember there was an office area around the place I was eating, and there was a guy there. I recalled a Malay looking guy, short and I don't recognize his face. So we chatted a bit. He talked like he owns the business. Bla bla bla bla bla. But then I suddenly remembered that I knew that the business belonged to a woman. So I said, Eh wait, Bukan your wife ka own this place? He immediately answered, Ya, bini sia la punya semua ni. Kami tulung2 dia jaga ja. Then I thought, Cehh, kalau sia nda cakap, nda juga dia kasitau tu bini dia punya. Sebab cara dia bercakap tu macam la yang punya. But it was after that macam our conversation stopped and he had to attend something else. And suddenly it got hectic. I realized it was dark and I looked outside, the kakak was not there. I was panic because the place was unfamiliar and I did not know where it was. Especially when it was now dark. As a person who doesn't sembarang keluar malam, this situation is considered alarming for me. So I wanted to pay for my foods but everyone was busy running errand. No one heard me. While I was panicking, I thought I should just leave. Biar la tu makanan belum bayar. Yang penting I must save myself from that place first. I remember calling my friend in case she heard me and answer back but nope. Many hijabers in the that place I could not find my friend among them. Then I realized tu restaurant tinggi dan sia kena turun banyak tingkat lagi untuk keluar. Wah paniknya. Sempat lagi sia fikir, nanti ja bila sia selamat sampai sia cari nama tu restoran, contact sepa2 dan minta akaun number dan bank in harga makanan sia tu. Sempat lagi sia terfikir possibility kena viral sebab lari ja nda membayar. Hahahahahaha.

Sia keluar tu pagar, Oh man punya gelap. Tempat yg asing. Then I said, should I call a grab? Ah, ndamauu. Entah sepa2 la driver yang sia dapat nanti tu. SCARY eh. I rather take the bus. Ada tu motor ngam2 keluar, sia tahan dia, Di sini ada bas lalu ka? Macam dia pun inda pasti ah. Punya lah sia kepanikan tu masa. Dengan banyak kereta lalu lalang. Sia nekad pi seberang dan try my luck kalau2 ada bas. Memang banyak bas limpas! Tapi semua tidak mau stop sebab dorg macam kena charter, ada football match or something. Oh please oh please let me get a bus!! Then suddenly ada satu bus berhenti. Sia punya relieved, cepat2 sia naik, ada tempat duduk. Then sebelah sia tu macam ada satu nenek tua yang nda berapa betul. Sia tepaksa bangun dan tukar tempat. Sandi situasi sia tu masa. Bikin kesian pun ada juga. Hehe. Masa tu baru sia teringat phone sia ah. Then sia tenampak mau dekat 8.30 malam sudah pula tu and nobody cari sia ah. Punya sia heran. Then sia cepat2 tulis wasap trying to explain situasi sia, sebab macam sia pegi tempat tu tanpa diketahui oleh family sia. So di wasap tu sia susun la ayat sia kasitau camana sia buli ada di restoran asing and terlajak sampai malam, dan sia actually tulis tu semua untuk minta ambil di stesen bas. Then tiba2...

Sia tergerak dari tidur sia dan masa tu sia realize sia actually bermimpi, then I said, STOP TYPING, STOPPPPPP. This is just a dream!!! I don't have to finish the typing, I only have to open my eyes and this scary thing will vanish! TING!! I opened my eyes and memaki ahh. Kurang asaammmmmmmmm. Mimpi bah pulaaaa. Phewww

Akhirnya sia lega sia hapuskan situasi tu dengan buka mata. Thank God I'm still alive. hehehehe. So gini2 la rupa mimpi sia. Sometimes dia ala2 adventure sikit trapped dalam building, and then ada drama dia. Semua nda masuk akal. Pernah juga sia mimpi kununnya sia, tapi bukan sia yang bawa watak diri sia tu. Sia macam watch satu movie yg orang lain yg bawa watak sia tapi time sia mimpi tu sia assume tu urg adalah sia. Gila kan? Hahahahaha. Your dream is like what's going on in your head. My messy thoughts, sometimes dalam keadaan jaga pun sia tidak buli bezakan sama ada apa yang sia ada dlm kepala sia tu adalah possibility yang I have in my head or benda yang memang telah terjadi before. Shut Up 256. You and your nonsense dream. LOLS

My messy mind, please work out on a dream where I will see a 4 digit number clearly and make sure itu number keluar first price 4D the first draw selepas tu ah. Can ka? Hahahahahahaha

"Her Forgiveness"

Sammi Cheng and Andy Hui, both are famous Hong Kong celebrities, got married in 2013. They were referred as fairytale couple. But is fairytale even real? 

Then one day, the bomb was dropped. The taxi recorded the video that proved Andy Hui was cheating on his wife with another celebrity, Jacqueline Wong. The taxi driver actually sold the second video that might reveal more. Lets say the video was never taken, the cheating still took place but no one had to come forward and explain. And apologize.

So maybe after the pressure that was built by the media, friends and family, Andy Hui did a press conference and admitted everything. Tearfully. He said he was drunk but could not make it as an excuse. He also admitted being lusty and he did not know himself anymore. Actually the affair has been on for months and no one would know if it was not for this leaked video. The woman he has affair with also has a celebrity boyfriend.

Actually, it's nothing new right? Cheating, infidelity, extramarital relationship, it's all at the tip of your fingers. According to my friend, cheating is just so easy to do. From her experience with the male colleague that she had to spend long hours on a car trip with, something could just happen between them and their spouse will not have to find out. They could just do it out of convenience, out of boredom, out of mutual understanding etc, cos when you spend a lot of time with someone that you are comfortable with, and you get too familiar and comfortable to exchange adult jokes and conversations, the next thing could be IT.

