Never Properly Love

Is there actually a right way to love? How should it feel like? Suddenly I realize that I don't think I ever love properly. I don't think I ever feel the kind of affection that reaches the maximum volume that should be felt by someone towards a special person. Or am I just hallucinating that it exists? Cos maybe everyone else is just like me. But no, maybe not. I don't think so. I have seen love so much greater than I could have ever given. Love that is totally unconditional. Totally forgiving and non-judgemental. Love that makes big sacrifices feel like just a small favour. Love that worth-fighting for, worth dying for. Garsh, does a human being capable of giving that kind of love? Seriously I want to know!! 

While talking to a friend just now, I realize that there's something about relationship and companionship that I like, but there's only so much that I can give. And it's not enough. I have a limit when it comes to love. The only way when I think I love too much is actually Not really so. It's just circumstances that put me in that situation where I thought I really give enough love. There's a longing to be loved deeply, to be appreciated, to be serenaded, to be pampered, and I have a way to return the favour but then when I reach my limit, I couldn't go further than that. Anything more than that starts making me feel so unsure, uneasy and unhappy. It's only when it reaches that far I come to realize that I suppose to love more than this, but I just don't. Don't I have the capability to love more than that? Again I ask, how does it feel to love that much? To love properly and completely? 

Once I reach my limit, I start to feel like I just drag my feet where they take me. I'm not totally into it, it's halfhearted, it's unwhole, and it starts to feel insincere. When it's insincere, it's becoming a burden. I'm pretty sure there are a few more levels that others have reached. Because they can reach there, they become a GENUINE LOVER. They just love to the length, width and depth of it. That's why their love is just so big. They'll fight for the one they one. They stick and they stay no matter what. They make it work at all cost. I'm SO SO AMAZED!! Lovers like you guys exist, don't you? 

Where is the justice in me? But look at me, do you know that I have a condition that I just CAN'T love properly? It's not like I don't want it. In fact, I don't even know I have this problem until I do a serious serious post mortem on my relationship behaviours from before. I know how I function but I don't totally understand why I just can't go that far. When you love someone with the same condition as mine, poor this person, right? Can you even spare some consideration towards this person. She wants and she tries. But she keeps coming to that limit. Will you ever accept this person's flaw?

So, if you love someone who is like this, you need to help her. Where she is not sufficient emotionally, you must provide and make her enough. When she falls short of your own expectation, you must lift her up and make do with whatever there is. Don't punish this human, it's not her will that she is just not that capable. Can you not play the ego game and give her space instead? Maybe this is too much of a request right. You must be super rare if you can accommodate this poor being. Who knows she'll learn from you and one day she'd be able to love properly, and completely. Who knows.

"Lonely Moms"

We started in our mother's womb. Dia yang tanggung dan rasa setiap pergerakan kita selama 9 bulan. Dia yang menanggung sakit dan segala implikasi lain, sampailah masa mau melahirkan kita, dia la yang bertarung nyawa supaya kita dapat lihat dunia ni. Gitu la kejadian yang Tuhan cipta untuk kita kan. Sepa la yang buli nafikan pengorbanan seorang ibu. Dan sampailah kita besar, sama ada kita end up jadi manusia macamana, kita semua bermula daripada kesakitan fizikal yang ditanggung oleh our mom, dan yang menjadikan dia kuat adalah sebab kegembiraan yang kita bawa pada dia, dan kasih sayang yang teda bandingannya. Nda kisahlah sepa kita jadi bila kita besar. Hanya our mom ja yang ada that kind of relationship sama kita. Belum masuk lagi camana dorang kasi besar kita sampai jadi urang. Belum masuk lagi part when ada ibu2 yang terpaksa membesarkan anak sorang2. Ndatau buli ka kita timbang tu jasa2 mom kita dan balas with something. Mampu kah kita balas tu or memang Tuhan jadikan jasa ibu tu tidak akan dapat dibalas dengan apa cara sekali pun.

Yang buat sia tulis this post adalah when dua org customers sia bercerita. One is 50+ single mother of 5, one is 60+ a mother of 7 still ada laki. Dorang cakap pasal camana dorang bikin urusan dorang, susah2 payah turun pekan sorang2, rela call Grab, rela call teksi or pirate, untuk pegi ke destinasi. Yang sorang tu pun setuju. Rupanya dia pun buat gitu. Naik bas sampai 3 kali untuk sampai rumah. Ada sekali tu, sampai ja di rumah, tu driver Grab tekejut ada 5 kereta bersusun di kawasan rumah. "Jadi kenapa kau nda minta ambil ja guna salah satu ni kereta?" Then the other one sambung, "Ya la, sanggup sia susah payah panggil orang lain, daripada call anak sendiri, buat sia sakit hati dengar macam2 alasan dorang, nanti sia stress lagi, macam2 penyakit datang. Bagus senyap2 ke sana ke mari selagi mampu berjalan. Tidak lagi payah mau sakit hati." Then the other one pun totally bersetuju. 

Biarpun sia sambil2 bikin kerja, sia dengar semua perbualan dorang. Yang single mom tu kerja kerani di office nearby. Selama sia kenal dia, selagi sia tidak menyibuk tanya dia pasal hal peribadi, sia tidak dapat teka kalau dia sudah ada anak. Sebab she looks like she is free to go everywhere tanpa orang cari2 dia. Bila kenal dia lama sikit, baru sikit2 tercerita macamana anak2 dia semua pun lulusan U. Tekejut juga la sia sebab dia buli "sembunyikan" 5 anak dewasa yang berjaya dia besarkan sampai ke menara gading. Sebab dia totally macam orang single. Teda org pigi ambil dan hantar dia pi kerja. Dan nampak dia join vacation ke sana sini, semua sama kawan2. Kalau ada 5 anak tu considered ramai dan susah kau mau "tapuk". Lepas tu, dia beriya-iya mau join kami jalan2. Yang lebih mengejutkan, baru juga sia tau, one of her sons adalah Grab driver juga. Sedangkan dia ke hulu ke hilir call Grab, termasuk la pigi hospital. Baru2 tu, kami plan mau guna Grab pegi satu tempat, then we asked her, why don't just use her son sebab sama juga Grab. Then dia macam teragak-agak, dia cakap, Nanti la sia tanya dulu. I thought berlainan rumah, rupanya tinggal di rumah yang sama juga. Then no wonder la dia prefer guna app Grab untuk cari random driver, sebab "she only wants to protect her heart from getting hurt." Rupanya setiap favour yang diminta sama anak sendiri tu, susah untuk tu anak tunaikan. Sebab if mama sendiri, dorang tidak perlu minta bayar dan tidak patut minta bayar. At the same time tu anak kan ada kekangan hidup kena bayar itu ini, so macamana mau berkira sama mama sendiri kan? Maybe itu dilema anak dia tu. Jadi akhirnya, si mama akan bawa diri dia sendiri buat urusan sehari-harian tanpa ganggu anak2 dia. I call this as simptom "Lonely Moms".

