Dia & Kisah Lampau

Hayat manusia ni cuma sekali. Dia cuma sekali ja umur 1 tahun, sekali ja umur 18 tahun, dan kalau dia bertuah, dia merasa la umur 50 tahun. Tidak akan terjadi umur yang berlaku selama 2 tahun. Jadi kau suka atau nda, umur kau akan tetap bertambah setiap selagi kau masih ada.

Biasa lah dalam kehidupan ini, stage2 dalam kehidupan manusia. Looking for a partner is sesuatu yg common, though tidak wajib, but most likely it's just the next thing for every single person. Kalau kau jumpa someone you like at 18 years old, most probably the person only has his childhood and teenagehood story to tell. Depending on how adventurous the person is, how brave he was and stuff. But average person doesn't have that much of big stories to tell yet at 18 years old. But kalau kau ditakdirkan jumpa dat person di usia 20 ke 30 tahun kemudian, kau nda buli expect the same thing sama partner kau tu.

There's something crucial that you have to deal with. His past. His scars, both invisible or not. Of course it's easy to just mention his achievements, but what about his history? Adalah kawan sia sorang ni yg memang ada plan kawin sama lover dia. Both janda and duda. So kawan sia ni terjumpa satu album di rumah lelaki tu. Ada semua gambar2 lelaki tu sama bini lama, gf lama walaupun bukan semua. Terus kawan sia tanya dengan berang, kenapa ada album tu? Lelaki tu explain yg dia nda tau pun pasal album tu. Kawan sia nda pecaya. Dia lempar macam2 tuduhan, What if begitu, What if begini? So lelaki tu sudah abis fikir camana mau bikin dia pecaya. If you ask me, sia sendiri pun doubt juga if the guy was saying the truth, cos I was not there but dari apa yang sia tau, the guy was quite a womanizer juga dulu. My friend punya concern is dia takut tu lelaki diam2 masih ada hati sama ex dia. Manatau kasih dorang bertaut semula. So my friend came to me, Kalau kau la di tempat sia, apa akan kau buat?

I said, "Kak, memang ini lah yg kita kena hadap kalau masuk dalam hidup orang di usia matang. Dia sudah ada masa lampau. Kalau kita mau fikir apa yang sudah dia bikin, mesti kita sakit hati tanpa batas. Imagine, lelaki tu pernah kawin 3 kali. Tidak masuk lagi gf dan scandal yang tidak sempat kawin. But u told me once, "Yang lepas tu, lepaslah". Sebab dia pernah gaduh sama dat guy and lose contact sampai dekat 2 tahun despite the guy sudah pernah mention niat mau kawin. Dalam 2 tahun tu, banyaknya soalan yg tidak terjawab. Did you date anyone that time? Who is that woman? Dari mana kau kenal dia? Sejauh mana hubungan kamu? So selagi kawan sia tu berkeras mau cari jawapan kepada semua soalan dia, memang diri dia akan diselubungi kemarahan, kesangsian dan kesedihan.  Selepas dorang hook up semula, dia actually penat sudah mau tanya soalan2 lalu. Dia biarkan ja la, yang penting dorang happy dapat hook up balik. So I thought ok sudah dorang. Rupanya buli pula timbul balik kisah lampau.

Sepa la yang teda kisah silam kan? What about dia sendiri? Dia sendiri mengaku dengan sia dia banyak kisah silam yang memalukan. Rasanya kalau lelaki tu pun mau bongkar semua, adakah ada keamanan dalam hidup dorang? Ngam ka timing dia untuk hukum satu kesilapan yg urang bikin berpuluh tahun lalu? Well, it's cliche sebenarnya bila kita dengar yang jangan hukum seseorang berdasarkan kisah silam dorang BUT kalau kita cermin diri kita, bagus betul ka kita kan? Thats why dorang cakap, just because We sin differently, doesn't make you better than me. 