Actually, sesiapa pun buli ada di tempat si Jacqualine. Kalau kau ada chance mau rapat sama someone yang you find attractive, especially when kau adalah perempuan, kau mainkan peranan besar dalam satu cerita kecurangan. Dulu sia heran, kenapa mesti wife serang orang ke-3 dalam kebanyakan kes yang kita dengar. I used to say, "Kau tampiling duluan husband kau" (LOLS) tapi banyak betulnya juga kenapa si perempuan kedua tu yang kena serang duluan sebab...lelaki adalah lelaki. Dorang memang ada nature buaya yang sukakan perempuan. Dorang sudah kawin ka, anak sudah berderet ka, dorang sudah dicipta begitu. Begitulah kejadian makluk yg berjantina lelaki ni. Perempuan adalah kelemahan dorang. So kiranya orang di tempat si Jacqualine yang memang sudah ada boyfriend pun, kalau kau decide untuk test kau punya power sama lelaki yang kau idolize tapi kau tidak boleh miliki sebab dia sudah kawin, and then jerat kau mengena, maka terjadilah kecurangan. Tu lelaki boleh ja tolak tapi bagi dia, selagi kau nda goda dia, maybe dia tidak akan buat. Dia letakkan diri dia dalam situasi Helpless atau Tidak berdaya dan akan salahkan perempuan ke 2 tu yang goda dia. Since we know nature lelaki yang kununnya Helpless melawan godaan, dats why perempuan2 di luar sana akan terus hantam tu perempuan ke 2 duluan sebab memanipulasi kelemahan lelaki. Gitu kaitu? Hahahahahaha (Tulunglah...LOLS)

But kamu tau kah, apa yang paling menyakitkan bagi seorang perempuan? Adalah when her man cheats on her. Kau buli tolerate dia malas. Kau buli tolerate dia kedekut atau berkira. Kau buli tolerate dia tiada kerja. Semua tu memang cukup teruk. Sama juga kau buli buang dia dari hidup kau BUT sakit yg dicurangi tu sangat lain macam pedih dia. Jadi what do you think kalau kau jadi si Sammi? Belum tau lagi tiada pertumpahan darah kan? Hahahaha. Considering popularity dia, actually benda ni sangat sangat memalukan dan mencalar maruah dia. Apa lagi bila dorang laki bini sudah pamerkan imej pasangan bahagia. But what Sammi did was, SHE FORGIVES HIM. Seriously! She did that!

Berapa orang yg boleh jadi macam si Sammi? Mampukah kamu kasi maaf pasangan kamu yg curang? Luckily life ni not just about kamu dua org. Dorang kena ambil kira kerjaya, fans, family, dan reputasi. Sia teka ja yang Sammi actually teda choice yg lebih baik sebab maybe dia faham kalau dia berkeras, cerita ni akan jadi besar and it will hurt even more. Why not just publicize yang Dia maafkan laki dia especially when si Andy sudah bikin sesuatu yg sangat berani dengan menangis dan mengaku di depan press. Dia sudah ganti sama malu yg cukup besar dengan buat gitu. But then dalam hati si Sammi, hanya dia seja yg tau.

Actually teda sepa pun yg layak untuk advice sebab kita sendiri belum tentu tidak akan diuji berada di tempat si Jacqualine. And seteruk-teruk satu kecurangan, belum tentu kita tidak akan bikin macam si Sammi yang memilih untuk memaafkan. Anything new kah dalam world ni? Kawin 30 tahun pun belum tentu boleh terus sampai ke akhir. Manusia ada hati yg boleh berubah. Soal hati sangat rumit dan abstract. 1000 kali kau rasa kau tidak patut and tidak mau suka someone, but takes only one time for you to decide to listen to your heart. Sometimes it takes sacrifice juga untuk elakkan benda2 ni semua berlaku. When responsibility kau sudah melebihi kemahuan diri kau sendiri. Especially when kau ada wife yang berusaha, kau sampai hati kah? Same with the ladies juga. Kita sampai hati kah? Kalau ndamau dilambung ombak, jangan berumah di tepi pantai kan? Then pandai2 lah menilai priority masing2. Apa pun kau buat, jangan sampai MENYESAL :)

The Tears On Good Friday

Adakah yang masih tidak tau apa actually Good Friday? I'm sure issue viral pasal billboard merah yang ada salib pasal Jumaat Agung mesti sedikit sebanyak tarik perhatian kamu. Kenapa sampai ada billboard besar untuk Jumaat Agung ni ah? Sedangkan bukan pun Krismas. Penting ka Jumaat Agung or Good Friday ni?

So sebagai seorang Katolik yang menyambut hari ni, sia explain secara ringkas. Semua Malaysians tau pasal lambang salib. Salib tu actually bukanlah satu simbol yang significant di zaman dulu, in fact penyaliban tu adalah hukuman untuk pesalah-pesalah or penjenayah. So di zaman tu, boleh dikatakan satu perkara yang terkutuk untuk dihukum di kayu salib. Seolah-olah kau adalah penjenayah yang melakukan kesalahan besar.  

Yesus or Jesus ditangkap sebab when dia claim dia adalah Anak Tuhan or Messiah, dia seolah-olah mencabar pihak yg berkuasa ketika tu. Pengikut dia pun semakin ramai selepas nampak mukjizat yang dia sudah buat termasuklah menyembuhkan orang sakit dan membangkitkan orang mati. So masa tu Pontius Pilate adalah gabenor yang mewakili Maharaja Rom masa tu. Dia yang berkuasa jatuhkan hukuman. Tapi selepas dia siasat, dia rasa Jesus tidak bersalah sebab bukan pun dia mau jadi King of Jews as what the people claimed. So dia bagi chance untuk dorang bebaskan Jesus, suruh dorg pilih sama ada mau bebaskan Jesus or Barnabas (iaitu seorang pencuri) but they picked Barnabas. Akhirnya Jesus dijatuhkan juga hukuman salib.