It made me think. Scary juga la selepas semua kesakitan, kebahagian yang dilalui bila ada anak, selepas semua penat lelah, doa dan harapan yang kita taburkan selama itu, sepa sangka ada di kalangan ibu2 ni akhirnya menjadi "Lonely Moms". Then sia tinguk mama sia sendiri. Adakah mom sia ni one of the "Lonely Moms"? Kebetulan mama sia ni ada blessed with life yang comfortable for her. Dia independent and sentiasa ada ikhtiar utk something yg dia mau. She can decide since she's financially stable on her own. But look at us. Bukan senang mau handle anak2 yg macam2 character ni. Then permintaan mama sia ni tidak banyak juga, sekali sekala ja. Like today, I actually let my mom down cos my mom wanted me to go with her to a seminar yang sia tidak mau pigi sebab sia rasa it gonna waste my time and I was already very tired from work. Cos my mom tidak school tinggi, so benda2 advance ni dia tidak akan faham and she has kids yang sudah kena hantar sekolah tinggi2, jadi sepa lagi dia mau harap kan? Then my mom asks me to come, mesti sia heran kenapa sia yang kena suruh? Cos I have my brother yang totally free and do nothing at home (still waiting his term to finish his master abroad) then buli ja I ask my mom, Kenapa nda suruh yang free dan definitely otak more bergeliga than me who is tired with my own work? You see how anak2 punya fikiran. Macam2 alasan kan? Tidak payah sia tinguk jauh2, dalam family sendiri pun buli nampak. Mesti pun my mom a bit sad but sia sebagai anak, biarpun sia sudah bikin something like that, pandai2 la tebus balik. I swear I will study about the thing yg my mom asks so I could help her and make up for my inability untuk attend tu seminar. In fact, baru2 tu my mom even minta kawan sia pigi melancong lagi sebab I am "the other daughter" yang buli dirunding, cos my sister is totally not interested. Then sia buli ja cakap tidak, but I didn't want to let my mom down. I said dalam hati, "Ok la Ma, sia kasi kawan la kau jalan2 ni kali ah". Ertinya bukan juga semua answer sia adalah default NO. Kalau sia buli bikin, sia bikin lah. Apa lagi selepas sia find the term "Lonely Moms", sia la yang paling patut sedar yang I don't want my mom to become one of them. Kita sebagai anak, kita mau ka mom kita jadi one of the "Lonely Moms"?

So atas kesedaran ini, biarpun kita ada issue2 kehidupan yang perlu disettlekan juga, cuba kita pause kejap dan look at our ibu bapa juga. Dorang masih sihat dan mampu menjalani hidup dengan baik dan bertenaga, Syukur banyak2 sama Tuhan. Tapi just because dorang mampu bikin sendiri, nda semestinya kita suruh dorang "pandai-pandailah" sendiri sampai kita totally lepas tangan. Actually dalam kekurangan hidup kita ni, kita ada kelebihan yang diperlukan oleh parents kita particularly our mom. Why sia emphasize on moms, sebab back to kisah kejadian kita camana dia yang mengandungkan kita, and mom is a woman yang dikurniakan perasaan yang halus dan keperluan untuk dilindungi. They are fragile creatures biarpun dorang memiliki kekuatan dalaman yang tidak dimiliki oleh lelaki. But they are our only mom. Kalau buli, kita sebagai anak2 ni, kasi keluar la mama kita dari golongan "Lonely Moms" ni. Dorang tidak pernah imagine akan jadi macam tu masa dia masih lagi dukung2 kita time kita kecil oh. They don't deserve that.

Sia pecaya kita semua sayang mama kita dan jangan la telampau hold back sangat tu sayang dan lebih risaukan masalah hidup kita yang nda pandai habis2 tu. Ini lah masa mau buat sebaiknya untuk parents kita, especially our mom. Sebab teda buli ganti tempat dia, tidak akan ada mama nombor dua, cuma ada SATU saja yang truly our mom yang Tuhan kasi. Lets do something, okay? Lets be there for our mom and lets do our best for her. Promise that!

To Not Be An Annoying Travel Buddy

Kalau kamurang plan a trip sama kawan2, yang pegi visit2 tempat menarik, pegi enjoy2, pegi happy2, apa lagi zaman social media ni yang Mustahil la kau nda mau ambil gambar. Like me myself, tho I'm not the type who shares my vacay photos on social media, tapi kamurang fikir sia nda suka bergambar? You are so wrong! In fact, sia ni adalah kaki gambar sejak zaman school lagi. I realize the importance of photographs sebab sia mau ada kenangan di setiap event yang sia involved. So sejak sia Form 3, sia lah paling rajin bawa camera dan biasa sudah kalau I was the only one yang ada photos to that certain event. Sia punya niat is Memories. My point is, biarpun kepayahan kamurang mau nampak gambar sia, sia sebenarnya si kaki gambar yang sekaki-kakinya. Hahahaha. Sia kastau ni duluan supaya kamurang faham kenapa sia bikin certain emphasis.

Recently my friends ada atur satu day trip pegi tempat2 nice di sekitar KK, yang viral dan yang jadi bualan. Ini lah si kaki gambar paling suka. So, trip macam ni usually kamirang try untuk divide cost secara rata supaya semua senang hati. Semua pun sudah besar, sudah ada income, masing2 faham. So biarpun on short notice, sia tetap ndakan lupa a few things yang WAJIB:

1. Make sure you charge your phone/camera full! 

2. Bring a powerbank yang sudah caj full! If ada spare battery, lagi bagus.

3. Bring a monopod or tripod, or bluetooth shutter (since drone is just too technical, I wish to use it someday). Whatever yang akan tolong kau take better pictures.