Guess what, you don't have a choice. Umur kita entah sampai bila jadi rationalnya tidak buka kisah lampau tu sebab diri kita yang hari ni, BUKAN orang yg sama macam yang dulu tu. And we simply don't have enough time to waste dengan benda2 yang sudah di belakang kita. Sibuk2 kita bercakap pasal cerita 20, 30 tahun lalu, jam tetap berdetik. Kau mau dia balik pi zaman silam untuk ubah sesuatu dalam life dia masa tu supaya hati kau senang? You know that's stupid to even have the idea. It's not do-able. Sibuk2 mengungkit kisah silam urang, sepa tau partner kau pun pun terang-terang nampak ketidaksempurnaan diri kau but still accept kau seadanya, bukannya pasal kau memang awesome secara semulajadi. Harap kau nda perasan la kan? LOLS. Sia ni senang ja tulis gini, sedangkan sia sendiri pun ada problem mau deal with kisah silam org. Mesti semua benda pun mau tau sebab ya la, kisah silam tu mungkin sudah di belakang. Tapi ada echo dia lagi. Mana la kita tau ada surprises2 dari masa silam yang tiba2 muncul dan menghantui. Garsh. Sudah2 lah tu. Tidak akan habis the blaming game kalau gini kan? Tengok ke depan dan cari lah kebahagiaan di setiap sudut hidup sebagai siapa diri kita hari ni. Jangan sia-siakan masa. Time is ticking, my friends. Lets find nothing but happiness. 

To My Front-Liners...

One stage in your life, you thought that you wanted to impress everyone, including the strangers you meet at the street. You wanted to answer every questions people ask you. You wanted to say something nice so that people would smile. During that, we actually tried so hard to just Be Likeable. We wanted everyone to love us or at least say something good about us. The down side is that, when we fail, we fall flat. Just one person against us, we feel like we lost the battle of being liked by everyone. That's once upon a time.

After we experienced so much rejection, hatred, misunderstanding, disapproval, and the likes, we sort of getting a grip of reality. So one day we wake up, WE DON'T CARE that much anymore. We just admit that We can never be liked by everybody.  We quit trying. Maybe we realize, the only people we care to please are those front-liners. I call the front-liners people are those WHO ALREADY decide to just believe in me. Not that I deserve it but they just found a comfortable point to just trust me that much that I can somehow deliver. Maybe they are just tired of looking everywhere else. So these people, I will answer them, I will listen to them, I will tell them, I will show them and I will do what they request. Of course time to time, I could just get new addition to my front-liners but if you need that much convincing, I may just let it go. I'm thru with the chapter where I will beg you to trust something in me. If you can't find the reasoning, you are free to move on. Find something else you don't need convincing. You are meant to be in someone else's front-liners. Not mine.

I remember I saw this very impressive IG selling stuff that I like. Then I took the number. I contacted that number with a very basic question like, Do you do this? How much are you charging? And I only received one reply and never again. At first, I thought the business owner was so inefficient. How could you market your products everyday, putting your number in public welcoming people to just text any question but then you just don't reply.  I didn't get it. Until one day when I was in the same situation. I received texts with very basic questions like they read nothing of what I already posted.  Like they just found your number and decided they wanted to give you a try and see how are you gonna impress them enough to make a purchase. Guess what. I ignored it. Maybe the person feels what I felt before when my message was ignored. Do you get it why I did that? Because I already get the sign that the person is not likely gonna be my front-liners. They need too much convincing. They don't do homework or extra reading. In other words, they are not likely gonna be "my people". If they are, they will go around and find information that is already available. They will even call me directly and cut all the intro. My people won't have to waste our time for all the intro. My people will make the effort because they think I deserve it. 

To my front-liners, you are who I should care to please and do my best. Because you are my believers and I am given the chance to prove my worth because of YOU. I will not care the majority who will just pass me by and I don't mind to be invisible to them. They don't have time to appreciate my potential, to value my skills, to care about what I feel, but they have time to do the same to someone else. Then they are that person's front-liners. So quit arguing. If you are not, you are not. I only care about the those who ARE.