Di sebalik kejadian ini, Jesus already knew dia punya jalan cerita. Prior to that, dia sudah mentioned yang dia akan dikhianati oleh salah seorang pengikut dia, dia akan disalibkan dan mati di kayu salib. Ini adalah satu journey yang SANGAT PENTING untuk Jesus untuk complete mission dia. Pada ketika tu, orang Jews di bawah ajaran Moses, percaya kepada SACRIFICE dalam bentuk korban binatang iaitu untuk menebus dosa dorang tapi hanya bersifat sementara. Sebab dorang percaya Adam & Eve sudah committed the first sin yang menyebabkan semua umat manusia sudah jatuh dalam dosa. So apa yang Jesus buat adalah satu Ultimate Sacrifice yang help humans to redeem themselves daripada dosa yang diwarisi tu. Itu lah kami panggil dia Saviour.  So biarpun kejadian penyaliban tu sesuatu yg penuh penghinaan, tapi dia buat juga untuk fulfill mission dia. Actually, ramai yang masih tidak percaya apa yang Jesus cakap sampailah dia mati disalibkan. Dia ada cakap yang dia akan BANGKIT pada hari ke-3. Dorang check makam dia pada hari ke-3 dan cuma nampak kain balutan dia ja. Pun mungkin masih orang anggap yg mungkin mayat dia dicuri. Sampailah dia muncul semula di kalangan pengikut dia, di sana lah semua persoalan terjawab. Iaitu apa yang Jesus cakap selama ni adalah betul. Jadi Good Friday adalah memperingati satu peristiwa yang sangat penting. It's in fact satu peristiwa yang penuh air mata, kesedihan dan juga terharu atas pengorbanan. Kami Katolik akan buat upacara menghormati salib, dengan mencium patung Jesus di salib yang disediakan. I know it sounds a bit like "menyembah berhala" but NO, it's just a symbol. Cos salib yang dorang guna tu ada banyak, lain2 material dan saiz. It's not like just one particular salib yg diagung-agungkan. It's a symbolic since it's not like we can ever witness peristiwa penyaliban tu kan? We can never have Jesus in front of us, we can never express our sadness, our tears, our mourning. So Good Friday is untuk peristiwa ni. I usually will kiss Jesus image on the feet, sebab sia rasa di sana seja yang sia layak.

So now kamu faham why lambang salib tu jadi lambang yang penting untuk Kristian. Apa pun, cerita ni hanya tinggal cerita, sebab yang tidak percaya tidak akan dapat apa2 pun daripada dia. As a human being yang sentiasa mencari jawapan, actually apa exactly happened that time, I cannot be too analytical about it. Sebab dorang pun berpandu kepada tinggalan tulisan2 yang disatukan menjadi kitab. Apa yang penting kepada orang zaman sekarang adalah their belief in a greater Power up there. Maybe we inherit our religion from our parents, True, and when we grow up we choose to remain in that religion, also for a reason. Sebab kita FEEL itu blessing dalam life kita. When kita berdoa, doa kita didengar. Dan sampai satu tahap yang you can feel that Entity sitting next to you and listen to your crying. Kamu pernah experience ka tu? So sia bukannya berpandukan sangat kepada details cerita2 tu semua sebab sia tau, lain mazhab percaya kepada variation cerita yang berbeza. We know itu tafsiran masing2 kepada satu peristiwa yang sama. I don't want to fight, guys. Apa yang LAGI REAL dalam life sia adalah sia sangat diberkati. Kalau sia pray, I have Jesus image in my head. Or one Entity I can't really see but there's someone there in white robe. You know ka how many times kami DISELAMATKAN oleh satu kebetulan yg betul2 bertuah? Boleh ja kamu cakap ini semua satu fluke. Tapi TIDAK untuk sia. Sebab sia hari2 berdoa untuk perlindungan itu, and not to mention my parents yang memang rajin pray. For what? Praying is not bercakap kosong, guys. Praying is when you ask for something dengan A Very Big Faith in your heart. Faith itu Hidup. Jadi, apa juga keraguan tentang kepercayaan ni bermula dari kisah Jesus, itu sudah bukan jadi perkara utama. Sebab truth about Him will never be changed. Yang betul tetap betul biarpun kebenaran tu mungkin belum kami tau. Yang penting iman ni hidup dalam orang yg percaya. How did we handle our problems yang sometimes terlalu berat? Trust me, my strength bukan datang dari kebijaksanaan diri sia sendiri. Kalau bukan faith sia, I'm NOBODY yang kamu kenal sekarang. Not to mention berapa kali faith sia shake juga sebab sia dekat drown dalam difficult situations. Sampai sia bercakap pasal God macam sia nda kenal Dia langsung. Tapi akhirnya Dia juga la yang save sia sebab selagi sia bergantung kepada diri sia, sia akan terus lemah. Bila sia berpaut sama iman sia dalam doa, TRUST ME it does wonders. Suddenly kau bangun, fikiran kau terang. Kau nampak jalan keluar. Uina, I'm not joking, guys. Sia bukan mau lobby agama di sini. Sia mau kau stay dalam agama kau dan PERCAYA sama TUHAN dengan cara kau sendiri. Tidak payah perkecilkan orang lain yg tidak sama cara. Sebab kami semua pun ada cerita ajaib kenapa kami percaya. 

So, have a Blessed Good Friday to all. See you next post :)

"Kesian Kan Kita?"

Something yang sia observe dari persekitaran sia, banyak benda yang kita buat sebenarnya bukan kemahuan kita or totally datang dari hati. Kalau lah kita dibagi pilihan tu when no one's there to judge us, 1000 kali kita tolak dan inda mau bikin. Tapi apa yang sebenarnya berlaku, kita heret juga kaki kita bikin benda2 tu semua, every single time. The older we get, it gets more ridiculous doing it, but still we are still bound by the stigma that we must do it because people will watch us and expect us to do it, OR ELSE we will be straight away labelled as bad, insolent and immoral. And we don't want that. Sounds familiar?

That's why la sia terfikir tu phrase, Kesian kan kita? Banyak betul benda2 yang meletakkan kita dalam "keterpaksaan". People are getting less and less sincere. Ok ka bikin something tanpa keikhlasan? This week is the Holy Week for the Catholics. I myself is a Catholic. I used to be a frequent church-goer because that's what my dad taught us since we were kids. But it's a good thing, right? But if you read everything I wrote in this blog, you must have read my latest views about religions. Religion is just a medium. It's not GOD. It's not religion that we should bow to or worship. I'm sure most religion followers out there will not dare to say this because they have been brainwashed to the extent that they will accept everything as told by the church. Because I'm constantly looking for answer, as I sit there at the church, I saw that a lot of people don't want to be there. But they want to be seen that they are there so they still do it. They don't relate or connect to the ritual of the church anymore. Especially when we read from the book or projector everything that we should say. I still remember my friend from who is an Anglican, married to a Catholic and would like to attend Catholic mass but since her husband is not the church-goer type, so it's just easier to also not be a church-goer. Especially when their life is already awesome, they still pray at home and they still practice moral values in their lives. They just leave out the weekly masses because they simply can't connect with it. She told me, "How come Catholic mass is all about reading?" She's right. I got distracted too when the priest reads everything as if he will not know what to say when the book is not there. Don't you think they should at least memorize it all? They have been doing masses for years, they should remember every lines in the mass. But when I said this to another friend, "If you think you don't feel it during the mass, then MAKE yourself feel it." She meant to say, bukan silap itu mass yang bikin kau nda feel, kau sendiri mau make it happen supaya kau feel. 1000 kali sia mau agree with her but this is not new to me tau. I've been attending masses since I was very little. I've been there, I've done that.