4. Make sure your phone ada banyak memory untuk isi gambar baru. Gambar lama tu kasi transfer awal2 pegi computer. 

5. Make sure you have sufficient money in your wallet. Awal2 lagi pigi ATM bukannya bila kau sudah masuk kawasan hutan baru kau sibuk cari ATM

6. Make sure your phone ada data for internet and ada credit untuk make calls, just in case.

6 benda ni macam remeh kan. Day trip ja pun. But if you skip one and tanggung sendiri, is alright. Means betul2 kau tanggung sendiri. But time trip kami ni, actually kami pegi 2 tempat ja pun but kami spend masa lama di each place. Imagine la, sampai ja that place yang begitu majestic scene dia, then sana la kau start nampak perangai2 kawan2 kau yang baru kau nampak masa tu. Maybe my friends know sia memang kaki gambar, but imagine la, we go there untuk sama2 enjoy, suddenly everyone was calling me to take their pictures, and guna my phone pula sedangkan semua pun guna phone canggih2. Alasan? "Ala, guna phone kau la" "Alaa, sia teda bawa monopod. "Sia tetinggal monopod sia" or memang dorang tidak pernah ada monopod. Ya la, apa la juga monopod tu kan? Bukan makanan ruji pun sampai wajib dibeli. Hahaha. But you see, kalau kau tidak perlu tu monopod, kau tidak perlu ask my help untuk take your pictures. Mesti you can help yourself kan? Kalau sekali sekala, sure no hal bah. Bukan juga sia tidak sudi mau ambil. But remember, sia datang sana untuk have a good time. Sia bukan datang sana kena hire sebagai jurugambar. Jadi imagine, only me saja yang bawa monopod. And they actually want to use that thing also! Imagine la, jarak kami yang berjauhan, one of them sanggup ring my phone balik2 hanya untuk suruh sia jalan pi tempat dorang DEMI UNTUK PINJAM  MONOPOD! Biarpun dorang ada a few juga untuk ganti2 ambil gambar. Maknanya begitulah berharganya monopod pada masa tu. Sia geleng kepala ja sebab sia betul2 nda sangka sampai gitu sekali bah. Hahahaha. I mean, begitu la dorang asyik mention about this place, rupanya sembarangan ja. Main redah ja. Sebab ada attitude yang minta backup kawan or confirm kawan kasi backup. Dan yang paling sandi lagi, baru setengah jam di sana, sudah mengadu cakap Ala, phone sia habis battery sudah. Kenapa tidak charge dari semalam bah kan? Mesti sebab pok backup kawan juga. "Alaa, dorang ada powerbank ba tu". Mau caj di kereta, teda bawa cable pula. Akhirnya teda sepa mau kasi pinjam powerbank sebab semua pun mau guna. Nda rasa wasted ka tu perangai sambil lewa? So akhirnya, terpaksa menempel sama kawan2 minta masuk di gambar dorang. Boleh bahh, nda jadi hal pun. Tapi imagine la, pantang nampak org mau adjust angle, kau cakap Buli masuk? Sedangkan belum tau lagi dorang mau kau masuk tu gambar. Lain lagi perangai yang tidak mau pakai phone sendiri. Mau orang guna phone dorang untuk ambil gambar2 dia. Nda kisah juga kalau sekali sekala, but kalau kau sentiasa jadi orang yang sedang diambil gambar, seolah-olah your friends adalah kau punya entourage yang menjaga keperluan kau dan keberadaan kamirang di sana adalah sebagai ulun kepada tuan puteri. Hahahaha. Padahal sama2 membayar bah kan? But tu lah, if kau ada kawan gini yang WHO CARES! pasal hal2 begitu, definitely ada your trip buddies yg nampak kau macam a pain in the arse. Betul, seriously! Maybe tu la orang cakap, To truly know someone, travel with them! Cos benda2 gini you can see macam2 perangai keluar. 

Lain lagi pasal bayar membayar. Ada yang tidak pandai or refuse to do simple maths. Bila ada kawan yang bayarkan dulu entrance fee untuk memudahkan semua orang, dan kau dapat masuk tanpa sentuh wallet kau, terus kunun kau fikir free,  gara2 tidak diminta duit masa tu juga. Adoii. Bila ditagih, bising2 lagi cakap dari mana datang tu kos semua. Hahahaha. Kamurang akan definitely kasi jara kawan kamu yang mau memudahkan kamu. Sebab mau ditagih2 lagi, lepas tu mau disoal dan dipertikaikan lagi kenapa bayaran begitu begini. Hahahaha. Lepas tu bila cadang mau tambah destinasi baru, ada pula alasan, Tidak sempat ambil duit di ATM, bawa duit cukup2 ja. Sia faham juga ba pasal duit2 ni apa lagi time bulan tua, but the decision untuk join itu trip adalah bukan paksaan bah. Sepatutnya benda2 basic macam tu kamurang sudah bersedia. Lain lagi bila mau make call, cakap teda kredit. Teda data, nda dapat buka Whatsapp. Manalah tau ada hal2 berbangkit yg memerlukan kau contact family kau, mau tanya apa2 kah, belum lagi kira yang emergency kes yang kita tidak tau. Kau sesat ka, apa ka, di sana juga kau mau guna alasan Teda Kredit? Adoiiii. Lame oh guys! Tulung lahh!

Back to pasal ambil gambar. Ramai ba yang suka ambil gambar kan. Kalau sudah tau suka ambil gambar, learn la to improve skill ambil gambar. Jangan hanya berserah dengan ke-lousy-an 10 tahun lalu yang kau memang dikenali sebagai orang yang tidak pandai ambil gambar dengan baik. Hari2 spend masa di internet bikin apa? Mustahil kau teda idea baru untuk improve citarasa kau. Mesti kau cukup eksperimen sudah dengan gadget kau. Masalahnya bila kau sudah improve skill kau dan tolong kawan2 kau ambil gambar yg cantik2 angle dia; but bila kau suruh dorang ambil gambar kau, semua sandi. Hahahaha. Sia sendiri lalui benda ni. Sebab sia ambil gambar orang bagus2, tapi orang ambil gambar sia sembarangan ja. Dan it's not okay with me cos sia cerewet pasal gambar ni. Kalau time skul, sia akan warning orang2 yang ambil gambar sia, supaya at least mesti centre! That's why my friends masa tu mesti nervous kalau ambil gambar sia sebab sia cerewet. So bila pegi trip sama kawan2, sia memang nda harap orang ambil gambar sia. Sia rather pakai monopod or timer and now ada bluetooth shutter sudah kan so lagi senang. So, untuk kebaikan diri kau juga, pelan2 upgrade sikit tu skill ambil gambar supaya bukan kau seja yg ada gambar yg cantik, supaya kau buli return tu favour. Mesti orang akan puji gambar2 yang kau ambil. Pun satu pencapaian dalam hidup, agree? Hahahaha