To my front-liners, THANK YOU. 

"Kawan Yang Sempurna"

I consider myself a peace loving person to the people in my surrounding. Either they are my friends or I don't talk to them at all. I don't like enemies. I rather Not know you than make you my enemies. So biasanya, pergaduhan antara kawan2 ni sia jarang terlibat. Sia biasa jadi orang yg di tengah. Lets say two of my friends are having cold war, they both are in terms with me knowing that I'm in good terms with the friend they are having cold war with. So that's me. 

Recently, something happened. This friend did not go to my place anymore for 2 weeks. It never happened before. So I learnt from another friend, that she was actually offended by something I said. WHATTT? Of course I was shocked. So she was offended about a comment I made about her relationship with her lover. I told her, "Kak, bagus kamu kawin cepat lah." I said that because she has been going to the guy's house and this caused argument between her and her daughter. I knew they are planning to get married anyway. Why not wait until they are married before she begins going to the guy's house and cause suspicion? Or else, just get married already so she'll be staying with the guy legally. Wasn't my comment obviously the best solution? She was offended, according to this other friend thats why she refused to talk to me for 2 weeks. After that, it was fixed on its own because she has stuff to talk to me about work and it was already behind us the moment I learnt that she was once offended. Seriously I'm not used to this.

Wujudnya kawan2 yang Batu Api di kalangan kita. Kalau situasi yang terjadinya pergeseran macam tu, ada golongan yg bertepuk tangan. That other friend tried to api-apikan. Something yg sepatutnya secret, iaitu luahan hati kawan yg offended tu, dia simply pegi tell kawan kami yang satu lagi, and kawan tu tell me. The other day dia ada try untuk buka topic tu di whatsapp, but sia dapat rasa bad aura dari style dia tulis, so I did not entertain it. So dia pi bagitau kawan yang satu lagi before kawan tu akhirnya bagitau sia. You know what I said to that friend yang bagitau sia? "Next time u hear anything bad about me, keep it to yourself. I don't want to know."

Betul. Sia tidak berminat mau tau benda yang orang bawangkan pasal sia. Begini bah aturan dia. Kalau la ada kawan yang meluah rasa dengan kita, pasal si polan dan si polan, benda tu kau keep sorang ja cukup lah. Bukan benda baik pun. FAHAM? Selepas hal tu, baru sia sedar berapa banyak benda macam tu yg sia keep sendiri ja. Sia kan tempat kawan2 meluah, so sia biasa dengar macam2 cerita Terkecil hati, Tersalah cakap, Tersinggung, but remember this, ITU SEMUA PERKARA BIASA dalam kehidupan manusia. Kau tidak payah treat benda tu macam hal sensasi. So bila sia warning yang STOP TELLING ME STUFF yg negative, which then I told her this, "I heard so many bad stuff about you guys too, but did I ever tell you?" Kenapa mesti menyemai kebencian. Luahan hati is peristiwa singkat. Dia akan berlalu dengan masa. Treat them dengan hati yg ringan. Sebab apa sia cakap gitu?

Sebab banyak lagi benda yang best untuk kita share dengan kawan2. Kalau sia tersilap cakap, anggap sia beruntung kalau kamu faham niat sia bukan jahat. Mungkin sia salah pilih intonasi or perkataan, but Who is perfect among us, again? So kepada orang2 yang suka bikin kerja BATU API tu, actually kamu kawan yg toksik. Kamu boleh kasi gaduh satu komuniti, satu kampung and so on. Hidup kita ni sudah penuh dengan masalah, kita mau happy2 ja dengan kawan2 and family. Jangan buang masa kumpul kebencian. Kalau kau buli tukar tu kebencian pakai DUIT, sia pecaya juga lah. Tapi nda buli kan? What do you get? NUTHIN.

Bagus lagi kita cari duit buli pi melancong happy2. Kita semua manusia lemah. TIADA KAWAN YG SEMPURNA. Don't expect them to be. 