When I attend masses, sia suka duduk di sebelah depan. Sebab for me, alang2 kau attend, kau mesti mau give commitment. But I know so many people who rather duduk paling hujung, paling belakang dan kalau buli tidak payah dengar or nampak apa2. Asalkan ada di area church. Kalau sia yang jenis duduk depan ni pun buli ada this kind of argument in my head, what about those yang "asal2 datang" ja tu? Itu lah sia bilang, sia rasa Kesian pula sama kita sebab kita buat something yang we don't put our heart and soul into it. We don't feel it. We don't mean it. And yang paling kesian, kita bikin juga sebab kita mau please mata orang yang judge kita. Kita ndamau kena bising, kena cakap2 dan kena pandang serong oleh orang2 yang rasa dorg lagi bagus dari kita. How I know, sebab sia pernah jadi orang yg judge orang lain juga but then as we mature, we understand many things. I grow to dislike when religions sometimes lose their grip on what they really are. They forgot that religion tu adalah untuk God, bukan untuk manusia yang handle institusi tu. Sampaikan satu part dorang lupa yang dorang sama juga berdosa macam kita, boleh tamak, boleh mata duitan, boleh materialistik, boleh lusty, boleh main politik, boleh menghakimi dan seolah-olah dorang sendiri adalah terkecuali  daripada rules of God. No, sometimes they make the rules and claim it was from God. Nda hazy dan kabur2 ka pandangan kamu when suddenly it's not just about being a good person, banyak lagi peraturan remeh temeh yang agama bikin yang sedia untuk menghukum kita kalau kita nda buat. Oh man, kesiannya kita kan?

God is the only ultimate truth for me. I don't mengagungkan religion yang adalah buatan manusia tapi sia faham dan terima religion is a good medium to God kalau kita practise secara moderate. Tapi kalau kau jadi extreme sama religion kau, jadi lah macam2 kejahatan di dunia ni juga. Kalau begitu kejadian dia, jelaslah religion itu bukan sentiasa betul. Sebab religion la kita bergaduh dan berperang, mengadili dan menghakimi, kita rasa kita bagus dan holy... Doi tulunglahh. We have seen enough, right? Mesti ramai nda berani tulis begini kan? Sebab kamu takut kena kecam. Kamu takut kamu kedapatan yang, Oh, rupanya si polan binti si polan ni nda lah bagus betul pun. Buli persoalkan macam2 pula. Kan sepatutnya kita terima dan jangan banyak tanya? Ya, gitu la budak2 kena ajar. Kau persoalkan ja, kau berdusa sudah tu. Nahhh, ngam ka manusia yang tentukan benda2 macam ni?

Anyway, sia faham juga kita masih dan akan terus terikat dengan hal2 macam ni. Tapi when it comes to religion why not kita kasi JELAS kita punya visi dan misi kita adalah hanya TUHAN dan tiada yang lain. My point is, bila sia tinguk kamu dan kamu tinguk sia, kamu paham betapa Kesiannya kita sebab kita terikat dengan rasa bersalah kita selagi kita nda kasi tinguk orang yg kita pun macam dorang. Kau perlukan satu mental journey untuk betul2 jelas sama benda2 macam ni and not afraid to say it and act it like you mean it. Please don't be one of the extremists out there and berhentilah mengadili dan menghakimi orang lain. Your life is just as messy as mine, and you are just as sinful and I am. Faith shouldn't be made complicated. All glory and honour belongs to Almighty God, ALONE. 

Is Your Last Day Already Written? Or Not?

Put aside all the religious beliefs. Lets just think like a plain human who is simply wondering. Ada dua golongan manusia:

Type 1: Kamu percaya your last day itu bergantung kepada sejauh mana kamu berhati-hati, jaga kesihatan, rajin berdoa untuk  minta perlindungan, jaga gerak langkah, belajar seni pertahankan diri, jauhi habit yang berisiko tinggi, pasang alat keselamatan di rumah dan tempat kerja dan sebagainya. Means kamu bertungkus lumus buat tu semua sebab kamu percaya kamu boleh memanjangkan umur kamu.

Type 2: Kamu percaya yang apa benda pun kamu buat, hari terakhir kamu sudah tertulis dan tidak boleh diubah lagi. So nda kira la kamu sudah buat everything macam Type 1, kalau sudah tersurat di takdir kamu yang kamu umur panjang, kamu buat la semua benda memudaratkan pun sama juga kamu akan umur panjang, dan sebaliknya.

Sia terfikir ni sebab sia ni ada certain phobia yang sometimes too concerned about safety. Ni la kalau selalu baca berita2 yang berlaku di keliling kita yang sometimes betul2 tidak masuk akal, betul2 mengejutkan, betul2 malang dan betul2 tidak diingini - but still terjadi kepada manusia2 yang tertentu, yang actually life dorang sama ja macam kita yang bangun another day and jalani rutin harian dorang. I'm sure dorang sendiri tidak jangka dan tidak mau benda tu berlaku. Palis2. But then sampai bila mau phobia dan bersyak wasangka? Kalau ikut betul, paling teruk yang berlaku pada manusia adalah when itu adalah penamat kepada kehidupan kita. Sebab itulah noktah kepada hal2 yang berkaitan dunia ni. So apa seja yang kita buat untuk jaga keselamatan kita, adalah supaya kita boleh terus hidup. Itu point dia kan, Agree?