So, biasanya lepas balik trip, akan keluar la semua sok-sek belakang. Yang paling jadi isu adalah bila kau jadi trip buddy yang annoying, yang tidak boleh jaga keperluan sendiri dan expect orang backup sentiasa sedangkan dorang sudah make extra effort untuk prepare baik2 untuk keperluan dorang sendiri. Sia ni jenis yang fair and square. Sia nda suka orang sponsor2 dan membebankan diri dorang dan ndamau ada pertikaian yang buli diungkit di belakang hari. Susah ka mau jadi trip buddy yang tidak susahkan kawan2? Masa2 terdesak atau kecemasan tu lain cerita. Kalau setakat basic2 tu kalau buli janganlah susahkan kawan. Kan kita semua pok mau enjoy2, happy2, bukannya untuk solve permasalahan kau akibat kau nda prepare mau pegi tu trip. So macam ni lah. If kau sudah terlanjur jadi trip buddy yang annoying, kau improve la next time when ada trip baru. Sebab kalau tidak, maybe they will stop asking you to join them, kau akan rugi. Sebab ada orang2 rather pegi on a trip dalam kuantiti kecil, bayar mahal, asalkan dorang hanya bawa orang2 yang faham rules2 yang tidak tertulis on how to be a good trip buddy. Your challenge for this year is, if you aren't already one, lets all try to be a good trip buddy. Means orang akan mau bawa kau lagi dan lagi dan lagi sampai kau sendiri surrender. Silap2 orang sanggup mau sponsor trip kau lagi asalkan ada kelibat kau. Yang penting, kau tau kau adalah trip buddy yang menjadi rebutan. Hahaha. Bahh cabar la diri kamu, bila lagi kan? Hehe

Jiwa Kacau

We have our moments. Moments you don't like, you don't enjoy, but you have to go through them. Usually benda ni jadi in your head Only. Everything else around you is perfectly fine and normal. Just the rage inside your head is having its way. Actually I experienced it just now. It was happening. Based on my little study case just now, things we thought have no longer affect us, surprisingly they still linger in our heads. They are still clinging to our brain cells in the isolated corners we thought they have disappeared because some memories left for so long, 10 years or more, but they could reappear anytime and you gotta find the way to deal with it. 

Suddenly I feel frustrated about something that happened almost 10 years ago. 10 good years, imagine that. I mean, in between that, those things never mattered anymore. I totally ditched them from my memory system, I thought I was free from them. Then when I found something that reconnected me with some memory points, Ah, suddenly it hurts like it is still happening right now. I even cried tears that I didn't cry even on the real time it was happening. Like a delayed reaction. Back then I was putting a tough front. I doubt I even cried. Then actually in socmed era, you could sense those with this Jiwa Kacau. When they start to post things to express or to cover it. They just act out of their normal way. Then you know there's a rage inside that person's head they are trying to deal. Let them do it. 

At that spontaneous seconds, I felt like my world was totally "stuck" and I could not see the shine. No colours. Can you believe that? Jiwa Kacau ni moment yg boleh tahan challenging. Like I could simply cancel a big plan just trying to deal with this explainable frustration. Frustration of something that could have been better. When you think about the Alternate reality, What IF things turn out That way instead of This way. I was just so frustrated. 

Then what saved me? Stop feeding it! I force myself to do some works that I brought home (which I have to do out of my work responsibility) Thank GOD! Halleluyah! I could feel "The Shift". Just layan habis-habisan your Jiwa Kacau, kasi habis apa yang patut. IT WILL RUN OUT!! Yang penting jangan kamurang Overacting. Jangan get involved in anything extreme. Just layan your sleep, kalau mau nangis, nangis la kasi abis. Eat happy foods. Mau nda mau mesti dia macam tu awan mendung yg akan berlalu selepas hujan. Cos benda tu cuma sipi2 ja dalam kepala kita. Buli ja dia balik ke tempat asal dia sana pisuk2 memory. Sometimes memory kita ni bukan buli pakai sangat bah. Hahahaha. True! Sebab benda yang kita ingat ni cuma Satu Impression! Benda tu teruk camana pun, impression kita tu yang akan mempermainkan emosi kita. So camana pun, akhirnya our bigger purpose akan take control. Life kita yang awesomely blessed sekarang ni akhirnya akan ketuk balik our reality. How awesome when sia masih duduk di kerusi yang sama, suddenly benda tu limpas. WOW, feeling dia sangat2 sia savour. Memang tiada lain but God juga la yang sia thank duluan. 

So kepada geng2 Jiwa Kacau sekalian. Dalam tempoh tu, don't leave space for regret dan bikin jalan cerita baru untuk point jiwa kacau kamu untuk masa akan datang lagi pula. Jangan bikin something embarrassing. Watch what you write, what you talk and Keep it Classy!! Kau sedia ja mau celebrate when tu Jiwa Kacau slow2 meninggalkan kau. Mainan mental seja semua tu. Confirm!! Good luck all! Hehe 

Si Duit Yang Egoistic

You guys sedarkan, DUIT tu sentiasa jadi subject utama. Imagine berapa banyak benda dalam life ni yang kita mau buat tapi tidak dapat atau belum dapat buat gara-gara DUIT. Sebenarnya, kita nda sedar kita sudah angkat darjat duit tu sampai lah dia duduk di takhtah dia sekarang ni. That's why la kita mendongak kalau tengok dia, dan dia tinguk kita macam habuk2 di kaki dia ja. Hahahahaha. Cos that kind of slavery bah mind kita dengan duit. Yang duit tu sangattt la berharga. Sanggup kita terlepas satu pengalaman indah, hanya sebab takut hilang tu duit. Sanggup tidak pergi jalan2, tidak pegi melancong, biarpun kita mampu dan boleh menjadikan diri kita mampu. Dengan alasan, alaaa, nanti habis la tu duit yg sia save selama ni. Ok, bukan pun silap tu semua. Betul belaka. Memang sayang la ba duit tu kan?