Rezeki Tidak Salah Alamat

Biasa sudah kita dengar orang cakap gitu kan?  Baru2 tu, sia jumpa balik sama satu customer veteran sia yg sorang ni. Lama sudah nda jumpa dia. So kami cerita2 la sikit. Entah camana buli keluar dari mulut dia benda ni. "Syukurlah sudah rezeki kau. Selama ni kau selalu kasi free, kasi biar orang bayar ansur2, Tuhan kira semua tu. Pasal tu la dia kasi kau rezeki yang banyak." Actually sia terkejut kejap bila dia cakap gitu. Sebab sia nda ingat pun bikin benda2 tu semua. Only sama customers yang veteran2 mcm dorang, memang sy lebih sikit sabar dari biasa. Sia punya kesabaran dari segi accommodate dorang. Trying to understand apa yg dorang mau dan maksudkan. I have to do it somehow sebab sia rasa bukan semua akan give customers that much attention. If sia nda bikin, mungkin dorang akan terkapai2 mencari di mana yg sudi. So sia selalu anggap benda tu challenge sebab they needed special attention. Tapi sia buat semua tu bukan sebab sia memang ada kesabaran tu. No. Sia buat atas dasar sia kena juga complete tu task. Ada beberapa kali sia try reject, dorang berkeras mau sia bikin. Sebab tempat lain definitely tidak larat mau layan dorang. Maybe ada a bit of perikemanusiaan juga di situ. But I am not really a patient person. It's so easy to get on my nerve. So sia bukan layak kena ingat sebagai the most considerate. I don't always give discount or free gifts. Only when situation yg sia ringan hati. Ataupun sia rasa sudah cukup mahal yang dorang kena bayar, sia sengaja kasi free or kasi ikut one item tanpa kira harga. I mean, my price is already mahal dari biasa, so at least dorang rasa ringan sikit kalau sia bikin gitu. Secara spontaneous ja ikut gerak hati. So sia nda begitu ingat sangat. Until la dat makcik cakap, then baru sia terfikir. Ada juga la kebaikan yg sia bikin kan? Memang kalangan customer yg veteran tu juga, sia bagi kelonggaran dorang bayar dulu apa yg ada. Ada juga yg pernah datang ambil ja tanpa bayar satu sen. Pun sia sabar juga. Entah la, rupanya ada kesabaran "simpanan". Tapi tu cerita lama. 

Is it pasal some kebaikan masa silam, yang memungkinkan kita dapat kesenangan di masa kini? Tapi pada masa yang sama, kita sentiasa bikin benda yang salah juga. Kadang2 kita berkira, mau orang bayar semua hutang, selagi orang nda bayar, selagi tu la kita bising dan mengaus. Cos life ni short, but susah kalau teda rules. Kau kena ikut aturan2 yang ditetapkan. Kau berhutang, kau kena bayar kan? So jangan dulu kita kira jahat orang kalau kita yg menyebabkan dorang jahat. Setakat ini, sia tidak juga mau rebut hak orang. Sia masih mau ikut rules. So, remind me, maybe I'm still in the right way. Biarlah sia masih si lurus bendul yg bikin panas. Anyway speaking of rezeki, actually sometimes kau kena "claim" rezeki tu, baru dia jadi kau punya. Kau nda buli just duduk ja sana and hairan why tidak kau dapat. Or camana pun, jangan lupa. You are nothing, and you are not even great on your own, if's it's not for the mercy of God. Ni sia percaya juga camana pun sia faham yg sia perlu berusaha untuk dapat something. But pernah kan kau usaha camana pun still nda dapat? Thats why it's easier to believe there's another element yg kau perlu. He has to will it before it become yours. 

Syukur apa yang ada dan teruslah melangkah ke depan. Nikmati kehidupan dan explore life dengan cara yang sebaik-baiknya. Hopefully more and more rezeki akan datang sama kita. Amen to that!