Tapi what if one day kita ubah cara kita. Instead of terlalu berhati-hati, why not kita ambil risiko, pusing 180 degree and langgar semua constraints kita yang kita mau bikin, tapi kita risaukan keselamatan jadi kita lupakan ja hasrat tu. Memandangkan kita masih belum pasti sama ada hari teakhir kita sudah predestined or not, why not kita assume ja yang Ya, dia memang sudah predestined. Tapi kita tidak tau bila. Maksudnya, sama ada kau duduk2, or maybe masa nap or masa tidur pun, sama juga kau akan "pergi" kalau masa kau sudah sampai. Kalau betul begitu, kenapa nda kau redah ja semua benda dalam life ni? Pegi bungee jumping ka, paragliding ka, drag car ka, pegi naik roller coaster yang terseram di dunia ka, pegi daki gunung Everest ka, because it's not like dia akan affect kau punya last day. Kalau dia jadi, dia akan jadi juga. I think ngam juga idea ni untuk orang2 yang semua benda dia nda mau buat gara2 "takut mati". Macam la ada di antara kita yang buli skip benda tu kan?

I think ni la juga dalam kepala perokok2 tegar yang seolah-olah "pasrah", apa jadi, jadi lah. Bila dorang kena bebel, mesti dorang akan mention kes2 terpencil pasal perokok yang lagi panjang umur daripada semua doktor2 yang pernah merawat dia. Hahahaha. Aiks, satu kebanggaan ka pula kalau umur panjang cara gitu? I'm sure you'll be the last man standing in the family sebab yang lain tu tukang tapis asap kamu guna paru2 dorang. Nah keluar topik sudah ni. Sia pandai emo kalau cakap pasal smoking ni. Hehehe. Sepa smokers tu pi duduk jauh2 k...Hahahaha

So about the topic, sia pun baru jelas yang sia ni jenis Type 1 dan sia silik2 tu Type 2 dan terfikir juga sia kalau sia buli try adapt dorang punya style. Sebab agama kita pun sebenarnya percaya sama Type 2 kan? So, does it trigger something in your head? Apa pun, sia harap it's still not too late untuk kita live life yang lagi happening ahead of us. Lets just stay positive, stay enthusiastic and lagi la kita teda excuse sudah, camana pun kita kena live life kita better and better from here. It's satu gift yang sangat sangat berharga. Thank God for this gift of life!! 

Just Quote

Kan Betul Apa Sia Cakap!!

You guys ada baca post a few days ago kan. Pasal I said I was having a bad day. That time remember kan I said it was gonna pass. Only a few days after that, everything was "paid off"! Oh man! Seriously. Nothing from that day is still relevant until today. NOTHING. I repeat, NOTHING. Everything that I lost, I receive even more, just in a different form. Right now, I'm here feeling totally amazed of this whole thing as if it never happened before. Because we humans keep on forgetting. We have the wisdom but we always leave it somewhere. We forgot that we've been here, we've done this crap before. We should be a master by now!

Please don't ever judge your life just from one circumstance. Something greater and bigger is gonna replace that. I GUARANTEE! Believe in a greater power up there. Believe He's there guiding you and putting you in certain emotional rollercoaster for you to explore your humanness and not to punish you. You should never, never lose faith in your Creator. EVER.

What's next? To take on every task like you mean it. Don't waste opportunity to become greater. Don't waste your talent. Don't waste your awesomeness. Don't waste it all on negativity. We don't have forever to live this gift. Come on lets get more intense with living a worthy life. Alleluia!

"EXPECTATION"

Today I did a short counselling thru whatsapp. The same friend from the previous post came to me for comfort again. She sounded so upset with the environment of her job. She said she felt sick of all the insincerity in corporate world. What do I know about corporate world? I don't belong there. She could be talking alien language to a person like me but still I read her every words. I was trying to understand the core of her frustration in my own simple dictionary.

She said she would soon quit that job because she was tired of it. I asked her, Can you afford to lose this job over this frustration? She said she could and she would. But she needed to really prepare what to do after she quits. I remember the line, The view from the top is so so ugly, you know? referring to the corporate ladder. Actually I couldn't totally understand her because I was not in her shoes and I never been that close to her position. We just belong to two different worlds. In fact I wonder if I could really say anything that she could use in her situation. But isn't that what 256 is good at?, according to my friends since schooldays. I have this reputation to keep, okay. Hahahaha Ok kidding.

Then I said this. Actually we are just the same when it comes to making decision daily to deal with our own life dilemma. One thing that you can try, "Lower your expectation." Then BAM! It really hit home when she finally said, YOU ARE SO RIGHT!! It's my expectation that causes me all this frustration. THANK YOU 256!! 

So I got to the core of the issue. It's EXPECTATIONS. 

But it's not always easy to lower your expectations. I have a problem with this too because sometimes I'm a perfectionist but not in the right way and time. Because the result I produce is still below par. It often leaves me frustrated. In other aspects of life, perfectionism gives me unrealistic expectation. That often leads to failures and disappointments too. But you think I don't know that I should lower my expectations? You can't just Give Order. It's not with a push of a button. You have to really believe why you shouldn't expect that much. My guru is - my Happiness. Whatever makes me happy, I will make my way to it. If expectations often lead to sadness, it's time to adjust the sail. By hook or by crook, that happiness must be with us. Lower the expectation, Do That! 

"When I Thought She Had Everything"

You read my previous post you know I had a bad day. "Ordinary people" like me have a bad day triggered by issues that are taken care well by the people who we thought had it all. Job, money, family, materials --  because they are where they are because of how the manage their priorities and small issues don't bother them. At least thats what I thought.

I have a friend that has it all. From marriage, family, work, wealth, fortune - She just has it all. Because she's serious about planning everything, she sets target and she puts all her energy into reaching it. I should envy her but I prefer to take it easy. I don't put too much effort because I always enjoy what I have. I love my small peaceful life. Maybe I have the word "Grateful" a little overdone?

I'm happy for my friend because of her accomplishments. I'm surprised that when she has achieved so much, she has even more targets than I do when I suppose to have more left to achieve. I could just look at her and I would like to count her blessings for her. She almost has a perfect life. Could I be wrong?

Then during lunch today, while waiting for my food, she whatsapped me. She said she was bored. Then I said, YOU actually have the time to feel bored ka? Because she's the kind who is always busy, if it's not work, it's kids and family, and then she also loves outdoor activities. I'm sure she really doesn't have time to feel bored. She said, "Maybe I'm having a midlife crisis". I read about midlife crisis so many years ago but I don't think it's for people like her. Darn, you have everything and yet you say you are having midlife crisis?