Tapi you guys namau try la let loose sikit pasal duit ni. Cuba dulu jan kasi muka sama dia sangat. Apa juga dia tu? Kepingan kertas2 ja bah. Tiba hari, tiap bulan pun kita pegang juga. Hari ni hilang RM100, esok lusa kita buli dapat lebih dari tu. Which part of the money yang KEBAL sangat tu as if dia lah pemegang superpower seantero dunia? Hahahaha. I come to this point of my argument, pasal plan2 mau jalan2 with my friends. Banyaknya lahh alasan. Mahal lah. Tidak berbaloi lah. Sayang duit lah. No, bukan juga sia cakap it's not right to think that way. Bukan juga kita tekan button ja ba buli dapat duit berkepuk-kepuk. But DON'T la OVER sangat. DUIT BULI DICARI bahhh. Betul ka tidak? Kau kerja, kau dapat la duit. Cari alternatif yang menambah pendapatan. Apa ja la yg kau buat dengan otak kau yg bergeliga dan anggota badan yg lengkap dan sihat. Dari kau seja tu. DUIT tu bukannya payah untuk kau miliki pun. Just that, mentaliti kita ni seolah-olah duit tu hanya tercapai oleh mereka2 yang sudah ditakdirkan lebih bernasib baik dari kau. NO. Stop that nonsense. But I don't want to elaborate on that. Kamurang pun tau sudah ni. So Cliche.

Point sia adalah sometimes kita kena COOL ja dengan duit ni. Duit yg kita spend untuk melengkapkan hari kita, untuk buat kita happier, untuk mendapatkan benda2 yang kita perlu, No Need la terlampau sangat berlebih-lebih mendewakan duit sampaikan kau rasa berdosa untuk buat something untuk diri kau. Guess what, kalau kau skip that pun, tu duit akan hilang juga!! Kau still akan belanjakan duit tu untuk benda lain sebab gitu la aturan dia! Duit tu BERKITAR. One day dia di tangan kau, next day dia di tangan orang lain, dan orang lain yg kedua, dan seterusnya. Tu duit berpindah tangan dengan satu pertukaran. Sama ada kita dapat rambut baru ka, baju baru ka, beg baru ka, cos duit tu adalah untuk help us get benda2 materialistic dalam dunia ni, tu ja kerja dia pun. Dia bukannya Raja ka, Dewa ka. Jadi nda payah kau beriya-iya sangat tidak mau tu duit lari dari tangan kau sampaikan kau jadi manusia yang banyak beralasan, tidak mau menikmati hidup sebab "TAKUT HABIS DUIT". Duit tu tidak akan serve purpose dia dlm life ni kalau dia kekal di tangan kita. Ertinya there's something handicap dalam life kita when kita terlampau obsess dengan duit yg ada di tangan macam sayang betulll mau kasi lepas.

Jadi as we are getting older year by year, sepatutnya kita bukan mau slow down lagi setakat dikekang oleh duit ni. Jan kau takut mau belanja duit untuk dapat memori indah yang baru. Untuk spend more laughter dengan kawan2 dan orang2 yang kita sayang. Untuk show our loved ones our appreciation dengan celebrate special day dorang. Ini tidak. Mau beli kek harga RM30 pun kepayahan betul. Tu satu keping RM10 duit merah tu macam lah ada pangkat diraja sampai sakit tul hati kita mau spend, inikan lagi 3 keping kan? Sia cakap gini sebab sia pun pernah gitu. Macam sarcasm kepada diri sendiri. Start dari last year, sia tidak sudah takut sama duit. Sia akan spend dengan hati yg ringan dan gembira sebab sia sudah fulfil tu kitaran duit. Tu duit akan balik pi tangan sia balik untuk next mission to help me get my needs. Bukan untuk dia tinggal di wallet kau gitu lama sedangkan life kau penuh dengan keboringan, semua benda kau mau jimat dan berkira. You are NO FUN at all my friends. Teda faedah kau kasi naik EGO tu duit yang teda nyawa. Makin kau bikin gitu makin kau di bawah kawalan dia. Kau tidak akan pernah rasa cukup sebab kau don't get a grip of the real concept. 

So, jangan takut untuk menikmati keindahan hidup yang ada di depan. Kau dibagi kemampuan fizikal macam tu, doiii, apa la juga duit tu kan. Time kerja, kita kerja. Time berhibur, kita berhibur. Diri kau tu, dan life kau tu, sangattt la berharga bah. Setakat tu duit berapa banyak pun bukan tandingan kau. Kau treat duit seadanya ja bah. Kau kasi jadi dia egoistic, maka egoistic la dia. Teda guna tu semua. Moments dalam kehidupan ni mesti kita mau savour sebaik-baiknya dan kita akan spend duit yg kita earn untuk terus menikmati kehidupan sebaik-baiknya. Stop beralasan pasal duit. Bukan satu bargain yg layak untuk diri kau yg begitu berharga. Hehe.

One-Fine-Day

Actually mau mencari inspirasi ni, tidak semestinya kita tengok ke arah orang2 yang sudah terkenal dan berjaya atau yang sudah billionaires. Inspirasi tu ada di mana2. For me sendiri, sometimes my own customers sendiri pun adalah satu inspirasi.

This one customer of mine, I know her for a long time. Daripada dia kerja accountant di satu company yg ended up tidak bayar her gaji, sampai dia keluar dan kerja di company jual makanan import. And selepas beberapa tahun, dia quit tu company sebab tidak puas hati dengan kegiatan perniagaan yg dibuat oleh bos2 dia.  Dia quit dan mula berjual nasi lemak di Gaya Street time hari minggu, and then buat cod makanan tapau, which masa tu pendapatan tidak menentu, mau ikut sambutan dan kerajinan. Masa tu sia nampak dia a bit hilang arah, sebab marketing FB dia pun dia tidak begitu push, cuma harap pakai wasap ja dengan orang2 yang dia kenal. Market dia limited. Masa tu sia nampak dia sangat memerlukan satu "anjakan paradigma" kalau dia mau pegi jauh. Not long after that, akhirnya dia cari kerja juga. Dia kerja sama this legal office yang ada boss pangkat Datuk yang kuat memaki. Sampai makian tu jadi rutin dorang sehari-hari. Tapi dia tahan juga beberapa bulan. So setiap perkembangan life dia dari masa ke semasa, sia tau sebab selama tempoh tu juga dia tetap jadi my loyal customer. So I can't help but nampak struggle dia dlm life. 

Dan akhirnya dia quit tu legal office, dia bikin satu biz baru bikin kuih lapis. Time tu sia skeptical about the new venture sebab sia sendiri pun bukan penggemar kuih kukus ni semua, so sia wish dia good luck ja la. Sebab sepa tau kan? I still remember dia bikin FB dia, sia lah liker pertama dia. And then dia dapat nda sampai 10 likes di Fb page dia tu. Cos banyak strategi dia belum tau and dia start sangat humble and tidak begitu menonjolkan diri. Bukan jenis suka ambil gambar produk dan lain2. Sia pun fikir percubaan dia kali ni mungkin bukan yg terbaik, sebab nampak betapa slownya dia dalam marketing kuih dia tu. But this was 2 years ago. Sekarang ni, WOW, friendlist dia sudah 5K, sampai dia terpaksa mau delete supaya yang baru boleh masuk. Satu kali dia upload pic, dia akan dapat berpuluh2 likes dari customers yang berpuas hati sama kuih dia. Actually dia teda strategi yg luar biasa. In fact dia teda strategi langsung! Still dengan passive marketing yg kalau sempat upload, sempat lah. Dan if you ask me, apa kelebihan kuih dia, I can't really say it. For me kuih lapis ni kan biasanya terlalu manis dan bukan selalu kita mau makan. Kalau terasa mau makan, ada juga dijual di tamu. Ada yang jual RM2 - 5 biji, ada yang RM1 - 3 biji. But this customer jual kuih dia price yang sangat jauh lagi mahal. Satu biji RM1. Ada sekali tu sia beli satu jenis kuih dia dengan price RM10, masa tu tekejut juga sebab slice dia tu macam yang harga RM2.50, but dia memang letak harga RM10 utk satu bekas. If we buy swiss roll gebu tu pun baru RM7-RM8.50, rasa a bit nda berbaloi juga la masa tu. Masa sia beli tu, sia terfikir apa yang customer dia lain akan rasa dengan harga dia yg sangat mahal. But still, surprisingly, customer kuih dia, adalah mereka2 yang penggemar tegar kuih lapis. Yang tau menilai kualiti dan kesedapan, dan terbukti kualiti kuih customer sia tu adalah menepati citarasa dorang. So biasanya dia dapat tempahan daripada organisasi korporat yang mementingkan kualiti berbanding harga. Hari tu, dia ada join satu jualan di shopping mall, masa tu sia risau juga sebab my other customers ada cakap yang jualan dorang bukannya bagus pun kalau join pesta2 macam tu, sebab terlampau banyak pilihan dan apa lagi kalau ngam2 bulan tua. Sia risau dengan price kuih2 dia tu, dia akan tenggelam dan kuih2 dia tu bukan tahan lama sangat sebab kukus dan ada yg guna santan. But again to my surprise, kuih dia nda sempat sampai di tapak jualan sebab sudah kena pajak time di bonet kereta lagi. Whoa!

So sepa la kita yang mau menilai dan merendahkan usaha orang lain kan? Even sia sendiri pun tidak terkecuali dengan rasa ragu-ragu dengan percubaan baru dia tu. Sia tidak risau juga sebab sia tau dia tidak akan berhenti kalau dia gagal, tapi sepa sangka, dia akhirnya jumpa juga yang betul2 MENGENA sama lubuk rezeki dia. Di sebalik kuih lapis idaman ramai tu, dia sebenarnya invest juga untuk masuk kelas. Dia bayar beratus2 untuk ikut berapa level kemahiran kuih lapis, so dia sedar yang setakat mau harap apa skill yang dia sedia ada, memang susah mau maju. Cuma sebagai someone yg nampak progress kehidupan dia, sia salute betul sama dia ni. Dia berjaya mematahkan keraguan orang sama kemampuan dia. Dan guess what, satu inspirasi yang sia dapat daripada dia ni. Kau buli try berapa banyak bidang pun, tapi mesti ada satu yg betul2 adalah tepat pada sasaran, iaitu suddenly semua akan berjalan lancar selagi kau konsisten dan determined untuk bikin. So pokoknya, kau kena teruskan percubaan demi percubaan. Orang yg give up and suam-suam kuku ni besanya tidak akan sampai tahap ni. Silap2 they won't jumpa tu lubuk rezeki yang mengena sama dorang. I tell you, dalam 10 tahun pun kita cuba, belum tau jumpa, tapi if you stop looking for it, confirm tidak akan jumpa, confirmmm tidak akan jumpa! 

Sia sendiri percaya sama One-fine-day. Benda ni sia pecaya dari mula sia start kerja. Konsep One-fine-day is when kau mau capai something tu, berapa banyak attempt kau bikin pun mungkin kau masih belum capai. Tapi sia anggap ini campurtangan dari Tuhan sebab journey tu sangat berharga. Kalau kau terus capai dengan senang, sesuatu yg kau betul2 mau, mesti impact dia tidak seberapa. Sia percaya, boleh berlakunya pertembungan Keinginan + Peluang + Luck yang akan berlaku secara SERENTAK dan masa tu, benda yang kau hanya akan capai dalam masa 20 tahun dengan usaha yang sedia ada, kau akan dapat dengan TING! Sekelip mata. Maybe you meet the right person or the right opportunity dan yang menjadikan kau layak untuk terima that One-Fine-Day adalah kerana YOU ARE PREPARED for it. Maksudnya, sekarang ni adalah tempoh persediaan. Sebab One-Fine-Day tu akan muncul bila2. Dia akan teased you a bit, sebab sometimes kau rasa dia mau sampai sudah, but sebenarnya tidak. So when it happens, Pastikan Kau ADA DI SANA untuk terima. I tell you, anggaplah semua yg stubborn, tubal, tahan tukul, jiwa kental dalam usaha dorang tu adalah sebab they are simply preparing themselves for that One-Fine-Day. Silap2, mungkin ini yg berlaku sama jutawan2 macam dorang Mark Z, Bill G and Jack M. They bumped into their One-Fine-Day and they just exploded with fortunes. Nda kisah la what you call it, but you gotta believe in that day. A Day When All Things Will Make Sense. Believe in your own One-Fine-Day. One day I'm sure you will have a story like that to inspire the young souls. So guys, this year might just be it. Keep going!

The Storm is in His Hands

I always remember this little story.

 A man just got married and was returning home with his wife. They were crossing a lake in a boat, when suddenly a great storm arose.

The man was a warrior, but the woman became very much afraid because it seemed almost hopeless. The boat was small and the storm was really huge, and any moment they were going to be drowned. But the man sat silently, calm and quiet, as if nothing was happening.