Midlife Crisis means a loss of self confidence and feel anxiety or disappointment because they feel they have not achieved as much as they wished when they reach older age. I don't know why my friend is having it. She sounds like she needs some comfort. "Have you ever had depression?" She asked. I said Yeah, during the end of my uni years when I had to repeat a few subjects. I said to her there was a thought of suicidal too, but I never really took it that seriously though cos I knew it was just in my stupid mind. But I cried a lot that time and wanted to run away from home. Still, I did nothing extreme because I still had my conscience clear. I just knew it was going to pass. But it was enough torture to just think about it again. At least, it was understandable because I was in the verge of failures. But her? What kind of anxiety when she has cash, power and materials to just get what she wants. At least I learn something, all that won't spare you from trials and tribulations. If the poor people will complain about money, the rich people will have other things to complain about. But none of us are spared. No amount of money can save you from this, isn't it scary?

So I give it a little thought. Maybe because my life is so ordinary and moderate, that I have more peace in my life. When she has to meet many expectations. She is always a role model for others. She receives compliments daily for being such a good example. While me, I'm just behind my pen name. I don't share all my good times on social media. I don't get compliments or be made a role model. Maybe I left my friends wondering if I actually have a life at all. Then recently, I showed them a few videos of the good times during my recent trips, I guess they were startled that there is actually a life behind social media. That when I don't share, it doesn't mean I have nothing to share. It doesn't mean I don't have a blast or a good time. But not exposing my life to random people actually help me to just maintain my peace. I think popularity and power do bring some kind of excitement at certain height but when you reach the peak, it starts to only deplete. Cos the stress and pressure to please people and be seen as "the winner".  

Maybe my friend used to get everything she wants, she begins to see everything as a competition. She told me once, referring to another friend of hers, "She said she's happy but I don't think she's really happy. I think it's just an imaginary world that she sets up to cover up her gloomy life." Why would anyone think that way, it really made me wonder. Can't she just believe that her friend is happy? Maybe that's what made the issue in her life now. That attitude of Competing. Maybe she silently competes with me too, right? Who knows! So this is what someone could be dealing with, just when we thought they had everything!! Do I need to remind us again, that WE ARE OUR BIGGEST ENEMY?

Yeah, that's the right phrase. As I was still dealing with my disappointment from yesterday, I told myself that. "256, rememberrr...Not that person, not this person, whatever that makes you feel this way is YOURSELF." I have long imagined having a conversation with God, the advice that I had in my head which come from God was, "One day I'm going to give you everything you want and the only thing that stops you is YOURSELF. That time you will know who is your biggest enemy. You need to conquer this enemy." I remember that conversation that I created in my head.

WE ARE OUR BIGGEST ENEMY. Can't we stop ourselves from being our biggest obstacle? We sure can, right? Careful where your mind if leading you. Depression, anxiety, midlife crisis - they are all mind game. Bear in mind. Do not get defeated by your own mind. That mind belongs to you. YOU HAVE POWER over it!!

So for my friend, it's now her battle to win, not against anybody else, but against herself.  I know she can survive it and I can't wait to just meet and talk about that victory of conquering her biggest enemy. You go, girl!

If Handicap Is A Feeling...

I feel handicapped right now. One of those rare days in 2019. The last time I felt this way, it took me one week to discover that it was all Nothing. The thing that saddened me, that made me feel handicapped, was really really just a state of mind. THEY WERE NOT REALITY. So I laughed it off that time calling myself stupid. I told myself, if thats gonna happen again, I shall know how to react. "You are not gonna get me the next time around".

So today something happened (related to work). I know I'm now not easily shaken by anything because of the experience and because "I've been there, done that" for so many times. Logically, your experience makes you dangerously equipped. You are always prepared, you don't easily snap and you always get the bigger picture. Yeah, that's how I should be. But then...remember I'm just a tiny creature. If I'm okay all the time I might get arrogant. I know that's the issue with God and your relationship with Him. I don't think He likes it when you think you can handle it yourself everytime. He wants you to need Him. I KNOW THAT. I just don't know what He gonna put me thru this time. 256, watch out, are you forgetting Me? 

If a month ago, I said something about getting a task that could easily not go to me, but still went to me no matter what excuses this world could find. You really couldn't stop that FORCE when something is meant to be yours. But what if it DOESN'T? Something that is already in our palm, they can grow wings and fly away. I never thought it could happen but it happened. Forcefully I have to enter this somber mode. Oh man, I feel so so handicapped right now. With all the knowledge I have in my head, I'm still not invincible. Oh, sorry, I'm far from 'bullet-proof'. It's happening now as I'm writing this. But wait...

I also know this gonna pass. Of course I'm feeling upset right now but this is how it is. As a normal human being, I will have to go through different emotions and just let it take its course. I'm doing my time now. If you ask me, how does it feel to feel handicapped?  Well, I still have positivity, I still can laugh  and think of funny things to say and write too if I want. But I must not deny that for now, what I lost made me feel like something is missing from myself. But again, I also know this is all just a state of mine. I KNOW... I REALLY KNOW.  

So guys. Just in case something happens to you today that make you feel upset and down, hey, you have a friend. In fact many out there are like us right at this very moment. To me, I imagine God says, So 256, do you remember me now? *giggles. Sometimes I imagine God was giggling while looking at me and I pretending not knowing by looking away when actually, "God, I saw You!". Hahahahahaa. That's why we don't have to worry too much. It's all in His loving hands. When He brings you to it, He will you through it. NO DOUBT!

So Yes, we gonna wake up tomorrow wearing a tougher spirit. Feeling handicapped takes only a day to expire. Tomorrow we gonna be whole again. PROMISE?! Ok, Good! :))

"Dress For Anything You Wish For!"

Kamu tau kan camana pun orang selalu cakap pasal inner beauty, tetap juga tidak boleh elakkan outer beauty sebab itu yg duluan kena nampak di mata. So can anyone deny that the way we dress akan affect orang punya impression sama kita? Ok, then consider this. Nevermind la if you are not perfect yourself, but if you see someone you know, yang dress the way it doesn't suit her, ataupun doesn't help her with the kind of job that she's doing, how to let the person know without hurting her and so she can take it positively?