The woman was trembling and she said, “Are you not afraid ? This may be our last moment of life! It doesn’t seem that we will be able to reach the other shore. Only some miracle can save us; otherwise death is certain. Are you not afraid? Are you mad or something? Are you a stone or something?”The woman was trembling and she said, “Are you not afraid ? This may be our last moment of life! It doesn’t seem that we will be able to reach the other shore. Only some miracle can save us; otherwise death is certain. Are you not afraid? Are you mad or something? Are you a stone or something?”

The man laughed and took his sword out of its sheath. The woman was even more puzzled. What he was doing?

Then he brought the naked sword close to the woman’s neck, so close that just a small gap was there and it was almost touching her neck. He said, “Are you afraid?”

She started to laugh and said, “Why should I be afraid? If the sword is in your hands, why I should be afraid? I know you love me.”

He put the sword back and said, "This is my answer: I know God Loves me, and the storm is in His hands. So whatever is going to happen is going to be good.

"If we survive, good; if we don't survive, good. Because everything is in His hands and He cannot do anything wrong.

Credit to: https://www.littlethings.com/husband-wife-drowning-story/1

To Have or Not To Have Kids

Years ago, I first read that Sammi Cheng, the Hong Kong famous actress, decided not to have kids.  Does anyone react to this with "Really?? That's just stupid!" I wonder what's your take on this.

Quoting the news on her decision:

The actress said that she knows what suits her personality and being pregnant is not it, adding, "Taking care of a child requires heart and determination. The world now is not as simple as before. We are lacking in resources and the food and air quality is already poor.

And this is not the first time that I read or heard someone said it. I remember this guyfriend of mine. He said he didn't want to procreate because he doesn't want to pass his traits to his kids and make their lives difficult. Of course I thought he was kidding. But because I know his issues, I think he has a point.

But then try and look around us. Not all kids are given the chance to be raised well by the people who brought them into this world. The adults are getting distracted by issues revolving cost of living, problems dealing with debts and money management, not to mention marital problems that are getting worse in the new era where people have more options to cheat through the technology of social medias. Then look at the crimes today. It's worsening with kids as the easy target. Abuse by the people you trust to take care of them. Then we have Pedophilia, kids of both genders are not spared. The rising of LGBT - they are slowly becoming a new normal. Not to mention, Incest. Horrifying if you ask me! Not to mention the pollution  everywhere! In the air that we breath, the water that we drink, the food that we eat -- toxins everywhere. Oh, even before you go that far, look at the both parents themselves. Sometimes you see the families that are really struggling to even provide food on the table. See how many wives are suffering to be the bread winner of the family, ignorant husbands who are jobless and lazy. Even during pregnancy, wives are going through it alone. But some parents just continue to have another and another kid without family planning. It's our purpose to procreate, Yes, but please also be rational - those little humans ARE HUMAN BEINGS. They are not dolls or toys, a present you give or get to make you happy for a while. NO, THEY ARE NOT. Once you give birth to them that's another soul right inside that tiny body.

I really salute parents who made it. I REALLY DO. That's including our own parents. You guys have successfully carried out a mission given by God. You raised your kids well, you sent them to school, you guided them through their teenage years and saw them grow as sensible adults who can carry out the same mission for their next generations. You defy all the worldly challenges and prove that no one should make Excuses when it comes to giving the best for your children. For the love of God, I really salute you guys. It's not fair to say that You're just lucky. I know you did everything you can to make this world bearable for them. Thank God that you defy your physical, mental and emotional issues from stopping you from your responsibilities towards these little humans that you bring to this world. Thank you for raising us well, our parents.

But not all are fit and capable to do it. As we are now adults, the world is getting older. It's getting too polluted and tainted. The uncertainties that we gonna fail them, even the just thoughts are too much to accept. These little humans are too precious. Sometimes I wonder, if I have my own kids, I'd be constantly worrying about them. If you are a perfectionist like me, it's even more difficult to deal with your expectations. When I say, I only want the best for my kids, I mean it and I must do it. But the reality is I'm not even that secured with this world myself. I always have to be extra careful with all my steps to just secure my own safety. I mean, the possibility of failing the little angels, I just can't brain even just a little thought of it. You can't take chances with this. You can't say, it's either I can raise them well or not. If I can, okay la, if not, what to do lah? And then, look at the way I think, imagine if I pass this kind of difficult personality to my kids, I don't know how they gonna survive this rough world. Oh garsh the thoughts almost choke me. LOLS

Ah, so I decided to make it a laughing matter in the end. But at least did I raise some arguments why some people decide not to have kids? Lets not judge them on their decision. It doesn't sound good, it's not that normal, but it's very rational. This kind of decision is made with proper planning. These people are still thousand times better than those who go ahead with their way and then only think that they don't want the kid when it's too late and then resort to abortion or baby dumping. Stop that stupidity. You don't own that life to end them that way, you understand??

Kids deserve the best. Invite them to this world only when you are fully determined and don't ever back out from that mission cos I repeat, KIDS ARE NOT DOLLS OR TOYS; a present that you give and get to make you happy for a while. Please take the decision seriously cos they are a mission from above. To all parents, please continue to do your best. May God bless all of you!

That Faceless 3-Digit Number

Since I first come up with this pen name, I'm like a Number without a face. People don't know how I look like. From chatrooms, to blog and then FB, there's only a lot to read but nothing much to see. Maybe this is just a lil exaggerated cos I didn't actually plot all this carefully like some of you think. "Sis, you have a well-planned internet personality". Heck, I did not plan it. At least you know my gender. Or could some of you think there's a plot twist in my gender too? Hahahahaa

I did upload a few photos before, incomplete photos but still  real photos. Actually, you guys come to the point that you thought there's nothing you can get from me, so some of you would thought it was some random pics that I put there. Actually those are all the pieces of my real pictures. Hahahaha. What do you think of me? That I'm playing a game? Who am I to even cause that much hype. With and without face, who am I to actually be questioned, Hey 256, damn you, why do you do that? I mean, now it reminds me of K-o-k-o-l  E-l-f. They are being slammed for posing high entrance fee but why do people get mad over that? It's their place, they build it, they fund it and we are not even involved in any of the procedure and guess what, we can go all over the world and just go ahead and skip that place. No one's getting harmed right? It's the same with me here. Lets not be bothered about this 3 little digits over here. If you like what I write, hooray! Thank you! and lets just come and read but please don't let my internet identity steal your sleep. I fricking don't deserve that! Please don't be bothered that much bah! LOLS