Ada this customer ada dressing issue. Honestly speaking, sia betul2 salute sama ni kakak sebab usaha dia kasi besar anak2 dia sebagai single mother. Ke hulu ke hilir menjual produk dia.  Dia bertudung dan dia suka pakai gaun labuh and treat it like jubah but not exactly jubah. Just gowns yang boleh dikatakan style dia outdated, not that I say it's wrong to wear it. It's NOT. Tapi for this customer, it doesn't do her justice. Seriously, I mean it!!

I was concerned about the way she dressed sebab itu buat orang prejudis sama dia. Cos sometimes dia bukan senang mau senyum, so bila dia masuk tempat org mau intro barang dia dengan pakaian gitu and muka serious, orang jadi panic! BETUL ni! My other customer said to me, When the kakak masuk her salon, she was a bit scared to see her and she didn't want to buy anything the kakak was selling. So right there I thought, OMG, I should tell her something! But I never got the nerve to tell her cos after some time, I chatted with her, she was much much more than how she dressed. I failed "to judge" her from what she wore.

So the time has finally come. She came to my place just now, finally wearing a blouse and skirt! Wow...whatta sight! I mean she did it voluntarily. Right away I got the chance to finally speak. "Kakak!! Wear like this from now!!" At first dia blank2 juga sebab macam dia heran why sia tiba2 beriya-iya mau bagi opinion. Cos, betul, image dia terus berubah. Then "kebijaksanaan" sia yang nda seberapa tu sia guna di bahagian mau highlight sia punya point. I said, "Kak, bila kakak wear gown macam selalu tu, bukan inda nice tau, TAPI dia bikin kakak nampak macam orang jaaaauhhh yang baru sampai di sini and mau jual barang." So I went on saying yg orang di bandar ni sometimes ragu2 dan prejudis sebab di sini ni banyak pendatang, dan banyak kes2 pukau dan sebagainya. Dorang lebih banyak syak wasangka. Dengan senang ja dorang buli fikir kakak datang dari tempat jauh dan baru mula berjinak2 di sini. Dorang akan ragu2 dan takut2. Then it made my job easier when "She gets it!" In fact dia cakap dia pernah kena viral sebagai tukang pukau, hanya sebab dia punya style macam orang kampung yg baru sampai bandar, sedangkan dia hari2 di bandar cuma dia sibuk cari duit, jalan sana sini. Dia setuju sebab dia relate sama experiences dia sebelum ni bila orang salah faham sama dia. Duii giaa. Sedih sia bila dengar. Kamu tau kah dia ibu tunggal yg berhempas pulas cari duit untuk kirim duit sama 6 org anak dia di kampung? Doiii, kalau lah kita buli tau kisah setiap orang, mungkin ndalah kita fikir yang bukan2.

So sia kasi dia idea sikit. I said, Kak, next time maybe boleh try pakai seluar panjang pula instead of skirt. Sia suruh dia pakai seluar palazo supaya dia selesa, dan sesuai sama imej Muslimah dia. I said, Kak, why not kita try ekperimen style baru tahun ni kan? Macam bersinar2 mata dia tengok sia masa tu. Sia rasa dia baru terfikir yg dia actually lupa untuk fikir penampilan dia sehari-hari. Dia cuma fikir berapa barang laku hari ni dan berapa duit dia ada untuk kirim anak dia. Dia hantam pakai apa seja asal ada. I UNDERSTAND THAT. I said, Cuba kakak try dulu buat perubahan, and see apa impact dia sama business kakak. CONFIRM business makin bagus!! Kakak try dulu, ok??

Of course sepa la sia untuk bagi dia assurance kan? Sia sendiri pun masih bekakai. Hahahahaha. But one thing yang sia learn pasal dunia yang sangat judgmental dan penuh dengan double standard ni, kita manipulate seja sentimen manusia. They want us to look good, lets just look good. Lagipun tiada salahnya untuk dress nicely. Dress baju2 yang nice and bling2 sekali sekala. Bila lagi kita mau pakai baju2 tu semua kan? Asyik2 baju lusuh kita tu juga yg kita pakai. Hahahahaha. That advice untuk sia actually :PP

So, sia actually sangat happy sebab akhirnya sia make it clear tu that customer satu perubahan baik yang dia boleh bikin. Dengan pakai baju yang berbeza, dia betul2 nampak berbeza bah! Jangan main2 sama kuasa dressing ni, guys. Luaran is luaran, you are still beautiful inside, tapi jangan biarkan dressing tu tutup tu beauty. Sama macam make-up. Make-up tu supaya jangan orang tidak nampak inner beauty kita just because kita ada issue with physical beauty. Then use what's there to enhance diri kita yang begitu berharga. Aiseh. Pinjam tagline Loreal pula tu. Hehe.

Kalau kamu dalam situasi ni, I'm sure kamu pun buli cari cara yang betul how to tell your friend that they need to just improve in something, not because kau rasa kau bagus, but kau tau if you don't tell that person, kau macam kasi block dia punya growth. Don't do that. Biar kita sama2 maju, sama2 dress well, sama2 support each other and akhirnya kita semua HAPPY!

Amen! :))

Vol 1: 10 Questions and 256 Answers!

1. What are the silliest thing that you have heard people say about you?

- If you remember the chatroom gossip that I spoke about in a previous Fb post. The gossip that I had something funny going on with someone's boyfriend, and that guy actually went to ask me, Did you tell them about us? (Like there was really something going on before) Darn, it made me so so angry. Because I barely answered even anything from this guy before, he never got my attention in any way, he was really nothing to me and yet he could ask me, Did you tell them about us? HAHAHAAHA. I know I wrote everything about this but yeah that's the silliest thing that I remember.

2. You have any ridiculous goal in life?

- Errr... Like going to each and every countries in this world? Yeah I know it's ridiculous but what if I really could? I bet you want it too! Hehehe

3. What's the most spontaneous thing that you have ever done?

- Suddenly thought of styling my hair and I just took out the scissors and comb and did it right there without much thought of preparation and the next thing my hairs all over the floor. Imagine that!