Let me tell you more. This is me going with the flow. Nothing about this is planned and plotted nicely. Even in real life, I'm actually a low key kind of person. Because I love my peaceful life, away from unnecessary attention. Let me just remind you, I pick this nick twofivesix[256] in MIRC back in 2008 was because I thought it wouldn't get easy attention. Even the people in my surroundings where I work now, do you believe when I say that they maybe familiar with my face, maybe we have exchanged smile and even short chats, but there's really nothing much that they know about me. To best describe this, the cashier in this stationery shop that I often go, she saw me coming to the shop buying all kinds of stuff, the boss recognized my long hair, we even wave to each other when we pass by, but guess what, they are still guessing, Where do you work? Some of them thought I was a clerk at an office somewhere in the building, judging from what I bought. Then one day, when I asked the cashier a question, she actually referred to a certain place she knows. "You go there la, I think you can find it there". You know what? She was actually referring to my workplace!!Technically she's introducing me and promoting to me my own place bah! My point is, I'm still using the same privacy concept in the real world. I'm still mysterious, unknown and they still need to solve some puzzles, if they care. But good, they just accept that much and not become too curious. Hehe

This is just the way my life is and I enjoy the peaceful nature of it. I have no pressure to let people know who I am to do my work well. Because my customers know me. My closefriends and families, and the relatives, they know me. Most importantly they know what I do, what I can do, and they will go to me when they need me. Even on the other side of the world where I am not 256, I still keep that mysterious side because I don't roll the drum or hit the gong everywhere I go. My U-mates don't know what I'm doing with my life after graduation. They saw me on Fb, they add me, but they are still doubtful if that's really me. Heck, they even saw my phone number there but they still don't go and find out. Maybe they just respect the privacy. I still remember last year, when the 4 of my closest buddies met up at a mall, and took pictures and one of us actually posted them to FB, we got many reactions to the pics. Like WHOAA, is that 256? Omigawd where is she now? Send my regards to her. I saw a few comments particularly mentioning me. All from the friends I know back in school. I'm touched when I read the comments because it was like they cared to know about me and have good memories of me, but I did not speak up and say  hi to them back when I could just do that. They asked my friend, Tell me her fb! Tell me her phone number! All that happened on the comment box where I could read them myself but I really didn't respond anything. LOLS. And my friend actually link to my Fb so the rest can click, but they were doubtful cos I was not using my name in that Fb so only a few clicked and sent a friend request. I accepted them all. It's enuff that I see their updates but I don't necessarily want to talk. Trying to be friendly to everyone is just taking too much energy for me. They will ask me questions, and I will have to write and talk. Same thing over and over again. These few friends of mine that I feel free to meet, are the people who don't have questions. They are there every step of the way. They know how things progress. They know where I live, where I work, and they fricking don't need any long explanation from me except for a few situations when they were curious about some guys I was dating and stuff. Hahahahaa.

This life is just awesome. I love this kind of life. Like I rather have people underestimate me hundreds of times if they want, cos I  will still be doing my thing. I don't want to care what kind of conclusion they have in their mind, as long as they keep it in their heart, and they still smile when we meet; so who cares what they are thinking. Cos I don't have the power to control all that and I don't want to do that job. One day when they have the chance to really get to know just a bit more, maybe they'll change their mind. That I'm actually not that terrible. My unpopular life is actually awesome because I deal with much much less unnecessary stress coming from people that don't matter. That's why, the people who meet me everyday, they know I live my life everyday with a purpose and responsibility, they know I want to achieve excellence in my daily tasks.  When I heard my friend said, "Bestnya jadi kau kan?" Ah, at least one person thinks so and she is the one who talks to me everyday, that's enough for me.

So with this understanding, please just let me be this way. Trust me I still deal with wrong people despite all these privacy thing. I still loved the wrong guy, I still got cheated, I still made mistakes, I still hurt and break hearts, so trust me I have enough sugar and spice just by staying this way. But the rest, lets just leave it to chance. Who knows right? 

Thank you guys. Luv ya all.

Clarity

I first heard this song Clarity (originally by Zedd) from Angelica Hale, 9 years old that time in America's Got Talent 2017. I thought the song was so awesome and then when I listened to the original song, I didn't like it. Looks like it was Angelica's talent that brought that song to a new height. If you look at the latest videos from her, she's a little grown up now since the Clarity days. I'm sure she will grow up to become a front row singer, but still, her image of lil-girl singing this song at the AGT will always be the most memorable ones. For a second, I thought that if only she didn't grow up that fast. Who can stop time, right? It's for the good of everyone. When I saw people like Angelica with such a gifted talent which most of us don't have, I thought that there must be something that God gave us that actually is the same level as Angelica with her singing talent. Not all of us are meant to go on stage and share that talent with the world but we all have our own platform to shine. No stage, no problem. You can be a silent poet that touch the hearts of many with your beautiful poems. Find that gift and don't waste it  :)

You Can't Touch A Woman Who...

Hi people! Happy New Year 2019!!! I'm so glad that I have my mind Not too excited about new-year-new-me kinda thing, Nah, I don't do that nonsense. At least not anymore. I will continue being myself from 2018. My version of 2018 is actually my favourite. I'm clear about many things in my crowded head. When I plan, I put into action, and not sure why, but there are just luck elements that come in my favour. Yess, works of God. Apart from that, it's just Me who is doing my thing, just going a year older and forcefully wiser (No choice! LOLS). So this year, I will fix my 2018 bugs. I will prove that I have time for everything, including my blog. I want to write more this year. Yes, this is still me, the same writer who wrote all the junks in this blog since 2008.

So about the Title, it grabs my attention when I read it in someone's Fb bio. From my understanding, when it says You Can't Touch A Woman, it doesn't mean physical touch. It's about the woman's strength and durability to face anything. I'm not sure if I am that woman since it sounds like she has dealth with hell and comes out alive. I think we women have different battles. Some are physical but mostly are mental and emotional. Not to mention our individual traits that make some of us more vulnerable than the others. A simple occurrence can impact some women more severely than the others. So our life journey is like the experiments to uncover all the contents in our DNA. So no matter what we have to deal, we still have to deal with them successfully. Leaving all the wounds and scars behind, after crying ocean of tears, and still standing tall. So, to all the women who walk to this 2019, we can't help but be brilliant in every decision. We bend rules but we have principles. This isn't just about merely surviving but surviving with Great Honour. Come to think about it, why not lets just try and be a good reference to that quote. We deserve Happiness. Full stop. So lets conquer our 2019 goals, make more memories and add another awesome chapter in our book of life. God bless!