4. Which skill or craft you'd like to master?

- Cooking!! I wish I could just cook all the delicious foods that I have eaten at the restaurants and do it at home at any time whenever someone craves for it! I'd love to do thatttt...Hehe

5.  What personality trait that you wish you had?

- Brave and bold in EVERYTHING that I'm afraid of now. Cos my paranoia and trauma actually stop me from getting mor from life. Seriously! (But to some people I'm already brave and bold in some way...hehe but no, they don't know the whole story)

6. What is the most hilarious childhood memory you can think of?

- That we went to a birthday party of a neighbour and I asked my kid friends to wait, "After we get a present then only we come home" - I thought the presents on the table were for us bah. Hahahaha

7. What is the meanest that you've ever done at someone to get back at them?

- The only physical and brutal thing that I remember doing was when I pushed my girl cousin off the ladder. Reason is because she almost got me drown at the river a few days before that, cos she took me to the deeper water and she got panic and left me there. I could have died there. Her sister saved me, and when we came back, I told my dad about it and asked him to punish her but my dad thought I was kidding because I was only like 6 or 7 years old that time so I took the punishment in my own hand. Hahahahahaha. Now my cousin is a successful teacher, don't worry about her, she's okay bah. LOLS

8. If you were arrested with no explanation, what would your friends and family assume you had done?

- They should know crime is not my thing though I could break the rules. Maybe they right away assume there's a mistake and that I was framed or something! (Yeah right...LOLS)

9. What fact amazes you everything you think of it?

- Of all the failures I've done in my life, I could have a job that I love (despite no initial approval from anyone in the family) and yet I'm still here doing it, loving every part of it.

10. What event in your life would make a good movie?

- About being "different". That's it's not easy, but it has a beauty of it. And I'd like to discover how many out there who actually appreciate this side of human, how they deal with stuff, how they get their own confidence and how possible it is to be different and loving it. LOLS I don't even know what I'm writing about. So much mystery. But we all can look normal from the outside but our personality makes us different. That's the kind of different that I meant.

10 questions for now. Wait until I think I'm able to take on more brutal questions in the future. Hehe

Is It Fair For You?

Getting a grip at the memories that are half forgotten, it made me wonder. Is it fair for you to be remembered this way? I wonder that actually I missed the chance to find out how awesome you could really be.

Is It Hard To Be A Good Friend?

Actually dalam friendship ni, mau ada strategy betul juga untuk menjamin sebuah persahabatan yg menyumbang sama kesejahteraan hidup kau sehari hari. This is from my point of view. 

Sometimes kau sendiri sebagai seorang kawan, doesn't like a few things for example:

1. Kau nda suka kawan kau berkira. Semua mau berkira. Tapi masalahnya adalah kau sendiri pun berkira sama dia. Contohnya semua benda yang dia bikin untuk kau, dia expect kau pun akan bikin benda tu sama dia sedangkan bukan kau yg minta gitu.

- Sorry to say but to me this is jalan selamat. Always split the bill kalau keluar makan sebab kalau kau ringan hati belanja kawan, kawan kau akan terbiasa dan expect kau bayar untuk dia dan kau akan terbeban dan mula lah mengeluh dan mengungkit. A big No No. So my style is macam ni ja supaya my friend pun senang hati everytime we go out makan, no question sepa akan bayar kali ni. Masing2 bayar bill masing2. Educate your friends this habit, cos eventually they'll thank you sebab memudahkan semua orang. Jangan educate kawan jadi manja and one day kau pula rasa jadi mangsa keadaan.

2. Suka meminta-minta or expect things to be free. This confirm teda sepa yang suka, but masih ramai yg buat. Tapi confirm kamu pun nda suka ada kawan gini. So are you sure kau sendiri nda buat?

- Sia sendiri pun tidak suka meminta2. Kalau dibagi pun, ambil dengan penuh kepayahan, kalau buli nda la mau dibagi free. Sebab kalau kawan2 kita ikhlas bagi, dorang akan bagi tanpa diminta. Jangan pula sebab kawan kita ni pandai melukis, kita expect dia kasi lukis kita percuma sedangkan itulah sumber pendapatan dia. No no, jangan bikin ni perangai. 

3. Suka cakap lepas. Especially when ada benda nda kena, kau selamba ja cakap lepas sedangkan mungkin kawan kau mungkin  tersinggung. Kau suka orang cakap lepas sama kau? Maybe dalam nada bergurau but mana kau tau kalau kawan kau simpan dalam hati.

-  Sometimes terbuat tanpa disengajakan. Biarpun sia talkative, but sia tidak kasi besar2 benda2 kecil, warna baju nda ngam, kenapa muka kau ada jeragat, kenapa ada jerawat...Hahahaha. Oiii, sudah2 lahh highlight benda2 yang nda menyumbang sama productivity bah kan. Enuff! Kau bukan budak2 lagi so stopp being so annoying like you have nothing better in your head. Your friend tu manusia, bukan patung. Jangan nanti kana suruh tinguk ceramin. Hahaha

4. Suka berhutang/meminjam. Perangai yang ringan mulut mau berhutang atau meminjam ni perangai yang membawa kesusahan. Sikit2 teda duit, pinjam kawan. Faham juga la kalau masa2 terdesak, tapi kalau hal kecil pun memang suka pinjam duit kawan. Alasan2 like malas ambil duit di ATM, mau beli tapi over budget etc, alasan2 yang kau boleh tidak menyusahkan kawan but kau still susahkan kawan. Sama juga dengan barang2. Sometimes harga barang tu beribu2, kau ringan mulut mau pinjam. Kalau rosak, kau dapat ganti? Kalau kau berada di tempat kawan yang dikasi susah tu kau mau kah? 

- Ni perangai nda bagus.  When ada kawan2 sia yg macam ni, and then one day orang2 ni juga yang mengeluh sebab kawan2 dorang hutang dengan dorang dan tidak membayar. You'll be in this circle kalau kau sendiri pun bikin sama orang. So stop doing it. Learn how to live dengan kemampuan yang ada. Dan berusaha la selagi mampu. Jangan sikit2 hal mau pinjam, benda sekecil zarah pun mau pinjam sedangkan kedai tu dekat ja. Memang jenis tidak kisah menyusahkan orang. No, don't do this. Cos sia confirm bila orang bikin sama kau, kau pun nda suka.

Hahahaha. Sia letak 4 point crucial seja. Yang lain tu of course kena ada juga tapi we are not perfect kan. Lain2 hal tu maybe kita terbuat tanpa sengaja, but hal2 yang sia sebut ni CONFIRM jadi isu besar kalau kau buat dalam friendship kau. Now you tell me, susah sangat ka jadi kawan yang baik?

Jangan dulu cakap susah, kau try dulu :)